the zurkie show - conversation is not a ted talk

Episode Date: January 24, 2026

if you want to hit it off with someone,you need to hit the ball back.be a good listener, it'll teach you everything you need to know about them.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I experienced one of the most infuriating conversations in my entire life here in Toronto, Canada. It was while I was at an Indian restaurant and I was enjoying my butter chicken with garlic non, when these two Canadian ladies walked into the establishment sat down and proceeded to have a conversation about work. Except there was no conversation. And this leads me to, I guess my point that I really want to make clear for anybody that wants to have social contact with other human beings. stop talking at people have a conversation for damn sake like like have a conversation bro i witnessed for a total of i think an hour this one lady talk at and not even finish let the other person finish their train of thought it was oh yeah yeah okay oh yeah you know you

were doing that oh yeah like there was no space for this lady to talk about whatever she was talking about. And it felt so incriminating for me to just sit there and listen to her get berated by someone who is, I don't want to, you know, assume, but it just came off very selfish. Now listen, I might have misread the room, but something really hit me. It was like that scene in Ratatouille where the guy eats, you know, the ratatouet, the critic, and he's thrown into childhood. I felt that same way, but it made me think of this one friend.

I had in high school who always would talk about herself. And whenever we would, you know, we'd had like a couple classes together, she would just like take out her phone and show me like, oh, look at this funny Snapchat that I made. And like, show me like videos with her and the dog filter. And I was just like, bro, what are you doing? Like I don't, like, listen, I'm not, I don't care. I think people misunderstand.

Like, in conversation, if you really want to get to know somebody, you have to give people branches, okay? Something that they can grab onto. My friend Dylan has this incredible analogy where a conversation is like a match of ping pong. And oftentimes in flirting and in dating, we encounter this where you're trying to serve the ball, right? And the other person is catching it instead of serving it back. Oh, so what's your favorite color? Blue? Oh, you know, what do you think of this restaurant? It's nice. So, like, what are you doing, you know, for your career and for work? and stuff. Oh, I'm studying accounting. It's nice. It's fine. Okay. What are your hobbies? Like, what do you like to do? Oh, Pilates. Dude, serve the ball. Like, hit it back. Hit it back.

What are you doing? Stop it. Okay. If you have listened to this and there's like a little twinge, a feeling, a tinkle. Tinkle? Is that? No, Tinkle is, that's not the right word. If you feel like this has been you. You're like, yeah, you know, I talk to people and sometimes I kind of throw my problems at them or I'll be like complaining and stuff. And I don't actually ask questions at all. I just want you to know you can change. Okay. And also, if you've been the recipient of this, you have to understand that you don't have to stay in conversations you don't want to have. A cheat code is just being polite and being like, hey, I have to excuse myself. I have to go or just like leave.

Because you know what? If you don't want to hear about how somebody got a new, you know, Ford F-150 and how awesome it is, you didn't ask, leave. They're telling you that for free. Okay, you have the ability to just like go. And like, man, a good conversation will find you and you will realize how refreshing it is to just have somebody that actually cares. And when you have two of those people, it's the best when you can ask each other questions, have an exchange of information. Have a little banter, have a little flirt, even if it's friendly fire, right? Like, it's okay.

But stop trying to talk over people. Being a good listener is about patience. It's not about being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were doing, oh, yeah, yeah. That's kind of similar to how I was like doing this and like, that's not similar at all. but you know what, I'm just going to say something because I have to say something. You don't have to talk all the time to have a good conversation. Some of the best conversations I ever had was listening to people.

I didn't say a word. I just listened and I asked questions. They told me about their experience. For example, the other day I was speaking to somebody who lives in Canada and I was curious, like, what is it like? You know, what is the whole experience like here? And I listened. I was quiet. I wanted to hear them out.

You don't need to say something all the time for you to be impactful with your conversations. Honestly, if you sit back and you're a good listener and somebody wants to befriend you, wants to talk to you, they will do the legwork. I promise you. People who want to yap about themselves will yap about themselves, but somebody who wants to have a good conversation with you, they will match your energy. They will. And also, there's points where you will realize, especially when you're talking to somebody for the

first time. When the conversation's cooked, there is no conversation. It's a lost cause and it's just a monologue and they're telling you about how like they've been soul searching. They've been developing themselves and how they went to Peru for three months to learn like an ancient medicine. That sounds pretty sick. But the way in which they will tell you it is one of those you wouldn't understand. Okay. Do your best to listen and say thank you very much and get the stigma out of there. It's not worth it. Like it's done. Okay. But again, I think sometimes in the past, I've just been, like, way too nice. And I've been like, yes, oh, wow, that's really cool.

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View. And enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. I also think you should look to be the initiator of conversation. You will have conversations with insane people that you would never expect are actually so cool, so interesting, just by sparking it up randomly, just by just, you know, noticing something about them. And usually somebody who is minding their own business, not in like, you know, an arrogant way where they don't want to talk to anybody or they're upset, but in a way they're just chilling,

enjoying life, they have the most insane stories to tell. And if you genuinely show interest in them and let them speak, they'll tell you. I have a rule and sometimes I use it, sometimes I don't, where I try to talk to my Uber drivers. I don't know if they like it or not. They probably don't, but man, it's led to some very incredible conversations. Whenever I'm in Austin, I learned so much through the people that drive because some of them are not from the United States. But the other, you know, other time I was getting a ride back home. It was a guy who grew up in Austin and he told me about how much. much the world has changed and how much he witnessed basically like these, you know, old

ranches turn into high-rise apartments and how complete, you know, his neighborhood got completely gentrified into something completely different and he can't even recognize it, but it is what it is. He still works and he still finds a way. Those are the conversations that will genuinely fill your soul with so much joy and so much pride to be human. Because the ones that I think a lot of us get stock are just monologues about, nonsense about oh yeah i went to this boba shop that was like really popular i saw it and it was just like i just can't believe like boba's like not that good it's just it's junk it's slop it's slop in conversation form and you don't deserve to have slop all the time it's good to have slop sometimes

and hear somebody complain and just be like okay but like i think you deserve to have good conversations with people and ask good questions and i think that overhearing this conversation at the Indian restaurant in Toronto, Canada, was just a reminder to myself that I never want to have a conversation where I am just like leading them into where I want them to go. The conversation needs to have its own heartbeat. It needs to have its own thing.

And I cannot expect it to go one way. I have to accept where it is going to go with our vibe. I can try to ask a question and push it in one direction. but I think people go into even conversations subconsciously being like, I want this kind of result. I want to talk about this. I want to talk about me. It's a selfish desire instead of what can this bring me?

Not what do I need? What can this bring me? What can come out of this? Why do you even have an expectation going into a conversation? And this happens a lot with talking to people with the whole RIS stuff, right? Like, oh, I got to go up to them and like give them my. number and like oh my I if I don't get their number it's an L what if you talk to them and you realize you don't like them why does it need to stay why do you still need to give them your

number for your ego to get boosted why don't you just ask them like what's up with you what book you reading you seem cool I'd love to grab a coffee with you like it's just it's become such a transaction and you even see it now with uh with the way people are where they opt to go on their phones instead of kind of being engaged in the world and sparking up random You know random dialogue options with a with a stranger they think is an MPC They'd rather sit in their phones and I'm listen. I'm not a saint. I do that too right like There's some days where I'm like I don't care to talk to anybody like I'm in it I think another thing that can happen though is

You can think that you are better than other people because you you'll overhear the BS they talk about and think, p, I'm so above that. You're not above anybody. I hate to break it to you, man. You're not above anybody. We all have moments where we need to complain. And I'm not sitting and looking at even this conversation that I'm talking about,

I guess, as like, that is like a terrible. That's terrible. Those two people are terrible. They're probably great people. they probably have done great things it's just the way in which the one lady was engaging the other felt like such a disservice

to the conversation they could have been having and maybe they've already had those combos but it just struck a chord man I really don't like when someone doesn't know how to talk to you and I really I have I think received a lot of a lot of like subliminals and conversations and people have tried to ego me doesn't work I don't take that at least I'd like to think so maybe I have been egoed but it's like bro

I just want to talk not even with any strings attached I don't want your number I don't want to be best friends I just want to enjoy a good conversation with somebody randomly and the art of conversation I think is being it's being terrorized It's being made into this game. You see it now with the meta glasses. Everyone's like just trying to have these like fake, you know, compliment conversations and giving people $1,000. And it's like, come on. You shouldn't be talking to someone just because you got meta glasses on.

You know what I mean? And not to knock somebody's hustle. I get it. A, content is content, right? Yeah, you got to get your content. But man, like, what if you lived the world, the way. in which you would if you had metaglasses? What if you already did those things?

Just to see what would happen just so you had that experience. I think you'd be so happy. What if you engaged a person who's having a rough day in just like a little convo? What if you sat down with somebody who was eating alone and just like talked? I think it'd be great. I think you would be so happy. And I think if you let people talk, they will tell you so much about themselves, about their character, about where they're at in their life, what they've done,

and just you can learn so much from anybody. I had this other video where I talked about, you know, don't take advice from people that you don't want to be like, but I think you should hear everybody out. Sure, maybe somebody will tell you, you know, don't get married, kid, it's not worth it. I was married four times,

had four different children, it was terrible. You know, sure, okay, that's a perspective. I'll take it. but it doesn't mean that you should diminish their experience and be like, oh, like, who cares? No. No, I don't think so. Dude, people treat conversations now like it's a chat room. Like, they're just like talking at somebody and the other person is a live stream.

I've had this happen where, like, people will, you know, hit me up for stuff and I'll help them. and then they won't ask to be of any, you know, they won't ask me just like how I'm doing or like what's up or like try to, you know, even pretend that they're interested. They will just be like, yo, bro, I'm doing this right now. Yo, dude, I'm being this, like having this kind of success. Yo, I'm doing this crazy thing. They won't even ask about you. That's crazy.

Bro, I get that you want some validation. I'll give it to you. ask me how I'm doing, bro. Like, what is going on here? And I get it if you need something. You haven't seen me in a while. You're hitting me up, hey, can I get this? Totally get that.

But if you're just calling me to flex on me, it's like, that's great. I'm happy for you. But like, all right, I guess. I don't know. I've had that happen a couple times, and I'm sure you've had that happen where, like, somebody will call you just to give you some good news, But it's it's not in the matter of like, yo, like, you're my best friend.

You were telling me to do this thing or you were supporting me. I want to like thank you for pushing me to do this. It's, bro, check this out that I'm doing. This thing I'm doing, bro. Isn't that crazy? It's like, yeah, it's crazy. But like, I don't know. Like, I'm happy for you.

Like, that's awesome. Like, I'm supporting you. But it's got to be a two-way street. It's got to be a two-way street. With your friends, with the people that you love, man. with with conversation. Do not just get yourself in one-way streets with people. It will be so, so miserable to be around them.

Because they're just self-centered. They don't care. They will, if you had an option, like, you know those dialogue options or like when you watch something, how you can skip the intro or you can 2X something? Bro, if you had a button on you that you could do that, they would hit that button continuously through all your dialogue just so they could talk. Another thing, if you want to have good conversations, how I talked about being a good listener, bro, talk less. If you feel like you yap a lot, talk less.

I promise you. I promise you. Let the other person speak and how they will react, how they will, you know, decide to ask you a question back or be like, wait a minute, we talked about me. I want to know about you. Like, what's going on with you? That will dictate so much about your relationship. It will show you so much about their character. promise you. That has been the biggest, like, litmus test for me. And I don't do it as like a,

well, let's see what they do. I do it more as like a preservation of my time, bro, because your time, my time is so valuable that if we squander it, like, we're never going to get that back. So I would rather not sit through countless conversations that are totally slop with people that, I don't really, like, you're kind of like a friend of mine, but like not really. It's not worth it. Not worth it at all. So we got to do something that's worth it and what's usually worth it. Guarding our time. Guarding our time. It's something that, you know, is uncomfortable.

I get it when you first start to do it, but it's the biggest sign of self-respect. And the people that I have in my circle, I know that I can call, I know they'll hear me out every time I call them. And they know I would hear them out. And I would listen. And I would ask questions. and I would try to figure things out and I would try to help them. But again, that's come from years of knowing I can talk to them about anything, knowing that they can talk to me about anything.

It comes with time. But if you're making new friends, man, be a good listener. I promise you that will set you apart from most people. Most people are terrible listeners and all they want to do is blab about themselves and their problems, which there's time and place, but not every kind of. meeting needs to revolve around you. And you don't need to be a therapist toward everybody and all their problems.

Why would you do that? Not worth it either. In my opinion, that's just my opinion, frankly. Life is too short. Life is too short to be around bad people. And maybe they're not even bad people. Let's be so for real. Maybe they're a chill guy, right?

Doon, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Like that meme, right? They're just, they're just a chill guy. But again, if you don't get any kind of value out of these relationships, out of a conversation, out of being around them, no. No. No. That's your answer.

Any question you're going to ask, no. But what if they're, I'm their only friend and I really support them. There's a reason you are their only friend. It's because you're kind of allowing them to be your friend, right? and like if you are their only friend uh they're probably not good at making friends because they probably talk about themselves all the time and they don't they don't care about you but what if they use me for support and like again they use you so what kind of friendship is that just be careful out there man that's all i urge you to do zirky show just be careful

darling this world ain't gonna be here longer Oh, said be careful, darling, this world ain't going to be here long. Bro, if you haven't listened to Gutt a Child by Gabriel Jacoby, that is your homework, such an incredible album. He's on the up. Okay, big shouts out to Gabriel Jacoby on this one in Toronto. And to you, Zirky Show. Hope you're doing well and staying warm. Today's episode of The Zirky Show is filmed in Toronto, Canada.

Beautiful place, great food, great people. I cannot wait to come back and maybe do a little show out here. That'd be nice to meet all of you guys, all you Canadian Zirky Show fans. If you're from Toronto, leave a little comment, tell me where you're from. I'll be there shortly. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it.

You can scroll it. You can stream it. The Zirky Show, you already know the drill everywhere you go all over the interwebs. If you want to tap in, tap in. Tap in! Do the things that bring you joy travel. That's it. You want to go somewhere?

The group chat's saying, oh, we should go to Paris. Oh, we should go somewhere. Book your tickets. Don't worry about the group chat. The group chat will follow through if they're really about it. If they're not, you're still going somewhere, and that's what matters. You will meet people, no matter where you go. Trust me, hostels are the meta.

Stay safe, though, and get a lock for your personal items, okay? Because people be thieves, and just like some people are weird out there, okay? Be in good company, be around great people. There are incredible people that stay at hostels and travel the world, and you can probably travel with them. Zirky Show if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, you already know. You already know it is. I'm sending you lots of love. And peace.