the zurkie show - you don’t have to force love

Episode Date: December 20, 2025

it's better to have an uncomfortable conversation than trying to keep something that was never meant to work.but stop lying to yourself.you don't need to reciprocate love if you don't feel it.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

One of the scariest questions you can ever be asked is, do you love me? Especially if you know deep down in your heart, you don't. It's easier to tell somebody what they want to hear. Yeah, of course I love you. Yeah, you're my guy. Or yeah, yeah, I do. Of course, yeah. It's harder to be honest.

What does love even mean? I mean, I love my friends, but loving somebody in a relationship. What does that entail? and what if your examples of love have only been conditional you've never actually experienced somebody who understood you made mistakes they'd call you out on it but they would never threaten you with every small little thing that you did do you love me is something that i think people are afraid to answer but more people in this world are afraid to ask because the answer is going to be hard it could be the best day of your life when somebody responds yes i do love you it could be the worst because it

could mean that you have to break somebody's heart but i think at the end of the day you should ask people if they love you because although they might not show it all the time i think you are loved by more people than you realize. And a lot of us, we go down this spiral of thinking, does anybody love me? Does anyone want me here on this planet? Does anybody want me to be just chilling in the snow right now in Colorado? Whereas all of this for nothing. And I think it's a very dangerous game when you convince yourself that nobody in this world loves you. I used to think I was unlovable until I started to kind of except, you know what, I am the way that I am. I got my flaws.

I'm going to live life in an imperfect way. It's on some chill-splish. Like, we'll figure it out. And I don't need everybody in this world to love me. I just want a boo-thang, a beautiful girlfriend that I have. She loves me. That's beautiful. I really cherish that love.

My parents, they're the goats. They love me. They support. me. I got friends that love me and support me. I got fans too that really like the show and in a way they love me and support me. But it's a dark moment where you have to question, does anybody really care about me in this world? Or does the person that I'm spending so much time with and that I'm trying to love so deeply, do they even love me? What if they don't? What if you're in a relationship. What if it's doomed? What do you do? How do you admit to yourself? This person

does not love me. I've tried to extend my hand. I've tried to be a good person. I've tried to be there for them. They don't care. They just don't. It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets. Begin your next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip.

Play. Post. Taste. View and enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. It's hard. There's no good answer.

Just leave them. Yeah, that's a part of it. But also, you have to ask yourself, How did you allow yourself to get in a position where you didn't feel loved by the person who was supposed to love you most? Was it because you didn't know how to receive that kind of love? Was it because you just picked bad? Or was it because you had something and it started to slowly erode away? And maybe it's a combination of all of that.

It's such a devastating feeling when you really, love somebody you appreciate them and you just see them destroy something good and you can't stop it because they've convinced in their mind that they're worthless that this relationship is worthless and that any kind of act of trying to bring something together they push it away i i commend you for being able to try for being there for putting in hard work for just giving it you're all And sometimes you just got to ask, do you love me? Is all this for something? Or are we better off separate?

Because if you do love me and you do respect me, do you respect me and love me enough to let me go and live my life? Do you love me and respect me enough to realize you're holding me back? I don't feel good about it. anything. I feel like you're, you're a net negative on my life. Wow. But that's the truth. I've had to cut out good people in my life that I really loved because they just, they didn't see me. They didn't appreciate me. I, of course, was upset by it, but I stopped taking it personally. I just realized I'm not going to be able to be loved by everyone

I think a lot of us try to seek love and quick dopamine we try to seek love and lust we try to seek love out of quick experiences that we can lie to ourselves as true love but it's not and it's like I've man when you're hitting it off with somebody right let's say you haven't dated somebody in a long time And you all have this like W-Kem.

You're staying up super late, talking, laughing, and then you meet in person and it's just like, is this the same person? It's so devastating. It almost makes you just want to quit, man. It does, but that's part of it. You might have something, you know, you think is the best you'll get right now.

But if that person doesn't love you, and they're just kind of there, they're just kind of along for the ride, And both of you are kind of lying to yourselves that this is great, even though it's not. Y'all haven't changed at all. You've regressed. You used to be excited to see each other. And now it's like, oh, what's up?

All right. And listen, love changes. You know, the way that you're going to be with your significant other on year one and year 40 is very different. And, you know, there's unrealistic expectations that you'll have puppy love all the time. But love grows. it grows and it becomes less performative and more real and you start to appreciate yourselves a lot more more but if that person doesn't love you and they're holding on to you for dear life because you are a status symbol to them because you are the only love they've ever had because they have

compromised something in their own life to have you as their partner That's a slippery slope. It's dangerous. Love is dangerous to know where it's coming from. And why are you being loved? Is it because you represent something to somebody? Is it because they see a part of themselves and you? Or is it because they secretly want to be better than you?

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Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the Everyday with Amazon. I think so. I think there's a lot of resentment that can build in relationships. A lot of people can be very spiteful in them. And if you don't have genuine, unconditional love for each other, you will begin to slowly build reasons

why somebody is not that good for you, or they're just missing the mark. But instead of working that out and having these kind of issues and bringing them up and being like, hey, man, you've been dropping the ball in our friendship. what's going on you don't call me you don't pick up you don't even like initiate us hanging out hey like our relationship has been kind of stale i've tried to do a date night i've tried to like cook

dinner for you and you're just like no i'm not interested what's going on instead of doing that you go behind their back and you start talking about them and you tell all your friends how you know disrespectful they are and how much you want to leave them would you want that done to you I don't think you would. So why would you do it to somebody that you are almost certain as a soulmate? It's somebody you want to date, get to know better. It's just somebody you enjoy being around. If you truly love me, why would you say things behind my back?

Why would you try to make me miserable? And people make mistakes, you know, I don't hold that against people. I make mistakes every day. But that deliberate idea of wanting to cause damage onto somebody else, it's messed up, but it's kind of surreal. The amount of like loopholes we can go through in our minds to justify treating somebody so badly and so poorly over and over again, it's almost like you dehumanize them in your mind and you just say, well, they're whatever.

I mean, they're going to be my ex anyways. And you don't even work things out. You jump to conclusions. You tell yourself, well, I mean, it's just the relationship is done. You don't even fight to save it at all because you don't love them. And that is okay. I'm not going to sit here and act like that's, you're a terrible person for that. We all make mistakes and it's better to realize you don't love them, you don't like them, you don't want to be around them, they annoy you.

Y'all don't have any chemistry you haven't been intimate in months. Then to try to continue to lie to yourself and be like, yeah, they do love me I love them no you don't no you don't and maybe you're going through a rough patch right now and that's okay and maybe you're going to rebuild it and I have full faith in you for you doing that but oh my goodness be honest be honest at what point is it worth the time and the energy if they're not going to reciprocate it at what point is it worth losing a part of yourself just to keep something that is in strands, in shards, destroyed. At what point does it make sense? To keep convincing yourself, they love me, they do. I think you get to a point where you have to

respect yourself and your life. And I also think you get to a point where, if you're asking yourself, is there better than this? Is this it for me? Is this all I deserve? Uh-oh. The answer is you probably do. I think that, you know, all of us deal with comparison and relationships and think, oh, you know, maybe I want to do this, maybe I want to do that, you know, maybe I want

to be with this person and that person. But I think you know deep down when you're questioning a relationship and your sanity in it, and if it actually makes sense to stay with them. And the worst feeling in the world is when you don't even feel loved by the person that is supposed to love you the most. And some of us don't even deal with that in our relationship. We deal with that with our parents and our family. Oh, yeah, that can be dark.

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Level up your business with FedEx, the new power move. And that can be twisted, and you might not even have a reference point for what love is. You have to learn it from scratch. You have to take people's words for it. And you have to ask yourself, okay, do I want to feel that bad? No. That's not how I want to feel loved. And that's great. Now we work to figure out what does being loved look like for you because everyone is different. Everyone has different needs. Some people are more independent. They don't really need to interact, have intimate hugs and stuff with others. They can just be on their lonely and they're chilling. Other people need that attention. They need that like, hey, check in. Call me. You know, what's up? but I will say if you love somebody

you're not going to be codependent on them you're not you're going to love them enough to give them their own space and you're going to love them enough to know that the decisions that they're going to make are going to be in their best interest and hopefully in yours so many of us try to micromanage other people

I do this all the time and sometimes it's it's because well it's because I love them I just want them to be on top of all of their things. I just want them to be, you know, going to the gym and working out just like me. But not everyone is you. And sometimes people need more time. Because I have found that people who love me, they give me time, they give me space, and they give me so much patience.

And is the bare minimum for me to do that in return. And not to hold such an insane high standard. That doesn't mean you don't call people out, right? If somebody is like avoiding you, you don't sit there and go, well, they're just taking their space. You'd be like, bro, why aren't you talking to me? What's going on? You feel guilty or something? Like, what's, you cheat on me? You know, what's going on? Love is a weird thing. Like, it's kind of, it's one of those things you, when you feel stimulated in that sense and you feel so happy to be with somebody.

sometimes that might be just like a dirty fuel of angst of like oh i hope they like me back i hope i hope i'm doing a good job and that's not love like i think love should feel simple it's an understanding it's it's like people say it just clicks you just you're like yeah there's no there i love them there's not another option and it's like it's funny you know tyler has a song i I don't love you anymore. I don't know if you can't just not love somebody anymore. I think there'll always be a piece of you that, you know, an older version fell in love with that person or that friend or, you know, that individual.

And I think demonizing that and being like, oh, so stupid, I was an idiot for that. It's like, okay, you know, yeah, you picked a bad apple. It happens, but you loved them at once. one point. There's people I've loved I've had to let go of and I'll never sit there and just say, you know, I hate them. You know, I loved them at one point. In a way of collected experiences that I am as a human being, I always will, but

doesn't mean that I actively love them right now. No. I actively love being here. Being with the love of my life. being with my parents being with my dog being with my friends those are the things that matter to me right now and I feel really happy and inspired by that's what I love I've stopped trying to you know demand people love me and I've just tried to be better about being me because if somebody is going to love me they will love me

based on who I am. I don't want them to love me off of the idea they have in their mind of who I could be. I want them to love me for who I am right now and to see my flaws and see how I could be better. And if that is too much to ask, then I don't think we're a right fit. If they don't even want to

appreciate you for who you are right now, what makes you think that they're going to appreciate you in the long term? And they're going to stand up for you in the long term and love you in the long term. I would really urge you to think about it. And are you ready for that? If you are in a relationship right now where you need some reassurance

because it ain't going the best, maybe the scary question, the one that you don't want to ask, is the one that's going to reveal all the answers. Do you love me? Whoa. Or are we just not? a good fit for each other.

Is this just not going to work? And you know what? If it's not going to work, that's okay. I'm not going to hold it against you. But if you love me, you'll know when to let me go. Zerky Show. Today's episode of The Zirky Show is filmed in beautiful

Cripple Creek, Colorado. Your homework and a goal in your life is to come and visit Colorado. It is unreal. Did you know that the Zirky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours if you want to tap in. It's the Zirky Show all over the globe. So tap in.

Do the things that bring you joy. I appreciate you so much for listening. And I hope that it brings you a different perspective. Maybe you needed to hear it. Maybe it's something that's making you think about your relationship a little bit differently. I hope I'm not homewrecking. And if I am, I'm trolling. I'm trolling.

Other than that Zirky Show, if you're trying to something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, I'm sending you all lots. of love and be