the zurkie show - why we don't believe in love

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

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It's not true. Being in a relationship, it's not easy. It's not easy. I don't know why I was led to believe that it would be. Why I was led to believe that it will be the most bliss in the entire world all the time. But I was lied to. And there's a good chance you're being lied to right now. Man, a lot of people think they want to be in a relationship. But the truth is, They just want to say that they are in a relationship. They have no idea the amount of work, the amount of, quite frankly, suffering that goes on sometimes when you have another person by your side. But if you decide that you'd never want to be in a relationship, you never want to entertain the idea of sharing a life with somebody else, I'll warn you that you are probably missing out on one of the most beautiful experiences you can have as a human being. Because what's the point of any of this, if not to share it with somebody? I know, okay, maybe the point of all this is to just exist, and yes, I mean, that's true too. But there is something so beautiful about having a cherry on top of your life Sunday,

and that being someone that you can share the good and the bad with. But if you want that, and you genuinely want that, not because you see it on here as something that seems cool, not because your friend is in one, but you want to show love to somebody else in your life. You have to be open. That's the secret that nobody will tell you you have to be open. What does that even mean?

it means that oftentimes we think that we need to build a caricature of the person that we want to, you know, attract into our lives. Now, it's okay to have standards. I mean, you should have that. And it's good to have values. That's also very important. You don't want to just spend your time with anybody. I mean, you could, hey, you do you. You do you, girl.

But if you want to make it count, then I think it's important that you have some kind of idea of what would, be important to you? What are the attributes of a potential person that could, quite frankly, like, make life easier? And once you have that down, I think that you have a good basis for what you're looking for in a relationship, in a partner. But here's what you don't really understand yet, and I'm starting to learn that right now. You will not get perfect. You will not get the the person that you dream about when you're falling asleep that, oh, this would be so nice if they did all of this. You won't get that. There's a good chance you won't.

Because if you hold that glass box of expectations over your head, you won't be able to see true love. You won't be able to see it because that's not what it's about. Being open is recognizing that your partner might have a completely different. backstory to the one that you want. You might meet them in a way that's completely opposite of what you have dreamed of. But if you allow it, everything will work out in a beautiful way and you will be able to at the end of the day share your joy with somebody else. And I think that we've lost track of the goal, man. I have been like indoctrinated into believing that my woman needs to be a certain way. I need to have this, partner. This partner cannot have, they could have not been with anyone in this amount of time. Oh my. I just like, am looking for stats. I'm not even looking for character. I'm not even looking

at how do they treat me. The stuff that matters. I don't know. Maybe that's me being a sim. But if that's being a simp, then I'm sorry that's being alive. And I'm sick of, I'm sick of having my emotions be shown as something bad in the world. I have love. I want to give it. And if that makes me less of a man, so be it. And if it really makes you less of a man to be with a certain person that you know you love, so be it.

Because I'm sorry if anyone can label you that. I don't think they're in any place to talk. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Jo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum withdraws.

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You're gambling or that of someone close to you. Call 16-5-3-1-2-600 or visit connectxonterio.ca. Being open means that you don't judge. That you have an open mind. Even if you have insecurities, you listen and you hear people out. Being open also means that you trust.

You trust. Now, it doesn't mean that you're naive. It doesn't mean that you trust everybody because I'm sorry, not everybody can be trusted. But it means that you understand you will be uncomfortable, that a relationship will take so much work. And there are going to be moments where you feel guilty, bringing something up, but it pains you.

And a true partner and someone who truly loves you for you will be like, yeah, that's valid. I see your perspective. Being open is so difficult. It's so difficult because you will find probably that in a relationship, all of your preconceived notions about another person, about another gender, about another race, whatever is completely wrong. All of it. All of it. All of it. And oftentimes, your view of the world will change. Sometimes it changes for the better. Oftentimes, when we get

hurt, though, it changes for the worse. We group that kind of person, that archetype of person, that gender of person as all one entity, all one thing. They all want one thing. They all want to harm me, harm my family. That can only do so much for you. And I don't want to operate in a life of fear. That's my biggest fear, is that I'm too scared for anything. And you know what?

I realized I have to be open. I have to be open. It's a big thing about love, man. You have to be open. you will get heartbroken you will have people that will drag you face first in the mud and if you can learn from it and you can make changes to how you look at the apple orchard and not pick you know bad or even if you pick bad you just you're graceful and you're like all right this taught me something you know yeah i got my feelings hurt but we're chilling that's all you can really ask of yourself but we don't look for that we look for perfection and oftentimes we look for somebody who we can we can like show off as covering all the

imperfections we have and all the insecurities we have and that is not what being in a relationship is about that's not what it's about but that's what we use it for that's how I would use it and again it just it took me to places that weren't good for me how are you supposed to understand that you will have to have a conversation

know about somebody's past until you have it. Like you don't really get that until it happens until you experience it and you're like, oh man, this is like this is actually affecting us way more than I thought.

How are you supposed to know that small things you do might actually, you know, add up and it's something that pains somebody else? You had no idea, you do it subconsciously, but it affects somebody else. How are you supposed to know that? I mean, there are so many aspects to a relationship that you just learn on the fly,

and that's part of it too. You have a feeling about somebody that you like somebody and you're like, a BFGF, you know what I'm saying? And they say, A, yes. But that's like step one. And there are so many steps, man. There are so many steps to having something good. And there's no finish line.

That's another thing. We think that the relationship is the trophy. No, no, it's not. No, it's not. That is the first step. You get into it, and then you have to build. You're like a construction worker with your significant other. You have to build.

And if you don't build a good foundation, even if you build the Burj Khalifa, it'll all come crumbling down. Being in the building phase, like, you really, you have to be open. You have to be open. Because you will realize quickly if you truly do like somebody, love somebody,

feel like you could have a life with somebody. When even when they tell you the hardest things to swallow, you're still like, yeah, that's, that sucks. But I'm here for you. And I'm here for us. And that's not an easy thing to do. Because especially now, it is very, very hard to open up, man. It's hard to open up.

It's hard to be vulnerable. I've learned in my lifetime that that is the one thing that has actually let me live a good life is being vulnerable. But, you know, growing up, that was weakness. That was always weakness. It's weak. Wow, you would give that kind of person a shot that's weak. You're a weak man. It's so freeing to break away from that now.

Because I know who I am as a man. I know who I am as a person. And that doesn't define me. What defines me are my actions. And why I'm vulnerable? What purpose does it serve? And maybe I just need to be vulnerable because that's how I'm feeling and that's fine too. and maybe you need to do that.

Maybe it's about having that discussion with your girlfriend about that one thing that happened a few months ago that was kind of odd that you felt disrespected by. Maybe it means talking to your partner of a few years and being like, hey, this still hurts me when you make fun of this insecurity that I have and I think we should be open and have a dialogue about it.

It's so sobering. I have had to address a lot of my own insecurities, especially with other people, because a lot of my insecurities stem from, truthfully, just insecurities of myself. And I see that reflected in other people. And, you know, I'm in an instance where I really feel deeply about somebody. And maybe that person reminds me of parts of me that I'm like, I feel not good about this. and it's weird because now I've realized that these problems in a relationship they actually, I'm open about it and I know that they're

problems with me. Oh man, you don't catch a break in this life, bro. Everything, everything. Well, most things lead back to you in some kind of way. And maybe I'm thinking too deep about it, you know. There's also that. It's really not that deep. But I'm taking it pretty deep.

deep. My goodness. Really? Dude, I'm gonna subpoena my brain to stop doing these kind of things. I'm taking it really deep. Yes, because it is deep. But you have to be open, man. You have to be open. I wish I could tell my younger self, bro, just like, get ready. Your life view is not reflective of actually how the world is and how the world is, it'll change your life view, but there are certain things about the world that actually are better in your life view if you know how to perceive them correctly.

You know, we often look at like turmoil with our partner as like a bad thing or like a, you know, a disagreement, a discussion, an argument as a bad thing. When in reality, that builds your relationship. That's a building block. You have a fundamental disagreement. Okay, you talk about it. it's like you talk about it you figure out where both of you stand okay great the building block is there now you can add another one and maybe that one is like you two eating the new crumble cookie

together i don't know i'm filming it i don't know maybe that's something you did that's oddly specific but you know that's another building block i've just i've i've i've stopped wanting everything to feel mundane. And I've stopped wanting my life to feel safe. I think a lot of us like safety. And that's good. That's a good thing. You should, you know, it's important to be safe. But I've realized that if I want to be with a partner, if I want to be loved, I need to be open. If I want to give love, I have to be open. And you probably have to be open too. I don't want to say that the way that you look at relationships is wrong because in reality there's no correct way to look at relationships. All I can tell you is from my personal experience, the idolized version of what a relationship is

is just not the truth and that's not where the value lies. I think relationships really lie in the work. Like it feels good to do the work in them. And that kind of, you know, you have to have somebody where it feels like it's, you're, you feel good about doing the work, right? You enjoy working with them. Because oftentimes we get jaded by like, oh, well, they're, they're a gym girl or like, they're a goth e-girl. And it's like, okay, that's great. That's a great skin that they're wearing.

But like, what are, you know, who are they? When you, you know, get your wrong order at noodles and company, are they going to throw the noodles at the server? Are they going to be like, I got the wrong noodles, whatever, I'm going to still eat it? You know, what kind of, what are the character traits that resemble that kind of person that you want? Are they feisty? Are they pretty nonchalant?

Are they loving and expressive and do they, you know, hold you? Or are they more chill? And they like to go on a walk once in a while. It really comes down to that. And also, like, when, not. not if, but when you have a disagreement, what does that look like? How do you communicate?

What is the protocol for talking to each other? Is it screaming? Is it yelling? Or is it a civil discussion where you feel heard and seen? Like, those are the characteristics that are important. The other stuff is all really bells and whistles. I don't know. Maybe that's how I feel.

But I know that, especially within our generation, we care so much about looks, that looks are everything. And looks play a part. You know, you want to be attracted to your partner. It's not like you don't. But I think the problem is that we're overcompensating on looks. We're prepping ourselves up to look a certain way to other people that will fit the mold when our character is lacking entirely.

We can't even have a conversation to save our life. We're so passive that we can't even express that something is hurting us. us. And so we build resentment in our relationships. Like that's, no wonder these things are failing. We've got it backwards. But who am I to say that? I like, I don't know. You know, maybe, maybe it is all looks. I just know in my experience, every time I've gone with that, it's epic fail. Epic fail. Like, every time. And so I remember I had a moment, like last year where, like, I'd just gotten back from like a tour with a, with a band. I was gone for a long time.

I went to New York to help with an artist project. I was on the move, like, for a whole, like, three months. And I remember being like, man, I, I really have a lot of love I want to give. And I witnessed on this escapade, right, escapade, right? Or on this journey that a lot of, a lot of the people around me, they were in relationships. And they were doing pretty good, you know. They were in healthy relationships. They were walking. It's so cute. And it felt I felt like I I wanted that. I wanted to

to love somebody and I wanted to give love and receive it. But I also knew what that meant. At least I thought I did. But I also knew that I had to make a sacrifice, which was if I want to love somebody for who they are, I have to be open. This is the only way I'm going to find it. Because the minute that I start dissecting that person and trying to find the flaws, it's over. It's done. Now, does that mean that, you know, I didn't have bad dates and I found people that I was like, wait, something is off with you? Yes.

But it also meant on the contrary, when something was good, I did not deny myself from a good thing. And I recognized. I'm like, this is good. This person communicates really well. This person shows love in the way that resonates with me. It feels real to me. Both had to be true. I was honest about what I didn't like as well.

I knew I have to be open. I have to say, yo, this is kind of concerning me. I don't like this. You know, this X that you've been talking to. I don't like him. Which, okay, if your person of interest is talking to any X at any time, it's not worth it. I'm just being so for real. Haven't had one person I know who's been like, yeah, you know,

she was talking to her ex or like he was talking to his ex and it ended beautifully no we've played these games before absolutely not but it meant i had to be open and i also had to be like okay there's you know there's a reality that the person that i'm going to be able to love that you know loves me they're not going to be perfect they might have a troubled past they might have certain insecurities they might be doing better than me. And I feel insecure about that, you know? Whole range of emotions. But I was open to it.

I'm like, all right. If I really want this, I need to be open to this because if I keep going down this path right now, it's just not going to work. Like I keep thinking that, you know, everyone I come in contact to, they're not good enough. But the truth is that I'm not open to it at all. I'm not and I'm scared that's what it is

I'm scared I'm scared about being hurt I'm scared that it won't work out and I'll look foolish I'm scared that it's somebody that could take advantage of me I'm scared that I'm too naive for this or there's something that will go wrong in this it's a fear

it's usually a fear based thing and it was built up for me from fear of my past relationships but I again I had to be open and I had to be like That does not define me. And it doesn't define the way that every potential partner is going to treat me. That's foolish.

And I had this thought and I had this realization and I was like, okay, I feel good about this. And then when I put it in practice in my relationships and my friendships, in my family, dude, wow, was it eye-opening? Because this is hard. This is so hard. Because it's easy to judge. It's so easy to just be like, nah. Nah.

No. No. And we like to think that we don't judge, but we do. We do judge. We do judge. But you won't really understand being open until you meet somebody that changes your perspective on things. Completely.

They show you a new side to the world that you haven't seen before. They give you a firsthand look into an, experience that you only judged as an outsider. And then it's like your entire paradigm is gone. It's gone. And I think I'm grieving that right now. Because I used to look at the world in a very black and white way. And I thought that actions and the past of people defined who they were until I met

somebody that I love. And they have changed my entire perspective on life. Next time you dismiss somebody off rip, you say no, I would never consider that person. No, I don't think that they're up to my standard. I want you to just be open to it. That's it. I'm not saying you should give somebody a chance that you wouldn't normally give a chance. No, you should have standards.

You should know what the red flags are in a relationship, okay? If they're asking to go to Chili's on the first date, drop. them, they're not worth your time. No, I'm kidding. If they're giving you a triple dipper for free, like I did, then it is worth it. But if they treat you well, isn't that all you could ask for? If they're a good human being at heart and maybe all they needed was somebody to love them in order to show that, are they really defined by their past? I don't know. That's up to you to decide. I can't decide that for you, but what I can say is you have to be open. You have to be open, at least to discussing it, one, but two, if you truly do love them and you truly do see something

with them, whether that's a friend, a relative, or a potential partner, well, are you willing to meet them where they're at? Because Zerke Show, I am. Life is too short to hold people's past, you know, as hostage and hold it against them, I'd rather focus on building a new future. And I'd rather focus on enjoying the present with that person. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it.

You can stream it. So if you want to tap in, tap in. Huge thank you to everyone who sent something for Mail Time with Zirky, episode one. Next week, I promise you, it will be out. just sorting some last minute logistical things. But if you want in the meantime to send something for episode two, this is the way to address it. Question, concern, comment, drawing of Chili's logo.

This is where you're going to send it. Live, laugh, love, mail time with Zerky, and I hope to see what you send for a chance to be featured. Thank you. Do the things that bring you joy. Challenge yourself, man. Really go out of your comfort zone and try something that you would never try. It is worth it.

And oftentimes, you'll be so happy that you've, did it. Zerkees Show. It's a beautiful day today in Austin, Texas. I'm feeling very grateful for all of you, and I want you to know that I believe in you. And as always, I am sending you lots of love and be.