the zurkie show - if you want someone to stay

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

look for intimacy from good sources... that's how you build something that's real. sending you all love and peaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

Why is the goal of talking to somebody attractive getting their phone number? Why is the goal of going out downtown with your friends looking for somebody to hook up with? Why is that the goal? Why are our priorities fixated on getting things that will make us feel worthy to other people or seem cool to other people when instead we should focus on what we need? And you know what we need? We need intimacy. We have lost the art of.

of intimacy amongst people. I see it every single day in the interactions that I have at the grocery store. People don't want to talk. People don't want to exchange information. There is this fear amongst opening up. And I get it. Everything is warranted. Everything is...

I understand why we got these problems. But I think that the end goal in a lot of our interactions is the problem. That's what's causing this lack of intimacy. That's why every party you've... go to feels like a networking fest where people are trying to swap Instagrams and whatnot. It's like, dude, why can't we just have a conversation and never talk again? And why can't I just remember that conversation I had with you as, you know what, I met this cool dude at a party named Daniel and he told me about snails. He was, you know, super into snails. He has a snail farm. And he also likes

eating escargo. Sick. But instead, everything is, oh, like, let me get your gram bro oh leo let's exchange information and i get it like it's cool to to hold on to people and have people but it's like why is that the goal of a conversation i think it's psyching a lot of a you know of us out this whole goal too that like you i got to go up to this person that's attractive and i got to get their number their snap or whatever and if i don't get it i'm cooked it's like bro why why isn't the goal just like talking to somebody Why is being intimate so hard? I think it's because it comes from a lack of self, right?

Like you have to be really comfortable with yourself if you want to be able to be open and intimate with people. That's really where it comes down to. And intimacy at large has kind of been, it's kind of been devalued. It has been. Right? Like, I think there's a lot of people that would, I mean, they would, they would, they would, tell you that I would much rather have a relationship. I would much rather be in like a long-term thing. But they don't act that way. Like everything that they do is completely against that. And it's

because like intimacy is difficult. It is a very difficult thing. Being comfortable with the fact that you're going to talk to somebody, you're going to just be yourself in a vulnerable state, and they might not like you. That is not a comfortable thing. Of course you would prop up all of these defenses against that. Because it feels like an assault on your character when in reality, they're doing you a favor. You're not meant to be with that person or you're not meant to be friends with that person in the first place. But another problem that I'm seeing is that the idea in which what kind of intimacy we need is being completely misconstrued. And for a lot of us, this means a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a partner, and it means romance and the things that come

with romance you get what i'm saying about jok wow wow but that is like one sliver one part of intimacy it's not it's not even close to the whole thing like a big part of okay hello oh my god that was awesome like a big part of intimacy is just being there for the other person is like hearing somebody out when they're down in the dumps and they feel hopeless. A part of intimacy is also comforting somebody and telling them they're not alone. It doesn't have to be with a partner. It can be with a friend. Like, when was the last time you really checked in on a homie and asked him, how is he doing?

And you didn't just take okay as an answer. You actually dug in there and you're like, hey, like, where have you been? What have you been up to? anything new in your life like how's your family that's the kind of intimacy we need and i know for a lot of men this is a problem you don't really have intimacy in your relationships with other guys because on the outside that sounds odd and it sounds you know weird or whatever but you need intimacy from from different people in your life you don't have to be oversharing all the time that's not what it's about about, but you do need people that will care for you and you can care for them.

And what ends up happening for a lot of us is, let's say we do find someone we really like and let's say we shoot our shot on some, you know, you should talk to them, boom. And that's our only source of intimacy. That's our only source of closeness. We become dependent on it. This is how people get locked into a relationship and they just become emotional. dependent on the other person. It's because that's your only

form of intimacy. That's the only relationship that actually you've done some legwork to build. You've done some legwork to figure out who the other person is. And that's if you're lucky, bro. A lot of people are just in relationships that have no intimacy. None. It's completely

hollow. You are basically at that point cosplay boyfriend and girlfriend because there's nothing deep. There's nothing deep about it. be careful about that looks can be deceiving looks are beautiful but if there's no substance to a person

or a character what are you going to say after you guys have cleared the air and done everything that you wanted to do right you hooked up we need intimacy and we need it a lot more than we think and intimacy can be

sharing a conversation with a stranger at a bus stop it can be noticing that somebody is having a rough day and offering to just like buy him a coffee it can be asking and being curious about somebody not faking it but genuinely trying to find something to be curious about in another person and learning from them because what's what's happening is there's an intimacy debt right there's a lack of intimacy so people are not wanting to be intimate because they're afraid of opening up and this is causing a lot of loneliness and it's it's causing people to think that they are alone dealing with these emotions when if you were to open up if you were to just ask yo am i alone on the fact that i don't like some of the stuff i consume like i

i just i think it's it's brain rot no skibbity it's on some brain rot you'd be surprised how many people with that. Or like, hey, I feel ashamed of the fact that I can't get my life together. And it feels like I'm always trying to play catch up all the time. You know how many people relate to that and how many people literally live that day to day? You're looking at one of them. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and county. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got. Sign up for free at rbc training ground.ca. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip. Play. Post. Taste.

View and enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. That comes with opening up. You don't have that kind of intimate conversation with somebody unless you open up, unless you actually are comfortable with yourself. How do you become intimate with yourself? I think part of it comes from self-reflection. It comes from understanding that you have emotions, you feel things, and these things stick with you. Whether you like it or not, they stick with you, you feel them, and you can't just shake them off on some Taylor Swift.

You can't do it. I think the next thing is understanding that you don't need to do some kind of insane amount of personal development or work. in order to be worthy of friendships or worthy of intimacy or worthy of a relationship. You being aware of what you have and where you're at is more than enough. That separates you from most people because most people are just in the hamster wheel, bro. They don't see that. They just kind of think, oh, I did it again.

Silly me. Silly me, I did it again. I fell for the bad boy. Or I fell for the goth girl with bangs. You know what? It's a universal experience, okay? Okay, but you recognize that you got some patterns, you got some things going on, and you recognize maybe that you have some insecurities within yourself that you don't feel good about, right? Okay, great.

Guess what? Everybody on this planet deals with those things. You can relate to every single person probably on this planet. Because we all deal with self-sabotage. We all deal with an inner critic. We all deal with expectations of how we should look, what we should do. We all deal with the perception of other people onto our own conscious. Of course.

Like, this is what everyone deals with. You're not alone. And also, like, most people are too busy dealing with their own flaws and hyper-fixating on their own to notice any of yours. I had this problem a lot with like approaching new people. I was like, they're going to think I'm ugly. I have never even thought that once when some stranger or somebody approached me. Oh my God, they're ugly.

I've never thought that. That has never crossed my mind. Like, I don't know. Have I thought people were ugly? Yes, okay, come on. I'm human. All right. Forgive me.

But actions are such an insane underrated currency. That's what really. runs the world is how people act, right? And if you put yourself out there and you seek out intimacy in a way that's like good and it feels holistic and it feels like, you know, it's something you genuinely want, you're going to find it. You're bound to find it. And also, you're going to find it in the right places. Because what a lot of us do is we try to look for intimacy in the wrong places. We look for people who give us attention, but it's not, it's not intimate. attention. It's just attention. Maybe they sense that you're self-conscious and you're weak and you can be

taken advantage of. This is also true. There are people out there like that, sadly. But you have to be open to the fact that you might make a mistake. You might do something wrong. It's okay. You're human. It's not like these mistakes are going to be held against your head for the rest of your life. like it's better to try it and know that was not for me, that wasn't good than to blindly keep doing the same thing and repeating the bad pattern, right? Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes.

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of intimacy, man. We need intimacy in public places. We need to feel like we are a part of something. Join a club. Join a service. If you're religious, join a ministry, like a youth group, anything. be around people show who you are to these people be respectful try to find the good in other people it is so important that we do this because a lack of this a lack of intimacy a lack of community

it builds an insane amount of resentment and it builds a lot of loneliness amongst people I've seen it in some of my male friends man a lot of my male friends that graduated high school didn't go to college they kind of went straight into the workforce um they isolated themselves and they became kind of these stone walls like the stone emoji just is that a way to live life if it's your opinion that it is cool i don't think so i don't think so there's so much beauty in the intimacy that you can get from a significant other there's so much

beauty that you can get from the intimacy of a new friend that you decide to let into your life. You decide that you're not going to try to play this game trying to get them to like you. You're open about what you're struggling with. Something I've learned to do as an adult too is use my friends as support. Like a friend is there to help you. And thankfully, I've been entrusted by a lot of my friends for me to help them. and it's felt like the best thing in the world. And it's a net positive.

You help somebody out. They help you out. That's all you could ask for. But I think we look for intimacy in the wrong places. I think that's where a lot of it comes from. We conflate love and lust a lot. We conflate having a stable relationship with, well, what are my friends going to think of me, being with this person?

Intimacy. is something that you have to be open to experiencing from the places that it comes from. And you can't try to force it in a certain person. You can't force it in a certain place. You kind of need to feel it out. That's like one of the most important things. But let's say you're on the fence because intimacy scares you, right? And it's not a comfortable thing.

And maybe in the past like you were intimate. with people and you were crossed every time you were made to be the problem of a situation because of you being intimate that's a it's a valid fear it's a very valid fear but what i'll say to that is just because you got stung by the bee once doesn't mean that the honey still ain't sweet And yes, just because somebody took intimacy and they used it against you, and they took your vulnerability and they packaged it as something they could weaponize, does not mean there are no people that want to be intimate with you and they want to actually bring out the best in you.

That's you assuming that that's how it's going to be, when in reality you have no idea. And I'm telling you, we need intimacy. or we go crazy man I mean I was really lacking in intimacy all throughout college until I bit my teeth and I'm like I can't do all of this alone like I need to make friends

I need to make good friends I need to be open with my friends about what's going on I got to see if people are feeling the same way that I am and I met some of my best friends that way but if had I not done that like I I would have

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I love this analogy that a friend gave me, my friend Albert. He was explaining to me that he has lived a life with highs and lows, a life where he went from making hundreds of thousands of dollars in a month to having to take care of a sick family member and losing it all, right? A big thing that he explained to me was that life is filled with peaks and valleys, similar to what I got behind me, right? and the beautiful thing about these peaks and valleys is that it makes you realize that you're still alive and you're still kicking because as soon as something bad hits you remember when things were good and it motivates you to get to that as soon as things are good you are grateful for them because you remember where you were in the valley right when things were really bad maybe you have experienced a valley of intimacy

where things were bad where you were not deemed worthy where you were tossed around maybe you were made fun of in a friend group maybe you were trying to seek love out of what night stance

it happens we've been there right you haven't experienced the peak yet and yes you can give up and yes you can wall yourself from everybody else. But what if you could see it through? What if you could experience that peak? Isn't that alone worth it?

I know it's a tall mountain to climb, but like the alternative is staying in the valley and having this premonition that I'll never be able to be intimate with anybody. And although that might be true in the moment, what if that's not the reality? What if it just takes first building a better relationship with yourself, being able to open up more with yourself,

to then be able to do that with other people for you to realize that, hey, we need intimacy, and I'm worthy of it. I'm going to work towards that because I believe you can do it, Zirky Show. I believe you deserve intimacy. Today's episode of The Zirky Show was filmed in beautiful Cripple Creek, Colorado. as you can see the mountains behind me. This is such a beautiful spot. If you are ever in Colorado, come down to Cripple Creek. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go?

That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. We have communities all over the interwebs. I would love to see you there. So if you want to tap in, tap in.

Do the things that bring you joy. If you have a mountain close to you where you live, go. Take your friends, get in a van, and just go. Please. That's all I got to say. Other than that, if you were trying something new, just know that I believe in you give it a shot. In Zerky Show, as always, I am sending you lots of love and peace.