the zurkie show - why do you change to feel loved

Episode Date: May 2, 2025

why should we try to be ourselves? what if we aren't our crush's type? isn't life all about changing? yes, but not for other people. "just be yourself" is cliche, but it's also difficult.being genuine isn't easy. it means opening yourself up to criticism and discomfort. but the pay off is being able to live your life in a way that feels real, not like you're having to fit a mold.stop performing for your crush. a real partner will be attracted to you for the person you are. but is only put on display if you truly let it.sending you lots of love and peeeeeeaaaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

There have been many moments in my life where I have struggled to be genuine. I've struggled to be myself because I knew somebody was watching. It didn't matter who that person was. It didn't matter if it was my crush, my hinged situation ship. It didn't matter if it was a family member or someone, I don't know, I didn't even know at all. I had the feeling that somebody was watching me. I always feel like somebody's watching. watching me.

And that's literally how I felt. Because in a good portion of my life, I feel like I have been performing for others. And I also wonder, if you have been, are you performing? Are you putting on an act? I don't know, it's easy to say that right. But oftentimes we can't even recognize

that we're putting on an act. because it's so deeply entrenched with who we are. We think that the act that we have put on for other people, that's us. And we get that completely served back to us, as if it's a bread bowl from Panera with French onion soup. That's usually my order. Extra cheese. And people say, no, no, this is who you are.

You are the person that is always happy. You are the friend that is always good. you are just the person who makes films. You can't make music. You are just the person who's going the law school. You don't do all this other creative stuff. You are just the person that I have decided to put in a box. And so what do we do?

Like, what do we do when we know that we are in this box, when we know that people see us a certain way. Well, some of us go against the grain and some of us really, really rebel against it. We say that does not define me, I define who I am, and actually we end up still performing. It's just the performance becomes combative. It becomes dismissive of the perspective

that is trying to be forced upon us or the idea of who we are. And sometimes we do that in a way that's really harmful to us. Maybe we think that we need to change physically. We need to get a certain kind of modification to our personality or even our body in order to show that, no, I am not like the person you think I am. But I also think, contrary to that, a lot of us just accept it. We hear that we are a certain kind of person. and we look around and say, well, so many people view me that way, I might as well perform for them.

And there is comfort in performing. There is so much comfort in being the person that somebody says you should be. I've performed more times than I can count in friendships and also in relationships. Oh, my God. I have performed so much in relationships. I have felt that I needed to be a certain way to keep my partner. I have felt that I needed to be hyper-masculent and alpha and chin-line jizzled in order to keep a person that honestly I just kept around because I didn't want to be alone.

I didn't even like them. I just didn't want to be alone. It really makes you think about why we act the way that we do. And it makes you really ponder if there is a middle ground. Can both be true? Can you accept some of the things that people say about you because you actually believe in them too

and they feel genuine and they feel like an extension of who you want to be? And can you also rebel against the ones that are just plain wrong? Both can be true. They can be. There's more to life than finding the perfect car. But finding the perfect car can help you get the most out of life. Like the SUV that handles everything from drop off to off road, and the car that hulls groceries and hockey teams,

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Nobody's taught me that of what is actually me and what isn't me. And let alone, like, there have been so many moments in my life where I was feeling immense discomfort with who I was. I was feeling immense discomfort with my life, the surroundings around me. I was not happy. I felt complacent. I felt as if everything didn't have a meaning to me. But it was because it wasn't real. None of my life was really mine.

I was just on a stage performing doing a little dance doing a little hey hey hey that's all I was doing for other people the entire time and it really took me

reflecting in a relationship that I had with a partner that I thought was very very pretty I got into this relationship because I was physically attracted to them and I thought that I just, all I needed to do was secure the good looking partner and that was going to solve everything because that's what everyone tells you. It's like, oh, just, you know, get someone that's good looking. That's

all that matters. Brother, no, that's not all that matters. And I was quickly brought into the reality when, you know, I had to go on a date. I went up to this person. I complimented them. I'm like, Let me take you out to eat, you know what I'm saying? Unks got a spot. Not chilies, but Unks got a spot. And so we went. And the fear of losing this potential person that I had told all my friends about that I had made a big commotion about and like, yo, I'm going on this date and this girl's so hot.

You know what I'm saying? Like, it made me lock in. But not in showing who I was. it made me lock in in performing for that other person. I did everything right. I told her everything she wanted to hear. I listened to everything carefully. I dissected everything.

And there came a point, funny enough, you know, after a few months where I reflected onto that first date and I realized, dude, I was not being genuine. I wasn't. I was doing everything except to be myself because I was scared. I was scared. And it's so weird because, you know, right now I'm at the Paramount Theater in beautiful Austin, Texas. I have gone in front of 1,200 people this weekend, and I've announced beautiful films that have been created by the Creator Camp cohort. if you know you know you should check them out but I also felt a lot of fear and I still performed

I still went out there but but this was different this was different than the time I had performed out of fear and instead of following my intuition and just showing up as me I decided I was going to dance around and try to be the ideal boyfriend that didn't exist. This is a different context, but it's kind of similar. I had a similar dilemma when it came to hosting this film festival. I thought, what do they want for me? Like, what do they want me to do? How can I be like the best host? How can I do the best thing? How can I show myself and prove that I am worthy? I had a fear of embarrassing myself, of making a grave mistake. But this time I realized that I've gotten to this place because of who I am,

because of how I interact with the world around me. And in that same moment where in the past, I would have been so quick to try to turn everything and make everything perfect about myself, so there were no flaws. I approached this pivotal moment in my life with that same grace as I would approach just being myself on the first date. I wish I was myself. And now seeing how it pays off to be yourself and how it pays off to just be honest, I've realized that I'm not performing. This is me. This is entirely me. The ride that steals the spotlight every time it hits the road, that's the Volkswagen Tiguan. Its sleek exterior

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Level up your business with FedEx, the new power move. And I'm very, very proud of myself for that. Maybe you feel right now like you've had to perform a lot. in your relationships, in your relationship to your parents, oh my goodness, there's so much performing there. Maybe you feel like you've had to keep people happy in your life because you don't want to let people down. It's a huge thing for me. I hate letting somebody down, knowing that I could have done a better job, knowing I had things I could leave on the table and I just, I messed it up. I want you to really ask yourself, you know, are you being fair?

to the people that you feel like you need to perform to. Is that really what they're asking for? Because I think that that girl at that coffee shop, she wasn't asking for me to perform to her. She just wanted to know if we were a good match. I think to certain family members in my life, they didn't want me to be perfect. They just wanted me to be.

And maybe your situation is different. Maybe you have people in your life that want you to be a certain way and they see you doing something that is very genuine and very, very beautiful and feels authentic to you as a threat to them. Because they could never do it. Because they never believed in themselves enough to do it. It's a complicated situation. It's a weird one. But maybe they're not meant to support you in that way. maybe they just don't understand it

it's just not something that they can do for you it's it's trying to chase approval but there's no approval to be given the person that would give you that approval they're simply not worth your time and at that point are you performing anymore

no no you're showing up as yourself simple as that you're like somebody in the crowd just watching life enjoying it and we don't do that enough man i i it's crazy i've had a really really wild month um i had a passing in my family you know i i have had so many changes within a span of weeks hit my line no hotline bling you used to call me on the cell phone not like that hit my line

And what it's really made me realize and all of that is, you know, no matter what happens, no matter what my lowest low is and what my highest high is, like the people that support me, the people that come to me and they are able to give me that, that love and care when I most need it, they love me because I am myself to them. and I give myself to them. What? You know what I mean. You know what I mean. I just am me. And that is all I try to be. This episode is brought to you by Tell Us Online Security.

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From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Sometimes it is cool to perform. Sometimes it's actually a lot of fun. You get to pretend you're somebody that you're not. You get to, you know, build yourself up in your mind as somebody that is way more suave, has more aura than you would like to admit. And that's cool. There is something to be said about faking it till you make it, you know?

Why not? but also, you know, at the same time, it's like you really miss out on so many opportunities and so many things in your life when you put out a version of you that isn't you. Because all you attract in are things that are trying to match that energy. They're trying to, you know, match what you're given out. That's how it works. And oftentimes, if you're putting out a version of yourself that, Let's be completely honest, you're not too proud of.

Yeah. People might come into your life with not the best intentions. Things might happen that are rough. And they will happen regardless. It's, you know, listen, it's like a random seed generator in Minecraft, bro. Sometimes the seed will be completely different. And for one person, they get diamonds in every ravine that they go to. And for another person, they can only find coal.

That's how life works. But it doesn't mean you can't still mine. It doesn't mean you can't still get things, get opportunities. Maybe you've got to move to a new bio. Maybe you've got to try something new in a new place. Maybe you need to stop performing and you need to start showing up as you. And it will not be fun. It will be very scary because you will have to be vulnerable.

And you will have to admit your short. and you will have to be honest about who you are. Yeah, 100%. But would you rather spend your time in this life? Meeting people, doing things that are meaningful,

spending your time in a way that feels as if you have some kind of connection to all of this. that feels real to you? Or would you rather just continue to perform and hope that somebody in the crowd can, huh, at one of your jokes?

But in reality, you don't even think it's funny. You don't even enjoy yourself. You don't even feel as if it matters. I don't know. There is no right answer. I know what works for me. I know that me being authentic is the best thing I'm at. The best thing I'm at.

Like, that is the thing I can do. And when I realize that it's also made me so comfortable with making mistakes, it's made me so comfortable with realizing that, no, I am not perfect, and actually I'm going to fail, have a lot of epic fails in my life. But I don't know about you, but I'd rather have an epic fail and follow it up with an epic win than say, I didn't try it at all. To say that,

nah, I just kept swiping. It's like, no, no. That video you have that you saved, that you're like,

oh, this is cool, I want to make something like this. Make it. Make it. That's you. No, no, but it's like, my friends or, you know, we were part of this, like,

more, you know, sporty group. I don't want to get on all that, you know, you're performing for them. All right, you're doing the dance. How many times do you want to be dancing in your life for people that don't care? Because they don't care.

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I've seen fear ruin a lot of people's lives. I've seen fear cripple people from doing incredible things and realizing that they were always enough and that they didn't need all of these excuses for why they should perform in front of others. and what they really needed was just one person to believe in them. And Zerke's show, this goes without saying, but I always believe in you. I'll let you in on a little secret.

I've always wanted to do this. I've always wanted to be in front of people on a stage talking, sharing what I consider to be my gift, something that I care about doing, which is uplifting people and making them feel good through my voice, through my yapping, through my vocal cords. but for a lot of my life I did not believe I could do it because I was performing. I was performing for everyone around me.

I was pretending that no, I'm going to get that corporate bag, which, hey, money is money. I'm not complaining. I was also convinced that, no, I think I'm just not good enough for it. And it wasn't until a few people looked me in the eyes and said, I see a talent in you. I see an ability to speak to people. And I think you should just give it a try. That's all they asked me to do was just give it a try.

And it's funny because what you see now is the result of me just giving it a try. That's all. Nothing more. It's my first time doing this. And it will be your first time doing it. But that is if you stop. performing and you just let yourself go into it and try it. It won't happen overnight. It isn't an easy thing to do. But again, I believe in you and I want to be the support that I wish I had.

I wish I just had one person earlier who said, I see the vision. I believe in this. You got this. and Zirky Show Are you performing? Because if you are I want to be in the front row seat but I hope that performance is genuinely you and it's not

doing that for somebody else. Did you know that the Zirky Show is everywhere you go? What? That is correct. You can watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it, the choice is yours if you want to tap in, tap in! A huge shout out to Creator Camp for letting me host this film Festival at the Paramount Theater. I really, really enjoyed my time, and I hope that everyone had a great time watching these truly remarkable creator-led films. Do the things that bring

you joy if you want to try something new. Try it. What do you have to lose? Some money? You can make it back. A lot of money? Ooh! Might be a little harder. No, but give yourself the grace. Try it. Don't feel like you need to perform for anyone. Do it for yourself. You'll be happy. that you did it. Zirky Show. I believe in you. And likewise, as always, I am sending you lots of love and frozen lasagna, medium power,

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