the zurkie show - how long will you let them hurt you?

Episode Date: February 28, 2025

I used to love toxicity. I loved when I didn't get a text back because I was being ignored or punished. I loved hearing my partner beg me to stay. isn't love supposed to be something you can feel? or is that just something we tell ourselves to cope with our bad choices...all of that chasing led me to a path of self destruction, until I found myself at ground zero. if this is your ground zero, I ask you to keep an open mind.you deserve better, you deserve to be you, you can change.love you, peaaaaaaaaaace!!!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

When you are in a toxic situation, relationship, whatever, friendship, it's kind of like you are fighting for somebody's attention. You are fighting for somebody to like you back. And it's a high that you just, you have to experience it to understand it. I remember when I had told a friend of mine that I was going to entertain the situation ship. And he's like, why are you doing this? Like this is bad. You know this is bad.

You went through a home wrecking situation ship before, and now you're just going back to it. And I kind of, like, reflected on that. And I was like, well, I just want to have fun. And he was like, you're going to have fun, and then you're going to complain to me again, because that's always how it goes. And I was dumbfounded. Like, I really didn't know what to say. And I remember he was kind of wrapping up the topic with me.

And he asked me, you know, Zerki, I just want you. to ask yourself next time you're going to end up in the situation where you are upset, you knew it was a bad idea, and you did it. Is that enough? And I was like, well, if it means, you know, having a shoddy, I don't think it's enough. We got to keep going. Or do we? Because after that, I had to stop dating.

dating for a while. I had to stop being intimate for a while because a lot of the things that I experienced in that were, they weren't okay and I felt hurt. And that, that conversation with my friend really, really hit me. Is that enough? Is this my sign to change? I had no choice. I had to. I was just a, I was, I was, I was afraid of going back to that. It wasn't even I was afraid. I was just done. I was done with going into something and entertaining something that just had no structure

to it and I knew that I was being used and we were both using each other. I just didn't, I had such a visceral feeling after that whole thing had ended with this person that I just was like, I never want to do that again. there's no part of me that wants to do that again. Now, have I gone back to that in a certain sense? Yes, I think so. I've had other situations where similar things in that situation ship were mimicked, right? But the good thing was I knew to catch them sooner because I was like, that was enough.

I know how I should be treated. I don't want to be treated like that again. And it was on me. It was me who had to hold myself accountable. in order to make sure that that didn't repeat. And I think we need to ask ourselves this question because there is a romance to getting hurt. There is this kind of struggle that you like to go through

that like, I'm in so much pain, but I love this person when really you're just lusting over them. There is that. I'm not going to sit here and act like it's not one of the craziest feelings in the world. When you are in a toxic situation, relationship, whatever, friendship, it's kind of like you are fighting for somebody's attention, you are fighting for somebody to like you back, and it's a high that you just, you have to experience it to understand it. And once you do, you realize that it's just the after effect, the post-relations

realizations you have are bad. They're really, they're rough, they're really rough because you give up so much of yourself to try to make someone realize that you're special. It's not off the bat. It's, it's like a, I have to earn their trust. I have to earn everything. And, at some point, I was just like, I've had enough of that. I've had enough of that. I don't want to have to keep proving that I am a good person in a relationship. I want someone to already like that in me and see that in me. I can't be sitting here and trying to convince the other person that I'm worthy. I can't do that.

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View. And enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. And since then, I've found so much solace and just returning that energy that I was just throwing out, trying to find somebody, just putting it on myself. I was like returning the spotlight on myself and being like, well, let me just try for me. Let me just show up for me. Let me like low-key date myself.

That's so corny, but it's, you know, it's true. It's so true. I feel like we try to seek out things in other people because they're missing in ourselves. And there's a good chance, you know, you're hearing this and you're thinking, dang, like, yeah, I loki have been doing that. I have been looking for comfort in other people and validation other people because I can't validate myself or I don't feel like I have the tools necessarily. to build myself up. I think a lot of people get into these kind of patterns of cycling through partners or cycling through friendships and, you know, different dynamics because they're just,

they're just trying to find a reason to believe they're a good person and they're worthy of something. And everyone's worthy of something. Everyone's worthy of love. Everyone's worthy of respect. everyone's worthy of being seen as an equal as somebody that you can appreciate. But that only happens if you do that yourself, if you view yourself that way, because if you don't, you won't get it from the people that you're seeking it from.

Even if you do find somebody who appreciates you for you, you might not be able to reciprocate that kind of feeling and you won't have a special connection and a special bond. it is such a weird thing and at one point you have to realize like how many mistakes how many partners that were the worst can you go through until you realize yo i got to put some accountability on myself and i got to realize that low key i'm picking these people low key i'm putting myself in certain situations that are not good for me we like to put so much blame into the ether of the experience that is being young and trying to find somebody, right? And oftentimes we like to, you know,

shift the blame on something else. It's like stepping into a nether portal and being like, I got blown up by a gassed. What? There's a zombie pigment that's going after me. You stepped into the portal. What did you think was going to happen?

You didn't even take the time to get the, right tools. You didn't even get diamond armor. You don't have a diamond sword. You don't have a bow and arrow to defeat the gas. And you're confused and angry when something happens. I mean, is that enough? Maybe it's not. Maybe you're not ready for that kind of realization. And that's okay. That's fine. But what's not fine is knowing there's a problem. knowing that there's a solution to it and avoiding it and complaining about it. Listen, if you want to avoid it, you don't want to change your ways, there's a certain kind of high you get, right?

Certain kind of rush you get from being thrown around and things not working out. That's great. That's fine. but if you hear that and you're like, I don't want that to be me. Like, I've had enough and I do want something better for myself, then you need to catch it. You do. You need to face it like it's any other problem.

You have to treat it like it would be your friend coming to you and being like, hey, I have this problem. I need a solution on it. You have to treat it like it would be one of your best friends coming to you and being like, hey, I'm having this problem. I keep liking people, but the people that I like don't like me back. And they're always using me for something. Okay, well, why are you liking these people?

You know, that's what you would tell them. Or you'd be like, you're so much, you're so much better than that. Gurley, let me tell you. He doesn't deserve you. Okay, you wouldn't tell yourself the same thing, though. And I think that's the disconnect. That's the problem. You have to know when it's enough.

And it's like, we're done. We're done with this. One day you're negotiating with suppliers. The next, you're installing a shelf in the back room. Running a business means moving in many directions all the time. TD's new small business banking accounts are built for how your business moves. It's how we're making banking more human. And I think we're leading ourselves into some really dangerous areas

where people that are hurt are romanticizing the fact that they are hurt and they are hurting other people. And there will be people that they won't change. They will continue to hurt other people. Yes, absolutely. But I just don't want you to feel like that needs to be you too. Because I took a stand. I decided I don't care what people are telling me,

oh, it's your 20s. Live it up. Dude, forget about all that, bro. Like, you've got to find as many people as you can. You've got to, like, you know, hang out with as many people as you can. You've got to get with as many people as you can. You got to get with as many people as you can. I don't want to do that. I don't.

It's not a feeling that is deep in me that makes me go, yeah, that sounds cool. Maybe to you it does, and that's great. Go do it. That's awesome. But if it's not and you are being forced to do something because you think that is what you need to do and you keep getting hurt by it, ding, ding, ding, don't do it.

Don't do it. But I also get why you would because there is pressure. There is peer pressure. There are your friends who have a different perspective than you and are telling you you're going to miss out on the college experience. This is the time. And maybe that's what they want to do. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that.

But is that what you want? No, I want a stable relationship. Great. then that's what you gotta get you know what i don't want that honestly i just want to be alone right now i want to hang out with myself and not feel pressured like i need to be with someone all the time cool do that i think there's also this big push for excess we need more oh i like that i need more of it i i low-key still have this problem but i have have like an issue with clothing. I get emotionally attached to clothing. I just like certain designs,

certain pieces of clothing, certain football jerseys. They mean so much to me because of the person that gave it to me, the place I was in when I received it, the thrift store that I found it in. And it's, it's almost as if like, because I have so much, I can't appreciate, I can't appreciate any of it. Is that enough? Like, how many more pieces do I need until I'm like, oh, I'm satisfied? And the truth is, like, if I can't appreciate what I have right now, I will never be able to appreciate different things. And if I cannot learn to let go of certain things, right, in my closet, I won't be able to accept new things that might be better. They might be worse. I might buy something. I know, like, you've probably gone to a thrift store and you're

you saw something, you're like, oh my gosh, this is so cool. I'm going to buy this. You go home and it's five sizes too big, and your mom and dad are looking at you like you're crazy, or you look like a backyard again, you know. I used to dress like a backyard again. Bro, I swear, like baggy, you know, oversized fit, like just the scrappiest stuff I could find. You know, hey, it was sick. I liked it.

But it's the same thing with, like, emotions and experiences and self-respect. same thing if you're not willing to let go of certain patterns that are in your life if you're not willing to let go of certain perspectives that you've carved certain presumptions about people you're not going to be able to make space for new ones for ones that are way better for ones that are going to serve you more than the ones right now because think about it look look at your your way of thinking Look at how you feel about things that happen in your life. Do you feel good about them? Are you at peace with them, genuinely?

Because I'm still working on that. There are certain things that go on in my life that I'm just like, ah! Like, I just can't seem to get a grasp on them. Of course. But I've let go of certain patterns because I want to welcome other ones. I had to donate the bad clothes to the goodwill, to the Salvation Army, to the savers, so I can go and get myself one piece that I really like that I know I'm going to use.

So I can develop a good habit, so I can develop a good appreciation for myself so that when times get tough, I'm not trying to grab at straws. I know who I am, and I know I'm going to be okay. I think everyone does need to have a moment in their life that brings them to kind of a rock bottom. Maybe that's an unpopular opinion, but I do think that there has to be a moment where you feel like I want to change, where you ask yourself, is that enough? Is that enough suffering? Is that enough pain? And your answer isn't, oh, I mean, yeah, but.

I want to keep. No, no, no, no, no. Your answer is, yes, I'm done. That was terrible. I'm done. I want to change. Because it's easy to kind of be like, oh, I, you know, oh yeah, it would be a good thing if I didn't self-sabotage myself in a relationship or I didn't overshare. But it isn't until you lose something that you valued tremendously or you have somebody go against you or I don't know, maybe you have just a sudden shift in your perspective. Maybe somebody says something that makes you realize, this person does not care. They don't.

I've told them, you're being super cold to me. Like, I need affection. And they're like, yeah, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I guess I don't know. What do you mean? Yeah, I guess I don't know. I need this.

Yeah, cool. I don't know about you. That's enough for me. That was a sign. I got to change. I got to change. And I got to stop, I got to stop being so quick to get into things.

I got to stop idealizing people. Oh my gosh, man. That's a whole, it's a whole can of worms. But we are so good at trying to make a person we're interested in seem like a shiny object. They seem like the World Cup and you want to be messy and kiss it and be like, when in reality,

You don't know them. You do not know a single thing about them. You are assuming everything about them. I remember the moment that made me change was when I visited my grandfather in Poland. He was in really poor health. And it was kind of, it was wraps. He was a shell of a human being. And it was really, really hard for me to see that.

And I remember one night I went upstairs to the room I was staying in. and I ordered two extra large pizzas just for me, proceeded to eat both of them, watch all of Squid Game in one sitting. I remember I went to the bathroom, and I looked at myself, and I was just like, everything is out of whack, and I'm treating my mind,

I'm treating my body and myself as if I'm disposable, and I don't matter. not to mention i mean i was trying to cope with all the stress by you know tapping into certain media it's not safe for work let's put it that way and that was also weighing heavy on my conscious and that moment when i when i locked eyes with myself in the mirror it was the first time that i really saw

what i was doing to myself i really saw like oh wow like i'm i'm actually destroying myself. I'm actually letting a lot of these things I can't control control me, completely. And instead of working with them and doing everything that I can, I'm just, well,

it's over. I don't really care anymore. And I felt upset at myself. I did. I really did. But I also, I kind of felt like I saw myself for the first time. I saw who I was at that moment. I wasn't like holding some kind of expectation and being upset that I wasn't at that expectation.

I'm like, wait a minute, this is me. This is me. This is the point that I'm at. And I had been hurt a few times in relationships. I had tapped out. My self-image was destroyed in my mind of who I was once. And that's when I asked myself the question. I was like, is that enough?

Have I had enough? You know, it's, this is sucked. I don't want whatever this is anymore. And I kind of nodded at myself. I'm like, yeah, this is enough. I think I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I think I'm done thinking that I'm trapped in this prison of comparison and self-doubt. I think I'm ready to change.

Was it easy? Hell no! No, it's never easy. But am I proud of myself? And when I look back at that moment, do I smile? Dude. Yes. Yes, I do.

Yes, I do. Maybe this is your moment. Maybe today you're going to think about certain things and you're going to realize I've been leading myself down such a destructive path and I'm proud of you for realizing that because not a lot of people do and the beauty in realizing that is you you have so much possibility

to move in the way that you now want to to figure out how you're going to define yourself how you're going to build yourself up because you've come to terms with it okay yeah I got a little bit of a problem here yeah I don't have all the self-validation that I need great but you now have opportunity to build that up, to find things that will build the evidence that you can believe in

yourself. And that is such a special thing. And if you start that journey, one day you will look back at that moment and be so proud of yourself. You will be so proud of yourself, Zerky Show. But first, you got to ask, is that enough? Because low-key, nobody be asking this. This is like, you know, the elephant in the room. Because I swear, some people like, they just don't get They can't get enough of the toxicity. And hey, I'm not one to judge, but at least me and maybe you, I can't do too much of that. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? You can watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it.

The choice is yours. Choose wisely. But just know, the Zerky Show is here to stay every day, and that will not change. I have a notification. If you want to be featured on the first episode of MailTime with Zerkey, Zirky, this is the way to address your letter or anything you want to send a sketch of something cool. I am looking for anything, obviously, on your own volition, for the chance to be featured in a new series that I'm doing. I hope you can tap in.

I would love to see what your creative mind can come up with. Do the things that bring you joy. And also, if you're trying something new, know that I believe in you. Hang out with people that challenge your perspective, that have different opinions. Those are the conversations that will broaden your. perspective and make you think differently about the world around you you'll notice so many new things by seeing and hearing so many new things from others other than that know that I believe in you I love you I trust you and Zirky Show I am sending you lots of love and

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