the zurkie show - you can't keep living in the past

Episode Date: May 18, 2025

⁠it's time to accept that the past won't change.it's good to look at it and realize the lessons you needed to learn, but ruminating in the past is a dead end.I've had to learn that taking people for who they are is the most important thing you can do. it doesn't mean you shouldn't take accountability for your actions, but forgiveness is a two way street. don't confine yourself within who you used to be. you are the person you are right now.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

You know what honestly hurts me? Is thinking about the past. It hurts me. I can look at it now from a perspective of like, you know, I did what I did. I lived the life that I lived. But if I'm completely real, sometimes it really does pain me because I messed up a lot. I don't want to hear about my partner's past. I don't.

But for some reason, I'm curious. I'm just curious if I'm doing a good job. At least that's how it was in some of my relationships. And when I would hear about their past because they were open, it hurt me. It really hurt me. And I was in this weird conundrum where I had willingly asked for the information and they willingly provided it to me. And then all of my insecurities just went rapid fire. And I think I've learned that there are certain things in my life.

that are honestly better left in ignorance. And there are also certain things in my life that maybe I do want to know, but I have to ask myself, is it hurting me? And there's a good chance you've got to ask yourself too are certain things in your life hurting you. Is it hurting you?

Maybe it is. Maybe seeing and keeping up with your ex-girlfriend, boyfriend partner is actually hurting you. It's doing more harm than good. Yes, you're able to, you know, laugh at them and make fun of them because they totally downgraded and they are having an atrocious time. But it's also simultaneously reminding you of the both of you, being in something together. And your jealousy is actually stemming from the fact that you never got closure, that you never felt like we made amends.

I think it is hurting you. I think it is hurting you. In the same vein, I think that when you talk bad about yourself and you lower your confidence because you want to be self-deprecating and you want people to like you, it is hurting you.

I don't think it's a good thing. At least in my life, it hasn't been. I've made jokes about myself, some that were really just like pathetic because, oh, I thought that this is how I'm going to get people to like me. And you should be able to laugh at yourself. Like you shouldn't be serious all the time.

You know, you can make a troll once in a while. But if it's all the time and you really feel like there's no confidence in you, I don't think that that is something that you should do over and over and over again. Over and over again. Something has to change. if you know you know you know what honestly hurts me is thinking about the past it hurts me I can look at it now from a perspective of like you know I did what I did I lived the life that I lived but if I'm completely real sometimes it really does pain me because I messed up a lot

I did. And part of messing up was that I was so obsessed with being perfect that I never really made mistakes that were ones I could learn from. I mean, you know, granted I had a lot that I learned from. But I think that there were periods of my life where I felt like I was better off isolated, not really trying. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Jo.

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19 plus Ontario only. Please play responsibly. Concern about your gambling or that of someone close to you. Call 16-531-2600 or visit Connexonario.ca. Because I was afraid of things going wrong. Things not going my way and how that would look to other people. And as an adult, I've had a complete, like, switch. You know, now I do things on my own.

I don't ask for permission. I just go out and try it. And if it works, it works. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. And I've realized that that doesn't hurt me. That makes me stronger. Me deciding to go to a yoga class, you know, it doesn't compromise my ability to be a man.

And it makes me get in touch with my body a little bit more. It makes me learn a couple new stretches. Me, you know, investing my money into a live show, which is coming very soon. Zirky Show Live, Austin, Texas. What? You heard me right. It actually, you know, it puts pressure on me, but it's a good kind of pressure. And I like it.

And I accept it. And I'm way, way more excited. to put the work in to make it happen. But yeah, we do a lot of things that hurt us. We do a lot of things that subconsciously are really, really bad. Maybe even consciously, we know that they're bad, but we just have gotten in the habit of not taking ourselves seriously, not giving ourselves respect.

So we just do it anyways. I think it's worth reclaiming. I think it's worth at least asking yourself the question, is it hurting you? You know, maybe you're playing a specific, sport right now and you've lost the passion for it you feel like a shell of your of your younger self and it's actually going against what you really really want to do maybe you want to do theater I don't know or you want to play an instrument or you want to learn how to work with raspberry pie

computers and code stuff onto them but you you feel like you need to play a specific sport and you have this kind of pressure on you, but really it's like, dude, it's hurting you. It's hurting you. You want to do this for other people. You don't really want to do this for yourself. So, of course, you're going to feel bogged down and you're going to feel like this is bad. I think what really hurts me, too, is staying stagnant, not making an effort to change, not making an effort to continuously push for something different, new.

I really, really get in this comfortable mode. And after a while, I look back and I'm like, where did all the time go? It's like, I wish I had spent it, you know, pushing myself a little bit more. And, you know, it comes with time. It's funny because I sound hypocritical saying that. Because I know a lot of you have heard me say, you know, things take time and you should be patient. but to a similar vein like I have found

myself to sometimes be really hurt by the lack of what I did not what I did and maybe it's a standard thing maybe it's because I want to do so much and I feel like I need to live

my life in a certain way and set an example but it's like do I really not really I just kind of need to to do me. I just got to do my own thing. I think what's really hurting me right now is my lack of structure. And the fact that, you know, I haven't touched a barbell in like three months. Ay, aye, aye. The gym was my church of iron. It was a place where I could really be present. I don't really work out with music. I try not to on some David Goggins. I actually, I really,

really like working out with no music. That's kind of how I used to work out when I got introduced to working out when I was, you know, a sophomore in high school. And it was nice. It was like a, there was a community aspect to it where I could like troll with my friends and hang out. Oh, my goodness. I had, I, I don't think I'll ever laugh the way I did in high school, man. Dude, it was fun. I'm sounding like unc, bro. Oh my gosh. Yeah, man, high school was the glory days. No, it was not, dude.

This is infinitely cooler than high school. I'm just saying, like, bro, there's a swan here. Do you see this? That's sick. He's doing the Ice Bucket Challenge, by the way. He's dunking his... He's doing a cold plunge. Oh, my God.

That's hilarious. But, yeah, like, I really, really find solace in being in the gym and doing that work for me. I used to work out for other people. I used to think that that's what was going to get me a girlfriend. I mean, you know, it honestly helps your confidence. That's really what it helps.

And your physical appearance, yeah, I'm not going to sit here and act like it doesn't matter. I mean, sure. Like, take care of yourself. But I think that we make it into a bigger monster than it actually is. And I get it, you know. I can say that. And I have my own opinion on it. And you might

not feel that way. You might feel like looks matter way more than, you know, people say they do. And hey, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. But I actually found that when I started to use working out as a way to better myself and not like a way to be a billboard for I'm attractive, I actually, that's when I actually became like handsome and good looking was in my demeanor. It wasn't actually in my physical change. Because honestly, like, I look pretty similar to how I looked a few years ago.

And I remember in college, I thought that I was like really ugly. And then I was not, I was not a good looking person. And that I was like, people would look at me and scoff. Which is not true. It's like that's something I made up in my brain. And when I started to hit the gym consistently and I started to work out, I realized that the way in which I was thinking about working out for other. people and not for myself. It was hurting me. Is it hurting you? Yes, it was hurting me. And instead, when I relieved all that pressure and I'm like, I just want to move around. I want to like feel good in

my own body. That's really when like the change occurred. And I gained this confidence because I had consistency under my belt. And I could be like, yeah, I've gone to the gym X amount of times. I feel good about it. It was really something special. Really something special. But it's odd, man. Sometimes when you chase after things, when you get hyper-fixated over a goal, or you get into a relationship, or people use this term all the time. But life, like, life happens. It's easy to get derailed, and I think I've gotten a little bit derailed, and I've, I've, I've, lost the edge. What? I've lost the edge to go out there. go into that gym, do a workout, just go.

And that lack of, that lack of pursuit, it is hurting me. It is hurting me. Because I have it in other aspects of my life, but I think that there's a couple crucial ones that I just, I've let go of. Maybe your lack of a hobby, your lack of an interest, your lack of a talent is hurting you. Maybe you feel like you want to give something to the world. You have some kind of calling, but you don't know what it is,

but you're not even giving yourself the time to nurture it. You know what's so interesting. I'm in Orlando right now, and I had the chance to go to the Morse Museum, which I 100% recommend if you're ever in Orlando. I have an interest in stained glass. I actually worked as an apprentice at a stained glass shop for three days. three days and then the zirky show turned into the zirky show and i was like okay i got to you know do this full time which is a blessing but it's interesting because when i went to this

morse museum in orlando it is the biggest collection of tiffany and co glasswork this guy was on a different level bro you talk about tiffany and co you think of jewelry well tiffany bro was goaded with the sauce when it came to like making stained glass works. So if you go into a church or you go into like a, you know, an antique shop and you see those lamps that have like the different pieces of glass that all seem kind of needed together. That's, that's bro. That's bro. Bro came up with that, I think. At least he did it very well and he was very successful. He might have not come up with it. But anyways, all of that to say, it was so eye-opening to see how dedicated the people at the Tiffany company were at their craft and how calculated it seemed. And I think part of that

was because they didn't have external stimulation really. And I think that, you know, I've seen myself kind of devolve into needing to be stimulated all the time, taking a shower with music, watching something while I eat dinner. And it's, it's, it's, It's hurting me. It's getting to the point where it's really hurting me because it is just like I craft my day, and it seems very, very achievable. And then until I go out and, you know, start the day, I find myself with this habit of wanting to grab my phone,

wanting to, you know, just check. It's always the, oh, let me just check. And it's, you go down the rabbit hole. Oh, man, and I never learned my lesson. And I think I think I'm getting to a point now where it's like, dude, yo, I got to do something about this. This is really just taken over my life. Like, I've lost touch with journaling. Journaling was a practice that I did every single day for years.

And it was something I did first thing in the morning. I had a routine. I would wake up. I would get my coffee. I would have my journal. I would write for 15 to 30 minutes. And now that has been replaced with the scroll. The scroll.

And it numbs my mind. And I don't want my mind to be numb, you know. That doesn't actually fix the anxiety. Somebody's watching me. It's my anxiety. Oh, my God. People were hating on that song, bro. Come on.

It's not a banger, or is it? What do we think, Zerky Show fam? Is it a banger? My mom sent it to me, so I think it's good. I don't know. Dochi seems cool. I like her music. But yeah, it's weird.

It's weird. Like, I want a journal again. It actually kept me sane. It kept me really present. And it made me feel so grateful for what I have. And trust me, I'm grateful. It's not like I'm not. But sometimes we just,

we get in this thought loop that that does hurt us and doesn't let us acknowledge what what good there is because we're so locked in the thought loop and i don't want to be perfect like i don't want to just you know get a flip phone and that's it because i don't think that's the answer but i think it's about being more mindful about what is actually affecting me and what is actually hurting me and i think that my media consumption habits are doing more wrong than they are doing right. And now it's on me to change it, you know? And maybe you feel similarly about something else.

Maybe there's another consumption habit that you have that you know is bad because it's affecting the way you view yourself. It's affecting the way that you view other people. It's making you anxious. It's making you feel less than. It's an age old question. Is it hurting you? Yes.

Okay. Then you go. Then we, okay. we at least know it's doing that. Now we got to work to change it. Now we got to work to do something else. You know, going back to like knowing about my partner's pasts, I was always intrigued because I think subconsciously,

I wanted to know that I was the best. When that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What matters is that they like you for you and you're sharing something in the moment and the present. But instead, oh my goodness. It's like we have to, we have to know. But it's not a Nardwar episode.

You don't need to know. What information, like, what more does that information give you if you've already accepted who they are? And I think I did it as a form of, you know, self-sabotage too. I would just pry and pry and hear about details. I did not need to know. And it's, you know what, hey, it's different. I think you get to a certain point where you get comfortable in who you are. There's a certain amount where you can be like, yeah, I don't really.

care, you know, it's chill. But for a lot of us, like, we're sensitive to it. You know, people talk about Gen Z being sensitive. All right. I mean, hey, we just, we feel the emotions, you know. That's okay. You shouldn't feel guilty for that. I think I've learned to stop feeling guilty and just ask myself, yo, is this hurting me? Like, is this affecting my day to day? Yes. Okay, then I got a, I got to step away from it. I can't be. doing it all the time. I can't be asking these questions. What's his name? Where are you? You know, no, you can't. Where is she? You can't, you can't, you can't be dark night, bro. Oh man. I think a lot of things are catching up to me. A lot of good things and a lot of bad things. But I think that, you know,

I'm having a moment in my life where it's kind of like a crossroad. There are so many beautiful things that if I want to enjoy, I have to be present for them. And there are also so many things that are emotionally hard to deal with and manage that I also have to be present for. What the Sigma? Why? Why? Why, bro?

Can I just have one or not both? But I think that, you know, both of these things are actually good. They're not hurting me. They're actually making me feel very, uh, very alive. And I'm very grateful for them. That's weird. I'm processing a lot of things at the same time. And it feels good.

It doesn't feel bad. But it's heavy. Heavy on my heart. No lucky. It feels heavy. And I think I, I, I need to spend some more time alone. I think I need to give myself the grace and not, feel like I need to be a servant to my desires. I think it's okay for me to chill out a little bit.

And I think that my fear of doing that because in the past I would do that and not stay on top of my work or stay on top of my life is actually hurting me. Because I think I've got a grasp on it now. I'm not perfect. I'm not nice with it. But I have an understanding of how to turn it back on. You know? In the past, I would just kind of stop being consistent with something, and I wouldn't be able to pick it back up because I would have this backlog of like,

well, I want to do this, I want to do that, and now I know it's that's not how this works. You've got to pick up where you left off. It's like building a Lego building, right? You have the manuals. You're flipping through the five different manuals they give you, and it's like you finish three of the manuals, and you have like a, you know, 75% of the building, okay.

You're building the Lego set, and then all of a sudden, mom calls you. Dinner! Dinner's ready! Okay, you got to, you know, you got to drop everything that you're doing, and you got to go and eat your pizza rolls or whatever you Americans eat. I was eating some good Polish grub. No, I'm kidding, bro. My favorite food is mac and cheese.

Like, I'll stand by it until the day I'd die. It's incredible. Oh, my God. But you have to leave that. half-built Lego set downstairs in the basement you got to go eat dinner and then you got to come back to it

and I think in the past I wouldn't want to come back to it I would be like well I was in a flow I'll just wait till tomorrow and tomorrow comes and then I want to do something completely different you know now I know it's like no you got to strike the iron while it's hot and once you kind of get it in your system of like okay I know what this consistency

looks like then you can take a break you can because if you don't it's going to hurt you it is weird right because you would think you're like i want to grind my gears until i can't grind it anymore you know in a similar vein i want to ask all of these really personal and and and uh honestly like self self sabotaging questions towards my partner so i can callous my mind from them it's like why why would you do that i think it's a lack of self-respect. I think it's a lack of knowing that, like, you have the right to not feel pain

when you're with somebody. You have the right to feel good in a relationship. You have the right to, like, mess up and make a mistake and not feel confident. It doesn't make you less of a person. And these things that we do, I don't think we even realize that some of them truly are hurting us because we don't, we just don't respect ourselves. But that just keeps building and it will keep hurting and it will keep feeling worse and worse and worse. And Zerke's show, I just want you to know that at some point you will come to this conclusion that it didn't have to be that way. You didn't have to do that. It's a tough pill to swallow, but in a similar sense, you don't have to continue to do that

because you can turn it from hurting you into it hurt you but that's it because now you've made that change now you know what's good for you and you're going to focus your energy on doing that and not the latter did you know that the Zerky Show is everywhere you go

that is correct you can watch it you can scroll it you can stream it the choice is yours we have great communities all over the interweb so if you want to tap in tap in do the things that bring you joy, explore some new place, and try something that scares you. I feel like a lot of us like to avoid that, but honestly, that's where you grow the most. Outside of that, man, have some Korean barbecue. It bangs. It's so good. Oh my gosh. I'm going to try to have some tonight, honestly. And if you need somebody to believe in you, if you're trying something new, just know that I

believe in you. I trust you in Zerki Show. As always, I am sending you lots of love and Peace