the zurkie show - you fell for who they could be

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

if you can't accept the worst parts of someone...then you don't love them.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I want her to be real. The version of her I have in my mind. I want her to exist in front of me. I want to be able to talk to her while we're sipping our coffee and discussing how good it is to be in a relationship together and how much we love each other. But she doesn't exist. Instead, what I'm faced with is somebody I've come to learn

is, well, complaining about her problems that she's not going to change, is making everything in this conversation. conversation feel like a red alarm, boop, boop, boop in a 737 cockpit as an aircraft pilot looks at it and is like, this plane's going down. Why is it so easy to romanticize somebody? And then why do we repeat that process when we are delivered a nice slice of reality? Well, I think it's, it's a very, because accepting somebody's flaws is very difficult, especially when you haven't accepted your own. I like to romanticize myself as much as I like to romanticize other people.

I think of myself as this ideal version of who I can be and what I can do when it's not true. I like to think that this person would be able to match the best version of myself, but if she was who I thought she was in my mind, she would leave me. I mean, if I was in her shoes, I would leave me. What does that say about me? What does it say about you? The way that you think about yourself and how you put it on other people and almost make it an expectation that they need to hustle to the standard of being your girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, when in reality, both of you are just doing the best you can. And if you're not a match, you're not a match.

we overcomplicate this so many times. We try to save relationships that were doomed from the start. We try to make excuses, create these kind of like safeguards for like, no, no, she is doing good. It's just that she doesn't excite me. I can't support her in the way that she needs support, but we're doing just fine. romanticization has made i think dating very difficult and it's made living a fulfilling life very difficult because the standards that are created are so unrealistic and we are now in a tan age where we're able to find any kind of examples tailored examples that are usually not even really

They're made to be content for you to base an entire relationship on, to base an entire person on. And so we create these standards that are just not something anyone is going to be able to live up to. And I'm sure you've experienced this where you like see somebody. And in your mind, you create a whole life with that person. person, which is so insane that you could do that. That's kind of crazy. That's kind of awesome that our brain has this capability of just seeing someone and being like, I can envision an entire existence of us living somewhere on the coast of

California, you know, sipping a macha because it's smoother. It's nicer, you know. And eating a little cheesecake, whatever. And you tell me how much you love me. Even though I haven't even spoken a word to you. Or maybe that's like psycho behavior. And if it is, call me out. Okay.

But I'm sure you've done that too where you're like, oh my gosh, this is, this is the perfect person. No, it's not. No, it's not. You're going to get messed up, buddy, you know? Yeah, the brain is an interesting, an interesting thing that I'm still trying to figure out and I'm still trying to wrap my head around. And I think that with loving somebody and dating and all these things, I know a lot of us are really like, what do we do?

And for me, that was the same case. Like, I was so jaded by the options. I was so jaded by, like, am I going to have to basically, like, fight through my relationship as in, like, emotionally battle all the time? but I think we're overcomplicating a lot of it and we are romanticizing the person instead of looking for something that's good and works you are looking at a magazine seeing like that super expensive watch and being like oh my gosh this is what it is I need this but your little cassio you know the casios that have like the little, the digital watch, it tells you the time.

And it works great and it's reliable. Not saying that that's not cooler. Dude, if I have like a Rolex Submariner, that's sick. You know, Patek Philippe, you know, I'd be like, future. Like, that's awesome. Future! Like, yes, sign me up. But if my watch, you know, works great, it looks great, do I really need it to look like that?

Do I really need it to have that kind of status? Or do I just need it to be reliable? how reliable are your relationships in your life how reliable are you on yourself because dating is taxing going out with people over and over and over again and being let on is taxing we don't talk about that you need time bro you need to relax you need some minutes to just kind of sit alone and be like yo that sucked I kind of took two years after I was

19 18 19 19 19 19 to 21 I didn't I didn't date anybody I'm very thankful I didn't because those were very tumultuous years you know people talk about oh your 20s are goaded

yes but also your 20s are the most insane pendulum swinging years of your life. And they can be very good and you have a lot of energy and they're great. And I think that you right now maybe feel like it sucks, but I think it will be worth it. Just hang in there. I promise you. But I needed to really spend two years not searching for anything.

and I still went on dates, don't get me wrong, but not committing or opening myself up to like, hey, I'm ready for a relationship. Because I was not a person that I think was ready truly to have something like that. I think that there is a very real danger of relationships consuming the entirety of who you are. And maybe romanticization has something at play with it because when you, meet somebody and you're like I'm going to build a life with this person I'm going to be in love with this person you spend so much of your time like going into that standard and like you know hitting the quotas of like all right I need this many kisses I need this many oversized teddy bears on Valentine's day I need to lock in on like making sure that she gets flowers every Friday whatever kind of stuff like that

but I think the best relationships are the ones that are simple it's something else here now Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch.

Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Not easy. Easy, I think, is a, it's a dangerous game. Because just because something is easy does not mean it will work. Because relationships are not easy. They're challenging. They're very, very challenging.

But if they are simple and your conversation and your communication is simple and you are both honest, I think it can be done with relative ease. Doesn't mean that they're easy. They're still hard. But what? It is better. when it's simple. Simplicity. Simplicity is so good. And what I started to do is I got older was romanticize less. Because romanticization, I think, it makes things very complicated because you see your

life, you see somebody else and your life together in a certain way, when in reality you cannot predict anything that will happen. I'm just telling you right now. Maybe you can look at your habits and you can look at the way that you are. That can be a good predictor, but you cannot like, you're not going to know what it's what it's going to look like because your future is a culmination of all the things that happen. All this little slivers amongst your life that build up to something. So in that case, like, you're creating all of these things in your mind of like, I'm going to do this. You know, we're going to move to this country. We're going to live this life.

Then we're going to have these kind of kids. And, you know, we're going to have a perfect life. We're going to be great. We're going to be like together forever. But you, you don't know what's in their mind. You don't know how you are going to change in the next couple of years. You don't know that. I don't know what my life will look like in a year from now.

don't, but I know that I will be doing things I love. That is for certain. I know that who I choose to spend my time with, I will choose wisely. That is for certain. I can hope that my relationship lasts. And I will do everything in my power to make sure it lasts. But I also know that things change. And I don't mean that in a way of pessimism or in a way of, oh yeah, it's cooked. It's over. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I mean. I just want you to understand that there is so much value in taking the present in and not yearning for the future because this is all we have. And it took me a long time to realize that because I was a yearner.

I was somebody who would have, you know, as beats by dry headphones on as a nine-year-old and listen to, you know, dark twisted fantasy and be like, yeah, I'm going to live this life, man. Yeah. And it's like, no. Nope Yeah, you don't know What things Will happen in your life

And how it will play out You might have like an ego-egotistic side of you That's like, I know, like Zerk, you don't need to tell me, bro I'm gonna be like a private jet pilot I'm gonna be chilling and all that I'm gonna be a nurse I'm gonna love my job

All right Just don't say I didn't warn you I'm gonna get married to my high school sweetheart She loves me, bro. All right. When she decides to go to Ohio State and you live in Oregon, let me know. No, okay, that makes it seem like, okay, you know, long distance relationships never work. They work.

If two people want it bad enough, they will work. A hundred percent. Don't ever think that like, oh, you know, my girl's going off to college. It is over. You guys just need to talk about it, honestly, and see if both of you actually want to be with each other. Or is it like, oh, we live in the same. We like hanging out with each other and like, you know, you're young, so you like you want to have somebody. I get that.

But also like, bro, if somebody wants to go out and explore and do their thing, don't hold it against them. Like, let him go. Well, you only need the light when it's burning low. Only miss us when it starts to snow. Only know you love her when you let her go famously. So let her go. Like, tough, man. I had to do that.

It sucked. The worseer thing. is somebody like leaving you on and like kind of you know stringing you along and getting away with less and less conversation less and less texting and being like yeah maybe we'll see each other in December and it's like June and you're like bro you just got to school like what do you mean like come see me but you know it's tough it's tough but if two people want it'll it'll happen that's my opinion on it really but i've just stopped romanticizing people too Like.

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Or that. And enjoy. Via rail, love the way. I give people an amount of respect off rip. I understand people are not perfect. But I also realize, like, I can't... you the way people act right now is a good is just a representation of who they are in that given moment and you need to see change in order to I think build trust I say this because I'm somebody who promises a lot of

stuff and I deliver like on not a lot of it so I've I've had to really cut back promising things because I know I can't deliver it and I'm very, I get in this hole of like if I stop doing something or if, let's say, let's say I promise like a friend. I'm like, yo, bro, there's this crazy, awesome crumble cookie that's coming out. I'm going to get it for you.

It's a Labuobu chocolate flavor. I'll get it for you. And they're like, yeah, bro, yeah, Zerk. I'm so excited for this crumble cookie. Let's say I don't get it for them. Let's say it drops on Friday and I go on Sunday because I'm like, oh, I forgot about this. I had other things come up. Didn't prioritize it.

And it's sold out. Instead of being like, yo, bro, you know, it's sold out. I'll kind of be like, oh, man, you know, I tried and all this stuff. excuses. Excuses. I was supposed to get the Labubu crumble cookie and I didn't get it. So why did it? I promise it.

If I knew I could not get it. It's the people pleaser side in me. I don't want to say no. Like, in an idealized, romanticized version of myself, yeah, bro, I'm in line for the crumble cookie. But when it comes to the actual Friday where I'm supposed to be in line for it, I sleep in.

Oh, well, I got other things to do. The Thursday night, I'm up late, doing something that I shouldn't be. Because I know I need to wake up early. but instead I'm going to bed at 2 a.m. You know? And in the same vein, like, people will promise things.

They're not going to deliver on it. Unless you see them deliver on it, time and time again, don't count on it. Don't count on it. And I think, like, actions really speak louder than words, and I have realized,

realized how important my actions are. And when I say, I don't want to say that I'm going to do things anymore. I don't want to say, yeah, I'm willing to try to be a better partner. What does that even mean? You're willing to try. So like, yeah, in theory, you might try. What are you talking about? Either you do it or you don't. Simple as that. Either you do it or you don't. And you don't talk about, oh yeah, bro, I'm going to, I'm going to lock in. Oh, yeah. You know what? Yeah, I know I'm talking to this girl and you know you're uncomfortable with me talking to her but you know what i'm not i'm not gonna do it yeah you are yeah you are some of you are like no zirk that's a little too personal break up with her you don't like her everything has this weight in our mind romanticizing people this girl oh my gosh

this girl is the best one for me this guy i love him he's literally perfect he has the old money aesthetic down to a tea. Sleigh. Okay, he doesn't like you, though. Well, but I've gone on a couple dates, and he was super nice, and he paid for my coffee. Yeah, but he doesn't text you. He doesn't text you. And if he liked you, he would text you. He would text

you every day. I'm just telling you, that's what he would do. Yeah, he says he's not a good texter, but that's BS because you see his fantasy football group chat, and it's blowing up every second, and he's responding, oh my gosh, Trayvon Diggs, no way. Don't make people in your mind better than they actually are.

Treat them as human beings. They're flawed. They make mistakes. Don't hold their mistakes against them, but do not demand some kind of unreal perfection and don't hold them to a standard that just is not human. That's my take on it, guys, honestly. And I've had to kind of like remind myself of this because it's something that I still do

and I still romanticize myself a little bit of like, oh man, oh, and I love it. And it's over for everybody. Bro, focus on being a good person, doing the things you say you're going to do, and working hard, and having a coffee, a $20 latte. Okay. Focus on those things. Focus on journaling. Focus on your goals.

You want to learn French. You want to learn Spanish. Those are the two languages I want to learn this next year. Instead of saying it, do it. See, I just said it. I was like, you're going to learn French and Spanish. Okay, what am I going to do for it? I don't have a tutor.

I don't have Doolingo on my phone. So I take that back. I'm not going to learn French or Spanish. Instead, you will see French and Spanish in the Zerky Show. Mic drop. Obama mic drop. I love you guys. I really miss meeting you all.

We're going to make that happen in some kind of way. I don't know how. I don't promise anything, as I've said. But just know I have you in mind. And the Zirky Show means everything to me. Always has and always will. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you

and do the things that bring you joy. Okay, if you don't, I'm going to be very upset. I'm just going to be very sad. Go dogs for the one time. What else can I tell you guys? Man, I am just very thankful. This November, I'm very grateful.

And I'm happy. I'm happy. It's good to be in love, and I feel in love with this show. Other than that, Zirky Show, get a good breakfast burrito. I got one this morning. It banged.

It was so good. I got like a chorizo, black bean, and scrambled egg breakfast burrito. And on top of that, I also had it in a gas station. One of those like gas station, you know,

Mexican restaurants that's like inside the gas station. It was so good. Oh my gosh. I'm going to go back there. Other than that, Zerky Show, just know that I love you so much. And I am sending all of you.

you lots of love and peer ratio peace