the zurkie show - you’re not bored, you’re avoiding it

Episode Date: January 2, 2026

respect yourself.put yourself first and learn the lesson.have a happy new year.sending you lots love and peaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

Maybe a relationship is going to make me happy. No, it won't. Okay, maybe a hookup. That's what's going to build my confidence back up that I got rejected. No. But won't I feel good? Won't I feel like, man, somebody out there wants me? For a night.

For a few hours. For 15 minutes. For three minutes. And then what? You are going to think. of everyone that told you it wouldn't solve the problem. Because we have to learn on our own. And it is something that I have realized with other people I have to let go of.

I am not you. You are not me. Just because I give you a piece of advice, I tell you, don't do it. No, no, no. Does not mean that you will internalize it because maybe in your mind you're thinking differently. You have a different perspective.

You haven't been hurt in a certain way. There's a stigma around people that make a mistake when you told them something would happen. And I think that when it's somebody's first time, they have to go through it. They have to experience heartbreak. They have to experience realizing that being upset and angry and throwing stuff at the wall doesn't actually make you not angry. It just keeps you the same. But where I think it becomes a problem. is when people know that this does not help their situation, and they do it anyways,

and they do it over and over and over again. That's where you have a problem. Because now you are willingly harming yourself. You are willingly inflicting damage, whether that is emotional, physical, mental pain on yourself. When people around you are talking. trying to tell you that is not the meta. It's not the way. But some of us become addicted to suffering. We become addicted to feeling bad because that's what we think we deserve. So of course, we continue to go down the spiral. We continue to just kind of search for meaningless relationships,

not even just hookups, but friendships that don't matter that maybe make us feel super anxious. and that's what we think makes us feel alive, so we just continue to do it. And I think the minute that you realize, wait a minute, I can make the decision to not engage in bad habits. I can actively be like, I do not want to immediately get with somebody after the first date. I want to actually build some kind of foundation for our relationship

that isn't all flashy, and it's not just like, me trying to keep them however I can. Then you grow. Then all of those lessons that people tried to teach you, all of the advice that people tried to give you, you finally understand. I get it now.

You get it now. You didn't get it then. And also keeping this like, oh my goodness, I made this mistake. I can't believe it. I can't believe how terrible I am does not help you. Does not. Never did.

Never will. I promise you, I'm somebody that loves to do that, and I've had to kick that habit in order to have any kind of growth. And this is on a day-to-day. I know that staying up is bad for me long-term, not even long-term. Short-term, the next day, I feel tired, I feel bad. I need like three coffees in order to feel normal. That's not healthy. And sometimes I still do it.

And that's kind of the thing. In life, sometimes you're stuck with your flaws. oftentimes you just kind of have to deal with it. You're a night owl. You don't want to be. Okay. There are ways you can curb it. You're somebody who gets attached very, very easily when someone has given you some kind of intimacy, some kind of love, being a little flirtatious.

You just latch on because you didn't get it. You didn't get a lot of validation as a kid or you felt like that was a very scarce thing. You can recognize these things and you can change them. It is about reflecting and figuring out where did I go wrong. Why is it so easy for me to keep making these mistakes, bro? Can I do something about it? And the answer is absolutely you can. 100% you can.

You absolutely can do something about it. It's just that the change is going to be difficult. And it's going to be awkward and it's going to be weird. And you might realize from that small decision to start respecting yourself, that your entire world is built on you not valuing yourself enough. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Jo.

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Like in Portal 2. You're cooked. No. No, no, no, no. It's a good discovery. It just sucks. Nobody likes to realize that they've been used. Nobody likes to realize that they were wrong

in the way that they were wrong in the way that they're. we're living in their life. Everyone thinks that they're doing it the right way the first time. Of course. So why is it so difficult to be like, okay, I'm going to go down this path. I'm going to, you know, look at objectively all the things I've done wrong and just kind of try to figure out, all right, like, where can I cut myself a little bit of slack? Where can I learn? All right. I get anxious. I avoid people. I don't want to do that anymore. Where can I learn? I struggle with consistency when I feel the pressure of my friends and I feel like I need to keep up with them and I feel like oh if I don't go to this hangout they're going to think I'm a loser or I feel like I am not

valued by them it is it's difficult because it makes you question not only like your entire past but your entire future because for a lot of us we have this kind of like whimsical idea of how we're going to live our lives and who we're going to fall in love with and how things are going to work out in our favor. And when the when the domino starts to fall over, when we start to kind of erode because we go through life and things happen to us that aren't our fault, but we have to deal with, the whimsy is slowly squeezed out of us. Pause, resume. And we have to learn to fall in love with the journey again. We have to learn to fall in love. with getting to know somebody for the first time again after we get dumped we have to learn to fall in

love with going back to the gym after we haven't been consistent for two years because we were making excuses for ourselves we have to fall in love with making friends again as adults because the ones that we had in the past they got their girlfriend their boyfriend they got married they're no longer talking to you it is about the process There is no solution, like entire, like, this is exactly what you need to do, that will solve your life's problems overnight. It is more of a mindset and a process that you apply to when hard things happen. When difficult situations arise and you're like, uh-oh, that's what it's about. But again, that's a difficult thing.

For me, I just didn't want to get hurt anymore. I was done with it. All the time. I was just on the receiving end of pain, of guilt, of shame. And I was just like, this is ridiculous. I don't want to keep having meaningless relationships. I don't want to keep looking at myself as like someone who's just like a loser and that is like gained all this weight and can't do anything right because I didn't, I don't

know, capitalize on an opportunity in the past. That's the past. I'll never get that back. but what I can do is ensure that my future is set up good and that I don't make the same mistake. And it's weird because you will be tested by this. You will have moments where you make the same mistake where you think that you will never date a certain archetype of person

and then they show up in a different font. I will never be with somebody that manipulates me ever again. And then you're getting played with like a marionette over here. There is not one single solution. and a lot of the advice that you hear from your parents on here from me you will not understand it until you go through it and it's good to have these things as reference points and i never want you to feel like man i can't believe i'm such a loser and i didn't listen to what somebody told me sometimes you have to learn now again there are some things though that have a heavy

to pay, right? There are some actions, some decisions that if you make, they might have a huge lasting effect on the rest of your life. And that is where you need to just be careful and act within your values. But that does not mean that even if you do that, things won't, excuse my French, go to shit they might and i think it's about realizing that that's okay it's okay if if things go bad it's okay if you know you're trying this relationship they end up just thinking it's casual and again you've repeated a mistake but maybe this time you caught onto it quicker that's

progress maybe this time you were straight up and you're like hey i want a relationship with you. I don't want to just be casual. I don't want to just be seeing each other because it's convenient and you live 15 minutes away from me. I want to build something with you. Or maybe this time you were able to pinpoint it. Like maybe now you understood that you were kind of being pushed to the side and played with a little bit. And in the past, you were like a deer in headlights just like, what? I thought they really liked me. No. And it's hard, man. And it's hard. I struggle sometimes with taking my own advice. You know, I talk about being direct and talking to people up front.

For me, it's difficult. It's not easy. It never will be easy. But you get used to it. It gets a little simpler. It makes it less daunting. And I think that also circumstances change. It's all depending on your situation.

You might have a situation where, honestly, avoiding somebody is the best meta. because if you were to confront them, they would get very angry. They would not listen to you. And they are just overly narcissistic to change. Maybe it's realizing that although somebody is saying the right things to keep you on the leash, they will never change. They will never act in a way to make something different in their life appear. they will never do anything to feel better about their situation. They will tell you as many times as you want.

They will give you the reassurance. It's going to be okay. Listen, I know that I've been slacking. I know I cheated on you. I know I did all these things. But trust me, I will be better. I will be good. I will do my best.

I'm willing to try. I'm willing to try. Of course you are. Are you willing to give them another chance? Because them being willing to try doesn't mean they're going to. It rarely does. And again, the obsession of waiting, of being like, it'll come. I'm waiting for the train.

I can hear it. I can only hear it. I don't see it. I mean, it might be coming. It might be not, but how long will I have to wait? And again, it's difficult because patience is also important. You know, why throw away a good thing when you could improve on it? You could work through it.

and you could have something very special. You might have to lose somebody good to realize how good they were. You might have to have a really bad experience, like a hookup gone wrong or something, I don't know, to make you realize this isn't me. But again, you know, you kind of closing that on yourself and not even letting yourself experience and fail and do these things, I think you're not letting yourself learn.

As much as you are trying to protect yourself, you also need to learn. So, Zerke, where's the fine line? There really is none. There is none. Because it's all about responding. How do you respond to a situation? When you are presented with an opportunity that is telling you,

oh, this might be bad. how do you interpret it do you think well this is just me being afraid but actually this might be good or are you looking at it as like i'm reckless i'm just gonna do it because whatever yolo or are you like i've seen this before all right i've seen this before i've seen somebody trying to lead me on and it it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck and it's walking like a duck so i think they are they are a duck right and this is no duck life three

okay for those of you that were tapped into cool math games duck life three well duck life two i think that was insane i literally i did so many speed runs of that game in my reading and writing class

that we had in the computer lab and whenever the teacher wasn't looking on just like switch tabs and that and pop tropica and oh balloon tower defense goaded anyways back to the to the point here the solution to your problems is not another problem it's not another yearn another chase it is reflection it is understanding what happened and trying to make sense of it not doing that forever and keeping yourself in this prison of like i cannot do anything i cannot change

oh my goodness no but it is understanding where things went wrong, where they could have been better, and realizing that maybe people tried to tell you, and they tried to warn you. And now that warning is valid. There's a validation to it. And next time, you should listen. Even if you're going to make the same mistake, you should listen. The very least, keep it in the back of your head. Ooh, okay, this is kind of feeling like that time where I got rejected because of something that was out of my control. Maybe this is a similar thing. Ooh, this is kind of feeling like that time where someone was telling me what I wanted to hear instead of acting in a way that was important to our relationship. I don't know if I'm

going to trust this. The more that you are able to connect the dots looking backwards, the better you are going to be set up for the dots in the future. Because the last thing you want to do is look back on your life and realize that you have been going in a circle the whole time. And there has been no progression. There has been nothing that has made you feel like, wow, I have made some kind of substantial progress and zirky show. I wish you all the best. I know that you can change this upcoming year. I know that you can do incredible things because I believe in you. But you also have to believe in yourself and you also have to be honest. When you make a mistake, when there is a lapse in your judgment. When somebody warned you, admit that it happened, and just vow to change and act on it.

Just act on it. Today's episode of the Zerkees show was filmed in beautiful Cripple Creek, Colorado, as the sun sets over the mountains, Colorado, Estere State. Beautiful place. I love it here. It's like a second home. If you want more of the Zirky Show, just know that the Zirky Show is everywhere you go. That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, there are many ways to tap in. It's the Zirky Show everywhere you go. Do the things that bring you joy. And if you haven't looked at the moon for a while, just check that it's still there.

Okay, I can see it here. That's weird. It's kind of glitching. Sometimes I wonder if it's a hologram. Just kidding, Zirky Show. It's kind of crazy that we just live on this planet and we get to see other planets from our naked eye. If you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, Zirky Show, I'm sending you lots.

of love and peace. This is what it's all about.