the zurkie show - why does it feel like I’m missing out?

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

I used to sit on snapchat on my free time, peering into the lives of people I barely knew. in my mind, it felt like I was going through a never ending hell while they lived their best lives.the fear of missing out drove me to seek out things I felt I deserved. it drove me to do things that were completely out of my character. it wasn't until my second semester of college that I realized... this wasn't who I wanted to be.I urge you to address your fear.sending you lots of love and peaaaaaace!!!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

For a while, I had a fear of being unlovable that I just, I wouldn't find anybody who found me worthy, not even one person. And I think that a way of tackling that fear and addressing that fear was putting myself out there. I feel as if when you meet somebody who's really meant to be in your life or they're meant to be your friend or you go through an experience that is sometimes unsettling. the best thing you can do is address the fear every time I have addressed the fear in my life I have met the coolest people I have done the coolest things and also I have come out the other end with so many experiences that were just like bizarre and life-changing for me like a big thing that I guess I have like a fear of is not doing a enough in my life. Like I really, really, really want to live a good life. And I mean, I really don't know

what that is. I used to think when I was younger, that meant that I needed a lot of money, that money meant a good life. And sure, I think that having resources is important, right? Like, you need a place to live. You need a place to sleep. You need good Chili's meals to eat for 60. Okay. Let's hold off on that. I don't want to get too worked up already. But that fear of not accomplishing enough while I'm still around on this planet and that fear of not being able to meet people that I feel as if are going to bring experiences and moments into my life that will teach me so many new things, I feel like that has been a driving force in my motivation, in my motivation to get up every morning. my motivation to put myself out there in front of people and see what happens.

Fear is one of the best feelings that if we lean into it can bring us some of the most incredible things. It can bring us stability. It can bring us accomplishments. It can bring us this feeling of content. If we address the fear in our life, we almost dumb it down a little bit. We almost make it palatable. Sometimes, like, the fear is not readily accessible. It's gate kept. It's like a bonus level in a video game. You have to get the DLC for it.

And oftentimes, we might feel as if, oh, I think I know what my fear is, but you don't really know it until you kind of have a conversation with yourself and try to pinpoint it. For a while, I had a fear of being unlovable. that I just, I wouldn't find anybody who found me worthy, not even one person. And I think that a way of tackling that fear and addressing that fear was putting myself out there. What does that mean? What does it mean to put yourself out there? I think it means championing your personality, your quirks, your weirdness, your awkwardness,

your tendencies to, you know, not feel social, your tendencies to, you know, to want alone time, your tendencies to want to fit in and knowing that that's not, that's not why somebody's going to accept you. They're probably going to accept you for the person that you are. And I think that was a big realization for me. Like, I am running away from the person that I am and I'm trying to craft a skin of a person that I'm just not. I'm just like not that person. And that was another fear. Oh my goodness, right? Like you would think that that would solve the problem. Okay, you feel unlovable. Change yourself. Get, get swole, get alpha. And then you're going to have the baddies in Dubai. Oh, you're good. Go ahead. It kind of just like stops you in

place. You're like, okay, that's what's going to address the problem. But once you start changing in that realm and it's not authentic to who you are, then you have another fear that pops up. And you're like, wait a minute, I'm not being myself. And what I'm doing instead is I'm attracting people into my life that are attracted to this like character of who I've become, but they're not attracted to me. They don't like me. They like, they like the, the show I'm putting on. The Zerky show you're putting on. Oh, weird, weird thought to have. The relationships that scare you the most because of how easy they are or how different somebody is, I feel like entertaining them is so important.

The experiences that you know if you did them, you would challenge yourself. You would challenge who you think you are. Those are the experiences that change your life. Fear, fear comes in different forms. I don't think it's a one shoe that fits all, right? It's not like a slipper. It comes in different types of shoes like Jordans.

It comes in different. There's Jordan 1, 2, 3, 4s. I used to always want the Jordan 4s. One day, please. It is so different. There are so many different kinds of fears. Maybe you have a fear that looms over your day-to-day. Maybe that fear is letting yourself down.

You're like, I really don't want to let myself down. I feel like in the past I've done that. Maybe that fear is the fear of letting others down. and that looms over, it looms over like a lot of the conscious decisions that you make. Because there's also fears like, you know, okay, I have a fear of being gone tomorrow and being like, no, I wanted to, oh.

I still wanted to try a Dubai chocolate bar. I didn't even have a chance to do that. I wanted to try the lava cake at Chili's. I didn't even get to try that when I went, you know? But that fear isn't one that is like, consciously like in my frontal lobe where I'm like oh like I'm not thinking about it every single day it's more of in the back of my mind it's kind of uh in an archive and there's also like fear that we just get

I think when we when we when we compare ourselves to other people oh gosh like the fear that I'm not doing enough I'm not good enough there's like a standard maybe that you see amongst your generation, amongst people that look like you. And you feel almost like, you feel like you're missing out. Oh, that's what I'm trying to say. You need to address the fear of missing out. The fear of missing out ruled over my life.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, brand. It ruled over my life for a good. years. It started when I went to community college, when I graduated high school in 2020, which was awesome. Not really. I had, uh, I had like one of those graduations, like a car parade. Brough. It was, it was an interesting time. And I remember after I graduated high school, I went to community college because I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had zero clue. And I kind of used community college as like a buffer zone. I'm like, oh, I'm going to take a gap year and stack my money.

I don't know one person who took a gap year and stacked their money. No, no, no, a lot of people have done that. But I was like, okay, I'm going to be different. I'm actually going to, you know, take community college seriously. I'm going to grind this. And, you know, I remember when I, when I would, like, go to sleep, I would go on Snapchat and just, like, watch some of my friends' stories. I would just see, like, what's up, you know?

And everybody seemed like they were having such a, oh, my gosh. such a blast, such a good time. Meanwhile, my life was all online. Like, I had all of my classes online. I never stepped foot in my campus, like, ever. And also, I worked, like, 20, 30 hours a week. So when I wasn't doing school and I wasn't doing coursework, I was just grinding at, like, a retail job, which it was fine. It was okay.

mentally it was a little bit rough there were moments where I really just like I felt like I was I was gonna be trapped there forever like I needed to get out like the movie get out I needed to get out of there man

great movie by the way if you haven't seen it I just had this this looming feeling that everyone except me was having a party in their life every single day that everyone except me was just doing things that they were jotting down in their journals and being like, this is what it's like

to have the best college experience. Oh my gosh, I'm having, I'm meeting my best friends. I'm doing all of these things that are making me become a better person that I'm like having so much fun in. Meanwhile, I am like struggling to just like find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. And I don't feel alone on this. I think that there is such a pipeline of people who graduate high school, They don't really know what to do. So they kind of take up a job or something. And then everyone they know goes off to college. And it seems like they are enjoying their life.

And it's like you are working something and trying to figure your own stuff out. You have less time to do so because you're working. And maybe your situation is different. Maybe you actually have people that you have to like, you know, provide for. You have family members. You are a huge part of the working family group. It sucks, man. It sucks seeing people like have the time of their life.

And you're kind of just like, why is that not me? Like, why am I not bawling out? And man, I can only imagine how many of you out there are maybe listening to this. And you are right now living at home. Maybe you just graduated high school you're about to. you don't know what you want to do with your life, which nobody ever does. Nobody ever does. But you're working some kind of job and you're just like at night seeing all of your friends living a lifestyle that you wish you could have.

Maybe their parents are able to, you know, send them off to a school, not have them work. And it feels unfair. And it is. It is unfair. But that fear of missing out, I don't think that. people understand that it's not actually doing that thing that is going to solve it. Because I did that thing. Oh, I did it.

I remember, I saw so many people having the college experience that you see on TV. I was like, okay, I'm going to do that. That's what I need to do. Everyone's doing it. I addressed the fear. And I thought I addressed it in the right way. I'm like, I'm going to go to a school. I'm going to try to, you know, fit in.

I'm trying to go out, meet people, you know what I'm saying? Live that life. And I went to a college. and I felt more of it. I felt more FOMO. How is that even possible? I went to the place. I was there.

But then I realized what the FOMO actually meant for me. It was the fear, it was the fear of not believing that what I was doing and that my path was important. That was really where this fear stemmed from because I liked what I was doing at the community college.

Yes, it was rough at times, but I had so much time to focus on my own projects. I had so much time to, like, journal, reflect and actually ask myself the questions that were necessary in order to know, okay, where do I want to go in five years time? Where do I want to go in 10 years' time? I had so much freedom to travel and go around. And the things that I, you know, utilized while I had this experience, I took them for granted because now in this new place, I had to succumb to this college lifestyle. I couldn't travel as much. I couldn't go and visit my friends all across the country whenever I wanted to.

Uh-uh. All of that was gone because I had school, because I had classes and they were in person. Then it became a realization of, okay, this fear, this fear is just me doubting myself. That's really what it is. It's me doubting that my path is mine and that it will work out. And instead, what I am doing is I am taking this doubt. I am internalizing it. I'm looking at somebody else and being like, dang, they seem to have it figured out.

Dang, that's what I want. A good bit of them now are wandering through their lives aimlessly. They don't have any idea of what they even want to try. There's no clue, no clue. Because a lot of that time was spent indulging in a lifestyle that delays any kind of thinking. That's like the truth. I'm just giving one perspective. I think it's so important to live up your youth and like do those things.

I do those things. I love it. I love going to a good party. I love hanging out. I love, you know, doing some dancing, some impromptu trip planning. I love all of that. But I also do love knowing that I'm doing something for me at the end of the day. Like I have some kind of goal or some kind of aspiration.

that is very much entrenched in what I want to do. Because the biggest fear that I addressed, right, was not living up to my full potential. That's the biggest fear. And I think a lot of us share that fear. A lot of us maybe have this kind of voice in our head that's telling us, no, no, no, we're a little bit different. Maybe we feel like we can provide something, do something that's unique.

And that's a great thing. If you recognize that and that speaks to you right now, that's a good thing. You should not push that away because maybe that voice is pushing you to build something for the rest of us to make something that's going to improve all of our lives. Maybe that voice is actually something that's going to help you break a toxic cycle within your family. maybe that voice is telling you that, you know what, I really want to focus on learning more about myself and actually trying to come to peace with some of the turmoil and some of the fears that I have within me.

And I think sometimes the best way to address fear is by honestly just being open about fear. I found that when I started to open up, and, you know, not in a sense of like trauma dumping on somebody or just being like, oh my gosh, this is bad, this is bad. But I more started to be just honest of like, yo, hey, I'm reaching out to you. I'm a little afraid that maybe I said something that upset you. I'm a little bit, you know, wary of our last conversation. I just want to check in and make sure everything's good. once I started leaning into that fear it really it really just gave me solace it gave me peace talked about friends earlier right I had a friend reach out to me and ask to kind of get some closure and I remember when I saw the text I was like oh my goodness I was I was

afraid I was afraid because I knew I had to I had to do it I knew because because when the fear was there, I'm like, this is something that needs to be done. I need to address this. And I need to be honest about my mistakes and like my shortcomings. And that's a hard thing to do. That's not a comfortable thing to do, you know. But I was so willing to just kind of to do it. I was so willing to let this fear temporarily kind of sit on me.

And, you know, just be like, okay, this is really weighing me down right now. This feels like it's a lot of pressure. I'm not going to feel comfortable when I do this, but I know that afterwards, like, the fear is temporary, and worst case, it doesn't work out. A worst thing she can say is no, bro. I mean, worst thing, you know, she could chew me out on the phone

and she could be like, you're terrible and, you know, insult me. But that's also listening to the fear. That's also letting the parts of the fear that are like the scariest, you know, hyper fixating on that. It's not seeing the other perspective at all, which is like, you know, the faith of a certain situation. And being like, well, you know what? Yeah, yeah, I'm afraid that things might go wrong. But what if it went right? What if I just go at this at an angle of honesty?

I have nothing to hide. What if we come to a agreement? What if we actually hear each other out and we rekindle a friendship? What if I choose to be honest about how I feel about things and I don't run away from it? That was a big fear for me too. I used to be very avoidant. Growing up, I felt like a lot of disagreements and a lot of, like arguing was kind of not a good thing. at least in my eyes, which I think you need to argue sometimes.

You need to have disagreements. Now, there's a healthy way of doing it, and I think a lot of the times we let emotions kind of just like take control of what we say, and we end up saying some really messed up things. I think a lot of hurtful things can be attributed to just people who are overly emotional, and they were digging deep into their bag and, like, finding other, other things, you know, to throw at you. They wanted to throw a marble at you, you know,

and it was going to cause you, let me like, ow, you know, that hurt a little bit. But instead they reach into their bag. They took out a brick and a hammer, and they just chucked it at you. And you're like, where is this coming from? Like, how is this even fair, you know? Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like, Ojo time.

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Please sit and sit. Play. Post. Taste. Mm. View. And enjoy. via rail love the way but I've learned that my fear of addressing certain situations

it was it was causing me to run away from those situations it was causing me to like not want to to avoid it it was causing me to entirely avoid it and that just that was really really detrimental because there were a lot of moments in my life where I wish I could have stood up for myself where I wish I could have been like, hey, I don't like this, where I just chose to be silent. I just chose to let it build up in the background and then eventually it just burst and that's not healthy. I don't think it's healthy. I can sit here and be like, oh, that's just the way that I do things. But I don't want to do things that way. I'd rather I talk through something that happens immediately than just like let it kind of burrow.

and simmer. I don't want it to boil over. I'd rather cook, you know, consistently. Literally let him cook. Like, Onsen, let him cook consistently. And I think that's become a fear of mine. Is this, it's a, it's avoidance. I am really fearful that I will avoid things.

And it's, it's sometimes very scary for me to confront, like, a partner or like a friend or a family member. Because I'm like, well, in the past when I was honest, it would cause discomfort. And we want to be comfortable. Because in the past, when I would address these kind of things with honesty, it would cause discomfort. And I want people to be comfortable, you know? We all want to be comfortable. So when it's uncomfortable, it's odd.

Why would we want to lean into that? But on the flip side, it's like so important because that fear is temporary. when I go and lean into it and when I do actually address a problem, I feel so much better. I feel like a whole weight has been lifted off my shoulders, right? Like I said before, it's like the different type of fear kind of dissipates and you're like, oh, wow. I made that in my mind so much bigger and worse and scarier than it actually was. It's actually not that bad.

It's really not that bad. It's the same thing right now. maybe you feel like you are missing out on experiences in your youth because of the way the world is, because of certain decisions that you made right earlier on in your life. And you're like, man, everyone has a cooler life than me. And maybe you suppress that. Maybe you're trying to run away from those thoughts. And I think that that's not the way to solve it.

If you want to really stop feeling that way, I think you need to address the fear. you have to lean into it. You have to be like, well, why am I feeling this kind of fear of like my path not working out? Why do I, why do I feel this? Like, if I genuinely want to do this, why do I feel like I need to do it before I'm age, you know, 18, 25, 28? Why do I feel like I have this clock on me when I have my entire life to figure this out and to make things work? The last thing I'll say is just I've witnessed a lot of people in. my life where fear ruled their life.

And comfort was the only thing they understood. It is a choice. It is a choice. Maybe you grew up a certain way that was uncomfortable. You didn't like it. And you find that having peace and quiet and having no fear gives you peace of mind. I'm not one to say that you shouldn't have that. I think that every case is nuanced, but if you do feel as if you have been letting fear make decisions in your life over your own volition and your own desires, you are on a long road to regret.

That's where it's going to take you. regret and it only takes shifting one degree off of that angle to go someplace completely different you don't have to be someone who's like you know seeking the fear where you're you're jumping off a cliff in Norway with those you know those like wing suits gliding through the sky because you want adrenaline and it scares you so you're doing it you don't have to do that you don't have to change that much, but maybe something you've been fearful of is opening up to someone in your life. Maybe something you've been fearful of is believing in yourself and being like, I can do this. I can get paid more for what I'm worth. Maybe something you've been fearful of is getting

in front of a camera and sharing your story. And you have two options. You can continue down that path and probably what you're experiencing right now is what you will continue to experience. So at least you know that's the trajectory. Some things might change, right? Results vary. But there is another reality where you do address the fear, where this becomes true. But there is another reality where you do address the fear and you do lean into it and you do look at fear as a challenge, as something to welcome, something to nurture, and be like, ooh,

that that is really, that scares me a little bit. Let's lean into it. Let's see why. Is it the thing that scares me or is it me being judged that scares me? Is it the person that scares me or is it the fact that that person will really learn who I am that scares me? And that alone, just having that go through your mind alone will make you realize that, wait a minute, there are certain things that scare me that I really want to do, that I actually would really want to do. And if that's the case, Zirky Show, you already know what you have to do. You have to address the fear and go after it. Go after it, Zerky Show. Come on. Notification. I have made a PO box. If you want to be featured on a brand new show that I'm working on called Mail Time with

Cirkey, this is the way to do it. Send your questions, letters, whatever you would like on your own volition, of course, to this PO box. Hope to see you there. Did you know that the Zirky show is everywhere you go? What? Yes, this is true. You can watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it. The choice is yours, so if you want to tap in, tap in. But just know, the Zirky Show is here to stay every day. and that will not change. I missed all of you so, so much. It's good to be back. I hope y'all are doing super, super good.

And if you're trying something new and you need someone to believe in you, I believe in you, that is a reason to go out and just try it. Zerky Show. I am sending you lots of love. And peace.