the zurkie show - how it feels to be fat

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

I'm proud of myself for taking off my shirt for this video.I hope it didn't make anyone go blind...If I inspired anybody to start looking after themselves or make some kind of change in their lives, all I ask is that you do it with the right intention. Because if you don't, you will again lose yourself, just like me.I really love you guys and hope you're doing well.Sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

This is what it looks like to glow down. This is what it looks like to treat your body with disrespect for a full year. And now you're finally realizing, man, I have subscribed to the Chud lifestyle, which is so funny. I think that word also is being misused to just mean like someone who's fat and likes to eat fast food every day. I think it has a completely different meaning. So look it up before you use it. Funny enough, I just used it and whatever. But no, I am like really, really embarrassed to be making this kind of video.

But I know that this is the most real thing I can talk about at this moment because it is the only thing that's been on my mind for the past half a year. What does it mean to be fat? We have had such a discourse in society over the past, I don't know, probably five, ten years about being fat. and what does it mean to love your body, appreciate your body, what does it mean to care for it? Should you go out of your way to make sure that you are in the best shape, even if it means not eating meals and not feeding yourself the proper nutrients that you need, should you completely go the opposite way and not worry about what you eat?

Because at the end of the day, you're going to be six feet under. Well, I think that what we've lost is the idea that it depends. It all depends, man. and what I can speak on is my experience, and that's what I'm going to do today, and I'm going to tell you what's going to happen in the next year. So first of all, why did I get here? Like, why am I sitting with extra weight on my body? I didn't used to look like this. This is what I used to look like probably, I don't know, eight, ten years ago.

Very, very different. I was very, very skinny. Actually, a little bit too skinny. I remember I had one game in high school. I was playing varsity soccer. I got called up as a sophomore because I was running super, super fast in pre-training. And they're like, this guy's going to be good to give some of the other guys a break. And because of this, I had my first ever experience where I was like trying to muscle the guy next to me while we were playing this like exhibition game that meant nothing.

I'm trying to muscle this guy that's next to me. And he was a senior. He was a big guy, big stock. guy. And I remember as I was bumping into him, he like stopped, looked at me, grabbed me, and just threw me into the net on a corner kick. It was the most insane physical feet that I ever experienced. And I was just like, what in the world is going on? I need to hit the weight room, classic weight room thing. And so throughout my teenage years and throughout my young adult years, kind of leading into college, I was very good with keeping a consistent routine

going to the gym. And the main reason behind that was, one, One, I wanted to be strong for soccer, but the real reason was I wanted to have a girlfriend. And everyone knows, as you're growing up, that getting a girlfriend is about looks, at least when you're younger, you believe that. And so you do everything you can to make sure that your body is in good shape. It also didn't help that throughout my childhood, I was pudgy. I had a little bit of extra weight on me. I wasn't lean.

I wasn't, you know, I didn't have a six-pack at age 14, so I wasn't Snapchatting girls' pictures of my six-pack, which is crazy. that this is even a thing, but that is the reality of life. At least that was for a lot of us that had no internet guidelines or understanding. But anyways, going back to like being big, right? My reasoning for losing a bunch of weight and getting into shape was always dependent on other people and how other people would view me and how I would come across to other people. And I was so, so lucky enough that about a year ago, I fell in love with somebody. Actually, a year and a half ago, a little bit going on two years, fell in love with someone,

and they accepted me for who I was. And this pressure of keeping up a certain kind of body image, keeping up a certain kind of weight, making sure that I was in good shape, I mean, I'm just going to be completely honest, it completely went away. Because I had this baked into my mind that like I needed to be skinny, fit, and, you know, and muscular in order to attract anybody. And this person proved that that wasn't what they liked about me. They liked my brain. They liked how I made them laugh. They liked the fact that I acted in certain ways and that I was my own man. And I just let myself go. I let myself go. Big thing for me was when I realized that I had this consistent love from somebody else, I kind of felt like I didn't really need to keep up with myself that much.

I used to go to the gym at least, you know, three, four times a week. And then, you know, I would go with my roommate. We had this really, really good routine. And then I just started going like, well, you know, I'm going to work instead. When I wasn't really working, I was probably calling my girlfriend and talking to her. And also, this level of indulgence kind of became an issue because, you know, when you are in a relationship with somebody, oftentimes you guys want to go out. You guys want to go on dates. You guys want to experience things together. And in my life, like a big thing has been the fact that like, I didn't really get to eat out a lot when I was younger. It was always a special thing. And I, I mean, the dopamine that hits my brain when somebody prepares me food and I get to eat it is immense.

It's immense for me. And for a lot of, you know, us, it kind of is that as well, I can imagine, especially now when it's so easy. It's so easy to get. and so obviously you know i want to take my girlfriend out on dates i want to go and do and experience things and having this kind of framework that like this is special because going out to eat is a special thing i would i wanted to try everything i wanted to order an appetizer a main course and a dessert i wanted to do that and go to two different restaurants in one day if i had the funds why not you know why not do it and there comes a certain point where you start to slowly over time, make these little by little by little changes that then lead to a snowball in your life. And you don't even realize it. This is kind of the thing. People talk about how you can, you know,

ruin your physique in a matter of months. I mean, yeah, it's true. But again, it's a matter of months. And if you aren't being perceptive about this, if you are not being like, wait a minute, I've been eating out like every single day this week or you know I am eating out but I'm not even taking care of my body I'm not even like going on walks I stopped walking I used to walk all the time I used to go on at least one walk a day I wasn't hitting 10,000 steps but I was I was keeping up the pace you know I was mushing up the pace um I stopped I I you know I used to go even on walks talking to my girlfriend uh in my headphones and I just decided okay I'm uh you know laying in bed is more comfortable watching a is more comfortable. And again, over time, the idea of doing these things for myself

just kind of got swept under the rug. And now I'm sitting at 235 pounds, 6-2. No, I'm kidding. Five, five, nine. Let's, let's, you know, with height boosters, five alone. You see that? You know how people like Tipto Max? Like they got a, dude, what is this world coming to? It's amazing. No, I really am like, not ashamed of it, but I am realizing what the problem is. The problem in my life has been the fact that I never did it for myself. I never lost weight because I wanted to do it. And I always thought about it in that way of losing weight.

I need to lose weight. When in reality, my lifestyle is trash. my sleep schedule is trash my understanding of like what matters to me eating healthy whole foods cooking for myself is not something that i prioritize and this is an example this is the receipt of that and i kind of want to like also touch on this this this factor that like i don't think that you need to look a certain way in order to be truly, truly, truly comfortable with yourself, right? But does that mean you're healthy? Because right now, I'm not healthy. Am I comfortable with myself? No, I'm finally at that point where I'm like, no, but I've met people where they are,

they're not healthy, but they're comfortable with themselves, right? And I think that at the end of the day it's your decision. I don't think that we should force anybody to get into shape because it doesn't work. When you force people and you tell people, you know, you're fat and you just gog on them, there's honestly two types of people. And I think the latter use that as motivation not to actually get into shape, but to like keep enabling bad habits because you're making them feel bad. I honestly think that the best kind of change and the one that will last the longest is something intrinsically that makes you go, wait a minute, dude, I am like 25. I still can, like, get into good shape if I want to. I need to focus on something. I need to push and I need to, like,

genuinely give this a good shot. I need to learn about cooking. I need to learn how to, like, take care of my body because I get one. I get one in this lifetime. And instead of taking care of it and enriching it and giving it all that it needs, I am just depriving it of everything, right? So it's this weird, like, six, seven balance. No, that was trash. It's this weird balance that you as an adult have to learn. And for me, like, the stuff that's really been icking me recently has been the fact that, like, old t-shirts I used to wear and I used to look good in, I have the droopy boobs. I have the gut that's hanging out. And the reason I'm not wearing a shirt in today's video is because I want to,

push against this notion that like, oh, you know, my body is disgusting. I hate it. I used to hate taking off my shirt when I would go to the beach. I used to think that I was just so disgusting and lardful. And now I'm, you know, I'm realizing I need to, I need to champion this. If I want to change this, I have to like be okay with the fact that this is me now. This is me now, man. Yeah, I am this size. Yeah, I have a gut. I have like, you know, we call this in Polish a ponka, but it's basically like, I have like a tire, you know. And so what? And so what? What am I going to do to change that? You know, what are you going to do to change that? If you are looking in the mirror right now and you're uncomfortable with yourself and with your body, right? Is it really your body

is it how you feel is it your your lifestyle because yes you know my body i i it looks a certain way that i don't necessarily like it doesn't fit a certain fitness standard that's probably created by my feed in my mind of what a healthy person looks like but are my actions healthy you know am i sleeping enough am i actually making it a priority to go to the gym not just telling myself that i'm going to do it and going twice in a week and then being like oh bro yo i got plans, bro. I'm going to make some plans with the boys. I'm going to game. Like, that's not prioritizing it. Prioritizing it means it's a sacrifice, okay? And you have to carve the time out, like on a rock, like a piece of stone. I'm looking for a rock and I don't

have one. On a piece of stone, you have to carve it out and be like, this is my time where I'm going to the gym. Because this matters to me, because this is important. It's difficult. It's not easy. For a year, I went through my life not worrying about it. For a year, I was just like, whatever. I don't care. Because I was so, I didn't care. I honestly didn't care. I didn't care that I was getting bigger. I knew it was happening. I knew that it was inching. But I was like, oh, whatever, you know, I'll get in shape eventually. But the thing about it is, if you don't catch yourself now, it will continue to snowball into the future. And this is like a, a, a, a general life thing that I've learned as well, man.

The receipts of your life are all of the actions that you took on the micro level, on the day to day. That is what you see in the end result, hand over fist. Yes, people get lucky, and yes, you know, what is it called, that one drug that, sorry, drug. No, the GLP, right? People take GLP, okay, and then become, you know,

they have the eyes, like the osophers. like the ozempic eyes it happens but it still doesn't mean that they're healthy okay frankly put it does not mean that they're healthy so be careful about that dude there is no quick rich scheme to building long lasting health and in a day and age this is kind of where it's all coming to zirky show it's like in a day and age where bro we we get robbed of everything we get robbed of everything we get robbed of our money get robbed of our time we get robbed of our attention robbed of finding a partner, robbed of,

like everything is hijacked. Health is one thing that at least you have some kind of control over. At least, yes, you know, you have to, you have to be so, so persistent about,

like, looking into what you're eating, what is in that food. You know, I like to eat out, but some of the ingredients that are used in the cooking of eating out, dude, they're not good.

It's like low-key poison. I'm just saying, right? It's not good for your body. So figuring out what that looks like for you, in my opinion, at least in this phase of my life, is like really, really important. And in the meantime, you've got to be comfortable with where you're at. You know, the one consistent thing in life that we have is change. We know that things are going to change.

And if you are doing the same actions over and over and over again, well, things probably will not change. If it's the same trajectory, you're going to go down that same path. And so for me, the change looks like in my day to day, making the sacrifice of going to sleep a little bit early. That's really the worst habit here. That impedes on everything else. And it's going to be a sacrifice. It's going to mean that I'm going to, you know,

if somebody has plans at a later time, I can't do it. I'm sorry, I can't because I make the sacrifice. And it's easier said than done. I am starting off on this journey. I'm super excited. And I don't know what it's going to look like. But I know that there's somebody out. there that is thinking about putting some time into the gym, starting to go running again,

you know, all of these things. And I, I just want you to know that, like, it's worth it. It's worth your health. It really is. I started to notice as well in my, like, body and in my mind, when I stopped working out, it became very, very easy for me to become overwhelmed with emotions and overwhelmed with anger. This became like hand, hand over fist. to very, very, very, very persistent in my life. Because I used to have a good outlet. I used to be able to, you know, throw 45 on the bar and go to town. But when I stopped doing that and I stopped making that time, that anger had nowhere to go.

That ability to just push something, move some kind of weight and forget was just gone. I had nothing to replace it. And so, well, I say I had nothing to replace it, but I did actually have something to replace it. The bad habits are to replace it. So like my binge eating, my use of like adult material, all of these things became so much more potent because I didn't have something healthy that I was able to put my time into. And I think part of it too is because in the past I've tried to lose weight, right? and I have done it. But when I was doing that,

the reason in which I was going after those things and I was interested in doing those things, it was never self-serving. It was always, I need to stay in shape because of soccer. And it wasn't that I really wanted to play soccer. It was just like, I needed to do it because this is kind of like my job. Or I need to stay in shape so that I can go to the pool

and be able to take my shirt off so my crush sees me. And it's awesome. but it was never like I want to just be healthy. I want to partake in certain activities because they're good for me. They're good for me mentally. Just wasn't that case. There's so much to talk about on this topic. I feel like I'm kind of sometimes making a disservice by just focusing on one thing here.

But these are just my unfiltered thoughts, as every episode really is. But I think this is our sign to get in shape. So I'm going to take it as such. Don't feel too bad for yourself. Okay, you are going to glow down in life. You will have a period where you're going to not look good, not look your best. I'm at it right now, but I'm still going to smile. I'm still going to go through each day, and I'm just going to focus on the next 30 days.

Can I stay consistent? Can I eat better? Can I make better decisions? If I can do that, I know it's going to snowball later on, and I will be chilling. Yeah, yeah. I just want to rollie, rolly, roll. Yeah, dude, we're going to be. We're going to be chilling.

Zirky Show, I miss you so much. I love you so much. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. I hope you've enjoyed this unfiltered access into my body, which is awesome. But hey, it's my body my choice. I'm making it. So here you. No, no.

I appreciate every single one of you. As always, some really, really cool stuff is coming up shortly. I had to take a little bit of a break. I'm always on a break, but now I'm back. I'm back. So, as always, if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you and I'm sending you all lots of love. And peace!