the zurkie show - stop replaying it in your head

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

don't get caught in the stew.we have emotions to experience them, not to build narratives against ourselves and others.I hope you choose wisely.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

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Picture them, ask myself, where are they now, maybe do a little bit of stalking, just so I could feel the spite, just so I could remember that feeling of how wrong I was done. But it's lame. It gets to a point where it actually starts affecting your day. day to day life and like right now I'm not going to lie to you I'm suffering you know let's talk about sadness let's talk about anger when do you know if you're actually going through those emotions which is something as a human being you will have to do at one point in your life and when are you ruminating big word the word is rumination can you use it in a sentence of course course. Rumination is when you begin to sit, add to a score sheet, things that are bad, negative emotions. And instead of, you know, digesting them, you cough it back up and you tell

yourself, you know what? No, give me this back in, right? And it goes right back into your system and you just build a bigger case for how people have done you wrong or for a certain situation. For example, let's say you're in a relationship with somebody, right? I know, crazy hypothetical. Who wants me, right? But you know what? Everyone's lovable and you're lovable, and one day you will experience this. It's only a matter of time.

Let's say you're in a relationship and things are starting to go sour between you too. There's a lack of communication one, two. Maybe the other person is realizing they've kind of gone a little too deep. And they've made a mistake. They don't want to be with you. It's not that you're a bad person. It's not that they hate you. It's just they're not interested anymore.

So they come to you and they address you and they say, listen, I think we should be friends. And you feel that dagger pierced through your chest and it makes you feel like, oh, what do you mean? We were going on great dates. You know, I took you to Maggiano's. We got a fetichini Alfredo together. I even, I took the lead and I asked the server to stop. grating the parmesan cheese for you. You know, I felt like a man or a woman or whoever, right?

You're at a position now where you're just like, dang, this sucks. Rumination is when you begin to build on top of this. So it's not just enough that, you know what, I'm going to take this for face value. You just were not meant to be. That's cool. Like, I got my life to live. ruminating is when you go down the following thought pattern. Wow.

I guess she never liked me. And if she never liked me, then has anyone in my life liked me? Has anyone been telling me the truth? And you know what? From the first date, I noticed she was a little bit hesitant to go to a certain place with me

or to text me back. So it was always there, and I'm just an idiot. How did I not notice this? I should have known right off the bat. This was never going to work. And somehow I sat there. twiddling my thumbs. You know what? This is terrible. I hate this person. I hate the fact that

now they're in my friend group. They've infiltrated it and I have to, you know, interact with them every day. This is terrible. You know what? No, this is absolutely dreadful. And you know, what they did was kind of messed up. Instead of texting me, I wish they called me. I wish they, you know, reached out to me. Are you ruminating? Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. You're building a huge block of evidence of things that went wrong. And it's okay. You can reflect on things. I do it all the time. But I also have found myself ruminating and adding assumptions to things that objectively happened. Now, of course, we as human beings want to have an explanation for everything. We need some kind of explanation. And sometimes when we get that explanation, we even don't agree with it,

right? And we find another one and try to, you know, get a bunch of evidence. It's the same thing with you're going through your personal life. You're going to try to spin different things. And in different ways and if I'm honest, you have to get used to digesting things that happen without an explanation. Sometimes people will just leave you because they leave you. There's not even anything you could have done. It's just they don't want to be with you and it's as simple as that. Sometimes you'll be, you know, in a friendship that grows stale and they just don't want it. They don't see themselves talking to you anymore. It's not that they hate you. It's not that you. It's not you're a terrible person and nobody loves you on this planet no it's just it ain't working for them

and why hold so much energy and so much like despair against somebody when that that is just wasted wasted it's gone it's gone it's it's not used for anything good you know what else you can ruminate on you can ruminate on your own life oh my goodness You can cry yourself a river about how many opportunities you've missed, how many people you've fumbled, relationships and friendships, how you've soured a good thing with somebody because you were lustful because you thought in your mind that you need better. They're not good enough, even though they loved you. It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell.

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What are these emotions for? Because emotions are meant to be digested. These are all things that you should go through, be like I'm sad about this. This is frustrating that they broke up with me. This is frustrating that I didn't get my dream college, my dream job. It's frustrating that I'm going into a world

where going on a date is like over $100. It's frustrating that I have to pay everywhere I go park. It's frustrating that, you know, all of a sudden the world is deciding to just like combust right when I'm supposed to be an adult and have a fire, Frutiger-Aro themed apartment. And I can't even afford that apartment, so I gotta live with my parents.

yeah, it's frustrating. You need to feel that. But those are individual things, individual emotions. And when you ruminate, you clump it together. And then you know what happens with rumination? This is really the worst part, in my opinion. It becomes the lens that you screw on to your entire worldview. You've ever talked to somebody where you literally just want to say who hurt you

because of how they're speaking about things. This happens a lot with certain people I've met, especially on their views about the opposite gender. Their dating has gone terribly poor. So they hate all of one gender. They hate all of one kind of person. It's rumination. You haven't actually gone through these feelings.

You kind of just did the cop out of building onto it and being like, no, I'm cool. No, I don't need to focus on that stuff. who cares? And although in the moment, I will say, building this kind of rumination can really do well for you in terms of giving you motivation.

Like, I'm going to be the one to say it. Doing something out of spite, something good for yourself, out of spite of somebody else, that sometimes gets the ball moving. 100%. The reason I got into shape, right? I did it like with one finger.

like it was like a caterpillar shape when I was in high school was because an ex called me fat and ugly famously and that was easy what was hard was actually keeping that a stable thing in my life that I could do every day because once I realized that she she didn't care she didn't care that's not a person that's opinion mattered really I didn't have anyone to do it for or against I didn't have that. So instead I had to turn inward and be like, well, do I want this? And I still had so many self-limiting beliefs. I still was like, no, I'm pathetic.

I'm a loser, all this stuff. And that led me to just spiraling back into bad habits. It's the same thing with your rumination, man. Man, are you ruminating? Be honest with me now. Are you sitting in a narrative you're spinning for yourself? or are you genuinely sad? Are you genuinely upset?

Because you're allowed to do, you're allowed to feel that. You know, people talk about feel your feelings, but rarely do they talk about how you do that. For me, you know how I feel my feelings? Dude, I go on drives. Maybe I'll shed some tears to some music that reminds me of somebody or something. All right.

That's how I feel my feelings. I'll sit in silence. It's a good way of really, like, the chatter becomes the loudest. it becomes a conversation. And that's the thing. You don't want your mind to just be chattering. And you want to be like, no, no, no.

You kind of need to welcome just that conversation. Dang, am I living this to the fullest? Dang, I had this opportunity with my uncle's landscaping company. And I just kind of blew it off. I could have really learned a lot. Is that right? No, it's not. I should have really cherished that.

And I didn't. I didn't. I squandered it. Okay. I'm not going to ruminate in that. I'm not going to sit there and be like, wow, this is a prime example, how I'm terrible, and how everything is bad.

I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to make sure that that never happens again. Rumination is especially difficult when it comes to relationships, though. Because we're so good at creating, funny enough, the reality we want to see. This is like we are, all stars in this field. Prime Barcelona, you know, Pep Guardiola Barcelona in terms of being able to

delude yourself and seeing that in your reality. I believe that your reality is a mirror of how you think. A hundred percent. Don't get me wrong. There's obviously terrible things that are happening literally right now that isn't just like, well, you know, it's good, right? Not really. But in terms of your own reality and how you interact with people, the world around you, it is reflective on how you think. And the danger lies in the fact that when you start to ruminate, when you start to build this kind of bank of things that someone did wrong to you or man, you know, they're not inviting me as much and you're holding a standard onto somebody else that really you would never hold even onto like a best friend or onto yourself, you see that person in that lens. Happens a lot. It happens a lot

with, you know, people resenting their parents and ruminating about the feelings of their parents. Like, you've got two options here. You either have a conversation about it and you confront them, and that's how you make peace with it. And if you cannot do that because you know how it will go or, you know, and you're honest about it,

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You have to kind of come to peace with it and be like this is not, this is not something I have to keep ruminating over. It's taken up space in my brain. Like, you know, before you had cloud storage, you only had a couple hundred gigabytes on your phone, right? And you had to delete your favorite apps. There goes Flappy Bird, there goes, you know, subway surfers, jetpack joyride. Dang it, man.

I beat the whole game and now it's gone. Angry Birds gone. It's the same thing with your brain. You think you can handle all of this? And especially if you're someone that wants to do more or progress, right, and actually feel good about your life. You think you're going to hold on to all the people that did you wrong and build this Kaysenat-style hater wall in your mind of all the negative comments.

Like, it's funny to look back at those things and be like, oh, I remember when someone said this about me. But ruminating in that and just being like, Like, yeah, oh my gosh, this is terrible. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. This is destructive. It's more destructive than it is a positive for you. So make the choice.

Make the choice to notice where the negativity is coming from. It's a sponge. You got to squeeze it out and you got to see the color of the water. I don't know if you've seen those sponge videos on like a short form, you know, shorts and stuff and a reels. There's always like some kind of, you know, people will like squeeze different sponges and it'll be, it'll be like a voiceover that says, what color is this? And it'll be like, oh, you know, blue. Oh, man, you know, the goal I think in your life is not to be happy. It's to be at peace. Those are two very different things. When I've tried to search for happiness, I always was let down. I always was led astray

Or I would receive what was deemed happy by other people A lifestyle A hookup, whatever And it would just, it would not fill the bucket What brings you peace Is that that is what I think this life is worth Figuring out and living for Because man, I mean like happiness is an emotion

And it's something that You're going to experience just like sadness And I think something I've realized is that it's equal. I don't want to be happy all the time. I want happiness and I want sadness. I want to feel, you know, I want to feel the tears when I'm listening to a song that reminds me of a period of my life where I was a lot more naive and a lot more innocent. I want that. I want to feel this weird twinge when I watch a backroom's video, which I see the movies coming out.

It looks great. Shout out Kane Pexels one time. But like, I want to feel these things. That's what this is about. And it goes both ways. It's like you shouldn't ruminate, I think, in happiness as well, which I think rumination has always been attributed to like negative emotions. But also like always just kind of diluting yourself into happiness is not productive either.

It's really not. It can get addicting. And then you'll feel like, oh, I just. I need to be happy if I'm not uncomfortable, then if I am uncomfortable, sorry, then that means I'm not happy and my life isn't good. And happiness can also be a force that is tricky to navigate. And you might not even know if what you're doing is making you happy or it is keeping up an image to other people that you're happy. Do you like Pilates or do you like it because your friends like Pilates, right? that that kind of circles back but main thing rumination holding on to things that happened to you

in the past that no one remembers what's up no you're good what's up schlaug gizmo giz hi giz how are you anyways zirky show don't walk around with a giant cloud over your head um if you need to feel sad do it. Don't keep building stuff against someone else. And stop stirring the stew. The more that you add of like, oh my good, this is why my life sucks. And this is why, like, you know, I can't do anything right. And every X that has told me that I'm controlling and a terrible person or that I'm like too attached, like, they're right.

They're absolutely right. And you know what? Maybe I am a terrible person. And you know what? Maybe I don't deserve any love. You're just accelerating. the rate of the stew. You got to starve it.

Things suck right now. Okay. Okay. Fact. They suck right now. I feel upset. That's it. I feel upset.

All right. Let's move on. Let's keep going. I feel reminded by their presence when I hear this song. Okay. Maybe don't skip the song. Maybe listen to it. Maybe, like, feel the kind of weird tingle that, like, shoot.

Something about music does it to me, man. Like, it just brings you back, like a smell, too. I don't know if you've had, had this experience. But I was, when I was in South Padre, I got a whiff of my grandma. Pause. That's, that is not even in a pause sense, but that's very interesting. I got a whiff of my grandma. My grandma has passed away, and she's been,

away for a year now. But it was like a just a complete, whoa, shocker. I don't know. Some people talk about phantom whiffs, and, you know, your smell is a huge part of how you remember things, funny enough, and memories. I'm sure you can attribute certain smells. Like, for example, if you're from the States, you know Auntie Annes, right, when you go to a mall, because it's just they're wafting that pretzel in the air.

like you can attribute that smell to not only auntie annes but also to like the mall experience i kind of had to to sit there and go through that the same way i do with music like sometimes i have to sit there and reclaim that memory of that person through that song or reclaim like an event that really sucked through remembering it and and retelling it it's not something you know you go and trauma dump on people but like it's it's something you kind of have to address you know that one uh that one gift that people comment where it's like the elephant and it's like address me that's you got to do that you got to rip that man and if you are ruminating you can't it takes away from that takes away from that you don't address the elephant in the

room instead you keep accelerating your your little stew that you're cooking and this stew is is shouldering hot and it's burning any kind of chance of you actually going and and Digesting these emotions so instead you keep cooking the stew you keep adding different stuff because the stew will never be finished They'll never be finished. It'll only get bigger and bigger and bigger and you're gonna need a cauldron like in the medieval times But you have no one to serve it to well actually you do if you take it out on somebody if you spew everything that you've been cooking up with a narrative with no basis and you're just like, ah, you did this to me and you did this because of this reason. Instead of actually going into a conversation being like, hey, this thing happened when we were together or this thing happened in our friendship, I don't feel comfortable about it.

I don't feel good about it. And I want to like talk about this. And I'd love to understand where you were coming from because I felt very hurt by it. Hear me out, right? But rarely do people do that. So it's your choice. Zerky show. I'm just telling you, the rumination stew is not being served any time soon.

Today's episode of The Zirkees show was filmed in beautiful Austin, Texas, at Zilker Park right here behind me. It's actually South by Southwest right now, a very, very important event that comes to Austin every year. It's kind of like a conference. You got film, you got teachers, you got tech. It's really, really cool. If you have a chance one day, you should definitely come out and check out Austin. Did you know that the Zirkees show is everywhere you go? That is correct.

You can watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it, the choice is yours if you want to tap in. These are the best ways to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Wear your favorite footie shirt, all right? Little Palermo, Seba. If you can, you know. Even if it doesn't match the fit.

You know, I got like a bloke core. I got jeans on or whatever, but you know what? I'm rocking it. Who cares? It's a nice green. Matches the eye color. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you, Zerki Show.

So, man, get out, stay fit, eat well, and make friends and talk to people, have conversations, talk about things that are happening, current events, talk about history, talk about how you can work with each other and keep it alive, make it feel like you're actually a part of something because we're going to need that more and more. As you see what's happening, we're going to need it way more and more. If you're trying something new, again, know that I believe in you. And as always, Zirky Show, I'm sending you lots of love. And...

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