the zurkie show - everything I hated I now love

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

it's true ya know...I find myself circling back to things that in the past I didn't enjoy so much. The beach is a prime example. Now I truly love being by the water and walking.People are in the same category. There were a lot of people I wasn't super keen on, come to find out they became my best friends.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaace.https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I used to really hate coming to the beach, man. I hated this. This was like my worst nightmare was the idea of me and my grandma having to spend an entire day at the beach. Do you know how much FIFA as a kid that was for me? Like a six-hour beach day. That was a whole career mode. A to Z. I could promote a team from the bottom division to the Premier League and buy Ronaldo or something.

Anyways, the beach used to be my arched nemesis. and I hated it so much that I would find ways to like escape being at the beach, which in my life became walking. As a kid, I would take these long walks on the stretch of the coastline. And suddenly, when I would go on these walks, I had so much space to imagine myself in different scenarios, to imagine myself doing different things. It almost gave me this weird space to be in my own dreamland.

And then all of a sudden, like, I didn't hate the beach as much. I still hated it. Don't get me wrong. I still didn't like going. But it started to become a lot more bearable. And the idea of sitting with my grandmother on the beach is something that I would give up anything for,

especially now that she hasn't been alive for probably close to a year. It's kind of funny that in our lives, the things that we almost reject the most immediately end up being things that we are the most proud of, we love the most sometimes, and teach us the most about ourselves. Every one of my best friends,

people I look up to, people I respect in my life. I once had this fight or flight feeling about. I once was like, who the heck is this guy? I remember very vividly when I met my best friend, Dylan, when he was in his dorm room in college, I was almost like,

I heard that he was also into making videos and doing YouTube stuff. And it was like this, I felt threatened almost. And I think there's a reason that this happens. I think internally, it's almost like when something is very, very new to us, and it challenges us in a way that we're not even prepared for yet, we kind of have this moment of like, uh-oh, because it flips everything that you know

on its head. And it could be a really, really scary thing to go from like knowing your life in one way and then having it go into a complete other. Another thing. Another reason I've kind of fall in love with the beach. How you doing, man? Argentina, yes. Adios.

That's right there. Another reason I love the beach so much was because you got to meet people from all over the world. That was always really, really fun. But it also forced me to shut up. I had this habit as a kid of always talking to myself and always creating these like stories of, you know, what I was doing. It was usually because I was bored and I was an only child. So that was our, that was my entertainment. And funny thing is, when I would go to the beach, I would have to, well, I would, I would run out of energy.

I mean, when I was walking down the coastline, I would just get to a point where I'd be like, all right, I'm going to shut up and just like watch the waves. and that's really when you kind of get it out of your system you can kind of open up almost like a different flow state a different mode beast mode now you open up this this very pure subconscious like all the stuff in your subconscious psyche kind of just begins to float into your front and center stage and you kind of look at it and you're like oh I did not know that I I had feelings for this person. I didn't know that I wasn't

happy with the fact that they made fun of me in this little moment. Like all of these tiny little film film clippings of life begin to play over and over again. And

that I think was in a broader context, me realizing how to unpack stuff, which I think is a skill. And it is a skill that is now rarely used. A lot of people, I believe, don't even have the time, don't give themselves a mental time to unpack, to sit in silence because it's not deemed as productive. That's a big one. People don't think it's productive to just sit and like,

bro, you got to, if you're not doing this, you got to do something else. It's also not desirable. Nobody wants to sit with their emotions and thoughts. Like, why would you want to sit in the pain of rejection. Why would you want to sit in the pain of grief? Like if you can have something that will immediately distract your brain and make you think something different or hijack your pleasure senses, you're going to do that immediately. But if you want to unpack and still feel like you're doing something good, I think it's about finding something you can turn your brain off with. Whether that's playing sport, whether that's working out, whether that's walking, whether that's writing, anything that can make you feel like you do,

you can just almost like observe your body from a third person perspective, like it's GTA or, you know, Skyrim have third person? Maybe. I think there's a mod for it. Um, no, no, no, if you can, if you can kind of detach yourself, that's where you, that's where you're going to have the most growth. And I think I have, I have, have been doing a very good job at that. I think I'm very, very reflective, but sometimes I don't allow that center stage to come into play

because maybe I'm having guilty thoughts. Maybe I'm like, oh, man, I should have went on that run earlier. Oh, man, you know, I'm really cooking my life by spending a couple hundred dollars on groceries a week.

My God. But in reality, bro, like, if you don't build that time, for you as an adult you're going to get very overwhelmed because as your responsibilities pick up you are going to have less and less opportunities like kind of in between opportunities like i had the opportunity to walk on the beach uh and and chill if you don't deliberately make that time for yourself

you are not going to have that time and that is how you hold and like you hold that resentment and that confusion and that emotion in your body. You really do. That's not even like I, you can feel a difference when you have really reflected and I think a lot of people go through this by, you know, using substances if you catch my drift of what I'm saying. And I have, you know, hey, I don't judge. I think that's for a lot of people when that reflection happens, but I can tell you can, you can, you don't need to do that in order to have those kind of thoughts. You just need to be comfortable with giving yourself the time to unpack all these things. How do you unpack traumatic things that have happened to you without bringing up like really bad and messed up emotions?

How do you unpack like, dude, years of neglect of your body, of your mental, of you, of unrealized potential? You cry. You cry. I wish there was another way. You cry. And you cry like you're thugging it out. Like you cry like, no, no.

No, you let it out. You let it out. And it will feel like an hour, like hours actually of you just like spilling. But really what it is, it's like it's probably 15 minutes. then you're going to be like, okay, cool. Now I'm at the, I'm good, I'm good.

And you don't tell yourself that it'll never happen again, because sometimes these patterns are very difficult to unlearn. If you are somebody that was always taking care of your family, taking care of the needs of others, if you were a chronic people pleaser, if you were somebody who never emotionally invested yourself into someone else because you saw your parents divorce at a young age and you realize that love is a scam in your eyes.

These are things that take a lifetime of experience and proof to unwire, but you're always going to have, I think, in my opinion, a little bit of that tendency. And that's okay. What matters is that you recognize that. And you notice when you're building up resentment, when you're building these kind of emotions.

And then you tell yourself, we're going on the beach, we're going for a walk, we're doing something to give ourselves that space. And bro, in my life, what has helped me is this expectation that, like, I don't, I don't want to cry in front of other people. And I don't need to. I don't want to go through these kinds of thoughts and feelings like in the vicinity of other people. I kind of want to be on my own when I do it. and that's okay you have to find what works for you what works for me is solo time is a week

nobody else but me is cooking for myself it's having downtime for myself it's watching films for myself that's what helps me and i'm very glad that i at least listen to myself that much and i trust myself that much to know when it's time to take a break and go for a walk and Sometimes, bro, I hate it. It's the worst thing in the world, and I don't want to do it. But then I think back of that time when I was with my grandparents, and I know that I'll hit a point where I'll stop all the overthinking, I'll stop all the emotional jargon,

and I'll just walk and enjoy a Zerky show. My camera is about to... And of course, the camera didn't make it all the way through. somehow we were able to go to the moon just fine, but they can't make a battery that lasts more than 15 minutes. Don't know how that works. I'm not asking any questions about it, though. I like my life.

If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you, Zerky Show. And as always, I'm sending all of you across the globe, whether you're in a small town, big town, no town, little frown, big frown. Love and peace. That was pretty. Pretty gangster right there.