the zurkie show - you’re not hard to be friends with

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

if they want you in their life, they will make sure you are in it.2026, don't worry about losing a few mediocre people to make room for the good ones.authenticity is the best magnet for friendship.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

You're going to have to let go of people who are holding you back in order to make space for the ones that want to see you grow. You're going to have to say goodbye to a few friends this year. It won't be easy. But what I promise you is that through the pain of being alone, through the pain of feeling like you'll never find the right friends, as long as you just focus on keeping in touch with people that matter and making an effort to meet people that excite you and bring you joy, you'll make good friends.

And that leads me to today's question. Hey, Zirki. So I've always had trouble, like, making friends. And, like, this year, senior year, I've finally found, like, people that, like, I enjoy being with, hanging out with. But I'm worried, like, you know, it's college. Like, how can I stay in touch with them? It's, like, with most of my friends. Even, like, from middle school to high school, I've, like, year after year, I've just, like, I just like lost contact with them. So how can I just make sure I keep talking to them? Because I really do enjoy being friends with them. Thank you. Elias, thank you so much for your question. It's a great one.

If you have a question of your own that you want to submit to the Zerky Show, email it to me at the Zerky Show at gmail.com as a voice memo, 30 seconds or less. How do you keep people that you love in your life? How do you maintain friendships? It's one of the hardest things. that people have four centuries tried to figure out. In the past, you would send letters to people that you moved away from. You would try to call them on the phone. I think it all comes down to intentionality and seeing how a friendship is reciprocated. The truth is you might really want

to be friends with these people. You might really see value in their friendship. You guys play the same sports. You guys hang out together. But one thing that you have to understand, Elias, is naturally all of us change and grow. And sometimes certain friendships are good for a certain period of time. You probably have had a work friend in the past that you were really close with at work or a school friend that when you were in class together, all you wanted to do is yap and get yelled at by the teacher. But as soon as you saw each other outside of that, the vibe changed, right? It's not the same. And I think that you have to understand if a friendship is going to grow or if it's going to stagnate. And that comes from your intention of putting

in energy and seeing what happens. Instead of thinking, how do I keep these friendships and coming from a place of, well, these friendships are super, super fragile and they're scarce. Go at it as an experiment. Because you don't know what somebody else is going to do. You don't have that luxury, unfortunately, of knowing exactly how they're going to treat your advances of wanting to build a stronger connection. But what you can control is how you're going to reach out to them, how often you do so. Do you text them first, reach out to them first, ask them to hang out when you're in your hometown right from college, do you ask them to grab coffee and kick a ball around and just catch up with them? Intentionality also comes from the fact of understanding that your friend,

friendship, you might have to do some of the legwork in it. Unfortunately, I wish that all of my friendships reciprocated the same energy that I gave in. But if I'm honest, people are busy. But if people want to make time for you and a friend is genuine, they always will. I also think that there is a huge amount of pressure that comes with keeping up with people. Some friendships are like wine. They age and they get better with time. That means that maybe not talking for a couple of months will strengthen your friendship because when you come back together and you meet once again, you'll feel like you have more things to talk about.

I've even seen this in my own life. Some of my closest friends I don't talk to on a day-to-day basis because I'm living my life. I'm doing my things. I have other priorities. And there's nothing wrong with that. It all comes down to keeping up with people. How do you do that? for a long stretch of time. You do that by showing genuine interest. And this is the baseline of a friendship. It has to be genuine. You have to actually like the person for their quirks, for their weirdness, for the things they bring to the table.

You can't just like them because you played on the same soccer team. You hung out in the same friend group. It needs to have some kind of emotional tie. And this is where I think people mistake having, you know, acquaintances with friends. Just because you know somebody doesn't mean you're going to keep up with them after you leave your hometown. And just because you're friends with somebody doesn't mean that in the long term, they are going to want to be there for you. And I think that taking this pressure off your back of like, I need to maintain these friends.

And if I don't maintain these friends, it means that I'm a terrible person. I'm a terrible friend. You should just allow yourself to see what happens. See who's going to keep up with you. When you, you know, throw your fishing pole of friendship into the lake behind me, you got to see who's going to grab, right? Who's going to bite and reel them in and know that that's somebody that's worth keeping. That's somebody that's worth investing time into. Because the last thing you want to do is over-exert yourself.

Try to keep up with too many people and feel like you can't make new friends in the college, the new place, the new group of people that you find yourself. with at work or in a new hobby because you have so many friendships that you already have stacked on each other. Maybe there's better people out there for you. I'm not saying that your friends right now aren't great. I'm just saying they're new. And like with anything in life, things have to prove to you that they're worth keeping. Just because somebody is, you know, consistent and they hit you up and you share the same meme sense of humor doesn't mean that they're going to be a good friend for you long term. Also, it comes with time. What you're going to realize is that people show who they truly are with time. If you're in close proximity,

somebody might be more keen on wanting to hang out with you, wanting to be with you. It doesn't mean that they're going to be a good friend. When you are down at your worst, when you are down at the dumps, when you feel like there's no point in continuing something hard, like just living your day-to-day life sometimes. Your true friends are going to come up and uplift you. And if you have had that kind of situation where you've been down in the dumps and nobody came to help you, you got to make better friends. You got to find people who are going to look out for you way more because right now

it's not cutting it. And I know you might feel like you have done your best to make good friends. And there are people that can make you laugh and that do check in on you. but outside of that it's the people that care which then leads me to asking what does caring look like how do you know if somebody is actually trying to be your friend and worry about you and care for you

and want you to do better in this life it's hard I think you feel it you understand it and they do it without expecting something in return a lot of our friendships nowadays are based on transaction They're based on what can you give me?

Can I take something from you? Can I be a leech? Be careful. Be very, very careful. And these kind of leeches, they don't come in a way of leaching off your money, right? You go to Starbucks or some coffee shop and they're like, yo, you got me?

Dude, thank you so much, bro. You're a real one. You're my homie. Like, it's not like that. They're going to leach emotions off you. time off you. They're going to spend their sorrows in your bank of time by asking you to be there for them. Oh, can you just, can you be here, bro?

I'm just lonely. I need somebody. Be very careful about that. That's not a real friend. That's somebody who sees an opportunity to use you and will do it. A real friend won't expect much in return. They'll do something out of the good of their heart with an understanding that, that you'll be there for them, that you will support them.

And maybe it doesn't look like, you know, you buy them something. They're going to buy you something. No, it can be something as simple as they go through a breakup. They call you. They just want to hear your voice. They just want to talk to you. They just want to keep in touch with you. And what you'll do is you'll go and visit them.

You'll go hang out with them. You'll go spend quality time. Caring also looks like commitment. Is this a friend that? that is willing to go hang out with you, be in person with you. And I get it. Some of us have friends that are across the world, so it's a little bit difficult. But are they somebody that is going to go out of their way and sacrifice their own time to make space for you in their life?

This is something that friendship has kind of lost its meaning in. A lot of us just think that having a friend is shooting a text or shooting some memes, right? Like, that's not what it's about. it's about quality time like with anything just because you know you have a dog doesn't mean you're a good dog owner you don't walk the dog you don't feed it i don't know that the dog's going to survive right same thing with friendships if you don't feed the friendship if you don't give it some you know a nice bed to rest on if you don't allow it to explore different territories and try new things and and meet other people it's going to stagnate and it's going to feel like it's going to feel like

it's going nowhere. Good friendships also come with growth. Sometimes people are in your life for a certain period of time and that's it. And the more that you hold on to the fact that you are no longer together, the more time you are going to take away from the fact that you could be making new memories and better memories with better friends. Listen, at the end of the day, all of us are alone. that's the truth all of us in some way are responsible for our own happiness for our own perils for our own life friends can be such a good pillar of support but they can also be a crutch they can also be something that holds us back even if we don't realize it a real friend will want you to grow a real friend will make will also realize when they need to live

let you go. Want to go electric without sacrificing fun? That's the Volkswagen ID4. All-electric and thoughtfully designed to elevate your modern lifestyle. The Volkswagen ID4 is fun to drive with instant acceleration that makes city streets feel like open roads, plus a refined interior with innovative technology always at your fingertips. The all-electric ID4. You deserve more fun. Visit vw.c.c.c.com to learn more. S-UvW, German-engineered for all. And I think that you have to do the same. What if Zerke, I feel like the people in my life are not cutting it for me. And they just kind of are lackluster and I don't actually feel like I have true friends. That could be the case. You could have some really terrible friends. You could have

people that if you called on them for something, they'd be like, yo, let me call you back real quick. like, I'm with a baddie right now. And it's like, bro, I'm getting mugged. I need your help. Get better friends. They're not going to change. If they're selfish, if they make fun of you, if they think less of you, you would be a fool to think that they are going to change something about them. Maybe if you acted more alpha or you got a sick white tea with a chain on it. No. No. No. they won't change. If your girly best friend group is toxic, they're not going to change. And you have to kind of reflect inward and look at yourself in a different light when you leave

and be like, why would as I even friends with these people in the first place? And I don't think you should hold that against yourself either. You should just look at the fact that I was running with the wrong crowd and this crowd doesn't care for me, so I've got to figure something else out. We often think that we can't leave our friends and we feel guilty about it. Sometimes we're thinking that being in a friend group is actually making things better and we're helping a bunch of people again Bad bad thing to do in my experience what I have found is miserable people like to stay around miserable people And if you don't want to be miserable, why would you spend your time with people who complain with with with people who make

Other people's drama that they don't care about you their problem and that have self-limiting beliefs? Why would you stay around that? If you have the option to do something different, why not just experience that? Because you can always go back. You can always go back. But you might only have one chance to go forward and try something different. So I would take it. I would take yourself seriously.

I would take the people that you are around seriously. And I would also not hold on to friendships that are failing. If somebody is distancing themselves from you, maybe it's just a matter of time before they're out. And you don't have to worry about it. And I think if that relationship is very important to you, you should confront them. I've been confronted in the past about being a bad friend, and I was not even like, oh my goodness, I'm offended that they would ever think that. I was being a bad friend.

And it took understanding their perspective and seeing their side to realize, I got to do better. I'm being avoidant. I'm being like, oh, I can talk to them whenever. When in reality, they want more out of this friendship, and it was something I was willing to give. But I was just like, oh, lazy. I just did not want to keep up with it.

What kind of friends do you want? Do you want to feel inspired by them? Do you want to feel held accountable by them? Do you want to feel like they have your best interest? or do you just want to chill and reminisce about high school and college and middle school? What if you could have both?

What if you don't need to spend all of your time around your old hometown friends? You can have a new set of friends that do challenge you, push you to be better, push you to go harder, and you can go to your hometown friends and take them for who they are. Instead of being like,

why can't you be more like all of these people? Why can't you be locked in? they don't want to and that's okay you have the power to change and pick who you're around you can't force them to do anything different i'll be honest friendship without your own your own journey in life it's not a good combo true friendship comes from you following a pursuit doing something for yourself which i know for a lot of us growing up up that's a selfish thing because we have to worry about our family we have to worry about pleasing our parents and everyone around us but actually going and doing something that you want

that's how you're going to meet the best friends you will ever have you won't meet them in your grade school classroom you might meet a really good friend that supports you sure you might get really lucky but honestly if you focus on what you want you focus on yourself the right will somehow come out of the woodworks for you. You will somehow intersect each other. And it's one of those things I don't know if I have an explanation for. You might have to trust me. Source, trust me, bro.

You might have to just trust me or not. But when you change your environment kind of changes, when you start to take yourself seriously, you start to notice other people that do the same. that quiet kid in class that doesn't talk to anybody and sits on his MacBook, he looks less of a loser. When you actually start to take a look at him, you realize, oh, he's actually like a designer and he's like designing posters and Photoshop.

Way, that's cool. I want to like learn that. I'm going to go talk to him. When you look in your environment and you start to realize like, okay, I'm more focused on being healthier. I want to, you know, lift more weights. I want to go on more runs. Wait a minute.

There's this girl. see all the time that goes on these runs around my dorm room. I'm going to just talk to her and be like, hey, like, I see you're running all the time. Like, you know, what's up? Can I join you on a run? Or like, do you have a run club that you go to that I could also be a part of? That's how you meet people that are more in line with what you want. That's how you're going to meet people that feel like they're a part of your life. And they have some kind of purpose in it. Holding on to friends will just drain you. And it'll make you go crazy. It'll make you think that something is wrong with you, that you can't keep the same friends. But maybe that's a really good thing. What if that's a sign of

change, that you're not the same, that you don't just care about the same things that your friends always cared about? And it's kind of crazy. Like, I feel like I've got a lot of personal growth in the last six years. I have some people that I knew in high school that I, don't know if they've changed much. I don't hold that against them. That's their life. That's great for them. But for me, I don't want that.

Do you want that? Do you want to look back six years from now and be like, I'm not a different person? I haven't gone out of my comfort zone. I just stayed around people that made me comfortable. I don't know if that's such a good idea. But then again, holding on to friends can someone. sometimes mean that you are too afraid to look for something more, to try something different. Did you see what's up?

See if you can challenge yourself. What I find too is that people are refraining from having friendships that challenge their perspectives, with people they would normally not be friends with, with people that are in completely different crowds of the world, completely different ethnicities even. Medium power. 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play.

Feel the fun with Play Ojo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements. Instant payouts and no minimum withdraws. Hey, I just won. Woohoo. Feel the fun. Play Ojo.

Honey, forget about the lasagna. Let's celebrate. 19 plus Ontario only. Please play responsibly. Concern about your gambling or that of someone close to you. Call 16-531-2600 or visitconX Ontario.ca. This episode is brought to. to you by FedEx.

These days, the Power Move isn't having a big metallic credit card to drop on the check at a corporate lunch. The real Power Move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence and accessing one of the biggest data networks powered by one of the biggest delivery networks. Level up your business with FedEx, the new Power Move. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy.

Please sit and stretch. Steep. Flip. Or that. And enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. This life is one. Give it a shot.

You can try and you can realize that actually, no. No, I don't. I thought that I was going to be into cycling and then I met a bunch of cyclists. No, I don't like it. But it is better to know that after the fact. instead of always having this little earworm telling you, I could have. I should have asked. I knew I could play guitar.

I should have joined that band and just like talk to them and see if I had it in me. But naturally, as you change through this life, everything about you will be different. And instead of trying to hold on to how things were, embrace the change. Embrace the person you're becoming. used to be super extroverted. Now you want to chill out a little bit and be more introverted. Embrace that. Don't look at it as such a terrible thing

and that you need to force yourself to be more outgoing. Maybe some introversion will be good for you. You used to be, you know, top dog. You used to know everybody at, you know, at your high school, at your school. Now you're going to a big university. You don't know anybody. You're starting from ground zero. And you feel like, oh my goodness, my life is so terrible.

I used to be so social. I used to have a move every night. I had this basement to go to. I had this club to go to. You start over. And instead of looking at it as like, I got to rebuild all of this for myself, look at it as an opportunity. You get to be a new version of yourself to a new group of people. You get to present yourself, not with the baggage of everything in the past and everything

that people remembered about you and just be accepted for who you are right now. It is such an underrated thing. It's something that we acknowledge, you know, every time that we are presented with our hometown friends is, oh my goodness, they don't view me any different. It's a weird truth, right? There's very few people that will accept you as you change and be like, oh, I like this about you. Oh, you're this kind of person now. That's great. Strive to be around more people that are like that.

If you can find it. if you can't maybe you got to change your environment maybe you got to move somewhere what's that meme d'agistan two three years forget maybe you got a train right with kabib or something i don't know no no no but maybe maybe these friends if they're meant to stay in your life they will and you won't have to claw at keeping them one of the worst feelings i I won't lie to you, is when you really do like somebody, you like a friend, you have someone that was instrumental to your growth as a young person. And you notice them drift away.

They're not as interested in you anymore. They kind of have their own thing going for them, having to step away from it and realize that you got to let them live their life and that you can't force trying to be their friend. It's tough It's tough We want to keep our friends We want to keep people that have been so important to us But that is like the same thing with grieving somebody who's passed away

You want them to stay for you Because what if their wish is they want to meet other people They want to move on with their life they want to experience other friendships or they just don't feel a connection with you anymore. If you truly appreciate your friendship, do you appreciate it enough to let them go? And to not hold it against them. And to realize, you know what, man, you're an adult. We're going to college.

I have so much limited time. You have so much limited time. If you don't want to be in my life, I don't need it and you don't need it. That's cool. Let's let it fizzle. It's a tough thing. Because that selfish part of us wants to keep on to the memories and keep on to who we were. But if we know we're going to change, why not be more open to seeing who is going to come into our lives and bring us a bunch of gifts and wow us and make us change the course of the way that we think and the way that we live?

instead of just staying rooted to I was this person in middle school and high school and college and I'm going to continue to be that way there's just so much more to it and it's going to be difficult you will lose friends you will lose people that you grew up with

because you fall out of touch but I think when you have a friendship there's always something there There's always a little bit of history. And maybe you're not meant to be friends right now. Maybe you're meant to go on a two, three, four, five-year hiatus, come back together and pick up where you left off. Don't close anything off. Because people do change.

And if somebody has hurt you and made you feel really bad, you considered them a brother, a sister, a homie, and now you think that they're your enemy. they might learn their lesson and come back. And I think there's one thing I regret is holding the actions of people and their past against them instead of looking at the changes they made and accepting them for who they are right now, Zirky Show. You will lose people, but don't lose yourself and others.

Today's episode of The Zirky Show was filmed in beautiful Orleans. Florida as the clouds make it bearable to be in the sun. Did you know that the Zirky Show is everywhere you go? That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll. You can stream it. Choice is yours if you want to tap in.

It's the Zirky Show all over the globe. Everywhere you go. Tap in. Do the things that bring you joy in this new year. Send me a voice memo with a question that you have about your life, about your relationship, about your crush, about anything. I'll do my best to answer in an upcoming episode. I hope you enjoyed a little change in the format.

Other than that, if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you in Zirki Show. I am sending you lots of love and peace. And before I peace out, check out the bracelet. We got that Windows XP vibe for today. Wait up, hold on, I want to show you the Internet Explorer. What? So cool.

Oh. Peace.