the zurkie show - you can’t control how they feel

Episode Date: January 10, 2025

we often want the best for others, but is that always the best thing for you? https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I used to think that other people's happiness was entirely dependent on me. When they were in a bad mood, I would think that I did something wrong and that it was my fault and I felt guilty. And I very quickly found myself living for other people more than for myself. It's a really bad habit. It's a really dark place to be when you are so hyper-fixated on everybody except yourself. Everyone except you matter. I had a few relationships where I really tried to be on my best behavior, and the other person still blew me off,

or the other person still didn't care. And that's really where I realized something. It's not your job. It's not your job. In a relationship, whether that is a friendship, or that is a romantic relationship, an intimate relationship. A situation ship, which is like, come on, situationships. We got to leave those in 2024 like yesterday.

Your job in a relationship is to be the best version of you. That's it. That is the job. You do that, in my opinion, through communication, which is insanely difficult. It is insanely hard. I know because I'm a yapper. But when it comes to communicating in a relationship, it is one of the hardest things. because we want to immediately assume

that the other person knows what's going on in our brain because we are intimate with that person, because we know them more than a stranger. When that's not the case. It's never the case. Like, you have no, I have no idea, you know? They might be thinking about the chopped chin video. And I might be thinking about,

why haven't you talked to me today? You have no idea. You just, you don't know. communication and then on top of that communication what's really really important is following through being somebody of your word when you promise something you deliver you don't make empty promises that's not good in a relationship and being fair being fair if they have a valid concern hearing them out and being like all right you know maybe i haven't been the best to you that's fair and of those three there are a lot more but not one of one of

of them is keeping the other person happy. It's not because that is not your job. That is not your job. And so many people live for other people. They don't live for themselves. And listen, there's a weird connotation with being selfish, right? Like we consider doing the thing that's best for us is, oh, that's really selfish. But sometimes being selfish is the best for the both of you. I'm going to say it. Sometimes being selfish means stepping away from a relationship that is really bad, that is really toxic, and both of you, for some reason, have continued to spiral in it. It's a selfish thing in theory, right? Well, why would you step away? Like, shouldn't you work on it? But sometimes you are past the point of no return and it's like you got you just got it we're done

we are done that's it but still in my adult life i have met so many people who who care about what other people say but mainly how they how they like well that person is going to get offended by that if they're getting offended at the most simple things and you have to explain yourself every time, I'm sorry, that's just like not. That is not a good friend. That is not. It's different if you offend somebody, you know, if you do something that you had no idea was going to be bad.

If you were rude to them as a joke and then they took it seriously, that's different. But if you have to walk on eggshells, it's not your job. It's not your job to try to, oh, I have to step this way. I can't say this around this person or like, well, we have to invite this person, but we can't let this person know that I invite. of that person because they're going to get upset. Why? Why? It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet,

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have bills to pay. You're not buying $20 lattes and going on a date for $60 at Chili's. But when that is done, when school, college, all of that is done, you will realize that nobody's got time for that. Nobody's got time to step on eggshells. You know why? Because your landlord will be knocking. Uh, hello, I would like my 1,200. for, you know, you living in my apartment, and you are going to tip your landlord, because that is a good thing to do. I mean, you can if you want.

I'm not telling you not to tip your landlord, but, man, bro, rent is, life is expensive. Jeez, anyways, it's not your job. It is not your job to keep other people happy. That is not your job. Your job is to be the best that you can be, and people will not like you. They will not like you.

A lot of people will not like you. It is what it is. They will make a decision within the first five seconds, within the first millisecond if they like you. They will decide. And I'm sorry, it's just not your job to try to convince them. Oh, well, no, I'm actually a really good person. What?

Bro, they're not going to like you. Like, it's over. It's done. No, it's different if they're, maybe, you know, like you've got to convince somebody sometimes. Hey, I've had to, you know, I've had to be like, well, I'm actually, I'm a good date. You know, I'm a good flirt.

So you should go on a date with me. But there's been other times where it's no. The answer is no, and that's it. The answer is I don't like that person. Okay. It's not your job. It is not your job. We already go through so much trying to deal with this thing, every single day, this thing.

Because there are parts of this thing that want you to do bad. There are parts of this thing that want you to do bad. There are parts of this thing that want you to do good. And every day is a war in this thing. It's like a Star Wars battle. It's like battlefront. That is the part of my brain that wants me to wake up versus the part of my brain that wants me to doomscroll for five hours.

That's what's going on. It's just... That's literally what's going on. So you're already going to deal with that on like a day-to-day. And then you've got to worry about somebody else. What? Dude, it's already, like, this is already enough. This is your job.

You got to do this. But I get it. It's hard because we have relationships that we have with people that we've spent years cultivating. Some of us have family members. Oh, my goodness. You have a family member who's, like, super sensitive, and you have to learn to, you know, to walk on eggshells. And listen, it is what it is.

I'm not saying that you will not. have to do that. Sometimes to get what you want, you'll have to do things that you probably otherwise would not do. That's life. That's life. But what I am saying is, don't feel like you have to. Because it is not your job. It is not your job. Now, same thing with helping somebody. Sometimes you're going to have to help a homie out, right? But if that person is not willing to help themselves, and you have repeatedly tried like, hey, you got a, I want to help you out. You should do this. I want to help you out.

Think about this problem this way. Man, like, you are so talented. If only you had a little bit better of an attitude, you could be in a great position. If they don't want to help themselves and they keep coming back to you to just vent and be like, my life is so bad. It's not your job. It's a hard reality. and I'm not saying that if your friend or you are having a mental health crisis, that is a different thing.

That is completely different. And you should seek professional help. What I am saying is there are people in your life that you will come to find. Maybe they already are in your life. That their relationship to you is they just want someone they can talk at and someone who will feel bad for them. Not somebody who wants to help them out and change their life. Because a lot of the changes in your life, they start here. This person.

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Save the everyday with Amazon. It's rough, because sometimes it does feel like it's your job. Why would you want to see your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your partner, your best friend? She's my best friend. Why would you want to see them suffer? You wouldn't. But sometimes you have to be the best thing? is to be a little selfish because they don't want to change.

They don't. And when it starts affecting you, no. That is an overstep of a boundary. That is an overstep. Because that is disrespecting your personal space. It is one thing to ask for help. It is another thing for you to feel like your help is the only thing that will make this person feel better about themselves. or it will drastically alter their mood.

That's not a healthy relationship. That's not. That is not. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't help people. I'm not one of those like pull yourself up by your bootstraps and don't listen to anybody. But what I am saying is that a lot of the changes that you have to make and a person has to make is it's them. It's them. And I know it because I am one of these people.

I used to be one of these people that would always go to my friends and be like, oh, why is this happening to me? And they would tell me, it'd be like, bro, it's because you have a terrible, a terrible relationship with yourself. You think that you're way less than other people. You think that you are ugly, that you are fat and all this stuff. And I hear, like, all right, it's okay to feel that way, but what are we going to do about it? How are we going to change this? And I wasn't looking for their help. I was just looking to feel sad and sorry for myself.

And the real friends, they said, you know what, we're done. We're done. We've told you already what you need to do. We're offering to go on a run with you. We're offering to go play soccer with you, to go to the gym with you. But if you want to do it, that's on you. We can't force you to do it because it's not our job. And it's not your job.

It's not your job. You are not responsible for somebody else's, lack of self-love. You are not responsible for someone to understand who they actually are. It's not your job.

That's on them. You can be a good friend. You can let them know I am seeing X, Y, and Z in your life. I don't like it. I just want to let you know. But at the end of the day, whose job is it?

There's. It's theirs. It is entirely theirs. It is really upsetting when you meet somebody that has lived their entire life for other people, because they have no self-worth. They have none. It is entirely based on the opinions of others. It is entirely based on things that other people have told them are cool or interest that other people have spun them into.

And if you feel like that's not what you want, if you feel like, dude, I don't want that It is very important that you realize that your job Is to figure that out That is your job And it is hard It is so difficult

It takes years It takes time It takes failing A lot A lot But too often We get wrapped up in the lives of us We care about what someone else is going through because I don't matter.

I don't matter. When you do. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch. Steep. Flip. Or that.

And enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. When you do. And in my opinion, you not take. taking care of yourself, you not understanding what is going on with you, sometimes it affects everybody. It does.

Think of the amount of people in our age group, right, that deal with really traumatic relationships, that deal with really, really bad dating experiences, that deal with friend group drama. and just ridiculous, ridiculous things that are the result of baggage. They are the result of people not taking their respective past seriously. And being like, I forget. I don't think about it. No, well, that's the old me.

Is it really the old you? I don't know. I don't know because I see the same thing happening again. And then these people get in a relationship with you. you become a friend of yours and you see that they are broken. You see that they have problems. And we all have problems. It's not like I don't have, I have a lot of problems. But the difference with their problems is they are so detrimental to them that you cannot help but be like, bro, I, I need to help this person. But that's the catch. They don't want help. They want that. They want the

spiral. They just want your attention. They want your attention because they don't give themselves attention. So they're looking for it from other people. Simple as that. They just want attention. And it diminishes the people who genuinely need help, who genuinely need someone to be there for them. Because it makes everyone seem like all we want is attention when somebody is really crying for help and someone genuinely needs just another person there for them all of that to say if you have somebody in your life and you feel like man the only way that they're happy is if i talk to them the only way that they they seem like they know what they're doing is if i if i do something it's not your job it's not your job zirky show it's not our job is to chill in bed

It's a mandatory chill session every day From the hours of 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Mandatory chill session, all you do Go on the phone, watch some stuff that you will forget In a couple of hours And eat something, have some chicken nuggets, have some pot stickers, I don't know If you're Polish, have some pierogi, because they're fire. A big shout out to the OGs, the ones that played Animal Crossing on the DS,

The ones that played Wii Sports when it first came out, the ones that have been tapped into the Zos, Zirky Show since the beginning. Big shout out to you. But if that's not you and you're new, we're in unprecedented times, which means that I don't know what's going to happen, but what I do know is the Zirky Show is here to stay. You can watch it. You can listen to it. The choice is yours. Just know, we're not going anywhere. Also, do you have a friend who loves the Zirky Show? Maybe you want to wish him happy birthday. Maybe you want to get him some advice. Maybe you need some advice. Well, guess what? The Zirky Show is now on Cameo taking requests. So do

With that what you will, but just know, the Zirky Show is here to stay every single day. Do the things that bring you joy. Stay safe out there, because it is a crazy world and a lot is going on. Just stay safe and know, I love you, Zirki Show. Peace.