Theology in the Raw - S8 Ep889: Parenting in the Raw: Chris Sprinkle

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Chris is a mother, wife, and Vice-President for The Center for Faith, Sexuality & Gender. She also helps run Theology in the Raw and my personal ministry. Oh, and I’m sleeping with her. She’s my wife. And she’s an incredible mom, and that’s what we talk about in this uncut episode. Chris is very passionate about parenting our kids in the ways of Christ in such a way that sets them up to succeed in the world today.  Support Preston Support Preston by going to patreon.comVenmo: @Preston-Sprinkle-1 Connect with Preston Twitter | @PrestonSprinkle Instagram | @preston.sprinkle Youtube | Preston Sprinkle Check out his website prestonsprinkle.com If you enjoy the podcast, be sure to leave a review.

🎵 Hello, friends. Welcome back to another episode of Theology and the Wah. Theology and the Rah. Should I say Theology and the Wah? The Wah. Of Weology and the Wah. This is Elmer Flood speaking to you. I am here with my wife, Chris Sprinkle. This is a podcast we've been planning for a while. We did one of these, I think, two years ago. Yeah. Maybe one year ago. We got a lot of people who said,

hey, can you have Chris back on? I get a lot of that. When's your wife coming back on? So back by popular demand, my wife, Chris Sprinkle. How are you doing, Chris? Hey, good. You nervous? A little bit. So I just recorded an interview with a friend of mine, Andrew Bunt. It probably was released, I think, just prior to this one. And we talked about polyamory, sex with robots, and procreation. You probably don't want to talk about any of that stuff, right?

No. So I do want to talk about parenting. Because you're a parent. And you're not just just a parent i think you're an amazing parent and i'm not just saying that because you're here um i you you're you're an amazing mom and you absolutely love it and you put a ton of time and effort and thinking into being a mom like i think i don't know if a day has gone by since we've had kids where you haven't woken up and devoted a significant part of your day to how can I be the best mom I can.

Would that be, I don't wanna put words in your mouth. I mean, is that? Yeah, yeah, I love being a mom. I always wanted to be a mom and I love our kids. So that makes it so easy. I feel like we have the funnest kids and so yeah being a mom is easy i feel like that's what i love doing and yeah love devoting my time to

it has its uh well ups and downs in a sense of definitely challenges oh it's hard work for sure yeah it's hard work but but um but very i think rewarding in in one way because it's like you know the more time and the work you put into it um just the better the relationships the better the family flow and so it's um yeah how would you describe our our stage right now i mean so just so our audience know i mean they they most of them probably know about we have four kids uh 18 16 14 and 12 the older three are girls um one's about to leave the house yeah a month and a half month and a half uh the youngest is a boy um so that's where we're at so we're in this kind of teenage stage which can be for some people i mean one of the most challenging times and it certainly has its

challenges it's also I mean there's just so many unique I don't know like like our kids are they're like adult little adults now you know like you're we're we have fun with them in a way that's like even if I didn't even if you weren't my kid I feel like you're funny or you know we're having like adult conversations and stuff how would you describe our kid, I feel like you're funny or, you know, we're having like adult conversations and stuff. How would you describe our stage? Yeah, I think this is like I've loved every stage, but I think this is like the funnest stage in the sense that if I could freeze time, I would freeze this moment right now, right before our oldest is leaving the home. And just because we're it's just we're more friends and we've figured out our rhythm. We understand each other so well. I think the last several years in the teenage years, we've just really tried to understand each other,

understand each kid and what their Enneagrams are, how they tick, how they work. And so as their personalities have come out, it's been a lot easier to parent in the sense that I can understand and I would understand why they're going to respond this way instead of, you know, just kind of not understanding them. So, yeah, I feel like I love it. It's hard sometimes. Well, I would describe it as it's just I thought having little kids was like took up the most time but i think the teenage years does but in a different way and the younger kids it's like everyone needs you because they can't do anything on their own and then now i i find that everyone needs us but more like deeper life decisions life coaching um and that can be super exhausting yeah i mean, I think we have less time together now

than we did when we were kids because we were, or when we had little kids because we would put the kids bed at 7.30 and have the whole evening to ourselves. And now we're- Now we put the kids to bed at like 1 a.m. And we're exhausted.

We're going to bed and they're staying up. They do seem to get really chatty late at night. Not every night, but there's some nights where I feel like it's like midnight when they're like, hey, I want to talk about the deep things of life and we're like really now what and you're of the mindset of like whenever you're ready right i mean if it's midnight if this is when you want to talk then we'll talk and yeah yeah um there so this is theology in the rob we gotta talk about something that's um we can't we have to we have to make at least some people mad with something we say so

um so we could get into like the debate about like schooling i get this question a lot i mean homeschooling versus christian school versus public school um and we've i i don't know we can go there we could talk about um well different parenting styles there's always that balance between like being i don't like the word protective but people would frame it as overprotective underprotective how much do you shelter kids how much do you expose them to the world and i don't i don't know we've kind of tried to navigate that and i don't know it's it's not easy to find that balance of like um i think some people would say we're very uh maybe i don't know strict yeah maybe strict on some things and then very non-strict on other things would you say yeah what are some things

you you would say like oh no i want to be strict on this or that or um we can start there you have any shoot you're trying to play i think the the the one that always stands out for me is like social media with teenage girls like we don't allow okay here's one i i think i'm real sensitive to the mind and what you put in the mind it you can't it can't ever leave and And so I think I would, and this is where we have some differences, but I am stricter on what goes in the mind. So movies, books, things that you listen to that you can't get out of your mind. So I... You say you're more strict than I am?

Well, for sure. We've decided that, uh, and then, then it brings a bone of contention with the kids cause they're like, well, dad doesn't have a problem with it. You have a problem with it. And so I think we've had to kind of figure out like some things I take and I'm like, yep, I'm the one with the problem. You know, go to counseling later in life for what I've done to you and other, I'm like some things I take and I'm like, yep, I'm the one with the problem. You know, go to counseling later in life for what I've done to you. And I'm taking my chances.

And other times I think I'm like, well, you know what? Just ask dad. And dad can hold the responsibility of it. So I think we're going to get a fight here. So I would say I don't know. Yeah, I'm probably a little more lenient on movies, but I'm not even saying I'm right. I don't think I have the best judgment on some of that where I think you probably do. So I don't think I'm standing my ground.

No, they should watch Nightmare on Elm Street or something. nightmare on Elm Street or something. I think because of social media and all the web access compared to our day, I think they've gotten into our kids' minds so much and just subtly. Our kids are just kids in general. Kids in general, this generation. So I think that I hate that and I don't want that.

I feel like not growing up with that, we just had more simple minds, right? We didn't think if it wasn't in front of you, you didn't think about it. And if, and you weren't, your mind wasn't caused to like think deeper or, you know, and so, so many of these conversations that everything that's on theology and the raw, you know, that it's like, we didn't have that to think about. Not that it's a bad thing, but I, think um i'm just sensitive at like just making sure that

their brains are well we know that their brains aren't developed until they're 25 so until that these are the things that are shaping our kids and i don't want anything shaping my kid unless it's god and us and like good peers that i would have confidence in so um yeah so i think that's that's more more where I come from. It's not that, like, I don't want my kids hearing swear words or anything like that. It has nothing to do with that. It's more just psychologically. So, yeah, I would be more up for them watching a war movie with lots of blood and everything

than just a psychological movie. So, like, The Joker or, you know, any of those, which I've seen and my kids have seen. But I just think like if your brain can't handle- Or Split. How about Split? Those psychological kind of thrillers that- Yes, where it's like it causes you to think, maybe I have like double personalities.

Maybe I think that way. And then it creates more damage in their brains than they need to. So that's more, and you know that. It's not about sheltering them with swear words. I want my kids to be exposed to lots of different things, and I want them to be able to choose differently. But the psychological part is something that I think that is really messing up our kids.

Or even like that. In general. Like really dark, like dark, you said war movie, but I think like it's, there's certain kinds of violence that would be like, Hey,

this is part of life. You know, might as well know it exists, but then there's other like dark kind of violence. The hate you give, like love them. Right. Right.

Such a good movie. I mean, so much swearing, so much hood like inner city but it completely portrays like what is like reality where i just think these um the psychological things i just it's not all reality like it's just creating things and we're and we see that in our ministry so many teenagers that are so confused about everything. And they, you know, and it's like,

you just want to go back to like where they all begin. So many times it's social media, YouTube, it's the different things. So yeah, I think really strict with that. And then other things, I feel like I want them to be kids and just go do whatever,

like go have freedoms, go figure out how to like live and, you know, so. And I wouldn't say there's people that i think are more strict than us even when it comes to movies and shows and stuff like they've memorized the office and some people would say like oh my gosh that's i mean another yeah i don't know and music we're pretty i don't know i don't know if i i don't it's

hard to compare too it's like if we say we're leaning on music well compared to who you know yeah um but they typically listen to most almost all secular music they have some christian artists they like but yeah um they like i mean i yeah gotta be careful here but like they appreciate really good music like they like you know artistic music that's creative and thoughtful and stuff and um sometimes christian music doesn't always express that. But yeah. So you also handle, you're kind of the front line at the center. So my wife works,

she works full time for the center, full time and you kind of run the place really. But you get all the emails and you've been doing kind of front line emails for me with Theology in Iran, even just my website and stuff for a while now so you get the pros and the cons what's that like uh running it or well just getting the getting the yeah i mean you get some amazing emails and then which which can be encouraging but you also get the yeah just i don't know if you guys

know but like would you guys send in a a critique or whatever like you're the one that gets to read that well that's i just told you before coming down here i was i said i don't think i want to be on theology on the raw open myself up to all the criticism i'm like i'm gonna be the one getting it and i'm like that was me um no it's one getting it. And I'm like, that was me. No, it's, yeah, there's pros and cons. I think there's been different seasons where I've had to pass it on to somebody else to respond. And, you know, kind of sometimes it's a little too heavy and not something that I care to read or think too deeply about. And other times, I mean, I think I'm good at my job. So in a sense, help, like when I think maybe eight days, eight years ago when I, you were sinking and I was like, you need help. And then I was like, well, I don't want anybody

else helping you that intimately, like with like knowing all your schedule, knowing everything, talking to you so much. So I said, well, let me, let me take over and handle some of the things. And, um, and so I think that was, um, what kind of sparked it and, you know, so it's been good too. Cause I know other people that like do a lot of traveling and speaking, it can be, that can become a bone of contention in the marriage. And I think we had that early on a little bit, like if I was taking on too much and when i was making all those decisions that was you know difficult but now i mean you basically don't so you could come to me and say hey i think here's some things you should do and um and so it's never like me saying no i'm going here it's you say no i i think you should go do this so um because it's hard to make those it's hard to make

those decisions you know um but yeah the center said i mean yeah it's seeing all all of that all of those emails can be really challenging i would say i mean would you say that what percentage would you say the emails you get they come in would be like positive and versus the critiques i mean is it far outweigh or um i think it depends i always know when you put out like something, maybe they're a blogger, you know, then it's like, it'll be, you know, 50-50. If not, we get a lot of positive feedback.

I mean, I think people that don't like us probably just write us off and just, you know. So yeah, I think it's, it depends. Yeah. Do you, have you, cause I think in the past the criticism was hard, right? Yeah. Like, yeah. Criticizing your husband or whatever.

Do you get kind of numb to it now? No, I just don't. I don't really read those too much. I kind of like skim it a little bit and just think if it's something you need to respond to do. And if not, you know. Yeah. So. Yeah.

Yeah. That's tough. Tough balance. All right. Let's talk about school. yeah yeah that's tough tough balance all right let's talk about school uh we had let's see our oldest went to public school for like a year and a half what kindergarten through half of first grade oh yeah right probably don't remember that yeah well i've been then everybody's gone to school for a year public school a year to a year and a half just tried it in in more in their

middle school i guess cody was elementary jesse was elementary so tried it everyone wanted to see what was on the other side of the fence what do they do over there but then yeah so we've homeschooled for the most part um and then wanted to come back yeah our kids wanted like nobody wanted to go back so it works i think we have a really fun life. So I think at the end of the day when they go to school and sit at a desk all day, it's like, I could be doing that or I could be doing the things that, you know. So I've always been a mom that plans a ton of things. I love life.

I love doing lots of things. So we're always doing stuff. So I think that was just sitting at a desk and none of them cared too much for it. Yeah. Yeah. The times they've gone to school, they've, yeah, they realize how kind of it's not all wasted time, but there's a lot of wasted time. And at least their public school experience, they're kind of like, man, I was gone all day and half the kids were just on their phones or like the assignment, you know,

just, it just seemed like a lot of wasted time. And I feel like our kids have like any, like they appreciate if like they want to get a lot done during the day. Yeah. Right. Like they're efficient. Everyone has their own hobbies and things that they're passionate about and

love to do. And so I've always, I've always, um, I, I feel like as parents, our job is to set them our kids up for success and we set them up to just like not only just take like leave the coop

but like fly out of the coop so I think early on I've always I've every year of like what do you want to learn this year what do you want to what are you passionate about what do you want to study what do you want to whether it's music whether it's art or dancing or you know um and not just only creatives but like even uh like cooking history of you know egypt i know kaylee was so passionate about egypt for many years and we just um just did so many different i and i would try to gear education around that and like whatever somebody wanted to do. So I feel like everyone has all of their passions, all the things that they love to do.

We wake up in the morning and everyone has a list of all the things they want to accomplish. Two of them are doing a music video right now and teaching lessons. And I've always taught them to make money. And so we figure out a way to make money from the time they were little little whether it was making little baked goods and going around the neighborhood and selling them where they had an egg business they had um kaylee was teaching horse lessons at 12 we had a horse and she would get all the neighborhood kids and put them on a horse and and so i feel like with that i think it's it's really um fulfilled a lot of like things that, you know, going to school, they wouldn't have been able to do all those things. So, yeah.

So I think it's worked for us and we travel a lot. You always bring a kid with you somewhere and then we try to plan different things in between those things. So, yeah, I feel like just education, like I, I'm passionate about, here you go. Here's a little passion. I hate the thought of a bored teenager. I just think that is just insane. No teenager should be bored. And if they're bored, it's because they're not like doing something that they're like excited about. Like for a teenager, the whole world is open. Like they finally just get these freedoms. Maybe they're like excited about. Like for a teenager, the whole world is open. Like they finally just get these freedoms.

Maybe they're driving. Maybe they're like able to be a little more independent. And so to just be sitting at home and not doing anything and so bored, it's like they just haven't found something that like wants to make them get up in the morning. And so from the time they were little, I think I've instilled that in that. Like what do you want to do tomorrow morning like when you wake up and and to me i just feel like the sky's the limit like anything you want to be the best bass guitar player great let's find you teachers let's like let's try to give you put give you the tools so that you can um just enjoy life succeed and feel confident in

in certain things and so um i think i think yeah so i don't know yeah that's good why do you think this the school question is so like volatile like i i feel like if if i don't know like like if we say like oh we homeschool our kids some people that public school feel like might feel threatened or Christian school or whatever. I think everybody has an opinion about everything and to a fault. I think for me, I love what we do. I stand behind with it. If I were to redo it, I wouldn't change one thing. We've done all different things.

I mean, we've put our kids in co-ops.'ve always been in classes so it's not like they're just sitting home all day long i mean they have they're always in fact we do like we're moving around they're always in a like either in a sport or in a um classes i mean you can go to the school and take a science class or different things we've tried all everything honestly like no um and well the only thing we haven't tried is a full-time christian school yeah yeah it's true but but um i think everyone's just opinionated because of like what they do and what they see and i'm really passionate about what we do but everyone can do what works for them, like our life does not work for everybody else. And some moms wouldn't like to be home with their kids all day long. Like be the teacher, be the mom, be the everything. I happen to like, love that.

I loved teaching them things. Like I, whatever I was excited about, whatever I wanted to learn. I was like, I wanted to teach that. And that's, you know, so I don't, I don't, I don't know. I don't think people should be opinionated about that opinion about what I do and I don't feel that opinionated about what you do as long as it works like as long as everyone's like happy and it like what doesn't what's not good is people are miserable and so then it's like well that's not working like everyone needs to be really not

that every moment of your decisions are super happy i mean i had plenty of school homeschool days where it's like i don't think i'm doing a good job um but you also know people feel like that in the school systems and you know teachers feel like that students feel like that in in all different things so as long as it works and and i would say the majority of like maybe 80 percent is like good and works for everybody then just do that so whether it's if it's public school for you and the kids are thriving great you i mean we have kids yeah we're friends good friends whose kids are in the public school system and they thrive and they're they're like such a witness and they are so like and they're not influenced and i'm so glad for that

and so i don't think they should do anything different and others you know we have we have friends all across the board that do everything and and so yeah so as long as it works and by works it's like the main job a parent has as christian parent has is to disciple your kids yeah like you and the the family we're thinking of that their kids are in public school they've all gone through and they're just amazing they're amazing they they are some of the most intentional parents I've ever met with their kids. It depends. It depends on each kid. It depends if you have boys and girls and what their personalities are.

I love to study people. I love to study kids. I love to really understand, get inside their brains try and understand like why they do certain things and and so um i feel like it's like you have to take case by case and yeah um you know and and i mean but i i feel like we the other thing i i feel passionate about is that you know god has put you in charge of your kids if you have kids he's put you in charge of their lives for 18 years. Like if like they are yours in a sense exclusively until they leave the home. And I think that we as parents need to take that really seriously and not give up on that. And so I feel like I've always told my kids because they homeschool, they can get done early. Like they like they're online like our second she could finish a

year early if she wants to um just because she works fast it's she you know gets her work done and done by like 10 and stuff but i always said but you're not leaving the home because like you just get to do what you want if you want to like go do a nine month masseuse uh like degree and become a masseuse or if you want to go do hair or if you want to learn something you want to like go do a nine month masseuse uh like degree and become a masseuse or if you want to go do hair or if you want to learn something you want to go learn a language we can like like maybe try to you know get you in language school or maybe go to a country and make for a period of time and do it like whatever it is like just to excel you in life and have you enjoy but like but you're not like just like hitting the road early because um and

thankfully they like love us and they don't they're like fine with that they don't want to leave early um but i i feel like we have 18 years like i was a missionary kid and uh i saw a lot of our missionary friends whose parents would send them to black forest academy or you know boarding school and that was always really hard for me because I was like, your parents should be your most influential, like people in your life. And as parents, we want to be the most, the people that is walking through life with their kids. And that's it day in and day out being a part of that, because once they leave at 18, they don't have to come back. They don't have to ask you for anything but until then you we have we have them in our hands so i

take that really seriously and enjoy it and i enjoy every minute of it of like not that things aren't hard but i i really i i especially with our oldest leaving i'm like 18 years goes by so fast. And then you and I have the next 60 plus years. What are we going to do then, Chris? Just together. And so I don't want to miss one minute, really, in a sense of those years with them. So you mentioned that our kids actually like us. I think that's true.

I mean, I think. Well, we're going to have them. We might do something. We might have them come on Theology in the Raw without us. And we're not allowed to listen to what they say. We can ask. People can ask them questions. And, you know, so we'll be able to.

But we think they do. We think they do. Yeah, maybe they're lying. But let's assume that they actually do. What advice would maybe describe, as as you reflect on what you have done to cultivate well what we have done to cultivate that and what because i know there's gonna be some parents listening saying man yeah my kid used to like me but then they turned 16 or they got a boyfriend or girlfriend or we just lost connection like so i know that could pretty yeah like as we reflect on like what

advice maybe maybe especially to a younger parent whose kid is you know 10 11 12 and like man how do i maintain that kind of strong bond do you have any thoughts on that i do actually so well i feel like there's a couple things i i have friends who say my kids are not my friends until they are 18 plus. They're not my friends. I'm the mom. They're the parents. And we're not friends. And then I have others that are like, oh, we're totally friends.

And I would fall more on the friend side. And I feel like if we err a little bit, sometimes they've said to me like like, like, mom, be a mom. And I'm like, you're right. Like, totally. That's good. So I mean, none of us do anything perfectly. So you have to cut it in life, you kind of have to see, well, what do I do best at? And then like, or what do I want to do be best at? And then kind of there'll be errors in there. So I don't do it perfectly. But my that's not my personality, too. Like my personality is i the people in my life i like it to be like just easy and fun and enjoyable and i like to enjoy time with them and so i it's been like that for me with parenting i would say in the early years it's a lot more discipline it's just

first time obedience hey i told you do that you didn't do it you know like early on to like five six seven years old and so that was I remember thinking that was harder for me because I'm more the type like that wants to like talk about and say well why would you have done that like that doesn't make you know but when they're four it's kind of like four yeah they don't know but that's why their later years here it works a little bit better because we really analyze it through like what was going through your mind when you actually did that and so i feel like i fall more on the side of like i i am friend like my girls and i mean not that not cody but um he's still 12 so it's different but my girls like are my favorite people to just spend the time with we laugh we have so like so much fun sometimes i i do feel like i'm just one of them and that's where

i have to find the balance of like um you know like they do need a parent and so i i definitely i mean i think you do that myself a little bit i mean i definitely parent them but i think just in the conversations it's a lot more like yeah um i think you do that with cody too though don't you i mean yeah he's younger but i mean yeah every night. Yeah, you wrestle with him more. Every night, he's like, I just want to wrestle you, Mom. I'm like, let's go. Bring it. Now he's starting to get strong.

Oh, he hurt me so bad the other day. I was like, actually, this morning, he poked me so bad, my arm. Anyways, but he, so anyways, all that to say, I think earlier on, it was definitely like more discipline. And we and we were strict. I mean, it was like, hey, when you meet somebody, you look them in the eye and give them a big hug and say hi. And if you don't, you're going to get in trouble. Like we had a very high standard of like because I always I knew I want people to like my kids. Yeah.

If they don't like our kids, they're not going to like us. Like I have people that I'm like, I don't like being around your kid and I can't invite you over because it bothers me so bad. So we were very much like, you know, our kids have to be enjoyable. They have to be respectful. I mean, a disrespectful kid. No, no, no adults want to be around them. So strict with that. But I feel like as it's gotten like where we talk a lot more i think that there's

just a lot more of a friendship of just um i love to have fun like right i mean it's like if my life isn't filled with fun then i just get so down so having uh creating that with within the home and and i did that from the beginning we would i would look at my week and i'd be like okay we're gonna go we're gonna pack a picnic we're gonna uh jump in the river here we're gonna you know i just plan out fun things that make the kids so excited to um for the week for the day for being with us and even like on our family vacations like i mean right i just like plan so many fun things that it's like you wouldn't want to miss one of these trips. So I think I think that I think I mean, yeah, I mean, our hope is that our kids do want to come back right after they leave the home that they're not like, oh, I don't want to go home and see my parents or, you know, that they would want to like not miss that.

And so I think and I'm I'm like, we talk about everything in our family, right? We're, like, so open. Like, I mean, so open to where. Can you give an example of, like, what does that look like? Every conversation is just a normal conversation. Like, anything from sex to. Sex. No, it's all they want to know. Yeah, just any, yeah, any conversations, it's just, it's all they want to know uh yeah just any yeah any conversations it's just it's flows

it's just like i'll be cooking the last like deep questions and so it's um i think that just having an open line of communication that hey you don't have to like be all formal with your parents and have to like have a conversation like oh i can't tell my i gotta tell my parents tonight it's more they'll come home from like, you know, the girls just went to a dance the other night and they jump in the car and tell me every single thing about how this boy did this, you know. And so I think we've, I've just tried to establish that

of just like, hey, there's no shame. Like, nothing you tell me, like, you're not in trouble for telling me anything. It's like, if we need to like talk through something, we will. But just by telling me is not going to get you in trouble so concretely though how did you foster that are you saying like you initiated earlier on those kind of just really open conversations like so that talking about personal stuff isn't a big it's it's just not personal it's just it's just talking you can talk about whatever yeah just ask any question at any point and just yeah very natural and and conversational yeah i think that i've heard someone say it's better to have right a hundred one minute conversations about sex than

one hundred minute conversation i think it was jason social night right yeah um but yeah i feel like would you would that accurately describe kind of your yeah without even really i don't think you really we didn't really talk about this or we just kind of yeah it's an outflow i think of who we are just kind of more open and and even with me and cody like i feel like i just can't like anything that could possibly be embarrassing or anything i just just ask me like and then just say hey don't worry so many other kids or boys or teenagers or you know they're the same just like you just kind of just make things so that um i just don't want to ever have like formal conversations because that instantly puts everyone's guards up and everyone's

just like oh you know so so yeah i mean sometimes it's heated and we all say things i mean sometimes the girls will just go back and forth and preston'll be like okay stop yeah we need to like reboot let's start again and then it's like okay let's start you know so um yeah on the friendship side so what it's one of the challenges is like i feel like our kids because everything's so open and honest and everything like they're not afraid to share their opinions or like right like when we grow up we constantly say oh that would never fly when we were kids yeah you can't say or have a voice into like hey what do you want to do this weekend and you're gonna have so many opinions and this that and everything so i feel like yeah that's that's a good because i yeah they do they tell us stuff i mean they bid it but in our business and like tell like, you know, just tell me things I should do or shouldn't do.

And so, again, I think I've there's been times where I've been like super offended. I'd be like, hey, don't talk to me that way or anything. And I think what I've I've realized is like, OK, we're all going to like err on one side. Anytime you go down one road, you kind of err on one side or the other at different points. So there will be times. And so there'll be times like hey that's super disrespectful don't talk to me that way and then they'll i feel like for the most part they're like yeah sorry or yeah i get that or you know um so yeah i think yeah it's never gonna go perfect but i would much rather that than the opposite of like feeling like they can't share anything and they can't talk about certain things and that we're like you know that they have to i

don't i that they have to talk to their friends about things and not us you know so because that in our generation it was more the authoritarian right like there's all kinds of stuff like oh i would never well and i think we've talked about the different generations where we've our generation now has swung so much to where you know it'll be interesting to see what our kids their generation is going to look like in their parenting because i feel like our ours was authoritative and it was just like discipline and and tell us like like really teach us about life you know teach it on paper you teach about life and black and white everything's black and white here's right right, here's wrong. Our generation goes, well, we'll teach you about life, just doing it with you.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. And then somehow their generation, it's going to be interesting to see. We've talked a lot about like what our kids, how they think they're going to parent. Obviously, it's so young. They don't have, they're not married yet. But it'll be interesting to see where they, because they'll change.

They'll like maybe go a little bit more in the middle or. Yeah. Yeah. to see where they because they'll change they'll like maybe go a little bit more in the middle or yeah yeah because each parenting style is kind of a reaction yeah against some of the errors of their parenting like i just coming down super strong our kids i have like get like anxiety thinking about that so it's like i can't be like that like just just like this is the way it is don't ask questions you know it's like that just i can't uh i can't be like that so then i go the other way like well i was thinking i don't know i could be wrong you know and um i want yeah i wonder what what what in our parenting in our both you and i but also our generation of parenting is going to be the thing or that our kids didn't like that they're going to correct you know like it's a little hard to think about like what am I doing now that our kids are going to say oh I'm definitely not going to do

that when I'm a parent yeah well it's interesting our kids have said this to me recently that they feel like they had two different types of moms and it's interesting that they would remember this but they said they remember me when they were younger a really a lot more strict and you know and then now they feel like i'm not strict and really oh yeah they were just saying that and at first i was like they they said you just you're totally different person and they're like and they said they almost remember the time when there was like a shift over and and without like not that i like literally wrote it out on paper but yeah i felt like in the younger years you have to gain they have to like obey like they just like go get your shoes on like we're leaving and if they're going to argue about why they should get their shoes on it's just not going

our family's not going to work so i think there was a lot more like this because i just told you don't don't ask again just go do it and then we can talk about it later but you know yeah and but then i remember like once we had that established of like yeah our kids obey us like in general like there's obedience um then i felt like i was able to move into like the next stage of just like um yeah does that bother you that i said that or how you know like be able to talk through or them saying like i don't like how you said that and it's like okay let's let me explain to you why and you know that kind of thing um so but it's interesting they've said well that they felt like they had two different moms and i'm like i could see how you could feel that and and see that that's not necessarily a bad thing you're saying

i mean no i i would redo the same thing. I mean, I feel like there needs to, I mean, I see a lot of three-year-olds that are just so unruly and it's like, you can see the parents, they just hate being around their kids. I mean, it's just like, it's so hard to be around them when they're just, it's not, it doesn't flow. How do you, because I'm sure people are listening and they're like, that's my three-year-old. Like, what advice would you give to, because we give to – because our kids growing up, some were super compliant. Some were super – like took a long time to get over.

So it's not like our kids just naturally – and we were around kids' families where – Okay, so the Doddsons. I know what you're going to say. We love the Doddsons. Shout out to Joey Dodson and Sadie Dodson. You don't tell the story. Okay, this is hilarious. They have kids that are maybe, you know, several years.

They're like three years older than ours. Yeah, like the oldest is like three or four years older than our oldest. And I would say we have even seen their personalities now. Really strong personalities out of all of our kids. All of them. Leaders and strong. Our kids. Our kids.

Yeah, yeah. And so from younger, just so much, like just so much commotion, so much like, you know, really difficult on some stages with some kids and other ones like easy. And their kids, so we're in Scotland and they were doing phd you and joey and i remember we were putting all our kids to bed we were trying to hang out in the evenings and we had our rooms and us to get our kids to bed and quiet it was a chore almost every like it wasn't like so much talking and talking and everyone has a bathroom and everyone has to get a drink and you know just just a lot to where when you finally go to bed, you're just like, oh, my gosh.

Well, Joey and Sadie are in the other room. And they do a little quick goodnight, a little quick prayer. And we walk by their rooms. Ours is, like, chaotic. Theirs is, like, quiet. With the lights on. All four of their kids in one queen-size bed. Right next to each other.

So ours, we have to, like, separate them because you know they're going to be like fighting and everything. Right next to each other, lights on, fully asleep, not even moved. Or even if they weren't asleep, their eyes were just laying there like they're going to sleep. And I was like, what did you do? I was like, and he's like, nothing, just kissed him goodnight. You put him to bed.

Well, how did you get to this point? You know, we're like sweating and just trying to like get through the night. And I'm like, what did you do to get through this? And literally Joey's answer, love you, Joey. But he's like, we just told them that this is the way it goes. That they just need to go to bed. And I was like, you just told them that they need to go to bed? As if I never told our kids to go to bed and i was like you just told them that they need to go to bed as if i never told our kids to go to bed and he's like they just did and it so i still forever remember that it was like is you know that's why you have to be so careful and like telling like

this is the way it works nothing works for any what works for you does not work for somebody else um they just you know they had easy kids i don't know they just or even like driving too like going across town sometimes with so i'm not gonna out throw any of my kids under the bus necessarily but sometimes driving across town if it was more than 15 minutes so much we couldn't get we just it was so much they just had to get out and i need and and other kids and doesn't it make sense that our kids i mean our kids are have a lot of energy It was so much. They just had to get out. But now we fast forward. Doesn't it make sense that our kids... I mean, our kids have a lot of energy.

It's like they're you and me put together. Yeah. You know? And so it's like... But other people, they drive for hours, and the kids are staring out the window. I'm like, how do they just stare out the window? It's crazy. So I would say Cody was like that.

Yeah. He was that kid where it's like he would get in his, yeah, he would get in his car seat and just kind of sit there and. Like, yeah, we tell him, all right, go to bed. He's asleep. Everyone else is still doing stuff and talking and maybe getting a big discussion. And, and he's just like, you know, he's just a. So how do you, how do you, let's go back to that parent who maybe has that kid who is

unruly, who's disrespectful, you know, they're just difficult. Okay. How do you, how do you address that? Like, what do you do? Well, I think something I don't know, because not knowing the person and the way like life is, I mean, it's like, there's so many factors. It's like the immediately go through my mind of like, let me see your life. But I would say like, you got to pour even deep, heavier into it.

I mean, I feel like we've had even seasons, right, like, recently with our teenagers where it's, like, there's, like, maybe some things that are not in order, not in check. And it's, like, then we're all in. Like, instead of, like, I think temptation is to like oh my gosh send them off to camp do something just get away like kind of like and for me i just think like just dig deeper spend more time like like really establish just a deeper relationship and so it's hard to kind of know like a three-year-old but but i would say putting them in a daycare is not the thing to do

at that time you know i mean that's my like so like dig in deeper and and there's so much trial and error like some things work one time and it doesn't work again and so it's not easy but i feel like it's like keep pressing on like and and go full force. Or treat it like a really high priority, right? Yeah. Or even like, for example, going to this grocery store with little kids can be a nightmare, right? But if you're like, I've got an hour to go to the store, come back. And if your kid starts doing a tantrum in the store

and you're rushed and everything, that's going to be difficult. But if you say, I need to go to the the store my kids are probably going to be really difficult i need to carve out two hours because i might have to yeah remove them from the store or do something or spend time or because you don't yeah you don't want kids doing tantrums prepared for what's to come right so i would like yeah maybe hey we'll get some french bread when we get to the store and you can nibble on some french bread while we're in the store. You know, try to mitigate some of the bribing. But if there's a balance between bribing and just making helping them succeed. Right. So if you have a kid that's super fidgety, well, you give them something to fidget on.

And so if you have that mindset of like of just, yeah, help them succeed. So whatever that looks like and and, and what I'm now seeing on this end, everything's for a stage, okay, you're not going to have a 14 year old, it's just so much in a store. I mean, it's like, maybe, but most of the time, it's like they mellow out or they, you know, so I think just seeing like, it's just a small stage, you're you're you have little kids that are uh just wild okay how can we help them succeed for this one time it's hard because it's there is a fine well there's a balance between kids growing out of certain things or certain habits just translate differently as

they go a little get older for instance i'm a kid who is allowed to kind of just throw a tantrum whenever he wants to get his way that's gonna i think it's gonna translate when he's a teenager he's gonna know he's gonna have patterns built in saying i just need to throw a tantrum in my own 14 way now and i'm gonna get my way and but that's it's not gonna work in the real world so it's like you're setting them up for failure but i think there are there are certain things they do grow out of like just watch this this this youtube or this clip or whatever this guy his kid was throwing a tantrum in the store and uh screaming because she wanted something and he just picks her up and leaves his stuff there and walks her out and he puts her on

puts her on top of his hood and just sits right next to her and she is just screaming six minutes like the video is like he's like i'm just gonna sit here and just on the hood of the car tire out yeah like you know hood of the car just sitting there and then all of a sudden she's so tired and stuff and she starts like stopping you know and stuff and he's like are you done and she's like when he goes all right let's go back in and literally that's what he did. And he went back in. And I was like, well. Is that good?

Do you think that's like letter? I mean, it's one. Again, I feel like there's different. I don't know what all he's tried in different times, right? Maybe he's tried so many things. And then I just was like, well, I mean, she didn't win. She didn't get what she wanted. Oh, because she was wanting didn't let, she didn't win. She didn't get what she wanted. Oh, because she was wanting something.

Yeah, she was wanting something and she was ruining his time. And then he's like, it didn't ruin his time shopping and it ruined, like, so I feel like, you know what? He showed her he's the boss. Like, he controlled her. He brought her out. And then when she was done, he brought her back in. he brought her out and then when she was done he brought her back in and so like that's the ultimate goal to try to try to teach that kid that throwing a tantrum is not going to get what you want like in just in life just because you want something doesn't mean you are going to get

it especially if you act in obnoxious right and he said that he said he said we don't act like that in the store okay and she's like okay and he, so we're going back in, but you can't do that, okay? And she's like, okay. But you watched all six minutes of the girls screaming? I think he said it like one minute later or something, you know? Talk about anxiety. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

Oh, totally. My heart was pounding for him because it's, you know. But I think, and that's the thing in parenting. You try all those things. I mean, I feel like we've tried so many things. And then it's like there's not one thing that works. There's a lot of frustrating moments or moments where you just feel like a failure. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's just not working. But the goal is 18 years that they want to come back and that they are happily leaving. Not that they're happy to leave, but that they're leaving feeling successful to conquer the world and what they're happy to leave but that they're leaving feeling like successful and that to conquer the world and what they're gonna face is that kind of a goal you have like a motivation like what can i be doing now that when they're out of the house they will want to come back is that oh yeah i want them to come back where'd you get that from you just kind of i don't know you don't read a ton of parenting books anymore do you i mean so this is just kind of trial and error stuff yeah thought of yeah huh wow empty nesters in a few years don't talk about it no i think i mean i know you're gonna be super sad i i think i'm gonna be a wreck even though like i'm

you know not around as much as you are you know know, but yeah, I don't know. I just can't imagine waking up with you like a quiet house. Yeah. I mean, I think we'll, we'll stay busy. We're not going to be ones to just. Yeah. You still going to like me? Yes. I mean, that's where, I mean, that, that's okay.

So everything you're saying about pointing to your kids and focusing on kids, but is there a potential that could backfire on the marriage haven't we heard that like for 18 years your life is well for the last couple years we it's been on our radar right yeah we say to each other a lot like hey like we go on dates and we do like um i mean we love being with our kids so when we go on vacations we're all together that kind of stuff but i it's on our radar to be like like i don't want our kids to be stressed out about us like that if we're bored or if we like we have to really like each other in order for our kids to really like us like if they see contention in our in our marriage or that we don't like us that's

gonna throw the whole family dynamics off and they won't want to so like there's motivation that so i mean it's not hard for me i will say i mean i mean, I like, like, you know, you're a fun person. Used to be. Give me a little shout out. Used to be a lot funner. Like, I love being around you. Like, we laugh. We have so much fun.

And so I think we just, it's been on our radar for the last couple years of like, hey, as our kids are leaving, we got to make sure that they are also seeing that we really still like each other the whole world is not just them that is a big vote i mean because like you said a huge part of your day every day has been yeah involved with your kids thinking about it and that's gonna be i think that'll be the transition of that'll be hard to be like well like no one needs me anymore you know but i think um we'll we'll figure that out and yeah it already changes with teenagers like that i mean the other like a couple weeks ago i was like like in the past it was like i was like hey today we're gonna do this now it's like hey does anybody want to go do this and people be like nah and so then it's different and so i'm already feeling like yeah it's not as

much i i don't have all the time that I had before with them. And so I'm starting to have my own. Like I'm starting to take up pottery. Pottery. That's right. It's just things that it's like that I enjoy. I just picture the movie Ghost whenever I think of pottery. Pottery.

Oh, wait. Was that a racy scene? I forget. He didn't have sex with the ghost, did he? Wait the ghost no i think it's a scene that i think that was the christian hubbub like oh like a no-no kind of like the harry potter of yeah oh man what uh okay what what how much how long have we gone i can't see okay we got a few more minutes. Discipling your kids. I get this question a lot.

I had somebody ask me, one of my Patreon supporters, what do you do? Can you recommend a good devotional material for you and your kids or whatever? And I said, well, we've kind of tried the kind of more regimen, like more the, it just doesn't really, I don't know, it doesn't really flow with our family dynamic. So I feel like, and i'm not saying this like here's the way to do it or even if we that we've done it right but it seems like it's kind of woven throughout the day and normal life we have done seasons i mean last fall we were getting up and reading the bible together as a family we haven't done that in a while.

Our older kids, thank God, truly thank God that they have like an independent kind of rhythm that they're, you know, comes in seasons. But they are going through studies and reading their Bible and praying and stuff. So they have kind of a more of an independent faith journey now. But I still do miss those family times it's just so hard practically well yeah like i don't know kids and they went to bed at 7 30 i mean we were so faith we'd read the bible every night with them and pray and now just our schedules just don't i mean doesn't work that way with you know people are working and coming and going and stuff and so i think there's just different see i think you just have to look at different seasons for different things so to just say like every morning we're gonna wake up at this time and do devotions together it's like well maybe that works maybe

doesn't maybe one if one kid has a job that they work till midnight every night waking up at six is a nightmare like for them you know so it doesn't work for that so you just constantly reevaluate i think that's where i i probably do a good job in our marriage and in our family of like reevaluating like even in our marriage like if if sometimes we're in a season where we don't get a lot of one-on-one time and it's okay but then we're gonna like look at the next season and make sure we plan that in so i think we i've done i've done little um you know like six week things with my girls. Um, and just said just six weeks, we're going to, you know, Monday, like a Monday night or something, just kind of,

if we weren't in like a Bible study or something like that, or other times, it's just, I've always said like, Hey, like tomorrow morning, let's wake up. I don't want to pray with you. And just, you know, and, and more individual time with that. And so I think it's just just keeping it. It's going to look different all the time. And just making sure that you're and you're really good at like taking them out for chips and salsa and just talking about anything they want to talk about the Bible, if they have questions. And so it's more just like just flowing in their conversations. So it's like, you know. Well, Josie has an ongoing list of the hardest theological questions.

She's satisfied. She starts feeling like I need to go to chips and salsa, Dad. Yeah, I know. And that's kind of like your part with them, where it's like I probably pray more with them about life things. And it works. It's great. I'm not able to do what you do.

And you aren't necessarily able to do what I do. So it works. Yeah. And I like chips and salsa. Well, Chris, we should wrap it up. Thanks for coming on Theology in Raw. How do you feel? Great. Yeah. Whatever negative coming on Theology in Raw. How do you feel? Great.

Yeah. Whatever negative comments you have, keep them. I don't want to read them. You can send them to me. I'm not perfect. And I know it. So I don't need to hear it. That's the raw part.

Right? That's the part that is like I would say to you off the air. Yeah. I don't need to hear it yeah it's yeah i mean if you do anything public you're it's like of course you're gonna get criticism right that's just the more you do write something say something whatever public i mean some human is gonna disagree and it is what it is you know and you listen to the you listen to what you can try to improve be humble and but you can't just pay attention to every little criticism that every person has you just

can't and on the flip side let's all not be so opinionated just hold your comments a little bit if everyone held back half of their comments i think we would have a better life i i am impressed with the the tone of at least some of the criticism i get they're often like and sometimes on social media i'll see you know somebody say yeah such a great job you know but i i don't agree with that that's totally fine yeah that's the thing is you've always been like nobody has to agree with me 100 i don't even agree with respect each other let's be kind let's realize we're all right like walking towards Christ and trying to figure this out. Right.

Yeah. In that, we're just going to look different and messy sometimes. Absolutely. Thanks for coming on Theology in the Raw. Sweetie, I'll see you later. Okay. Thank you.