the zurkie show - stop ignoring yourself

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

just hear yourself out, that's the key to listening to others.don't ignore the way you feel, embrace it and seek out a reason for it.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I think people like to talk more than they listen, and I think it's a problem. I think people like to think that they know what's going on, but they have no clue because they are actually not paying attention to what somebody is telling them. There have been so many cases where I explicitly told the other person how I felt, and they were like, oh, cool. Oh, that's what's up. No, that's not what's up. I'm suffering. I'm in pain, man. Help me. Help! Help! I think listening is an underrated skill. It's actually a skill that you need to develop and you need to practice. If you want to build connections with people, if you want to feel like you are a part of something, a part of humanity,

long story short, you should listen. And you should especially listen in a disagreement. So many times I have been in a fight with a bestie. She's my best friend. I've been in a fight with my girlfriend. friend. And I just blindly believed that the point of view that I had was the right one. And that was that. Man, growing up, I'm sure many of you have had disagreements with your family that feel totalitarian. It's like they are the regime and there's no change. I'd like to vote my parents out.

You know, there's no change. It's just whatever they say goes. And it's annoying. And I remember there were a lot of instances when I was younger where I had friends that just would not listen. They would not listen. Everything I did was wrong. Everything I did was in the veil of trying to get at them or against them. And it's like, no, man, listen to me. I'm trying to look out for you. The reason I'm telling you to not get back with your ex, the reason I'm telling you to stop sabotaging yourself is because I care.

That's a hard thing to do. listening is important because it's what you can control. It's something that you can do. And it's something that makes you pay more attention and be more present. And in a day and age where being present is like the last gift that we have, it's so important that you do actually listen to the words that come out of somebody else's mouth. It's important that you listen to perspectives that challenge yours. And we don't do that enough because listening is uncomfortable.

It's not a comfortable thing to do. It's honestly really, it's ego-shattering. You have a perception that you're being a good partner. You have a perception that you're being a good friend. And all of a sudden, someone's like, hey, you're dropping the ball. I actually think that you're being really disrespectful. It's like, what? Where is this coming from?

So how do you become a better listener? And how are you able to take the moments that are really the hardest in life, which is when somebody you love tells you, hey, you're not doing enough or you're not doing good enough, how you actually turn it into something that will benefit your life? The first step, I think, is realizing that the words that are said, oftentimes, are not directly a reflection of you. It's somebody's perception of you. It's somebody who is doing the best they can to explain the way they feel. And sometimes you're collateral.

That's just what it is. Man, if I held everything that people have said against me, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, bro. I would not. And famously, I didn't. There was a point in time where, you know, I had some friendships that kind of combusted. I don't know if you've had this happen

when you're in a friend group and then all of a sudden everyone starts dating each other and then it's just a ticking a ticking time bomb it's uh it's rough right well i've had plenty of that happened in my life and i had an instance where people were throwing each other under the bus and saying really hurtful things about each other and i felt hurt i felt really hurt but i listened I listened. I saw it as constructive criticism. I saw it as, okay, like the words that are being said, they're not really about me. People are upset and they're angry and they're taking it out on me.

But I have to be very careful as to what I listen. Because sometimes people will just say things to get under your skin. Sometimes people will say things to just be rude. That exists. Like not everyone is kind, sadly. I try to be a kind person I try to do the right thing man but not everyone does and

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Keep exploring at nespresso.com. Know that some of the words that are being said about you aren't a reflection of who you are. Sure, it's somebody's perception, but that doesn't have to be the truth. You are not defined by the perceptions of other people. You're just not. you're defined by the perception of how you view yourself that's the only thing that really matters

and if somebody is misjudging your character and making you seem like a villain let it go let it go you should listen but you shouldn't listen to everything okay we've we've weved out the things we don't want to listen to like the person that's just a hater to be a hater now we want to be a listener. Where do we start, Zerki? I think you can be a better listener by being more quiet. Genuinely, by being more quiet and letting people talk. I'm somebody who likes to yap. I got a big mouth, you know. But I also recognize the importance of silence, and I also recognize the power of just letting somebody speak their mind. You'd be surprised. if you asked the questions that you wanted somebody to ask you and let somebody truly unravel

their ball of yarn of information and you genuinely tried to just soak it in find things to relate to with the other person that's listening that's listening maybe this is like kind of a selfish take but you know I've been very open about this I view conversations as an exchange of information I always try to go into a conversation learning something, whether that's about another person, whether that's about myself, and ideally it's both. Take things that people are telling you and try to relate them to your own life. That's how you build connection with people. And being able to transplant your mind into somebody else's brain and to somebody else's way of thinking is so powerful. That's honestly the way that you listen.

It shows that you listen. If you want to listen more and to be better at conversation and to build better lasting relationships, you have to show your listening. You have to be an active listener. Ask follow-up questions. You know, asking somebody, where are you from is good, but asking them what it was like to grow up in the place they grew up with is better. What would you want someone to ask you? Okay. Ask that.

And listen. Listening is also, it's contextual. It is. Moving past talking to people, being able to listen to people that give you advice, you've got to be careful with it because not all advice is created equal. You know, I just mentioned some people will say rude things about you. Some people will give you really bad advice. always look at where the advice is coming from.

I had a really good professor when I was at Georgia who taught a music business class and it was about people who made it in the music industry and had all of these different hits and were making a lot of money playing music, you know? And something that I found so interesting is he talked about, you know, oftentimes advice that comes from people

who are very successful is very new. And you should seek advice from those who aren't as successful because those who fail a lot They learn a lot most of them. It depends on their perspective on things, right? A lot of people fail epically and they hold a lot of resentment, but There is so much merit in listening to perspectives That haven't achieved success as much as there is merit in listening to the perspectives that have achieved success. I I think it's so important that you have an open mind to listening to all kinds of information and all kinds, you know, of advice, especially if you're young. But just know that, like, everyone is living this life for the first time.

Everyone is going through this life playthrough for the first time. And most of us don't know what we're doing. We don't. There's more to life than finding the perfect car. But finding the perfect car can help you get the most out of life. Like the SUV that handles everything from drop off to off road, and the car that hulls groceries and hockey teams, or the van that's gone from just practical to practically family.

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How do you want to live it? And does the perspective of the person who's giving you this advice, does it match up with the life that you want to live, with the way that you think about life? Pick and choose. You can listen to a variety of different perspectives. I honestly urge you to do that. Get advice from your mom.

Get advice from your sister. Get advice from your brother. Get advice from your teacher. Get advice from your friend. That's a little nonchalant and where's a lot of Rick Owens? Get advice from everybody. Pick and choose.

What speaks to you? What resonates with you? That's a question. you got to ask yourself. I think that leads me into the next thing, which is you should listen to yourself. You should listen to yourself. We don't do this.

We don't do this because oftentimes we run from the way that we feel. We feel pain. We feel suffering. We don't feel worthy. We don't feel loved. We run away from it. We don't want to address that. Instead, what we'll do is we'll find something to pass the time.

We'll talk to people. We'll be like, this is what's going on. We'll feel like a victim because we are. Everyone's a victim. Everyone's dealing with things, bro. We all have our own struggles. Some more than other. It's a spectrum.

But I think a lot of our suffering comes from the fact that we ignore our own needs. And we don't listen to how we actually feel. and instead we go to other people and we try to find pity. A lot of the times when I was unleashing my ungrateful sandwich, it was for somebody else to eat. It wasn't for me to digest. When I started to be a little bit more introspective and be a little more quiet, that's when I realized, wait a minute, I know what I need.

I've known what I needed this whole time. I should listen. I remember there's a distinct memory where, funny enough, I was driving home from the infamous $60 Chili's Day in the car. And I kind of had this realization that I wasn't listening to my needs at all. I had invested a lot of time and a lot of my identity into this short thing that I had. right? And the $60 Chili's Day was kind of like the epitome of that. It was when everything kind of combusted in my face. And I was like, what did I just do? How did I just do that?

Why did I do that? But I drove an hour to go on this date, by the way. This wasn't like a, oh, let's go to Chili's five minutes from my house. It was an hour away. But genuinely, I kind of sat in silence towards the end of the ride. But I remember having this thought. that I'm like, I don't want to date right now. I don't want to. Honestly, I just kind of want to chill. And I want to work on stuff that inspires me, and I want to stay focused in my career.

I'm not really interested on dating. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Going on dates is awesome. I've been on a lot of dates. Trust me, did it. I've done that a lot. Coffee, date meta, is the way. But I was kind of just like, dude, I think I'm performing.

I think I'm doing this because this is what I feel like I need to do when in reality I don't want to do this. I don't really care to do this. Like, it's whatever. And that was the first time that I listened. I actually listened and I actually thought to myself. I'm like, okay, I don't want to go on dates anymore. What would this look like? Like what would a reality where my self-worth doesn't come from the fact that I have a date this weekend?

It comes from the fact that I'm spending time with myself. What would that look like? And I didn't have an answer. And that was okay because I listened. Frozen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo.

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to grow their skills and their paycheck by enrolling in free skills training programs for in-demand fields like software development and information technology. Learn more at aboutamazon.ca. And that started a conversation that dominoed into me becoming more serious about the habits that I had in my own life and becoming more serious with what I do, which is ding, ding, ding, right here, Zirky Show famously. What feeling are you avoiding?

What feeling are you burying deep inside you? because you're kind of ashamed to admit that it's true. That's your roadblock right now. That's the thing that's sitting in front of the way of you feeling a little bit more free and a little more okay. Oftentimes that's what it is. And it's just us not being genuine with what's going on because it's embarrassing.

It is. It's embarrassing to say that you're lonely at a new college because there's so many people. Yeah, but you should listen to how you feel. if you feel embarrassed, if you feel bad about it, just listen to that feeling. Stop pushing it down being like, no, no, this isn't valid. Like, I'll figure it out. Asking the question why is incredibly important.

Getting to the root of things. In the same way that you get to the root of someone who's like, yeah, my relationship. just like, you know, I love my boyfriend, but. It's like, what, but? What do you mean? Dude, usually when someone says I love my boyfriend, but they unleash the craziest, like, but I really find it insufferable that he likes anime. And it's like, you should have known about that before you started dating.

Because anime Big W famously, but, yeah. And a roundabout way, I think being a better listener, being a better listener, being somebody who genuinely appreciates the human connections that you make in your life, it comes from being a good listener with yourself. It really does. It always comes from you. And I get it. Like, I'm somebody who, honestly, I'm not the first person to share stuff about my life unless somebody asks me. I really am not. I like learning about other people. And sometimes I've steamrolled people in conversation because I'm like, oh, I need to, I need them to, to tell me everything about them. I don't want them to know about me. But it's a two-way street.

It's a give or take. You can't expect to build good relationships in your life if you're not going to put in the work and share about yourself, bro. Oh, but nobody asked. Bro, yes, they did. Yes, they did. Honestly, they're just waiting for you to tell them the lore. We need the lore dump. Like, what's going on with you? Why have you felt like you can't go and hang out with people? Is it because you don't feel worthy? Because you feel like you need to be grinding. Is it because you feel kind of ashamed of the fact that you had a thing with somebody in the friend group and it fell apart?

Like, what's up? What's going on? Bro, confined in people. Express yourself. And when somebody is expressing themselves, listen. Listen. When you're in a argument with your best friend, and he's telling you, hey, you don't text me back ever.

I don't want to have this friendship. You're disrespecting me in real time. You should listen. You should listen. That's a moment where ego goes out the door, and you got to really look and recognize, am I doing something wrong? And if you are, you got to listen.

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I think it's always a war with your ego. It's always a war with the perception of what other people think of you. That's a scary thing, man. Because people, I don't think, understand how much they can lose from just being a little bit egotistical about who they think they are. You're peacocking. You're trying to be somebody you're not. And it's just not worth it.

It's never worth it. I spent a good chunk of my adolescence trying to chase after the things that I thought people wanted of me until I realized that I got to just listen to what I want. That's really what matters. Oh, you would be great in corporate. Oh, you got to, what are you doing? Don't, why are you not taking this dream internship? No, you got to, you got to do it. This is what life is about. Your life is so uncertain. Why would you do that? Life will always be uncertain, bro. Life will always be uncertain. It will. That's the one thing I've learned. It's even if you have stability. It's uncertain. You never know. And what was telling me to take a risk was my soul. Was my soul. And I'm so incredibly

grateful that I listened. I said, all right, I'm going to do something unconventional. I'm going to take a risk. I'm going to move to Austin, Texas, right after I graduate. I don't know anybody there. Yeah, but I'll figure it out. You should listen. You should listen to that crazy idea. to that crazy thought, you should listen to that gut feeling that's telling you to ask out that girl in your class, even though optically it'd be kind of odd. She's very different than me. You should listen, Zerky Show. Because if you don't listen, somebody will dictate your life for you. If you don't listen, you will never truly know what you could have done. If you just focused on the way you felt and acted in accordance with who you are. And in my

opinion, it's better to know the decisions that you make are yours and they matter to you, then feel hopeless and lost in a world where already a lot of things are decided without us. Today's episode of The Zirky Show is filmed in beautiful Corpus Christi, Texas. On the coast, man, isn't this gorgeous? Whoa. If you're ever in Texas, come down to Corpus. It's really beautiful. Did you know the Zirky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it. The choice is yours. So if you want to tap in, tap in.

Do the things that bring you joy. Let's go to the beach, beach, let's go get away. They say what they're going to say. Famously, tell that friend that you haven't talked to in a few months, that you appreciate them, tell them that you're sorry for not keeping up with them regularly, that you've been kind of in your head recently. It's okay.

We all go through that. Communicate that. And listen to what they have to say. say, listen to what they've been up to. You'll be really happy you did so. Other than that, Zirky Show, just know things are going to be okay, even in the grimest of days.

And other than that, as always, I am sending you lots of love and peace.