the zurkie show - you already know this text is a lie

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

you deserve to know the truth.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

Any partner that I've had to say, it's not you, it's me, before I knew how to be honest, it was basically shifting the blame that I would have put on them and all of the issues I had with the way they treated themselves, with the way that they treated me as a reflection of not treating themselves properly. And instead, I knew that it was easier to shift the blame on myself because if I had confronted them, oh my God, they would have exploded on me. Wait, what?

They would have been very, very upset at the truth. Don't be with somebody who can't accept the truth. Being with someone who can take your thoughts and can understand that, you know, you telling them, hey, I think that you're sleeping, habits are kind of out of whack and it's like impacting your mental health isn't an attack on them it's not you being like your sleep patterns suck and mine are better and you got to lock in

no it's it's you looking out for them that's a good partner telling somebody something that oftentimes they already know but they don't like to hear if they can take that and be like yo it's not you it's it's me like i need to change things that is a good point partner. That is somebody who's going to look out for you. That is somebody who's going to straight up tell you when your friends are not good for you. They are going to look out for you. And this is something I think that is lacking in a lot of relationships is this idea that we're on our own all the time. The whole point of a partnership is to be partners. It's to see the field with two sets of eyes instead of one.

And sometimes you are blinded to the motives of people. You are blinded to the actual reason somebody is telling you, hey, let's hang out. It's not because they think you're cool. It's because they think they can get something from you. And having someone in your circle, having someone that is close to you that you love and you respect looking out for you, you need it.

You might think you don't, but you need it. Because you cannot see everything with your own eyes. Sometimes you need somebody else to just tell you that what is happening to you is not right. It was some of my relationships that taught me the most about where I was going wrong in my friendships and what was affecting me in my relationship with my family. Oftentimes it's easy to look at somebody else that you don't want to upset, that you you hold so high in your mind as someone you love and think I would never want to hurt them. I would never want to make them feel bad.

But if you cannot handle telling them the truth, you know what? It's not them. It's you. It's not you. It's me. It's honesty. You need honesty. You don't have honesty right now because,

honesty hurts. Nobody likes to be looked in the face and be told, hey, you're, you're lazy. Because immediately you want to, you want to go against that. You want to find every bit of evidence that makes you say, no, I'm not. I do X, Y, and Z. But you know in the back of your mind, like, high key, you're lazy. And it's not a laziness that, like, is, you know, you're resting and you're, you know, you've worked and then you've earned time off. Or you have time for yourself that you spend wisely doing things that you love. No, you have dreams and desires, you have things that you want to do, and you willingly just let them go. You willingly don't do anything to go towards those things. And it's not even in like a grindset way. You

find excuses to talk yourself out of doing those things. And yet you, at you, expect your partner to be somebody who's a go-getter. You expect your partner to be somebody who is super, super good at going after the things that they want. But you have no room to even want that or desire that because you are not that. You don't do those things. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that. If you don't want to be someone who is all the time on the clock, taking phone calls,

you know, a business bro in finance. You don't need to do that. That, I think, is very wrong with our society, is this pressure that you need to be high achieving in order to be worthy. No, that's not true. But what is true is nobody wants to be with someone who cuts themselves short. And nobody wants to be with someone who has unrealized potential. Because unrealized potential turns into regret.

And being with a regretful partner, no matter what they tell you, it's going to seep in. and it's it's not going to be you it's going to be me because if we're in a relationship i'm going to be the one that's going to have to leave i'm going to be the one that's going to have to tiptoe around all of the eggshells that you leave behind because you are so regretful of your life and your decisions and seeing somebody else do what they want it it pains you in such a way that that is just so hard to get rid of you won't be able to withstand that kind of person unless you lie to them.

That's a great meta. If you want someone to believe their delusion that they couldn't have never done it or, oh, it was just not good enough, lie to them. But I'd rather be truthful. I can't lie. Not on that kind of thing. Even a white lie is a lot for me because when I know I could have done something, when I know that I could have done better, I accept the fact that I could have.

could have. And I don't regret it. But I know that I didn't try and I will never know. And I vowed to not repeat that pattern. But so many people do repeat that pattern. So many people get in relationships they know are going to be bad for them. So many people don't change after they experience hardship. So many people just look at that and think, oh, that's quirky. It's quirky that you had a relationship that was borderline, if not abusive. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play.

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For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flame thrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday. with Amazon. I don't think that's quirky. It's quirky to go back into that. It's some tough love, but I don't think so.

And I get it. Some of us need to go through patterns, and I don't wish going through anything terrible on anyone, but you have to take accountability. That's something that the adult world kind of teaches you, is that accountability is the boss. and if you cannot be accountable over your own actions and you can't see yourself for what you do

and what you want to do better and you cannot work with yourself, you're going to get taken advantage of. Plain and simple. And I know this because I have been taken advantage of many times. I know this because I was the guy looking at my phone screen getting a, it's not you, it's me, message. And then questioning all of the good things I do. did, questioning, oh, but I was so, I was so expressive and I was so loving. And I was all so obsessed. I didn't even give the relationship time to breathe. My life became the relationship. That's not healthy. That's not good. But the idea of taking accountability for these things, that scared me

more than creating a delusion of, I just, whatever. It just weren't good enough for me. That's deflecting. That's not actually processing what went down. Because you liked them. Maybe you loved them. And you are just going to discredit everything because they don't want to be honest with you. And maybe it's not in their character. But maybe it is a reflection of yourself that you cannot be honest with yourself. And that's why you can't attract somebody that can be honest with you. I have had to do a lot of work to become honest with myself because it's difficult. Being honest with a partner is difficult too because in all of my relationships, whenever I was honest, it was always a problem, or at least I thought that way. Because the truth is, if somebody loves you, they appreciate your perspective, they appreciate

your support. They want to know what's wrong. they want to know what's going on. They want to know how they can do better and what they can do for themselves that will be better for the whole of the relationship. I have bad habits. I stonewall when I get upset.

I just go quiet and I have a habit of ignoring my partner. I am very ashamed of this, but it's something that my partner. recently told me straight up. They're like, hey, I don't, this is not good. I understand that this is how you deal with emotions. This is what you were taught in childhood from your parents, from your grandparents, whatever. This is the example of when you get mad, you stonewall. For some of us, it's like when you get mad, you yell obscenities at the other person, right? Like, we have different flavors of it.

It doesn't mean it's healthy. And I had to admit that. And I was able to, admit that because I have now this habit of being honest with myself that I didn't have before. Don't lie. Don't lie to somebody about why you don't like them. Don't be rude and disrespectful, but be honest. Don't tell them that, oh, it's just not the right time right now. Tell them that you just don't, you don't see a romantic future with them, that you guys just don't align. and be honest. Nobody wants to get, it's not you, it's me,

because it is them. It is them. You don't like them. And they deserve to know that you don't like them instead of them wondering, what did I do wrong? Because sometimes it isn't that person.

Like sometimes it's just, this isn't working. But it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you either. There's this weird, like, idea that, oh, if I'm, if I'm, not getting in a relationship, something's wrong with me. No. No. Oftentimes it's just not the right time or place. Oftentimes it's just not meant to be in the way that you wanted to, and there's no shame in that. We put so much pressure on things to work all the time. We put so much pressure

on ourselves to get with somebody, to be in a thing, be in a relationship, have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and it's all optics. Because if you actually wanted somebody, If you actually wanted a partner, wouldn't you want to be able to be honest with them? But instead you're hiding and you're like, no, I can't, I can't tell them how I actually feel because they're going to get upset. I can't, I can't do this. And that's good that you recognize that, but it's just, it's not meant to be. Why push something that's just not meant to be? Well, because it's not you.

It's me. No, no, it's not. No. Relationships do not have to work. That is why we date. That is why we go out and we try. But now we have become so hyper-fixated on not embarrassing ourselves, not being embarrassed by somebody else,

and like just tiptoeing around feelings. And that's why people cannot build genuine connections with each other. nobody wants to be honest nobody wants to be honest because oh if I'm honest bro like they're going to use it against me if I'm honest I'm going to lose leverage in this like flirt game

I'm going to let you in on a little cheat code if you actually want to have a relationship like you say that you do and like your playlists reflect you have to be honest to the person that you want to be with you have to tell them

that you don't like certain things that they do that they annoy you and you have to have conversations about those things and you have to realize that certain things are actually your fault

yes but that certain things are also their fault because if you are in a relationship it is never you versus them it's you two against the problem and if you do not have that mindset you will always have a divide.

If you do not have this idea that we are working together on fixing this, no matter what, we are going to find some kind of solution. It doesn't have to be a compromise, because compromise kind of sounds like you're giving something up. You find a solution that works. If you don't have that mindset, it's doomed. Because it's always going to be red versus blue. It's always going to be me versus them.

It's always going to be two-sided. Things are feeling a little less human. days, aren't they? But isn't the whole point of progress to make things more human? That's why, at TD, when we design a product, whether it's an app for making trading easier or monitoring your account for fraud, we ask one simple question. How does this help people? That's how we're making banking more simple, more seamless, and more intuitive. But most importantly, that's how TD is making banking more human. Are we human? Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy.

Please sit and sip. Play. Post. Taste. View and enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. When in reality, both of you should win in order to have something good.

And winning takes sacrifice. Don't forget that. It takes work. It takes multiple conversations. And it takes honesty. You have to be honest about your shortcomings. You have to know. man yeah i know i know that you told me i that you don't like that joke and i keep making it yeah okay

i need to reel this in i got to actually like focus the next time that i want to bring up oh that one guy that texted you a long time ago that i haven't forgotten because why it's me i'm insecure about it right when you're honest you have nothing to lose because honesty is is the last thing that we have and what do you have to lose if you are honest you are honest and somebody doesn't like it. And they're like, no, you're speaking your mind too much. Oh, my goodness. Why would you say that? Don't even bother. But it goes both ways. Because if somebody says something about you and your relationship and you don't like it, it stings you. And you're like, oh, that's, I hate that. You hate it because it's true.

Because there's a degree of truth in it. It might not be the full degree, but there is something about it that you deeply dislike. In the same way as when you receive this kind of text that it's not you, it's me, there is something about it that is deeply uncomfortable because it makes you ask more questions. I don't think anybody believes this statement. And that's why it's so hurtful because it really does make you think more than you need to think.

If I got a text, hey, I'm just not romantically interested in you. I really appreciated getting to know you. It's just, this isn't going to work between us. I'd be like, low-key, all right, I get that. Yeah, when I look back and I think on our dates, yeah, we don't really align on certain morals. We're kind of like far off in terms of humor. I can't really make you laugh.

And I don't know, you're just not as affectionate as I would want my, and need my partner to be. I get it. Okay, we're good. Like, understandable, have a good. day, right? But if somebody hits me with, it's not you, it's me, I have to figure out who I am, how does that make any sense? I knew who you were. At least I thought I did. I knew who you were when we were making a puzzle together in your bedroom and we were laughing and, you know,

you were telling me and borderline trauma dumping all of your family history to me, what's going on? How is this, how is this you? Because you were so, adamant about going on on more dates with me, how can this all of a sudden not be me? It's you. It's, you don't believe it. Make it a point to be honest, Zirky Show. And you know what? If it is the other person, just let them know, be nice about it and be like, it's not it.

You'll save yourself a lot of explaining, and you'll save yourself a lot of time. Today's episode of The Zirky Show was filmed in beautiful Austin, Texas, on the lake. If you are ever in Austin, you need to check out the nature in this city. It is gorgeous. It is beautiful. I have a lack of words. I'm trying to read more, so I have more words to describe how wonderful this place is. Did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go?

That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. We got communities all over the interwebs. If you want to tap in, these are the best ways to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Listen to some reggaeton.

Okay. I was in Miami the other day, and I realized, ordering at a Cuban cafe, I get my Cubano sandwich, that I need to learn Spanish, and I need to do it like before my brain turns into mush, which it already is because of all the brain rot. No, I'm kidding. But, man, learn another language.

I really want to add two more languages onto my two existing ones. I think that would be really awesome. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you in Zerki Show. As always, I'm sending you lots of love. And peace, Peace. Yeah, peace.

Fire.