the zurkie show - why dating feels empty

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

don't let people use you for attention.be upfront. tell someone you want more than "something casual".it's not rude to be honest.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

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free of charge. BetMGEMGEM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. In communities across Canada, hourly Amazon employees can grow their skills and their paycheck by enrolling in free skills training programs for in-demand fields. Learn more at aboutamazon.ca. One of the most embarrassing feelings is realizing you're on a date and that you are being used. And it's because you are the result of a rebound. Somebody has decided, you know what?

My ex said some things behind my back. I want to show people, mainly my friends, that I can date. and that's how you've gotten to this position. It will make you reflect and make you ask yourself, what even is dating? What even is dating nowadays? So many people struggle with finding good people to go on dates with, and honestly, I'm not going to lie, I did my dating.

It was chopped. It was good. It was my goodness. It was not good. But I've done some reflecting now being in a relationship. I'm almost going to be a year in to finding and being with somebody that I love. Why was it cooked? Why was it so bad to date?

And I think it was because I was chasing. Now I know. There is a part of me that also does not like that statement because it makes me seem like, don't chase, just attract. And that's so like, bro, I had to go on those dates at the end of the day. I had to put myself out there. Nobody is going to come and save me in my bedroom with my computer. I need to be like, hey, I think you're cute.

Let's go to Panera Bread or something. But I think there is a difference between realizing your standards, realizing what you want and sticking to that. And for me, I was, I just compromised a lot because I wanted to go on a date. I wanted to hang out with somebody. And even though I knew I didn't like them, I was kind of like, well, isn't this what I'm supposed to do? And I don't think that's the case.

I think that you need to be honest with yourself about what you want. And I don't think you should listen to what people are saying, oh, this is your time to like mess about. If that's what you want to do, you should do it. But dating, dating is about you more than you think. It's actually about finding somebody that you're going to like to spend time with. Not somebody that's super bad and you can show a photo and get three seconds of validation when your homie's like, Yo, my, oh, yo, bro.

You know, you know that baby? That's like, that's all you're going to get from showing someone that she's bad or he's so cute. What are they like? Do they challenge you? Are they going to say, hey, I don't think that you should take this opportunity because I don't like this person. I get a bad vibe from them. are they going to stick up for you? Are they going to give you a hug at the end of the day and be like,

hey, you gave you your all. It's okay. I believe in you we have tomorrow. Most of us get so jaded with the idea of just having somebody that we do not look for characteristics of a good person that would fit our lives. We instead think, I'm going to change for somebody. I'm going to become, you know, I'm going to frizz up my hair. I'm not going to show my hair in.

I'm going to get buff. I'm going to make sure my posture's good and my chin is, you know, not receding. And I'm going to go on this date. And don't get me wrong, like, it's cool to dress nice. It's cool to represent yourself the best that you can. But at the end of all of the peacocking, you still got to look at the bird and realizes the bird good for you. And I'm not no English bird, you know, ah, come on, it's a fit bird. No, no, no.

I'm just saying, like, I, think we put a lot of weight on what the optics of being with somebody will look like instead of what is the character of the person that we want. And that is above all. Like that is everything. But I don't blame you because dating is kind of crazy, especially now when I think that dating has been gamified. It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet. From rolling countryside to cobblestone streets, begin your next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. Westjet, where your story takes off.

How many dates can you go on with how many people? How many different flavors can you taste? How many different times can you get rejected and cry to your friends and then go on a shopping spree to like, you know, get some clothes and callous your mind? I've done that. Hello? I'm not like I'm not trying to throw out strays like I'm saying this because this has this has been me what changed dating for me and I won't lie this is kind of the truth that I wish I heard earlier

you will find somebody that is right for you when you act the way and you embody the person that you want to be and that is a hard thing to do it is not an easy thing to do and what I've learned is that when you are seen in the way that you want to be seen by somebody who wants to see you in that way, that's when you meet the one. And that means following whatever you feel like you need to do and making that the priority of your work. It doesn't mean that you need to go on a crazy lock-in this winter and not talk to anybody, means is you need to actually listen to what your body is telling you and if part of your body is telling you dude shut it out we got to like do some kind of rebuilding you have to listen

regardless of what people tell you there's always time i know that you know the rabbit tells you otherwise pointing at the clock but why would you want to change yourself and spend the energy of trying to mold into what somebody else would want you to be, instead of using that time and that effort to build yourself up and do the things that mattered. I think it's entirely about being seen, and I'm not going to lie to you, like, when you begin to act in the accordance that is good for you,

and you feel like I am doing something with my life that I'm proud of and I feel good about, there is no confidence trick that will make you more alpha you will exude the amount of confidence that will make you attractive to the people that you want to be attractive to for the longest time i think i was just looking at what people were telling me i needed to have as a man you know i needed to have like a blonde girl a brunette batty

When in reality, like, bro, I want somebody that I can have a family with. I don't really, I don't care what color creed nationality. I just want them to be nice. I think that I'm not upset that I went on so many dates and I had so many fumbles. I think you learn more about yourself. The worst, the date that you go on, you're like, wow, I'm thankful that I went on that because I never want to go on a date like that again. but we get so jaded in the people search that we don't actually take a second to be like,

is this a good person? Now, okay, when it comes to dating, how do we find good people to be around? How do we actually like attract people? Zerk, if you want to talk about attracting somebody in my life, what do I do, bro? Because right now, it's me in the pillow. That's what I'm sleeping with right now, okay? I get you, bro. I get you.

I know. It's difficult. I don't think you should beat yourself up for it because it's difficult for everybody to meet people. People are more insular than ever. And so what I have found in my life to be good is being the friendly pursuer. And being the friendly pursuer comes in honesty. And it comes in just being direct in a way that's respectful. Now I also realize that that's not going to be the same for every person.

For some of you, that might be very hard to do because of your experiences. Maybe you've gotten rejected like really badly by somebody who was just like being rude because they could. And I've had that happen a good few times. Trust me. But I think that if you act in an intention of good and you know when somebody, He says no to be like, okay, thank you. Have a nice day. What can really go wrong?

I think there's a lot of fear in going up to people and talking to people because you fear that you're going to come off weird. You're going to come off odd when people actually, they welcome it. They welcome it a lot more than you think. But your reference point does not support that because you haven't tried it. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo, the online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games.

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Nimble in traffic, agile and tight spots, and still spacious enough for weekend getaways. While available 4-motion all-wheel drive gives confidence in rain and snow, The capable taos, you deserve more confidence. Visit vw.ca to learn more. SUVW, German engineered for all. If you want to also date to quality people, be in quality places, do things that you would want your significant other to also be doing and be interested in. And I know, like, a lot of people talk about, well, should I go up to my gym crush?

Yeah, that's a tough one, bro. I'm not going to, I'm going to hold you. Like, that's kind of, I don't really know if you should go up to the Jim Crush. But also, like, one day we're not going to be here anymore. And all of this will still be here. All of that. So, why not? You're going to make it weird.

Okay. But who says also that you need to go up to them and be like, will you be my boyfriend will you be my girlfriend just get to know him just ask him like hey look what's your name oh cool you know oh where are you from oh dope i go to college here oh sick nice all right i see you here all the time like i'll bump into you again people really underestimate the idea of like repeat interactions like yeah you know it's cool to kind of get somebody's number once or whatever try to you know ris

but like rapport is built on repeat consistency and repeatedly getting in front of somebody and being like, hello, I exist. I don't think it's built on the swipes. Think about it. Hold on. Let's think about it. When you have a first interaction with somebody on a dating app, I think it's very easy to think, okay, like, you automatically, like, create a persona of this person in your mind based

on the voice snippets, based on the little, you know, text stuff, based on the photos that they've selected and sometimes edited because people do that. What? And then you are like kind of confused why they don't want to text you a lot and want to build that rapport. I feel like a lot of the best kind of relationships or kind of dates that, you know, have happened have come from just being in close proximity to other people, whether that was a club, whether that was like a friend group and organization. Like when you are able to see somebody

act in, you know, a repeat way and just kind of get to know them, that's when you actually get a judge of their character. And you don't get led into this like dark abyss of like who is this person. What? They cheated on me? Well, if you saw them interact with other people and they were kind of like not faithful, then you would kind of know. But we don't know that. We're put in the dark so much. So that's why, like, we're dating so many bad characters. I also think that there's just a lot of people that are dating that should not be dating, like, at all. You have no idea how many people have been hurt by the same archetype of person who's just trying to get revenge or trying to prove to somebody else that they're worthy, and therefore they're going on this, you know, tour of

heartbreak. Dating is, is difficult now. I, I, I, I don't disagree with it. You know, I'm happy to have my person. I feel very lucky and I feel very blessed. But if you are dating right now and you feel like, man, I just, I don't know if there's light at the end of the tunnel. There absolutely is. You got to get crafty.

You do. I had it easy. I had somebody slad into the DM and say, hey, what is your name? What do you bring? I think I got what you need and I'm trying to do anything that you please. You know, I had the, the, what's your name tactic? but that's not going to be everyone. I recognize that.

You have to find your own way. Zirk, come on, bro. Yeah, no, duh. Of course I need to. I know. That's an uncomfortable truth I'm going to let you in on, is no matter what advice somebody gives you, it really boils down to,

you have to figure it out for yourself. Because we are all so different that even if you try to take somebody else's advice of like locking in on the jossercise and figuring out how to, you know, look better, that might not work for you. It's not a guarantee. But what is a guarantee is acting within a principle of like, I'm going to be the best I can be.

I'm going to represent myself the best I can. I'm going to wear the things I like. I'm going to try to look good. And I'm just going to leave nothing on the table. You could even say, well, Zirk, even then, there's nothing is guaranteed. Yes, but that is life. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one.

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Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All Episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. That is life. Nothing is guaranteed ever. You think that your job is guaranteed when you get out of college. No, it's not. You can get fired any day. You think that your relationship is guaranteed. No, it's not. People change.

You think that the... way in which your brain works right now is going to stay the same and you're always going to have these insane beliefs about the world. No, it's not. It will change. It is now up to you if you accept the fact that you are going to change and you have to make something work for yourself or if you want to fight against it, which you will lose because change is constant and it will always change. Everything will change. So I'd rather work with what you have. have. You're striving for something that isn't, isn't you. It's just not. And I don't think you should be upset at that, but I think you should really think about your intentions, because maybe

your intentions of dating are wrong. Maybe you feel like you need to date because you've missed out. But do you want a relationship? Do you want to commit to somebody? Do you want to be there for somebody in hard times. Do you have the energy for that to go through some of the things you're going to go through of heartbreak, having to accept somebody where they are, having to realize that like nobody's perfect. And all of the things that people tell you about this needs to be your partner and they need to have these many bodies or whatever, you're going to get challenged on it. you will and if you're not ready for that I don't blame you maybe you got to spend some more time on your lonely you had to make a couple bands by your lonely rest in peace speaker knockers you know

most people that I think complain about dating they complain about dating because they don't know how to reflect on their own choices on the people that they pick and their true intentions I think a lot of people just want to be seen to be validated and feel less alone. And dating is a very cheap way of being able to do that. Because if you're somewhat attractive and you go on a date, of course you'll feel good. You might even get a kiss and get lucky, whatever. We up all night to get lucky. But will you actually be seen for who you are?

Or will you just have somebody look at your peacocking feathers and be like, that's a pretty bird? and then go on to the next. Zirky Show. I don't really know what dating is anymore. But one thing I know that you can control is asking yourself, why do you do it? Why?

What is the motive behind you going on a date? And is it a good one? Because if it's not, maybe we've got to change that. Today's episode of the Zerky Show was filmed in Cripple Creek, Colorado. If you're ever in Colorado, come check out the beautiful mountains, and heck, you might even find some gold. Zerky Show. It's everywhere you go.

That is correct. You can watch. You can scroll. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, these are the best ways to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy like getting a $10 latte. Guys, there's nothing.

It tastes better than inflation. I am so serious. No, I'm kidding. I just gave a tip. No, it made it $10. Anyways, if you're trying something new, just know, that I believe in you. And as always, Zirky Show, I am sending you lots of love and peace. When a country's productivity cycle is broken, people feel it in their paychecks, their communities,

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