the zurkie show - lust

Episode Date: October 17, 2026

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Baby girl, what's your name? Let me talk to you. Let me buy you a drink. I'm Zerki. You know me. We're talking about lust. Tell your homie. Let me buy you a drink.

Lust. Let's talk about it. No, let's talk about the difference between love or lust. Famously, Little Skies once said that there's a lot of lust, not a lot of love. And in my personal life, what I can tell you is, lust has been a siren in my life. It's been something that has like lured deep in the back of my mind. And oftentimes when I am at my darkest, when I feel alone, when I feel like that little kid that needed conditional, you know, well, unconditional love, but only got it conditionally, that that is the best thing I was going to get. whatever came my way

even if I didn't want it I needed to take it those were the breadcrumbs Hansel and Gretel that were thrown out for me and dude lust destroys you the biggest way that it's come it's cumbed

whoa okay we had to go there already now the biggest way that it's impacted my life it has actually been like a it's like a two-tone two-tone pedic no gunna it's like a two-tone problem. The first problem is I started watching adult material when I was young. I think everyone on the internet probably did. I was probably 13 and, you know, I was at a lunch table and all my

homies were talking about an Alexis from Texas. And I was like, who is this young Alexis girl? And the other way that it's impacted that was from that exposure and really what turned into this, like, taboo, I shouldn't be consuming this, but I am. And everyone around me was, man, like in middle school, everyone around me was like, dude, bro, I reached three, four times yesterday. Like, come on, man. We should be talking about Minecraft. crazy. But that was the life. That was what we were exposed to. People, you know, we as kids wanted to grow up so quick. And now as adults, we yearned for the times of 2008 when we should have bought a freaking house, man. Now, but, um, that then impacted probably every

decision about dating that I did moving forward. Because what people don't understand about, like, I think a lot of us, is that we grew up in a time where that material was your breakthrough into what a relationship looked like. There wasn't really a lot of these Hollywood romances to follow. It was kind of just like, ah, it only happens in the movies. But I think that at least back in the day, there was a little bit of this hope behind finding love and pursuing it and giving effort and giving your life essence and your time into something like that. And now people are like,

do you want to go hook up with me in the bathroom? That is the Romeo and Juliette of 2026. And I refuse to believe that it is as awesome and liberating and empowering as people try to make it out to be. If you feel deep down, like you want love, you're not interested in,

the hookups long term. Maybe you've had your fun. I don't judge that. Amen. Do you think? You know, girl, go out there and enjoy the world. But if you're like, I really want to have a partner, I really want to have someone who like, it'd be nice to come home to and have, you know, dinner ready. And then the next day I can cook them dinner. And then, you know, we can go to a pumpkin patch and take cute Kodak photos. And I'm happy to bring them to my husband. And I'm happy to bring them to my family and show them, you know, show you off. Tonight girl, I'm going to show you off. A, A, A, A, A. What you got. A million could have never bought. A.A. Right? You guys remember, come on. Jay Bieber. No, but like that is, that is so integral to your human spirit.

And I've, I'm a yearner for that, man. I'm a yearner for that. But when I was younger, there was a part of me that loved lust because I thought that was all you got. I thought that that was all you got because, let's be honest, you get in a lustful situation. You get in a lustful relationship. It's pretty awesome. It's like fast food. It's like taking the first couple bites of like a McDouble and you're like, mm-hmm, right, until you realize that it's Play-Doh.

It's literal Play-Doh food. You know that one episode of Spongebobie? where they're selling crabby patties made of sand. That is literally what this is. It's a short fling. It's something that the intention behind is not pure. And you feel dirty. Love doesn't make you feel dirty. You don't feel like you're like a rag that's just been, you know, wrenched out. It's not how you feel. But so many people get accustomed to that. And my, you know, I myself, selfishly started looking at as like, well, if I'm going to get used, I might as well use somebody else. Hey, you're with me.

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But in that, we don't realize how much we hurt other people. Being in a lustful thing fucking sucks. It sucks. Because you know when they text you, it's because they want something. It's because they want attention. They want your time. they want you to go on this date. That isn't even a date.

It's an excuse for you to hang out with them so you can do the thing afterwards. That's all it is. They want you to get enough so that you stay, but not too much because I'm not in a relationship right now. You know, I'm going to college. I don't want to keep my options open.

And for a lot of us, we stoop down to that frequency. We say, oh, well, okay, I don't really have another option, so I might as well do that. when in reality we should be like no no no i want a relationship with you i think you're cool i want to hang out with you i want to communicate the fact that i have these needs but instead i'm going to sit back and just ignore all of that and be like oh whatever yeah i guess and you're living it's so crazy because that you go through these relationships like you're in a VR headset.

Like it's you're living your life, but it's not you. It's not you. It is a version or a caricature of you that's built to appease this person because the idea of them not being there next to you and you not getting secretly what you kind of want, which is like physical intimacy,

whatever desire to not feel alone. It's just like you lose yourself a little bit. You lose yourself a little bit. And what people don't talk about with lust, man, especially when it comes to people, is that it drains you. It drains you of time and emotion. And that's hurtful in itself. You only have so much time in this world.

And instead, you're just sitting there being like, I'm doing something with someone that I could care less about, that I don't care to be with this person. I don't see them long term. And I'm just here and I'm whatever, right? it's a disservice to you. It was a disservice to me. But again, I didn't know any better. I didn't know any better.

I didn't know that when you have an option to be with somebody, it doesn't mean that's the only person that will ever like you in the world. And the things that are kind of weird that they say, you know, the kind of, ooh, the fact that they like are, they don't want me to be, their boyfriend or whatever, the fact they're in a relationship still, or they're saying, yeah, you know, I like the attention that you give me and that's, you know, about it, that that's wrong and that's not right. So how do we get there? How do we get to a point where we just allow that? And on the contrary, the things that we've done to people, man, I, I'm not proud of this,

but like, you know, in high school there was somebody that I had passed with. I really liked them. One could say I loved them. And the last time we ever hung out, it was because selfishly I wanted to hook up with them. And I wish that we didn't. I wish that we didn't, man. I wish that we just hung out and I could talk to them one last time and just. have like laugh because the the memory is just like uh and it was and i had to say um not

interested and all of this and it was just like i i i just the lust man the lust and it's it's sometimes i mean most of the time it's it's to distract yourself you want this thing selfishly because it is you from an insecurity. It is filling the void of you feeling like your dad doesn't approve of you. So you got to get with a lot of people in order to be like, my man points are up. It's the, you know, the rejection of wanting to spend time with maybe your parents because you want to just get out of the house because your, you know, your mom was kind of hard on you throughout your life. It may be shamed you a few times. It's like it's you running away. from what you got to deal with internally,

the fact that like five hookup situationships ago and you actually had someone that you liked and you just told them, I'm not committing to anything. You actually liked them. You actually had feelings for them, right? You actually really wanted to be there. But for some reason,

you couldn't bring up the courage to ask. You couldn't eat. You were like, no, no, this is going to ruin my image or whatever BS. and in a world like ours today, everything feels lustful. Like not even relationship things feel lustful. It's like the dreams people chase.

You know, I live in Austin. And the amount of people I've seen on the internet that want to be an Austin run club influencer and copy the lifestyle exactly, exactly, to almost no fault. It alarms me because it makes me wonder, are you copying this exact thing? Because you genuinely are like, let's go, let's do this, this is fun.

Or do you want what they have? Do you want the following? Do you want the fame? Do you want the vanity fair? Do you want to be shredded? Not healthy. Not in shape. Not run a marathon.

Do you want to look like them? Not do the things that they do. Sorry. Yeah. It's just people get in love with the ideas, the idea of who they could be. And just selfishly, they will bulldoze everything around them just to get closer to that, man. And you come to a certain point where it's like you get hurt enough, you berate yourself enough. You know, with me, it's like any time that I have had spurts of like, oh, I'm abstaining from. seeing people or I'm abstaining from watching adult material, which has been really good for me, to be fair. And I'm not perfect, bro, by any means, yeah, I wish. But like when I have those periods, dude, I'll get down on myself sometimes too and be like, man, you got no motion. You got nobody around you. And, you know, it's different when you get into a loving relationship and you always have that

backbone. But even still, it can hit your ego pretty hard. And you can feel like, man, all these people are hooking up and they have people to see after they go out to the bars. And I'm just sitting here on my couch. Most of my college experience, bro, I didn't hook up with anybody. I mean, just I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought that I was like a loser for it. But I look back and I'm like, thank goodness. Thank goodness. I could have, you know, let go a little bit and relaxed a little bit. You know, it's not that deep. I could have gone and hung out with people.

But I didn't need it. I did not need it. I was chilling. I was doing my own thing. And I'm so grateful for all of that because if I had not done that, I wouldn't have, you know, been able to work through the demons and finally have like a good relationship, you know. So it's this weird thing. It's this weird thing.

thing. And lust is a siren. What do I mean by that? Sirens in historical folklore used to be these, I don't know if you call them spirits. I guess they're their own thing, but they used to be these beautiful kind of mermaid-esque figures that would sing to sailors or travelers passing by from haunted seas or haunted lakes. And the sailor would be entranced by the singer. And the singer would be entranced by the and want to go into the water and, you know, get with the mermaid or the siren, and they would turn into a monster and eat them up, right, rip their head off or something.

And the thing about it is, it's very similar in the sense that, like, lust, when you kind of get further away from it, the cries begin to sort of get louder sometimes. Sometimes it'll make you doubt whatever you're in, especially when your needs aren't getting met. That's a huge thing. We'll think that we need to lust over something. We need to go out of our way to get something. We need to slide into somebody's DMs to, you know, that's what we're craving when in reality, you need time for yourself.

You need to be your best friend right now. You need to be in a good relationship with yourself. And that's fracturing. Fractoring? Fractoring. So you're looking for an escape. you're looking for a way out. But there is no get out.

There is no Jordan Peel moment. There is the only way through that is sitting with yourself, hearing that that is, you know, the beautiful call of the siren. La-di-da-da-da-da, right? Baby girl, what's your name? Let me talk to you. Let me buy you a drink. Yeah.

You got to hear that. Wait, I think I sang that off key completely. Baby girl, what's your name? Let me talk to you. Let me buy you a drink. Oh. Anyways. You have to go through hearing that beautiful song and then be like, I'm good.

I'm good. Let me get to the root of what's actually the problem. here. I'm not respecting my boundaries. I'm not staying focused on what matters. I'm not turning my phone off to go do homework. I'm not focusing on the people that matter in my life. And instead, I'm just doing everything except that. I'm wasting my energy chasing after some kind of fleeting validation instead of being like, yo, nah. I'm good off that. Let me sit with myself for a little bit. And this goes for like the, you know, the siren of adult material too. You know, for me, when I was at my lowest, when, you know, family guy when I was at my lowest, I was, I was using these things as like a

numbing mechanism. And it was because I believed that nobody would ever love this sack of meat. I was so messed up. I'm such a failure. I can't do anything right. This self-talk churns. It's like a churn of butter just right. And then you just consume it. You just eat it. You just tell yourself, yeah, yeah, I am a loser. Yeah, yeah, I am just like no one is. is going to love me. No one, no one's ever going to accept what I do and who I am. And all of this energy, it creates this wonderful moment for you to be susceptible to just being like, oh, I need something to take my mind out of this. And I deal with that still, man. I'm a positive guy. I'd like to think I'm an optimistic person. But with the relationship with myself,

it fluctuates. There are moments where I'm, I'm, I'm, down. I'm down bad. I'm going into a pit where I am realizing, wow, I'm just wasting time and I'm doing this. And part of it is because I am being so hard on myself. Like, bro, you're not going to do everything perfectly. You're going to mess up. Day one, you know, welcome to earth, you know, can I get you a water, right? You're going to mess up. You are going to, have moments where you believe that you are a failure more than others. It's completely normal. But these things don't need to be your numb of that. They can. But remember that it's only temporary. These things are only temporary. But doing them over time, they leave marks on you. It becomes harder.

the less you treat yourself with respect, the less you look into, why am I consuming the things I'm consuming? Why am I using time that I could spend doing, not even like anything important. It doesn't need to be, you know, something super important and super productive, you know. It could just be clipping your nails, you know.

It could be calling you. your grandparents, it could be sending a postcard to somebody, which I made a video about. Good A from London, mate. I don't know if you can see this, but I'm sending a bunch of people that I appreciate and I love, like yourself, postcards in the mail. But instead, you know, finding somebody to hook up with, having a roster, all of these things are perfect distractions. They're perfect.

They put you into this other world. they kind of, you know, you can use somebody, they can use you, and it's like, good. But you just feel so empty after it. And the emptiness is just amplified. It's because you delayed, you numbed yourself from it. And now the pain is coming back, double the intensity. You're just like, oh, the problem has been that I've been going to sleep super late. And I hate that about myself.

And I hate that I've been promising these things to all these people. And now I feel like I need to do them. and I hate that. I was supposed to apply for a scholarship and I didn't do it and I hate that. I didn't study for the SAT. And it's like,

that should have been before all of that taken out of you. You should have gave that up. You should have told me that. Same thing. Why do you think people cheat? It's a power thing, right?

But a lot of the times, too, it's a needs thing. Your needs aren't being met. you feel powerless in the relationship, right? Because somebody isn't texting you or someone's controlling or whatever. So you're like, man, screw that. I'm going to show you. I'll do whatever I want.

Instead of before all the damage is done, telling somebody, yo, I need you to chill out. I need you to stop asking for my location. Stop doing all these things. If you cannot trust me to be on my lonely, we've got a problem and maybe this isn't good for either of us. If you cannot trust me that I have a sister and I'm not going to cheat on you with her, then if you can't trust that, I won't hold it against you.

This isn't going to work, right? Okay. If you do not like, if you're asking me whose mom in my phone, this won't work having that combo first before somebody says, screw it, I'll show them. Screw it. Because that hurts the person. And it hurts you. I've very rarely met someone who's cheated that hasn't been remorseful.

Very rarely, man. I mean, if they are and they're like, who she deserved it. They're probably a sociopath. But very rarely does that happen. So be mindful about that kind of stuff, man. Because it'll tank you to. It'll tank you to.

And that's how you build like resentment and all of this. there's just bitterness and all that. But it's lust, man. It's a difficult thing. And it's a thing that you, over time, will kind of learn the patterns of. You'll learn when the siren wants to sing to you,

usually because something is missing in your life, something that you were supposed to do for yourself is missing. And you've got to pinpoint that. You got to see, okay, what's going on? Why am I getting all this emotion and this feeling that I need to escape? I need to, you know, turn on the hub. I need to do that in order to get my mind off things.

And it's not immediate. You're not going to get the answer immediately. You have to sit with yourself for a little bit. It's a signal. Okay, this is a signal. I need to wait and I really need to be like, okay, let me ask myself what's going on. And it's okay.

You're still going to, sometimes you're still going to go through with the lustful things, man, in life. We're human. We're not perfect. but the sooner you can start to think and kind of set an intention behind these things, the easier it will get, at least in my experience, that's what it's been. And I hope maybe that helps some of you. If you're trying something new Zerke's show, just know that I believe in you.

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