the zurkie show - why you fail to be perfect

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

I can't be perfect. it pains me because I want to be perfect.but as human beings, we are flawed. what makes us so special is the way we deal with the mistakes we make on a day to day basis.make mistakes, own up to them and try your best to be better. that's all you can ask of others, including yourself.sending you lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaace⁠https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

I have a person in my life that I hold so dear to me in which I feel I have messed up our relationship. I feel that I have not been as committed to the friendship as they have been, and that as a result has made it seem as if I do not care about them as much as they care about me. And I think that there's a couple things at play. I think part of it is that I haven't communicated the fact that, listen, I am not as communicative as you are. communicate in the same ways. Like, I like my space. I need my space. And honestly, if we don't talk, you know, for a month or two, I don't see anything wrong with that. But I don't think they feel that way. And I think that they feel like they've been slighted. And I feel as if I messed it up.

I genuinely feel as if I've made a grave mistake. And I think part of it is the fact that I am, I am an overpromiser. At heart, I promise. way too many things that I know I cannot deliver. And I've, I think I've gotten better at not promising so much as I've gotten older, but honestly, I still do it. I still do it like every day. I remember I told my parents that I was going to call them, you know, on like a Sunday a few weeks ago.

And I ended up calling them on the following Sunday, which I guess I was right, you know. But it was like, that was not what I meant. I wanted to call them the day that I texted them and I just let myself, I let myself, I don't know. I let myself be the old version of myself. I think that's really, really what happened. You know, I really feel guilty. I do. I feel guilty about it.

I don't like the fact that I overpromise things and I don't like the fact that I make everything into a bigger deal than it has to be. I think that that is something that I need to work on. And it's something I'm still figuring out. I think I've only really become conscious of it in the last year and a half when my friends pointed out to me, yo, you promise so many things and you never do them. Why is that? Like, why do you do that?

Just don't promise it. Stop leading us on. That really hit. I actually, what I wanted to say, what I stopped myself from saying is that, really hurt. And it also did. It really hurt. Because I want to be there for my friends. I want to be there for the people that matter to me. And maybe you feel the same way. And you feel as if you've just been letting people around you down. And still, I just feel like I messed it up. I messed it up.

And maybe this train of thought is the problem. Because when you, you, you, you know, ingrain the idea of the fact you messed it up into your mind, right? You almost like absolve any kind of accountability to fix it. It's very easy to just put the stamp of like, I messed it up and it's over on a situation that matters a lot to you and just be like, whatever. I'm the worst. I'm the worst anyways. It doesn't matter. I was going to mess it up in a matter of time. But what's actually harder is to take accountability for the fact that, yo, like, yeah, I messed it up, but I'm a human. I'm going to keep messing things up until I really lock it down, figure out a way that I can work around this or fix this, and do something about it.

Because I'm messing things up, but I don't think I'm doing things about it. And that's the problem. Because I'm going to mess up. That's, I mean, it's like that happens. Happens a lot. So if I know that, okay. I need to figure out what I can do about it. And I don't know.

I think when it comes to my friend, like, I really need to have an honest conversation with him and just lay down the vision I have for, you know, what I can bring to him as a friend and communicate that to him. I think that a lot of our, you know, self-sabotage actually comes from a lack of communication, whether that be with ourselves or other people.

And it's like, you know, maybe you're, you think that you messed it up, but the other person doesn't really think it's that deep. And they're like, yo, I understand. It's cool. But like, you are removing yourself from me. And that is in turn causing like our dynamic to go down the drain. You know?

And this isn't to say that, you know, you didn't do something wrong. Like you probably did something wrong. Yes. I did something wrong. when I picked up the FaceTime from my friend and you know I told him hey I'm busy right now I'm chilling I'm in the mountains and and Topanga Canyon like I'll call you tomorrow I should have called them tomorrow I should have called him the next day and I didn't and I promised him that I would and I didn't

and that's that's my bad I messed it up I did and I got to take accountability for that but like I can't be you can't like hide in a cave of of self-pity. I think I do that a lot. I think I do that a lot. And there's certain things I've done in my past that I feel embarrassed to admit to some of my friends, to some of like my loved ones because I know I messed it up and I'm afraid they're going to judge me for it. I'm afraid that that will change the course of our relationship and it'll it'll make them look different. at me and it's hindered me sometimes like it's really made me kind of be fear be fearful of being honest and being transparent because I don't want to lose like this kind of relationship with them and

it's silly because I think that if somebody is is meant to be there for you like they will be there for you no matter what and they will understand your perspective no matter what and if they can't handle it even if you explain yourself and you're honest about it then it's like like that person is not meant to be there for you, but it's just difficult, man. Like, it's a risk. It's a risk like anything. And again, like there's no guarantee that you apologizing or giving your perspective is going to solve the problem. But, but I do think that every time you are honest, it's kind of like building XP in a video game. You get a little bit of XP and you come more into who you are and you're able to understand actually other people more

because you understand yourself more and you're able to basically convey like how you feel and the truth within you. And that's so important because I don't think a lot of people are actually able to do that. Like it's a really hard thing to be honest. And then on top of that, hear other people out, especially when you don't agree with them. And maybe part of it is we think that we don't agree with other people more than we actually do. Like, I think most of us agree on a lot of things. Maybe we have different perspectives on how those things look, but like, you know, the baseline, it's like, you know, lying isn't good. You know, it's kind of good to be a good person. And who knows? Maybe you disagree with me, and that's cool too, you know, no shade there. I'd like to

hear why. But it's just uncomfortable knowing that I have messed up and I have made things worse. I messed it up. It was already messed up, right? But I messed it up. Like, I made it worse. But why is that bad? Why is that bad?

Maybe that's not bad that's not bad that you messed it up. Like, maybe that's actually a really good thing. Maybe you messing it up is what was meant to happen. you know maybe you making that joke that was a little bit edgy about your friend kind of elicited an important conversation like maybe taking a risk with somebody and fumbling it actually taught you more things about life and about yourself than if it had gone beautifully well like you should mess things up and I there's there is kind of this failure of messing things up because everything now is is in a footprint if you

mess something up if you have a certain opinion that opinion is engraved forever but it's like humans change we change that is that we do that every day we change every day and i think it is silly to judge our own past in a way that just suppresses who we are. I think it's silly to judge other people's past as well if they're actually making a conscious effort in the present to change and be somebody good. But judging is easy. It's easy. And in the same way of, you know, judging other people is easy. It's also easy to judge yourself and be like, all right, I messed it up. I'm a terrible person. And a terrible person wouldn't do anything to try to solve this problem. They would just, you know, lay in a cave somewhere and

chill and wait for GTA 6. Which I'm waiting for GTA 6 because I'm going to literally like not do anything for probably two weeks and play GTA 6 when it comes out because oh my gosh, I'm such a fan. But that's that's such an irrational way of thinking. And I've been a judgmental person I have. I mean, you know, it's impossible not to be a judgmental person. But what is something you can work on is just accepting people for who they are in the present and what they bring you. And if somebody is respectful in the present, if somebody is showing that they want to do something good and they're actively demonstrating that, it's like that's a green flag. That's great.

And it's easy to look into the past and it's easy to kind of, you know, find your insecurities in somebody else and be like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, this is bad. This is really bad. But also it's like you have to trust. You have to trust. That's difficult. Because guess what? You might meet someone who you think is great. You might be in a friendship, in a relationship.

I don't know. They might be in your family. And you might trust them. You might build rapport with them and feel like they can really see you for who you are. And then you might learn down the line, I messed it up. I messed it up.

This person was actually not good. They actually were really bad. And I was blind. I couldn't see it. The signs were there, but I just could not really understand it. But I understand it now. I had to be hurt.

Many times I had to be hurt in order to realize that, you know, I'm worthy. I'm worthy and also like I have an autonomy over the people I bring into my life and I need to be conscious about that I cannot just you know disrespect myself I cannot continue to let things into my life that aren't good for me and that took a level of accountability that was really really uncomfortable because it really did second guess my entire ability to be myself and like be conscious with with my thoughts and I had to really look at my circle and and look at myself and be like who am I bringing in because I think that we are led to

believe that yes people come into our lives and and you know and wreak havoc and there's nothing we can do but I think it's quite the opposite like I think that we really have kind of a duty to realize like are we surrounded by good people? Are we doing good things? Are we bringing good things into our existence? You know? I don't think a lot of us are really cognizant of that. I think maybe we think we are,

but I don't think in practice we really realize that. And maybe part of it is the fact that we don't want to mess it up, right? We don't want this to happen because we're going to get judged. And if we have a gut feeling about somebody and we think this person isn't good for us, but everyone is telling us no, on paper they are, they're the best. It's hard to listen to your intuition and discount what everyone around you is telling you.

It's very difficult to do that. Or you feel intuitively that actually a certain relationship with someone is really, really good, but like if you had told anyone in your close friends and family, they'd be like, what? Are you crazy? It's a weird thing. It's a really weird thing.

I think the main problem is we hold ourselves to such an unrealistic standard of who we need to be. We hold ourselves to this level of perfection that is impossible. It's not possible. I'm sorry. And it actually creates more harm than good. I remember, wow, I remember when I was playing soccer. I wanted to be the perfect player. Like I wanted to make the perfect decision every time I got the ball.

I didn't want to make any mistakes because in my mind, making a mistake was a bad thing. And in theory, I thought that that was improving me as a player. Like, I thought that, you know, I was able to ball out more and I was going to be like the next

politic because I could do, you know, I could pass the ball really quickly and I could get rid of, you know, any kind of defender that was on me and, you know, I don't know. I just,

I just, I thought that that's what I, what I needed to be. I needed to be perfect. And I realized that in my pursuit of being perfect, I started to like hate myself. Because I started to focus on all of the mistakes instead of all the things that I did right. And I had no freedom anymore.

Like I didn't feel free when I played. Honestly, I felt trapped. I felt like I couldn't experiment. I couldn't try new things because I needed to be perfect. I couldn't make mistakes. And it's hilarious because that mindset, that pursuit, that was the mistake. That made me hate playing football. That made me hate playing soccer.

I hated it. I really did not like it, especially when the coaches were watching, especially when my family was watching. Because I felt like I was letting them down. and I wasn't even playing the game for me. I was playing it for them. I felt like I messed it up. I wanted to make them proud. More than I wanted to make myself proud

and making myself proud meant just having fun. But no. Zerke couldn't have fun. He needed to be perfect. And I think now, especially today, where it's like impossible, you cannot make a mistake because instantly it's filmed.

Instantly, it's put everywhere. It's like, of course we're afraid to do that. This episode is brought to you by Nespresso. Hear that? That's your next obsession. Every coffee, a new world. Every sip, a new taste. This is the new Nespresso. One touch, endless possibilities.

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You know, I just had a live stream with Jazzy, Jazzy Ann, shout out. And there was a really good discussion that we had about approaching people in public and just talking to new people. And in our context, it was talking about like, why don't people go up to each other, you know, and Riz, basically, and be like, yo, Shadi, I think you cute. You know, why don't we do that anymore? And I think part of it is that we're afraid to fail. We're afraid of rejection and somebody feeling creeped out by us doing something like that and doing a respectful advance.

And also, like, we're afraid, too, of what kind of ramification that's going to have on us in society, too, right? And I brought up the point, and me and Jazzy kind of agreed on this, that one of the of the problems is we've created like a society that makes everything like fail proof. You can't fail. You cannot because one mistake and it's over for you. There is such an expectation now that we are dismissive of anyone that tries something new. It's bad. It's a bad thing.

And it's like, why? We should be able to fail in the open. Like we should be able to make mistakes. Granted, you know, there are levels to that. Be respectful. Okay. Respect personal space. Don't do anything you wouldn't want done to you.

Keep that in mind. Common sense. But like, we've really started to restrict ourselves in what we do. And I even see that with how I view myself now. I'm like, I really feel like I mess up all the time. And it's like, no, I don't. No, I don't. And you're probably not messing up all the time.

You probably think you are because you didn't get out of bed on the right time. Because you didn't, you know, do this thing that you told yourself you were going to do beforehand. But it's like that doesn't matter as much as what you do afterwards, after that realization. You making a decision to still get things done, even when everything has gone wrong. That's what matters. What's going to matter for me is, calling my friend and being like, what's up, man? I know we haven't spoken in a while.

I'm sorry. I apologize. I've been busy. What's good? Picking up where you left off, it's like you don't need to build all of this, you know, I need to like have a perfect time. No, you don't need any of that. Never have you needed any of that.

You don't need to be the perfect person to start something or to admit something to somebody. if anything being more honest with who you are right now man that will make you more than good enough because you're already good enough it's just you don't believe it it's just you don't believe it and i need to remind myself of that i do because sometimes i don't feel it i don't what i feel instead is everything I've done wrong, everything I've messed up. That's what occupies the hamster wheel in this brain. And at some point, you got to realize, okay, yes, you know, I messed it up, just like this paper, because I was sitting on it. You know, I messed it up. But that's not, that's not what defines me. What defines me is my character. What defines me is how I speak through my actions. And I can

admit where I've been wrong and where I have made a mistake. But someone, if they really appreciate me and they really love me, they're going to take me for who I am right now. Not for my past, not for what I'm telling them I'm going to do in the future. It's my actions. Actions always speak louder than words. Period. Boo. Period. Period. Boo. What? I messed it up. Okay, you messed it up. So what? You broke up with that person you shouldn't have broken up with. Okay, you messed it up. Now you know. Put it into practice. Like, if you don't realize these things, if you do not stay cognizant about these things, then you won't know. You'll just continue to be in this, oh, I keep, ah, I keep messing everything up, ah, you know. You're going to keep trapping yourself

in this jail, this like invisible jail in your mind, that you are the worst. What would it look like if you just accepted the fact that you were going to mess up? What would that look like? Would that feel freeing? Because I think that you would feel so free. And I think that you would appreciate that so much more. And you would find so much to love within yourself. If you just accepted the fact that, yo, I messed it up. I messed it up. And that's okay. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Playojo. casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum withdraws. Hey, I just won. Woohoo.

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on the Canadian Standard of Living, productivity and innovation. Learn what's driving Canada's productivity decline and discover actionable solutions to reverse it. And honestly, there's so much beauty in the way that we make mistakes. There's so much beauty in the way that we are able to have a goal and we do something completely different, you know? Oftentimes, when I go out and try to make something, when I try to film something, or I try

to meet somebody and make plans with someone, right? And I have these expectations. The beauty actually comes in. building a plan, but allowing there to be room for life. And life is accepting the unknown. It's accepting that there's certain things I got no control over. And you know what? I'm going to just go with the flow.

Like on some real, on some real shes. I'm going to just go with the flow. Like I'm just going to see what happens. Because when you kind of surrender to the unknown, You get to appreciate the present way more. You do. I've surrendered to the unknown right here, right now at Mount Benal and beautiful sunny Austin, Texas, as I sweat gallons from my forehead.

I'm getting beamed by the sun, and I'm enjoying myself. I'm loving it. This is not what I expected to be doing today. But I went with the flow. I was like, all right, sure. intuitively I was like I got to get out here I got to you know do my thing it'd be awesome to be out here I love this spot and maybe you're realizing right now that that you messed it up that you messed it up you have put this perspective on yourself that is so limiting because you just harp on every

mistake that you make and I can't expect you to change that overnight you're not going to change that overnight it takes years to learn how to actually, you know, accept the way that you think. And also, like, you know, your perspective is valid. You've built it on what you have known. It takes time to build something new. All I can say is nothing changes if nothing changes. Theo Vaughn said it. I love it.

Because it's true. Nothing changes if nothing changes. And if you feel right now that you are not in an optimal position, you don't like it, you don't like your... You don't like yourself. You don't like the things that you're doing. I just want you to know that there's a good chance. If you keep doing what you're doing now,

the results will stay the same. They will stay the same. And you'll just keep going down this trajectory. And maybe that's what you want to do. And hey, no hate. That's awesome. But if that's not what you want, and you actually want to take steps to not over promise,

to call your friend back when they call, to feel as if you have become a better person for yourself and the people around you, then you've got to do something differently. And maybe the first step is admitting, I messed it up, but realizing that doesn't define me. That doesn't define me, Zerky Show. It doesn't.

Oh, plane in the sky. Hold on, I got to geek out. Whoa! Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? What? That's right. You can watch it, you can scroll it, you can stream it. The choice is yours.

The Zirky Show everywhere you go all over the globe. We got great communities all around the inner webs. So tap in. Also, we are looking for, people to send in mail to be featured in a new Zirky show show. Mail time with Zirky. If you want to send something in a question, a drawing, whatever your beautiful mind can come up with, this is the way to address it. I look forward to seeing what you create. What? Do the things that bring you joy, even if they scare you a little bit. I was kind of scared at one point of being out in public

and filming myself, because that is weird. But I just started doing it. And after a while, I was kind of, I was kind of like, you know what, haters are going to hate. Motivators are going to motivate on some Bethany Moda. Shout out if you know that reference. If you don't, you didn't have a childhood. No, but I'm kidding. Do something new. Try something.

Just do it to see if it works. And if it doesn't, that's fine. Do something else. Time is the one thing we won't get back. So use it for something that matters to you. And Zerky Show, just know, I trust you. I believe in you. And likewise, I am sending you lots of love.

And peace. Peace.