the zurkie show - if you feel invisible to them

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

they're blind to your worth.so shine elsewhere around people who will see you.don't make life more miserable for yourself.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet, from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets. Begin your next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. You feel like you've done a good job, so why haven't you been recognized? You feel like you have been grinding, like you have been on top of your game. You've been an excellent person to be around.

Why do you feel like you are still invisible? You, my friend, are around the wrong people. Because if somebody was meant to recognize you, they would have. And something that I have spent my entire life trying to do is get recognized by the wrong people. I tried to seek value and validation from people that I idolized, from people that I thought were super cool. I wanted them just to admit, yo, man, what you're doing is awesome. we should work together. Yo, man, I absolutely love the fact that you are so in tune with yourself.

I love the fact that you have been showing up time and time again for our group, for our friend group, for our relationship. I want to acknowledge that. Silence. It never comes. There is a point you reach, I think, where you get fed up, where you start to really question, okay, am I even good enough for anything? Because I can't get recognized at school.

I can't get recognized within my friends. I'm always an outcast. I'm always the last one to get invited. And I'm always watching on somebody else's story, a gathering that I'm not at. What is going on? Is it something with me? And multiple things could be true. I have been pushed to the side many times.

Some of those times, they were my own fault. I'll be the first to admit it. I was doing too much. I wanted too many things too quickly. I was overbearing. I was pursuing a relationship like it was going to be a marriage instead of just taking it slow. I was begging somebody to collaborate on an art project or to be my, you know, group partner or to work at the same job with me. When in reality, you cannot and will not change the perception of people that I'm

already made up their mind about you. Unless they want to. And most of the time, they don't. This is why so many people leave the place they grew up. Because you quickly realize people like to put you in a box. They like to think that you are one way when in reality you're free. You're literally free. No, Fortnite.

You are not done. Water, you are the water. You flow. You figure things out. You learn. And for whatever reason, people have this obsession with closing you in. And I think it's because they just want to contain you. They don't want you to outgrow them. Another reason why I wasn't given the pat on the back and the validation. People did not want to give up their status, their position in a friend group. their ego. And so they will put you to the side. They will shelve you.

They will make you feel like you are crazy. This is the important part that I think, I'm glad I kind of snapped into, you know, like, okay, I got it. Do you feel like you're doing enough? Do you feel like you're doing a good job? Do you feel like you are a good person, someone fun to be, round. If the answer is unequivocally yes, I think it's just a matter of time and you have to keep recycling the tribes until you find the right one. You are just not in a position where you are

accepted, whether that is your social status at work, which is another thing, your friend group, your own interests, the things that you find fun, maybe. Maybe. you're not at a point where you understand fully, okay, this is who I am. That's a great thing. A lot of people think, my goodness, I'm cooked, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 24, 25, 36. It's the journey. That is the whole point of this existence, in my opinion. You figure it out. You are open to the change. You go with the flow and you just say, you know what? Yeah, I'm going to go help out. at this camp this summer. Why not?

In Michigan. Let's see what happens. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to go move in with my grandma in Italy and learn how to make like good Italian wine. You know what? Yeah. I'm going to just pick up everything and move across the country not knowing anybody. You open yourself up to the adventure and then you're able to build the character traits.

You're able to build the consistency to feel like, wow. I can stand on my own two feet. I don't have to try to be on my tippy toes to be around people. I can just be here and just exist in peace. And I'm okay with that. If you spend your whole life trying to appease a crowd that does not care about you, you will feel more lonely. You will feel like you just do not understand who you are.

And you don't. And I understand, like, I'm a very, I love people. I love being around people. We're tribal by nature. We like having a social gathering, being around people. No matter what people will tell you, I do think that there is strength in numbers. But the problem is if you are around people that have already predetermined your worth without your say, and you just don't feel like you are valued, that will continue.

And even if you do get that validation, even if you do get that invite to the Christmas party that you always wanted to go to, that you always saw, you know, the white elephant gifts people were giving, and you want to get that vineyard dine's hat this year, whatever. It will be empty. It will be hollow. And you will also realize the people that were gatekeeping you, they are so insecure to the point you don't want to be around them. They are so lame to the point that all of this fighting, all of this, like, approval seeking is worthless. I have a story to tell, actually, on this.

In my middle school growing up, there were social classes. There were kids that had money. There were kids that didn't. There were kids in between. There were kids that also, you know, grew up in America longer. They knew the system. They knew the game. They knew that you had to have the right kind of Birkenstocks, not just any.

You couldn't have just any Nikes. You had to have the Roshi runs to fit in. You could not have just any pair of jeans. They had to be Levi's. I really wanted to fit in with this crowd. I guess I was insecure. They just seemed cool to me because they had the most clout in school. So I, my entire life was trying to brown nose and just, I was essentially, I became very good at asking questions and just acting interested.

And I was interested to a certain extent, but most of these people were cardboard. Okay, they had cardboard personalities. If you had had like, you know, one of those cardboard figures, I would have the same conversation with them that I'd have, you know, with a real person. I ended up sneaking my way into having some kind of social relevancy. And it happened because I made a really ridiculously dumb disc track on my one of my friends. And shout out Kevin.

You're listening to this, brother. Oh, God. Wow. That thing, the SoundCloud, you know, freshman year disc track that was terrible. And I think it was like to the instrumental of back to back by Drake. I think that was the instrumental. Oh, my goodness. it got me approved.

All of a sudden I had people knowing about me laughing at this kid because of this disc track. And it was all fun in games. Like there was no malintent in it. But I started hanging around this crowd and I realized that I felt really bad. Because what hit me was the only reason I am invited to these gatherings, to hang out with these people, to be in their social circle, is because I made fun of somebody else. In like a layman's term, you know, is that even the right way to use it?

In a roundabout way, let's go, you know, let's do the Europe thing. In a roundabout way, that was why I was hanging out with them. It wasn't because they thought that I was cool normally, that, you know, they didn't think that me wearing soccer jerseys every day to school was super dope. It wasn't. To them, it was, I was a weirdo. it wasn't that I was wearing Skechers with holes in them. To them I was cringe for that

or the fact that I was like very interested in theater and interested in singing. To them it meant that I liked guys. Nothing wrong with that. These presumptions these assumptions they did not

they did not sit right with me and there's a good chance that if you get approval by the people that you really want approval from, you're going to realize it wasn't worth it. And the things that you have to do to get that. Why? I got it by accident. I didn't try.

This wasn't like a, yo, I'm going to do this. It was just like me having a laugh, you know? But to them, I guess that was something that boosted me up. I didn't like it. And the weird thing is, the older you get, the more you realize that that same kind of mentality exists in everything, in everything. And I think that you have to understand that there's a game to play. It's not good to make enemies, in my opinion.

I think that making enemies just closes doors for you. And I do think you should stand up for things that you believe in. And if somebody is being bigoted, okay, or disrespecting you outright, you need to stand up for yourself, hands down. But you will find that there are. more gatekeepers in this world than there are people that think progressively and think in a way of what can we do to make things better what can we do to put people on what can we do to improve the place and the planet that we live on there are so many people they have a title okay and you will you will

experience this not right away in the workforce if you're in high school you could probably even think like when somebody becomes a team captain the old aura boost, right? When somebody becomes the president of debate, the aura boost, in college, it's the same thing. This is kind of how I've realized the world works. A lot of people are so unconfident in their own abilities that having a title as a consultant, as a partner, as, you know, a husband, a wife, That title gives them this kind of entitlement to belittle you in any circumstance. And I think you have to realize when this is happening to you and you have to clock it. Okay?

You have to. Because if you don't, people are going to walk right over you. They're going to walk right over you and they are going to take advantage of this. And for me, I know very quickly when I meet somebody, what they think of me, by how they're interacting with me. I've had instances where I never, I wouldn't bring up what I do or how I think or who I'm friends with and the arrogance, the snark, the kind of like, it's so interesting the double take somebody, you know, looks at you when they get context.

And listen, in the same way, you can hold it against people or you can unlawful. understand that part of it, I think, is human nature, is that we look for ways to differentiate each other and some people want to be at the top. Where I think you can have a bit of sanity and you can kind of save yourself from all of these like friend dynamic, weird things, job things, is stand on business. It's literally that. Stand on business. Know your value. know your worth, offer it to somebody, offer friendship, offer these things. But if you start to see that you are being egoed, you are being dono-walled, you are being essentially like blocked away on purpose, do not give into that emotionally.

That is what somebody wants you to do because it reinforces their title. It makes them feel like, yeah, I gate kept somebody. Oh, yeah, they can't hang with us. They not like us. Get out of here. This is corny. No. Don't give into it.

Just be like, I'm not wanted here. I'm going to go somewhere where I am. Because what will happen is there's a good chance that when you go somewhere where you are wanted and people recognize, hey, wait a minute, this guy's cool. Wait, I like this girl. I like this person. They have something really dope. I like hanging around them. They will open doors.

They will make you meet other people that are way cooler that have a similar mindset and a similar way of thinking. and there is a good chance that those people that rejected you, when you build up your own leverage, they will come back. And they will want to work on something. And they will want to, you know, do something together, get together, figure something out. And I think that you can still use that opportunity. I think I've had such a weird time with taking things way too personally of like, wow, they rejected me and they hate me. I don't think they care that much.

They want to keep their title. They want to feel good about themselves. All right, cool. Let me do my own thing. And if we're meant to cross paths again, I'll remember how they acted. So I know their character. But if I have leverage, that door will be open.

Sometimes you're not ready for that. Sometimes you've got to build up your own confidence to run with a pack that's meant for you. That sounded really corny. But it's true. Sometimes you need a bit of alone time to rebuild who you are and start attracting good people into your life. And where I think people go wrong is they get rejected from one group, so they try to compensate

for that by just getting any kind of friend they can, just hanging around anyone that will, you know, say yes. This also happens in dating. Someone will get rejected by someone they really like. And so they will go on a shopping spree of, you know, just trying different people out. And it's not because they are trying to find a relationship. They're trying to fill the void of getting rejected by that person they really liked. That's what they're doing. You won't be able to convince somebody who, again, has put like a predetermined notion on who you are.

They have said, this person is this way. and this also happens with your family. You can't control how your family is going to view you, even if you did everything perfectly. If you have demanding parents, if you have demanding family around you, it will never be enough. And so I think accepting that and moving past that being like,

all right, well, no matter what I do, there's always going to be an issue with this. So I'm going to understand that they feel a certain type of way about me, but maybe they still show me love. They still appreciate me. Nah, I'm going to do my own thing. You have to. You have to.

And in the same vein, like right now, if you're in school, high school, college, even if you're like a young adult right now, just trying to figure out how, like, this life thing works, being alone and acknowledging how much of a privilege it is to get a fresh start, whether that's moving to a new city, moving to a new city, moving to a new. school, transferring, having an opportunity to leave like a toxic friend group that were your childhood best friends because your mom, you know, knew all of their moms. And they actually suck. How much of a beautiful gift it is to just like start over. And that being alone in your room, listening to music, journaling about the things that you want to change, listening to audio books,

even like self-improvement books, people like to say, oh, it's ridiculous. Why? would anyone listen to that. Some of those books have changed my life. I don't read them every day, but the subtle art of not giving an F by Mark Manson, great book. Defining Decade by Meg J. Like, for those of you in your 20s, in phenomenal book, changed, look, rewired my brain. These things exist for a reason. A lot of people that have gone through very hard times changing cite these things. And it doesn't mean you need to become obsessed with self-improvement, and you have to become like a, you know, looks maxing goat or whatever.

It just means that you have to change your perspective and your mindset of how you are approaching the cards that you're dealt. Because the same cards that somebody might fold on and just be like, it's whatever, I'm not even going to try, it could be a winning pair for somebody else. It's all about how you decide to you. use it. So yeah, you not being accepted by that friend group right now, that could be the worst thing in the world and that could really make you feel like you are a loser or whatnot. Or it can empower you. It can make you really think, well, who do I want to be around? It's not these

people. They don't like me. They don't even like being around each other. Why would I want to spend time with them? But it's hard. When you're in, when you're in the muck of it and you're trying to gain that approval. It's very difficult to just like take a step back and be like, whoa, wait, maybe I don't want to be with these people. Maybe I actually want to be alone for a little bit. Maybe I'm not supposed to be dating right away. And I got to chill out. It's very hard. It's very hard. Trust me. But I think at the end of the day, Zerki Show, if you do realize and have faith in the fact that there are people that are good for you, that have actually like want you to win and want to be your friend.

And they're not doing it out of some kind of weird like service. They're doing it because they genuinely want to be there. They want to be at your birthday party. They're not coming to your function for 30 minutes just to make it seem like they're a good friend and then leaving. They're making an effort to have a conversation with you and check up on you and make sure that you're good. I think those are the people that make life worth living. Because I won't lie to you. It gets lonely.

It gets difficult. And the last thing you want going through a really hard time is you looking in the mirror, realizing that the world that you've built for yourself, the experience that you're in, was made in the image of somebody completely that had no regard for you. And I think that that scared me enough to be like, you know what? I'm doing my own thing. I'm finding my own crowd. and if it means I need to be alone for a little bit,

so be it, Zirky Show. So be it. But I'm here for you. Don't forget me. I'm here for you, okay? Oh, man. Friends suck. Not really.

The TV show Friends, though, I never got into it. I don't know if any one of you did. I just, anyways. Today's episode of The Zirky Show was filmed in beautiful Cripple Creek, Colorado, a wonderful gold mining town with a rich history, beautiful mountains behind me. If you're ever in Colorado, come down to Criple Creek. Did you know that the Zirky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct.

You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, these are the best ways to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Make a bucket list. Where do you want to go?

Dubrovny, Croatia? Okay. 2026. It's locked in. Shanghai, China? Okay. 2027. Make it happen.

You need to have some kind of vision, something you're working towards. I made a vision board last year. I'm going to make one this year. I'm going to definitely make it way more condensed and way more simple. But dream big and do it. Find a way.

If it seems impossible, good. It means it's more challenging. You will find a way. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, Zirky Show, I am sending you lots of love. And...

Frozen lasagna, medium power. 15 minutes. Sounds like, Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Joe, the online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep

with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum withdraws. Hey, I just won. Woo-hoo! Feel the fun! Play-O-Joe! Honey, forget about the lasagna. Let's celebrate!

19 plus Ontario only, please play responsibly. Concern about your gambling or that of someone close to you, call 16-531-2,600, or visit conexonttoreo.ca. Peace.