Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 07: Madeline Argy

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

Spend Valentine's Day with Jake and special guest Madeline Argy in the Therapuss office! Tell Me What's Wrong at ⁠passthatpuss.com ⁠Follow Me! Instagram | @passthatpuss TikTok | @octopusslover8 Follow Madeline! @madelineargy Listen to "THERAPUSS" Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1BHDdC0OVuHqZ706FobfOF ⁠⁠Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapuss-with-jake-shane/id1723626781⁠⁠ Amazon Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/93117357-1f23-46e1-8f26-88f5182a68b8/therapuss-with-jake-shane⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@octopusslover8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi Pussies. Welcome back to Therapus and happy, happy Valentine's Day. If you're spending it alone with friends or with a significant other, I hope you have the best day ever because I won't. Actually, maybe I will be because for Valentine's Day, I am going to dinner with Peyton and Kennedy because we are the only single ones in our friend group. And we are going to drink and have a Galentine's Day. And for Valentine's Day, I wanted to intro the section where I call pussies because a lot of you guys have been, when you go to my website, pass that push.com and submit it, tell me what's wrong. You've been leaving your numbers for me to call you. And this pussy named Layla submitted her number. And I just like want to call her and wish your happy Valentine's Day, even though it's a little far in advance.

I'm going to be sad if she doesn't answer and then answers later. Hi. Oh my God. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm shooting my Valentine's Day episode. Shut the fuck up. I'm... Oh my God.

Stop! I love you. Wait, do you... I'm literally at work. Wait, it's a good reason to leave. Wait, say hi to all the pussies. You're on therapist. Hi, Pussies.

Oh, my God. Well, I'm obsessed with you. I hope you have the best Valentine's Day. Fuck, yeah. Okay. I love you. Bye, Leila. Today we have

one of my favorite people on the internet, Madeline R.G. coming on. I'm so goddamn fucking excited. The second I saw she was in L.A., I was like, oh, so I need her to come on therapist. And that she is. I think she's about to get here. I'm really excited to just talk about love and Valentine's Day and friendship and Puss and London with her. I'm so excited to hear about her life in London because if you Pussies don't know, that is where I want to legit live and raise my kids. So. Okay, guys, welcome back to Therapus. I'm here with, I'm actually so excited. Sorry, I'm here with Madeline RG

all the way from London. Hi, Madeline. Hello. Thank you for coming on Therapus. Thanks for having me. Of course. Are you liking, are you liking Los Angeles? Yeah, I am.

Very much. What do you, do you, are you like missing London or are you like happy to like be gone for a sec? I don't think I've ever missed London in my life. Ever? No. I miss my dog. You don't like, it's too cold for you?

It's too cold. It's too gray. The people are mean. People are kind of intense there. Yeah, they're really rude. So I like to do this thing on therapist, where we talk about what we're pissed about called therapist. Is there anything that's pissed you off since you landed in L.A.?

I was trying to think of something and no. Of course. L.A. is so nice. People are friendly. What? You think people are friendly? What? Yeah.

Everyone's real nice to me. people aren't nice. Okay, I need to unpack this in therapy, I think. Like actual therapy, because I'm always like people are so mean here. Really? Yeah. Maybe I just omit bad vibes. Honestly.

Maybe. I don't know. But, like, I've not really gone that many places. I feel like I've only gone places where people are like paid to be nice to me, like the coffee shop. Uh-huh. Wait, wait, where did you get coffee? I was going to swipe up and give you like all my racks, but then I was like, she probably already asked a million.

No, I don't. I've been going to Alfred's every single thing. You like it? It's okay. Okay. You should go to the best coffee in L.A. And tell me if you agree with this is Maro. Mario.

It's one in the arts district. And then it's in, yeah, Beverly Hills. It's right by your hotel, right by, I mean like 10 minutes. It is the best coffee you'll get in L. Like, Mario Coffee. Yeah, it's the best. Or community goods is great too. Is that?

I've heard that name before. It's really good. It's like small and the line can go out the door. But like in the winter, it's fine because you're cold. It's good, right? I'll try it. I went to Earth. I didn't really love it then.

I would have steered you clear. Yeah, really? Yes. I am the biggest Earth Cafe hater in the fucking country. The biggest till I die. I don't give a fuck. Till I die, that place is despicable. I don't care.

I don't give a fuck. It is so bad. What did you get there? Sorry, let me calm down. What did you get there? I got the Icelandal latte and a burrito. How was it? The burrito was really good.

Really? A little bit like soggy, but... See, I fucking can't. You guys, this place, I used to get bamboozled into going by my friends. And they would be... And I just... Their salads were dry. They had this disgusting taco salad that actually tasted like...

I don't even want to go there because I'm not going to gross anyone out of it. They're eating while watching this. But, like, I fucking hate that place. But I'm so glad you had a good experience. I just got really heated and I'm sorry to anyone that owns Earth Cafe. I'm sure you're lovely. But that's, I hate it. Are you allowed to say things like that on podcast?

Like it's fucking disgusting. I hate it. You hate Celsius? Tell me why. Well, I just tried one this morning and I, like. It's like, did your heart beat out of your skin? Like, I'm still having palpitations, but I feel hung over. Yep.

Yeah. It's fucking awful. It's horrible. Yeah. It is like, well, I've started drinking this thing called Fast Twitch. and I drink one before this actually if anyone's able to tell and it is like an adderol in a can like it actually like my skin is like jumping out because it's like 300 milligrams of caffeine. Yum.

Right? I think so too and I only drink it before I work out which is when I think I need to keep working but I just drank one so if anyone notices I'm just a little over emotional today. That's why it's because of that. Do you have a preferred energy drink now that we're on the topic? No, I don't drink energy drinks. And you just went for it Celsius today. Yeah, I just thought, I don't know.

I wanted to try it. It was in my little mini fridge, so I just went for it. They have those in the hotel mini fridge now? It's like the most LA mini fridge I've ever seen. What's in it? What's in it? It's so full of shit. It's like three wellness shots.

Yes. And then like sugar-free, raw cocoa chocolate. Yes. No. I know. I know. I was so disappointed when I got it. that I saw it. I was like, I'm fucking hungry.

This is a sick joke. I know. If I was traveling, that would be the last thing I'd want to see. But if I was like booking a hotel room for me personally tonight and they had like Celsius and like sugar-free snacks, I'd be like, yeah. Like, fuck yeah. This is what I needed. But like I definitely get that if I had traveled somewhere and that was in their mini fridge, I'd probably bomb the place.

Honestly. Completely valid reaction. It's fine. Like I'd freak the fuck out, actually. Now that I'm thinking about it if I was traveling, that's just like the last thing I'd want. I'm so sorry. Yeah. They also like, I don't know if I can say this, but like they won't, you know, like, they leave like fresh fruit out sometimes in hotels. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, I kind of thought that maybe like the cleaners would take it out. Like, I've probably not.

They left it in there. It's been over a week. It's literally molding. And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck to do with it. And you have to ask them, take this shit out of my room. I never see them. Like, I've not seen any of the, because I'm always out when they come by. Go to the front desk, be like, this is my room number. I'm begging. That's actually such a simple solution to what I think of people. Like, I have social anxiety. Like, do you have social anxiety? Not really.

Oh, love that for you. I have the worst, so I get scared of doing stuff like that, but, like, you should just do it. Yeah, I will probably do it. I just, I, like, don't come to solutions. That's my problem. Mm-hmm. What's your star sign? Cancer.

Oh, I fucking knew it. I just knew it. What's your? It's why we get along. Can I guess? Yeah, I guess. Ares. No.

Like, Scorpio? Yes. Really? Yes. I'm Scorpio with Gemini Rising, Gemini Moon. It's like bad and really dark I oftentimes don't tell people my birthright Because they like actually don't want to be friends with me after I tell them

But yeah I love Scorpios but I don't know about Gemini No No Gemini's are crazy But one of my best friends Cassidy is a Gemini and she's the best So But Gemini's are a lot Scorpio's are just very like

Like moody and dark But like that's why I'm a Gemini rising I'm so friendly because It's the mask I portrayed of the world Yeah two-faced scary I yeah honestly yeah and I'm sorry about it I am sorry about it but there are just situations in which I have to be um okay well why don't we get into the tell me what's wrongs for the day oh my god how could I forget because it's Valentine's Day for you because you're my Valentine's Day happy Valentine's Day

putties thank you these are for you while we answer the Valentine's Day tell me what's wrong this is so romantic I know right there how do I bring up Valentine's to my Situationhip. We've been going out for a month. Um, you don't. What? Wait, that's crazy.

Sorry. I mean, you go. Wait, I'm curious. Is that crazy to do? Yes. Maybe I'm the wrong person. Your situation ship, you've been seeing each other non-exclusively because you're a situation ship for a month,

which is what this sounds like. Valentine's Day is the last thing on their mind. Not to be harsh. Why? Because, like, if they're not exclusive, like, They don't have to celebrate Valentine's Day yet. That is time and money. I know.

I'm sorry. I'm just here to deliver the truth. You need to do it better. Look, you've got me flowers we've only just met. Okay, wait, fuck. Maybe bring it up to them, honestly, I would. What would you say? Where the fuck are we going?

I don't know. No, you know what? Actually, I wouldn't because I'd want to see what they would do. Yeah, and in this case, he's not doing anything. Oh, my God. I mean, I'm serious. Okay, fine. Maybe one month.

is a little bit soon. I think it's a little bit soon. I totally understand the delusion like beyond belief. Like, because at the end of the day, like what it is, like, respectfully, it is delusional. But I get it because I'm also delusional. So like, I'm going to just like let this person down easy. Like he is not thinking about Valentine's Day and I'm so, so sorry about that. But I would not ask him and like maybe make plans with your galpouse.

That is so brutal. I know. But it's the truth. Is it? I hate participation medals. And like that's what I feel like I'm giving out when I lie. Okay, fine. No, fair enough.

Yeah. You know, is that too mean? I love it. Okay. You guys. Maybe I'm delusional and I didn't even know. I would bite someone if I'd been seeing them for a month and they don't give me anything on that. Well, no, it depends on when I'm dating.

If it's a girl, I'm expecting something. But if it's a boy. Right, because girls get it. Yeah. Girls do get it. Boys don't. The case in point. Parame me.

I prescribe to you the holiday because in the holiday, Kate Winslets, have you seen the holiday? She is so unfortunately delusional about that guy she's seen. And she leaves him and he comes running back. So that's what I prescribe to you. Do you have any prescriptions for her? The holiday's pretty good. You like the holiday?

I just watched it for the first time. How did you get through life not watching it? I don't know. And I think I fell asleep for half of it, respectfully. Really? I love Cameron Diaz more than anything, though. And Kate Winslet. She's so hot.

She's so... Everything. Yeah. She's filming in a new movie. movie right now. Is she? Yes, I'm so excited. Do you know what it's about? No. It's with Jamie Fox, though. There was like some draw on set. I forget what it was. I think I'm being love bombed. We have been on only four dates and he already mentions valentines and text me 24-7. Help. This is like, this is the other girl's opposite. I know. Love bond? No. You don't think that's love bomb, man? I'm insane. So I just

feel like, that's so valid. Why would you not? Well, I think that's valid too. It's you've been on four and he already mentions Valentine's like that's him be like literally so polite. You don't agree? I feel like that's just where you should be, four dates. Unless you've gone on like four dates and like, I don't know, a week. That's weird. Then you're being love bomb. Right.

So we're needing to know the time frame for this. We need more information. A little more information. But I don't know if that's love bombed. I think that's really nice. But like the issue with love bombing is I feel like only time can tell. Unless you think there's like red flags that you can see in advance from love bombing. Yeah.

Do you know if, like, what are, I've never been in a relationship, so I don't know, but like, do you, are there red flags? Like, can you tell when you're being love bombed? I feel like some people are just a bit insane and they, like, throw themselves in so quickly. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not, like, have other things to focus on? Yeah. You know, someone's like, oh, my God, he said he loved me. It's been three weeks.

I'm like, that's love bombing. Yeah. Even if it's not intentional, like, that person's obviously insane. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, why we want someone that loves you after three weeks? Yeah, that is.

It's because it's like, I feel like as quickly as they find their love for you, they can lose it. Yeah. So it's like, it has to be like a healthy. Yeah. Sorry, is that, like, toxic? I feel like it's true. I prescribe to this girl. What's a movie about getting love bombed?

Actually, you know what I prescribe to this girl? I prescribe to her season one, episode one of girls on HBO because Marnie is actually being treated like a queen by this guy. Have you seen girls? Mm-mm. Okay, this is like my second day in a row talking about girls. It is, do you like sex in the city? Mm-hmm. Okay, it is like a funnier sex in the city.

Like it is. No, what? Actually, I'm so addicted to the show, you guys. Like, it is my entire personality trait. So, like, if I start, I won't stop. But, like, you need to watch it. It's on HBO. Okay, we don't get HBO in the UK.

Like, I cannot fucking get it anywhere. Like, not even on illegal websites. You don't get HBO? Wait, I'm gonna have a panic attack. What do you mean? It's so difficult. You cannot, you like, you can't hack it. Even, like, VPNs, you cannot get in.

So how do you watch Euphoria? That was on SkyGorea. Oh, it's on like a different network Like you really don't have HBO We don't have HBO It's so annoying Because there's so many things that I want to watch Okay, well you have to watch girls

You have to You know like you don't understand Like and are you gonna go to New York soon? Yeah It takes place in New York Cute I love watching things that take place in New York It takes place in Brooklyn

Oh Did you do Were you rewatching or watching for the first time I'm still watching for the first time The first time ever? Mm-hmm It's the best show of all time. Were you with skins, girlie?

Yeah. Who was your fave? Effie. Yeah. Okay. I like, I remember when the reboot came out on MTV, they did like an American reboot. And I was like, yeah, it was bad. I was like 10 years old.

And I'd never seen skins before. And I put it on and I was so fucking traumatized. Like, panic attack at the dinner table. Like, do people live like this? the U.S. version and then I watched the UK version to be like maybe I gave this a, didn't give this a fair shot, no.

I was, I need to give it a shot now because obviously I've lived a lot more life than since I was 10, but watching that at 10 years old actually scarred me for life. I was like, I didn't know people did things like this. I've never seen the U.S. version, so I do not know what you're talking about. Isn't there a scene in the first episode where this guy's parents like go away for a weekend

and then he throws like a really big party there and then it's like all alone? In the UK one? Yeah. Isn't the first episode of Skim Skins ever? Yeah. Like, I've only seen one generation. General.

What? There's different generations? Is it still going on? Because the point of Skins is they're sixth formers. I'm pretty sure. What does that mean? That's junior and senior year. In the UK, it's a different thing.

It's called Sick Form. Oh, so it's like your guys is Degrassi. What the fuck is that? Same thing. Okay. But, yeah, I think you need to watch. girls after this and all watch skins. Okay, deal.

No, like, deal. You need to watch girls. It's the best show, but that's what I prescribed to you because Marnie is, like, actually being love bombed so hard by this guy named Charlie. Like, wait, let me just explain to you why you need to watch girls. It's like, the storyline with Charlie, like, you're going to be like, okay, this doesn't matter. I'm over it.

No, it gets brought back around in such a, have you seen girls? No. What? I didn't want to tell you. Oh, my God. It gets, like, I'm seriously, like, I have chills talking about it. Like, it gets brought back around in one of the most. cutthroat, bittersweet ways

I've ever seen in my entire life. Like, it is the most beautiful show I've ever seen in my life. Okay, that's my girl's feel. Sorry. I saw a to-do list on my ex's fridge. I was over to get some clothes. And it said, buy Sarah a V-day gift.

Sarah is my best friend. Oh! I don't read these before. Really? That is fucking darkness. Ruin their lives. That is deranged. Oh, sorry.

On the fridge as well as that's fucked. Bring Sarah Vita Gifts. I'd take a photo of it. Obviously, take a photo of it. And I hope to God you did. And show Sarah and be like, no, actually, no. I always say men fold easier than women. So she needs to go to the guy first and be like,

Sarah told me everything. Oh, smart. And record the conversation. You've got to do it. Even if it's mumbled in the pocket, press record. Just like have a personal backup. And then go to Sarah. be like blah blah blah told me everything we are not friends anymore that's what i would do what would

you do if it's actually my best friend i think i would like show up like on valentine's day like play a bit of a long game like actually go like i'm coming as well that is smart well they don't have a date though he's just getting her gift ew so which one of you is he taking on the date not no it's none of them no he's taking his he said i saw a to-do list on my ex's fridge i was over to get some clothes and it said buy Sarah a Vida gift Sarah is my best friend yes it's her ex boyfriend and it says why were you at his house because she was picking up clothes she says okay got it got it got it got it got it got it I have a listening issue apparently no it's a thing about this room am I wrong no one can there's so fucking much to look at I know and it's

the Celsius I well seriously oh this has been just not okay I'm like upset about it I'm not gonna lie and honestly while we're talking about the room i have to introduce you to because she's yelling at me pasandra hey babe say hi to madeline sorry she's like so like you were literally just asking to say hi now she's not being energetic but that's pasandra and if you could write your day on a tense up to tense down scale tense down or tense up how would you rate it my day so far yeah it's only 1 p.m. I know, but with the Celsius, doesn't it feel like 4? Yeah, I'm sweating.

I know. Like this. A tense up? Tense up. Yeah. I aspire to have your positivity every day. Are you having a tense down day? Always.

A little bit hard. Always. I'm always in a bad mood. I'm always in a bad mood. Am I? Something's always wrong. And it's just how I'm wired. It's just how I'm wired.

It's just how it works. Okay, yeah. So what I would do is I would prescribe you a smear campaign for your ex-best friend, ex-best friend, and your ex-boyfriend. Like, let them be in love. It's disgusting when she's a bad friend. That's why I prescribe you. Ew.

What do you prescribe? I like the smear campaign. I know. Smeer campaigns are like the shit. Yeah. When they're warranted, mm-hmm. I can not get rid of my UTI.

It keeps coming back. And I've been hooking up with this guy, but I'm pretending it's serious. What? Because I'm lonely. Okay. I've been pushing through sex because I don't want to tell him.

Oh, okay. Is she okay? Anyways, I already asked this guy to be my Valentine, and I'm so worried it's just going to fester. Okay. Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. I missed the third page.

My roommate's ex is coming to visit for Valentine's Day. She asked me to go get rose petals for the bed. So alone. Anyways, I already asked this guy, to be my Valentine and I'm so worried it's just going to fester. Okay.

Call me crazy. I don't really understand the correlation between the UTI and asking him to be your Valentine. But that is just me personally. I really don't. So I'm just like struggling where to like I find the proper highway to give you advice to. But do you have any notes on this? Like when she says I'm worried it's going to fester, does she mean the UTI? That's what I picked up too.

But I think she meant her. The word fester's not sitting well with me. You know what? I'm speaking of sitting, let's sit with this one for a minute because I want to just give this time to think about. Maybe we'll switch from the Valentine's Day one. Am I being okay? Okay, cool.

Like, no, Madeline. Honestly, I love your energy. I've never ever done this. Like, I've never been this hyper before in my life. I feel it. Seriously, and I'm, if you can tell, I'm so anxious, also that I am so uncontrollably hyper. So like, it's just like a mess over here.

It's like the craziest. Really? I feel like I'm going quicker than I normally do. Maybe I'm usually really slow. No, that's the, that's, that's, that's how you should feel. Okay. Wait, tell me what's, well, no. You guys, I'm not okay. It's crazy.

Tell me what's wrong. My neighbor and I, I have been hooking up on and off again for the past two years. We only think about each other romantically when we're drinking, but when we're sober, we friends own each other. Okay, so my life. He's the nicest guy I know, and we talk all the time. Is it worth pursuing a relationship, or should we stay friends?

How should I approach the situation with him? Sounds like she's got the perfect situation. You like, you think that's a fire situation. That sounds good to me, yeah. Like no feelings. Well, it sounds like she's got feelings, though. Yeah. Yes.

let's be honest. You have feelings for him. And that's okay. But I think if she continues, like, hooking up, it's only going to end bad. So, like, she kind of has to decide. Why, though?

Okay. Tell me. I feel like it's fine. Just keep hooking up with him. Like, that's perfect. But what if she, like, so convenient. But I'm,

I err on the side of anxiousness and I feel, my worry for her is that it's, if he doesn't reciprocate the same feelings of wanting a relationship back and they've been hooking up, like she's only going to get more hurt. So I'm just trying to help her protect her peace.

But like I understand that like sometimes you can't do that. True. And then if he gets a girlfriend, like she's going to have to see it. Yeah, because he's her neighbor. I don't know. I guess I prescribe. I like your approach of like just doing it and figuring out later. So keep doing what you're doing, girl.

Keep hooking up with him. And it does sound like you're getting feelings though. So like maybe gauge the vibes next time you're hooking up. But like maybe try to like, be flirty. I would prescribe being flirty while sober once and seeing how far that gets you. Like if he gives it back, then okay. Like there's something here.

But if he's like super weirded out by it, then like maybe this just isn't for you guys. Yeah. That is my prescription. Or even ask him to dinner. Happy night. And then get drunk. Wait. Yeah.

I wish I had the confidence that that elicits. Like I can, I once, I ask someone to dinner. once in my life once and they responded oh my god absolutely not i have a boyfriend why did you just message me i said okay i'm never doing this again really yeah are you like do you do that but it's because i don't care yeah like i yeah i don't know you can reject me i don't care that i want you to know how much confidence and like um it's not it's ignorance no it's not ignorance no it's not ignorance no it's not ignorant though it is it's you're like comfortable in yourself and like that is something you should be so proud of like that's amazing i'm not though i can i just like put it in a box okay you repress

yes okay maybe i need to start doing that then because i need to start asking people to dinner and not caring what they say oh this one's this one sucks my ex broke up with me for the college experience but we go to the same school so he wants to break up with you just tell everyone Well, he has chlamydia. Yeah. Oh, okay. I love that. You have the upper hand because you go to the same school.

Okay, so you know what you should prescribe them? John Tucker must die because they do that and John Tucker must die. They tell the entire school he has an STD. Nice. Yeah. Have you seen John Tucker Must die? No. I didn't know what he was saying to me.

Oh, it's the bat. It's like, I don't know how to describe it. It's like a rom-com from like 2004. It has, have you seen Desperate Housewives? No. I've seen Dexterate Housewives of Beverly Hill. Okay. You've seen the Real Housewives.

Do you like Real Housewives? Oh, is that what that's called Real Housewives? Yes. Oh, shit. Yeah, I like that. What do you watch, actually, now that we're on the topic? Real Housewives. Mm-hmm.

Big mouth. Yeah. That's it. That's it. Yeah. Oh, I watched Maid recently. That was kind of hot. I heard Maid is great.

It's so good. You know what I'm watching right now is Griselda. Any of you? It's Akamazen. What is that? Have you ever seen Pittsburgh? No. Oka.

Excuse me. Ock, excuse me? Seriously. Grisela is amazing. Shout out Sophia Vergara. You ever watch Modern Family? Everything you see. It's so American.

Really? I know. It's bad. It's pretty bad. I won't lie. See, I'm like, I want to find, like, a London lover, but, like, I don't think I can because I am so not London to my core. Fair enough.

Yeah. But I also kind of wanted a London lover. Because have you ever seen normal people? Oh my God, yeah. That takes place in London, right? Or am I Ireland? That would be Ireland. Quite different.

Have you been to Ireland? No. Oh, wait, shit. Yeah, I have. It's beautiful. Have you seen pictures? Yes, it's absolutely so grey and beautiful. Like Dublin?

What's the other one? There's Dublin and there's what? Dublin. I was looking at an article about all the European central cities. Most of them had a very lovely drone shot of the city or a picture of some beautiful buildings. The best they could do for Dublin was a street-level picture of temple fucking bar.

That's all Dublin has to offer. Temple bar and a giant fucking spike. Sorry, it continues. All the other European capitals are filled with architectural masterpieces and all we have, oh, so they live in Dublin, is a red pub that charges you for a left nut, charges you a left nut for a pint.

Change my mind. Okay, no, no, no, we're not going to get into this Reddit thread. But I still stand by the fact that I want to go to Ireland because I want to find my Paul Mezcal. Fair enough. Is he Irish himself, Paul Mescal? I think he's, no, he's not. Do you know? Okay.

He is so hot. He is everything to me. But I knew it. But I liked normal people because I liked that they lived in like this small town and it was like so quaint. And it looked my favorite part about like European small towns. anywhere. Have you been to like a small town in America? Yeah. They don't feel as much as like homey small towns as they do in like Europe.

You know what I mean? Like I feel like I'm in a small town when I'm in Europe. Does this make sense? Does anyone know what I'm saying? Here I'm like I feel like I'm always connected to a city somehow and it like doesn't feel like a small town. Yeah. I feel like it's because we have like villages like old.

Yes. Yeah. God love a village. Shut up. Seriously. Fuck. Oh, so your ex broke up with you, but you go to the same school. You said John Tucker must die.

How do we get here? Chlamydia. Yeah, chlamydia. Yeah, I prescribed to you John Tucker must die and maybe a trip to the English countryside. Yeah. When my boyfriend and his friends go out, they think it is funny to end the night going to the strip club. I have talked with my boyfriend about how I don't like him going, although my tone was kind of joking. I felt it did get the point across that I truly didn't like it.

well this is past Saturday he went out with his friends and when he saw me next on the Tuesday at his little cousin's birthday so we were at a family event he told me they went to the strip club again how do I handle the situation just be like you're really annoying me seriously at this point you can't go anymore I would just go to the club you would go to the club you would go to the magic mic like yeah you would go to a male strip club and see how he feels yeah okay that's what we prescribed to you chippendales why does he have something for everything what the fuck is chippendale chip and dale chip and dale chip and dale chip and dale is, do you know what Chippendales is? Okay. I am just like a lockbox of like pop culture information. So funny. Yeah, but we prescribed to you Chippendales. And you know what? Yeah, that's what we prescribed to you.

I think my dad has been hitting on my boyfriend. I know I sound fucking insane, but I feel like something's going on between them. When we came over for Thanksgiving, my dad insisted on sitting next to him and was making super uncomfortable jokes about him the whole time. Talking and joking a lot about our sex lives, ew!

And you know what? My dad also comes up and rubs his shoulders from behind. My boyfriend has told me he gets really uncomfortable by this. And I'm not entirely sure what to do. Should I bring this up with my dad or stay quiet? Holy fuck. I really don't know what to prescribe to you, but this needs to be handled. That just gave me so much anxiety.

Like, I hate dealing with things. And like, that is something that just like absolutely needs to be dealt with. What do you think? I don't know. Yeah, right? Because what the fuck do you do? Are you going to talk to your dad? Hey, dad, do you want to fuck my boyfriend?

Yeah, I would be like, wait, something. Because the dad would just be like, well, that's, not true. But it, it, I mean, like, maybe you need to have the conversation so he knows that people are noticing and, like, it's weird. I feel like, how do you bring that up, though? You can't. You can't. You might just have to suffer. I think that's the advice. Yeah, and like, as long as your boyfriend doesn't want to fuck your dad, like, it's, I guess, like, that's so fucking awkward. I feel like there's no cure. There's no cure. Ew. Like, why is he talking about her sex? Like, that's gross. He asked his daughter about their sex life. He jokes about it. That's what she's

saying like it's gross and he's weird. Your dad sounds weird, respectfully. Let's get back to the Valentine's Day themed one. All my BFFs and I usually do a Galentine's together, but this year they all have dates. Me. Like, actually me to my core. Like, I totally get that, but I still have, like, a few single friends. I don't know what to, like, go.

I don't know. Have you ever been in that situation? Alone on Valentine's Day. Yeah It's like But because your other friends are also busy with dates Yeah My best friend is always in relationships

Fucking sucks Actually yeah Yeah Like both my best friends They're always in relationships Fuck See I have that same problem But I still have a few single friends

So like I'm spending time with them On Valentine's Day And I feel really bad for this girl But I think what you need to do Is like obviously take the night in order in, watch a movie. If you cannot stand to be awake, I would take to Benadryl really early in the night at like literally 5 or 6 p.m.

So you can just wake up and Valentine's Day will be over. So true. That's awful. Wait, really? I'm going to put a little legal disclaimer here. Like, I, please don't actually take my advice seriously for Benadryl, but like, I will tell you that I do that all the time. So do with that information what you will.

But like, if I don't want to handle a night, I'll take a Benadryl to go to bed because I'm just like, I can't. Like if I just want to wake up and have the next day start because I'm impatient. It's like pressing fast forward. I do that with phenogram. I think that's how you say that. A what to what? I don't know what it is, but it takes me out.

Fentagram? No, fenogram. Fenigram. What is that? This is good. Wait, in the UK, I was trying to find Benadryl over the counter to sleep. So funny, actually, that we're talking about this. I couldn't find it anywhere except for like, sleepy aid.

And I'm like, what the fuck is this? Oh, it's probably like melatonis. don't know what it was. That shit knocked me out so hard. Is that what that is? Because it is over the counter and it knocked me out. You guys. Like you don't sell Benadryl over there, but you sell something else.

Yeah, so I prescribe not literally Benadryl to go to bed. Or I prescribe to like a night in for yourself and you're like watching your favorite TV show and ordering it. But like I totally understand just like not even wanting to be awake for that. So like I would understand and not judge you if you did a Benadryl moment moment. Do you have any final words for her? No, I don't think so. Yeah, I'm sorry, though. Yeah, that sucks.

You can be our Valentine. It's fine. They might have shit Valentine's Day. Exactly. And Valentine's Day is so commercialized at this point. Like, look, what I'm doing. Like, it's, you know what I mean? Last Valentine's, my ex got so drunk than in the middle of the night,

I walked in on him taking a shit in the men's dorm, urinal. I was so down bad and I cleaned it up. That's insane because you didn't even have to clean it. Like it's in your fucking bathroom. I have like actual chills. I'm so thankful that this guy is her ex. Oh, she said ex. Yeah, she said my ex because that is so devastating to me. Why are you blacking out on Valentine's Day? Who parties on the actually? Actually, I think maybe I did a few years ago. But why are you blacking out on Valentine's Day?

Especially if you're in a relationship. God, I would say I prescribe a breakup, but they seem to... They need advice? Did they just want to tell us that? Sometimes they just want to talk. Okay, fine. I'm like, you know, that's disgusting. But like I said, if you...

Okay, because in the last episode or a few episodes ago, we talked about how this girl, her co-worker, shit on the floor of the office work party. and blacked out and doesn't remember it. And I'm like, okay, this is now, like, the third time I've heard about a story like this. And, like, one of them's from my own experience, like, seeing someone do that. So, like, I just would like to know, like, what the fuck goes through your mind? Like, if you are a party pooper, like, dead ass literally, like, what goes through your mind when that's happening?

Like, how do you feel when you wake up? Like, I'm asking for personal research purposes because I'm, like, so fascinated. Yeah. I think that's insane. Isn't that insane? I've never been drunk enough to, like, ever. Ever, ever. We were at my friend Brett.

I told the story a few weeks ago, her birthday party, and she walked out of her bathroom crying. There was 30 people in her home. Max, I want to say maybe 20. She walked out crying because someone shit on the floor of her bathroom. I just went downstairs and continued pre-gaming. Pre-gaming. She was hysterically sobbing.

We were like, so we think we know who it is because Brett says that she left the bathroom. But, yeah, I just want to know why, honestly, at this point. That you know what? One time I was hanging out with like, this is back when I had like big friend groups. I was like young and there was 10 of us. Oh, those were the worst.

Yeah, well, no, these girls are so sweet. Like, we don't really speak anymore, but like they're nice. Someone shit on the floor and left the bathroom and came back to the function. And then someone else went in there and they were like, oh my God, guys, like what the fuck?

Someone's shit on the floor in here. And to this day, no one knows. Who did it? Who did it? No one knows who done it. Do you have, like, an assumption? I have my suspicions, but I'm not going to say it. Okay, well, totally.

But, like, in your suspicions, we won't say the name. Like, do you, are you like, yeah, no, I know it was them? Like, I'm, like, so sure because I'm so sure that I, like, saw her go into the bathroom. And then I didn't see anyone else, like, go that way. And then she came back and then the other girl went in and was like, guys, what the fuck. That's what happened to Brett. That's what happened to Brett. We were, like, obviously this bitch shit on the floor because if she came out, she would have been like, hey, there's shit on your floor.

Like, no one would just step over that. You know what I mean? I'm dead ass, guys. I need to know the logic behind these people. Like, if that was me, I'd be like, oh my God, oh my God, my God, I just shit on the floor. Like, I need to clean up,

but I need to go home. Like, I need to never show my face again. Like, I don't know how they just continue on. Like, it's bewildering to me. Also, I just don't know how you, like, I guess some people are just, like, wired like that, like to do crazy things when they're drunk. But like, I, like, the drunkest I've ever been,

I've just passed out. Like, I've not done anything insane. I wish I could say the same. Oh, really? Um, This guy I want to be my Valentine clearly knows I like him and it's so embarrassing. So I panicked

and told him I have been in Seattle. Oh, I have a boy... Oh, I panicked and told him I have a boyfriend in Seattle. Okay. So this guy, you want to be your Valentine, knows you like him and you're embarrassed, so you lied and said you had a boyfriend in another state. Okay. It actually worked and we are now pals. He definitely won't make the first move

because he thinks you're dating someone because you lied. So how do I make a story post about Valentine's saying I'm single in a cool way? Smart. I mean, I really hope he doesn't listen to Therapus Girl because he'll definitely know now. But what I would do is like go find like a little cute like cunty meme on like Betches or some like account like that about being single on Valentine's Day and like throw that up. Or like maybe what I would do, this is my prescription, is find like an old 2000s rom-com pinnames. interesting movie

quote about being single on Valentine's Day from the house bunny or like something like that or like in legally blonde when she gets broken up with her throwing popcorn at the thing put that on your story and like if he doesn't catch the hint then like it's not you just end the lie and maybe try again later. Yeah. That's my prescription.

I think that's really smart. Really? Yeah. This is the first time you would do. Yeah. I had fucked up like that. Like a cute little not like a quote but like a little like Pinterest moment.

It's good because it gives her a chance to post a really sexy like post-cry, puffy face. Right back in because I'm actually curious how this is going to work out for you. I lied about having a boyfriend that lives in Seattle. That's your code word. Use it and you, LMK girl. All right, this is the final one. Are you ready? I feel like I just put you through hell.

We have to revisit the girl with the burning UTI. Festering UTI. Can't leave her hanging. Probably took a lot of confidence for her to write that. In high school, I found out my boyfriend only asked me out on a date. Oh, only asked me out on a dare. I'm like, only. What do you want him to do?

Buy you a house? In high school, I found out my boyfriend only asked me out as a dare. So on Valentine's Day, I was way too upset for this loser, but went up to him and slapped him hard. Okay. And I'm just going to just, I, men suck. Ew, it's disgusting. So you called him your boyfriend But it only sounds like they had been on one date

Because he asked her out as a dare So did they progress to being boyfriend girlfriend girlfriend or was that like This one's confusing This is not going to be our last one I guess that was our last one So let's revisit the UTI one, shall we? Okay We're going to reread this for the pussies who have maybe joined us later

Or just forget like me I cannot get rid of my UTI It keeps coming back And I've been hooking up with this guy But I'm pretending it's serious Because I'm lonely I've been pushing through sex But I don't want to tell him

My roommate's ex Also on a different note Is coming to visit for Valentine's Day She asked me to go get rose petals For the bed, so alone Anyways, I already asked this guy to be my Valentine And I'm so worried it's just gonna fester I hate that word

I still don't know if you're talking about your romance or your UTI. I think she's talking about the UTI. What does Vester mean? Have you been like laughing along this whole time? Wait. Oh, like you don't want to take care of you. You need to take care of your UTI, but you already ask this guy to be your Valentine

and you don't want the UTI to continue on. Oh my God! That's what it is. Yeah. Well, girl, I would put your health first. Dead ass. And don't just do this because you're lonely. That's my prescription for you.

Why does he keep giving her UTIs though? Like I'm concerned. No, like she has a UTI and like keeps having sex through them and like, um. I took it as he keeps giving her them. Every time she fixes it, she gets another one. I feel like we need more information. We need a little more information. But if you're worried about your UTI festering, like I would definitely put your health

first and like not have sex with this guy on Valentine's Day just because you're lonely. Anywho. Okay, well, because you're here from London, I wanted to be. play this or that with you. Like, do you prefer this in L.A. Or this in London? Is that okay with you? That's okay with me.

Okay. This or that? Grocery stores, London or L.A. L.A. Why? Oh, my God. Grocery stores in England are so depressing. They are.

They're really gray and horrible. Is Marks and Spencer supposed to be... Huh? I just didn't expect that to come out your mouth. No, I'm knowing. It's Sue. Wagamama. Oh, my God.

God. Yo sushi. Kind of sexy when you do it. Really? Thank you. China Tang. I don't know what that is. It's amazing.

Aka amazing. Have you been to Airwana yet? Yeah. Thoughts. Love it. I actually left empty-handed because I were really overwhelmed. But I like that they have ballet. Yeah.

It's fucking luxurious. And the valet guy gave me a free water. That's my favorite thing about LA is that the most mundane things are somehow the most luxurious. Like luxury. Like in New York, the luxury part of New York, like, the really, like, nice part that, like, you kind of just get is, like, the nightlife. Like, that's where, like, they, like, I feel like, invest a lot of their time. And, like, in L.A., like, it's the gym and the grocery store.

True. Because no one wants to go out. Okay, this or that, London or L.A., traffic. London, I think. No, wait, you must be kidding. The traffic in London made me really question living. Like, that was the norliest thing I've ever been put through. Really?

Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's not that bad. I don't go anywhere. In central London, it's really bad. In central London, yeah. But, you know what you guys don't have that pisses me off? What?

Roundabouts. Yeah, we don't, do we? Why? They're so convenient. Like, they make traffic go quicker because... What is a roundabout exactly? I don't drive. Okay.

It's like, how the fuck do you describe it? It's like a circle of. in the road that the cars go round and like you just give way if someone's coming you just don't go and then the second there's a spot to pull out you go and there'll be like three four five exits like right but so you guys have crossroads with traffic lights right okay so then you have to wait your turn yeah so london is better for traffic it seems i think nightclubs haven't gone out here so london yeah that's the obvious answer too is it the nightlife here isn't great coffee or tea in London or LA

I think coffee here is definitely better yeah I get that yeah you guys are obsessed with it coffee shops everywhere it's everything one time I was in London for the okay like I don't know if this was like a thing how hot it was but I've never been so hot in my life

it was one of the most intense heat waves I've ever been through and I was it was like a it was like two summers ago in London yeah it's fucking crazy because there's no aircon there's no aircon there's nowhere to cool There's also no ice. Oh, yeah. I walked into a Predamanger and I was like, can I have ice?

Say that again. Pretamanger? Again. Predamanger. So close. Is it Predamanger? No. Pranmonger.

Yeah. Well, it said they had iced coffee on the menu. So I was like, okay, can I have an ice coffee? And they were like, what are you talking about? I was like, no. So not only do you not have air conditioning, you don't have ice coffee. Even though it's on your menu and we're in a heat wave, it was one of the most intense things I've ever dealt with in my life.

So yeah, I would assume that the coffee is better here, but tea, I assume, is better in London. I don't know. I haven't even tried any tea out here because I just can't be bothered. I don't like tea. Really? Yeah. Fair enough.

I know. I can't get into it. Okay, fast food. Oh, yeah, obviously. Yeah, but you didn't like, you said in and out wasn't your fave? Like, no. It wasn't that good.

Yeah. But you guys just have more options here, which I appreciate. Although the McDonald's here is not as good. As the one in London. Yeah, I haven't tried McDonald's. donald's here to be fair but like i tried it when i was like 13 and i remember thinking it was fucking disgusting yeah i definitely i think that i think the fast food is it is like better food

quality in london i'm trying to think of the places i would go to in london for fast food i kind forget honestly they're like aren't any yeah there aren't any i don't oh i had nando's once that was good is that fast food that's not fast it's fast casual it's fast casual fast food fast casual is like I don't know how to describe it It's just like a little step up Do you guys have Nando's here? No, I wish

It's really good though It's really I really liked it when we had it I can't I feel like I haven't had I'm trying to think of like London chains That like what are some London chains I want to know if I like want to hit the spots

Do you like it too? I've never been It's amazing I remember Alfie Deys always used Do you know how that is? Oh my God Do you know who that is? Who?

You look like you would have liked Alfie days. I don't know how to... Who's Alfie days? Like British. I know who Zoe. I know Zoella. Yeah. Her husband.

Yes. Okay. I know who this is now. Okay. I know who this is now. And he used to go to It's too. I love It too. I like Wagamama.

It's way better in London than it is here. Yeah. Oh, you have Wagamamas here? Like, yeah. I had my birthday party there once in high school. And I got there and they did not have my reservation under. And it was like 10 people. And I actually was the worst moment.

in my life. This or that? Dating. Dating? Yeah. I've only ever dated in London, so I have to go with London. Okay. Live shows, music, comedy, etc.

Oh, never been anywhere. I'm going to tell you right now London's better. You've never been to a live show period or you've never been... Period, I think. A concert? No. That's really bad. I did not camp.

Stenbury. Okay, so you have been to a concert. Fine, but I only went to one show. That was the only show you've ever seen? I saw Lynn Gannon concert when I was like 14. Oh, so you, like, don't go to live shows, really. No, I guess. That's so pathetic.

No, it's not, but I think you would really like them. And I'll tell you right now, LA's not the place to start. The best live shows are in London. Oh, really? Yeah, they're like, London's known for having great crowds. Like, you know, like Wireless Festival? Oh, no, I, yeah, no, I could, yeah. Yeah, like,

Okay, like England, New Zealand, Australia, like, they're the good crowds. They just, like, don't care about anyone else in L.A. It's a very, like, everyone's, like, hyper aware of everyone around them, and it's, like, not a vibe. Okay, this or that. Parties.

Never been. Yeah, so London. Tourism. I feel like tourism in London is really good. Yeah, I think so, too. It's fun. Like, you get, like, there's things to see. What the fuck is there to see in L.A.,

no offense. The sign. That's it. Some houses. No, there's nothing to see in L. I. I did take a tour the last time I was here. I went on one of the Beverly Hills tours.

Did you actually on like the TMZ bus? I don't know what it, yeah. Was it fun? When was the last time you were here? Last, late last year. October maybe. Yeah, that's my favorite time in L.A. Favorite, not just because it's my birthday.

But that does play a big part in it being my favorite time in L.A. Okay, well, what did we learn today, you think? In the course of the tummy what's wrongs, what was our biggest takeaway? because I have mine. I think I learned like 50 new words. Really? Yeah. Is there any that stood out to you?

Was the one that he keeps saying, Aca? Aca. Yeah. Aca amazing. It's like a prefix. Ocause me. It stands for Acapella. So have you seen Pitch Perfect?

I got that it stood for Acapella. I just don't know why. Because in pitch perfect, they're like really big Acapella people and they say, Oca excuse me? Like, that's Aca amazing. So I just, me and my friends kind of adapted that. So cute.

Yeah. So I guess what you took away is the new word or the new prefix ACCA. And what I took away was that you should always put, like, if you're like considering having sex with a guy, but like, we actually, maybe no, that's not what I took away. Oh, what I took away is I'm still very curious how one shits on the floor of a party and continues partying without making it a big deal. So if that has happened to you, please, I'm begging you right in and tell me your story. I've never been more curious for anything in my entire life. Madeline? Maybe you'll get the actual girl that this.

I'm begging. I would pay money. I'd pay money and I'd send you merch for life. Madeline, thank you so much for coming on. Did you have fun? I did. Okay, promise. I love you.

Can we go now? Oh, that was really fun. What's that good? Oh, fuck, I forgot one thing. Sorry, I always forget you guys. Oh, your sessions up. Thank you for joining us at Therapeut. us today with the queen, Madeline, who is the coolest person ever. Thank you for coming on,

Madeline. You are the best. I love you. Thank you. Hi, pussies. Put your tents up. Put your tense up. Tents up.