Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 02: Culpa Payton

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

Nothing a little culpa mia can't fix. Tell Me What's Wrong at passthatpuss.com Follow Me! Instagram @passthatpuss TikTok @octopusslover8 Follow Payton & Julia! @juliamervis @paytonpurther Listen to "THERAPUSS" Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1BHDdC0OVuHqZ706FobfOF⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapuss-with-jake-shane/id1723626781⁠ Amazon Podcasts: ⁠https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/93117357-1f23-46e1-8f26-88f5182a68b8/therapuss-with-jake-shane⁠ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@octopusslover8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, Pussies and welcome to Therapus, where we give you quality care from unqualified experts. Hopefully you will leave with a prescription that suits your needs. So I thought what better way to start off your session of Therapus with talking about, well, me. Let me just tell you about what I've been feeling this week. So I've honestly think I've had a pretty good week. I'm like thinking I had a good week. My only issue is that my stomach. really been hurting and I've convinced myself I have a parasite because Brett got this thing when she

came back from Mexico and her stomach was like all over the place and then like she was talking about it and then everyone was like oh it's a parasite and I like I'm knowing that parasites aren't contagious but like for some reason like I'm just feeling like I have a parasite even though I don't just like everything I eat makes my stomach hurt which I know it's like preach to the choir everyone's fucking stomach hurts all the time but like my stomach's like really been hurting all the time what I've found is a good solution to my stomach. hurting is drinking water. I don't do that really at all or enough. But then when I do drink the water, my stomach like stops hurting for a second and then it starts hurting again. Anywho, that's been

definitely taking a toll on how I've been feeling. But while my OCD has basically kind of not gone away, but has gotten a lot less bad, like it's very much easy for me to like, you know, like, be like, okay enough. Like my anxiety hasn't. And I was just thinking that like, Prozac was like supposed to like not cure my anxiety, but like help. And it feels like almost it's not helping anymore. It just stabilized me, which is like, what was I like before this? When I told my psychiatrist that a few years ago, she's like, great, well, I can put you on something else, but like there's something else is like going to make you gain weight.

No. Like I was like, no. No, sorry. She goes, I'm going to tell you it, but I don't want you to look up the side effects. I was like, why don't you want me to look up the side effects? And she's like, I just don't want you to look up the side effects. I'm like, all due respect, I'm going to look up the side effects, especially if it involves a fucking weight gain. And granted, it did.

Like, an actual chemical weight gain. I was like, I'm sorry, I'm not doing this. It was going to make me tired and this, that, and the other. And it was going to, like, ruin my appetite. And I was like, I'd rather just be fucking unhappy than have all these fucking side effects. But I think for a few days in New York, I did forget to take my meds. And I almost cried, which was crazy because I haven't cried in years. And I was like, why am I, like, getting so emotional?

Oh, McCalky Culkin. I'm sorry, I know I just butchered his name. The guy in Home Alone has married to Brenda Song, got his Hollywood Walk of Fame star. And, yeah, I was sobbing because Kevin's home. And he deserves it no more, no less. Actually, maybe more. I'm really excited about today's guests. One, you know, Bajoules, Julia, and then Miss Peyton Perthor, Bepet.

and they are just a one to punch them too. I'm really excited for them to come and read the Tell Me What's Wrongs with me this week. And I have a fun skit that I'm going to have them do with me. I don't know if they're going to be down, but they have to be down. Before I bring them in though, obviously I'm going to let you guys know. Pass Thatpuss.com. Go to the Tell Me What's Wrong little widget and tell me what's wrong. And let's fucking talk about it.

And I will prescribe you a remedy for you to hopefully feel better. Let's bring them in. It is my honor and privilege to introduce to you my two biffles, Julia Mervis and Peyton Perthor. Hey. Hey. Oh my God, are you guys so excited to be here? So excited.

So excited. Julia had a little fit about the headphones. Huh? Because you told her to save it for the pod. Yeah, sorry. I like the headphones. Like, it just feels more profan. Okay, well, you know what?

I'm going to ask you two. How are you feeling? And be honest. I'm okay. Why are you okay? Just like, you know. Okay. I've had better days.

Wait, I thought we're being honest. No, we are being honest. So, today was rough? Not my best day. What was it like? Not good. What did you guys have for lunch? Um, I don't want to talk about that either.

What was it? I'm texting you guys all day. What should I get for lunch? I know I didn't give you a recommendation. What did you? You got? I had avocado toast. Ew.

What do you mean, ew? That's all? For lunch? For lunch? From where? Well, it was like brunch. That was breakfast. So you didn't eat the rest of the day.

I had cheese hits. Two whole packs. Wow. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I had avocado toast and cheese hits. Like, sorry. What you have? What'd you have?

Yeah, what did you have? Did you get a lobster cut roll? So much worse. What did you get? I got a wrap. From, no. Don't say it. No, I knew you guys would guess that.

That's fucking disgusting. Worse? Think back to freshman year. Like, it's that bad. Salads that we used to get. Worse? Salads. No, that's fucking disgusting.

Yeah. How did you end up on that? Mm-mm-mm. You had a rough day. I told you it was bad. Yeah, you had a bad day. And I told you I didn't want to talk about lunch. Okay, well, let's get in to why we're here.

We're here to help the pussies feel better. Or maybe have a little bit of a reality check. Okay. Okay, is everyone ready? So ready. Okay. Tell me what's wrong. I was new.

Oh, okay. Go off. I'm getting the ick from my sneaky link, but he's the only guy who can make me come. Fuck. Fuck, that's a problem. Tap. Well, I would like to know what the ick is. I also need to know what the ick is because I feel like that's important.

Right, it's important. I say, get your roster, babe. Get your roster. And you keep him on it. Keep him on that motherfucking roster. You know what? No. I think it's okay for girls to always think like a man.

And if a guy was getting good sex from a girl that he got the egg from, he'd still fuck her. True. Probably. Explore. Explore other options. Just don't come. Doesn't mean you have to ditch him. Just don't commit.

Put him on the bench. Bench. He's warming up the bench. Pull him off when like the game's going south. Totally. What do we prescribe? What if we prescribe Bumble? Yes.

Okay. Like, we're prescribing you Bumble. Like get on there and figure it out. Also, isn't Bumble the one where girls talk first? Okay. Well, my prescription's a little different than yours. Oh, okay. And I'm going to explain my.

Listening to you, doctor. Friday night lights. And you're like, oh my God, why Friday night lights? I am wondering that. The main character gets pulled off the bench and ends up being like the star. Didn't it? That analogy didn't work. Yeah, I'm...

I'm... I'm on her side. So we're prescribing her bumble. Yeah, prescribe her bumble. Sometimes people need to be prescribed... Bumble and a fucking vibrator. Girl, make yourself come. Yes, seriously.

Absolutely. I found out my dad cheated on my mom at the Arestor. Oh, my God. Sorry, you can't let it ruin your time. At all. And let me just say, I can relate. Not that I've... Jake.

No, no. He is about to... to be so dramatic. No, okay. So dramatic. I'm gonna get pissed. No, stop. My parents are happily married.

They're happily together, but I had something. Nope. That happened to me at my first Eros tour. Nope. Shut up. That I didn't, I didn't really, you know, it kind of ruined my time. And I look back and I think, God damn it. However, like, the Eros tour definitely probably came and went.

Yeah, fuck. So you found out your dad cheated on your mom at the Eros tour. I mean, you ever let that one. slip at the Erestor is fucking selfish. Yeah. Right? But also, like, needing to know, did she see a text?

How would she find out? I'm curious as well. I mean, that fucking sucks. But can I say something? Like, she'll probably relate to, like, tolerate it. Yeah, fuck. That must, I hope she didn't go to the bathroom during that one, because that would hit.

No. Yeah. Look at her dad. Like, you fucking tolerated it. Um, okay. So what do we prescribe? Okay. Therapy.

Wait, seriously. You gotta talk that through. What about, what about? More Taylor? Oh my God, you know what? Miss Americana. No, you know what I'm fucking prescribing? Maybe she doesn't.

Maybe Taylor will trigger her because she found out at the Arest Tower. Okay. Taylor. Do you remember, did you watch Pretty Little Liars when Aria found out her dad was she on her mom? Oh, no.

And she was making out with the girl in the car? Yeah, watch that episode of PLL. Pretty good, huh? Okay, we'll fill it up at HBO Max or wherever your local streaming service maybe. Okay Okay Can I just say

I really like it better With the headphones So put on the headphones No I'm not gonna be the only one We're wearing headphones But I just like had to make a comment Well I mean it definitely would look weird But you wore them

And I didn't wear them last time And it was fine Well that's like one verse two And then it's like two first one Well that sounds like a thing That you need to sort out in your own head Whatever Because we're just hanging

As always A poo as per usual I'm excited for this one From Mia Hi Mia. Hey Mia. My foster mom's sons are so fine, but they're 10 years older than me. Okay, so I'm not.

That's it? Yeah, but like. Oh, so fine isn't like so fine. Right, but if that's your foster mom's kids, is that like your brother? It's giving fosters. That's my prescription. Okay, I've never seen the fosters. Will you like to?

The fosters was unreal. One of the best shows of all time. Unreal. Really? It's my initial. Would I like it? Yeah. I really think he would actually.

It's a free form show. What's it about? It's about this girl, Maya Mitchell, and her little brother, who's gay. Oh. And they are like, Maya's like in juvie and they've like been in and out of like foster care or whatever. And then they like get arrested. And then the cop is a foster parent. And the cop like looks at her and she's like, oh my God, I like have to save this girl.

And then whatever. So they like take her in and they're like, okay, just until we find like a place to like place. her, like, we're just gonna, like, have them live with us. Like, this girl can't be in Juby. Like, she's literally so sweet. Will she, like, bring my brother with me, though? Yeah, no, the brother came, too. I think, I'm honestly, it's been a while, but, like, the brother's there.

And then the foster mom, and one of them has, like, a son from, like, a previous marriage. And she's in love. A biological son. And Maya Mitchell starts, like, fucking the son. Okay, question. Well, then, question. How does that go down in the show? Like, are they, like, that's instead?

It doesn't end well. Mia. I have another person. description Mia. What? Culpa Mia. You might be a little confused at first. It is dubbed.

It's an Amazon original. No, it's not dubbed. You need to watch it with fucking subtitles. I don't read. It's dubbed if you want to watch it in English. It is Culpa Mia, my fault in English. An Amazon Prime original. It's probably the best movie I've seen in 2020.

The best movie I've ever seen. The guy in it is the hottest person I've ever seen. Well, you need to explain the plot as to what. I am. I'm getting there. Okay. So Julia. Brett and I are sitting on the couch and I'm like, you guys, just give it five minutes.

If everyone hates it after five minutes, we'll turn it off. Spoiler alert, no one hated it. Spoiler alert, everyone was addicted and obsessed. Including Brian, Brett doesn't watch movies. The reason I'm prescribing it is because it's about this girl and her mom gets remarried. She goes to move in with her new stepdad, but they've never met before. And her brother and her, like, fall in love. Step brother.

Okay, so. They never met before. I don't know. We have two prescriptions for you, Mia, which is actually fitting because I was talking about today how my psychiatrist tried to prescribe me two things instead of one med the other week. You're going on new meds? No, but I was talking about how my meds, like, aren't working anymore. And I was, like, saying, like, my psychiatrist was like, well, I'm going to put you on this mood stabilizer. And I was like, what?

And then she's like, but I don't want you to look up the side effects. That's us. Yeah, I was like, wait. So we're giving you two prescriptions, but, like, there's no side of facts except joy. Joy. This guy had a crush on me for almost a year and I rejected him. This past summer I had a crush on him and he rejected me. Fuck.

Yeah, fuck. I'm already lost. I don't know. All due respect, how the fuck did, where did I lose you? I honestly, can I be honest. I wasn't listening. This guy had a crush on me for almost a year. Okay?

And I rejected him. Okay. You're going to relate to this one. This past summer, I had a crush on him and he rejected me. God. Damn it. We're now just friends, but deep down, I still like him. What do I do?

I mean, you kind of missed your chance. You kind of missed your chance, but my thing is you shouldn't feel too bad about it because if he doesn't like you anymore, then how long was it going to last to begin with? Oh, that's good advice. That kind of hit. I know. Like, you know what I mean? You should find solace and that.

But maybe don't be his friend if it's really weighing on your mental. Also, if you guys are close enough, I feel like he could just say. Would you ever just say? Yes. Where are you laughing? Share it with the group. The text. You can, we'll bleep out the name.

Disregard my advice. What was your, what did you say in the text? Peyton had a situation ship once. Mm-hmm. And it's still on. Do you feel comfortable talking about it or no? No. Yeah, okay, well, honestly, I think you should just find solace in the fact that he wasn't

going to like you for the past summer at all. Or maybe it's just like he's trying to prove a point. Yeah, let him prove that point. And you know what you should do, you should hook up with someone. else. Yes, his friend. Oh, yeah. I mean, it sounds like Peyton.

Yeah, hook up with his friend. And see if he cares and if he doesn't. Oof. Okay, you know what I'm going to prescribe? You know what I'm going to prescribe? This time where I turn pretty. How are you going to prescribe that? When you haven't seen it.

Fake. Okay. Literally eat your words. Okay, then you know what I'm going to prescribe? A sick hookup. Okay. Right? Yeah, a sick hookup.

And like if you want to take two meds at once, like hook up with his friend. Yeah. Like that'll do the day. Like, and you know what? Like, and you know what? The two meds, more side effects, greater outcome. I agree. Yeah.

Stir the pot a little bit. Yeah. Stir it. I feel like there's nothing to lose. There's a lot to lose. Not really. Yeah, I guess not. But they're still friends.

But like, well, he's not into her. Then she can do whatever she wants. Yeah. Agreed. I was given the would you rather let your mom die or suck off your dad. I've been truly devastated ever since. I don't want to answer this.

Well? Um, holy fuck. Oh, I'm gonna throw up. Wait, like, respectfully,

we can't air this. Really? Like, my mom's gonna watch this, and I can't, like, let her see that I would have rather her die. No.

Like, that's disturbing. Yeah. I'm gonna air it. I don't know what to tell you. You speak on that one. I knew you were just thinking that. I'm so happy I didn't.

Okay, should we play a quick game of Would You Rather? I hate you. Should we play a quick game of Would You Rather? Yeah. So we asked you pussies earlier to send us in some would you rather's. And honestly, I wasn't even expecting that in there, but that is such a good segue into playing Would You Rather with my girls. So let's pull it up and let's start playing Would You Rather?

Would you rather be Cinderella or Bell? Bell. You've never seen either. No, I have. You totally would prefer to be Belle. You would want to be the... She has the yellow dress, right? Yeah.

Yeah, I would also say Belle. Okay. Ew. Would you rather have teeth for pubs or pubes for teeth? I'm letting her answer. I answered the last one. Well, can you shave the teeth? Yeah, you can definitely wax them.

I'm going to if. Okay, would you rather always have mustard in your eye or always have Vaseline on your hands? Vaseline on my hands. Me too. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty easy one. Smell like shit or be bald.

Yeah. Smell like shit. Smell like shit. You can cover that up. Yeah. But what if you can't? Okay. Would you rather your nipples bleed when you're aroused

or fart every time you hear a Taylor Swift song? With that. That's crazy. I'd rather fart hearing a Taylor Swift song. Really? I feel like that's so often. No, but I usually know. I think I'd rather fart when I hear a Taylor Swift song.

What if you're in the middle of doing something? something and you start bleeding your nipples. Hopefully it's dark. I feel like I don't listen to like Taylor Swift at like a club. You know what I mean? Like I'm listening to her in my car and my ears. Speak for yourself. We've been to three Taylor Swift club nights.

This one's just stupid. Would you rather meet Taylor Swift or meet a real life octopus? Taylor Swift? Taylor, duh. I don't want to meet an octopus respectfully. Me either at all. What are you talking about? Can you at least whisper it into the mic so the pussies can hear you is so rude.

Well, we're going to say out loud. Okay. We have one for you. Okay, go. Go off. Okay. Would you rather have to sleep in a room with no air conditioning? Or spend an entire day without the conversation being about you.

Hard right? Wait, like every night when we see? Yeah. Like for a week. And then how long does the conversation not have to be about me? Same. A week. A week.

You can't open the windows. A fan? No, nothing. Hot room. I'm gonna say I'd rather have AC and not talk about me because... How would you get by? I wouldn't. With conversations.

I don't believe you. But I wouldn't be able to sleep. You know, yet last night I slept in Alice's room, she was so freezing cold. I put the fan on the floor, put it up, and leaned over the bed sideways so that I could get a little gust on my face.

Pussies, we took an intermission and I think we're ready to get back into therapist. I'm ready. My roommate is actually the worst smelling human in the world. Nothing could prepare you for the scent she produces. That fucking stuff. Whatever you're thinking, triple it. I asked her to shower more.

She has not. Move. Wow, that's like brave to have that conversation. Ask her to shower more. Would you? You would? Yeah, you have to. Like, hey, you smell bad?

Yeah. Honestly, I'm astounded by this girl's bravery. Same. Because I would never say that to someone I would just complain about it. Right? I'd probably complain really loud in front of them. That's Jane's M.O. Yeah.

You know what? I'm going to prescribe for them. A breeze. Maybe a Fabrease, but also, you know that movie The Roommate? Is that the one where they kill each other? Yeah. Yeah, I guess things could be worse, huh? Yeah, things could be worse.

Your roommate could kill you. I'm prescribing Zillow. You gotta get out of there. Have you guys ever had an experience where your roommate smelled bad? No. This is awkward because we've all really just lived with each other. No, I haven't.

I smell bad sometimes. You're more just like dirty. Yeah. And it's like shower. Ew. And maybe wash your clothes. And your sheets. I'm in love.

And yourself. I'm in love with two guys who are best friends. That's epic. Wait, sorry, I'm really sorry, I wasn't listening again. Julie, it was one sentence. No, I know, but I wasn't listening. I was thinking about it. Can I just ask you what you think I said?

I'm in love with two guys who are best friends. I missed the last part. Honestly, I don't really, like, I'm jealous if that's what you're coming to fucking therapist about. Same, I want that problem. I want that problem. I'm in love with two, but you can be in love with anyone. She's not saying they love her back.

Oh my God. I'm literally prescribing the vampire diaries. Oh, yeah. And the summer I turn pretty. No, they're brothers. Oh, I guess they're brothers and the vampire diaries too. Yeah, but they're also best friends. Vampire Diaries.

Okay, so you're prescribing the vampire diaries. Yeah, duh. And the summer I turn pretty, both. Slay Cherry Girl says, my mom's crazy... Why is Peyton Slai Cherry Girl? I'm literally Slay Cherry Girl. Slai Cherry Girl says, my mom's crazy ex threatened to kidnap me and her. Fuck.

Fuck. Also, Copamia. Yeah. Why Copomia? Because maybe you'd have to watch it. You don't want to spoil it. The mom willingly went. No.

Jake, you're not knowing. There's a whole other layer of the plot and you just don't know. They're kidnapped. You're not knowing. We don't want to spoil it for all the pussies. Fuck, I kind of want to watch Copa Mia now. Because I want them to watch.

Alice will. Okay, so I guess we're going to prescribe. You know, some people take the same medication. I forgot the question. My mom's crazy ex threatened to kidnap me and her. Yeah. Block him. Well, sounds like they did.

I would recommend calling the police. I mean, that's like real life advice. Like, you should probably get the authorities involved. I would totally call the police. Yeah, and watch call upon me. And then watch call me. It's a two-step process for this one. Yeah.

Like, authority first, culpul me a second. Yeah. Okay, this is going to be the last one we do before we get into our skit, which I've so lovingly prepared for us three. I'm nervous for the skit. I know, but like, it'll be fine. I'm not, like, good at acting. Well, we'll just, I'll leave it.

I feel like it's easy over text. I'm nervous in person. I can emote better on the phone. Well, we can, we'll just, we have to like, straight face. Like, it's fine. Okay. Like, no one's expecting Oscars from us.

Okay. Can we do an exercise first? Yeah. Okay. From Marissa. How do I make friends in college? I'm a sophomore and I'm struggling to connect with people. I tried going out slash staying in, socializing in class.

I have no roommate this semester, so that doesn't help. I'm starting to think I'm the problem. I mean. Okay, Marissa. Go. I feel like you're not the problem. I also don't feel like she's the problem. College is a really hard place to make friends.

It's impossible. My first month of college, I cried myself to sleep. Peyton bribed me to come to her room because she would send me photos of her snacks. Yeah. And she said, I have goldfish. It worked. And I have cheeses and I have corn thins. It worked.

And it worked. I would shake my ass up there. Yeah. And eat her snacks. We're snacking. We are. So maybe get some snacks in your room and start bribing people. Yeah.

But she's a sophomore. So, like, people already have snacks. Be proactive. Yeah. Be proactive and try to make plans. I would say... Really good advice. Is it not supposed to be real?

No, it is supposed to be real. I would say, set a goal for yourself and make one plan a week. Oh! Wow, that was amazing. Reach out, text someone, make a dinner plan, make a pregame plan. Even if you have to force someone

into a dinner plan, prove to them why you're worthy of their hour. Or Marissa, invite yourself somewhere. Yeah, I invite myself everywhere all the time. Right? Yeah. I've invited myself somewhere. All the time. Yeah. Okay, so invite yourself somewhere. Yeah, me and Peyton became friends because she asked me to go to the gym.

Okay. And I DMed Julie on Instagram. Yeah. Before college. I'm remembering. You know what I'm going to prescribe for this? Perks of being a wallflower. Wait, fuck, he tries to kill himself.

Okay, okay, okay. Prescribe something else. Is it Puscribe or? Puscribe. Puscribe. What's a movie about someone with no friends? Um, I mean, they all end up like doing something. dark.

Maybe let's not pick a movie. Prescribe joining a club. Did she already try to join clubs? Yeah, I'm going to prescribe to you number one, joining a club, number two, Phoebe Bridgers. And maybe watch reality TV. Yes. I'm going to prescribe reality TV because all these people are thrown in the house

and they are not friends with each other and they somehow end up being friends. Totally. Like, I'm going to prescribe like Jersey Shore. Yes. Yeah. Jersey Shore. Totally.

Like Jersey Shore, like that's a great one. Or like Summer House. Summer House. Bad Girls Club. Bad Girls Club. Well, they hate each other at the end. Yeah. I love Summer House.

Okay, should we do one more because I'm having fun? Yeah. From Brooke, my situation ship of 14 months started seeing another girl, and I found out through Instagram stories. Oh. How many months? 14. That's a long time, Brooke. That's a lot of months.

Okay, so while I'm just going to say, Brooke, that sucks. Yeah, I mean, sucks. That sucks. That sucks. Obviously, you cannot be with him. It was a situation for a reason. But, like, my issue is, like, Why was it a situation trip for that long?

Yeah. 14 months, like, fuck, that's long. You do it too. Fuck, I would. I'm gonna bleep. Just let me go. And I won't say specific, so no one will know and we'll cut this part out too. If was like leading you on for 14 months, this is an unspecified period of time,

you would be down. Yeah. I mean, you were down after way worse. Then if this happened to me, though, like, I mean, it kind of did happen to you, and you were still upset and, like, still, like, would be down. Okay, Brooke, I don't think I can help you. Prescribe a best friend.

Yeah, I'm going to prescribe your best friend because that's fucking shady. You have to watch two shows, and you have to focus on two characters in these two shows. Gossip Girl, focus on Blair. Absolutely. Scandal, focus on Olivia Pope. Yeah, absolutely.

Okay. you guys, well, I think we're at the very end of the Tell Me What's Wrongs, and I would like to do a little skit with you guys. Peyton, you have to switch with me because we're FaceTiming you. Fuck, okay. Okay, so the skit is me, Pay, and Jewel.

Actually, I feel like you should be Taylor. Okay, I'll be Taylor. So, we like to cosplay Britney Mahomes, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez. No, we like to... Are we not? Oh, I'm usually Travis Kelsey. I just don't know if I can do a good impersonation.

And usually, we're a chat of... It was Travis introducing Brittany and Taylor. Yeah. And so I was like, here's the group chat. We made it. Like me and I was Taylor, Peyton was Brittany, and we were like, like, Peyton was like trying to like be all inclusive to me. Send your jersey size.

We made a rest for after the game. I'm coordinating. I'm doing the party bus. I'm making the plans. And I'm including Taylor. Okay. So for the skit, we are going to do Taylor and Selena FaceTiming Brittany after Brittany is in.

was in the skim's campaign. Okay, ready? I'm nervous that I'm about to be ganged up on. Can I just be honest for like one second? Right. Like obviously like this isn't going to happen. Like we're already in our positions. You want to be Taylor?

No, no, no, no. What's up with you? See? Literally fuck both of you. No, that wasn't personal. You're just usually Taylor. You are usually Taylor. Okay, can we just do the scale?

Well, I was just going to say that it makes a little more sense of me. Me and Pete and are Selena and Taylor, because we're both usually getting mad at you. Okay, I'll be Brittany. No, it's too late, but, like, I'm just like... It's too late, and, like, Brittany is me. Like, I'm already so used to being her. Okay, okay.

Are you ready? Fuck, I'm nervous. Get your phone out. I know, wait, ready. You're gonna be like, you should call her. Okay, ready? Ready? I don't think I can do this.

No, yes, you can. Yes, you can. Are you ready? I'm trying to get into the Z. zone. No, yeah. Okay, ready? No. Okay. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait, cell. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. Wait, sell. Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready. Wait. Wait. Wait. Sel. Did you see this? Britney's doing the skims campaign and I'm just confused because she was so nice to me last week.

But like, she didn't tell me anything about the skims campaign and honestly, neither did Travis. Wait, what? Should I call? Yeah. Okay. Call Brittany Mahomes new. Wait, like, does she like, no? Hey, Tay. Hey, Britt, it's me and Sal.

Hey. Hey, girls. Wait, so we were just sitting here. We had so much fun at dinner the other day. We had so much fun. So much fun. Okay, well, I was just calling. I was going to call you alone, but Sell has been here.

She's having, like, she's having a moment. And, like, you know, like, we're attached at the hip. Yeah, we're attached. Yeah, girls. Um, um, skims? Yeah. Yeah. It's fine.

I honestly wouldn't have. No, no, no, no. I wanted to address the elephant in the room. Right. I was going to call you earlier just because I wanted to make sure there was no tension. I mean, like, there's a little bit of tension. Sal, shut up. Selena, yeah.

Um, Selena, this isn't about you. Um, what? But I just really wanted to clear the air. Because I wanted you to know, we filmed all of that before I knew about you and Trav. No, of course. I just, like, wish you told me because, like, a bunch of people were... I know. I know.

Because, like, a bunch of people were, like, sending it to me, as you can imagine, being, like, wait, aren't you in Brip right, like, super close? I know, but I didn't know about the timeline. You know, it dropped today. I mean, tell you before... Selena, sorry. Fuck. Sal, honestly, not to throw you under the bus.

So was more pissed than I was. Wait, Taylor, what the fuck? Sorry. Sorry. I just, like, think, like, I don't know. Like, I'm Taylor's best friend, as you know. And, like... She's just, like, so protective.

Yeah, and, like, I just, like, if it were me and, like, something like that happened, and, like, yeah, out of your control, whatever. But, like, if it were me, like, I definitely would have, like, I don't know. Maybe. No, I honestly wasn't even going to call you about this. Travis was, like, you need to calm down. Love that raff girl. I'm just, like, not looking for anything to, like, tear down, like, Traventay.

because like, why would we want that to happen? Right. All right, you guys. Well, this game. That was seriously not fucking okay. I don't think we could do that. That was fucking weird. Oh, no.

I think we have to. And you know what? On that note, it's honestly quite fitting that Peyton's in the therapist chair. You know what, you guys, your session is officially up. Thank you for, oh, okay. Will you hold this into my mouth? There you go. Okay.

Your session and, oh, wait, sorry. Yeah. So that skit was. really fun. Oh, fuck. Okay, your session is over. Thank you so much for coming to Thera Puss. It's better for your mind and it's better for your tentacles. And thank you to Peyton and Julia for hanging out with us today. As you know, go to pass thatpuss.com and tell me what's wrong for next week. I love you, pussies.