the zurkie show - you’re carrying problems that aren’t yours

Episode Date: January 10, 2026

if you can't control their outcome,your partner, your friend, your family...let it go.you'll be happy you did.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

I may not seem like it, but I'm a chronic warrior. I worry a lot. And usually it's about people. It's not even about myself because I feel like I have control over my actions, but other people I don't. And I wish that I knew. Part of me wants to believe that it is in the intentionality of the best for other people. I want the best genuinely for somebody.

But I also acknowledge that if I truly want the best for someone, I have to let them make their own mistakes. And I'm sometimes so against that because in my mind, I think I'm failing them if they end up making a mistake. And I think it's partially an accountability thing. But it's a weird relationship I've developed with accountability. Do you feel this way that all you tend to do is worry about the people around you, your family, your parents, your significant other? And you find yourself being controlling, not in a way of, I need them to do this because I don't trust anything. buddy. But maybe it is that. Maybe you do secretly not trust your friends, right? You don't,

you think it's like Young Metro, you don't trust them. You just think that they don't know what's best for them. I think it's actually doing more harm than good. And I think what's happening is you are acting in a way that in your mind that you think is good. But life is about making your own mistakes in order to learn the advice and the hard lessons that we already know. Most of us grow up with hearing, right? But we need to touch the stove with our hand to know that it is hot sometimes. And although people will tell us we have to make that bad decision ourselves. And I think that the difference and the thing I've noticed in my own life is sometimes

I took people's advice way too literally to the point where I cocooned myself and I didn't allow myself to make mistakes. And when I see other people making mistakes instead of being like, hey, that's a part of the game. I think how foolish. I remember my grandfather, he always talked about how a wise man will always learn things from other people's mistakes. But honestly, I think that it's about being able to relate to these mistakes. If somebody hasn't gotten hurt when they cliff jump, right? And you tell them, dude, don't jump off the cliff. You might get hurt. They're probably not going to believe you until they have some kind of experience where they're like, yeah, I really cannot be jumping off cliffs like that. And it's one of those human things that I

think the more you worry about somebody and something that is out of your control, the larger of an impact it will have on your day to day to a point where you're not going to be, able to focus on your own life because you will be so worried about somebody else's. But what if somebody else's life affects you directly? What if the fact that your boyfriend told you he was going to get a job, told you he was going to get his stuff together, and he kind of doesn't do it? What? You're telling me, Zirk, I'm not supposed to worry about that?

No, I'm his girlfriend. I am pissed off about that. Valid point. And what if that fear that you have in the back of your mind, that this person, even though they're telling you, I'm going to change, bro, trust. Like, it's just, I'm just, I'm figuring it out. They're not going to.

They're figuring it out is telling you they're going to figure it out. This episode is brought to you by FedEx. These days, the power move isn't having a big metallic credit card to drop on the check at a corporate lunch. The real power move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence. and accessing one of the biggest data networks powered by one of the biggest delivery networks. Level up your business with FedEx, the new power move.

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You control how much time you give people. You control how much leeway you give them, and you also control your expectations of people. And honestly, I'm going to be really real in relationships, expectations. They might shift. They might change a lot. you know why because people change a lot you are not the same person you were a year ago i can put money on that you are not the same person right now as you were five years ago and thinking into the future you're not going to be the same person you will go through different kinds of weird

moments where you will go on dates and be disappointed and you will feel like there is nothing to your life and then you will get purpose and you will find something and it will rile you up only for you to realize there's more problems within pursuing something. Problems are just a constant human thing. And they're a beautiful thing because you get to learn from them. But again, again, again, worrying does you know good. It ruins things. I have been somebody that has worried so much about relationships that I beat them down to a pulp.

I don't see them through. And instead, I think this is just cooked, this is done, and there is no point in having fun. It's over. When in reality, again, things take time. And people change. And just because you're in a rough point right now doesn't mean I'll stay a rough point. And you can't really control that. You can do everything that you can do to make things better.

And if somebody's not going to reciprocate, all right, that is what it is. Keep it moving. you might have something you think is perfect, an opportunity. You might be at a school that is so awesome, but you can't afford it and you have to leave. It's tough, I get it. But the more that you worry, oh my goodness, I'm missing out on something spectacular, the less time you have to salvage and build up whatever you have right now. It's the focus problem, and it's focusing on the things that are just, they're not helping you.

and I am making this because I need this advice right now, if I'm completely honest, I'm worrying about a lot of things, about my future, about the fact that I kind of feel desensitized to my own life, the fact that I kind of don't really know what to do right now. And I'm in a relationship, things are good, I got my friends, sure, but this drive is kind of slowing down. So now for me, I've been worrying about this quite a lot of like, well, I don't know, man. Maybe I'm cooked. Maybe it's over. But it has been putting more stress onto what I'm already feeling, which the truth is, if you're worrying, a lot of it comes from the fact that you don't want to be honest about what's going on. You don't want to be honest about the fact that you do not trust your partner. You don't trust them.

And instead of having the conversation, I don't trust you. I don't know where this is coming from. Well, actually, I do. It's because you did X, Y, and Z. you're having this kind of back and forth of like, well, I don't know if they're going to cheat on me. I don't know if they're going to change. I don't know if they're going to do something. And it's causing you to seesaw back and forth.

You're up one day, you're down another. You're up one day, you're down another. And it's not leveling things out. It's not finding a way to let go of things. It is instead trying to continue to put band-aids over the wound. So you have to be honest. why are you worrying and what is in your control for me i can't control the fact that some things don't excite me as much what i can't control is finding more things that do what i can't control is finding

more people that excite me that i can learn from what i can control is instead of worrying about my relationship, actively being the best partner that I can be and voicing any kind of concerns that I have instead of worrying about where will I live in a couple of months. It's realizing I can control by looking at places that I could move to and checking out new places across the globe and not tying myself down to one thing or one place. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sit. Play.

Post. Taste. View. And enjoy. Via rail. Love the way. When you break it down into these bite-sized kind of chunks of like, all right, these are things that I can control.

You don't have time to worry. You don't have time to be upset and obsessed about things that you don't have control over. And I think that I have had. had a little bit too much free time with that. But then again, even that advice, I'll be honest, those things come back around. You can distract yourself for so long, but maybe there's a deeper root issue going on with your relationship, with your friendship, whatever it is that is causing you to not have trust and is causing you to worry and maybe you're worrying that you're going to get crossed by somebody. That you're thinking, oh my goodness, like people are just, they're out

to get me. You got to let go. You have to let go of yourself a little bit. And you're, you're chaining yourself to expectations and to who you need to be out of this perfectionism struggle. You have to just let bad things that are meant to happen happen. And this whole wanting to get ahead of the curb by worrying about it so that your delusions come true, it does not work. It does not help. Maybe it's better to find out, these things as they happen and to experience the bad as it comes and then be like, okay, what's next? But what a lot of us like to do is we stack that pressure like it's some money.

And we got that, you know, the pushaiste level size brick of cash of worries being like, you know, here you go. No, like it's not going to work. And it will, it will cause you to get to a point where everything feels like it is oppressing you and pressing you down and you can't breathe and you can't just exist in your skin because you are worried about everything all the time and it sucks you will experience beautiful things and you won't be able to really acknowledge how beautiful they are because the whole time you're worried about them going away or it's sucking or it being bad and there's you know it's one thing

to run away from fear and use it as a motivator but it's another thing to use it as this blanket that you can, you know, sit comfortably in, knowing that the world is just terrible and that you are experiencing the worst of people instead of being like, okay, well, what is good right now? What are things that I know I can trust in? What are things I know I can just like bet on? I can bet on myself. Maybe my partner doesn't want to go to the gym all the time. And, you know, me always complaining about how they don't isn't going to actually make them want to go to the gym anymore. Maybe I actually don't. Maybe I actually want to go to the gym anymore. Maybe I have to set the example and do it.

And even if I do that, maybe they won't change. And that's fine. And maybe I don't need to have that expectation of them. And they will just figure out whatever they need to do on their own. Worrying, I think, makes us go into these pits. And it's hard to get out of them. It's hard to acknowledge, okay, you know what? Like when you take yourself out of the pit,

I can't control it. I can't control where, you know, where things are going to happen, how they will. I can't control if I'm going to find out someone's cheating behind me, behind my back. Like I can make all these assumptions, but again, it's not based in fact right now. So build fact and evidence in your life. That's where you build control. You feel like your relationship is kind of, it's on the fritz, right? It's going through some turbulence.

ascend, right? Go above the turbulence a little bit. And you don't ascend right away like that or you're going to stall. You need to do it gradually. You need to find out, okay, what are some things we can do? Is there a date night we can go on? Is there something I can do? I can really try my best to do something to kind of make things going. What is my role in all of this? Because maybe your problems aren't entirely on the other person. Maybe you have something at play here. Just saying? I know for my role. I know for my problems. That's the case. I'm not a saint in all of them, if any of them. When we focus on that, it's more uncomfortable, I agree, but it does bring us some kind of like peace. Okay, you know, things aren't all bad. I don't have the time to worry right now because I'm too worried

about doing good things for myself and doing good things for other people and building some kind of sense of security that I can within myself and within the relationships I have. Want to go electric without sacrificing fun? That's the Volkswagen ID4. All-electric and thoughtfully designed to elevate your modern lifestyle. The Volkswagen ID4 is fun to drive with instant acceleration that makes city streets feel like open roads, plus a refined interior with innovative technology always at your fingertips. The All-Electric ID4, you deserve more fun. Visit VEA, W.ca to learn more.

SUVW, German engineered for all. The more that you will worry, the worse, the ball of worry will get in your mind, and you will begin to delude yourself into a reality that isn't true, into this point of existence where you feel like all of these things you're worrying about have already happened and you will give up. That's how relationships crumble. you begin to worry, you build resentment, you build this idea that they don't care about you, and they don't even know what's going on because they can't read your mind, and it will crumble.

So instead of that, letting it crumble, get crumble with them, okay? Pay for it. Have a little movie night, date night, find something. You have to make this time for the both of you, and if you don't, you're not giving it a fair chance. And maybe you're done with it. Maybe you're done with the friendship. You're done reaching out all the time. You're done being there to just be there. And you want out.

Leave. But it's either you make a decision to give it your all or you're going to keep worrying and eventually it's going to destroy itself. So don't do that. Zerky show there's still a lot that you can salvage. There is still a lot of good in whatever you are going through. You have to find. the things that will build a sense of self within you, that will let you feel like, okay, I can operate, I can figure things out now. But the more that you worry about a problem,

the worse it will get in your mind. That is factos. I'm telling you, rarely have I ever worried about something, and then all of a sudden it's fine. It's fine. No, it's not. It's not fine. It's never fine. So just no. You have a lot more control over this, and I believe in you. Today's episode of The Zirky Show was filmed in beautiful Miami, Florida as you see the skyline right here behind me at Matheson Park, Miami,

wonderful city. I love it. It's a great place to come get some rays of the sunshine, go on a boat, swim around, whatever you like, you can do it here. If you want more of the Zirky Show, it is the Zirky Show everywhere you go all across the globe.

So if you want to tap in, tap in, tap in! And do the things that bring you joy. If it means doing a little, investment in yourself, buying some gear, just ask yourself if you really need it. Okay, I get it. If you're going fishing, maybe you need a new fishing rod, true. But I think you become more creative with the limitations that you have if you allow it to build your creativity. Just saying, if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, I'm sending you all

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