the zurkie show - don’t let others think for you

Episode Date: February 28, 2025

we all care what other people think. it's inevitable. we want to fit in, we want to feel like we belong. but maybe taking someone's opinion as fact is depriving you from joy you never knew existed.if you feel like trying something out would benefit your life, give it a shot. sometimes nuanced perspectives do more harm than good.love you, peaaaaaaace!!!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

Maybe you've done things in your past that you're not proud of, and there are perspectives that are looming on you that you feel judged by. Those perspectives will always be there, but it doesn't mean they're true. I used to be someone who was easily influenced by the people around me. Their opinions mattered the most. I would make decisions act in certain ways, create a character of myself because I just wanted to please everyone except me. and maybe you're finding yourself in a situation now where you're realizing that a lot of the actions that you've done, a lot of the personality traits you've picked up are just mimicking the things that you think other people want to see in you and they're not actually speaking to who you are. And that is a weird thought to have. It's also a weird thought when you realize that everything you've been told by other people about a certain thing, about yourself, well,

it's only one point of view. It's only one point of view. And there are a lot of different point of views. I think oftentimes we do get in this mindset that one person's word is gospel. One video that we watch online, that is what it is, right? We see something that is speaking to our insecurities. We find something that is basically taking advantage of the fact that, I don't know, maybe we feel lonely, maybe we feel upset, and it exploits it, and it makes it feel like everything

is that way. Oh, my goodness, all men are this way. All women are this way. I'm never going to be able to find love. I'm never going to be able to do the things that I want. Everything is rigged against me. And the truth is, there is truth to a lot of the things that we see. But it's only one POV.

It's only one perspective. It's only one kind of thing. And the truth of the matter is everything is nuanced. There are a lot of different ways that people do things. There are a lot of different opinions on what is good and what is not. And for example, there are a lot of different ways that people can go on a walk or enjoy this canyon that I'm sitting in. You know? And I think it's about crafting your own POV, your own point of view.

one that is able to be challenged. There are a lot of people that lock themselves in their perspective, and that is that. I have tried everything in my power to not do that, and I fall short. I have biases. I have certain ideas of how the world works, but I have a openness for them to be changed. I don't really have set in stone, this is the way it is. everything is rigged. Is there parts of this human experience that are unfair?

Yeah, a lot. $60 at Chili's is not fair. You know, but there are also so many parts of this human experience that I can't even begin to understand. We just kind of go through it. The beauty of getting in an altercation or a fight, being able to make up afterwards, and learning something about another person is so, it's just a breath of fresh air. And I think that understanding that's only one point of view and that there are so many

is actually key to keeping an open mind, which in my opinion will make you lead a good life. Here's why. I think that going out and doing something on your own to figure out if you like it or not or experiencing something yourself to know if it is good or not, is so important. Case in point, this is a really simple example, but growing up, everyone told me that the two worst cities on this planet are New York and L.A. New York sucks. It is dirty, it's gross, it's unsafe, L.A., terrible, everyone's fake, it's just like a clout chasing machine. And I heard all of this growing up from people who had never even been to these places, one, two,

like their takes were very nuanced in the experiences that they heard about. This episode is brought to you by Tell Us Online Security. Oh, tax season is the worst. You mean hack season? Sorry, what? Yeah, cybercriminals love tax forms. But I've got Tellus Online Security. It helps protect against identity theft and financial fraud

so I can stress less during tax season or any season. Plan started just $12 a month. Learn more at tellus.com slash online security. No one can prevent all cybercrime or identity theft. Conditions apply. And I remember there was a moment where I had an opportunity to go out to New York, and I even considered being like, well, the news is telling me that it's super unsafe. And like people around me are telling me, no, don't do that.

Like, you might get, you know, mugged or something. And I was just like, you know what? Why don't I just see for myself? If it's really that bad, it will show. If it's really that terrible, I'll at least know that I'm not going back there. And when I went, I was blown away. I remember for the first time when I went to New York as an adult, I experienced it with my friend Khalil.

And he introduced me to so many incredible people and people who were, you know, very similar to me. They were doing something creative. They wanted to pursue a life in art or corporate, whatever. But they were just on this mindset of making things happen. I loved it. Khalil took me to a bunch of incredible places. We ate pretty cheap.

I was afraid of breaking the bank, but we genuinely had such a good time in that city, and it made me tie these emotions to New York that I really, really love. And that was a nuanced experience. That's only one POV, right? Maybe some of you watching this are from New York, and you left because you were like, this sucks.

Valid. Valid. I had the same feeling about Chicago. I was like, Chicago is one of the first. of the most mid cities in the world until I left and now I I get it now I get it Chicago is incredible I love that city and I will forever have a place in my heart for that city bro that is like wow and recently I went to L.A. for the second time and I remember just everyone ever I've talked to about L.A. They hate L.A. They think L.A. They think L.A.

LA is the worst city in the world. And it was a lot of my peers who, like, you know, they went there on a nuanced occasion, or maybe they felt like the vibe is off. It's all about vibes, right? And this time when I went to Los Angeles, I, again, visited a friend of mine, Carson, and he introduced me to a bunch of different people. And again, I was blown away. I had seen parts of Los Angeles that made me really, really grow a fondness to it.

I really liked it. And again, that's only one POV. I guess what I'm trying to say is everything is nuanced. Schloggs going and crossing the river. They're nuanced, you know. We just laid down. And everyone's perspective is valid, right? It's like we can't really recreate what it feels like to be in somebody else's shoes down to a T.

We don't know. But I think it's so important that. you learn from other people's perspectives and you at least understand that, okay, their experience is valid in some kind of way and there's something to learn about it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to reflect your own. And then it's the question of, well, what is the right perspective, Zerki? What is the perspective that is the end-all be-all? Like, how do you decide if something is good or bad?

And the truth is, you don't. You don't. there is no good or bad. It's only something as good or bad to you. The same dream that you have of how you want your life to look like and what you want to do in it might be somebody's nightmare. And it's such a weird thing to think about because we often project our own opinions on other people

and we think that everyone thinks the same way. But we don't. We don't think the same way. Everyone has their own opinion on everything. But what I think is happening is a lot of people don't want to think about difficult things in their life. And so they adopt the opinions that other people seem to make, you know, maybe opinions that are exploited on insecurities, maybe opinions that are exploited upon, I don't know, deep thoughts that you don't even want to really like get into, you know, you just want to lock them

away. There is a lot of darkness in just being alive, right? And sometimes it's easier to find a scapegoat for the thoughts that we go through and it's sometimes easier to just ignore them than it is to actually be like, yo, this is, what I'm going through right now sucks. I don't like it. I feel uncomfortable. It's really just like it's mid. And it makes you think, it really does. I've had instances in my life where I would just hear somebody say something and be like, dude, no, like your relationship that you're in, like, you just got to give it a chance. You've got to change your perspective on it. That's a great.

That's a great point of view. But I knew deep down that's not the problem here. The problem is there's a root problem. It was probably something to do with me in this relationship and I need to address it because this could get really, really out of hand. But like, you will be influenced by people. No, don't. Why are you trying to find the perfect person? Like, just settle down. I'm not even trying to find the perfect person. I'm trying to find a good person and that's hard to find. You know, until maybe it takes a little bit of acceptance that there is no perfect person. Are you perfect? No. Unless you're like Chad GPT, then, I mean, even chat be like not perfect. You know, I try to have them, you know, send some good messages. to people and it'll be like, oh, it's a whirlwind of time that I haven't seen you.

What? Who talks like that? Chat Chitee, get your money up, not your funny up. Real talk. But there is something to be said about this perfectionism that does loom over, you know, your own life. And maybe you're feeling that right now. Maybe there is kind of this point of view online that you see that is telling you you need to be a certain way. or it is trying to coerce you through your insecurities to be like, I'm not good enough.

When in reality, like, the best tools to work with are the ones that you have at your disposal in your shed. You know, oftentimes we try to grab for something that seems like that's going to be the solution. Oh, if I get, you know, a nicer shirt, if I get, you know, a nicer chain, if I just move to this city, all of my problems will be solved. and hey, that is one POV. And that's one to take into consideration. I, when I moved to Georgia, thought that that was going to solve a lot of the problems and a lot of the turmoil I was facing. And it distracted me from it. It didn't solve it.

But I'm glad I did it because then I knew moving to Austin after I graduated college that, okay, I'm going to feel the same way in this new city. I will. and it's on me entirely to decide how I'm going to act here. And man, that was one, you know, I got a lot of different POVs telling me, what are you doing? That's not, why are you going there? You need to either go to L.A. or New York. You need to do X, Y, and Z. And I just decided I'm going to find out for myself.

I need to see. I need to see. Maybe there's some kind of risk you want to take. Maybe there's something you really, really want to do, something that's speaking to you right now. But the idea of doing that thing is actually going, it's scaring you, right? Because you have these other perspectives that are telling you that's bad or that's not good. Maybe you've done things in your past that you're not proud of. And there are perspectives that are looming on you that you feel judged by.

Those perspectives will always be there, but it doesn't mean they're true. The main perspective that's true is honestly your own. That can be dangerous too because you've got to make sure. sure you're open-minded, at least in my opinion, I think it's so valuable to be that way. I think the quicker you become comfortable with the fact that certain things you won't really know until you try, you won't really understand until you do them, the easier it becomes to deal with other people's perspectives. I think that there is so much value in having experiences, right, just across the board. I've said that so many times. I'm like a broken record.

Rear-stit experiences or years to the perspective. Okay. But I think that it is, it is really, really powerful when you hear somebody giving their perspective, and it's one that is different from yours, and you can listen to it. And you can kind of see where they're coming from. And you can chime in with your own and be like, hey, I don't see things that way. Rosen lasagna, medium power. 15 minutes. Sounds like

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Or that. And enjoy. Via rail, love the way. I've been to New York plenty of times. I think it's a beautiful, a beautiful place. My grandma once lived in New York. She was actually cleaning houses out there as a Polish immigrant at one point. And she always told me,

New York is Pempec Shvata, which translates to like, New York is the center of the world. And every time I go there, I don't know, I have this aura around it that I'm like, dang, hella Polish people were cleaning houses out here. It just makes me want to clean. Something genetically makes me want to be a Polish maid. I don't know if that's so bad to say. No, no, but, you know, that in itself is only one point of view.

Because I know plenty of people, you know, even in the American dream that, came to America and ruined their life. Their life changed. They were unhappy. So it really is about doing it. It really is about figuring out if the step in that direction is one that's going to serve you well. And I think when you start doing things like dirt biking, you realize if the other perspectives are valid or not.

Actually, you going out of your way and trying something does validate oftentimes. like the fear or the advice that people will give you. I think a lot of us get advice on relationships, though, and like things to do in our life, how to maximize your 20s, that is like low-key just fear-mongering. It is hurt people trying to project their pain onto people who have the power to choose. They have the power to try. Oh, I've given up.

Well, who said it was going to be easy? Who said that you potentially finding someone that you want to be with was going to be like a walk in the park. For some people it is, man. They walk outside of their apartment in Italy. There's a beautiful gentleman selling gelato. And they're like, hey, what up, Shottie? And then they become, you know, they're there forever.

I hope that he enjoyed what I just said. listening to a perspective that's telling you just quit it's not worth it i don't know it's it's one pov there is truth to that maybe the truth is that you shouldn't be putting your effort into relationships that are not reciprocatory right that you don't feel as if you're valued in that you don't feel as if hey this person is looking out for me or they really like me but just giving up completely i think you close so many doors just listening to other people sometimes, you close opportunities. But at the same point, I listen to point of views.

I do. Sometimes I make up my mind on point of views. And oftentimes it's because I amass a couple, like more than five. And I'm like, okay, this is giving me different views of the same, you know, different angles of the same thing. Oh, shoot. Oh, no. Oh, heck no. I just drop this in water.

Oh, that's great. That is a beautiful thing. But actually, it's not, hey. You know, I don't know. One point of view would be like, this episode is ruined. But another one is like, it's just water, you know. It's just alcohol.

It's going to be fine. But I look at point of views as different angles looking at something, right? For example, you're at an art museum, and there is a beautiful Moroccan vase, and you're looking at it from one angle, and you see the inscriptions of it, and it's like, whoa, there's a date on it. Super, super cool.

And then you take, you know, two steps to the left, one hop this time, two hops this time, slide to the left, slide to the right, right? And then a schlalb comes in. What up, man? Hey. And you realize, wait a minute, this is completely different. There is something else to this, that I completely didn't even notice the first time I was looking at it.

There's actually a horse inscribed on this beautiful vase. Different perspectives serve as these different angles at the same problem. And it allows you to know about maybe potential outcomes and potential experiences before they happen. And that is so valuable. You know, your significant other warning you about something that they see, I don't like this friend. This friend's getting a little too touchy with you,

a little too close to you, that's, you know, one perspective. They see that and they're like, hey, I just want to warn you. You know, could this be benign and not matter? Of course. Yeah, totally. But could it also be a potential problem? Yeah, because I'm basing it off of my POV of things I've experienced in the past. And I think when you realize that you can, you don't have to just subscribe to one point of view.

You can, you can pick and choose. You know, my mom has talked to me about how when she, decided to drop everything. She had a career in Poland. She was doing okay for herself. She was like girl bossing, basically. And she dropped everything to move to the United States and be a camp counselor and get paid like no money, negative money. Her parents, my grandparents were like, this is a bad idea. You are going to regret this. Why are you doing this? You have everything perfect. And she understood that, hey, that's valid, but that's only one point of view. And if I don't try it, if I don't go out and just see what will happen.

And, you know, who knows? And I'm supportive of that because I would have not been born and being alive is pretty chill. So I, thank you, Mom, W Mom. So I think at the end of the day, if you are feeling like other people's opinions do run in your brain rent free. And they sit on the couch of your inside brain and they say, oh, well, so and so. said that you weren't going to be good at this, even though you have an inclination that you would be, they told you that that career doesn't make any money, or, oh, well, your mom told you that you weren't going to be successful on this, and you got to choose something else. Oh, well,

this person said that you shouldn't move to that city because that city sucks and you're not going to find anyone that you want to date. Okay, come to terms with those opinions, right? They exist. They exist for a reason. But it's only one. It's only one. It's only one. and everything is nuanced. There is no one opinion that, you know, rules the world. There isn't. So then it's about crafting your own perspective and trying it out for yourself. It's intriguing because now we are in an age where a couple comments on a post will determine

how people feel about a certain piece of media, about a certain place, about a certain person, thing, animal, whatever. the truth is again I'm hammering this home that's one point of view and it's so easy to just let that be well I mean there's 50 comments that say mid so it's mid you haven't even given it a chance well it's tacky to do this so I'm not going to do this well what if you really like that thing what if that is actually what brings you joy well a lot of people have told me that like you know I'm ugly been there brother it's one point of view because you won't understand until

you know you look at it as a point of view and then suddenly someone appreciates you for who you are and they find you handsome everyone's perspective is different we chain ourselves in these shackles of like social media I think and also the standard of what it means to be

Gen Z, what it means to be 20 in your 20s and figuring things out but I do think that one of the best things you can do is just try it out for yourself. Build your own perspective. And maybe that perspective is built on the perspectives of others, just hearing things out. You know, take note of that.

Don't discount somebody's perspective just because it's different than yours. Try to see where you see eye to eye. Try to at least understand it maybe from their shoes. And then see it for yourself. Maybe you don't agree. And that's okay. but there isn't one way of doing things. There never has been.

There never will be. So I think you'll get a lot of comfort in just realizing that, hey, that's one POV, that's one experience, it's one person. There's so many experiences to still have Zirky Show.

There are so many experiences and POVs to see. But in the end, you're going to be okay. I have an announcement. If you want the day, chance to be featured in the first episode of Mail Time with Zirky. This is the way to do it. This is my P.O. Box. This is the way to send them things. I'm super excited to see what you guys have come up with. So far, we've gotten some good ones. So yeah, if you want to send something,

be my guest. This is the way to address it. Also, did you know that the Zirky show is everywhere you go? You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. Yes, this is true. If you want to tap in, tap in. But no. Zirky Show ain't going nowhere. We're here to stay every single day. Do the things that bring you joy, try something new, know that you probably are going to have bad experiences in order to appreciate the new ones. And if you need someone to believe in you on your journey, that could be me. I believe in you. Prove it. Do something for yourself that makes you feel the champion of your own story. Because why not? A lot of us go through a lot of rough times. Sometimes it's good.

to do something for yourself. Zerky Show, I am sending you plenty of love and peace.