the zurkie show - how to make friends if you feel lonely

Episode Date: May 31, 2025

making friends all starts from you.you have to make the first move. that can be putting yourself in a new situation, such as going to a club meeting or going up to a stranger. the quicker you get out of your comfort zone, the sooner you'll meet the right people for you.one decision to say hello could get you your best friend. be open and most importantly, be patient. these things take time.https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

I used to complain about being lonely a lot. It was a very comfortable thing to talk about because I felt as if nobody wanted to reach out to me. Nobody wanted to put in that effort to get to know me. I found it to be especially challenging when I was in a new university. I had just moved across the country. I knew not a single soul. And part of me did that because I wanted a challenge

and I didn't want it to be easy. I wanted to test if I knew how to actually make it. friends that weren't just, you know, gifted to me from birth. I had the same friends for 18 years of my life. I quickly realized that friendship is not a simple thing. And actually, it takes a lot of initiation. It takes a lot of vulnerability and it takes a lot of just asking, what's the move? What's the move from? We all want friends.

We all want friends. We all want to feel like we belong to a group of people. We all feel as if we are entitled to having people that understand us, that feel for us, that are just there to support us and have a good time. But a lot of us don't have that. A lot of us don't have that, especially when we go into adulthood. we start to lose contact with people. You know, you go from talking to your best friend from childhood every single day at school

and then outside of school to maybe once a month. It is pretty odd. And distance tests friendships. It does. When I decided to make my move to go to college at UGA, I was shocked at how hard it was to actually build lasting friendships, especially from scratch. How do you do that?

there are a few things I've learned. I want to share them with you. The first thing is patience. The amount of patience you have to have towards people is unreal, especially now. And, you know, initiation asking what's the move is one thing. It's cool to be like, yo, we should hang out. What's the move? It's a completely other thing to actually stay patient and wait.

for somebody to reply to you and to tell you, yo, I'm free, yo, I'm good. I learned to have a lot of patience and that people were a little bit more closed off than I thought that they were going to be. In general, I learned that you have to be persistent too. You look, you need to be annoying. I'm just being so honest. some of the best friendships are actually not the ones that you are creating. It's the one that will be the result of the one that you created. Breaking into a new place, into a scene, whatever it be, your job, your university.

At first, it's very hard. It's very daunting. But it becomes easier. It does. And maybe you have to ask yourself, like, what's your move? what's the move for you? Because maybe you actually need to take a step back and readjust where your energy is going. Like, maybe you're trying to make friends with the wrong people and they're just not interested in you.

And one thing I've also found is, you know, you can be cordial and kind to a lot of people. But you know what? If somebody does not want to be in your life, you cannot force them being in your life. No matter how cool they are, no matter how many doors they open. If y'all don't vibe, it's just not meant to be. And I hear a lot of stuff about, no, no, you just have to be uber persistent. You have to be Uber, you know, I'm going to reach out to them and I'm going to tell them happy birthday all the time.

But if somebody's not willing to reciprocate that energy, I'm sorry, it's doomed from the get-go. No guy co-get-go. It's just not going to happen. There were a lot of people in my life I wanted to be friends with so badly. They had something I wanted. They were in a position of power. They seemed super, super chill. But they just didn't give a stigma.

me they didn't care they didn't want to have a relationship with me and I wasted a lot of energy and time trying to get their approval what's the move in that instance it's not trying to gain the approval of these people it's finding people that are interested in me that are cool that want to hang out with me and being persistent and consistent with hanging out with them I think part of it is too like we're sold on the idea that more friends is better. No, I don't think so. I think it's good to know a lot of people. I think it's good to be kind to a lot of people. I think it's great to be acquainted with a lot of people. You can go to a city, you can get a drink with them, you can get, you know, a coffee,

a $20 macho with them. You can have a $60 chili's date with them eventually. Maybe that's your long-term plan. I know some of y'all. You guys, you're in the friend zone, but you have a game plan. You know what your move is. Okay, you're playing chess, 3D checkers over here. But not all of those people are going to be your friends. It's just friendship. Friendship is magic, bro. No, my little pony. Friendship is magic. And you cannot, you cannot build a bond that's genuine with everybody. You can't. You can't, in my opinion. a few really close friends. A few. I can count them on one hand. And outside of that, I have a lot of good friends, but like, I don't think they're actually someone I would call in a pinch, someone I

would call to help. That's really where your friendship is going to get tested. Who's going to be there, you know, when you're down bad? Who's going to be there to give you vitamin water, when you're sick and you have the stomach flu, you know? Who's going to be there to wish you well no matter what? And they don't have any kind of hidden agenda. They don't want you to succeed because it's going to help them. No, they just genuinely like you for who you are. It's difficult.

It's insanely difficult. Because how do you know who's rooting for you? How do you know who's in your corner? That's where the patience comes in. It shows itself. It always does. If somebody is genuine long term, it will show itself. It will show itself in the action.

It's how people act over everything else. There are a lot of people that will talk the talk. I famously have talked to the talk. I've made empty promises towards people. Yeah, I'm going to pull up. Yo, yo, yeah, I'm going to go. You know, that meme of the guy, it's like, me. Literally me.

There's a lot more that meets the eye when it comes to friendship. Okay, so what is, what's the move when it comes to meeting new people and actually establishing a good friendship with them? I think it is, it's multifaceted, but if you feel like you are friends with somebody, genuinely, you probably are. You probably are. They're probably a homie. And there's levels to friendships. There are, especially new ones. For a lot of you, you're starting. like, you know, you're starting over. You've moved to a new place for college, or I don't know, maybe you're going to high school and your capacity of people as, like, tripled in size.

Maybe you just want to make more friends in your town that are your age, but, you know, the ones that you have right now are kind of Schmidt. The first thing, I think, is you've got to be the beacon. Frozen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo.

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You got to put yourself out there. You've got to champion the things that you like and you got to do the things that you like and people will notice. They won't notice right away. That's not how it works. It takes a lot of time. Maybe if you're lucky, they will notice right away, but usually it takes time for relationships and friendships to develop.

The best friends that you will meet, in my opinion, will be either through chance or through purpose. And purpose could be a bunch of different stuff. Maybe you meet them playing soccer. Maybe you meet them, you know, in the same club. But maybe you meet them because you have a goal in mind that you want to achieve. You want to run a 10K and then you bump into somebody at a race and you start talking. Boom, it's one of those friendships that are meant to be. But if you want to meet people like that, ask yourself, what's the move?

You've got to get into situations that will allow you to meet those kind of people. A lot of us maybe we want to break away from what we've known. right maybe our high school friend friend group I know this was happening to me I wasn't a huge partier that wasn't something that I was super into I you know listen unc dabbled but I was I liked experiences I liked doing stuff I liked being active I liked going like on little adventures you know and I liked you know making stuff that was a big thing too I liked you know filmmaking and music my friend group that I had at the core throughout my childhood started to party more it was cool but then that's all they did

that's that's all they did 24-7 and i'd like i was like i'm bored of this this sucks so i had to ask myself i'm like all right well what's the move you know i'm my own person i got to decide do i want to be with these people like for the rest of high school it's like no i'm i'm i'm i'm I'm going to change that. So I started to be a beacon. And what that looked like was when I would see somebody cool, I would say something. I would compliment them. I would talk to them.

I would just like notice that they were wearing merch of a artist that I really liked. Yo, I love that Brockhampton hoodie. Where'd you get that? Yo, you got the Tyler shirt on. Like, I love Tyler, the creator. I just became very open with the things that I liked. And soon people started. to know that I liked artistic stuff.

And they were like, oh, I know that you like, you know, this kind of, I know you like JPEG Mafia. Do you also like making beats? And I'm like, I dabble in NFL studio. Come on now. I was not good. I was not good. But, you know, that opened conversations and that made people look out for me.

Yo, I got a homie, actually, who's really into videography. You should tap in with them. All right. Give me his number. Give me his IG. I'll talk to him. If you don't, if you don't open up to the world, like, there's no people, people just won't feed into it. They won't. And maybe you're shy.

Maybe you're very introverted. It's not easy for you to kind of go up to people and tell people what you're interested in. I totally get that. Another thing you can do is just find other ways of making yourself seen. maybe for you that's actually building some kind of page of your own with your artwork maybe that's spending more time alone and like working on some kind of cool project that could be experienced by the world it doesn't have to just be socialization you know but i urge you try it because i think you'd be surprised i think a lot of us are a lot more similar than we think and oftentimes you're

you're really just one person away from getting to know someone that could change your life. I mean, take it for me. I got introduced to my best friend, Dylan, through someone that I knew in high school, who was a professional yo-yoer, and I was friends with him because he was just cool. I was like, I want to be by cool people. You know, what was the move? Be friends with him. And he introduced me to one of my best friends ever.

It could very well happen. Making friends is also It's a mind game You have to be very open to it And you have to understand that some people are not meant to click right away with you It actually might Take some time Until you realize that the two of you are meant to be homies

Are meant to be really close friends Sometimes it just it doesn't align It's not at the right It's what's the move It's not It's just not there The move is to not force a relationship That's really what the move is.

The move is to let it play out. Okay, we're not talking so much. All right, let's let it fizzle out. Maybe it's the way of the relationship. It's supposed to kind of die down. So we have some time and some distance between us. And then I'm going to hit them up and be like, yo, how you been?

And they're going to be like, yo, I haven't heard from you in months, bro. Let's catch up. All right, cool. We're so back. But if you don't be that beacon, if you don't make that first kind of conscious, Okay, I want to make friends. You are going to be stuck in the waiting room.

There are a lot of waiting rooms in life. A lot of people are stuck in waiting rooms, waiting for things to happen. If you want more friends, you have to make more friends. I'm sorry, that's how it is. Because I was waiting. I was waiting for a long time in college. I was like, okay, maybe it will, maybe now. Oh, why is nobody coming up to talk to me?

I'm so cool. Why does nobody want to talk to me? Just go get it. Go get it. Like, stop waiting for permission for someone to be like, oh, you can be my friend now. No, go, go. Because nobody knows. Everybody else is in their own head.

Nobody knows that you want to be friends with them. You should tell them. And if they laugh you off, if they decide to be like, I don't want to be friends with you. Okay, great. Great. You didn't waste your time. You didn't waste your time trying to convince somebody that you're cool. There's no convincing to be had.

The move is also understanding that friendships are really important. That friendships change lives. And friendships, especially with people that you are very different from, very, like everything is different about you and them are the best. Are the best. I think a lot of us are in friend groups. A lot of us have like hometown friends, people that like in proximity we become friends with. but we don't have people that challenge our understanding of who we are and make us really reflect. And a good friend, in my opinion, does all of that.

They make you really question like, dang, dude, am I in the wrong on this? Or like, you know, do I really want to be the person that I am? They make you reflect. A good friendship will make you reflect. They're obviously supportive of you and they cheer you on. That's a big thing too. They make you They aren't a yes man

Yeah Oh that's fire Yeah No they'll be like You should think about this differently This sucks No I don't think I don't think that girl is good for you

I don't think that guy is good for you No I think you should You should chill When was the last time you had a relationship Yeah a month ago Relax Relax

Take a break You ain't got to be dating all the time bro What's the move don't go to Chili's for a little bit. Okay, I'll save you $60. If you go like three times, it'll save you 180. Yeah.

You don't need to make any new friends. Maybe you really don't. Like maybe your move is chilling out and spending time alone. I said it. Because as much as friends can be the best, most beautiful gift in life, they can also be the biggest distraction. They can.

You know deep down, you have a hobby you want to get into. You know deep down, you haven't been taking care of your mental health, your physical health. You're letting things slide. But the bros are asking, what's the move? Why do we feel guilty taking time for ourselves? Isn't that a little bit odd? That'll test your friendship too. being like, hey, I need my own space.

Sorry, guys. Bro, you never hang out with us. I've hung out with you every single day since we were two years old. Can I go hit a back day by myself and listen to some two Hollis? Like, come on, what is going on? That's going to challenge it. That's good. Because if your value of a friendship is the fact that,

that you're just there, that's not a, that's not a friendship. They just like you being there, hanging out. That doesn't actually mean that they're your homie. If they just like you, you know, calling when it's convenient for them, that's not a homie. It's not. Real friends. How many of us? How many of us?

Famously how many of us. Listen, I like meeting people. I love talking to people. I love meeting people. But I've learned that I got to kind of ease it with like, oh, that's the friend. That's the homie. Not yet. Your friends are an extension of who you are.

And I've had instances in my life where my friends represented me very poorly. Very poorly. They put me in a very bad light. Whether they knew they were doing that or not, I don't really. know, but they did it regardless. And what was the move in that instance? Dude, I realized that was high key my fault.

I should have known. And I realized in certain things, I cannot trust certain people. I can't. Yeah. I can't trust some friends on a live stream. I just cannot do it.

I just cannot do it. Yeah. That's awesome. So be careful. Be careful who you're friends with. Because a bad friend will pull you into a really bad situation. And your night out might end in a go-fund-me for your hospital bills. Don't do that.

You can avoid that. What's the move? I'll tell you what the move is. Pick the people around you very, very cautiously. The ones that you spend the most time with. Some of us, you know, we get in circles and like we know. a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy and they're kind of weird and sketchy and awed.

But if the people in your immediate circle, they're chillers and they're doing good things and you actually feel inspired by them and they're pushing you to be better, okay, that's good. That's a good thing. And if you feel like right now maybe you're a young person and you're like, I don't have anyone in my circle that's doing that, congratulations. You're the first. Be the beacon. because what I've seen happen too is by you deciding to take initiative and do something cool for yourself,

meet other people, try something creative, try something business-minded, I don't know, even just get more serious about your own life, about how you treat yourself, how you eat, how you sleep, how you work out, how you interact with the world and you give the world more grace. You can inspire a lot of your close friends to do the same thing. And guess what? That inspires more people. It's a domino effect, dude. Net positive.

You know? Maybe your friend is going to be the next founder of the next Chili's that somebody in the future will spend $60 at and make a podcast about, who knows? That'd be cool. Be a cool reality. End of the day, if you want to make friends, if you want real lasting friendships that are,

on some fur lifer shplish you you need to you need to do it you need to initiate it you need to tell people that you're looking to make friends and you have to you have to

advertise yourself a little bit if you genuinely want to make new friendships that's my take on it the best and real friends will happen naturally yes but if you just want to make an introduction in a new place you want to just get some kind of sample of the people in a certain area, you've got to do the work.

Because it ain't going to be done for you. And the work can look differently. It can look like approaching someone in the library who's reading a Freudian philosophy book. It can be approaching someone that's filming in a park and being like, what do you do for a living? It can be even like making small talk or, you know what, scratch the small talk. It can be going to like a club event that seems really interesting. like a mahjong club. Yeah, Unks tapped into Majong.

What you know about mahjong? Any of that. Any of that. Action. The world thrives off action. And we often don't. Act. We don't act.

We sit in the waiting room. So what's the move? Move. Do something. Look at that little dog. Did you know the Zirky Show? is everywhere you go. That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you have a homie that needs to tap into the Zerky Show, a BFF, send it their way.

They will appreciate it, I hope. And just don't forget to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Try something new for once. Do something for yourself. Take yourself on a little date. Maybe get some boba. I don't know what you fancy. But other than that, just no, dude. If you have time right now this summer, if you are looking at the stories of people that are going all over the world with money that they don't have, turn your emotions into action. Have a vacation at home. Like do things that are actually good for you. Give yourself a good routine.

Like feed your brain good things. A lot of us really just end up neglecting ourselves because other people are having a better time. Dude, it is what it is, man. I've been there, done that. You're going to have a good summer. I can feel it. Stay true to yourself. Know yourself, um?

And other than that, just no Zerky Show. I believe in you, and I, as always, am sending you lots of love and peace.