the zurkie show - you fell for someone who didn’t see you

Episode Date: July 18, 2025

know your worth zurkie show.https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

Why did I stay with them when it felt like they didn't like me? When it felt like I was a hassle the whole time. I would crack a joke. They wouldn't laugh. They would find me annoying. Why did I willingly put hours of my life aside for them to just sometimes treat me like I wasn't there? Well, it's because that's all I knew. At least at that point, that's all that I was accustomed to.

And there's a good chance that you felt that way at one point in one of your relationships. and it's made you question every single relationship since then. When you're with somebody who does not see your worth because they don't see the worth within themselves to appreciate someone else, it makes you really question, are you even desired? Is somebody on this earth capable of liking you? Because the one time that you liked somebody,

you found them attractive, you found them fun, you found them cute, they may be reciprocated, maybe they did so in a way that was like, this is fun, maybe they spun you into a bunch of different situations and made you question what a relationship is, oh, it's complicated, I don't know, how's your relationship going? Oh, it's going fine, it's going good. The truth is you were never desired. but that doesn't mean that there isn't somebody who will appreciate every single part of you, especially the part of you that you fear showing. Of course you would fear showing a side of you that's vulnerable. Of course you would fear showing a side of you that is real.

It's completely real. Because in today's world, it's judgey. It's judgy if you let it be judgy. People are afraid. I think a big part of the reason we're seeing less and less relationships is people don't want to go through the pain of being hurt. And being hurt in some instances can be really costly. So the way that you feel is completely normal.

But what I want to tell you is that you deserve to have a good relationship. You deserve to be with somebody that will bring you experience. bring you joy. I think it's unfair for someone to tell you that that's not in your cards because of how you look, because of your height, because of factors out of your control. All of those things, sadly, they matter, right? Let's be honest. All of those things, they play a part.

But that doesn't have to define the way that you interact with the world. But an important thing to ask yourself, no matter who you date, no matter who you're with, no matter who you're friends with, are you desired? Or are you just background noise? Because a lot of things in our lives are just background noise. We hang out with the same people because we grew up with them, because we feel comfortable, because they're fine. But they don't excite us.

They don't bring new perspectives into our world. They don't challenge the way that we think at all. It's just comfort. You stay in a relationship with somebody for four or five years. because it's comfortable, even though you're thinking, man, if they cheated on me, that would be the perfect opportunity to get rid of them for good. You're not desired. You're not desired. And it's hard to be desired. Because to be desired, you have to believe that you are desirable. And that's where I think the source of this problem starts. I think a lot of us are insanely hypercritical

of our self-image. I'm not one to say that, no, looks don't matter because they do. Can we be honest for once they do? I think that we think they matter more than they actually do because looks are great, but it's like you pick up a good-looking book and you read the first chapter. It's like, this is mid, or you click on something that has an insane thumbnail, and you're like, dude, this is AI. That's happened so many more times than I can count.

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Post. Taste. View and enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. Substance is insanely important. Looks are a good opener to the door, but if you don't have substance as a human being,

I would rather hang with people who have substance. That's just me. And the truth is, is there are millions of us that feel that way. way. But we're kind of being, I don't know, lulled into believing that you do need to live a certain way to live a good life. You need to have a certain life in an influencer sense, do a bunch of different things to be worthy of sharing your stories or existing. You don't need any of that. You don't need any of that. Some of the coolest people I've met in my life come from this. country in Europe called Poland.

And the one thing I have to say about, you know, the people here, the people I meet in my family, is they just, bro, they're geeks about the stuff that they like. If they like skiing, they prioritize going skiing. If they like their family and they like to be a dad, they prioritize being a dad. They build substance within themselves. And I think that that makes it easier to desire. them. But I think it's also easy to say that, you know. I think that I feel desirable because of my work ethic. And I used to think I was lazy. I still think I'm lazy. It's a, it's a thought that

pops into my brain sometimes that I'm not doing enough. I could be doing more and that I'm letting people down. But I have learned that my inner critic likes to lie to me because my inner critic has its own interests. It wants me to sabotage myself every time. It wants me to give in to bad habits that I've had in the past. It wants me to stay up late thinking about, you know, how much I am throwing away in my life, which is like, shut up. On some smosh, shut up, you know.

Its job is to do that. Like your thoughts that are negative, they, want you to kind of spiral into this pit so it is, it's easy to motivate you to do things within its interest. Like, for example, watching certain videos you shouldn't be watching at 3 a.m. What? Giving into your vices. At 3 a.m., a bag of checks mix, cheddar checks mix, looks a whole lot better than at 7 a.m. when I've slept a whole night and I've rested and my brain is like, okay. Dude, oh my gosh, I haven't had checks mix in a minute.

That's something I still deal with today. But what I find is when I do acknowledge the critic's voice and I say, okay, I hear you, but I'm not, I'm taking this as a sign that there are other things I need to work on. working on those things reaps beautiful benefits, beautiful benefits. It almost is it's like it's like watering plants

bro. Like it's just the fruits of your labor in that really blossom. And in the same way when I when I started to recognize that my inner critic was trying to lie to me and tell me you're so fat, you're so ugly like oh you your hairline is cooked. Oh I mean who would want to date somebody with like a nose is wide as yours. Like you're, you're gonna, it's done. Oh, you got so much face fat. Like, it was hyper fixating on everything. And sure, everyone has insecurities. I got insecurities.

I see these bags under my eyes and I'm like, you know, but when I started to like flip it and go, okay, you know what? My inner critic is trying to tell me that these things are bad about me. What if I, like, rocked them and I championed them? What if I just like flipped it? And I said, yeah, I got, I got these things going on. But, you know, what I look good today. I got a nice shirt on. I got my Elvis shirt on. My grandma, she played Elvis all the time in the car growing up. So I'm like an Elvis fan by default. It's my default skin. But that makes me feel good. It gets me out of my own head. And it makes me believe that I am desirable, that I do the work that's necessary. So how do we? we know if we're being desired in a relationship? I think that's a valid question that we should ask because it's cool when you have a lot of attention, right, in a relationship early on. But how do you know that somebody isn't just kind of, you know, doing the little dance for you

to like them back and they're going to, again, use you to pass the time? I think it comes from care. Do they care about you? And not in a way that, like, would be the, the, the, the, default for like what a boyfriend would do. I hear this a lot when I talk to people about relationships of like, well, I did everything a boyfriend would do. Are they acting in that way or are they like going out of their way to show intention? Do they listen to what you say? Do they take notes on what you say? Do they know the details about your life that you would expect them to know? And if your answer is like, well, I would never ask them that. Why not? Why not? Why? Why not?

If you feel like this relationship means something to you, I feel that kind of level of communication is insanely important. Because it's an expectation and it matters to you. You should communicate it. I remember there was a time when I was in a relationship where I was being introduced to my girlfriend's parents and she was talking about how I was from another country, which wasn't true, okay, but I understood what she was saying. I'm from Poland.

My family's Polish, whatever. But she didn't say that. She said, yeah, my boyfriend's from Finland. And I was like, what? No, babe, no, I'm from Poland. Like my family and everything about me is from Poland. And she's like, oh, that's right. You mentioned that.

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I did not feel desired. I just didn't feel like the intentionality was there. I don't hold it really against her. It's okay. But it was kind of a signal to me that I'm like, I feel like the partner that I want to be with would know that because it's an important detail to me. The same way as like, does your boyfriend or girlfriend or partner,

like forget your allergy? that happens okay sure it's a small thing right there's smaller things but do they like forget your birthday or do they like forget the things that you like small details for me that's something that counts that matters right i'm a details person i like that kind of stuff so i want the person that i'm with to feel that and understand that reciprocate that and so that's how i feel desired For you, you might not be a details person. For you, what might be important is, like, quality time, right? Okay, well, do they make time to spend with you?

Like, are they all the time on the grind? Or, like, with the homies, with the bros? Are they going to Jacksonville for Florida, Georgia weekend when you guys made plans to, like, hang out with your parents? And they're like, oh, I'm sorry, no. Well, it was bro. It's bro time. Yeah.

but you had an agreement. You know, these are the small things that over time, I think when they add up, they make you realize that you're not really being desired. Now, to be fair, you know, it's all subjective. Like, you have to really figure out what kind of acts or what kind of things make you feel like you matter in a relationship. But I know for a big, you know, a big thing for me, and I'm sure for a lot of people, words of affirmation, bro.

just being told yo you're doing a good job you're not messing this up and i actually feel very good about how you're handling the situation or what you're doing i remember the first time you know someone i i loved told me they were proud of me and then i impress them that came from uh for my girlfriend now and it i literally i think i um i like froze i like didn't I couldn't process that that was happening, that somebody could say that. I couldn't even process that that was like a possibility for me. Because I think for a lot of us, we do believe that chances of finding, like, one person that is cool and feels akin to that of a soulmate. It's a fable, right?

It's just, it's an AI-generated story. but that that made me feel insanely desired and it made me feel like that's something I would say and you you said it better than I could what the sigma and I proceeded to rip a what the sigma in the moment man to be desired is to be seen and it's to be understood I think there's a lot of people in your life that see you for sure, but they don't understand your motivations or they don't understand why you feel so strongly about the things that you feel so strongly about. Maybe you are in a relationship where somebody is trying to project an image onto you or project a certain standard of the type of man, the type of woman, the type of partner you should be. if he wanted to he would if she wanted to she would

yeah but maybe like you don't actually want to because that doesn't make you feel desired and you doing the thing actually that you should do in a relationship it's actually like kind of tedious and it doesn't bring you joy

A lot of people are performing and they're trying to be the best boyfriend. They're trying to be the best girlfriend. They're trying to match the images that they see in a carousel versus just like being good themselves and supporting the person they want to be with. The work begins when you start a relationship. It's not like the chase is the fun.

part. Yeah, it's riveting. But I think that people get addicted to the chase and they don't want to actually pursue something because a relationship is work. It is. But I think that things that take work and take time and take effort, those are the things that are worth having, man. Like, those are the things that you look back and you're proud of and that actually teach you something about yourself. What is the 30th situation ship going to teach you about you? Maybe something, but if you are willingly knowing that you don't want a situation ship and you just like want one person, what is that doing for you? It's building the story. Yeah, of loneliness. I think that a lot of people also act out because they don't, they don't feel desired. And so going out and showing

showing out is they're doing it because they want that's the only way they know how to feel seen and I realize that bro listen I was trying to find my validation and and people I would meet at the bars I was I was finding my validation and how many swipes you know that was me too and and it just never came and I don't judge people who they want to feel desired by a bunch of people that's how they want to live that's sick honestly dude more power to you you got a rasta i got a white boy on my roster give me feed me pasta and lobster come on if you know you know but if you are doing that and you don't feel desired i'm just telling you dude slippery slope slippery slope

maybe making a change and trying to commit to one thing one person one place one idea that simplicity will actually make you feel good I know people really like this

one thing I said in an earlier video and it was that life sometimes needs to be like a cane's menu where you have very limited choices but honestly like simplifying your life it gives you peace of mind if that's if that's what you want but you also have to ask yourself like is that what you want maybe right now you're not in that era and right now you're actually

in the process of figuring that out i went on a lot of first dates bro a lot of first dates at coffee shops that is that is the generational meta okay you want unc meta you want zerk meta coffee date run it run it run it run it rock a roll are you desired The one horror story I will tell you, and this is for all of my Zerky Show fans that are in relationships, that are in long-term relationships. Or maybe they're starting out and they want to go long on some, you know, TB12. There are a lot of people that find comfort in a relationship and not because they feel. feel desired, but because it is the one place they find refuge. Because if they spend time alone, they will realize how bad the relationship they are in is.

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like software development and information technology. Learn more at aboutamazon.ca. Really ask yourself if the person that you spend every waking moment texting, calling and being with, if they desire you or are they just driving you mad? And because you have put in like two, three, four, six, seven years, sorry, is it worth it? because the time will just get faster and the more that you

the more that you spend committed in one thing it's like a tree that deeper the roots are going to grow naturally I have a few people in my immediate family in my life who have been in marriages 20 plus years and have gotten divorced

and without fail every time I ask them did you know that something was up from the jump there was a feeling or a premonition all of them say yeah there was and it wasn't just one thing listen you're never going to feel like a hundred percent like yes like this is my person like always there's going to be a little bit of anxiousness that's just stuff we learn from other relationships but if we go with our gut and our gut is like no this is a good person it's a good sign right if you have minimal kind of like oh i don't know about this you know it's for your brain to want to preserve you and want to keep you safe.

Hey, that is what it is. But if you kind of have this discomfort with the idea of potentially spending a lot of time with the person that you're with and actually taking it seriously when you don't want to take it seriously or you do, oh man, that's even worse. just know that a lot of people, a lot of people who have divorces, have these wild just stories of the relationship just imploded, right? They knew. There was a feeling, there was kind of this uncomfortable truth to the idea that the person I am with over time will desire me less and less.

and their ability to become bitter, resentful, and harmful will increase exponentially. I just want to give that as a warning, because I don't think people really talk about that a lot due to relationship as a commitment. And there are too many people that are just going into things just because, whatever, and you end up wrecking somebody. Go into the relationship. Like, you're going to have to learn. You're going to have to do your thing. like you will make mistakes, that's fine. But don't play with somebody.

Don't. Unless you want to, man, and you're a playboy, you know, sin, sin city wasn't made for you. And do your thing. But be courteous. Be courteous to the person that you're with. If you know that you don't want something serious, communicate that.

Don't leave them in a limbo. That is just corny. And it'll come back to you. It always does. I've witnessed it with plenty of my friends. who were on that bachelor life. Oh, you learn certain things you can't unlearn. And then it's hard to commit.

I'm just giving you some food for thought. Final thing I'll say. If you are struggling to feel desired, if you are struggling to feel like you will find somebody who just understands the way that your mind works and actually appreciates the way that it works. I want you to realize that deciding to be idle and not make any progress and not try and not meet people is going to absolutely stunt any potential chance of that happening.

Because I was on that dumerism too. I was very much like I will never find somebody. It's over for me. But I was also honest with myself and deep down, I knew that one day I want to have a family. I want to have a partner and I kind of just. want one person that will be there for me. Be honest with yourself too. I think a lot of people that are saying that they've quit dating. It's too hard. I don't know if all the way you're honest about that. If that is how you feel, that's great. I'm not telling you how to live your life.

Go do your thing. Focus on your career. Focus on your hobbies. Focus on the things that matter to you. And if you do want to find somebody, and that is something that's important to you and having a family, or let alone just having a partner, just having a relationship so you can learn more about yourself through another person, also do those things. Like, continue to learn about yourself. Go places where you can be seen in the way that you want to be seen. If you're not someone who likes to go out, that's not your thing, then you, staying at home will not find you that person that you want. It won't. You got to figure it out. Like, you have to find another way to engage with the world, because if you don't engage with this world in the way that you want to engage with it,

you won't find other people who share the love and the passion that you have for the things that matter to you. Funny enough, it wasn't until I started making the Zerki show and I started really treating it with a lot of respect and gratitude and meeting all of you guys that I found somebody that was good for me. You never know what can happen. And sure, you have every right to feel frustrated. You have every right to feel like it is harder to meet somebody now than it was 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago because it is. But it will continue to be hard. So I would in the meantime figure something out. sell my business. I want the best tax

and investment advice. I want to help my kids and I want to give back to the community. Ooh, then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my head of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth Advisor creates the clarity you need with plans

that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IGPrivatewealth.com. And don't have the idea of finding somebody and being in a relationship be the goal. Just try to find good people, people that you like, and let the feelings grow. If they're meant to grow, they will.

And they will feel good. And you'll feel an attraction to somebody. But don't let somebody try to tell you, no, you got to be with somebody. Oh, you got to do this. Oh, you, come on. You haven't had a single partner? and you're 18? It's fine.

Dude, it's fine. It's really okay. There's not a magical age where you're supposed to have your first relationship. No. I'll let you in on a secret. Nobody cares. People in this world care if you're a good person

and they also care about what you can provide them. That's really the truth. The rest is... It exists. It's just info that exists. But Zerkey should. show, do you feel loved? Do you feel like the person cares about what you say and who you are and how your mind works? And if you are not sure about any of those, ask yourself, are you desired?

And it can also be in a platonic sense. I desire my friends. Okay, especially the guy ones. wow I like hanging out with them I like being there with them I think it's super fun to spend time with all of us together because it's something I look forward to and I find all of my friends so interesting and I wouldn't be here without them find that group of friends that would make you feel the same way and would make you feel like showing up to the hangout is a good going to be a, you know, stand-up bit where they're going to make fun of you for half an hour to an hour, but instead it's a celebration. Because this life is short, and you never know the next time that you're going to see somebody that means a lot to you. Today's episode of the Zerki show was filmed in Krakuf, Poland, Nablocu. Man, if you are ever in Poland, bro, come to Krakuf. It is probably one of my favorite cities in the world. Did you know the Zirki show is everywhere you go. That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is

yours. If you want to tap in, this is the best way to tap in. Do the things that bring you joy and go travel. See the world. Talk to people that don't speak English, okay, and try to have a conversation with chat GPT or Google Translate. It's so awesome. I'm in Poland right now. Next week's episode is going to be in another country. I want you to guess which one that is in Cirkey Show. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, I am sending you lots of love and peace.