the zurkie show - staying quiet is why you suffer

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

don't keep things in if you're looking to get them out.sending you all love and peaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I remember walking into my bedroom after I drove home in silence from a breakup that happened at a parking garage when I was in high school. I was clawing. I was trying to be a part of this relationship. I really, really liked this girl and it was doomed from the get-go. But what was more doomed was my idea of how I was going to deal with the situation because this was a situation that had been dragged out months. It was something I should have ended in a month, but instead I dragged it out probably half a year. at the same time I had two of my friends waiting for me at my house this was kind of a meeting that happened in prompt too so you know they were over for a family get together and I was really excited to see them because I hadn't seen them in quite some time

one of the um hardest things I ever had to do was walk into a room with two of my best friends and hold back tears that were starting to form on my cheekbones right around here, right? And like kind of going down, I was trying to save as much of it as I could. You know, I didn't want them to think I was weak, but I didn't feel like I deserved for them to really, like, deal with what I was going through. Quickly, that didn't really work.

They obviously knew something was up. They asked me, yo, Zerk, what's good, man? And something's got you chopped up. And I tried to brush it off. Be like, no, nothing, man. And I don't want to talk about it. And, you know, one of my really good friends that day, he told me, he's like, dude, it's cool. Like, you can tell us what's up.

Like, I'll respect if you don't want to say what's going on, but I just want to know you're okay. And so I told him, I'm like, bro, I went through this breakup. I did all these, like, I was going through all these hoops. I tried, man. I tried to win her over. And it just didn't work. And I felt so much better after being given that, like, space to say all that stuff. Part of me, you know, my masculinity was calling me a sissy deep down.

But I was like, I threw it out of me. And I remember him telling me, he's like, Zerk, you know, I'm always going to be here for you. I'm always going to be here to listen or just to hear. you out because you can't do it all alone. Double you friend, but this threw me off. What do you mean I can't do it all alone? I literally, I was going through these things. I made so many mistakes in this situation ship that led me to this point where I am crying

in front of you, where I'm compromising my vulnerability, and I am inadvertently shifting how you're going to perceive me because I've been a certain way. I wanted to keep that certain way. That is another bag of worms. But like, what do you mean? I am not supposed to figure my things out. I feel like we are taught from a young age. If you have a problem, you need to fix it.

And that's true. If there's a problem in your life, you are the only person that's going to be able to fix it. But I think that we underestimate the meaning of friendship. I think this happens a lot in the United States. friendships are transactional. And I think what my

friend at that point was trying to tell me was that the burden, the pain, the emotions, they're meant to be shared. Yeah, I can try to process it all alone. Yeah, I can sit there and stew.

Yeah, I can hold back tears that are obviously like rolling down, you know? Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch. Steep. Flip.

Or that. And enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. But if I actually want to improve, if I want to get out of this, you can't do it all alone. There is no shame in just telling somebody how you feel. I think that we equate the idea of, expression is that of weakness that if you say that something is bad or you objectively say I'm not doing good and I really feel I feel bad that compromises

who you are your values and what you give off to other people like what you show other people but that's just like it's silly it comes down to what do you value when I think of somebody that's strong I I think of somebody who's a good problem solver, somebody who's able to express what they're going through, but they also know that they are not a victim to their emotions. They need to work through them. I've had to become more comfortable with letting people in my life take care of me. It's a big thing about being in a relationship.

You know, I, for the longest, was somebody who did not think to rely on other people. It's just not something that was an expectation in my mind. Because every relationship I had been in, I needed to take care of the other person because the other person wasn't as interested in me as I was. So I needed to plan everything out. I needed to be on top of my game because if I did not want it, it wouldn't happen.

Side note, that is not fair. If you feel that way about one of your relationships, friendships, whatever, dude, no. No, it's not fair. You having to hit them up every time to hang out, it's not fair. Them not even being willing to drive like 15 minutes to your house, not fair. It's not fair. Something's wrong.

How do we get in a good habit of being able to share our emotions, share the things that we're going through, and like be able to also let other people help us? what does that even look like? Because accepting help sometimes feels like pity. It feels like somebody is looking at you and being like, wow, what a loser, I'm going to help you.

Instead of looking at that as, wow, I'm very grateful that somebody is taking the time to help me, they must really love me, they must really respect me, they must really appreciate who I am. I think part of it is is sitting with the with the discomfort is sitting with the discomfort that you're you're not strong enough to do it all not that there is a certain level of strength where you can do it all it's just not the

case because we all have strengths and weaknesses we all have things that we're really good at some people are really good at you know not becoming emotionally aggravated over small comments other people, they take that stuff really seriously. Some people are really, really good in communicating and just being honest and up front with how they feel. Other people, they need two to three business days to kind of go through everything that went down and then explain what's going on. Your relationships and your life cannot be one-sided. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo. The online with all the latest slot and live casino games.

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For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. There has to be a give and take. I think that you should live life the way that you want to live it, and you should meet people that are like-minded in the goals and the aspirations that you have. Yes, 100%, but the idea that nobody is here to help you, everything is against you, and the only person that you can count on is yourself. You need to take that kind of ideal with a grain of salt because it might harm you more than it will do you good.

Because you cannot. You can't do it all. You can't find people who are on your team in life. That's how you build good consistency. That's how you build good memories. Sure, you know, when you watch a highlight of, you know, Ben Arfa from my OG ballers will know what I'm talking about. But when you watch like a highlight reel of somebody going through and, you know, dribbling a whole team and scoring, that's beautiful. But how many times does that really happen?

Our lives sometimes have to be a team effort. They do. Big thing for me was like going to therapy. That was weird. I always thought of myself as somebody who didn't need that. I would never need that. Until I found myself in a position where that was the only thing that was going to help me. But I took the same principle.

I can't do this all alone. I can't sit here, angry, upset at myself, doing the same thing over and over and over again, getting nowhere near where I want to be, not fixing any of my qualms that I have with myself. I can't do this and just expect things to change because they won't. You have to share what's going on. You have to express it. You can't keep things in. That is one of the worst habits I've had to overcome.

Because when you let things build up over time, when you think that you are the only person that is dealing with hard times, you are the only person that is dealing with what you're dealing with, your energy will build up in such a way that it can lead you into some very one very dark places in your mind but it will also cause you to cope in some very unhealthy ways we can look at sharing hardship

especially like amongst men as something that cissies do and something that is you know not manly or we can look at it as progress as taking a step to going somewhere that matters because I understand I think that sharing emotions

gets conflated with complaining and it wasn't that I was complaining because I understood what the situation was this girl didn't like me that was fine but where I think my pain was coming from was the fact that I had sold myself

the idea that she would be in my life and that I would win I wanted to win and I didn't and I didn't and I wanted to do it all but you can't do it all you can't I wanted to be

the ideal boyfriend for her so the guy that she was with she would look at him and be like oh no I'm going to this one but you can't do it all you can't do it all in communities across Canada hourly Amazon employees earn an average

of over $24.50 an hour. Employees also have the opportunity to grow their skills and their paycheck by enrolling in free skills training programs for in-demand fields like software development and information technology. Learn more at aboutamazon.ca. Maybe you don't need to talk to somebody. Maybe you don't need to go into detail about what's going on. Maybe you just need to be like, I'm going through something right now, man.

I just need like some extra time. It'd be nice to go for a walk, dude. It'd be nice to go hang out somewhere. You know, I don't need to hear about this thing that's going on, this drama. Like, I'd like to tell you what's going on in my life. I have a lot of conversations with people. And sometimes, like, you know, I've talked about this before, but some people are just bad question askers and they'll go on about themselves. There will be moments where you have to speak.

up and you will have to tell somebody, hey, I need like five minutes. Can you hear me out for five minutes? Because this is frustrating me. And then let's get back into action. That's perfectly normal. It's perfectly valid. And if you're someone that sees one of your friends going through something, dealing with something, you're got to recognize that they're not going to be able to do everything alone. Now, does that mean that you go and you pressure them and, you know, you, you pry information from them? No, not at all.

Be respectful of people. If somebody doesn't want to share what's going on, you do not pry them. But if you see that they're willing to give and they're just waiting on somebody to ask, be the person to ask, man, take care of each other. Because what my friend did there was he noticed that there was a problem and he wanted to solve it. he just wanted to be there for me. And that spoke volumes about his character and just about our relationship that he felt he could do that and he could be that person for me.

It was unreal. But you can't, you can't do it all alone. Like you cannot do it all. You need, you need a support system. You need people that are going to look out for you. You need mentors. You need friends. the lone wolf

the lone wolf will always yearn for a pack deep down sure it's romanticized it's cool to be on your own not have anyone that's you know checking in on you because you're strong and you're chilling but that's not that's just

not a way to live in my opinion I don't think that's a way to live you can be cryptic you don't have to share everything with everybody I don't share everything with everybody because most things I can deal with I can I can go through and I have good outlets to take care of those things. But there is a point where I need help.

And I'm willing to say that. And I don't look at it as weakness. I want to. Everything in my body is screaming at me and going, oh, it's against your idea of masculinity, which has been created off of this. So it's flawed. It's insanely flawed. and the people that I've looked up to,

hypocritical, a lot of them, just being real. So I guess I'm on my own road discovering what masculinity means to me, and I think that being open and being able to open up isn't even a masculine thing, it's just a human thing. We need to be able to be vulnerable

to see each other eye to eye. I think it's another thing we deal with now. Like, everybody is, you know, grouped up into aesthetics, into interests, but like we cannot do it all alone. We can't. We got to find, we got to figure it out together. We got to do things together.

I don't know, Zerke's show. I think there's a saying, right, that a problem shared is a problem halved or something, something along those lines. And I used to think that was the stupidest saying, because I'm like, you have no idea what I go through. You have no idea what's going on in my Nogget. It's like the SpongeBob meme where all the files are on fire. Everyone's running around. That's what's going on in my brain.

But I kind of get it now. When I started to open up about some of the more traumatic things in my life, it was so astonishing to see how many people around me had gone through similar things or gone through things that were like eerily the same as what I had gone through. I think that this is a proof and concept. Like what I'm talking about, you've probably gone through yourself in some kind of capacity. It's a, it's just, it's a prime example that, like,

you are not living this life completely solo. You're not doing things that have never been done before. Sure, the way that you are experiencing this existence and this life is unique to you, and it will not be repeated. But to think that people have not had the same problems and the same, you know, qualms as you and they haven't figured it out,

I think it's foolish. I just don't think it's true. But the more that you hold things in, the more that you think, no, this is just a me problem. No, no, nobody would get this. The less you're going to be able to experience the world around you for what it is, which is a mirror.

The less able you're going to be to meet people who've gone through the same struggles and they hold the keys to some of the solutions. You're shutting the door and you're keeping the door shut. You can't do it all. No great team, no great business,

no great tribe has ever done everything alone. You have to share. And in a day and age where keeping your emotions is deemed, I don't know, I think it's romanticized a little bit, letting go of a claim of these being your emotions and nobody can understand them

and being open to how can I just better deal with what's going on? Can other people kind of give me some insight? Like, what's going on? I think it can teach you more about yourself than you would ever imagine Zirky Show. Today's episode of The Zirky Show was filmed in beautiful Austin, Texas. As the sun sets on the skyline,

if you're ever in Texas, come visit Austin, it's beautiful. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, these are the best ways to tap in.

Do the things that bring you joy and push yourself a little bit. Today, I had one of the most lazy days of my life, but I still told myself I have something I want to do. I'm going to do it. Am I tired? Of course. Do I wish that I was, you know, munching on a triple dipper right now for $60? No, but I still went out and did what I wanted to do. And Zirki Show, that sometimes that push will lead you to places you would have never found before. I made it to this

location. This is beautiful. I'm glad I did it. If you're trying something new, just know, I believe in you. And Zirky Show, as always, I am sending you lots. of love and... Check this out. You think it's... Oh, you can actually go down here. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Peace.