the zurkie show - your ex isn’t the problem, you are

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

let's leave them in the past while working for a better future.make your revenge through being a better person, not a bigger hater.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaace!hat from https://www.instagram.com/hills.vancouver?igsh=MW56NGpwcjFscmc1Mg==⁠https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

Maybe it's time to realize you'll never get closure. And that that person, they won't, they will never understand that they did something wrong. They just won't. It's not in their scope of reality. Maybe they're a little narcissistic. Maybe they just, they don't, they don't think your perspective is, is worthy. And in that case, maybe it's, it's time to let go of that. There's a saying, I don't think, gets enough credit in our day and age.

And it goes a little something like this. Well, you only miss the light when it's burning low. Only miss the sun when it stars to snow. Only know you love her when you let her go. Bangor! Why have we not acknowledged that that is one of the best songs of all time? And also sayings. Because you only know you love somebody until you let them go.

That's like some real talk. no facts no printer and um it's also something i think that i've struggled with in my life quite quite heavily because i did not want to let them go i wanted them to be a part of me forever i i liked i liked suffering i liked knowing that i was hurt and knowing that they had hurt me and i had someone to put my blame on for the way that i was that i was hurt and i had someone to put my blame on for the way I was mistreating myself. I knew that letting somebody go meant I had to own up to certain things.

I had to acknowledge that I was not right and that I was goofy and the way in which I was approaching well, who I was picking out of the orchard, the apple I was picking out of the orchard, right? I've talked about that, having a bad apple once in a while, you know, it'll sour the taste of the rest of them

if you're not careful. But maybe right now you are in a position where you're done. No more. No more. I don't want to think about them or think about him or her. I just want to be a piece. That's how you know it's time to let go. But this is not easy.

You think that things in life will be as if you are playing peaceful mode on Minecraft. That is not life. Life is hard. It is long. And it makes you wonder how you are going to get through the little things, especially when everything piles up all at once, because that is always what happens. You think, oh, I mean, today was pretty chill. I went to noodles and company, and I hung out with some friends.

And then the next two days, it's like you are literally experiencing every emotion of grief. everything is happening all at once, and you have a project that you have due at 1159, because you're still at school and you have to finish all of it as you're going through emotional turmoil, is just a lot, isn't it? All right, so let's calm it down, and let's look at this, and let's really ask ourselves, okay, how do we know when it's time to let go? Right? How do we feel as if we're at our end in our grieving process?

because you need to miss somebody. You need to feel as if, you know, you two had something and you have to sometimes grieve in a really, really uncomfortable and kind of sad way that you lost something that you put a lot of time and effort and love into. You can't just expect not to do that. That's what comes with the risk of a relationship. and I have found that any time I've had to go through those kind of emotions and, you know, pick them apart,

I have built myself into a better version of who I am every time. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Joe. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements. Instant payouts and no minimum withdraws.

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And enjoy. Via Rail. Love the Way. hurts and it's painful because in order to let somebody go sometimes you have to realize that they were they were never someone who wanted you in the first place and that's really difficult when you already feel like there's not a lot of people that want you in the first place and this felt special and this felt like this person really had highlighted some of the features that you didn't see in yourself, some of the characteristics that you were so hard on yourself for, they loved that about

you. And all of a sudden, it's gone because there's a new person, because they've fallen out of love with you, or they just, they never, they never liked you. They liked what you gave them. They liked the attention. They liked the fact that they didn't feel alone with you, but they didn't. You were not their priority. It wasn't the real. It wasn't the real. reason that they were around you all the time you were just you were just there how how do you let go of something like that because that's not that's not just oh we had a relationship it was healthy and you know we're going our separate ways that's that's realizing that your your worth was never respected well chills because the true answer is you have to

You have to still, in my opinion, give them grace. Even when you don't want to, even when everything is telling you that this person was so bad to you, maybe they caused some internal conflict with who you are. They made you question like everything about your life, everything about you as a person, as a partner, as a human being. Every time I've built resentment in the process of trying to get over someone, it's always, made it harder to let them go. On the contrary, every time I've given them grace, and I, you know, I saw it from their perspective.

I tried to at least, or I said, you know what, you're not perfect. You hurt me. Maybe you don't even know you hurt me. But it's cool. It's cool because it's time to let go. It's time to let go. And if I continue to harbor these emotions, you know, on you,

and on us, then I will not be able to live my present life the way that I want to with potentially somebody that I love. And there's this, you know, saying that if you love them, let them go, right? On some passenger, which again, banger. But if you love yourself, you have to let them go. I think we like to wear our old relationships on our sleeves as, you know, this thing happened to me. And, you know, this is why I have trust issues.

I have these quirks about me and, you know, hey, I'm not somebody to denounce, you know, relationship turmoil because that's very real. And we go through a lot of messed up relationships when we're young. I think that's the course of just figuring out what you like and what you don't like. Maybe sometimes you don't, but for a lot of us, that's the case, right? But I, I don't think that harboring this kind of hatred towards another person helps you. I'm not saying you got to be their best friend. You know, you can have some like, hey, that was messed up. You know what?

I don't like that they did that. That was really messed up. And hey, maybe one day they'll learn their lesson. But having this kind of just like hatred for your ex or for someone that did this to you, what does that serve you? What does that do for you? What? It gives you a common enemy to go out and then continue to, you know, inflict harm on yourself?

because you're trying to rebound because you're trying to find ways to show them that you're oh that I'm worthy how does how does that help you because every time I've tried to do that it's always backfires and it feels it feels like a performance for them still when I know it's time to let go but maybe it's not time to let go maybe it's time to get closure it's time to have that last conversation and address that situation that was weird between both of you because they said something that you were like, why did, why would you even say this? Or they did something behind your back that made you question your worth as a person, right? Or maybe it's time to realize you'll never get closure. And that that person, they won't, they will never understand that they

did something wrong. They just won't. It's not in their scope of reality. Maybe they're a little narcissistic. Maybe they just, they don't, they don't think your perspective is, is worthy. And in that case, maybe it's, it's time to let go of that, of that dream that I will get closure and that they will, they will realize they did something bad to me. I'd like to be optimistic, but I don't think they, they will. And that's okay. But if you chain yourself to this idea that everything is is a result of the X of the toxic X I think you're you're letting yourself fall into a really deep hole where you're going to let yourself down because what if that relationship was actually your chance to turn things around it was actually a moment to catch yourself and become the person you've always you've always wanted to be or find the partner that you've always wanted to find What if this moment of turmoil is actually one that's going to change the trajectory of your life in such a positive way, and it's going to make you realize that you cannot seek validation for yourself and other people?

Because too many times we find our enemy and the person that we date, we find our enemy, and even the $60 Chili's date, right? And I can laugh about that now. And we can, and you can laugh about, you know, bad relationship experiences and, you know, people who are just like not good for you. And that's, that's completely normal. That's a way of processing things. Like, you should not deprive yourself of that. But this anger that people hold on to, um, towards people, sometimes it's just a lot. It's just a lot.

And it's delaying the chance to just let go and let yourself live. Now, okay. Is it nice, you know, to be pissed? And is it fun to like vent and spill tea? Of course. Come on. Are you kidding me? That is like one of the best things.

All right. After you get out of something, you know, just dropping all the nukes. You know what I'm saying? Like, nuke town, you know? It's like, this happened, this happened, this happened. Warning. Tactical nuke incoming. Tactical nuke incoming.

You know, it's awesome. But it's only awesome for so long. And then it's like you realize, damn, this person is really. living in my head rent free and like I can't do anything about it and I feel so entrapped to like the way that they perceived me to the point where I am like doing things to try to like earn their emotions back when they don't matter anymore they don't matter they don't because you're no longer together it doesn't matter goodbye now it's you and it's always been you and when you're with somebody, yes, you have to take in consideration in other person's emotions,

but now it's just you. And that's scary, but it's also freedom. Because you do not have to act anymore in a way that feels like you have a magnifying glass on you the whole time. You don't have to act in a way that is, you know, predicated on what will they think about this. You don't have to, and you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. you should be acting the way that you are and somebody should be accepting the way that you are for who you are and guess what we're all flawed every single one of us i wish we weren't man if

i was perfect oh it'd be over for the world no i mean bro i just think we need to do a better job of of letting go of letting go man of feeling as if you know that the past is the past and it doesn't does not define who we are going to be if we let it, right? There are things in my past I'm very proud of. I'm very proud of myself going to a new state for college, challenging myself with a new set of people and learning how to be more confident and champion who I am. I'm so proud of myself for that, but I'm also, you know,

there are things I did in the past. that I'm not I'm not proud of it I'm not proud of the way I treated myself and my my body and how I just like lost the belief in myself because I was so focused on the acceptance of others and also the acceptance of you know someone close to me that that that just it made me believe things that they said about me and you know every negative thing was was amplified. And in hindsight, I think I didn't understand that I needed to find how I am. I needed to define the characteristics that I love in myself.

I need to nurture those parts of me. Because that's what's going to be the pillar of a relationship is the strengths of me as a person. And you can look, you know, at a bad relationship and a bad time as, something to be upset at and something to be angry at and I think that that's absolutely valid right you know I should have known better

you know I should have known that that person really they were not they were not good you know but also I think you should respect the fact that you had to do all that in order to understand your worth

and maybe you're just you're understanding it now you haven't even, you know, fully built it yet. But you're at a point where you're like, yo, I need to like focus on how I feel about me because this just keeps running me into the ground every time I experience it, right? That's a good thing. That's a beautiful realization.

Let's focus on that. Why should we be focusing on the hatred? That kind of self-realization is going to nurture you way more than any kind of hatred. There's a lot of resentment in this life, and you will notice that as you begin to change and as you have people who don't decide to change and sometimes it will be time to let go of friends and who knows maybe family because with with everyone you know you grow up with you go to college with you know you work with there are always preconceived

notions and maybe the person that you introduced to them at that time was not the person you wanted to be and you didn't know that yet you had to go through a lot of things to figure that out but now you're in a place where you feel indebted to that old version of yourself you feel like that is the only way they see you and you you feel claustrophobic you feel like like this this view is being pushed on me and I am not that and maybe that's that's a sign that you got to let go of that too because I felt resentment towards friends who boxed me in like, you know, oh, that's Zirky from high school, right? That's how he was in high school, so he's going to be now.

And it always felt like they were downplaying the amount of maturing I had to do on my own and the experiences that I lived. And every time I would come back home, I would be like, I hate this because it feels like everyone stopped in time and I'm the only one that moved forward. But in reality, what was happening is I don't think I was seeing them where they were, too. maybe I was projecting an idealized version of who I wanted them to be as well, right? Or maybe I was thinking that they were going to be the same way that they were in high school or that our relationship was going to be the same.

But the truth is it always changes. It always does. And it's not going to be a static, you know, thing. You know, you will have days in your friendships and relationships where things are really, really great and you guys feel on the same page. And there's also days where you just won't talk for all. while and you'll get back into talking and you'll be like why don't we do this all the time it's because you know people go through phases we go through cycles we can be consistent and that's a good thing

and we can have some things you know like processes right or systems to help us do that but sometimes it's just life life does life things and it derails us and oftentimes for a good reason it's oftentimes because we were doing something beforehand and we got smacked in the face because of all the small paper cuts. All of a sudden we have a wound that's bleeding. We didn't even notice it until it happens. A lot of people have bad health habits. Me sleeping, bad health habits. Go to sleep super late. Wake up super late. I do not like it. And I know. And I see it now. I'm feeling the effects of it. I'm feeling the thousand paper cuts and I have a choice. I have a choice. I can either continue to yap about it, which is what I've been doing for the past couple of months,

or I can make a change. And I'd rather make a change. I'd rather at least make a change and see where it goes. But it's difficult because I don't want to let go of going to sleep late. I like it, especially if you got a phone call with somebody, you know what I'm saying? A. Ben, that's That is a Ben. Yes, of course. I'll stay up with you till 4 a.m. of course. You know what I'm saying? What up, Shoddy?

You know, it's kind of hard to say no. But it's also, it's time to let go. So maybe I have to start saying no more often, and I have to just set a better boundary of what I need. It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet, from rolling countryside to cobblestone. streets begin your next chapter book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent westjet where your story takes off it's a hard thing to grasp it's a hard thing that to tussle with because

the people pleaser and you might not be agreeing with that it might be like no bro spend this time and that's hey there's a balance maybe you do spend that time once in a while but maybe it doesn't have to be every time you get me letting go is difficult too because it requires a level of humility it requires a

level of starting over it is like when you build a base on a beautiful biome plane like that classic OG Minecraft biome with the OG

trees the OG plane, it's beautiful. You build a base. You make sure that it has the right color wood, the right wooden door. You walk outside because you want to go mining. There's a ravine nearby, and a creeper comes and goes,

and your base is gone. You can do two things. There's a part of you that can respawn. But oftentimes, what do we do, right? We quit the game, and we close our computer. respawning takes humility because you have to go back to the wound and you have to go back to that blown up base and collect everything that was destroyed everything that flew out of the

chests and everything that you know you have to reorganize again it's not fun that sucks right but sometimes when you rebuild that base you realize wait a minute i can like make this base even bigger and i can add you know a second floor to it and i can also add some or like a, you know, a cat so I don't have creepers coming in and blowing my stuff up. And maybe the base that you build next is even nicer than what it was before. It's because you knew it was time to let go and you had to start over. You had to start over and you had to be like, okay, yeah, this sucks. Like, I don't like this.

Nobody likes to start over. Everyone likes comfort. I like comfort. But starting over, it alleviates a lot of, a lot of this anxiety. that you get when you're right on the cusp of letting go. Because you don't, you can't fully grasp that it's gone, whatever it is, right?

Whether that is a relationship, whether that is like a family member who has passed away, rest in peace, right? Or whether that is an opportunity that you fumbled, you know, famously, I've fumbled a lot. I have.

And starting over at the very least allows you to do something about it. Because moping and feeling like you have no way forward in that current situation it doesn't do anything because that will continue to be the case it will also continue to you know

be that way whereas starting over and meeting yourself where you're at and being like okay yeah you know I didn't do very well on this exam I didn't do very well on picking a good roommate for college and now he keeps eating the food that I bring from the dining hall, which is like, why? You have your own food.

Starting over and taking accountability for a change. That's the ultimate, like, bro, that's revenge. That is revenge in a way. And the beauty about that is it's not, it's, it is not revenge in the way that you think it is. It is doing something for yourself, which is the best kind of revenge. because the other one is dirty. It's dirty. You feel dirty afterwards. It feels good for the second that you do it, but a better one is knowing why you changed and forgetting, like that person, they improved your life. They were trying to do maybe something that was going to push your life

in another direction, or maybe they were doing something, you know, and things don't always work out. You know, sometimes there is no malintent in what they did, but if you feel deep down that was, then what would they want you to do? They would want you to be in the hole. They would want you to feel bad. They would want you to just stay down. And how sweet does it sound to take that kind of experience and that kind of moment where you were just at your most vulnerable and at your lowest and flip it into something

that you will remember as the catalyst for being a beautiful and able and competent, independent person? RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and counting. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got. Sign up for free at rbc trainingground.ca. The ride that steals the spotlight every time it hits the road, that's the Volkswagen TIG one. Its sleek exterior makes a first impression you can't ignore.

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We always have to start from ground zero over and over to build more parts of ourselves. We do. Sometimes we fill up one bucket within ourself. and we're like, okay, we're good on this part. We're good on, you know, building a strong foundation with our eating habits. We're good on building a strong routine with our, you know, our mental health. We're good on this part of us that, you know, felt insecure about who we were, but now we're there. And guess what? Now we have to start over on the relationship aspect, but good. We're going to be able to rebuild this in a conscious way.

Because the other option is just being in something toxic and continuing to be in this spiral of like, oh, you know, things suck and I suck and everything sucks. And the choice is yours. It's always been yours. You might not feel that way. Okay. It's time to let go of that. It's time to let go of that feeling. You have to reclaim it. You have to reclaim your life. You do because nobody, nobody is going to willingly craft it. you, they might try to claim it for you. And they might try to steer you in a certain direction. That is why it is so important that you realize these things and that you actually,

consciously are like, okay, I'm doing this work for myself. I am realizing the patterns and the people I pick and the people I date and the people that I, you know, attract so that I do not do more of them. it and whatever I need to change so that it doesn't happen again, I take it seriously. Because how many times have you given advice to that one friend that always seems to have a problem in their relationship and they just, of course, just keep doing it over and over and over and over again? At some point, you've got to ask yourself, is it worth it anymore? And that's what I had to do. I had to do it. It was uncomfortable. It was weird. And I, and I, I,

You know, went through college, kind of having a lackluster run. And I was like, dude, it's time to let go with that. I want to be happy. And what that means right now is not being with somebody. That's what it means. It means figuring out what I want to do with myself. Because when I figure that out, okay, that's good. Maybe we can entertain some other things.

Maybe we can go back to Chili's. And this time I know I'm not going to spend 60. Maybe the person that I'm with, they're going to be worth, 120, which is egregious. That's crazy. That is crazy. But hey, the right person will make you do interesting things. And you'll have no regrets. At least in the moment, I don't know, maybe in the future you will. Maybe it's not meant to happen. But these are the things you can't. You got to just kind of go through them, eh? Well, you only need a light when it's burning low. Only miss the sun when it starts to snow. Only know you love her when you let it go. So you let it

it go oh oh oh oh zirky show so you let it go go go ho go oh it's time to let her go go dang if i had auto tune loki i'd be cooking on that it's time to let her go zirky show a huge shout out to the zirky show fam especially josh hill who sent me this hat check this out this is a hill's hat this is his brand he designed it dude you cooked on this little corduroy action i've loved wearing Show the homie some love. We're out in the hills together, catching a vibe. Did you know you can get the Zerky Show everywhere you go? Well, I didn't know that.

Well, guess what? Now you do. You can watch it, you can scroll, you can stream it, so if you want to tap in, tap in. Who's calling my phone? The Zirky Show is calling your phone. We are looking for people to send some questions for the chance to be featured on the new Zirky Show show, which is Mail Time with Zirki. So if you want to tap in and you want to send me a question, this is a way for a chance.

to get featured. This is how you address it. I cannot wait to see what your beautiful mind comes up with. Tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Try something new. Maybe that means instead of getting that coffee you get every day, try matcha. Slow down. Enjoy the things in life, okay? There are so many of them to see. Beautiful nature is just one of them. You ever been to a Costco parking lot? That is a sign of beauty because that means you are one door away from tapping in to a chicken bake, which is goat level food. Other than that, I want you to know I trust you. I believe in you. And Zerki Show, I am sending you lots of love and peace.