the zurkie show - dating them won’t fix you

Episode Date: March 29, 2025

I used to run to relationships as a way to distract myself from my own fear of being alone.I was convinced I was never going to be worthy enough to be loved by someone else. it was after I accepted my irrational fear as a possibility that I finally started to live life on my terms.ask yourself if you're dating someone because you like them and who they are, or are you just entertaining a person to help you forget about the work you still need to do?sending you lots of love and peaaaaaaace!⁠https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

Why do you want a relationship so bad? What is so bad about being alone? I get it, I get it. Maybe you see your friends, everyone on your campus, at your school, holding hands, giving each other forehead kisses or whatever, and you're thinking, man, me and who? But why can't that just be you? Like, why can't you just give yourself the same love that somebody else would give to you. Aren't you worthy of that? Maybe you feel that that's not the case and that a relationship

is really what you want. You want to prove yourself to somebody else. You want to prove that you can do it. But why do you need to prove that? I think we do not ask the question enough. Why do you want it? And this causes us to get in some bad situations. It did for me. I loved the optics of being in a relationship in theory. I loved the idea that somebody could give me attention, somebody could love me, even though I didn't even know what love meant, that, you know, somebody who was good-looking

and who seemed nice was in my life and could share a $60 chili date with me. But when I actually realized that all of those reasons, reasons weren't conducive of like how I viewed myself. And actually like I didn't really like who I was and I was trying to cope by seeking attention on other people. I realized that the reason I wanted a relationship was not a good one. It wasn't. And it all kind of depends on what you believe a relationship should be. I think it should be an addition to your life. I don't think your soul existence is spent just being in a relationship all the time. No, in fact, I believe

it's important that you learn about yourself in your lifetime and that you figure out the things that you like and having a relationship is like the icing on the cake. It's like awesome. I did that and more because every time I've, I've, you know, been in something that was devoid of anything real, man, it just brought me back to this question. Like, why do I want this? And it's such a weird feeling when you have spent like three, four months with a person and you wake up one day and you just like look at yourself and you're like, I don't, I don't know, you look at them and you're also like, I don't know if I like them. I don't know if I like them. It's a really weird feeling. and I think it stems from a lack of honesty.

And maybe a little bit of ignorance. Maybe you're naive, you don't know. Sometimes you have to go through a few relationships that seem genuine, where maybe you asked yourself, why do I want this? Well, this is good, and it's good for me, and I haven't had anything good in a while, and that gives you comfort in making a decision. But is that really why you want it?

Because I think a relationship takes a lot more work than we realize. I think when you actually really like somebody, you like them to a point where you realize that the flaws are going to be flaws and they're going to be there. And both of you have to work with each other's flaws and you have to accept each other flawed. But I think a lot of us, we meet somebody, our reason for why we want it is more selfish than it is, you know, kind of, I don't know, partner-oriented or in a scope of like, this is going to be something that I can pour myself into and I can I can be accepted by this person because I've accepted myself. I love myself for who I am. And I think it just, I don't know, it makes you muddy up the waters like being with somebody because it's a more selfish desire than anything. I think it begins to rot the relationship.

And you start to idealize the person more than you actually accept them for who they are and what they provide you and how they accept you for, you know, unconditionally for who you are. It's a weird thing. It's a really weird thing. And I don't think like this just has to do with relationships. I think it also has to do with, you know, how you treat yourself. and also like the desires that you have for yourself. I think in our generation, a lot of us have this very, very high drive to be successful,

whatever that means, right? Like either get into a really good university, have like a top tier job out of college, make a lot of money so you can show your friends that you've made a lot of money. Oh, wait a minute. Why do I want it? I don't actually want it because, you know,

I want to have a lot of money so I can build things or I can use this for something that will be valuable or will provide value to other people. No, no, no, no, no. I want a lot of money because I want to feel accepted. And I think that having a lot of money will win the approval of people that I admire and will put me on a pedestal. And it might. It might. For sure. Awesome.

If you have the McLaren in the garage, you know, when you're friends, you know, when your friends, your hometown friends that you haven't seen in 20 years because you were grinding, you know, come visit your mansion. And they're like, wow, you got a McLaren? Bro, bro, that's awesome. Beautiful. And they go about their business. That was your 20-year grind for that moment, for them to say, nice car. Why do you want it? Because I think when you pinpoint why you want something genuinely and you pinpoint a desire, you actually get led to an insecurity. And we're all insecure, you know, we're all insecure. I'm insecure about things, of course. But I acknowledge them and I recognize that I'm insecure and I'm like, yeah, but that's just an insecurity talking. Like,

it's not what determines my reality. It's just like, yeah, I mean, sure. I mean, sure. I don't like the way that my body looks. Okay. It doesn't mean I'm not healthy and I'm not fit and I don't go to the gym. No. It just means that I'm a little insecure because of my past or I'm insecure because, you know, when I was younger, people were always pocket watching what I was eating because I want because a boy wanted to eat mac and cheese and that was so wrong. But the problem was I was eating a lot of mac of cheese.

Oh my gosh. Like the microwaved mac and cheese? Wow. I could down like three of those in one sitting. It was impressive. I should have been up there with Joey Chestnut, bro, during the Glizzy Fest. My goodness.

But every time I have had some kind of gluttonous desire for something, like, I want this for me. I've always then turned that question to myself and been like, why do I, why do I want this? And again, I don't think there's anything wrong with having desires of wanting, you know, wanting a family. wanting a partner, wanting money, wanting to live comfortably. There's nothing wrong with that.

On the contrary, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. Wanting to spend your life traveling and like living in a van. Like, dude, if it's coming from a place that's genuine and that's like an actual desire, listen to it. So many of us suppress these desires and these feelings because we are so afraid of how we're going to be judged. because we see that we have an opportunity maybe that other people don't have and we compare ourselves to other people like they not like us Kendrick has been saying this guys he's talking about something else but like it's still it still is so canon for for this like other people are not you they don't make your decisions like you got to make your own decisions in your life and it comes with sacrifice and it comes with being okay with the fact that like some people will look at that and cringe Some people will think that you're being an idiot for it. That is what it is.

If I had stopped doing what I love for every time someone said, yo, this isn't going to work out. Or, yo, good luck. Like, you know, good luck, bro. It's not moving. Bro, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. I tell myself that sometimes, you know. But I've learned again, like, what I do, I ask myself, why? Why do I want this?

Like, why do I want to do this? It's because I love it and I see that there is such an important element to what I do. And I find a lot of pride in what I do. And I love the people that I interact with and I get to serve through it. You get me? And that's what matters. That's really what matters. But let's get back to the relationship stuff because I think that is important.

And that is something that at our age occupies our mind a lot. Like, I have been thinking about my interactions with people that I'm like, oh, my goodness, I fumbled this person or I want to be in a relationship with this person. Like, all throughout my late teens into my early 20s now, like, I still think about it. And it's interesting because there's a lot of advice online that's like, don't chase relationships, you know, focus on the grind. The grind is what matters. And I agree, honestly, I agree, because I also think that you shouldn't be. chasing like anything that is not coming to you easily. I'm not saying that things aren't going to be hard, but I think a lot of us chase like the approval or relationships that are just like the other

person just doesn't see it the same as we do. And we close ourselves off to things that feel more natural and easier and there's a flow to them. And this is a big problem. it's a huge problem because a lot of people get I think caught up in standards they get caught up in what other people are going to think of their relationships instead of just like bro you like somebody and oh well my friends are going to think they're weird who can't like you don't even know that you're thinking that that's what's going to happen it's like you got to try you got to see what's up and maybe your friends like maybe you know date somebody and your friends are actually looking out for you and they're like bro this is not a good match and you can't see it yet but then

you're like, oh yeah, you're right. This is not a good match. It's interesting. I do think that having these kind of desires of like wanting somebody and wanting to be in a relationship while you're young, it's completely normal. And I don't think you should let anyone guilt you into thinking that, oh, you know, me having these thoughts is bad. Like I can't be thinking about being in a loving relationship or finding somebody or, you know,

no, I got to lock in. I can't be talking to any boys, girl. partners. No, none of it. Why? Why? Want to go electric without sacrificing fun? That's the Volkswagen ID4. All-electric and thoughtfully designed to elevate your modern lifestyle. The Volkswagen ID4 is fun to drive with instant acceleration that makes city streets feel

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Learn more at aboutamazon.ca. If you are genuine and you're like, I want this because I think this would be cool. I'd love to show myself in a relationship. I'd love to show up for a partner. Like, who cares? And maybe you're in a season right now that you need to focus on yourself. And when you ask yourself, why do I want this? The answer isn't, you know, because I accept myself.

I love myself and I want to give that love to somebody else. It's, I feel insecure about my path right now and my career. And just like what I'm up to and how I'm. view myself and and this would honestly like take a little bit of that pressure off of me right now. If that's the case, a relationship is not going to solve that. A lot of the times we think that relationships will just like magically solve our problems. When in reality, like, they can help. They can give us support.

But if we aren't cognizant of the fact that we need to do the work, then it's like, it ain't going to do anything. It won't. It'll just, it'll just be a relationship and you can find, you know, a lot of happiness. and that and solace, but like, if you're not happy yourself, good luck, good luck. And oftentimes, that seeps into the relationship later on. That's how you build resentment. That's how people, you know, grow apart. It's because one of them maybe is growing while the other has stopped or hasn't even allowed themselves to begin that journey. It's weird. It's a weird thing.

You'll never be 100% ready for a relationship or for anything in your life. life there isn't a point where you're you know oh yeah like everything is perfect and i'm ready to to lock in right now sometimes you just you got to know like i got to do this and i got to do this now and maybe it won't look perfect and it won't be the way that i envision it but like nothing nothing in this life is that way you can have a vision you can try to execute it to the best of your ability and like heck yeah that's awesome but it's better to do something and do it afraid than not do it at all. And it's better, I think, to succumb to the fact that you kind of don't have control over all of the outcomes.

But the one thing you can't control is your intention of why do you want it, you know? And if that is genuine, I think that you will naturally get yourself a genuine outcome. I do. And maybe it won't be exactly what you desired and maybe it won't even be good. but there's always a lesson in it and there's always something you can take away from that. It's weird.

I really did not think that in this lifetime I would find somebody. I'm going to be so for real. Like, I've said that before and I'll say it again. Like, I genuinely was like, yeah, like, this is probably a solo mission. I'm running Fortnite solo.

No build, you know? And it wasn't until I, I opened up myself to that fear and I asked myself and I'm like, well, why do I want this relationship so bad? And it was because I'm afraid of being alone forever. That was really what it was. And when I entertained that fear and I was just like, okay, well, what happens if I'm going to be alone forever? And I realized, I'd be okay. I'd honestly be fine.

Would it be uncomfortable? Yeah. Would I, you know, would it be sad? Sure. But would I survive? Like, would I be able to still take myself to Dutch bros? Yeah. Would I still be able to do something for myself every day? Yeah. And that kind of made me realize that, like, yo, like, that's fine. Why don't I just, like, live this life for me? why don't I just stop putting the opinion of other people and like the way I'm going to come off to other people on such a pedestal

and like let me just be me to the best of my ability I still struggle with it sometimes you know I admit things I don't want certain things known about me because I'm I'd be afraid I'd be like bro like what if I get judged you know but

I at least try to be as genuine as I can Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play Ojo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum withdraws.

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View and enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. And when I started to do that, it's almost like I turned on this magnet. And I found you guys. And I realized that the meaning of being alone maybe it's not actually the relationship I was looking for. I just wanted other people who saw me and understood my perspective.

And I realized that a lot of you feel the same way that I do. And that was like, I'm not alone. I'm not going to be forever alone. I'm literally not alone. So many people feel the same way that I do. And that was a beautiful thing. And that happened because I was like, I'm going to do it for me. And I'm going to see what it's out there.

Who's out there? Who want me? And it's been surreal to see, like, from that, what I've been able to attract and the people that have come into my life. And I don't think I'm alone anymore. I actually know I'm not. No, I'm not. What's 9 plus 10? 21?

Bro! You stupid. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not alone. And you're not alone. And a relationship will not solve your feelings of loneliness. It won't.

it's only after you get comfortable with yourself that you can finally be like all right i'm chilling it's like a magnet man it just it attracts the right people into your life and it takes time it's not instantaneous i wish it was that way i wish it was like you could flip a switch but no it's it's built in the actions it's built in being really intentional and and and feeling as if yo i'm doing all of these things for me. And that is so freeing. It's really a beautiful feeling when you ask yourself, why do you want it? And it's because I want it. I want this for me. And I want it for me because it's coming from a place where I feel like I could give it love. I feel like I could give it attention. I feel like I could give it all of me. That's a genuine place.

stop trying to use things to patch up the insecurities within you. You got to patch them up with evidence of something else. You got to find the things that show the insecurity flat out. Like, you're wrong. You're wrong. I'm unlovable. But that's not true. An unlovable person, they wouldn't even start the day.

they wouldn't even get out of bed they wouldn't even you know make themselves some breakfast to take a shower brush their teeth and hey maybe maybe today's your off day and you've done none of those things and you're chilling and you know scrolling in bed and that's awesome i wish i could be doing that you know that sounds sick that's fine too at least you're doing something even if you're sleeping a lovable person would recognize that they need rest they need to sleep and it's chill It's cool But I'm not being productive in my sleep I should be reading an audio book while I sleep

What? No sleep Relax It's fine It's chill Why do you want to take a nap Because you're tired Okay take a nap It's cool

It isn't as easy as we think To truly be ourselves Because there is no There is no end There is no moment where you're fully yourself It's a constant thing it's a everyday thing it really is just like a choice you know those memes that are like there's two wolves inside of me it's one of those things you got to choose to be yourself or you can choose not to that's fine too

but you'll find out pretty quickly when you feel guilty when you feel tired when you feel like you've been performing for everybody. That ain't worth it. It really isn't. And being yourself is scary because you have to take accountability for a lot of things. And why take accountability

when you can just like distract yourself? It's hard. But no one said any of this was easy. Nobody said that. And I don't want you to feel like you need to have everything figured out and you need to know who you are right away. it's the biggest lie that we've been sold

that at 1821 you have to figure everything out that you have to know exactly what is your five-year plan no life doesn't work in a five-year plan bro it does not it doesn't

you can have dreams you can have aspirations you can have goals and those are all good things and you should have those things but all of those things are built in the day to day and maybe right now your focus should be on figuring out how you can be better for yourself and maybe that's something as simple as like when you go to bed brushing your teeth

because I'll be forgetting I'm just gonna keep it a buck and like I know I have to do it and I've gotten in a good habit of doing it now even when I'm like no I used to have this rule where I'm like oh if it's like past 3 a.m. It's like I'm gonna wake up at 8 a.m. so like I don't have to brush them.

No, brush them bro. You have one set of teeth, okay, brush them, where else you're going to get those veneers that, like, are porcelain and you have to, like, eat things sideways? Have you heard of that? What? Low-key, those veneers look crazy, though. Like, I might have to tap it.

No, no, I'm not tapping into veneers. Heck no. But, yeah, why do you want it? Why do you want it? Do you want it for yourself? Or do you want it for other people? and why is this so important? We don't ask it enough.

And maybe you just want it. That's cool too. That's more than fine. But just make sure it's coming from a place that's going to build you up and not that's just going to distract you and keep you, you know, looking away from the real problem. Because that only works for so long, Zerky, show. That only works for so long. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? What? You can

watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it. The choice is yours. It's the Zirky Show everywhere you go all over the globe. So if you want to tap in, tap in. You've got mail from who? The Zirky Show. We are looking for people to send letters, questions, whatever is on your beautiful mind to this P.O. Box for a chance to be featured in an upcoming show we're working on called M. time with Zirky. If this interests you, this is how to direct your package, your letter, whatever you choose to send. I cannot wait to see what your beautiful mind comes up with. So if you want to tap in, tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Try cooking something new for yourself. Today I cooked ground turkey and red cabbage. I mixed it up with some onions. It was

pretty good, bro. I'm not even going to lie. I haven't had cabbage in years, even though I'm a polack. I have not had it in so long. So it was really, really good. to have some cabbage. Other than that, if you're trying something new, you need someone to believe in you. I believe in you. That's a reason to get started on it. Zerky Show, I trust you,

and also I am sending you lots of love. And peace!