the zurkie show - why does letting yourself down hurt so much

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

when it's someone else, we can deal with it.when it's our own selves, we drown in guilt and shame.maybe we need to realize that it's only temporary, we can change.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

How do you deal with disappointing yourself? How do you deal with the idea that, like, things were going good? You were on a roll, and then one thing ticked you off and reminded you of all your past mistakes and how much you don't deserve anything in life. I'm risking losing everything because I'm not allowing myself to just do what's fun and enjoy life. Instead, life needs to feel like a grind, and if it doesn't feel like a grind, that means I'm not doing enough. failed as a man. A lot of these like kind of thoughts come from my warped perception of masculinity that I need to change because for me it's like that is what a man is. It's suffering and it's suffering

continuously. But I love doing hard things. But continuously suffering sucks, especially when you don't need to. Like a lot of the things that I put pressure on myself to do, I don't need to do these things. I don't need to be super like financially on top of everything because the world is going to end. Like yeah, I mean, it sucks right now, but like we're chilling. There's food on the table. I'm alive. I have all my limbs. I have everything. I'm not grateful. And instead I'm looking at everything I don't have because I believe that I am superior to a normal human being. it's an issue i get i have a lot and it's not even on some ego splish because i don't think i'm better than anyone but it's more of this i don't think i should go through the normal issues of being a

human because i should be a machine and just deal with my emotions without giving them attention and instead that that turns into rage and anger i know that might be kind of hard to believe but it does and angry zirk says some really dumb things and you know what like today i had a really bad day i just like wanted you know i wanted the smoke with myself mainly and that transpired to everyone else and i have to now like deal with picking up all the pieces of that which is the hard part because when you're in this like fit of rage sometimes it's so easy to like cocoon yourself in this idea that you're such a bad person and you don't deserve anything and it's it's cool and it feels good it feels dirty but it feels good to like you know talk bad about yourself and call yourself a loser and an idiot and all these

things and then afterwards you kind of are looking at your self-worth as a shattered piece being like wow that was embarrassing it was it was so embarrassing but that's where i'm at right now yeah that's where i'm at i won't lie i won't try to act like i'm perfect because i'm i'm the i'm not perfect at all but i'm human you know and i'm learning and i guess like it's a it's a whole process of just dealing with your emotions and it's funny because I feel like I can act out on these things to myself. But if I was there to help somebody else through something, I would be the first one to be like, don't give into that.

Don't let that be such a huge thing. It's just a, you know, it's just a moment. You're dealing with just a single moment in time right now. But it's easier to talk to somebody else that way than it is to talk to yourself. Because this is a common, like, pattern I'm noticing. It's just like one thing will tick me off. And part of me wants to just say, I'm not, I'm not good enough, I'm not tough enough, and like nobody else deals with this. I'm just like a loser and an idiot. But the other part of me is like, that's not true. There's obviously

something that is causing me to feel this way. And I got to figure that out because it's just not, it's not helpful. It doesn't help me. And it doesn't help the people in my life around me. So it's, it's confusing. Maybe part of doing that is realizing what self-worth are you getting from the things that you do. And without those things, do you still have some kind of self-worth? Without accolades, without good test scores, without a good salary, without everything on paper going right that would make your perspective towards others look incredible. Are you still a stand-up human being? do you still feel proud of yourself?

And maybe for me, one thing that I've noticed is, like, the externals really matter for me. Like, I want to be really good at what I do. And when I fall short of that, I am just like, I have the evidence to be like, oh, my gosh, I am like a loser. And I'm, you know, I'm, this idea becomes a reality because I allow it to. when in in truth like I should just look at that and learn from it and be like okay I didn't get the result I wanted like why is that okay I got rejected going up to this person being like hey do you want

be my friend why did I get rejected like was there anything that I could do and I think I just want things to be working all the time and when they don't I put the blame on myself as being the cause of it when in reality, like, just because I didn't get my to-do task done yesterday, yeah, maybe it was a lack of discipline, but maybe I just, like, needed to take a break for a day and watch Sopranos with my family, because that show is awesome. I really like it. I've only seen, like, a couple episodes, and I'm hooked, bro. It looks fun. Yeah, but it's so weird. I'm going to have to go back to the house, and I'm going to have to confront all the... the demons that I let out.

And that's going to be really a rude awakening for me. And, you know. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Jo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum

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Please play responsibly. Concerned about your gambling or that of someone close to you. Call 16-531-260 or visit connexonterio.ca. At your lowest, there's no point in just giving up. There never is. At your lowest, when you feel the impeding doom, when the time clock is ticking and that rabbit is showing you, you know, all roads lead to Rome, you can still do so much with your life. And it doesn't mean that you should just clock out early. I've had some really dark thoughts this year.

And I didn't really want to talk about it. Because it was something that, like, part of me believed was performative. But I struggle with sometimes the idea of, like, you know, am I good enough for this world? Because if I keep making mistakes, why do I deserve to be? here but you are the the biggest critic of your own mistakes you're the person that holds the most weight on all the small things that you do wrong you're the person that believes all the bad in you when most people see all the good in you and it's not to say that you can't you know

impact people with your mistakes but i think that if you have the ability to learn from what you do and what happens in your life and, you know, the fumbles and also the crashouts, all this stuff. I know at the core of it, you're a good human being, and people deserve to have you here. People deserve to have you at Thanksgiving, you know, at Christmas dinner. There's a lot of people that care about you. It's just hard to admit that they do because when your internal dialogue is rooted to tear everything you do good apart because it's not good enough, obviously. Any compliment, any love that you get externally just does not add up to it. You're operating from this insane U.S. debt style, like billions of debt points, you know,

of negativity against yourself. So, of course, like, you're cooked. I think that this, like, next phase of my life is, about fixing these patterns so I can actually live the way that I want. And I don't have to be chained to my mind. I used to think that like, oh, you know, the real, you know, what is it called when somebody's whipped, right? Like the real whiffing is no whipping.

The real whiffing is like, oh, you get cuffed, and then you have a girlfriend, you can't do anything. or like you get a job and then it's over like you get that you can't travel anywhere but it's actually your mindset that is you if you get whipped to your mindset you are chained you are you are going to be working against a mirror that shows you the worst sides of you that don't exist and you will treat yourself in that way and you will believe the things that your mind has to say about you. And it's weird because I thought I like tackled this, but I didn't.

I think I put Band-Aids over it and I allowed accolades and like, you know, success or like, oh, the fact that I'm going out with somebody and I got a relationship and I got friends and stuff distract me from the fact that like my mind still wants to destroy me every day. It sits quietly in the back, but as soon as I kind of have like a moment where I'm like, God, dang it, man, like what's going on? It just lunges and says, give me that. And just, it tears me to pieces. It really does. And it sends me down a really dark spiral, Zirky Show.

And that's where the disappointment lies in the fact that I should have caught that. I should not have let the fact that I, you know, dented the fridge on accident because I opened the car door a little too quick be such a huge problem, which is such a niche thing. But, you know, that happened today. And I just was so pissed off because I want to do everything right. And that was an example of just like I could have thought and not done that, but I made a mistake. And instead of being like, all right, whatever, like it's a dent. Who cares? And it's a fridge.

It's not like it destroyed the fridge. I just like that incited this like rampage of self-hatred, of self-hatred, that I can't do anything right and it affects other people and, you know, I don't deserve anything. It's funny to look back at it, but when you when you actually study it in the moment, you can't see. You're in the fog of hatred. There is no, there is no bright side. You know, I even went for a walk and the whole time. I was just doing. So there's something deeper within me that I really need to examine and I got to take it seriously because

just putting it off doesn't work because you get numb to things in life. You get numb to when things are good. And if you are someone who their entire life has been taught to problem solve, you will seek out problems where they don't exist. Whoopsies! But that is the case. so you will find and pick apart every bit of you that isn't perfect and that will give you a false flag to basically be like

how can I make myself miserable today which you shouldn't do and at the end of it all like the sun still sets you know it's still beautiful to exist and be here and all these thoughts are just thoughts but us giving them weight and us allowing them to kind of live you know, rule our lives is what so many of us struggle with. And I'm no exception. I do as well. And a lot of them are selfish. And a lot of these thoughts are rooted in insecurities of, you know,

what if I'm not making enough money? What if I don't have this? What if I don't have that? What if I'm coming off like this to other people? It is not a reflection of you. These are a lot of these thoughts are just societal things, things you've heard on. line, you know, don't let yourself get bogged down and all the bad. You have to give yourself equal weight to the good. That's a hard thing to do, and that's why you should do it. You should do hard things. You should challenge yourself. And if you have the ability to just try and be like, what am I, what am I doing? That's okay. And that isn't so terrible. Why should you not? The Zirky Show, why should you not? Because the alternative is staying.

miserable and it's staying in the state of disappointment that you're never going to be good enough, which isn't true because you already are. It's now what can you build on top of the foundation? What are the things that you can do for yourself that matter and make you happy? Stop chaining yourself to all the bad in your life. There's a lot of good. Zerky Show. Today's episode of The Zerky Show is filmed in beautiful Cripple Creek, Colorado. Colorado is gorgeous. Look at this sunset. Look at these beautiful hills and mountains. Come check it out. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, these are the

best ways to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Do the things that bring you joy. Do the things that bring you joy. No matter how big, no matter how small. If it's getting yourself ice cream, if it's calling a friend, just remember to do those things. That's how you stay happy. this life. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you, Zerki Show. And as always, I am sending you lots of love and peace.