the zurkie show - you’re not their therapist

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

you deserve to have peace in a relationship.but it shouldn't come at the the cost of your emotions, time and sanity.sure, you'll have moments where you might need to love them more.but don't let that be an excuse for a lack of self care.sending you lots of love and peaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

This episode is brought to you by FedEx. These days, the Power Move isn't having a big metallic credit card to drop on the check at a corporate lunch. The real Power Move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence, and accessing one of the biggest data networks powered by one of the biggest delivery networks. Level up your business with FedEx, the new Power Move. Amazon Presents, Laura versus fruit flies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen,

these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the everyday with Amazon. I have a guilty pleasure in relationships, which is when things get hard, I disappear. I stop kind of caring about my own emotions, and I put someone else in front of me as the important one that needs the most attention.

And I think this came from a deep insecurity when I was younger that I wasn't liked. And any relationship I was in, it was just a matter of time before they would leave me because they'd realize how pathetic I was. Not the best thoughts to be having as like an eight, nine year old, but, you know, hey, we all go through our own fair share of things. And that's been a theme that I didn't really think that much of until I became a little bit older and I started realizing, wait a minute. I really feel like I can't express my own struggles or my own feelings when someone else is going through it. And I don't think that that's fair. I don't think that's fair at all.

I actually think that if you feel frustrated or you feel upset about your partner and they're having a hard time, they're going through an emotionally taxing time, it doesn't mean that you just start to ignore yourself. Actually, I think it's more of a pretext to like bring those things up and talk about it together. But for some reason, for me, it almost feels like they don't care. And same thing goes for my friends or for my family. They don't care. They have their own problems. Why would I want to burden them with more? But that continues to build pressure in my own life.

And that continues to make me feel so terrible about the fact that I am not okay. And I need somebody to talk to. And I need someone to just tell me, yo, bro, you're goaded, relax. Like, you're going to be fine. you know you haven't been consistent with the gym yes you've been indulging a little bit and some P Terry's in and out a little too much that's okay I just need someone to tell me that's okay but I won't get that unless I decide to seek it out what is so easy is for you to close yourself in and validate the part of you that wants

to be ignored and that wants to secretly feel like nobody cares about you. But it is a lie. It's not truthful. And it is based in a deep insecurity, which is that you want to be liked. You want to feel like people care about you. But if you do not give them the chance, they won't.

But sometimes it's difficult. Because I'm sure you have friendships where you're basically an emotional, sponge to them. All they do is talk about how bad their life is and all you do is give advice and they never change. So at what point do you make a decision to stand up for yourself and be like, no more? No more. I'm not dealing with this anymore.

I got my own life to live. I got my own things that interest me. It's like, how much can you take until you realize that doesn't help you either? I've spent a long time in my own life, trying to be the therapist for other people, and not in a sense of hearing people out, giving feedback when they ask, but instead trying to fix whatever they're going through and trying to look at things from a lens of my own. But that's not how life works. at least in my opinion everyone has their own journey everyone has their own set of problems

quirks that make them very unique and I'm very thankful for it but also it makes it really complicated to give any kind of advice and actually adhere to it and follow it and a lot of the advice that you can hear about your own life right like go to sleep on time be active

have a good friend group have good people around you that's all stuff that you will hear from people time and time again like a broken record, but you won't internalize it until you struggle through it and you make a decision to make a change. Instead, what I think happens to a lot of us is we become the dealer for other people. Other people become addicted on our support. And then it makes you feel like your entire existence is just to help other people, but you're not even helping. You're just there. And not there as just like, I'm here for you.

You're just there to be squeezed like a sponge. And it takes a toll on you. It does. And it makes you want to be a recluse and not interact. And it makes you really upset with yourself that you are allowing other people's emotions to just like bog you down. It's like cement on your feet and you can't swim up. It sucks. RBC Training Ground has discovered potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and counting.

Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got. Sign up for free at rbc trainingground.ca. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip. Play.

Post. Taste. View. And enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. So how do you distance yourself from it? How do you set a healthy boundary? Everyone likes to talk about boundaries.

What even is a boundary nowadays? You have a phone. There are no boundaries. You can call somebody at any time, text them at any time. It's this weird feeling like I need to respond to them. When in reality, you can take a break from your phone five, ten minutes, nothing will happen. But it doesn't feel that way. Look, I think it actually lands.

in your own needs. That's where a lot of the struggle is in. Because do you even know what you need? I don't know if I know what I need. I think I need to be around people a lot. I'm social. I like talking to people. But then again, being around people way too much

kind of makes me exhausted. kind of makes me be like, yo, I need my own space. So then you go on the, you know, a little bit of a pendulum swing and you say,

okay, then if I need space, I need to be by myself. All right, that's great. But being by yourself a little bit too much can also drive you

to points of losing your sanity. So then it's this swing of figuring out what is needed. And outside of that, it also comes with people. Because there might be a part of you that does need somebody to just hear you out. There's also a part of you that might need to just like keep your problems in and not worry

about it. And the truth is that you have to kind of find what that balance looks like for you. And different people can be good in different attributes. You don't have to get the same support from somebody that makes you laugh than someone that you can have an honest, genuine heart to heart with. People are different, right? You can be a jester. Like that meme where he's like,

in front of the princess, you can be that too. That's fine. But if your needs are not being met, you will begin to build resentment towards other people in your life and you might start to withdraw. And it happens slowly. I'm sure you've noticed that maybe you were on the receiving end of this, where you were in a relationship with somebody and all of a sudden they just, they're switching little things. It's always small. things, things that they would say, maybe compliments that they would make, initiation they would take, it begins to fade, and it's not like immediate they don't want to talk to you, it's kind of like a when given a choice of something else, they will begin to wonder about that choice a little bit

more. In times where it used to be, we're going to hang out together, we have this ritual together that we're going to, you know, drive home from school, they're going to decide, you know, what I want to go with this person and that person and listen. Nothing wrong with that. You need a little bit of change and sometimes you'll be in a honeymoon phase and then it's time to take a break and kind of get back into reality. But you will begin to kind of feel it if they are pulling back and it's always important in my opinion to acknowledge it and bring it up. Yo, things don't feel the same. And why is that? What is causing this? Is it something that I'm doing maybe I'm doing something wrong and I would want to know part of it could also be they just

don't like you anymore your your deep fear that you are actually being neglected it might be true it might be true but also you need to give them a benefit of the doubt and you have to also look like are you being a little bit stagnant are you being a little bit comfortable in your relationship and your friendship where you're kind of letting off the gas. Because famously it takes two to tango. And if you're not doing the proper dance moves, you're going to be uncoordinated. And it might feel like they are the problem,

but rarely is that ever the case. It always falls back to you two in a relationship, in a friendship, two people is what make it count. So what if we're in a situation where we feel Like the only option is to slowly shut off our emotions and drift away into the night. We got to recognize why we have decided to turn that part of us on. What? Turn us on?

Why are we so keen on stepping away from our relationship? What is making us feel that way? And what are we not receiving that we need? Is it something that we can voice? is it a time thing? Are we not spending enough time with somebody else? Is it that we don't have enough alone time? And that's actually making us feel super, super claustrophobic, because that's a very real thing. Not a lot of people talk about. You want to spend every moment with your partner. You want to spend every moment with your friends. Bro, you need a lone time. You need a moment to chill on the

couch. You need a moment to go to the beach. You need a moment to drive in your car and listen to music. that. Not everything needs to be spent with somebody else. But instead what happens is a lot of us think that a relationship and the time we spend is very scarce. We don't think of it as abundance. We think of it as this person will leave me eventually. So I need to harness as much of their energy, as much of their time, as much of their soul as possible. It's a bad way to look at it. It's a way I understand because I used to think that way. And I thought it's only a matter of time until this is cooked, right? But it only goes so far.

Because then you can very easily lose yourself and somebody else. And you can very easily feel like the only way to gain that back is by completely cutting them off, is by becoming a recluse and thinking that it's entirely their fault. It's not. You had a part to it. You let yourself do it. And there's nothing now. that you can do in terms of holding it against yourself,

you just got to be like, all right, that happened. Now, how do I deal with it? It is so easy to become dependent on a partner and not in a way that supplements your life, in a way that will be such a detriment to building something beautiful. And it happens because we just are not used to finding someone that actually cares about us.

And when we have that, we want to keep it. And we want all of it. and it feels so good, but also it can be abused. It can be used way too often. And it creates this codependency of needing them for everything and in order to feel happy all of the time. And that's not healthy either. It's not healthy.

You don't need to be on FaceTime to do dishes. You don't need to be on FaceTime to, you know, talk every single day. You can text. you can call. It's all about figuring out what do you need? Maybe you do need that much communication and that much time. That's great. Or maybe you need it in the beginning and then later you kind of find your footing and you say, all right, we need a little bit of distance between us and that's normal. People are supposed to make your life easier and better and supplement it. They're not supposed to drain you. And the minute that you start being drained, you have to look at two things. You have to look at,

Is it the fault of the person? Are they just a draining individual to be around? Because some people are vampires in this world, and they will just suck all of it out of you. And the second one, are you allowing yourself to be drained? Is it something that you're just giving up? Are you just knowingly seeing that you are being used for your time, for your emotional support, for your wisdom that they never use somehow? and the same problem keeps repeating.

And are you going to put a stop to it? Because maybe they're taking this. And they're even cognizant of it. They know that this is, they're kind of reaching here. And a simple conversation, a simple confrontation could make both of you be like, yo, we like each other, we want this to work. This is kind of ridiculous, though. We need to have our own time.

We need to figure out what our own schedule is going to look like, man. Maybe it will bring you more peace if you sit with your, feelings. If you don't immediately kind of act on the emotion of I feel really frustrated with my relationship, with my friendships, with, you know, my parents, whatever it is. And you actually try to kind of get to the root of where it's coming from. Because oftentimes it actually might be you. You might be the person that's inflicting a lot of these thought loops. For me, for example, I'll think, oh, it's, you know, it's my partner's fault that I feel so overwhelmed because they're telling me, you know, all about the things that are going on in their life. And maybe

they're going through a hard time. But in reality, I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not sleeping adequately. I'm not journaling. I'm not putting myself first. Instead, I'm kind of being a Batman to all of their issues, and as soon as they call, I answer. And that's not right. It's not right. And becoming a recluse and just like kind of cutting yourself off emotionally, right, and just becoming, you know, a shell of yourself. It's not going to help anything. It's going to make you to grow more apart than anything. So I just really urge you, like, try to find some kind of solution that isn't a complete shutout, a complete no. There are some instances where cutting somebody off, okay, emotionally and also in life is the right decision.

All right. It just, you cannot change their mind. You need some space. Then I understand. but when it comes to becoming like a victim of your own mind and realizing and listening to all this this negativity

that's brewing and honestly resentment of yourself that you let yourself go that you let yourself gain relationship weight that you didn't keep in touch with the hobbies and the things that made you fun that made you feel like you were living life in a really fun way before you met somebody that does not mean that the other person should suffer.

It just doesn't. It just doesn't. And I think that if you get in the habit of actually following where your destructive thoughts come from and why they appear at the times that they do, you slowly begin to realize where the root is rotting in your life, where you need to actually pull the weeds out in order to grow a better garden and what you need to tend to. It's so easy to become distracted by people, distracted by hookups, distracted by a quick fling, a quick date. It's harder to figure out why it's been difficult for you to connect to somebody, why you've been

so keen on staying stagnant in your life. And for me, man, it's alone time. and a lack of it. It's not allowing myself to just relax, hang out, and feel not guilty about it. Feel happy that I'm doing it. And if I don't do that, what ends up happening, I project it onto other people. So I'm catching it now. I'm realizing it's part of the Problem Zerky Show.

And listen, I'm not a perfect person. I make mistakes. I'm not the perfect guy in this world. I wish I was. But I learned. or at least I hope I do. And sometimes, even when I learn, I got to repeat it a couple times

in order to get the hang of it. And that's the beauty of this thing. But just bundling up your emotions and sitting in them and not letting anybody pick your brain or figure out what the issue is, it ain't going to help you. That's for certain.

Today's episode of The Zerkees show is filmed in beautiful Austin, Texas. Here near Mueller Park, if you guys know where this is, It's a nice little neighborhood. One of my favorite ramen spots, Marufu Raman, I just ate there. So good. Every time, it just, it's great.

I recommend it if you're ever in Austin. Go check it out. It's a nice little neighborhood, nice park, great place to hang out and be in your thoughts. Maybe listen to some music as you walk near the interesting wildlife they have here. They have, like, ducks with growths on them. I don't know, it's interesting, but it's really cool. Did you know that the Zerki Show is everywhere you go? That is correct.

You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, these are the best ways. To tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. And don't be a stranger, man.

You see somebody doing something cool in public. Go up to them and ask them what they're doing and why they do it. You'd be surprised as to how many incredible experiences I've been able to have. And in general, people are able to have when you open up to a stranger. And yeah, you know it might be scary. And yeah, it might be kind of weird. But who cares? Who cares, really?

other than you. Be safe out there. Times are interesting, you know, and we all got to look after each other, especially now. And if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, Zirky Show,

I'm sending you lots of love. And peace. Frozen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-O-Jo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games.

What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum withdraws. Hey, I just won. Woo-hoo! Feel the fun. Play, Ojo. Honey, forget about the lasagna. Let's celebrate! 19 plus Ontario only, please play responsibly.

Concerned about your gambling or that of someone close to you, call 16-531-2600 or visit conexonterio.ca.