the zurkie show - why your problems keep getting worse

Episode Date: March 21, 2025

if you don't catch yourself in a pattern, it will always repeat.this is why self reflection is so important to make the changes we want to see in ourselves. ignore these small decisions, and you will see them compound over time.be mindful of the decisions you make and the way you feel about them.sending you lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaaace⁠https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

Some of my friends were really struggling. I wish I would have noticed. I wish I just would have asked. You know, I've lost a few people to that. And it hurts. It hurts because the small things matter. They do. They matter.

And there were certain times I wish I could be there for people and I wasn't. Every time I've looked at any big thing that affects me in my life, any kind of problem, any kind of issue I've had with my mentality, with myself physically. It was always the result of smaller things. It was always a build-up over time. It's not like my emotions and my thoughts eroded in one day. No, it was over time. And that has led me to believe that the small things matter. They actually matter a lot more than we think. The small decisions that we make every single day that we think are going to be inconsequential that we think, well, whatever, no, they add up. And I wish it wasn't that way. And I wish that we could just wish it away.

But there's a good chance that you have been doing small things to yourself every single day. You don't even realize affect you now in the way that they do. And maybe some of them aren't even conscious. Maybe you have picked them up from a family member, a certain kind of role model. Or maybe you have just created them on your own, right? As a coping for something you didn't have or as trying to figure out and deal with an emotion that was rooted within you. But it doesn't change the fact that these small things, they matter. And there's a good chance that they have added up.

And now they're pressing on you. Heavy. What do we do? Oh, my goodness. Okay. The first thing we do is we have to acknowledge that there is a problem with the small things in our lives, that we have an issue. And maybe the issue is not actually the fact that we binge eat, that we are gaining weight from binge eating. In my case, that was a big thing, or that we are choosing bad partners, which was also a thing I did a lot. because we were trying to seek something out of them within ourselves. It's more about figuring out why you ended up there. What is the trigger of that?

Because the bullet is the action. But someone had to pull the trigger for the bullet to release out of the chamber. So what is it? What is the small thing? Sometimes you don't really know. you kind of just do it and then after a good while you'll look back

and you're like oh right sometimes we're getting you know hints by the author early on in the book and we got to read a couple chapters for it to click and be like wait a minute this was happening all along

it's easier said than done because oftentimes when we catch ourselves in this kind of pattern it is not comfortable because we realize that we messed up and we messed up big time and then we look back at the domino effect of our past and we realize that wow everything in my past has led to this moment and we have a decision we have a huge decision because in the same way that all of those things in your past and you might have a lot of

them have affected you now the small things matter and every single thing that every single small thing going forward will affect your future. And you might feel like your past is oppressing you and that you feel defined by it. But the good thing is, is it's the past. And if the small things matter, if you catch onto it now, you could actually rebuild it. You could rebuild it into something you never imagined before. It wasn't comprehensible because you did not know that you were doing something that was against your interest. You had no idea. You were oblivious to it. You were naive. And for a lot of us, that's really what it is. We're naive. But for those of us who are lucky enough to catch ourselves as adults with our own issues, our own problems, and we're lucky enough to

realize that it's not right because we see other people who deal with their emotions in a healthy way. They don't just rage quit at life, you know, and smash a mountain do can against their head or bang a, you know, a hole into the wall. You know, they actually look back and be like, oh, I'm actually not upset at this little thing that happened in my day. I'm not upset that, you know, my shopping cart has four wheels and all four of them do not turn for some reason. I'm actually upset that. I had a goal. I wanted to do something today. And I didn't do it and everything fell apart.

That's really what it comes down to. Or it's deeper than that. Maybe you're just upset at the fact that, like, your life kind of sucks right now. Because you decided that you wanted to go to a certain school and it's just not working. You decided you wanted a certain career. And it sucks.

Every bit of it sucks. Dream job? Yeah, right. All the small things matter. And there's part of you that probably wants you to be like, let me just ignore it for as long as I can. The more I suppress it, the easier it will become. And maybe that's true.

Until you reach a point where you cannot suppress it anymore. Until you reach a point where you are so dissatisfied with your life and you are so upset at everything that has happened, that you are a void of a human being. and if you want that more power to you not me not me

there's a good chance if you're listening to this that's not you either it's not how you want to live your life maybe you had a family member that gave up on their dreams really really early and they were really talented and they've been kind of chirping at your ear that you know drawing isn't a real art form

because it's coming out of a place of their own insecurity where they couldn't make it with their art or maybe they're telling you that no, you have to be a lawyer, a doctor, you have to be something that's going to make a lot of money because I didn't make a lot of money and I think that money would solve your problems. It could. It could. But if on a day-to-day, that's, you know, it's not feeling right. If the small things on your day-to-day don't feel right,

that's what adds up over time. That's why people say do something you love. That's what they mean. It's not about not working hard. There's a big misconception that if you do what you love, you do not work hard. That is a lie. Life is a lot of work all the time. In everything, you will have to work.

You will. Whether that work is reciprocated, that is a different thing. I mean, that completely depends on a lot of things that probably, some of them, are in your control. Oftentimes, a lot of them are not. But doing something you love is important because then when times get tough, which happens every day, you at least love the thing. And you can tolerate it and you can go through it and you can power through it. Because honestly, life is built in the days that feel like you're trudging through the mud. Those are the days that matter. The days where you're celebrated and you feel really good, those are great too.

but that's not every day most days are just you trying to get through it and that's why the small things matter that's why the small things matter that's why having small joys to look forward to in your adult life it's so important

it's so important I cannot state that enough you have to build some kind of fun for yourself you have to build some kind of enjoyment because if you do not you will not have it you won't have it you won't have it. That's why people do all these things.

That's why they take up hobbies. That's why they go hiking. That's why they get a dog. Because you have to build it for yourself. I wish that you could be handed more. I do. But we are dealt the cards that we are dealt. And then it's on us.

It's on us. It's not a comfortable thing to realize. I don't like realizing that. But there is freedom in realizing it. And being like, okay, I mean, I know it sucks. I know that's the baseline, but like, I can kind of craft this in a way that feels good to me. And I can focus on, you know, the small things that matter. Because then over time, I build bigger things that matter to me.

If I can focus on being healthy and, you know, instead of going to Chili's four times a week, which is who, are there regulars that go to Chili's? Y'all drop $60 every day like it's nothing? Loki tap me in because that triple dipper? All right. I said what I said about it. It was gas. It was gas.

But maybe instead of that, you pull back a little bit, you just go once a week, you know, with your cycling team because you're into cycling. I don't know. Shouts out if you're into cycling. That looks hard. And those cycling quads be big. They'd be like, low key like hunks of meat. You know what I'm saying? Wait.

What? Anyways, you start cooking for yourself and you know, you make really simple recipes. You just make like, you know, a little burger, a little chicken bowl, a little Chipotle copycat recipe. I love that. That's Loki my favorite. And then over time, like, you know, you start this kind of habit of just, you know, making food for yourself and you start feeling really, really good about yourself. And those are the small things. Like, most people would be like, man, like, that's such a waste of time.

Like, cooking is a waste of time. but honestly like cooking is not all about you know the food as as it is you know also about just the self-love because you have to take and sacrifice time out of your day which I know is busy because you know we have memes to watch and we have you know Kendrick Lamar albums to stream you know that's that's life mustard okay anyways you know we have things to do that taking time out of your day to like create something for yourself and feed yourself like you know it's a it's a it's a active choice and you can make the the ground turkey with rice for the 20th time in a row or you can switch it up and add some hot sauce or like add some seasoning you know

I'm saying I've been on the gym bro grind more times than I'd like to admit and it's we can season our food okay seasoning does not have that many calories but loki sometimes you get afraid of it because you're like I don't want to gain weight again oh my goodness geez that's a whole nother Anyways, the small things matter. They do. The small acts of kindness throughout your day matter. Believe it or not, if you act with kindness, chances are kindness will follow you around. When you hold the door open for somebody and you don't expect anything in return, you just do it because you want to be kind.

And that's a thing for you. In my experience, good things happen. conversations are started, you know, when somebody drops all of their coins in the cashier line at JCPenney, and you help pick them up. And some grandma, and she says, oh, you're really cute, you know, let me set you up with my granddaughter. And then you find out that the granddaughter is actually the girl that low-key is kind of bad. This did not happen to me, by the way, but it's fun to imagine.

You know what I'm saying? The small things matter. The small things always have mattered. It's in the details. There's so much in the details. We fail to realize this time and time again because we get cooped up in the big picture, the big picture, the big picture.

But the big picture is made up oftentimes, in this case, of tiny pixels, of very, very tiny pixels that all work together. And that's kind of your life. Your life is a lot of tiny pixels. And maybe you feel like some of those pixels have, you know, not represented you the right way. And you feel like some of those pixels aren't even yours.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you feel that way. But you can still make such a beautiful image of what you have left. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and counting. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got. Sign up for free at rbc trainingground.ca.

It's never too early to plan your summer. story in Europe with WestJet from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets begin your next chapter book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent westjet where your story takes off if you're in your early 20s you're not cooked if you're 18 and you don't have a partner you are not cooked oh my goodness like you're going to be fine you're going to be fine You are probably going to have to go through more in order to be fine. You might have to go through less. Who knows?

I can't say that that's, you know, the case because everyone's life is different. And you are living the life that is meant for you. But the small things matter. They do. The small things of how you treat yourself after you have a bad day. What you tell yourself in the mirror when you look at it after you messed up. You messed up big time. You folded.

You got ghosted. Getting ghosted sucks. So bad. It sucks. It's like the worst thing ever. And I ghost. I do that. I do that.

I'm not proud to admit it. I try not to. I really have tried not to, but I do it. I'm going to act like I don't do it. Come on. If you are in the 21st century, you have ghosted somebody. Even if you did not mean to do it, you have ghosted them. That is life.

That is life. It's just easy. It's easier, you know? But like you got ghosted and now you're just like, oh, I got rejected. Oh, the worst. Oh, I think so ugly. No, it just doesn't want, they just don't want anything to do with you. And then there's nothing wrong with that.

Like, that's up to their own volition. Like, it is what it is what it is. It is what it is. Like on a base level, you know, it's up to you to decide how they took that. But it's like, the small things matter. And the more that you. read into like everything it's like it's a bad habit to get into it's good to be aware maybe you did something maybe the ghost was valid because you know you made a kind of inappropriate joke towards

them and it backfired and you were like i shouldn't have said that but you did and that's fine and you learned well it's up to you if you learned you have to decide that i learned from that and maybe making that joke is not good on the first date maybe that's like you know yeah I shouldn't talk about that. Or maybe you took them the chilies. Anyways, anyways, I digress. I digress. The small things also matter in terms of how you keep up with your friends, your family, and your loved ones. Take notes on people.

You know, be intentional. It takes two to tango in any relationship. You should, you should know what your, you know, what your crush likes. It's not corny to know that they like, you know. chocolates that look like little elephants it's not corny at all it's actually really really cute and you should hold on to that it's it's really cute to know that you know they have certain preferences and maybe those preferences are ones that are really important to them that's you should learn that because the small things matter

and like you're doing yourself a disservice if you just want to seem you know like, but that's going to lose me like leverage and like that's not going to, I'm going to have to be vulnerable for that. Yeah, you will. You will. And then it's, you know, it's on you of how you want to lead your relationship. And I'm not going to enforce anything on you. You can do whatever you want. But I'm just saying there's, there's a lot of strength and just noticing, noticing the small things and acting like they matter. Noticing when somebody's having a bad, a bad day. I really, I really wish I would have noticed. Some of my friends, were really struggling, I wish I would have noticed. I wish I just would have asked. You know,

I, I've lost a few people to that. And it hurts. It hurts because the small things matter. They do. They matter. And there were certain times I wish I could be there for people and I wasn't. I don't want to repeat that. And that's why I really do act like they matter. And it's funny because sometimes we do not act like they matter to our own selves and like they do. The way you think about yourself, the way you interact with this world, that is like very, very real. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And if you are struggling, if you feel like there is something wrong, there is something wrong. There is.

And you have to open up. In the way that you know how to, at the very least, I know it's hard. But like that is a start. That is a start. I feel like when I started to realize, that the small things matter and that you know what if i don't feel good i need to just voice it i need to at least acknowledge it like to myself that it's like yo i'm having a bad day you know i'm saying like i cannot keep suppressing the way i feel about this i'm having a bad day it ease what it is let me at least

address it let me see where this is coming from you know oftentimes like pain and resentment calls you on like a star 67 number it's like an unknown caller you know and sometimes you got to call that number back. You don't even know where it's calling. But you have to figure it out. You got to find out. You got to find clues to call it. You know? Sometimes our anxiety likes to prank call us

and create these insane scenarios and be like, oh, nobody loves you. And you have to figure out where is this prank call coming from? Because this isn't real. This isn't real. And sometimes the call is John Pork.

Okay, okay, okay. No, but, you know, for real, like, geez, there have been so many times where I really just felt so bogged down. And I'm like, where, like, oh my goodness. And I would also just like dish it out on other people. I would totally like, just give people really bad energy and it was entirely me.

It was my problem. And I turned it onto other people. It's a terrible thing. nobody likes that i promise you once you get hip to the fact that a lot of people that are lashing out on you it's coming from them it usually like 99% of the time comes from them actually i take that back oftentimes you know it can also come from something that you're doing and maybe they feel like you know you are hurting yourself and they want to see you do well and it's like painful for them but still oftentimes when we inflict pain on others it's because we're in pain it's it's because we feel a certain

type of way and we feel bad and we don't want to feel that way and we think that you know treating people in a certain way will allow us to push that blame onto somebody else and i've i've done that i'm not i'm not proud to admit that but you know i'm not perfect i i still sometimes find myself doing that of just like projecting jealousy is a big one talk about small things that matter right jealousy if you feel jealous in your day to day. And I'm not talking about, like, love that for you. Like, no, no, no, no. You, like, you can say that, but you actually are jealous of that person.

You're jealous of them. And it's like this fight to, like, admit that you're not. And I'm like, I don't care. I don't care that he's, like, with that person. No, you do. You do care. You do care. I care that they moved on. Why would you not care? Why would you not? You will care. You think you can just spend time with somebody and it just goes away? It's not how this works.

You think you can just callous your mind and be like, I'm just going to repress it as much as I want to? That's not how this works. You can. That's entirely in your control. But you're going to latch on to it. It's going to stay there. It's kind of like when you collect a bunch of stuff for a goodwill donation,

like a bunch of clothing that you no longer fit, that no longer looks good on you. and you keep it in your house in like the corner instead of just taking it to the goodwill and donating it. You just keep it there and it sits there and the more that you keep it there, the more stuff you add on to it. Like it builds up because you're building up those small things. The small things that matter just keep getting pushed to the side and you're never allowed to address it. Because when it just keeps building, it just becomes a bigger thing that you can handle, of course. So you got to dissect it.

You have to. You have to, like, dissect your emotions. And oftentimes, the answer is very simple. But usually if you lash out at somebody, if you are unappreciative or even worse, you're jealous, it's coming from somewhere. And it's coming from somewhere that you probably know is within yourself. Welcome aboard via rail.

Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip. Play. Post. Taste. View. And enjoy. Via Rail.

Love the way. So act like the small things matter. Note them. Take stock of them. If you are being self-destructive, if you are finding yourself in these flare-ups of emotions, and you're always dishing it to like that one friend that's always like, why do you just single me out? Why? Why do you single them out? Why? If somebody tells you something

and it hurts, even though you're kind of, you don't fully think it's true, it hurts. Why? Because if it's not true, if somebody like came up to me and said, I don't like you because you have blue hair, I don't have blue hair. That'd be kind of sick. That'd be cool. You know, maybe I should dye it. But I don't have blue hair. It's not real. If somebody comes in a, assaults my character, I'm only going to feel the pain in the parts that maybe I feel are true. But if it's not true, I don't even give it the time of day because it's not true. It's not real. It's like, really? I have the evidence to back otherwise. And it works both ways. You know, there are people in our lives, too, that just like, they can do no wrong, right? You know who I'm talking about? People

that can do no wrong and they would never they would never try to harm you they would never brother really just do your best to stay clear of those kind of people and some of those people might be in your own family that that's awesome when that's the case that's great you just got to learn how to deal with that and just know that well i got to kind of play in your sandbox for a little bit and, you know, be happy, happy, happy. And then I got to, you know, take my space and use it. But over time, your relationships with people, your relationship with yourself and your actions and how you treat yourself, how you treat other people, those are the small things

that matter. They are the small things that matter. And that's how you build character in your own life. That's how you become the person that you are. It is not built in the degree that you get or the diploma that you get. or the diploma that you get or the fact that you are a president at this club,

it's built in the everyday actions that back up the achievement. You know, it's one thing to believe that you are the person that you want to be. It's another thing to act it and be like conscious and know where you're falling short and know where you can be a better support

for somebody else and where you can, you know, back off a little bit because sometimes people need to work things out on their own. I guess what I'm trying to say is there's always levels to every big convoluted problem we think we have. And most of those levels and most of those pain points come in the small things because the small things matter. The small jokes that rub a little bit against your skin, they always add up. And if you do not say something, do something, don't expect. a change. Zirky Show. Do not expect a change. Remember, the small things matter. Did you know that

the Zerky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. We got great communities everywhere across the interwebs. If you want to tap in, tap in. Also, do you want to be a part of a new Zirky Show Show? Mail time with Zirky. It's coming soon and I need your mail. You've got mail. If you want to send me a question, if you want to send me anything at all. It can literally just be a drawing of the Chili's logo.

That'd be pretty awesome, honestly. I would love to feature you in a show that I am making. I think it'd be cool. And this is the way to address your letter or whatever you send. I cannot wait to see what your beautiful mind comes up with. Tap in. Do the things that bring

you joy. And try something new. Go out to that one restaurant. you've been eyeing, call up a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Like, just go out. Okay, you have to make your own fun in this life, because if you don't, it is boring and there is a lot of mid days. So take your day that's mid and make it into something. You know, live a life worth writing about in the future to your friends, to your family, to you. Because at the end of the day, you're going to be the one that's going to be looking back on things. So at least make a count in some kind of way for yourself. Zerky Show, I trust you, I love you. And again, I am sending

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