the zurkie show - stop running from what you did

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

be someone that you'd want to respect.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I upset one of my best friends when I led her on, and I knowingly did it. At the time, I convinced myself this wasn't the case. At the time, I convinced myself that she knew. It's just that she chose to spend those extra couple of hours with me every day over the summer in my room, hanging out. I know she was looking for more. I convinced myself I was emotionally unavailable for that. and so she said I needed a break and she didn't talk to me for a good few years. It's weird when you see somebody that you hurt and you see how they change and you realize that

the reason that they are the way they are is because it's your fault, the guilt, the shame, the embarrassment. How could I have done this to another person? How could have you inflicted so much pain onto somebody who you had no idea you were affecting? You just were doing the best you could. The truth is, sometimes we are going to hurt people and we will have no idea that we are hurting them. And although it is your fault in a roundabout way, it doesn't mean that you should feel bad. But mistakes are inevitable.

You are going to play with people's feelings, even if you had no idea that you did it. But I think where fault is at play is when you deep down know you're doing something wrong. Maybe you don't know what it is, but there is something about the way in which you are interacting with somebody that makes you feel guilty. And that is a hard thing to deal with. We probably hurt people more than we'd like to admit. it's one thing when we get hurt ourselves, but it's interesting when you interact with somebody that maybe you don't respect as much, maybe you don't think of as highly as you do other people in your circle. It's odd how your character sometimes creates these loopholes to make you act in a way that is honestly terrible.

The way I treated my friend in that scenario was bad. shouldn't have let her on the way I did, but there was something within our dynamic that seemed like, well, they know what they're getting themselves into. Did I make it clear that I didn't want anything? Not really, and that's my fault. I should have. Well, but she didn't ask me. That's where initiative comes into play. Oftentimes, things are our fault when we don't take initiative. When we're not observant, when we assume that the, we assume the least responsibility for whatever is going on. I think that's wrong. I think you need to take accountability. If you know you're leading somebody on, you need to address their feelings. You need to talk to

them. You need to be open about the fact you don't feel the same way because, yes, you didn't ask for them to like you. Yes, you don't owe them anything. But I think that when something is your fault and you realize the pain that you've inflicted on somebody, you realize the power of empathy. Being empathetic towards somebody, understanding that, dude, the way that you act, the way that you interact with people, it affects them. Doesn't mean that you should change the way you are. You should be the way you are. You should still interact with the world in the same way, but you might need to just be cautious. A big thing that was my fault was over-promising.

I'm the king of over-promising. I do it less nowadays, but I still do it. Oh, believe me, I still do it. Because I think in my mind that I am living as the idealized version of myself, when in reality I'm human. And although, yes, I would like to respond to your text that you texted me two weeks ago, when I get back home, it's the last thing I'm thinking about. Yeah, I would like to run that marathon in November, but I'm not going to practice every single day.

It's hard to admit that I can't do something, at least for me. I don't know how you feel. So I commit to it. And then when the time comes, I have to flake because I haven't prepared, because I haven't done what I was supposed to do. And it's my fault. It's my fault. What is your fault? what have you done to somebody else to yourself that you're not happy with that you know is not the right thing to do

maybe it's something as simple as telling you know your parents you're going to call them while you're in college and you don't maybe it's something as complex as telling a friend over the phone that you'll hit them up when deep down in the back of your mind you know if you had the option and never speak to them again you wouldn't what are you at fault for it's hard to say you can't resolve everything you can't be perfect you can't have the cleanest of clean records right you're always going to do something wrong it's it's kind of the way life goes and that's a beautiful thing because the more mistakes you make the more opportunity you have to learn. And in a world where mistakes are seemingly penalized, you know, being cringe

is penalized by a camera in your face and you becoming the talk of a forum, it's hard to really understand what's our fault and what isn't. In a lot of situations, we like to point blame. We like to point the finger at the person who treated us poorly, the person who, you know, said that it was okay to be in a situation ship, and they agreed to it. And that was at their own risk. They knew what they were getting themselves into. But also, you knew you were using them. So it is your fault.

You knew. It wasn't like you didn't. It's like, oh, I had no idea. You knew. That's where the guilt comes from, is that you know you're doing something wrong, and instead of standing against that, even though that's a difficult thing to do,

You still do it. And it's probably because it's easier to shift the blame onto somebody else than to actually look at yourself and be like, wait a minute, I'm cooking this. Like, this is me. I've been in leadership positions, like in college or I've been, you know, a collaborator on projects before, you know, just working on art projects. and I've been the person who was at fault for things being late, for things not even happening, because of my own self-sabotage. It was bringing the rest of the group down.

Sometimes we get in a position where we just, we bring other people down with us. I know that's a really messed up thing to do, but I mean, I've witnessed it happened so many times. Have you ever had like a friend group combust and like, Everyone goes down with it, Zerke's show, I think you have, because I have. In that situation, is it your fault? I mean, could you have seen this coming from a mile away?

Maybe in retrospect you could have, but sometimes you don't. When something is your fault, the best thing you can do, instead of trying to find an explanation, trying to find the false flag that started at all, It's to own up to it. Even if maybe you didn't all the way know, but you had premonitions, own up to it. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play.

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I think that a lot of the resentment that comes from friendship breakups or people doing the other person wrong is when they don't apologize. When they say, I'm sorry you feel that way. And they do not take accountability for the fact that they had a role in. it that it's your fault. In a situation like this, all somebody wants is an apology, is an acknowledgement, is to be seen, is to not feel like the way they're viewing a certain situation is crazy. Am I the one in the wrong?

I'm sure you've had that where you were wronged by somebody. You were being played with by somebody. And when you brought it up to them, they're like, I don't see anything wrong. What do you mean? I don't get it. You weren't even looking for a solution because at that point, after the mistake has happened, the solution doesn't really matter. Oftentimes we move on past that.

But what matters is somebody just saying, hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. I said something behind your back. I'm sorry. I should have came to you first. Yeah, I was rude to you this morning. because I'm upset at myself and I took it out on you unfairly.

It's my fault, right? The next step is dealing with maybe some of the feelings that you have after making a mistake. The guilt. I feel guilty, right? I cheated on my sneaky link. Please don't cheat. Let's go with a different example. I threw my friend under the bus because I knew it was going to make my crush laugh.

Okay, who hasn't done that? You feel guilt. You feel guilt for it because you knew that you shouldn't have done it, but you did it anyways. Okay. Part of guilt is realizing that that's fine. You can feel guilty. But holding on to guilt doesn't do anything. It doesn't make the situation any better for you.

if anything it just digs you a hole and that's where you feel comfortable because you've already wronged somebody so adding on like guilt and shame it makes the the hole a little more cozy because it's deeper it's not as like above don't guilt yourself into into beating yourself up it's it's just that's not the point you said sorry now you need to look forward you need to look forward and you have to see how would you make this mistake again? How could you see yourself making this mistake again? And what are the ways that you can prevent yourself from fumbling again in this way, from, you know, saying something rude to your parents at dinner?

How can you not do that when you don't intend to? And it's just like an emotional outburst. What are the ways of avoiding something being at fault? right like something wrong there's a multitude of ways you can do this i've journaled about a lot of disagreements and a lot of issues i've had with in my life maybe that could help you or having an open conversation with somebody you trust and trying to see if like there's a pattern in your behavior are you acting this way with everybody i have a bad habit of once in a while getting in this spiral where i just beat myself to a pulp in my mind and i just beat myself to a pulp in my mind

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it's my fault. I'm at fault for that. It's not like, oh, it's because my, you know, my mom. made my coffee wrong or something insane one your mom making you coffee is a privilege two it's like you know the fact that somebody merged a little late in traffic that doesn't mean that you know it's necessarily their fault for you crashing out it's your fault so where where does the trail of breadcrumbs leave like like

where does it lead to what makes you do that what makes you feel this way I've had a lot of conversations with my friends and they they recognize they're like dude it's it's because you're being hard on yourself and that builds this

resentment and this anger towards yourself and then that's how you let it go on to other people and I'm like dang you're so right like I'll really be crazy I remember when I remember I remember when I lost my mind

it's your fault. Is it your fault, though? When you are direct to somebody and you're like, I don't like you, I don't want to be your friend, I don't want to be your boyfriend, I don't want to be your girlfriend, I don't want to, I don't, just nothing. And they still parade you in their mind as the chosen person for them. I don't think it's your fault. You can feel guilty for that, but some, but some things will just happen to you. And in that case, you have to just know that you did everything in your control. You have to just know that you put your best foot forward and the rest was whatever.

Because what can you do? You can feel guilty about it, but it's like, it's not your fault. You can still feel bad about it. You can feel like, dang, you know, that this person, I let them down in some sense, but you didn't owe them anything. Just because you didn't like them back, it doesn't mean it's your fault that they are in a bad place or they're off the rails, you know, or they're posting on their secret account about you every single day and writing long paragraphs on their story. It's not your fault. It's really not your fault, dude. Hey,

sorry, sis, it happens, you know? Damn. Maybe sometimes I think that, things out of my control are my fault and that I should have known better. But then I remember, I'm learning on the fly. Like a lot of this is just first time stuff. I can recognize patterns. I can see that, oh, like, this person doesn't have the best interest for me, right? Oftentimes, like, it's hard to tell. It's hard to know.

and sitting there and being like, oh, it's my fault that, you know, I got played again and all this. Sometimes you just literally had no idea. I think I've definitely played with people's emotions before and I have had a bad habit of not being able to be honest about how I felt about people. It's still a problem I deal with today. It's just hard because I don't want to express myself in the wrong way, but I'm saying that. No, I think it's because I don't want to offend anybody. And I want to be everybody's friend. And I want to people please everyone.

And I want to be your friend. And I want to be your, you know, your friend. And even though I realize that I will not be liked by everybody in this world and that is an okay thing. And I don't want to be liked by everybody in this world. It still is like, in my mind, a bad thing if somebody dislikes me. If you were just yourself and somebody. didn't like you, how is that your fault? I don't think it is your fault. I don't think everyone on this earth is meant to like you. I don't think that everyone in this world

owes you something. I don't think that just because you are nice and you are courteous, people are going to always respect you. It's not the case. Sometimes it's just not the right person. They're not meant to be there for you. They're not meant to even interact with you. They're on a different frequency. They are being rude. And honestly, I'm at the point now where I realize I don't have time for that. And that's not my fault either. What is my fault and what is your fault is deciding to be around people that don't give you the right energy. Maybe you don't know that yet. But there are people in your circle that probably don't want the best for you. They probably don't really care how you're doing. Maybe they keep up with you because you're a hometown

friend or whatever, but they're willing to throw you under the bus if a new shiny thing comes around or a new person they admire more is in their presence. I just warn you of getting caught in a in a group like that with people that have those kind of desires that are always climbing. Be careful. Be very careful. Zerke's show, I think at the end of the day, fault and realizing that something is your fault is about reflection and accountability. If you're able to reflect on something, and if you're able to acknowledge the fact that

maybe you did something wrong, and maybe you did not have. the best intentions of somebody else in mind, I think that you can move the needle to the right direction, to being more courteous to other people. But sometimes you need to forgive yourself. Sometimes you will have to hurt other people, sadly, because it's best for you. And what I mean by that is sometimes you will have to get rid of toxic things. things in your life, toxic people in your life, your toxic partner to become the person that you know you were meant to be. And in the process of doing so, you can treat them with the most respect, with the most love

in separating yourself from them, but they will be hurt. Naturally, that's just how it goes. Remember, it's fine if you feel guilty. But not all things in this. life are truly entirely your fault. Be kind to yourself. Know when you mess up, but don't, don't sabotage yourself over things that are out of your control. Today's episode of the Zerky Show was filmed in beautiful Krakuf Poland as a puppy plays behind me in the grass. He's adorable. Come visit Krakuf Poland. It is gorgeous. This is an average sunset, average Poland

Sunset. Gorgeous. Hope to see you here. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it.

The choice is yours. So if you want to tap in, tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Zerky Show. Get out of your mind today. Go on a stroll. Find something that you can be present in. I chose this field today instead of the bustling city.

I just wanted a break. I wanted to think for a little bit. I'm very happy I did so. And I hope that you can do the same. Just know if you're trying something. new, I believe in you. And as always, Zirky Show, I am sending you lots of love and peace.