the zurkie show - healing doesn’t mean forgetting them

Episode Date: April 5, 2025

I know deep down we don't want to seem like we care, but we do.I've learned to accept the fact that I missed my ex-partner at one point or another. there's no shame in it. but I also know there is a big difference between the person they are and the person I "fell in love" with.feel those emotions, feel the sadness, feel the pain of seeing them with someone else. we need to feel these things in order to make a change for the better. at least I think so.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

It's okay to miss her. It's okay to miss him. It's okay to miss them. It's fine. It's fine. I don't want my ex to know that it bothers me. I don't. I want to be as cool about it as possible.

I want to be as nonchalant about it as possible. I don't want them to know that I'm curious. I'm just curious. Why? Why they decided that it was the guy that they told me not to worry about? Why them? I don't want them to know that. And I remember recently I was having a conversation with somebody who asked me if I could give them any kind of advice as to how to basically kick somebody out of your mind.

Someone that's living rent free. How do you let them go? Evict them for good. Because sometimes people will overstay. They're welcome in our mind and we don't want them to be there. And you just don't want to care about it anymore. But you want to know something? You will care.

You will care. You will care a lot. It's hard because, you know, everything in you, after you end up parting ways with somebody, makes you want to just boot him out the door. You don't want to look twice. and it's hard to get peace after a breakup because sometimes we don't get closure. Sometimes things were said at the end of a relationship that were really hurtful and came out of nowhere, or so it seemed. They were always there.

It's just they didn't have a reason to bring it up, you know. And so it's kind of a weird predicament that you find yourself in because you want to act nonchalant and be like, whatever I don't care about them oh my gosh you know he wasn't even good for me anyways you want to do that and that's totally within your right but the truth of the matter is like the more I think you give in

to this kind of like bashing of a person it's like you're just showing that you are you're letting them be there rent free you're not really accepting the fact that you had some ties you 100%

had some ties like we can't act like these relationships didn't mean anything to us because they did. Even the ones that we were wronged in, it's like, of course, they mattered. They mattered 100%. No matter what you want to think, no matter what you want to say, that relationship mattered. And maybe it doesn't matter in the sense of, you know, the respect that they had for you because let's say they had zero, but maybe it matters because it's going to be

one of the dots that you connect looking back at your life, where you actually learned that that was very important. That was like immensely important to you finding the person that you want to be with. But if you want my take on things, it's like you're going to care. You're going to care when somebody leaves your life.

You will. It's inevitable. And you should not feel guilty about it and you should not feel chained to the fact that, you know, it takes time. And you'll be curious. You naturally will be curious. Now, there's steps you can take to, like, actually give yourself space. And I think that, you know, saying that you don't even, you don't care about it and actually

giving the other person space for your sake, there are two different things. I think one of them is more performative. When you keep telling everyone, like, yeah, you know, I don't give a phrase. I don't give a sigma about that person. It's like, okay. Really? Yeah, you do. If they texted you like that hour,

you'd be like, oh my God, oh my God, we're going to go get coffee and catch up. Oh, my God. You know? And I'm saying that because that's me. You know, I would try to, I would try to turn a blind eye to it in hopes that they would want to reach back out

and like, you know, rekindle things. It's kind of that thing when you're like waiting for something to load on your, phone and you think that looking away from your phone is going to make it it's going to make it load quicker like it's not bro that's how it works although it loki does work because sometimes when i look away and i look back it's like oh it's a surprise you know it's it loaded my uh my 15 minute slime compilation has loaded that's great now i can eat in peace because my 15 minute police body cam footage video has loaded bro do y'all be watching those those are crazy

crazy. What world do we live in? Anyways, you will care. You will care. You will care a lot. When somebody is in your life and you are intimate with them and you are vulnerable to them, it is just what it is. You build a connection with them and the fallout of the relationship can leave you feeling some type of way. Well, you know, I feel some type of way. And that's, you know, I feel some type of way. That's cool. That's cool. You know, maybe you're upset. Maybe you really feel like the person disrespected every part of you. You tried to be open about your niche interests that you used to get bullied for and like they started making fun of you for it. Shocker. No, I'm kidding. It, you know, it happens. It happens. And, and you can't, you also can't deny the fact that, like,

y'all had something. You get me? You had something. And it's, it's important to make peace with that. It's important to, to realize that, like, yeah, we had something. And that thing is no longer there. And although I'm, I'm upset and I feel really bad about this, and I almost feel like, I kind of, I kind of went through some things here. And they don't seem to see it that way.

It's like, you can't just not care about that or about them. you will care. You will. But if you are tired of this going through your mind all the time, maybe you've kind of been obsessive about the situation ship that broke off with you, that, like, ghosted you after you told them your deepest secrets, and they said, yeah, I'm not going to judge you. And then they left.

It's like, you gave them an out and they took it. There are a lot of small things, I think, that really allow you to kind of have space and allow you to take a break, a much needed one at that. one of those is for example like I would always try to limit my social media presence with the other person you know you gotta hide your account sometimes you gotta let somebody else live their life

and you can't be spectating it if you don't want to root for them you know because I feel like spectating somebody's life builds a lot of resentment it makes you maybe see them in a new light because they're finally they're finally living for themselves right they're finally doing things that they like or maybe like they're they're being unfair and they're reposting things that are it's like you know a sneak dis about you that happens

too but I think the main thing is is you know don't be upset at yourself that you you take these things personally or that you need a little bit more space than maybe, say, a friend who's telling you, don't worry about it, girly. Like, who cares? No, you care. You will care. You know? It's okay.

It's fine. Yeah. Man. I don't know. I still find myself, you know, wondering sometimes about certain people. And it's not in a place of like, you know, oh, I want to like talk to them or anything because, you know, we're past that. But I'm just curious if they realize, if they realize that, you know, that they made some mistakes.

And I really hope that they're not going to make those mistakes again with somebody else. Because when they made them with me, it really hurt. It really hurt. And sometimes it feels unfair because it feels like I had to fix a lot of the mistakes that weren't even mine. like I like was just given a bunch of broken people, broken dynamics

and I had to I had to like take all of these different ingredients and cook them into something it's like now it's affecting me I have to deal with my own stuff I don't know how to deal with your self-sabotage

because like I don't know I deal with that but I think that also changes when you meet somebody who is who is aware of these things. And they care.

They care a lot. And they care that you know that they have these problems. Because that changes everything. It's, I think, different when somebody is just acting out and they have an underlying issue and you know they're flawed. And that's okay.

You know, no one needs to be perfect. But you know that the way they are treating you is not something that you have earned it's like you didn't earn the disrespect it's it's not that they are treating you the way that they know how and it's appalling sometimes that people can treat a partner a friend a family member in the way that they do with just blatant disregard disrespect it's appalling and that you just wish you could see eye to eye and you can't and you can't and um how how do you explain to somebody that they're the

root of their suffering. Like you can't. If somebody is deep in it, you can't do it. You can't. And that's why I think after a breakup, you know, you really look back and realize like who you were

in that time and and what parts of you were being muted, you know? It's kind of surreal. I think you can also solo out certain parts of you in retrospect and be like, dang, I was,

how was I? letting this slide the entire time. Because another thing I used to do is I used to just like shut it down. You know, I would know that I was being disrespected and I would think that if I spoke out against it, it would compromise my masculinity or my leverage in a relationship, which is a bad way to think. And I acknowledge that now. And, you know, I cared. I really cared.

But I think I cared because I wanted to keep the relationship alive. I didn't really care about my mental well-being. Huh. And even if you're in a toxic thing, man, you will care. You will care. The small things will add up over time. They will always continue to build over time. I got off the phone yesterday with a friend who I had been disrespecting.

And he told me every part, every time he was. Like you did, you told me, you promised me that you were going to call me, bro, and you didn't call me. Why didn't you? Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo.

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Steep. Flip. Or that. And enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. So I think the moral of it all is that no matter what, if you are in a relationship, if you are not, if you had just broken up with somebody, if you had something to do with that person, you will care.

Oh, you will care. And it's okay to care. Even if they did you so wrong and they made you feel so inadequate and they did so inadequate and they did so many bad things to you you could you could make a spreadsheet in excel and like multiply and divide everything and find out what percentage of the time you were being you know disrespected which is probably 98.2 percent right and the rest was neutral you will care you'll still care about them and maybe you're you're caring not for them but more for the person they were at that time

or the person that you thought they were at that time, the idealized version of them. Maybe you're caring for the part of you that maybe you lost in that relationship. Maybe you're caring for a moment where you didn't feel alone in your life.

There's so many things to care about. But don't gaslight yourself into believing that no, no, I can't feel these emotions. Yeah, you can. Bro, you miss her. I should text I don't know if you should text her because it's not going to work, bro.

It's the guy she told you not to worry about, I promise you. No, but like, it's okay to miss her. It's okay to miss him. It's okay to miss them. It's fine. It's fine. And two things can be true. They could have disrespected you.

They could have been a complete jerk. They could have put themselves first in every situation. they never took you in a consideration, but you miss them. I've let go of so much resentment in my life. It feels freeing. It feels freeing. Because, you know, the things that I've gone through and the relationships I've had in the past, like, it's a part of me, you know?

I got the scars from them, you know what I'm saying? I've done my tours, you know? But I don't hold resentment towards any of it. I understand the place of it. I understand that I still, I care. But I care more for the lessons and what I learned than the people, you know? I care more about the lessons that I had to learn just myself, even though people were telling me up front. This is what's going to happen.

And I was like, no, no, dude. Like, they're in love with me. Do you not understand that? like, yeah, I know that they went on break with their boyfriend, but I'm gonna win. I'm next in line. Brough, you used to call me on the cell phone. Late night when you need my love. That's all I was. I was a hotline bling. That's it. On some 2016, I was a hotline bling. Because I know in that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing. Ever since I had let the city, you started caring. And you will care. you will care tenfold tenfold maybe you're getting to a point right now where you feel as if the

the dirty fuel after the breakup is kind of coming to a close or maybe you had a falling out with like a friend a business partner a family member and you've been grieving it and now you you are like okay I'm done feeling sad I don't want to feel sad anymore okay that's great that's beautiful I'm very happy for you because there are a lot of emotions that you should experience and you know sadness is one of them of course you have to experience it but i think the next step is realizing that like you'll you'll always care you cannot expect yourself to just be like i am legend robot no you know you can't what was that robot's name sunny right you can't be sunny like bro it's fine feel those emotions admit to yourself that yeah i

I miss them, but you do not miss how you were treated. You do not miss the fact that they're not good for you, plain and simple, and that your life is way better off without them. Real talk. This episode is brought to you by FedEx. These days, the power move isn't having a big metallic credit card to drop on the check at a corporate launch. The real power move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence,

and accessing one of the biggest data network, powered by one of the biggest delivery networks. Level up your business with FedEx, the new power move. But I think that at the root of everything, it's like we're becoming so scared to commit because we don't want to make a mistake. And because we have been told that every kind of mistake is bad, you will be sought after for any kind of mistake you make.

And listen, like, are there consequences for mistakes that you make? Of course. there are. But like, get heartbroken, bro. Go, go and, and do it. Do it. Do it because it's meaningful, not because someone's telling you to do it and telling you that that is the Sigma thing to do. No, just do it because you like her and you think that she's quirky and fun and you two made Spotify playlists for each other. Do it because of that. And she makes you feel. something and she doesn't make you feel like you're anxious and your stomach is flipping no they make you feel like you matter in this world do it for that

because what's the point of cutting all of the emotions out to preserve yourself heartbreak these kind of emotions these kind of mistakes that is what makes you feel alive and if you keep if you just keep suppressing that and not allowing yourself to live what's the point of all of it I'm not saying you should chase love I'm not saying you should chase partners I'm not saying you should chase friends what I'm saying is don't be afraid of heartbreak don't be afraid of these things just because you see people go through the trenches and some people really really go through a lot in their life but people also use these same kind of emotions and these same kind of pivotal parts of their

life to make beautiful things for the rest of humanity, to build themselves a life that is so beautiful and lived in. All of your favorite artists made some of their best music to heartbreak, to feeling inadequate, to feeling less than. And you're depriving yourself from feeling things because you want to seem like you don't care, but you will care. You will care. You will. care. You're going to care when they look at you in class and you make eye contact and then you look away really quickly. You're going to care when they ask for your name and you give them your name and you give them your number and you guys go to that parking garage, you know, that's in your town and you share some boba or something, you know, I don't know. You're going to care

when you all go to the, go to a concert for an artist that both of you really like. You will care when they ask you to be their girlfriend. You'll care when they say yes, when you, when you you say, can I be your boyfriend? Like, you will care when maybe you realize that wasn't the right person for you. And actually, you're better off alone. And you will care when you see a photo of them living their life the way that they want. And that is okay. That is okay. Don't deprive yourself of that Zerki show. Just don't. You are missing out on so many emotions that will teach you about who you truly are. Did you know that the Zirky Show is everywhere you...

Jeez, my goodness. Oh, what the? Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours.

We have beautiful communities all over the interweb. So if you want to tap in, tap in. Jeez, this wind is crazy. We just got a letter from the Zerky Show. We are looking for people to be featured in a... brand new show for the Zirky Show called Mail Time with Zirky. If you want to send something on your own volition for a chance to be featured in it, this is the address.

I cannot wait to see what your beautiful mind comes up with. It's a question, a drawing, whatever you want. Tap in. Yeah. Tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. I am sending you lots of sunshine from sunny Miami, Florida right now, a.k.a. Vice City.

GTA 6 confirmed. Other than that, Zerky Show, try something new. Do something for yourself today. Even a small thing. get coffee, draw something on that notebook, I don't know, make that, you know, little S that you used to make in middle school. When was the last time you drew that? And just know, I believe in you, if there's something that you want to do, go out and do it and just try it. Worst case, you'll learn from your mistakes. Other than that, I am also sending you lots of love and

peace.