the zurkie show - the truth about situationships

Episode Date: February 7, 2025

listen to how you feel. don't let yourself be gaslit into thinking things are fine when they are not. it's a good sign it's not for you. https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

Do I have permission to talk about a situation ship? Yes? Let's do it. I was in a situation ship once, twice. Kidding, I'm not that much of a player. Come on. I love having a relationship and, you know, getting to know somebody. But a situation ship is awesome because it's basically renting a partner.

It's basically, you know, having somebody pretending, you know, cosplaying, role playing that of being in a relationship, but you just don't commit to each other because you don't really like them enough to commit to them. You get what I'm saying. And in this situation ship, I had a feeling that I wasn't wanted, which was weird. I never had that feeling I thought you know most of the time when I was with people that I was worthy and it was a big thing to like fight for the worth of being you know wanted and I don't know I guess in this one I really felt like this person maybe thought that me being with them was like a chore it was like they were reporting for

duty and it made me feel really bad I I had questions them a few times like do you even want to be with me you know what I mean like there's not a lot of intimacy being reciprocated here and I just I don't know I I I I you know I really like that I think it's important and you know every time we talked we we we seem to come out on the other side and it seemed to be okay and we seem to have resolved everything but I knew deep down that we didn't like I had a feeling that things were off I had a feeling that I could really trust what this person was telling me. I didn't listen.

And in the end, guess who was right? Me! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I was right. Vamos! But it really did reinforce something that I knew all along, and I don't know why I decided in this instance, no, no.

Listen to your feelings. Oh my goodness listen to your feelings and today. I felt like wearing the daft punk shirt because Last night I had a dream about you in this dream I'm dancing right beside you song three Discovery Digital Love by daft punk if you've never listened to Discovery by daft punk that is your homework from this episode listen to your feelings is also your homework because there are a lot of people who I don't know why they have an intuition and inclination that something is wrong. Something is is visibly wrong. And they find logic to back up the fact that no, no, I'm being too pressing or I'm being too

no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's a difference between making assumptions. But if you feel that something is off, something is off. Something is off. Do not ignore that. Why would you ignore that? Like, something is probably going on. And you need to, like, talk about it.

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and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Haboniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. And think about any time, you know, you've had something go wrong in like a relationship. You know, there are certain instances where you just get blindsided. You get, you know, in the face.

And you're like, what? But most of the time, you can pinpoint when you look backwards. Oh, wait a minute. this person said that this was the you know guy I didn't have to worry about this is the girl I didn't have to worry about but I worried about them because I saw the vision I saw what was going on I'm not stupid

and sometimes we just need to listen to our feelings and know that okay that's not normal that doesn't feel good something about this feels very very wrong hey how you doing there you go taking the walk Nice, nice. Better safe and sorry.

There you go. You listen to your feelings, you know? And there are certain fears I have, you know. I'm scared that I'll be in a relationship and the person will be cheating and I won't know about it and then I'll look like an idiot. But I'm not even afraid of like the cheating aspect of the whole thing. I'm more afraid of like the optics. And then I had to think to myself like, who can't, if I'm getting cheated on, you know, and I don't find out about it, like, dude life is life like you know eventually they always find out i promise you that okay you can't

it just always they always find out i've never done it but every friend i have who has which i don't have many of those they always they always somehow find out and it's and then you're on the phone to like 5 a.m. being like bro like i don't know what else to tell you like you got to you got to face your consequences you cheated you cheated okay You got to apologize and you, and I don't want to just to understand. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. You didn't think it was going to be a big deal that you went behind your partner's back and you cheated on them. Really?

That's like a news to you. Okay, bro. Listen to your feelings. Listen to your feelings. How do you do this? It's easy for me to just be like, listen to what your intuition tells you. But how do you actually listen to your feelings and how do you know when to discern your feelings with actual fear that might not be real. It might be created as a coping mechanism for maybe like a deeper

internal problem. For example, you might be afraid of talking to new people because internally you feel like you're not worthy enough or you feel like you're ugly. You've been led to believe that you're worthless and that no one's going to see worth in you when in reality you're probably a chill person and somebody would love to have the privilege to learn who you are and learn more about you. It's a very difficult thing. There isn't an easy answer. I don't think that there's like a, you know, oh, all you have to do is X and then why will

be true. Nuh. No, uh, but I think your feelings are at the underlying root of whatever thing it is that you're trying to reason with. They're the first thing to hit. It's like your first reaction, your first inclination. And sometimes your feelings are wrong. Sometimes like your feelings are not right.

And maybe they are working with a version of yourself that has yet to accept yourself, yet to do the work necessary to be more open, to be more loving, to be more okay with the way that life goes. And that's okay. That's fine. so I think that at the very least you should acknowledge it you should acknowledge that you feel a certain way you should acknowledge that you have a certain bias you should acknowledge that you're afraid to get into a relationship or you're afraid to like spend a bunch of money on something because money was

you know always a problem growing up your family didn't have money and it's like it's weird and these feelings you shouldn't try to mask them completely I think you should entertain them and you should at least hear them out. Hear them out. Because the contrary is there are people that let feelings rule their entire life. And that, oh my gosh. Ooh, that's a rough one, bro. That's a rough one.

Because there's no reason and there's no change because, well, I feel this. So that is, that is the fact. And it's like, oh my gosh, dude. All I asked was that maybe we don't have to go to a fast casual dining restaurant because I want to eat something else. Maybe we can spend like an extra $10 and have like a half decent meal, go get some Ethiopian food or something. I don't know. But like why is it like, oh my, geez. All right, well go to Olive Garden.

Fine. Fine. I don't care. But you don't want to be like that because I do think that feelings, they're easy. They're very easy to kind of like buy into and use. them as fuel for an action, a quick action. Whereas acknowledging your feelings and being like, okay, I'm feeling this way. And then being like, why is so important. Why am I feeling this way? Like what is leading me to be anxious about this person that's in my life? Why do I feel this kind

of anxiety? Like, what is pointing to this? Okay, I'm feeling anxious about this kind of person because they haven't called me in a while. There's somebody who gets into these kind of moods where, you know, when they are struggling, they become nonverbal and they don't want to communicate that because they feel, you know, ashamed of that. Ugh. I don't feel good about that. I should do something about that.

I should call them. Or, man, I'm really feeling aggravated right now about everything. that's going on in my life like you know my friend is like making fun of me and i just snap at them like a turtle you know why did i do that well i'm feeling aggravated why am i feeling aggravated well it's because i'm so just like overworked with myself i've put these standards on myself that i'm going to study for this exam this week and then i'm going to go apply for a bunch of internships and jobs and like I haven't even given myself like a a break I've been on this overdrive for the last two months and so I can't chill I can't relax calm down bro I can't because I haven't even

given myself the permission to do that oh wait that's not good it's actually really bad and you know what I might want to think about this and I might want to give myself a break because I don't want to be aggravated all the time That came from listening to your feelings. You listened to it. That's all you did. You just listened to it. You went, okay, why do I not want to get up from bed?

What's going on? Like, why is this such a challenge? Well, it's because I have to go and get started with the day, and I really don't want to do that. Like, I really just don't want. I can't be asked to do that right now. For example, there was a period of my life where I didn't want to get out of bed when I would wake up in the morning. I felt just I just didn't want to start the day. It was like I was, you know,

I feel like when you wake up and you look at the ceiling while you're laying in bed, it's kind of like the loading screen, you know, in Minecraft. You can pick like single player, multiplayer. I would just be like, leave me on there. I'm enjoying it, you know? Because sometimes the loading screen be five, bro. They'd be playing like a nice fire song

and, you know, there's some nice stuff going on. And I would be stuck in this, you know, title screen of, you know, my day because I didn't want to face the realities of the day. Well, why was that? Why did I feel this way? Well, it was because I was just, I was uncomfortable with who I was and I was uncomfortable with the fact that I had so much on my plate at that time and that I was, quite frankly, I was just sad. I was sad. There were a lot of really weird things going on at the same time in my life. And I felt so lost. I felt so just depleted.

And I felt, I was feeling guilty about it. I was feeling guilty that I was feeling this way because I'm always, you know, I always try to be cheery. I always try to be happy, happy, happy, you know. And this was a moment in my life where I wasn't that way, and I was very much like, er. And in that moment, I wish I had listened to that feeling a little bit more and been like, there's no guilt.

There's no guilt in this. Why don't we just take a break? Why don't we just do some some chilling alone? I'm glad I listened. I went on a trip to go see one of my aunts. And it was awesome. It was really, really awesome to kind of go and relax.

I remember I went to Montana. Beautiful Montana, bro. Underrated state. Go to Montana. Trust me, Daddy. Yeah, Montana is beautiful. And during that time, I got to just focus on being there. I got to take a break, and I got to just, like, hang out.

And I really needed that. I really needed to just hang out. And I wasn't able to do that at home, you know, and that was really, really impacting me. And maybe that's what your feelings are telling you right now is that you don't want to be with other people all the time. You don't want to be socializing all the time. You just want to be by yourself. you know you just want to focus in on the goals that matter to you and you just want to be consistent with the things that matter to you and dude that's that's okay like but come you never come out

with us you know what i i don't want to you know i really want to focus on listening to myself right now listening to my feelings and i really want to you know get over my last relationship I really want to figure out where I want to live after I graduate. I really want to just figure myself out. I don't even know what I'm doing. You know, sometimes doing like a check-in of where you're at in your life is so powerful because you realize so many things that you genuinely like are not really happy with. And maybe you think you're happy with it,

but when you just allow yourself to listen to your feelings and you don't just disregard them and you don't just throw them aside and be like, oh, I'm just a whatever. It's like whatever. No, it's not whatever. It's never whatever. You get me? We talk a lot about being a good listener. But when was the last time we were a good listener to ourselves?

Like when was the last time we really sat down and just like asked ourselves the same questions we would ask our best friend? Honestly, like, I can't even tell you when the last time that was in my own life. I used to journal a lot. I used to be very consistent with it. I used to be checking in all the time. But I've even grown a little bit distant in my own relationship with my own feelings. And that's something that recently I've started to work very, very hard to get that back. And it's been nice.

It's been really nice to like know, you know what, dude, it's fine. It's fine that I didn't do all of these things I wanted to get done today. but why did I choose to lay in bed? What caused that? What caused me to look for that, that thing, that vice? What is stressing me out?

What are the underlying things that are causing these emotions? And I don't think that you need to be stoic all the time. I don't think that you need to be, you know, all the time. No, emotions are a part of the human experience. No, you, like, after a breakup, You shouldn't feel that way.

You should be like so happy because that person's out of your life. No, you should be sad. You should be sad. Why? Because you went through a breakup. So you should be sad. And you should deal with being sad because that is normal. I let emotions flow.

If I'm feeling upset, I try to find why. If I'm feeling happy, I also try to find why. Because I want to feel happy more. And if being happy means, you know, you know, eating a Shipley's donut. I'm going to do it every day. No, no. But if being happy means spending time with people that I find interesting,

doing things that excite me, then I'm going to do more of that. I want to do more of that. In a similar vein, though, I don't think you need to be happy all the time. I just want to be content, you know? I just want to wake up and feel like my day has a purpose to it. And I want there to be a challenge. I want there to be stress. I want there to be problems that I get to solve because that afterwards is always worth it.

It's beautiful when you lay down in bed and at the end of the day and you feel like you accomplished something. Even if what you accomplished was making your bed, you did that. You did that. Even if what you accomplished was, you know, cleaning your room, you did that. So listen to your feelings. take more stock of your feelings understand especially when you have a repetition of feelings some people do genuinely need to have professional help with their emotions they have a different chemical balance in their brain you know and and with that respectively you know i'm not a doctor i can't advise

and i hope that you get the the treatment that you need but in the meantime if you are dealing with the emotions and the roller coaster of everyday life just know that a lot of a lot of lot of these things, it's good to let them ebb and flow and let them come as they go. When you start to understand your own feelings and your own emotions a lot more, you then are able to pick it up in other people. Then you become hyper aware, honestly, of when somebody is lashing out at you because of things that you have nothing to do with. You are just the target that they decided to take all of their BS and throw it at, right? And then you also are able to tell like when people are disappointed in you and it's valid and it doesn't come from a

place of just like, you know, outside sources. It's actually genuine. You're also able to see when people are being fake. Being fake. There's no evidence behind the emotion that they're trying to portray because, you know, Oh my gosh, you look so good in that dress. Really? I look good in my dress. Are you sure? Or are you just saying that

because you want to seem like you're my twin flame? Come on. Be careful out there. People like to use emotions to, you know, play around with people. People love to do that in relationships. Play around. They're playing with my emotions. Where do you think that comes from?

Because people be playing with emotions. But at the end of the day, we have emotions because we are supposed to feel them. That is the human experience. And you do not need to be happy all the time. You won't be happy all the time. You do not need to be sad all the time too. We all deal with situations differently.

in the same situation that somebody might deal with happiness, like joy, someone else might be like, eh. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip. Play. Post. Taste. View.

And enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. This actually aggravates me a little bit. And you got to understand that. Everyone is different. Everyone is different. And that's okay.

That's, that's a hundred percent okay. But just make sure that the next time you are feeling something, you don't just disregard it. You don't just throw it away because, oh, no, no, that would be, that would be foolish of me. This person said this to me. No, understand where that's coming from because most of the time it's coming from a place that is sincere, and maybe it's coming from some place that's deep in your subconscious,

and it's trying to tell you something. But you won't know unless you listen to your feeling Zerky show. I love you so much. Wee, wee, huge announcement. We have a P.O. Box now. This is for a new show that I'm working on called Mail Time with Zerky. If you want to be a part of it, this is where you should send your letter. I would love any kind of questions.

You got anything of that sorts. Send them over to the PO box for a chance to be featured in this upcoming show. That's, of course, if you want to. By the way, did you know that the Zirky Show is everywhere? You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. Well, if you didn't know, here's a gentle reminder,

just so you can continue to stay tapped in. Also, Valentine's Day is coming up. And I heard that your Valentine is looking for someone. kind of ris. Well, guess what? Unks got the ris for them. Well, I hope. Either way, the Zerky Show is now on Cameo. If you want a personalized video message, if you want some advice, even for yourself, this is the way to do it. Taking requests now. But just know, the Zirky Show is here to stay for you every single day, and that will not change. Do the things that bring you joy in this life because it is very short, and time is flying. It is literally February. It was just

just January, what the Sigma is going on. I don't know, but I try to live it every day in a good way. Try to smile. If I feel bad, I frown. But it's fine, because the day goes on. Because life goes on and on and on and on and on and... Zirky Show, I believe in you. I believe anything that you want to do.

You can do it. You just got to start it. You just got to get to it. So, with that being said, if you need someone to root for you, I'm rooting for you. And I'm also sending you plenty of love and peace.