the zurkie show - you’d never say that to someone else

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

be nice to yourself.stop trying to be perfect.sending you all love and peaaaaaaaace!

I don't know how to be nice to myself. It's just one of those things that comes as such a challenge. I don't know if you've felt this way in your life, but it seems like you need to be hardened yourself in order to get any kind of admiration, respect, or love. I want to be perfect. I want to not have any mistakes in my life. And that has sent me down a very dark spiral.

Be nice to yourself. this is why. Being nice to yourself is actually taking care of yourself and it's actually looking at things from an objective stance. Sure, you've made a mistake. Maybe you have

forgotten about somebody's birthday. Maybe you have over-promised on a bunch of things. You were supposed to go on this Euro trip with your friends and then you flaked last minute because you didn't have the cash, whatever it is. It's so easy for some reason to beat yourself up for everything you do wrong and I do that on a daily basis It's funny because I used to be better about this. I used to be very nice to myself

And I I didn't almost struggle with the idea of like beating myself up because I was always uplifting myself I was always chasing after my goals and I felt this This appreciation for myself but that that changed and when I got in a relationship. That changed when I started having closer friends and suddenly I had more and more people that were just like looking out for me or they cared about me.

And when I would let them down, it felt like the end of the world. It's weird. When I let somebody down that I don't really know too well, it's kind of like, all right, mistakes happen. I'm more forgiving of myself. But when I inflict any kind of distrust, sadness, just like disappointment,

and the people that love me and the people that I actually want admiration from and I want to feel worthy from, it's just like I have no evidence, I have no reason to be nice to myself. And that's when the spiral starts. I want to be nicer to myself. I know it's not going to be an overnight thing. It's almost like when I am in this mood of I am messing everything up and I'm the worst and I'm just like a failure,

which is so, in some ways I always call it pathetic. But you know what? It's coming from a place of just being hard on myself with something that I needed to do since I was a kid because there was a standard. And I don't know. maybe I learned that beating myself up was something people around me were doing so that's just what I got accustomed to but

in the lowest moments I feel like if your friend was down and they were hurting you would do everything in your power to uplift them to bring them up I don't know why it's so hard to do that to yourself maybe it's a respect thing we respect other people more than we respect ourselves but

if we are so open to being nice to new people and being nice to the people that matter in our life, why is it so hard to be nice to yourself? I still don't get it. I'm so quick to sabotage myself. It's another thing I've noticed. I'm so quick to throw myself under the bus, especially when that pertains other people to. For example, let's say I've had a really unproductive day. and even though I know and I say to everyone around me and to you guys that you don't need to be productive every single day to be worthy and just to be alive as a human being. But for some reason, I think the rules don't apply to me. So then I go out of my way to cancel plans I have with other people.

I go out of my way to be like I didn't deserve doing X, Y, and Z. I don't deserve to go on a walk. I need to work harder. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play Ojo.

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And that does nothing for me. In a similar sense, you know, let's say I have been overthinking things in a relationship with a friend or with a partner. I feel guilty about having these thoughts. I feel guilty that I'm struggling. And so I create space between me and this person. I villainize the other person and I villainize myself and I make it seem like, well, nobody cares about me. nobody appreciates me. And it's just this,

this buildup of, of assumptions and lies that fit the perspective and fit the opinion that I don't deserve to be nice to myself and I'm unlovable. It's, it's been a process. I'm not sure if I've learned to love myself completely. I think that I love the things that are good about me a lot more. than I did. I used to despise everything that was a good characteristic of mine because I felt like it wasn't good enough. And when I accepted the fact that like I have what I have and it is what it is and you have what you have, it was easier to be nice to myself, right? It was easy to be just accepting

of who I was at a given period of time. Now, I still really don't like the bad qualities that are a part of me. The bad qualities that hurt people and that quite frankly make me human. For example, bro, I am a tweak. I tweak about everything. I just hate not having control. Certain things I can let go of. Like, I don't have a plan right now.

I'm in Europe. Like, I'm just kind of chilling. And that's great, you know. But there are certain, the things that I care about and the things that matter to me, I'm very controlling over them. And it affects, like, relationships that I'm in. It affects people I'm around. It affects everything.

And I've had to learn to, like, let go a lot. A lot. I can't control all of it. It just, you can't control all of it. Letting go of the perspectives of other people that basically I lived my life for it was a huge step for me. And I think the next step is just letting. go of trying to change people and trying to hold your perspective of other people to a certain standard.

It's not fair. If they're not going to put that perspective on you, you don't just, you have no entitlement, or you shouldn't feel entitled to a certain way that they're going to live their life or a certain perspective on them. I think also that being nice to yourself is, is like, you know, you know, you know, that. it's tested when you least expect it. I am so good at preaching and saying, hey, you should do this, you should do that. But when I feel like my world is collapsing, after I find out that I booked my flight on the wrong day and I have no refund and I lost a bunch of money, dude, it's a crash out.

It's a crash out. And then it's a spiral. and it's just going down the drain. And I don't know if maybe someone needs to hear this, but like maybe you're in the middle of a crash out right now, you feel really upset. You feel really angry. And the hardest thing to do is to admit that like it's really not that bad, right?

People are trying to give you that perspective, but it's almost like you want to be mad. It's almost like you want to be upset. and holding yourself in this prison of anger and of discomfort and hatred towards yourself, it's comfortable. It's really comfortable. What helps me be a little bit nicer to myself, like when I have these really dark moments where I like second guess my entire reality and the person that I am is honestly,

food making sure I've eaten because when you're angry and you're hungry oh my goodness it's not a good combo food sleep making sure that I have slept because oftentimes that's a huge reason that I'm crashing out and I'm frustrated and I'm just like angry at all the little things that usually I'm like who cares you know and am I am I in an environment that is good for me right now like am I around too many people? Do I need my own space? Am I around not enough people? I have to get out there and get out of my head.

Those three things are usually the ingredients in the pressure cooker that is just being mean to yourself and getting into a pit where you start to snap at other people. And these are things that like, don't have an overnight fix. I'm very aware of the fact that I will have to fight with a lot of my bad habits till the end of my days on this planet. But I know I can get better at them and you can get better at them. And I would hate one day to be in a position where I let my anger destroy something good. And I think that recently I have been doing just that.

maybe that's me being i think that's me being hard of myself but like nobody's going to want to have a relationship let alone like a friendship with you if you don't treat yourself well you can be as kind as you want but it will always rub off people who are who are not nice to themselves right they they usually channel that in other ways towards other people I've seen it firsthand. Maybe it's not a daily thing, but it's just, it's a subtle undertone that rules your entire life. And it's just like a low frequency of living. And I think that there are so many better uses of your energy.

There's so many better ways of making sure that, like, you feel seen, you feel loved and that you're doing all right. usually we crash out over things that really in the grand scheme of things are very minuscule they're very minuscule what are the ways that you could be nice to yourself what are the ways you could actually improve a relationship with the person that you are right now

not the person that you want to be not the perfect version of you that doesn't exist that doesn't exist and it never will exist you will never be perfect Spoiler alert, sorry for spoiling life for you, you will never be perfect and you'll always be working towards things and you'll always be messing up. Even when you think you have everything figured out. Nope. Nope, you don't. And that's good. That's a good thing. You should expect that. Your one constant in life is that things are going to change and that you're not going to know things. You're just going to have to learn.

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Let's say you have been upset at yourself. Let's say you have been sabotaging the relationships in your life and you have been making your partner into the problem, even though most of it is your fault. I'll say that again. Rewind. Let's say you have been making your partner the problem when in reality most of these things are your fault. Where can you just be a little bit nicer? Where can you say, okay, yes. This wasn't cool of me.

Okay, yes. I'm messing this up. Okay, yes. I shouldn't have done this. I've made this mistake. But that doesn't define me and like it's just a bad moment. I'm going to apologize. I'm going to say sorry.

But I'm going to make sure that I get my rest. I've been really, really overworked. I'm going to make sure that I take a break. I've been really stressed out about the state of my relationship. instead of assuming that it's over and everything's cooked, I'm going to talk to them. Those are constructive ways of being nice to yourself. Because the other option, I live the other option. It's thinking that the world is against you.

It's thinking that everyone is trying to bring you down all the time. That's not a way to live life because the truth is it's not the case. Like most people don't care. They don't care. but the people that are the closest in your life, like they really care about you and they don't want to see you like this. Our mind sometimes can be so disrespectful.

It can create such a ridiculous narrative and it can make us feel that like we're worthless and we're not doing anything correct. And it's like, you woke up today. I know that's like a small thing, but bro, some people don't do that. Some people don't do that.

that. At least that's something small you can be grateful for. Bro, that's so dumb. That's so dumb. Okay. You're watching this video today. I think that's a form of being nice to yourself. Not anything that you could have watched. You chose to stick around for this. That's good. That's good. You're getting a different perspective. You're working your brain muscles a little bit. I'm proud of you for that. You might not look at it that way. You might be, oh, well, just whatever.

But the more that you whatever, things the less you're actually going to have for yourself, the less you're actually going to feel like you do something worthy. And maybe your starting point is just accepting that you have good things that are really unique and they're really special about you. That's already a huge step. Some people can't even do that. Some people go their whole lives without being able to do that. So let's acknowledge it's a huge step. You got things that you like about yourself. Great. How do you double down on that? How do you do more of the things that you like?

How do you show more of your personality, of your facial features, of the things that you enjoy about who you are, your style, your personality to the world? How do you champion that? So instead of your default being, wow, I'm so pathetic, I'm such a loser, it's, I'm happy that I went out with this T-shirt and I'm wearing my favorite band on my sleeve and I'm telling people about how much I love the show that I'm watching or how much I'm proud of the coming. country I'm from. Be nice to yourself.

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And the more that you disrespect it and the more that you traumatize it, I mean, the deeper of a hole you build for yourself. Sure, it might be soothing in the moment. Sure, it might feel good that, you know, you are hurting yourself. It does feel good, but it's a short-term dopamine hit. It's easy to just, like, wail at yourself and be like,

I'm terrible. I'm worthless, I'm terrible. I do everything wrong. It's harder to sit down and be like, okay, I've made a mistake. How do I take accountability for it? How do I give myself the space that I need to actually figure out how I feel about this disagreement I have with my partner, this disagreement I have with my best friend, this thing that's happening at my workplace at my university?

Like, how do I deal with this? Because if you're going to work against yourself, if you're all, always just going to be at war with yourself, I don't know. Things are probably not going to change. And if you're looking to change Zerky Show, I think a big way of doing that is just acknowledging that you can be nice to yourself. It's a hard thing to do, but usually the things that are the hardest in life, they're the best for us. They teach us something. They give us purpose. And being nice to yourself is just a small thing that could really change the way that you look at your life because it first starts with you. It starts with the relationship that you have with

yourself and then it cascades at dominoes to the rest to everything that you do on this earth. So next time you want to wail at yourself, next time you feel like, man, I was supposed to do this. I'm supposed to be this kind of person and I'm falling short on everything. Look at it analytically. What are you actually doing? Are you being fair to yourself? I don't think you are. You're probably doing a lot of things right.

It's just hard. It's just hard to admit that you've made a mistake. And it's hard to give yourself credit for the stuff that you've done well because you're accustomed to just looking at everything you do wrong. Support your friends. Tell them they're doing a good job when they're doing a good job. And when they disagree with you, double down and show them and explain to them why the, you know, the thing that they designed in Photoshop is fire.

The thing that they designed and printed on a T-shirt is fire. Why you think that their rough draft or their new song is actually pretty decent and it has some potential. Take the time to uplift other people. You have no idea what people are going through. And I am so thankful that I have friends and not only a partner who will always uplift me when I'm at my worst. everyone deserves that but at the baseline you know what Zirki show

you deserve to be nice to yourself today's episode of the Zerky Show was filmed in the Plovica National Park in Croatia it is beautiful you talk about blue water infinite source of blue water

if you're ever in Croatia please come to Plihita Lakes did you know that the Zirky Show is everywhere you go that is correct you can watch it you can scroll it you can stream it The choice is yours. It's the Zirky Show everywhere we go all over the globe. Do the things that bring you joy.

Sit in the rain. Think to yourself. Have a moment. And sleep on it. Most things that you are upset about, most things that are really irritating you, they deserve some sleep, and you deserve some rest to really think them through.

If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you Zirky Show. And as always, I am sending you lots of love and peace. It is raining like crazy, bro. Look at how beautiful this place is, man. Oh, whoops. All right.

Peace.