the zurkie show - you don’t have to give up your life to date

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

just remember that your life matters.sure, having a significant other is one of the best experiences around...but it shouldn't cost you giving up the person you are.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

Maybe it was the right person, but the wrong time. And maybe there was never a time for both of you in this life to have something work. And you know what? It's probably for the better. I know you're upset. And I know that you're sad. I know you're frustrated. But I do think that it happened the way it was supposed to.

And now you can't hold on to this experience, this person, whatever. and feel very, very upset and feel almost like it was your fault that you lost them, or you can realize that it not working taught you so much more that you would never know beforehand. It's really difficult when you love somebody, and you don't want to let them go because you know it will make your life very different. It will make you feel more alone. It will probably expose a lot of the things that you've been distracting yourself from, like your lack of self-worth and wrapping your entire identity into another person just so you can feel less alone.

But I do think that people underestimate the power of just letting something go. You don't have control over another person oftentimes in a relationship. And I think people try so, so much to hold on to things that were never good for. for them in the first place. And maybe in their mind they've convinced themselves that this is a true love. This is a true thing. And I'm sure you felt that or you were just like, man, this is, this person makes me smile and laugh in a way that nobody else has. This person lights my soul on fire like I've never had from even a best friend. How can I distance myself from somebody like this? And it doesn't even have to be a relationship. It can just be a friend or a relative

that either is no longer here or you have to distance yourself from. I still think you can keep them alive in your mind. I still think that the good parts of your experiences, the memories and the things that you have made together, you don't have to sour them and tell yourself, no, all of that is bad and was worth nothing because in the end we didn't stay together. What if staying together is the cherry on top?

It's not the mission. I think that a lot of relationships run their course a little too long because people are afraid to part ways and see what else is out there. And don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean that you should break up with them. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't fight to have something good. A lot of us don't know we had it good until it's gone, right? It means you have to be honest. And it also means you have to know if you're screwing up.

recently I've had to look in the mirror a lot. I felt a certain way about some of my friendships, some of my relationships that I have in my life, right? Like, oh, well, maybe I need to spend less time with people and I got to be alone. And although I recognize that having alone time is good and I need that because honestly, guys, man, I just get like, I get to a point with other people being around other people all the time where I just don't have joy. I get a lot of joy from doing things alone and not feeling like I have to subscribe to somebody else's routine.

It honestly, if I'm quite frank, no ocean, pisses me off. Being able to just do my own thing without somebody behind my, you know, back being like, well, why don't we do this? Bro, no, let's not get Korean barbecue. Let's get hot pot. Like, I can do it. And I agree. Like, I'm, I've nothing, you know, against sacrificing.

for the good of the group sometimes, especially when it comes to food. I'm a human trash compact or I'll eat anything. But in terms of that, I need my freedom. And I've recognized that that plays into my relationship sometimes when I do feel like I'm being kind of boxed in. I don't have the same freedom that I used to have when I was alone. But again, I think that also comes from how you're viewing the time together. Do you view you being around your friends, around your partner as something that,

that you, the both of you, need to be entirely locked in all the time, doing the same thing, or spending time all the time together. Because I don't think that that's healthy. I don't think so. I actually think you need a balance. And although, yes, you know, it's wonderful when you two are inseparable, it gets stale. When you don't have the ability to miss your other half in a relationship or miss your friend in a friendship, it gets stale.

You get used to each other. It's the sad part of the human experience. And that's why I think time apart is so valuable because it doesn't cloud our judgment with like, bro, this person's here all the time. Oh, my goodness. You miss them. This episode is brought to you by Tell us Online Security.

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Learn more at tellus.com slash online security. No one can prevent all cybercrime or identity theft. Conditions apply. You yearn for that time to spend with them, and those moments become even more impactful than you just kind of being with each other and, you know, like putting in half the effort that you would if you hadn't seen each other for a moment. a while and then boom you're together so for me i need my side quests i need my solo adventures i need walking around the city of toronto trying to get to high park but like the the train line is delayed

and then i try to head on another train right and there's like some kind of emergency at one of the station so i can't even go on that like those are the memories that i need to create with myself and i really enjoy it and i like being in my own head i like thinking i like observing the world and just having free space in my brain. It's very nice. And I do think that we lose the perspective of our relationships, our friendships, our friendships over time. We might get annoyed with our partner or our friend or our family. And all of a sudden this really like beautiful version of them that we have in our mind gets locked away behind like a staircase. Like, it's like Harry Potter where it's behind, like, the stairs or whatever.

Isn't that where he lived? Because he was, like, banished? Right, like that. You hide him in there. And instead, you focus on, like, every level of them annoying you or making you kind of a little bit irritable. When we forget that, we are able to create these narratives in our brains about these people. And we're able to be like, oh, well, maybe they're not that good. Oh, maybe I actually don't like them and I hate being around them.

Maybe I'm not going to get them a gift for Christmas. Like, we just create the perfect excuses not to like somebody. Versus, when we put everything in a perspective and actually look at all the good, and sometimes it's hard to do when you're pissed off at somebody, or it's hard to do when you're in like a mood of just like negativity, right? You really have to take a minute to acknowledge all the good things. Even if it's painful, you have to look at it objectively and think, what does this person bring to me?

What do they bring to my life? Why am I happy that they're here? Why do I spend so much time with them? And soon you start going down that townhouse in the UK, right, that Harry Potter was living in. And you're able to go into that little basement closet thing under the stairs, unlock it, and bring out that version of them that you love, that you fell in love with, that you really enjoy and you like. And it's weird, man. like your feelings for people and your feelings in general towards, you know, significant others, maybe your friends, maybe your family, they'll change throughout your life as you go through

different things. I think that's normal. But what isn't normal is building narratives against the people that you love. Because what's actually going on is you're dropping the ball a little bit. You're dealing with stuff, right? Maybe you are upset at your. current work ethic, your current job at your current life, and it's making you think that everything else is the problem and you're not taking the accountability. I know, I know, I know, I know. That sounds crazy, right? But I don't think it's that crazy. I think it's normal. Dude, we look for things as excuses as ways to cope. That's human. We do. Because think about it. being accountable all the time and putting all of this stuff onto you, it would be impossible

to get out of bed. So you need something to kind of, for the time being, dish out your problems, your angst, your feelings of low self-esteem onto something else. So that's really what the problem is here. I will say, you know if something is causing you more pain than good. And even if that version of them is so good, but the negatives is so bad, Right? Like it just overpowers your life. And it makes you feel like you are drowning in emotions, drowning and a version of yourself that you're not happy with drowning. And just like a life you don't want to live, a routine that sucks, a feeling of anxiousness, of dread seeing them. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong. and I don't think you owe it to anybody to stay in something that is wrong.

Even if they've expressed to you how much they love you, how much they care for you, that's great. And that's, you know, you should be very grateful they did that. But it does not mean that you are obligated to stay in something that isn't working for you. And I think I've stayed in a lot of those kinds of relationships. I've shut off the part of me that was upset. set or a little bit confused and weirded out. And instead I was like, this is going to, this will pass and it'll get better. But man, again, you know, I've said it time and time again.

It's something I'm learning. People rarely change until they, unless they really, really want to and they have to want it themselves. It can't be because somebody told them. It can't be because, you know, their parents are putting pressure on them. It has to, it has to come from within. It can, you know, you might. be the trigger for that. And it might be something that you have to just leave behind in order for

them to change. And that's no longer the person that you're going to spend your time with. And you have to accept that too, which is such a weird thing to accept that like, oh my goodness. And it doesn't mean that you are completely innocent. You're not perfect. You probably messed up. you probably overlooked certain red flags and you probably thought no i mean they did it with this other person they're not going to do it with me and you didn't think of the long term and it's weird because in life right we're told we got to focus on the present i'm somebody who loves focusing on the present what i have right now but there is a level of accountability that comes with forward thinking recognizing patterns and people, but also, you can't overanalyze everything.

Where is the balance, Zerk? Like, this is crazy. How am I supposed to balance all this stuff out? I know. It's so difficult, and I'm having trouble with that right now. I'm so torn. That's been like the beginning of my 2026. I've just been torn.

I'm being pulled in a lot of different directions. But in reality, everything is about the scale. it's about how much of something you use at a certain period of time, right? It's about the balance. It isn't about being gun-ho one way and completely against the other way. And this is something I think that with this world we're learning, right? Like people are very absolute. It's either one way or the highway.

And sometimes you've got to take an overpass, bro. Sometimes you've got to take a country road. Like, sometimes there is no highway. Like, what am I supposed to do then? I have to take a ferry. I'm going somewhere completely different, right? And that's your job is to figure out that means of transportation. And if the road doesn't exist, you have to build it for yourself.

I know. Crazy analogy, but it's very true. And you have to use what you feel is right. That's basically the best advice I've ever. gotten was you have to use what you feel is right. And realize that you might mess up in that. You might be like, okay, you know, my boyfriend cheated on me. My girlfriend lied to me. And she's totally texting somebody else. All right. Like, I have empathy. I can forgive. I'm not going to forget, but I'll forgive her. Give her another chance. She goes and does it again.

Big surprise, right? You learn. But then again, that, that, that could. not happen. She could get caught. She could have cheated on you and been like, you know what, that pain hurts so much. I'm never going to do that again. You matter to me so much. I'm going to keep you in my life. And people will tell you, you know, you'll see it online. You'll even see it from your friends. Some people will be like, bro, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't, right? But everything is circumstantial. You don't know that. Am I telling you to get back with your cheating abusive boyfriend? No, I'm not saying that, okay? That's not. That's not. not at all what you should take away from this. But you should take away the fact that no situation

is cookie cutter. It's not. There's always nuance and you have to look at the nuance and understand, okay, what is going on in this? Like, this relationship feels off, but why? Why does it feel off? It's not because of just our lack of intimacy. It's not because of just like the fact we haven't talked in a while. It's because of me, too. I'm holding some kind of grudge in this relationship, or I'm feeling kind of overlooked, or something is just making me make it worse. And I think that that's the root, and that's why I'm packing all of these problems into one box and being like, this is cooked. It's always deeper than that, right? It's always deeper than just, things are just falling apart like there are always strings attached to everything so my biggest

piece of advice for that is if you are feeling torn about your relationships torn about your friendships torn about your friendships how you're how you're being perceived in them if you feel like you're you're you're really fulfilling your time well like it feels good to be in them if you're questioning any of it take time for yourself that is the antidote that is the antidote to all of the overthinking is take time for yourself. Don't ruminate in anything. Don't sit there and stew the pot of, oh, my goodness, it's only a matter of time before we break up.

Focus on yourself. Because if you are doing all the things for yourself that matter and that feel good, and you do feel like you have this entire kind of grasp over your relationship with yourself, it will be easier to analyze and feel through what's going to be. going on with other people. The minute that you let go of yourself and what you're doing, it's done, it's done. It is so easy to get distracted by other people,

fall into bad habits with other people, and lose yourself and other people. But if you kind of build that stability back with yourself, and it is a scope, man. It is like a stock. Sometimes you're just locked in, you're going up, you're feeling really good, and then a crash, right? Like you have a bad month,

you have a really challenging, month at school, it throws you off your game. That is normal. That happens, right? But it is about getting back up and figuring out, okay, let's get back to the basics. Let's tweak this a little bit. You know what? I was like lifting like crazy and then I injured my shoulder. Maybe I don't lift that heavy. Maybe I chill out a little bit, find another sport I can play. Maybe I stop reading into every small thing that happens with me and my girlfriend or with me and my crush. I'm just. I don't know. I I stop worrying so much as to like, what does this text mean? What is she saying?

And I just ask for clarification so I don't get this anxious buildup within my nervous system where I'm just like, you know, I'm scrunched. You got to refine yourself. And that is a lifelong thing. You're never going to reach the nirvana of, you know, your own habits and your own personality. You're always going to be changing. You're always going to be refining who you are. So enjoy the process of it.

Take notes, man. Journal. Right. That's something that I cannot wait to do when I get back to Austin and my legs aren't frozen cold. I'm standing literally. It feels like I'm standing on like cement right now. And it's my torso that's standing.

I can't feel anything below the torso right now, which is awesome. But yeah, bro. Just know it's going to be fine. Like, you're going to be fine. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Jo.

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Play. Post. Taste. View and enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. Your relationship might crumble. Your friendships might dissolve.

You might be alone. But you're going to be fine. You might feel like you're losing somebody that's, been responsible for who you are as a person, your growth, exposing you to different genres of music, teaching you different things about yourself you never knew, right? I get that. But what's the point of all of this if it's not to learn more about you?

And what's the point of all of this if it isn't to sacrifice sometimes for better? And at the end of the day, man, if you are unhappy and you just, it's rough for you to be around the people you're around or man you just you're not happy with who you are as a person why would you keep doing this why would you keep subjecting yourself to just this this mundane mundane life because it's comfortable and being honest with somebody isn't and telling somebody that you need space isn't but you can do it you can do it you can't you can't I don't promise that it will be easy, because rarely are these things easy, but the more that you kind of build it into your mind of this really, really oppressive thing, the harder it is going to go into it as a conversation and as something where you can work through it with someone. We also like to hype ourselves up on the idea.

We're going to break up with somebody. Oh, it's over. This friendship is cooked. I can't wait to tell them. And then you see them. You talk to them. and you're reminded, dang, man, they're a really cool person. I don't want to break their heart.

I actually want to nurture this relationship more. And I've kind of been selfish. I've kind of been overlooking the things that really matter, and instead I've been focusing on all the things like, we don't go on movie dates enough. Oh, my, he doesn't, you know, I did these challenges with him, and he said the wrong words. What is up with that anyways?

You got me messed up if you think I'm ever doing one of them challenges, bro. I mean, I'll do them, but if I fail them, I do not care. It's like, come on. Have the conversation after you have thought about it. And I'm like someone who's done this a lot too. Don't spill your business to your friends right away. Think about it. Really think on it.

before you start looking for second opinions. I think we're quick to throw out how we feel. Really, just our frustrations to our friend and our family, right? Like, just kind of as a soundboard, instead of really thinking through, like, what are we going through? And then being like, okay, I need to figure out what's actually going on here. And then I can seek advice for what's happening. Now, I know.

Sometimes you're going to be frustrated and you're just, just going to need to vent. I get that. But at the same time, like, you got to know where the line is. You got to know when it's venting, no among us, or if it's like, you're just frustrated with a repeat of pattern and you're getting to your, to your, you know, your subway line end. Warning, the line will now be ending. This is the last stop on the situation ship train. doon do you know like especially if you're in a situation ship in 2026 like come on get with the program fom all right we're in the six we're in toronto no situation ship fam we're done with that leave that behind all right focus on you right now stop like wasting your energy on stuff like that it's just

not worth it unless you really have it under control which i doubt you do then like respect if you're one of those few okay but if you're not and you're getting you're getting it's just not and you're more emotionally invested by the day, bro, Benet. Bin it. Either way, Zerky Show. I know it's confusing. Feelings are weird. Feelings are odd.

But they're here for a reason and we're meant to feel them. And I'm very blessed that we can experience these kinds of emotions to help us grow. And at the very end to feel alive. Because it's through this kind of like pain, emotional, physical. that you grow as a human being. And I think we sometimes forget that and instead frame it as everything is bad when in reality

we're being taught a very valuable lesson about ourselves. Today's episode of The Zirky Show was filmed in Toronto, Canada. If you're from Toronto or Canada, man, drop a comment. Let me know. I love your country. I love this city. It's been such a great time. I will be back in Canada. I want to see more of it.

It is just so beautiful. And the people are just great, man. They're awesome. Did you know that the Zerkykyy's just great? Shoe shows everywhere you go. That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, it's the Zerkei show everywhere you go. Once more. Tap in. Do the things that bring you joy and go to new heights, man. Sometimes you're going to have to change your environment, change the people you're around to feel like you've learned more about yourself. And besides that, take it a little bit easy, man. Take a break. Watch some Premier League. Watch some NBA. There was just the football championships for college. I watched it with Indiana. If you're a Hoosier shouts out to you for winning, that was a great game, phenomenal. Other than that, man, if you're trying something new,

just know that I believe in you. And as always, Zirky's show, I'm sending you lots of love and peace. Six, six, six, six, six.