the zurkie show - they know you’re avoiding them

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

be honest, be direct.if someone can't respect your honesty, they won't respect you period.avoiding your problems will make them grow.sending you lots of love and peaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

Anytime I avoided somebody or something, I thought it was going to help my situation, and it made things ten times worse. In my mind, I thought if I didn't give it any kind of energy or any kind of time, then it would go away. But that is never the case. People don't forget. People remember, and people know that you're avoiding them. And I had to learn this the hard way, but not with people, with feelings. When you avoid feelings, and you avoid feelings, and you avoid the the fact that you are not comfortable in a relationship. You don't like your friend. You don't like yourself. And instead of actually giving that a little bit of space to breathe and being like, why am I feeling like I am worthless today? And you push it down, it will come back with a force

that is larger than anything you could have ever imagined. And it will not come back in the way that you think. Because a lot of us think that, okay, if we push a relationship down, then that person will just kind of forget about us, okay, whatever. But where it's actually going to become a problem is in your habits and in the way that you express yourself to future people. Because when you get in a pattern of avoiding people, then that will become your go-to for any solution. You will automatically get in some kind of argument or you will get into some kind of altercation, some kind of disagreement.

And the first thing that you will think is, you're done. You're done. I think that that is a detrimental mistake. So many people have missed out on friendships, on loves, on just being able to exist in their own skin because they avoid everything. Don't avoid life. Because life will come back and it will come back to haunt you. It will.

I used to think that when I got my heart broken in high school, I could change the routes of walking in the hallways so I didn't see my ex with her new man's. And although, okay, yeah, that kind of worked and I didn't have to see them, the burning feeling of them being together was imprinted into my brain. I could see it like it was a 4K resolution display, and all I could think about was all the things she told me about him, the guy not to worry about. Then a couple months later when I saw them together, all those feelings went away. Sure, it was uncomfortable, it was weird, and I was like, I know a lot more about this relationship

than this guy, but I didn't really care anymore. And I think that's one of the issues is that we think giving, you know, time and effort into a thought, into an idea will ruin us in some kind of way. You having to actually have that conversation with that one girly that's like a little codependent, not going to lie, you think that that's going to ruin any kind of friendship that you might have together, but what if that's supposed to happen in order for you to set up boundaries and be good friends? We always think of what can we lose instead of what can we gain. And why not look at the things as, okay, if I am going to lose somebody because of this

conversation, we were never going to work. Because what I find a lot of us do is we step on eggshells our entire lives. We avoid having any kind of greatness or just going after a better kind of future for ourselves because we are afraid. And I don't blame me. There's a lot of things that can go wrong. There's a lot of things that could ruin your life, I guess. But I would really urge you to change this way of thinking because when I started to look at things as what can I gain instead of if I confront this feeling of self-worth that is really, really bad, then it's going to be like it's going to destroy me. when in reality maybe I just need

I need to tell myself that it's okay maybe I need to change the way that I'm doing things and I'm not supposed to be like super rigid with my schedule maybe I am supposed to go to Tokyo for two Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa whether it's Verde, Roja or the orange one for Jeff trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flame thrower.

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But rarely do we give these thoughts any kind of motion because we're afraid. Confronting people is also very unconstitutional. comfortable. I'm sure you've confronted somebody in your life. It's not fun. It's not fun. And it's not supposed to be fun. It's not supposed to be joyful. It's supposed to be a conversation where you two see each other eye to eye. At least you try to. Now, Zerk, what if I'm in a situation where I know that as soon as I confront somebody, it is game over. They are going to go full victim mode and I am cooked.

It's a very valid question because I'm not going to lie. I've had to confront people. where I knew immediately when I was going to speak up, it was going to backfire onto me. If somebody is going to make you the problem in your relationship with them, every time without fail, is that a relationship that you think is good for you? I would urge you to ask that because I'm not going to lie. I've had to, well, cut ties, not avoid, but cut ties with people who I'm, who I'm knew I just couldn't handle. And there's nothing wrong with that.

A lot of us think that that makes us less of a person just because we can't handle somebody's insane standards of who we need to be. And the fact is that we can't say or joke at all about them. And as soon as they joke about us, it's totally okay. The hypocrisy. Don't be friends or in a relationship with a hypocrite. People will act in hypocritical ways. And if they can admit that, that is a good thing.

Because all of us, we make mistakes, we're not perfect. But, dude, there are so many people out there that have the narcissism and the lack of accountability that will ruin your life. You will be miserable. I'm just letting you know because I was miserable for so long hanging out with those kind of people. But another thing you have to really take into consideration is, are you even listening to yourself? Are you even giving your thoughts and your ideas the respect they deserve? or are you just brooding yourself into doing stuff, brute forcing every kind of relationship,

any kind of creative endeavor. You don't want to make music, but your entire personality is rooted in being a musician. So you have to. You're not finding ways to make your life enjoyable for yourself. And so you're spending it with people that are more, you know, more filler than anything and not actually contributing

to you expanding your horizon and challenging you as a person. and wow, I just said a lot, I know, but we do not check in with ourselves enough. We do not try to really look from an outward perspective onto our lives, and instead we just kind of go with the flow. And going with the flow is great. Don't get me wrong. But if you keep going with the flow, especially when you are unhappy,

you are going to reach a position where it is too late. Not actually. you can always recover you can always change your life yes this is true but getting in really really bad habits that's harder it's harder to change it is i'm somebody who likes to avoid the negative feelings in my life i like to just act like they don't exist until they boil over like a crawfish boil and then it is it is time to rage i i turn into like the rage monster from dude perfect and just go crazy. And I literally just caught myself today being like, relax. Like, it's cool. We're good and we're chilling. And it's because I'm avoiding these feelings of feeling like,

I've lost my mojo. I've lost my momentum in life. I am much more lazy. I am much more, you know, just easily distracted. I don't want to do stuff. And maybe instead of looking at that and being like that's the culprit. Maybe I need to change and focus on things that actually challenge me and make me happy. And maybe I need to just shift the way in which I am committing time because I am avoiding doing stuff that I really want to do because I don't, I don't deserve it. I have other things I need to get done. I had this in college all the time. I would have an essay or a do, I would know I had to get it done, but instead of, you know, doing it, I would procrastinate all that time, dreading the actual moment I would sit down with a pen and paper and write.

If I knew I was going to procrastinate all that time, if I knew that I had this kind of avoidant style with trying to do the hard thing, what if I just did other things that made me happy? Like if I'm going to waste that time, why not just get my time back doing something else? it's hard it's hard it's something that we have to learn to like deal with and it's something that you know when you avoid things your entire life you become just used to it oh you know i'm in this altercation with somebody i'm just going to avoid them this person made me upset that they didn't consider me for their you know intramural soccer team i'm going to just avoid them and act like they

don't exist when in reality it could have been just a confrontation that girl that blew you off or you assumed she blew you off it could have just been a question hey do you like me would you want to go on a date but it's that it's that idea that we might get embarrassed it's that idea that if it should have happened it would have happened but you don't know you never know and i think that in a similar a lot of us feel that way about life. We become very avoidant trying new things or putting ourselves out there because we already create this narrative in our minds of what will happen because, you know, we got treated really poorly when we were in high school because we had acne.

So if we go up to somebody now and we introduce ourselves, they're going to reject us. We tried to, you know, be in a band. And as soon as the band practices started, our friends said, hey, I don't think you're good enough or you don't have the aesthetics or the looks you're done. so then we never picked up an instrument again. We had this aspiration to go into accounting, but our parents, since we were young, said that we're bad with money

and we don't know how to count. These narratives are what also make you avoid life and make you avoid friendships and make you avoid being better for yourself because you believe something somebody else has told you and you are just trying to make something out of it. And so, of course, you're going to frame it in a way of like, well, there goes my chance. Oh, well, I guess I'll never find love.

I guess I'll never be with somebody because all the time I get overlooked. I don't, nobody cares about me. But that's not true. She knows. How? Did you blam? No. The devil wears Prada too.

He's the movie event 20 years in the making. Honestly, can't with the secrets anymore. So I think we just, we should tell her. Will you two please spit it out already? This Friday, be the first to experience it only in theaters. In light of the recent scandal, I'm here to restore your credibility. Oh, because we're a team now? That's a nice story. The Devil Wares Prada 2 in Theaters Friday.

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From, binge all episodes, exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's something that we create in our minds to just defend ourselves from the chaos of life and from being hurt, but it's not true in the same way that we are avoiding having a difficult conversation because we know it will hurt and we know it will be uncomfortable. We are avoiding just being better for ourselves. It's funny because I feel like now more than ever, you know, I haven't been the best to myself. I've been working against myself because I'm like, I'm on a mission.

I have to do things. I have to stay consistent. But sometimes I think it's worth reflecting and I think it's worth looking at what you're doing and asking yourself, is this even working for me? Why do you want to be with somebody? Why do you want to be somebody's friend? Why do you want to be there for yourself? Do you know? If I want to be somebody's friend because they are loving,

and they're appreciative of me. Am I really going to let one minor comment or one loss of trust destroy that? Shouldn't I give them another chance? Shouldn't I just have that conversation instead of admitting to myself, you know what, they're never going to change, it's cooked, and just throwing them out? I worry that I do that too much. And I worry that that's not a good way of living your life. Zirky show because in that in that instance you're always holding resentment

resentment against people and you're always going to avoid any kind of conflict and I get it conflict is not fun it's not cool to have your brain tell you that it doesn't like you over and over on a daily basis but at some point you have to decide are you willing to embrace the conflict if on the other side you could have some kind of resolution because it's not like you will always have beef at some point you're going to say everything there is to say you're going to admit everything there is to admit and then what maybe it's time to call your friend that you've kind of avoided for a while and check in maybe it's time to tell them hey i i don't know if this relationship is very good like i i feel like you don't

prioritize me at all instead your friends are on the top of the list and hey if that's what you want that's cool but that's not what i want or maybe it's even time to go inward and realize that you've been you haven't been nice to your inner child you've been telling it that it needs to watch sopranos instead of draw it needs to go out with the bros on thursday instead of have play some footy. It needs to work and work and work and it does not deserve any kind of play. It doesn't deserve to have any kind of moment for itself to just enjoy, make a snow angel, hang out, or try something new because you never got that as a kid. You always had a standard on you, so you're just continuing what you know best. Not to blame you, but,

if we want to make changes in our lives, if we want to feel like we are in control of our own destiny and that we do something well, we can't avoid the way that we feel and we certainly can't avoid people that have done us wrong because that is a bad pattern to get into Zerky Show. It just, it essentially makes you feel like you are alone. And no matter what happens, people will always betray you when that's not the truth. Brosin lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play.

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Now, if you do that, do go into this confrontation with somebody in the future. And you do realize they're not changing. They definitely think that you have done everything wrong and you are no good. Take it as a sign to walk away. Take it as a sign that, okay, this conversation was needed because now I realize I don't want to be your friend. I don't want you in my life. but the more that you avoid that, the more you risk torching something that could have been good, the more that you avoid your feelings towards somebody else, the more you will realize, man, I should have just told them, I should have just spoken up.

Because regret doesn't hit right away. It usually likes to hit when you're staring at your window as the rain is beating down gently on a summer night. maybe you're listening to something maybe you're listening to me or some nice ambient music and something will hit you there'll be this sweet feeling of and that is a feeling that i no longer want to fall asleep to ever in my life zirky show did you know that today's episode of the zirky show was filmed in miami florida no i'm kidding cripple creek colorado during a blizzard it is beautiful it's be out in the snow and I am cold. I'm going to have some hot chocolate when I get back inside. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it.

You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, it's the Zirky Show everywhere you go all across the globe. So tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Get a gingerbread house, man. I have not made a gingerbread house in a minute and I cannot wait to make one man. Christmas is coming. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in. And as always, Zirky Show, I am sending you lots of love and peace.