the zurkie show - does hating your ex help you

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

if you hate someone,there's a good chance they remind you of the worst parts of yourself.so use that energy to change that.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I hated her. I absolutely hated my ex because she showed me who I was. She showed me that I was insecure about a lot of things, that I didn't really believe in myself in the way that I thought. And when she challenged me, when she sat there and told me, I don't think you are serious about anything you want to do in your life. And I think you waste your time more than anything. I realized, I hate you. I hate you. Why would you ever say that? You're my girlfriend. You're supposed to be the person that will support me no matter what. You would run through a brick wall to protect me.

But then I realized that I don't actually hate her. I hate you. Even though I point my fingers at her, I got three pointing back. Your hatred for another person is hatred within yourself. It's disguised, but that's usually what it is. your hatred of someone who does not subscribe to who you believe they should be is coming from the fact that you do not follow any of the morals that you set for yourself that you let yourself down if you are quick and and super super cutthroat about judging someone

else it means that you impose those same standards on yourself when someone says that they hate me, which happens. I realize that they don't actually hate me. It's a reflection of them. It's a reflection of their character, who they are. And sure, I will be the first one to say that I messed up. I was not perfect in that relationship. And we were never going to work.

But to go and just turn all of this realization, this, I don't know, discovery, about who I was and who this other person was into hatred, I don't think that that serves me well. Because hatred is a great fuel. Oh, it is. I mean, think of history. How many times people were able to push ideologies and beliefs just because of hatred?

We're kind of seeing it happen now, I would say. It's really easy to be a hater. It's really easy to tear somebody apart and then use that as leverage for your own self and be like, I'm way better than this person. This person sucks. We all do it. I hate to admit it, right? But we all sometimes hate. Another part of it is because it's a cheap fuel.

When you are given the precursors to hate somebody, usually when that's an X, it makes it so easy to change. because the entire time you are wanting them to see the change, and so you work extra hard to make sure it is rubbed in their face. The best and most consistent times in my life when I was in my best shape was because I was trying to prove that I hate on the other person. Yes, I'll admit it. I was trying to show that person that they messed up,

and it wasn't coming from a place of love for my own body. It was coming from a place of smugness. I wanted to show up to a party that they were at, that I knew they were going to be at, and have a nice, tight-fitting shirt and have them be like, oh, wow, he did really glow up, didn't he? But the problem with hatred and the emotion of hate and the fuel that it brings

is it doesn't last long. You can only operate out of hate for so long until you realize that they don't care. They don't care. And then it makes you wonder who am I doing all this for? Because it's not for them. They don't really matter.

What the heck? Like, you're kind of left at a loss. Well, the hatred then goes to you. And battling yourself, battling your internal dialogues, battling the side of you that wants to lose and that wants to feel comfortable and does not want you to succeed

that is one of the hardest battles every human being will face in their life. And I'll tell you right now, if you want to change things about yourself, it's not going to come from hatred. It's not. Because when you have another person to blame, it is so much easier to put yourself on a pedestal. It is so much easier to embrace the things that are good about yourself because you are being attacked from an enemy that is not within you. But when that turns inward, you don't have anyone to blame other than yourself.

So you begin to only blame yourself. So you begin to constantly just hate yourself. And you do not, you do not build any bridges to give yourself any kind of support. I have had to unlearn hating myself for the past 23 years of my life. I mean, when I was a baby, I don't think I was hating myself.

I mean, that would be pretty cruel. So let's put it at like when I was a teenager and I started to really listen to my inner critic and I started to really care about what other people thought of me because that's usually where a lot of the stems from. That's where like self-hatred came in its full force. So let's put it at like seven, six, seven years. I've been battling my inner demons. and it's draining.

And you know what? Hatred is just indulgent. It kind of feels good to know that you're, you're hating on somebody. It does. It's like, it's this idea that you're, you will be better than them.

No matter what they do, you can always find something to pick, you know, pinpoint and pick apart. But when it's yourself, you begin to, you begin to kind of enjoy the fact that you can be so terrible to yourself, that you can, like,

be destructive in your habits, and your choices, and you have to deal with it, but it's a future use problem and whatever. They don't deserve your love anyways. I hate you. I hate you. So I'm going to do everything for you to realize that I hate you.

I'm going to be with this terrible person that I know is bad for me, because I hate myself. So whatever, like it's on brand. I'm going to sabotage my plan. of wanting a better future for myself because I don't deserve it. I never did. I'm going to alienate myself from the people around me because they don't deserve to be my friends because I wouldn't even be my friend. So this pattern is dangerous. And this pattern of self-hate is one

that we've become so accustomed to, I think, because it is A, easy. And B, we are now in a society of hate being the next step after love. It's like two sides. Everything is two-sided. Everything is extreme. So it's either you love somebody or you hate somebody. There isn't this, well, you know, we didn't work out. It's cool.

Like, that's fine. It happens. And this love and hate relationship, right? These two are ideas of what they mean are completely skewed. A lot of us have very, very unrealistic expectations and very just like delusional ideas of what love is. Because it is modeled by things we see. Because it is modeled by our assumptions of how a couple is doing because they're always smiling together. But behind the closed doors, they hate each other.

Sure. He bought him, you know, a Chanel bracelet. That's awesome. but he also cheated on him. So that's love? Okay. Maybe it is if you get a Chanel bracelet. I don't know.

Does Chanel even make bracelets? Maybe I can replace it with Cartier. That's the love bracelet. Yeah, yeah. I know about the Cardia. Love bracelet. Unk knows a thing or two. But again, this polarization causes us then to think that hatred is okay.

And it's the norm. not the norm. It's not. You creating like this self-destructive path like a tornado just because you missed somebody's birthday and that was the start of it. That's not that's that shouldn't be how you act in my opinion. All right, you made a mistake. Okay, you admit it. Great. Let's move on. That doesn't need to be like the false flag for you to torment yourself. Why? Why? And I've done that plenty. Man, when I really think about it, like I have...

I've used the smallest things, like, missing a day at the gym, to go into my pantry and rate it like it was a Clash of Clans, you know, Clash Royale game, and I'm just destroying everything. Because, oh, you know, I hate you. That's like the internal dialogue. like, I hate you. Yeah, you're going to eat all that, aren't you? All those lays potato chips. You're going to eat all of them. And I don't even, like, there'll be some chips that were left over from a party because I'm not really a person that buys chips like that. That was never like a thing in

my household. You know, my parents are Polish. Like, we had healthy snacks. Okay. We did not have the American Fruit Loops rolls. Oh my goodness. And I would always get in trouble by my American friends because I would go over and raid their pantries because their parents would go to Costco and buy like huge boxes of like, you know, what did I really like? I love those little yogurt. Oh, the yogurt balls. What?

They were like these yo play balls. You guys know what I'm talking about? And they were so good. There were these yogurt covered ball, chocolate covered yogurt balls. I would eat so much, man. Or Cheetos, anything. Anything my grubby hands could get on, I would eat it.

And, you know, it'd be some Doritos or something that had been left over from a party. And that would just be like, I would just, I would sulk in it. It was one day that I missed, bro. It doesn't mean that I'm never going to go back to the gym. And even if I do eat some Doritos, who cares, bro?

Who cares? But it's because I'm operating out of a place of hatred. It's not that I'm like, yo, I'm craving some kind of snack right now. Like, let me have a bowl of Doritos and let me enjoy it. It's the idea that I need to overdo it and I need this excess. to prove how bad of a person I am, and so I have more evidence that I'm worthless and that I hate myself, right? And maybe that's not like the way it shows for you. Maybe the way it shows for you is that you're a serial dater and you just can't give yourself a break because you hate yourself,

which wouldn't that be the opposite? Like, wouldn't you wanting to go and like have a good time with a bunch of people? That's like, that's a good thing. and I'm not one to judge that. If that's what you want to do, you should do that. But if you don't want to do that, and instead it's kind of like, well, this is all I'm good for, or like this is just who I am, I guess. Even though deep down you don't want to be that kind of person,

why are you doing it? The ride that steals the spotlight every time it hits the road, that's the Volkswagen TIG one. Its sleek exterior makes a first impression you can't ignore. Step inside to find available full leather seat. seats and wood accents. Under the hood, the available 201 turbocharged horsepower engine gives it a fun to drive edge.

The refined Tiguan, you deserve more style. Visit vw.ca to learn more. SUVW, German engineered for all. Why? Well, it's because of this belief, man. It's because that you hate yourself. And sometimes hatred in yourself is unlocked by another person. Sometimes you need someone to kind of be the game.

gateway to your self-hatred and they'll tell you things about, you know, your actions. They'll tell you that, you know, you're super clingy just because you want them to text you back like within the same day. You're so clingy. What is wrong with you? What? That'll make you believe that you are just a super cringe, hateworthy individual. Or maybe your parents have made you believe that.

dude our parents be putting a lot of pressure on us that isn't even based on our actions it's just based in their own insecurities it's based in their own hatred of themselves hard reality to swallow because you know you have your one set of parents you got to love your parents but you also have to understand where the line is drawn and where them looking out for you is actually them trying to throw their self-pity, their self-hatred onto an external force. And sometimes they don't even know that they're doing it, but still, like,

it's not fair to you. You've got to recognize that and be like, all right, I ain't about that. Mama, I'm not about that. Tata, I'm not about that. Nah, not even. Not even. Hatred is dangerous, man, because it's addicting. It's so easy

and it's so fulfilling in the wrong way. It makes you think that you're doing something good, but in reality, what you're doing is you're just feeding an egotistical side of you that wants you to feel like you have some kind of power because you don't have any power in your own life. The people that hate on other people rarely look inward because if they did look inward, it makes them so uncomfortable, they can't bear it so they'd rather put it on somebody else. And I think a lot of us are at this point because think about it, even on a small micro level, you're judged every day. You're judged every day. you're judged by your subconscious by what you see on here you're judged by the actions of others

you like you are continually continuously being judged for who you are all the time so of course if people are already looking at you in a negative light you're going to hate yourself you're just going to have more and more things that tell you oh yeah i am i am just dumb I am stupid. I don't have anything good for myself. We need to uplift each other, man. We need to give each other the room to make mistakes. We need to break up with each other in person and have a final say.

And not have it be over text and say, this isn't working for me. It's not you. It's me. You need to sit with those emotions in a car looking at each other. other and having that conversation of like dude I don't think you're my person or these things are driving me nuts like you not giving me any time or attention when I come home from a long day and just kind of like being there not wanting to interact with me or you not even asking me how I'm doing and just these these

monologues that you talk to me about like your own problems that you never change I just don't like them They're not good for me. And they're not fair to me because you just don't care about me. We need to say these things. Because when you text it to somebody, that does not convey the feelings. And what happens instead is you two misinterpret what's going on and you build hatred. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes.

Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Joe. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements. Instant payouts and no minimum withdraws. Hey, I just won. Woohoo.

Feel the fun. Play, oh, Joe. Honey, forget about the lasagna. Let's celebrate. 19 plus Ontario only. Please play responsibly. Concern about your gambling or that if someone close to you. Call 86-531-2600 or visitconXontario.ca.

Think about it. In the moment you don't hate the other person, it's only afterwards when you really reflect on it, that you're like, oh, this was messed up. Oh, this is terrible. And it gives you more and more fuel and ammo to hate on somebody when in reality. when you break up with somebody, your goal is to come to terms and come to peace with what has happened and move on with your life.

They're not a part of your life anymore. Any amount of negativity that you hold on to, any amount of just like anger, hatred, it bogs you down. It keeps you there. You're better than that. I know you're better than that, Zirky Show and you're better than hating yourself. So stop saying I hate you. Stop inflicting this kind of

pain and suffering onto yourself when really you don't deserve it. And you never did. And this is hard, but I promise you it can be done. And loving somebody is a lot harder than hating somebody. And I urge you as well to challenge yourself. What does loving yourself actually look like? Because I don't think it just looks like getting yourself a macho smoothie in Japan just because you can. It looks like accepting the flaws and accepting also the hatred that you might have to work on within yourself and towards other people. Today's episode of The Zirky Show was filmed in beautiful Miami, Florida as these leaves glisten on my face and cast a beautiful shadow. If you want to listen to more of The Zirky Show, guess what? I got just a thing for you. These are the ways to tap into the Zirky Show.

So if you want to tap in, tap in. You can watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it, the choice is yours. We have beautiful communities all over the interwebs. It's the Zirky Show everywhere you go. Tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Please get in a body of water. One that doesn't have brain-eating amoebas, because those exist in Texas.

You guys know about this? You can get a brain-eating amoeba that will just eat your brain. Low-key, man, maybe I got a tap-in. that because sometimes maybe that's the cure to overthinking is a brain-eating amoeba. Other than that, Zerkees show, just go for a swim. Enjoy water. Water is so nice. It's so freeing. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, Zerky Show, I am sending you lots of love and peace.