the zurkie show - stop staying where you don’t belong

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

you deserve to be around people that are good for you.sending you all love and peaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

You aren't trapped in the people that you're around. They're only here for this moment. And the truth is you can change. And when you change, you will repel people that no longer see you for the person that you are changing to be. They're going to have a preconceived notion of who you are, and they will want to hold on to that because change is difficult. But the people that are meant to be in your life, that are meant to love you and see you for the person that you actually are, they exist. You just haven't found them yet. the person that isn't going to gaslight you and make you feel less than as your partner,

they're not going to make you feel guilty for bringing up every kind of, you know, issue or problem or anxiety, they exist. And when you open yourself up to them, they're going to love you even more than before. I've realized that I am deep and open and vulnerable at a surface level. I think that I am very fine with sharing how I feel, but only to the point that I allow others to see because I don't want the perspective in which they view me to be altered. I don't know where this deep-rooted fear comes from,

but I think my idea is that I just, I don't want to lose somebody's respect. I've had a lot of instances in the past where when I was vulnerable, when I was honest, it was used against me time and time again, and that made me build these walls, these, you know, safeguards to ensure that that ain't happening again. And I became very good at just staying completely. complacent with the people that I surrounded myself with because I was pleasing them and I thought that that was what a friendship was I became very good at being in a toxic relationship because the other person's needs were being taken care of and mine didn't matter I didn't know how to admit to myself that you know what maybe there are better people

maybe they exist because this meant that I had to face something within myself and that was the idea that I deserve to meet people that are better for me and that exist for me. It's another one of those things that I still deal with on a day-to-day basis. It's this idea of, do you deserve it? I think other people deserve a lot more than I do. And I'm trying to change that belief because it's not true. You deserve to be around people that uplift you. You deserve to be around people who aren't going to clown on your interests.

You deserve to feel like you are a part of something. bigger than yourself, but it's hard when you can't see that. It's hard when you have spent most of your life in your hometown, you've spent most of your life around the same people, the same friends. It makes you think that maybe this is it. Maybe this is all I'm cut out for. And there is nothing else, you know, there for me. It's just this is what I deserve.

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and I focus on my interests, I focus on building things that matter to me and building relationships that matter to me, maybe I will attract the people. that are meant to be in my life. And trust me, when I started living this way, it did not happen overnight. Oh my goodness, it was lonely. Nobody tells you how lonely changes. Nobody tells you how many nights you spend wondering if they exist. But there's a catch that I've noticed, and maybe this might help you.

The more time that I kept questioning if they existed, the less time I had to actually go out and meet people, the less time I had to actually put myself in positions and places where I could meet people and do things that would bring people into my life. Let's say deep down, you know you're very, very artistic, but your friends, high achievers, they don't believe in art as a career.

Maybe they got first-gen parents like me that are like, what? You have to make a money. That's what is important in your life. life. Which, you know what, all right. Respect. You know, I get it, dude.

But deep down, you know you want to do something artistic. You have kind of this vision. Maybe you want to do sculpture. Maybe you want to do, you know, Marano glass or something like that. You want to be a jeweler. I don't know, dude. That'd be any of that. It's cool.

But you feel alone in it. And you know that doing these things and going after your passions, it means you will spend more time alone. Because that's oftentimes what it means. You might hesitate to try those things. You might hesitate to really put your all into it, even though you know that's what you want to do, because you are afraid that you will isolate yourself

from your current friend group, even though you don't like them. Even though they don't fill your bucket, they don't make you feel a part of something, and maybe there's a chance that they don't really like you. That's a hard one to swallow. On the contrary, maybe they are really supportive of you, but you just haven't given them the chance to do that.

And you've made an assumption that, ah, all these people, they don't like me, I'm cooked, you know, I need to be like them in order to feel a part of something. What I've noticed is usually people are just waiting on somebody to show that it's okay to do something, whether that's to be vulnerable and open up, whether that's, you know, that's something as simple as like being the first person to go up and, grab a plate at a cookout, you know, and get some pulled pork and mac and cheese. Like, people oftentimes wait for somebody else to do it first, and you kind of have to ask yourself, like, are you going to wait for that permission?

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And what you'll find is I think when you do focus on starting that thing, starting that passion, starting that academic interest of yours, an interesting thing happens. Your perspective shifts and the way in which you notice things in your world shifts, you will start to see things that weren't there before. They were always there before, but you just did not have the bandwidth to really notice them because you were too cooped up in, the idea of who you were and what you were doing. And that's okay. Don't feel guilty about that. We all go through that. But suddenly you'll notice that like there are people that have similar interest to you. When you start doing your research about like who are other artists in your area or you start asking around or you let people know, hey, I'm the person that likes to, you know, do Roman sculptures in my free time, people will notice that because it's distinct and it's

It's you. And they will spread the information to other people. Sooner than later, what will happen is people will first know that you exist naturally. Because if you are passionate, if you're doing something all the time, it becomes ingrained in who you are as a human being. And it's hard to miss. And the people that you're wondering, do they exist? They're going to start to notice too. And at the end of the day, it's trust.

It's trust that you will find them. And if right now you don't have them in front of you and you do feel alone, it's trust that right now it's not time. And you got to just keep going. And you got to see, okay, am I doing enough? Am I, you know, do I need to spend this time alone? Do I need to really hone in on my craft? Do I need to just like focus on being a human being for a little bit and not worry about other people? that's also equally as important you know we like to think that being alone is a bad thing it's it's a

beautiful thing i'm not going to lie i've been traveling europe for the last two weeks it's been awesome i've been with two really good friends i am looking forward to the minute i get back to austin and i am alone in my room nothing against them i just i need it to recharge i'm I think a lot of us, we think it's a bad thing. We think that being alone has this negative connotation, that it's like a loser thing. But no, being alone is one of the strongest things you can do to really see what's on your mind and see how you feel. Because people are great. I love people.

People are also a big distraction. Thumb. That's the truth. People can be a huge distraction, especially when you're long overdue for some alone time. and you're long overdue to just relax. You do not need to be surrounded by people all of the time. You can go on a walk alone. You can go eat somewhere alone.

You don't have to feel guilty for that. Spending time alone is nurturing yourself, and it's preparing you to be able to have better relationships in your life, especially with the people that you think right now don't exist for you. This is also especially true in dating and relationships. I, for the longest, thought I would never find a person. I would never find a partner. I, it wasn't in the cards for me.

And I'll be honest. With the way that things are right now, there's a good chance that you've fallen victim to this kind of mentality, too, because it is the most forgiving. Dating now is a mess. It is. I'm not going to sit here and act like it's not. It is a mess and there are a lot of things going on

and there are a lot of hurt people that are coping with their pain by chronically dating people and using them. And maybe you've been used. Not once, not twice, but maybe all of your life you've been used by other people in dating.

I'm sorry because you didn't deserve that you didn't deserve for somebody to ghost you after seven dates come on you guys were close you told them things that you would never even tell your parents or your best friend they didn't care

but that does not mean that somebody that is worthy of you they don't exist they exist they 100% exist now it's a matter of realizing that maybe you're not ready to meet them. Maybe you actually have to do a little bit more work. You have to actually figure out what are the pain points in your life that are stressing you out,

that are making you feel like you don't deserve to have fun, you don't deserve to go out and meet somebody, and no, it's all cooked, you're going to give up. Because I think that's the bigger problem. It's not that you can't meet somebody, It's that your confidence has been destroyed by maybe things that weren't even your fault. And the hard part about adulthood is realizing that you have to fix them. You have to fix them, even if it's not your fault.

You have to fix them. I mean, you don't have to. You have free will. You don't have to do anything. But if you want to meet the person that exists for you, you have to ask yourself, like, what are you doing? What are you doing to find them, to attract them? Square knows that in hospitality, efficiency is everything. That's why their system lets you take payments.

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I don't have my boo thing. Dude, I couldn't even take care of who I was, of my inner child, of the things that I wanted to do. I wasn't even allowing myself to go down the path that I knew I wanted to go down. And of course when that was the case, I would have a fling, I would meet somebody, but it was never going to stay because I wasn't there for the long term. I couldn't even support myself for the long term. I was denying myself happiness. And once I realized, okay, I need to, I need to be better about this and I need to give myself the chance to just prove that I can do something consistently, to just prove that I can be lovable. and give somebody else a chance to show that to me, I'm at the love of my life. So maybe they exist. Maybe they exist.

But maybe right now it's just not the right time, Zerky Show. And you can be mad at that, and you can look at the fact that everyone around you has a boyfriend and has a girlfriend. Or you can take it as a sign that, all right, it's time to focus on you right now and actually do it. Don't just tell yourself,

it's time to lock in, and you're not, spend the time alone. Ask yourself questions. Ask yourself like, what do you want to do with yourself? How do you want to treat yourself? Are you being even fair to yourself? I think that's where a lot of the answers lie. Because if we can't even accept the fact that we exist

and that we're worth spending time, effort, and in some cases money on, for our own selves, how can we even start to look for other people in our lives? Today's episode of the Zerky Show was filmed in Vegno, Italy. Look at these mountains behind me. Italy is a goat to your country. I love this place so much.

Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it, you can scroll, you can stream it. The choice is yours if you want to tap in. Those are the best ways to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. And Zirky Show, if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you.

They exist. Okay. Give yourself some time, give yourself some space, focus on you right now. And as always, I am sending you all lots of love and peace.