Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 01: Bejeweled

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

Your session begins now. Tell Me What's Wrong at passthatpuss.com Follow Bejewels @juliamervis Follow ME! Instagram: @passthatpuss TikTok: @octopusslover8 Listen to "THERAPUSS" Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1BHDdC0OVuHqZ706FobfOF Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapuss-with-jake-shane/id1723626781 Amazon Podcasts: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/93117357-1f23-46e1-8f26-88f5182a68b8/therapuss-with-jake-shane YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@octopusslover8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, Pussies, and welcome to the very first episode of Therapus, where we give you quality care from unqualified experts. The idea for this podcast started when I did my, if you remember, my tell me what's wrongs on my Instagram story. And those started because I struggle with a lot of anxiety myself. And I, like, ran through therapists when I was younger, like ran through them. Like, I just wasn't listening to anyone. Like, none of them were really funny. Like, none of them were really getting me. And I was thinking, like, what if I started to give advice?

Oh, I have to say this before we begin. I'm obviously not a legit doctor, so, like, I can't be like this is actual advice. I mean, like, I haven't really tested out the legalities of this or anything, but like, I'm just like telling you now, like, I'm not, I don't have a PhD in this, which you guys obviously know, all these certificates from Puss University are fake. If you guys haven't noticed already on my website, there's a tell me what's wrong feature. and I'm going to be using those submissions in Therapus, live in action with me and all my guests, which will be awesome. Yeah, you know,

I was planning on sitting here and talking to you guys for like a solid 10 minutes, but I honestly really don't know what to say. I'm staring at my girl Bajoules because she is the very first guest of Therapest. So why don't we just welcome her in right now. please give a warm round of applause with all your wettest tentacles to my girl, Julia Mervis. Hi, Bajoules. We call Jules Bajoules because for her 22nd birthday, was that your 22nd or your 23rd? Your 23rd birthday, we had about three different parties for her.

One was Vampire Diaries themed and another was Bajoules themed from the Taylor Swift song. So she's Bajoules. Wait, are we not head phooning? We can. Like I kind of want to. Okay. Julie likes the sound of her own voice. Well.

Well. Okay. It also just like, admit it looks profash. Yeah, it does. Okay. So let me tell you about how Julia and I met each other. Ah! Ew.

So basically, Julia and I met each other in 11th grade of high school. Okay? We were not the happiest people. At all. At all. At all. We were actually really better. And I...

Wait, pause. Let's introduce... Pause. Let's introduce Pessandra to you guys. My stuffed puss. I bring her absolutely everywhere with me. So I thought, why not bring her to the very first episode of Thera Pust? Oh, and how could I forget?

Your session begins. Now. Okay. Like I was saying, Julie and I were really bitter girls in high school. And we met at a music festival and she was in just a really god-awful mood. Like she did not want to be there. I think I had videos from that festival. I was pissed.

Yeah, you were pissed. Well, I was pissed too. I didn't want to be there. Anywho, then we found out, well, okay. So then we were like friends, obviously because I had like no friends. And I, we were applying to colleges. And Julia really wanted to go to Northwestern. Yeah.

Wait, but backtrack. He, we were at this music festival. I've never seen him in my entire life. Like, like, I had no idea who this small, tiny little boy was. And I get, I'm, like, standing, like, with my arms cross at, like, Ray Stremard or something. Ray Strummered. Yeah, like, in the, um, in the Bacardi tent. Reno.

Ray is not okay. Reno. And I get, Reno. I'm standing with my arms crossed. I'm super pissed. I'm pretty sure it was, like, raining. It was just, it was guv ball. It wasn't raining.

It was just. Okay, well, I was pissed And I get a tab of my shoulder Of this small little boy And he goes, you're pretty. Ew. Absolutely so not. And of course, I was like, period.

Love you. Yeah, and we've been friends ever since. So we were applying to colleges And she wanted to go to Northwestern. She's like, if I don't get into Northwestern, like remove sharp objects. Yeah, like I was like, I don't know. By the way, at this point,

she had already gotten deferred. She didn't get in, but she did get into USC, which was my top choice in which I I also got in to. And I got in beforehand. Like I got my, oh,

and she got him before me. And I called my mom and I said, Julia fucking texted me that she got into USC. I cannot be her friend anymore. Because at the time, I didn't think I got in. Yeah. So anyways.

So it's like a year and a half of friendship in high school, a year and a half. A year and like, yeah, a year and a half. Maybe, like, give or take. Give or take.

And then we're off to California together. And we went through some trials and tributes. Many. Many. We will get into it on the podcast. There was once a fight where Julie and I didn't speak for four months. Two. Two. But the second, one was really my fault. It was pretty bad. Anywho. You know what? Why don't we get into the Tommy What's Wrong? Because that's really the crux of this show. Nolan, can I please? Period. Nolan. So thank you to everyone who submitted. We're really excited to read these. Okay. I see. Okay. I just saw that This can't be real What is it? Bitch, my friend is in a coma

Ah That is so dark I'm like feeling bad for her Wait respectfully Like what would we do If one of us was in a coma I'd sit there and talk to you Wait like I actually don't know what I would do

We would have so much to bill each other And on I hope your friend wakes up I'm really sorry about that You don't have a podcast yet Please make one Nah Oh, okay.

I can't get over this guy I met when I was 19. I'm about to turn 24. He's literally 5, 6. And tears treats me like shit. But I think I'm attracted to that. I need severe help. Well. Well.

Well. Sometimes the guys that treat you like shit end up treating you like a queen. Okay, I'm going to skip this one. The girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with is texting me saying, I don't have a problem with you. Well, like, I literally have a problem with you. Wait, can you repeat it? I'm having trouble understanding that.

The girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with is texting me saying, I don't have a problem with you. Girl my ex-boy. If your boyfriend cheated on you. The girl's texting me? Yeah, texting you, hey, I don't have a problem with you. I'd hit someone. Are they still together?

My ex-boyfriend. No, no, is the girl he cheated on her with still with the boy? You know what? You bring up a great one. I have some follow-up questions. Okay. So when you guys are submitting these questions, as much detail as possible. Yeah, like how are we supposed to help you? Okay.

Well, I would text this girl back. I would text this girl back saying, I have a problem with you. What would you say? You're really good at this. I would respond well, I literally have a problem with you. No, I would respond. I would respond well. You have that sick.

Okay. So if you haven't responded yet, which you probably would by the time this episode airs, you should respond and say, well, or you should say, well, I have a problem with you. Or maybe well. But what about a heart emoji? Ooh.

Film with kindness. I mean, I wouldn't do that. No, a heart sick. A heart sick. You would do a heart. Really? I feel like that's pretty nice. That's like taking the mature road.

You would do a heart. What would you do? I'd probably write L-O-L. No, you get so mad. One thing about Jake is that, when he is really angry. Like when me and Jake fight, and me and Jake fight bad.

Bad. Oh, we fight bad. And when we fight, like, I don't know, I'm usually, like, doing something or like, I'm busy and,

like, all of a sudden we start, we get in a fight. And Jake will text me 45 times until I respond. This is true. So maybe I'm not the right person to ask that. Well.

Well. My best friend is totally abusive. Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. No. Okay, okay, listen.

Listen. Okay. My best friend is totally abusive. I know it's toxic and I need to leave them, but I'm so, fuck. I don't have to read this okay. My best friend is totally abusive. I know it's toxic and I need to leave them,

but I'm so desperate for friends and I hate making people upset. Well, girl, let me tell you I have been there. And so have you. you. Period. You gotta go. Yeah. I'm not knowing the back story, but like, sometimes it takes a few tries before you leave. Yeah, we've had friends, you know, like, it just, it happens. Like, they're going to do something, though, that's really going to fucking piss you off. And like, ADR, I'll do respect, like, one day it'll be funny. So funny. I talk about my ex friends and, like, that's funny. Yeah, like, we all die laughing because they had an intervention with

it. Oh, Julia. This one's said. Okay, go on. My boyfriend posted Taylor Swift, illicit affairs on his story. We've literally been together for a year. What? Fuck. I hate to say I can relate to this one. We were in the car with our friend and her boyfriend. And our friend was like, you guys, the weirdest thing happened the other day.

And we were like, what? And they were like, blank knew every lyric to tis the damn season. And we were like, oh my God. And this boyfriend, by the way, like, does not know. like many Taylor Swift songs like that. Like he's not knowing Tis the damn season. Well, just like Tis the damn season is a very obscure song to know. Like, yeah, you know the words to blank space.

You know the words to style. But like Tis the damn season. No, but he knew it everywhere. He knew it bar for bar. You know it backwards. And so we were like, oh my God. And our friend was like, isn't that so cute? Because we love Tis the damn season.

I looked at our friend and I said, girl, he only knows the lyrics to Tist the damn season because. No, no, no, no. You go, do you know what that song is about? Oh, yeah. And I think it's about going back home and fucking your ex, which actually applied to this person. Yeah. Like really applied.

That one gets home. Anywho, that's, sorry. I mean, like, you should just be like, dude, like, what's up with the theatrics? I know. Yeah. There's theatrics. I don't think your boyfriend's cheating on you because if he posted that and you're, like, questioning if he's cheating on you, like, uh, he probably is.

But like also Sorry like He could just be into the song But like in the our case That wasn't the case Can I just like Side note for this girl for a second Like respectfully like if your boyfriend's posting

Illicit Affairs on a story like is that not giving you the ick? Yeah Anywho Blacked out Yelled at my boyfriend Who isn't my boyfriend Why are you not my boyfriend? You

How do I come back from this? Well Julia did Yeah, many times. Like, every time I drink. You just come, No, Julia, yelled at my boyfriend who isn't my boyfriend. Why are you not my boyfriend?

Yeah, every time I drink, I used to say that. Yeah. So, you basically just kind of have to wake up and pretend it didn't happen. Like, respectfully, like, if you're crazy, like, you're crazy. Like.

Yeah, and he better know what he's getting into. Yeah. Why did you not want to show your true colors? Yeah. Show them early. Yeah. They're there for a reason. Exactly.

And if you show them early, stick around. Well, or they'll leave. My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago and I'm not over it. Thinking of him in love with other girls throwing up on the street. Well, period. Taylor Swift. Well, okay.

Here's my thing. I want to know why he broke up with you, but also like, get over it. Yeah, that sucks. Sorry, that was mean. But like, honestly, no, I know people whose boyfriends came back after two months. So if you're really not over it, he might come back. Okay, here, here. This is the long one.

I signed up for my first half marathon to give myself some purpose, as everyone I know is getting engaged. And I'm a single couch potato. And I told too many people I'm doing it and that I'm in my runner era. And I just can't get myself to train because I'm rewatching Gilmore Girls. And it's so fucking good. And I just have no motivation, but I have to prove to my haters wrong that I can do it. Well, I hate to. I really didn't pick up a word out of that.

Okay. Like that was too much for me She's running a marathon Or she signed up for a half marathon And she told everyone that she signed up for the half marathon But she doesn't want to do it Because she's watching Gilmore Girls and so fucking good But I told I'm just gonna say that

Like you have to do what you've told everyone What do you want your reputation to be tanged? That's literally so embarrassing You're gonna be known as the girl Also respectfully like Why would you sign up for a half marathon? You did this weekend You're walking a half marathon

Okay but that's so different Like me and Kennedy are the only people in town And we're like okay like what else are we gonna do Let's just like walk a half marathon we have nothing else to do. Why would you run? Why would you sign up to run 13 miles? Brett does it.

Well, like, that's on you, girl. Well, the only advice I have to give to this is like you kind of have to figure it out and do it because I would say that she didn't, she wouldn't have to do it if she didn't tell anyone, but she says she told everyone and everyone's going to be like, oh my God, what happened to your half marathon? Yeah, that's dead ass embarrassing. It doesn't sound like she has much else going on.

She says she's re-watching Gilmore Girls and she wants to give herself some time. Yeah, it's dark. I won't lie. Like, you have to do it. If I signed up for a half marathon and I told everyone. You'd walk. I'd walk. What about the last time we went to Barry's?

I left. I looked over at Jake in the floor section and he was like this. I was miserable. I didn't want to go. Okay. I blacked bount. Here's the issue. Julian and Peyton came over.

and they were like, come to berries in the morning. Da-da-da-da-da-da. And I'm like, great, okay. The only issue was Peyton slept over. Okay? So Peyton and I didn't sleep, obviously, because we were talking the whole night. So then I woke up at 6 a.m.

Because they have to go in the office from 9 to 5. And I was like, I'm so tired. I didn't have a pre-workout. Whatever. Anywho, you should probably run that half marathon. Or at least walk it. No one will know if you walk it or run it. Well, aren't people going to come to cheer her on?

That's so much worse Oh my God That's fucked No like seriously imagine if I told every Like imagine if I went through a breakup And I was like okay I'm gonna like prove myself right And like run a half marathon and you told up And you were like let's go

And I literally was walking Well that will be you this weekend But you've prefaced it with that you're walking Well I'm obsessed with a guy who doesn't like me back And I thought would ask me to homecoming Okay so she's obsessed with a guy Who doesn't like her back

And she thought he would ask her to homecoming. Why would you think he would ask you to homecoming if he doesn't like you back? Wait, you sound delusional. Julia. I mean, I'm delusional. That is true. But instead, some girl he doesn't know just because she does sound delusional. But instead, ask some girl he doesn't know just because she's friends with his friend's girlfriend.

Just so they could set her up. No, Ane, I wanted to go with him. Hold on. Wait, these pussies are writing novels. Wait, I'm fucking appreciative so we can fucking figure out what the fuck is going on. Just so they could, I'm obsessed with a guy who doesn't like me back and I thought would ask me to homecoming, but instead ask some girl he doesn't know just because she's friends with his friend's girlfriend. Just so they could set her up. Oh, that's sweet.

No, Wayne, I wanted to go with him. But are you, okay. Are her friends stabbing her in the back? That is, that is a little unclear. Like, why would you pick a girl you never met over a girl you've been. friends with for a year. Well, I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but he's just not that into you. He, and he doesn't, I'm going to say this with fucking love, he knows you're into him. And he's not wanting to give you the wrong idea. And that's what's happening here. And you need to fucking face

facts and accept it. I mean, I have nothing else to add. He doesn't know I like him. Yes, he does. But now I feel like he can use context clues because I left him on delivered after it happened, but I miss our friendship now. Okay, leaving on delivered, like, isn't that powerful? Well, I did the other day, so. Well. Well. I quit my job and everyone at my old job. Is this a new question?

I mean, what else we? Wait, I'm just confused. Like, are we moving on? Why does it truly? Okay. You know what? I'm going to take my headphones off. Maybe make this a little easy going on me.

I got friend zoned. I mean. Sucks. I like dick, sad face. So do I. Well. Okay. Ooh, that one's dark.

Oh, is it? One, read it. We want to put it in, but read it. I'm a brain injury. Yeah, that's dark. You guys, some of these are dark, and I'm really trying to keep this lighthearted, but one of these is, like, really sad.

Okay. She had a brain injury, so. She had to spend the holidays alone. It's horrible. It's so horrible. Okay. I finally met a guy, like, but I'm moving out of the country in a month.

Well, like... Snapchat exists. That does suck, though. I'm feeling bad for her. But what I will tell you, okay? This is coming from someone who has never had a boyfriend. Like, you're about to be able to relate to so many Taylor Swift songs and it's going to be fucking sick for you. Yeah.

What's the one? The very first night. No. I guess you're in New York today. Oh, come back. Be here. Yeah. Are you wearing abroad?

Is she going abroad? I wonder. I wish. I thought you just asked me if I was wearing a bra. I was like. Well, are you? Yeah. Well.

Well, a mouse ran across my bed as I was trying to go to sleep last night. If that fucking happened to me, wait, like seriously, imagine if that happened to me. I'd move out. Well, I mean, we wouldn't move out. Everyone would say I was dramatic, but like. Actually, I wouldn't move out. I don't know why I just said that. I think I was just like automatic brain part of day.

That's fucking disgusting. Rodents are bad. By the way, I didn't want to tell you this. But Alice and I were taking out the trash the other day. Rats. I saw the Snapchat to you too. Yeah. And we opened.

And the... Bin, rat. Yeah. And y'all. Fat rat. Big rat. And I said, I kept saying, Alice's mom says,

we have rats already. She knows we have rats already. I kept saying it. I kept saying it. I was like, CJ's telling us we have rats. CG's telling us we have rats. And everyone was like, stop.

You're so dramatic. We have rats. We do have rats. And that's because I throw out my full ass Chipoli orders in the garbage with no fucking shit around them. I just twas them. Twas some

And I hope that they'll figure it out For the rats They're hungry Ew Okay Three of the people on my current roster Just started hanging out with each other First be grateful you have a fucking roster

Be grateful you have a fucking roster But wait I'm confused Wait continue That's it But three of the people on my current roster Just started hanging out with each other I don't get it What?

Like three of your potential hookups Just started hanging out with each other Yeah, that's so awkward That makes no sense Oh, like they're friends Yeah, they're friends Oh Oh, they're hooking up with all of them

Oh, they're hooking up with all of them Oh, fuck. Yeah Oh my God Imagine the moment when they all found out They definitely already know Now I said when, like as in past tense Fuck

well she said they started hanging out after they were on her roster so you have the people on my current roster you know what i'm gonna take this time to say that i think i have a bit of a roster you kind of do i have a bit of a roster going on let's talk about it in my slut era i am except the difference is like i feel like when i'm hooking up with someone they're doing it as a favor yeah it's super dark of you like but they are no like that's something you should really get over Well, like, seriously, like, that's weird. Well, what am I supposed to do? I don't know, but not that.

Okay. Well, anyhow, I have a little bit of a roster going on. And the thing I do with my roster of these people I speak to is I don't save their number. So do you, like, just memorize their numbers? Like, do you recognize the number patterns for each? You scroll up every time one of them texts you? Yeah. Jake, that's insane.

But I know the area codes if that helps. Like I know if an 8-18 text me, it's . And I know if like a 7-1-whatever text me, it's . And then I know if, who else am I speaking to at the moment? Um, his cousin. Holy fuck you guys. The craziest thing happened. I was in New York.

I was in New York. Period. And I went to a gay club and somehow ended up with this guy. And this is insane This story is insane I don't remember much Okay but I remember being like I'm gonna go with him

Or like whatever apparently was disgusting Wasn't he like cradling you? Yeah and he was telling like Cass and Trudy Like they couldn't come and like whatever And Trudy was like hello Like Trudy's not the one Yeah no But I was like bleat

I was like go guys like I can I can keep my own Like this guy's obviously normal He's wearing like fucking loafers That's what you He was wearing like loafers Like nice ones I don't know, but they were loafers.

And he was like, he was like, oh, he's fine. Okay. And we, oh, my God. It's fine. He was wearing loafers as nuts. Well, it's true. And somehow we ended up at a diner. And he was hand feeding me waffles.

Wait, that I didn't know about. You didn't know about that? No. I refused to eat. That's so skinny of you. Yeah, well. Well. The next thing I know, I woke up in bed with him.

And then I left. No, next thing. you know is Cassidy Brown. My friend Cass called me 73 times. Okay, let me, I'm in bed with him, and I wake up, and I'm like, I blocked out. He was like, add my number to my phone. So I was like, okay. And I added my number to his phone.

I see Cassidy has called me cute 73 times. Like, actually 73 times. And I walked outside. I woke up with like 10 missed calls from Cassidy. I was in another state. I walked outside, and Cassidy and Jelly were standing there like this. outside of this guy's apartment. Cassidy rang the doorbell.

Cassidy started ringing all the doorbells. Of every single apartment. Is Jake Shane here? Is Jake Shane here? They're like, who? Like Cassie, what is happening? Anywho. So I never heard from that guy again.

Okay? Until. Until my friend sent me a, like, I never heard from him again. I actually don't even know his, I didn't know his name. I didn't know what he looked like. I was like, well, I knew what he looked like in my head, like kind of. And I was just like, I would tell everyone the story. No, the best part of this is Jake calls this his one-night stand.

It was my one-night stand. Jake. It was my one-night stand. Okay. She's saying because I didn't have sex with him. Probably because I ate the waffles. Okay, so I never heard from him again. And I was like, what?

Ew. And then I would like tell the story, be like, I had a one-night stand. I had a one-night stand, whatever. Okay. This weekend, I got a text. Hey. It's a selfie of my friend. his cousin

and he says Hey do you remember meeting this handsome fella At Playhouse And I'm looking at him I'm like that is the guy And I remember because he has a little thing tooth Which I thought was like cute And I was like oh that's definitely him

It's giving Damon Yeah it is giving Damon So I texted back And I was like okay like yeah I know your friend's hell me never texted me back So now we're chit chatting back and forth Well he texted me He said

What he said he said I swear to God I tell him texted you, and I responded, well, thank God, God, isn't real. Wait. It was sick. Because he didn't text me. What do you mean you swear to God, you texted me? The text would have gone through then.

I'm 19 and have never had one romantic experience in my life. I'm about to turn 20 and it's really starting to have an impact on my mental health. I feel like a freak. Girl, let me tell you fucking something to make you feel better. I have my first kiss when I was 18 years old in college. Yeah. You had your first boyfriend when you were 22. I still...

Okay. Well. 22. 21. 22. Oh yeah. I guess we started dating when I was 22. 22.

Yeah. And I, and it really, it's honestly still kind of always heavy on my head. And I'm just like, you know what? Everyone has their own path. Everyone has their own path. Fuck, that sucks. I get that. Actually, do you guys want to know about my first kissings?

experience. Do you remember? My first kiss. Oh, was from Grindr. Was from Grindr. And I sucked in my dorm. And he said, thank you. And left.

And left. That was my first kiss. So to make you feel better about it, don't rush into things, girl, because I did. That was sick. Yeah. Okay.

I literally almost just shit myself. Sorry. I literally almost just shit myself standing in line. That's really fucking funny. What about when you did... What? What? What?

When? What, when? What, when? Yeah, you guys, I got really sick in college once tonight. SMP in my pants. SMP. SMP. SMP.

I was walking to the bathroom and I let out a little two. And, you know, it had some friends. And it said, let me come with you. I'll do it. Are we being funny? Really? Because I haven't heard you laugh once. I haven't laughed at you snorted.

You snorted? Yeah. Period. Are we being funny, Nolan? He's cackling. It's kind of hard to make Alice laugh. Huh? Sometimes she doesn't find things funny.

I mean, she finds you funny. I actually have an easy time making everyone laugh. Okay. Okay, so basically I thought my message is... Okay, so basically I thought, I thought my messages weren't sending to my man because he was in another country, but now I think he blocked me. What do I do?

Wait, first of all. You know what? Actually, I'll tell you what to do right fucking now. You have your friend text him. He definitely doesn't have your friend's number. Have your friend text him. If it goes through, he blocked you. If it didn't, he's just in another number.

But wait, sorry, can we just like talk about how insane that is? That would happen to me. Okay, so basically I thought my messages weren't sending to my man, like my man, like my boyfriend. Because I thought he was in another country. Why don't you know where he is? And why would he block you? Well, it doesn't sound like he's your man, to be honest with you. Maybe, like, call him and be like, hey, why aren't my messages sending?

Like, I've been texting you a bunch. Well, I guess if he blocked her the call- If he blocked you and you, if your messages aren't going through, you don't know if he's in the country or out of the country. Like, he doesn't sound like your man. He doesn't sound like your man. ADR, of course. Duh.

Um, okay. I like this guy and he likes me, but he's friends with my ex, but we're literally talking. So literally fuck him. Yeah. Right? That'd be sick. That'd be sick.

I mean, I mean, it would definitely be drama. But like, you know what? Let me be toxic for a second. It would not be drama for you. Because you can be like,

I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I'll give a fuck. It's on him. If he wants to do it and you're talking, fucking do it. Who cares? Who cares?

Yeah. Who cares? Your ex will care, but you won't. I'm not feeling very cunt today. I honestly felt that today. Really? Why?

I don't know. The moon's being weird. I saw you at Renee Rapp and didn't say hi. I regret it for my whole life. Well, let me fucking tell you. T and you. N, you. Tense not up. Well, let me fucking tell you something.

I will be at any Renee Rapp show going forward. So if you see me there, say a quick, what's up? My ex is going on Love Island, Australia. That's sick. First of all, that's T. he's the newest bombshell that got announced today. And he told me before he left that he's going to have to talk on the show about how I slept with his best friend after we broke up. He cheated on me during the relationship, but he obviously won't mention that part.

And he told me I can't go on the internet and talk shit about him. Well, first of all, go on the internet and talk shit. First of all, if he can go on reality television and talk shit, you can go on the internet and talk shit. Why are you giving him so much power? Shit. That's so awkward. Wait, I feel bad for them. Also, like, not to be so rude, but, like, don't you have the ick that your ex-boyfriend's going on Love Island?

Yeah, but he's going to shit-talk her to the entire Australian nation. And I bet you everyone in Australia watches Love Island, Australia. That's true. I bet you it's a thing. That's true. Fuck, that's so awkward. First of all, cease and desist. Sees and desist.

Fucking sue him. If he's... Seasons... Seas and desist. Is that the right... Is that? Yeah, girl, you don't watch Law & Order? I never did, actually.

Of course. How many seasons are there? Like 15. That's a lot of seasons. It's like Grace Anatomy. I stopped after Derek died. Oh, we should start prescribing people things. That is so smart.

Okay. Wait, that's so smart. So for the girlfriend, for the girl whose boyfriend is on Love Island, what I'm going to prescribe for you is Jersey Shore. And let me tell you why I'm going to prescribe you, Jersie Shore. And let me tell you why I'm going to prescribe you, thousand percent you will watch it you've never been so true you will see the way they speak about like their exes or whatever and you'll watch it and you're not going to sit there and really be like

who's their ex who's their ex you're kind of going to move on to the next scene and I think in a sense that it'll almost make you feel better because like you're not going to be anxious that everyone's going to be like thinking what did she say again that like he cheated on her with her with his best He cheated on her, but he's going to say how he slept, how she slept with his best friend. But he cheated on her. But he cheated on her. He's not going to mention that part of that.

Okay, you know what I take back my prescription. I think what you should do is listen to like... I thought Jersey Shore was a great prescription. Yeah, but I think that'll maybe make her more stressed out. Yeah. Okay. What I'm going to prescribe for you, this is a good one. I'm going to prescribe to you Wanda Vision.

And you might be sitting here. Why would you prescribe a Marvel TV show for this situation? Let me tell you. Wanda is technically like a villain. right but she's a bad bitch and everyone loves her so if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend is sitting there telling you you can't go on the internet and talk shit but he's going on national television and talk shit and you need to watch something to make you feel empowered go watch wandavision because she does whatever the fuck she wants and it's sick even if it's the thing that she was told not to do

it's sick and that's what i'm going to prescribe for her sometimes villains eat they always eat snow snow eight snow eight all right should we wrap it off do you want to be done do you have final remarks? Um, well, you guys, I think that's it. For the first round of questions for therapists, for the future, when people are submitting, tell me what's wrongs. I love detail.

Give me detail. I'll also like a name. I would love a name so I can speak to you. It feels more personal. It feels more personal. Um, okay, your session is up. You guys, I'm so fucking sorry. Thank you for tuning into the first episode of therapist with

my girl, Jay Murf. Say, What's up, the jewels? Love you guys. You know where to find me. Octopus Love Orate on TikTok, Pass That Pust on Instagram, Pass That Pust.com to submit a tell me what's wrong. I love you, Pussies,

and I will see you for your next session.