Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 138: Max Greenfield

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

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Welcome to therapist, Max. I'm so excited. We've been hanging out every day this week. Should we just break down our journey? Our journey? Okay, well, why don't we start in Paris? We met in Paris. Okay.

We then got dinner in Paris and drinks. Yeah, we got dinner in Paris. I mean, it was such a whirlwind. Because we met up. You met my daughter. lovely the best she loves you I love her conflicted about our relationship why well because she's like

I know that I only really met Jake because of you but also now I want you at the picture because she wants it can't happen once to be back Matt Max and I found out every single day this week every single day this week Monday we saw each other at the charts we're in a we're in a relationship we're in a relationship like a proper one Tuesday we went and saw play together we saw oh Mary with Meg you're going

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go. You're going so far. Okay. So we, you hung out with my daughter and you were so generous with her and with us and it was

just, we had a great, great, great day. It was so easy. She was the best. And then I, I think we saw each other in the lobby of the hotel. Yeah, we had a drink. And I was about to come out to New York to do some press. And I said to you, I was like, you know, I don't really, I haven't done this in so long. I go, what press is like, really?

I was interested to ask you. And I had no. There was, I wasn't, I wasn't trying to like. like angle to do the podcast or anything. I know you weren't. I was like, what should I do? And I was like, uh, I was like, uh, I was like, what press is meaningful now? Because we have this movie and it fits into like a certain demo.

And I felt old. And I was like, what do you think, Jake? And you go, well, you should just do the pod. And I was like, oh, I hadn't even thought that was an option. I didn't know where your schedule was. And so you were like, no, no, no, just do it. And I was like, oh, now I'm going to have to follow up. And then he's going to blow me off.

And I'm going to feel so quite the opposite. Quite the opposite. Then we... We hung out. We saw each other Monday night. Had a torrid love affair. Well, you went to Abiza for a few days. No, I went to Mallorca.

Lily and I were tracking your journey. Uh-huh. That whole time. And what did you think? Well, she kept pulling me aside. And then you guys called me because thank God. Your girls were like, who's going to be on the podcast? And what did they say?

They said, Schmit! Thank you. And you, and you were, like, who was going to be on the podcast. went and you went who no that's not true i facetime max and i was like oh my god like you i have this great they were like freaking out da da da da da by the way thank god because i really needed this because all throughout paris every time we hung out 87 girls would run up to jake and be like oh my god oh my god oh my god i love you i love you and then they look to the right or left and like maybe

one out of every five would go oh and i i love you too but you're an internet National superstar. So then we went to New York. We both went to New York. Yeah, yes. Okay. And we saw each other Monday night. Yeah, that was random.

And I was wearing the sweater and you were wearing a yellow sweater. And I said, I'm always fucking 20 with you, even though I wasn't. We looked so good, though. We did look good. Yeah. Ryan Murphy gave me a hug and he goes, look at you. I think he called me like a banana cream pie or something. But he was so excited that you were there.

And I was so excited to see him there. The show's great. The show's amazing. The show was so good. It was so sexy and fun and cool. And you came with who, Kaya? I came with Kaya. I was very lucky.

It was Kaya's date. Well, actually, no. Lewis was Kaya's date. But I got to sit with Kaya at the premiere. So I felt very special. And then were you with Cindy as well? Yeah, the queen. The queen.

The queen. And then talk about amazing. We do have to talk about Netflix movie. Don't take a good look. Hold on. You're jumping so far ahead. We've had a full week. I know.

But I keep trying to get to the week and you keep being like, no, you're going ahead. But then you'll just take on. Okay, so Monday we did, Monday we did shards. And Monday we did charts. And then Tuesday we did O'Mary with Meg Stalter. Which was amazing. Which was so great. And she was so incredible in it.

And then I love that she was like, hey, I want to see you guys after the show. Come meet with us. Or meet with me in the cast, whatever. And then gave us directions. And she was like, just walk around the theater and meet us in the back. And so we were like, okay. And so you and I walked around and I didn't know that around the corner meant like in the middle of Times Square. And I'm so, I was happy that I was there because I thought you were going to melt.

I know. I know. I think I was. Was I high? Yeah. Okay. I was like, was I high? But we turned the corner and we're like in the middle of Times Square and I just looked at you and you went like this.

Yeah, I couldn't. I couldn't walk. I was like, I can't walk. You need to guide the way. I don't know where I'm going. I just had to grab your hand and we like rushed off. Uh-huh. That was great.

Torrid. Yes. Torrid. And then we did some acting. Yes, and then I said, oh my God. Well, you know what? I've hung out with him Monday, Tuesday, and I have this self-tape that I really want to get. I'm like, might as well just ask Max if he can tape with me.

And he came over yesterday. And we hung out for two hours and you taped with me. You were so good. But you actually want to know what really connected us at first is that you're from Dobbs Ferry. And I'm from Hastings. Oh my God, that's right. Yes.

You and Marcus Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg is not from Hastings. That's what I've heard. Him and Ricky Lake. Pause. White Plains, New York. White Plains. By the way, that's, I feel like it changed.

Not that similar. That'd be saying like Mark Zuckerberg is from Jobs Ferry. Oh, no, he's from White Plains. It's not the same. Okay, so hold on. I know we talked about this. Did you go to Hastings High School? I went to Farragut Middle School.

Okay. And then I went to Hillside Elementary School. Okay. Did you expect it to be this? I needed an audience. I need laughs. I know. Well, right.

Because you've done single cam and multi-cams that comes. Thank you for, see, look at you doing your research. I know. Oh, my God. You did so much prep work. I did. Well, what's the, so in a multi-cam, there's a laugh track. Yeah, sometimes.

Well, you usually do it in front of a live studio audience. Like, you know, they used to say, like, this cheers is taped in front of a live studio audience. And then, you know, you would get, like, when you, like, I did Will & Grace and you are at, and it is like a rock show because everyone knows they're coming to Will and Grace, and everyone's in the audience, and they're ready to laugh. And that's all real laughter that's on that show.

But some shows use sort of a laugh track. especially when you're taping without an audience, they'll just plug it in. Or you'll bring in laughers, which is always... And you can sometimes tell. You're like, that was a real laugh. When you did the neighborhood, could you tell? Yeah, every once in a while you'd be like this.

I got them, that was real. And so when you shoot a multi-cam, do you not have to do multiple takes because it's all just happening? You do multiple takes, but you're rehearsing all week, and then you tape on, you know, a Monday and Tuesday and you're just doing scenes. So which do you prefer?

I like everything. It all depends. You know, you do anything long enough. You're like, I want to do the other one. And then you want to go back and you want to go forth. But when you're doing it in front of a live studio audience, it's so much fun. We lost ours because of COVID.

And then it was cost effective for them not to have it. So we didn't have it anymore. But when you're in front of a live studio audience and the writing's good and all the actors are clicking and you're in a good zone with everybody, it's the best. Sometimes my friends fake laugh at me and I know when you'd be great you'd be great On a I love being in front of a live studio audience I know I know and you feed off it and like it's you and even when sometimes the laughs were not real

I'd pretend they were and I'd be like that's oh my god I'm really funny today right Is it true you were a spin instructor? I was for a minute yeah What was that like? Why did you ask it like that? Well I just like can't it feels very Schmidt to be a spin instructor Thank you I made a video. about it. You did. You also,

well, do people know about the Hills video you made? Oh my God. The Hills video I made is everyone should know about

the Hills video I made. It was the first season a new girl. And I was so happy to be on a TV show and I loved the character so much. And I was just like,

I'm going to go the opposite route of like being worried about being pigeonholed in like a role. I was like, I'm going to pigeonhole myself into this role. Uh-huh.

And I went and filmed, in this crazy dating profile video. Yes. That was me. Yes, I showed it to you. I was really proud to show it to you. I was really,

it was amazing. It would look just like the hills. It was shot for shot, the theme of the hills with me and only me in it. And some drone footage. Yeah, and some drone footage. And me,

actually, I don't know how we got that footage. But I was, that was my first question. You were like, we shot this in a day. I was like, where did the drone footage come from? I think we, like, got up on, on the root on like on like a hill on the PCH and filmed it it was crazy it was great i was you should post that i did i was on i didn't do i should repost it repost it well you should post it please yeah i'll post it but uh so then so then we made i remember there's like an issue with with like

the studio where they're like we have to pay for the kiley minogue song um and and i was like you mean i screwed up well who is it Natasha betting field yeah yeah Natasha beddingfield okay i'm sorry The studio was like all up in arms because they had to like then pay for the Natasha Benningfield song. Mm-hmm. Were you a Hills Watcher? Yeah. With your phase. Who was my fave?

I don't know. I just, I like watched it with Tess, my wife. Who's the best? Who loves you. I love her. I liked Conrad in the beginning. You got sick of her, huh? I don't know if I got, I think I got sick of the show, really.

But you know the best scene. One of my favorites. seem that Tess and I will like do bits off of it. It was like, you know what you did. Yeah, and I want to forgive you, but I want to forget you. Here, this is the audition. This is the audition. Okay.

You know what you did, go. Mm-mm. I don't want to. And then, but you know, well, what's the other one? You'll always be known as the girl who didn't go to Paris. This was like the exercise we did at dinner where Tess and, and I cornered you and you were talking about like, you have to be in a position where if you like a guy,

you need to say to him like, hey, are you single? Oh my God, I forgot we did this. Oh my God, you guys made me go on a fake date at dinner. I know. With like the error. But then like, okay, but like I think it's interesting. I think we should do it again. Okay.

All right. Okay. Okay. So I'm the guy. I'll play the guy. Okay. We're having a good time. We're vibe and everything's, and I have, and like, I'm using my mic.

Yeah. proper way. You're like, oh, my God, this guy's really good with the mic. Okay. And now, all of a sudden, you're like, oh, I really like this guy. Like, maybe there's something more here. And I'm going to have to now ask him, are you single?

Oh, my God. Okay, here we go. They made me do this at dinner in front of like, okay. It was in front of no one. It was me and says. It was in front of no one. Are you? Why are your eyes closed?

Are you okay. Are you asleep? Because I'm getting into character. Oh, I thought you were sleeping. Okay. Well, are you serious? single. That wasn't horrible.

That was pretty good. Right? That wasn't horrible. Okay. Yeah, why? I don't want to play anymore. You got enough out of me. That was good.

At dinner, it was wild. Was I even drunk? I don't know, but, well, by the way, it was like an hour three at that dinner. And we both were like, you at some point, we're like this. I got to get back to my computer. At some point, I looked at a test and I was like, we should rub that. And she goes, why? And I go, what?

I go, we're in trouble. You know, I wasn't on my phone. I wasn't on my computer. I was starting to sweat. I was like, I was like, we're going to be here forever. We shut the restaurant down. And then some people tried to come and go into the restaurant. I said, honey, it's closed.

So when you booked New Girl? Yes. Well, did you have, were you like, oh, this is going to be great. It has Zoe D. Chanel. Like, I had auditioned for so many different movies. I'm sorry, TV shows. And not my. movies. And, and gotten close on so many. And, you know, Tess was a, is a long-time casting director

and casting executive. And so we were, like, really, I don't know, connected to the business in a way, where we sort of knew what shows had more of a shot than other shows and which ones felt significant. And New Girl was one of those. And I could not believe. leave that it was happening. And I felt, because, you know, Liz Maryweather was a, who is an extraordinary writer, but she was a really hot writer. Jake Casson was directing the pilot. He was a very cool director and had a lot of, like, power at that time.

It was, Zoe was like a movie star doing TV, network TV. Which was huge at the time. Which was, yeah, especially comedy was like not happening. And so we felt so. lucky to be a part of that show. I remember like Jake and I were the first two cast after Zoe. And I mean, we would call each other because we then had to then, we then auditioned, I don't know, 4,000 people for Lamorne's role.

Uh-huh. And I had experienced this before where, and it wasn't me, but I've seen it, where like, you all of a sudden are doing chemistry reads with other actors. And at some point, somebody goes. I was, you know, maybe it's the other two guys, and it's not the guy we can't find. And maybe we need to switch this whole thing. Oh, so?

And so I was worried I was going to get fired because they were seeing so much of us because we were auditioning with so many different people for Lamoran's role. And so Jake and I would call each other, we'd be like this, make sure, like you don't wear the same, like us with our yellow sweaters. Right, of course.

I was like, don't wear the same thing because at some point they might be like, maybe they're too similar or like this or like. And so we'd call each other. We'd like outfit coordinator. Nate and like it was so wild and stressful and crazy but well then we got Damon came in we did the pilot with Damon who we all knew who was like oh my god but he wasn't really available because he was doing this other show happy endings but they thought maybe that show would get canceled it did not

and so then he had to go and then Lamorne came in in episode two and both your names are Winston yeah we discovered that much later I was what did you watch all of the did you know I watched a good amount of it. I watched it when it was on TV. And then I was like, I never watch. Like, I go through periods where I'm like, I'm watching about, like, right now I'm watching a lot of sci-fi. What are you watching?

Silo. Is it good? I'm like, it's fine. I like that you said I'm watching a lot of sci- Like, I don't know what's going on right now. I'm watching. Silo. Because it's like, it's like, okay.

I mean, okay, and then I'm going to go back to New Girl, but like basically season one, you're like, what's going on? The end of season one, you're like, oh, okay. Season two, you're like, okay. The end of season two, you're like, oh, shit, okay. And now season three, you're like, okay, let's get there. When we talk about don't say good luck,

because at some point we're going to. I tried. We can do it now. I want a review like that. It was the best movie I've ever seen in my life. Only using the word okay. Okay. Take me through the whole movie using only the word, okay.

When I started, don't say good luck. Uh-huh. I was like, okay. And then waitress got involved, which is, and I love the song, she used to be mine. So I was like, okay. And then there was a little bit of a cancer. And I said, okay. Okay, when's the needle drop going to happen with?

She used to be mine. And then the needle drop happened with she used to be mine. And I said, okay. And I was sobbing. Also, when the mom was at the kitchen table, the grandma was at the kitchen table, screaming at Sunny, I was like, oh, I'm like, okay, like, fuck. It was amazing.

It was amazing. I called you right after, I sent you photos of me crying. Alex watched it. He sobbed. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's actually amazing. That was the best review of anything I've ever been in in my entire life.

It's amazing. Like, to me, it feels really like, it feels like one of those. movies where I was like, I want to watch it again. And I don't feel that way about movies, ever. I know, it's like, it's, I thought Julie Hart who directed the movie, did such a good job. And you really is one of those movies where just feel it. And Sunny is so good.

Sunny's a star. Let's talk about Sunny. Sunny is a star. Right? She can say, she can act. That's all live, too. I could, I was, I was, I was about to say I could tell, but like, it could have not been live and I wouldn't have been able to tell. I wouldn't have known either, but, like, I was on set and I watched it and it was like a bit.

Like, I didn't know, I don't know these things. Oh, she's saying that live, like, to the camera. Yes. Oh, so she can really sing. Yes. Wow. Because I remember getting there and then be like, and it was a big deal because they were like, Sonny's going to sing all the songs live.

And I was like, what does that mean? Right. And they were like, she's actually going to sing the songs like on camera. And I go. And that's a hard song to sing, by the way. For us. Right. Best song ever, by the way.

Do you like theater? Oh, yeah. We went to theater. Like, are you a theater guy? No, but like, do you like, do you go a lot? Like, theater? Yeah.

Not as much that, I mean, if I lived in New York, I would go a lot more. Would you? Yeah, of course. Okay. But now I only go to shows with you. Okay, I will only go to shows with you. Or my mom. Okay, then, okay.

All right, I feel like that's fair. That's fair. Okay. And if I find out you go. I won't go with anyone else. If you go with Glenn Powell. Yeah, I won't go with anyone else. Only you.

I'm going to be. furious. No, I, and I know you will too. Yeah, and I'll find out. And I know you'll find out. Yeah. Do you know how high I got yesterday when we did the self-tape? Because in the, okay, in the self-tape, it says he's smoking a joint.

I'm like, never have I ever been able to get high for an audition. I'm going to get high for this audition. And by the end of it, I was like, all right, like, do you remember how stoned I was? Well, you were like this. Should I smoke for this? And I was like, I mean, you can. And you were like, I think, I'm going to smoke.

And I was like, yeah, go for it. Do your thing. And then you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, smoking, doing another thing. And I don't think

you were prepared for like how many takes I was about to make you do. No, but I never tape. I don't think I can tape with anyone else ever again. Because your wife is a casting director, so you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and I was like, oh, shit. That's what she does with me.

It's no joke. Well, that's why I felt so comfortable with you because I was like, oh my God, I can only imagine what test puts you through. when you're taping. So, like, you get it. Yeah, totally. Totally.

But, like, at some point, you stood up and you were like, I'm fucking high. Yeah. I was out of my mind. You were so good, though. Let's hope I get it. You were so good.

I mean, he was supposed to be smoking throughout the whole thing. So, like, whatever. Whatever. You know what's funny is how you replaced one of the characters in the pilot episode because he had to do happy endings.

You replaced someone, in the neighborhood. Did you not? Yeah, they were going to make the pilot, or they were, they were going to make the series. They had shot the pilot, and they were replacing two of the actors in the show. But, you know, they had come to me very early on for that show. And I was not, I just wasn't in a space where I was going to do it. And then they were like, we're making the show. And they sent me the pilot, and I watched the pilot.

And I was like, this is really good. and I knew Cedric a little bit and we had some mutual friends and so we met and he was so great and really had a handle on what the show was about and what he wanted to do with the show and it just sort of at that point felt like this is a brand new adventure

and like the multicam of it all. I was about to say the multi-cam. Yeah, I thought it was cool and also like that schedule is incredible because you're rehearsing all week. You're not like, you know, we're just waiting for the lighting to get set up. Oh, really?

Yeah. And so, like, you know, there are days where you'll go in for like four hours. And with my kids at the age that they were, I was like, this is perfect. And if this runs, it's incredible. And so, like, you know, I was at everyone in Lily's volleyball games. I would pick up my son. I would drop them off. Well, Lily just made varsity.

Big time, baby. Let's go. She was Libero. I was Libero. Me and Lily have a lot in common. Will you coach her? No, I was terrible. So, no, I can't teach Lily how to play volleyball.

Okay. Well, she made varsity. It's a big deal. Yeah. She's Libero. I was Libero for a week. I was a mess. A mess.

What were you like in high school? Well, I know you graduate. Well, you didn't graduate. You graduated high school, but you were in Wisconsin and you had a 1.0 GPA. It would be nice if that was that high. It was a .067. Shut. How is that possible?

Too much glug, glug, glug. Right? Right. But like I drank four times a week in college and I was cum laude. Did you have fun? You had a lot of fun. Madison, right? Yeah.

Were you in frat? For a year and it was wild. It was that we call that the forgotten year. I have those. Sometimes I think I'm in it now. I'm like, I don't remember what I did last week. What was your forgotten year? My forgotten year was my freshman year of college.

You're like 98. No, my forgotten year was my freshman year of college and... USC, right. Yeah, and senior year was pretty forgotten. I mean, I used to black out like nobody's business. Have ever, has that ever happened to you? Too many times. So many times that many people, including myself, had to realize there was a problem.

Yeah, well, you know, I think I have one too and it's really just... I'll get there one day. I will. I mean, I tried to quit smoking weed. I quit for nine months. Went back on that. Alcohol. I don't think.

I can't get through a social situation without it. I mean, that's not good. I can't. I literally can't. I'm like, literally like, I can. I'm like, uh. Yeah, I mean, that's called dependency. I mean, the alternative is you just like get through it,

which is sometimes so much worse. No, you have to, I have to, I have to drink. I mean. Every time before a date, two shots. Well, you at that dinner, at some point I looked at you and I was like, and you go, we were there for 800 hours each time. And you said this so sweetly. I was like, I had so much empathy for you, but at some point, you just went,

back to my computer. I love, I need my computer. You guys don't understand. I can't text on my phone. I cannot text on my phone. The keyboard moves too slowly for my hands, so I need to be on a computer text it. And so if I don't get to my computer, I can't respond to all the text that I've missed all day.

I miss every text, every text. I have to respond on my computer. I'll be in a group chat, and my friends will be like, are you on your computer? I'm like, yes. I have that same thing. It's not a computer thing, but like there are just,

there are times where I can sit and like, I have to be in the right space to really, like, address all the emails and texts. Oh, emails. Do you know what that is? Sometimes. Sometimes. You said, oh, emails.

Hmm. Because I'm like, I'm not like sitting there. How many unread emails do you have on your phone? Do you really want to know? Yeah. I think it's last time I checked, it was, I think it was like 50,000. But mind you, it's like a bunch of like. And it's a bunch of, it's hard.

It's like spam. Okay, I'll tell you right now. How many? Well, I'm not on my spam account. So 21,000. And that's not with my spam. My spam is like... Is it bad that I'm like...

That's not so bad. And then you unread text. Yeah. What's your text? That's bad. Because text... 792. Oh my God.

Mm-hmm. I'm a hard guy to reach sometimes. What can I say? I feel so flattered that you respond to my types. I respond very quickly to you. Oh, my God. Because I'm like, Max texted me and we're on a week-long play date. That's never going to end.

When are you flying back to Paris? Tonight. No. I know. I'm really going to miss you. I... I mean, at some point, I said to you, I texted you, I was like, how are we going to say goodbye? I don't know.

You guys, we spend every day of this week together. Everyone's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm with Max. You've had some pretty famous guest stars on New Girl. Taylor Swift. Oh, my God. Prince. Right.

But, I mean, Prince. Prince. Prince is pretty crazy. We can stop the list right there because everybody. How did Prince happen? Prince was crazy So we got the slot after the Super Bowl And Fox was like

It's going to be you and the show Brooklyn 9-9 And Fox was like We need to elevate those episodes You got to get like a great Like some sort of guest start on the show But like our big one And Brooklyn 9-9 as Andy Sandberg And all these connections to SNL

And they were like Do you want Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell. And I think they ended up with Will Ferrell maybe. They had like a list of people that they could get to in a heartbeat. And I think Andy put it. And they were like, great, we have Will or something like that. And Liz Maryweather was like, you know, has connections to like the theater world.

And was like, is Anthony rap like a good get? And so she was sort of like, I don't know what to do. And somehow we found. found out that Prince was a fan of the show. Uh-huh. And I don't know how it happened, but they reached out to Prince, and Prince was like, y'all don't. And we were like, he's never going to show up.

And to the minute that, like, we were on set and, like, there were marks on the ground. We didn't know if he was going to be there. And then all of a sudden, at, like, midnight, he just comes. And you were going to go. Did just, like, could you hear a pin drop? Yes. And you're like, that's Prince. It was wild.

And then he, like, wrote a song for the show that he was supposed to be a party at his house. And he was, he had said that he should be DJing the party. And so he was up on the DJ because he didn't want to, like, perform the song. But he's playing the song. And then the conceit of the scene was then Zoe, there's like the end of the episode. Zoe jumps up on the stage. He invites Zoe up on stage, and they're, like, they're grooving out to the song. and then she calls up all her friends, us.

And so then we jump up on the stage. And I remember, like, before they called action, I said to myself, I was like, this will never happen again. Right. So, like, forget about the scene, forget about the show, forget about your character, like any of that stuff.

I go, you're just going to jump up on stage and be with Prince and see what happens. And so they call action, and I run up on stage, I jump up and I was like the closest to the DJ booth, which is where he was, and I look over at him and, you know, I'm dancing. Yeah. And I look over and he looks at me and he looks at like me dancing and I could see he's like, man, this guy is. Really feeling it?

This guy's right on, man. Were you like just so in the moment? I don't even remember. I just was like let myself move, man. Yeah. Which was humiliating. But he could tell and he was just. like all right man and like i could see like he almost sort of felt bad for me in a little bit no he

didn't i think he did a little bit but no he was so kind and he was so great and i just i'll never forget that it was just like one of these moments where you're up there and he's looking at you and you're like that's fucking prince man that was so crazy crazy that is one of the crazy craziest guest stories i've ever heard it was crazy and that taylor's taylor did and but like taylor wasn't quite yet. Taylor. Yeah. But I remember she was on set.

We were hanging out. And she was so kind. She was so perfect. She was like a better actor than all of us. And I remember asking her, I said, can I have a question? She was like, yeah, sure. And I go, if you could play like to an intimate audience or a big arena, like, what do you prefer?

And she goes, without. missing a beat. She goes, if you could fill the ocean with people, I'd like to play for that. And I went. You're lying. I mean... That is the most incredible response I've ever heard. It was... Because she did that. Yeah. Where'd you go? Where'd you see it? I saw it three times in L.A. and I saw it once in Vegas. We were probably at the same show. Were you in L.A.? Yeah. I went to the Friday night. Mm-mm. I was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. What were your secret songs? We're surprised. I got... I got New Year's Day. I got New Romantics. I got our song twice. I got our song in Vegas. You got New Year's Day. It was unbelievable. That's my favorite song. I got dress. New Year's Day is my favorite song.

Unbelievable. What do you love about New Year's Day? I listen to it every morning. It makes me cry. New Year's Day is your favorite Taylor Swift song. When I first heard New Year's Day, because I remember being... What is it? There's a glitter on the floor after the park. Please, please. Please. Like, you don't under like... After the part. I got on the floor. After the party. I got on the floor. After the party. Girls can't bring the shoes down in the lobby. Kindle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor. You and me forever.

Oh, my God. We can't. I'm going to call the job. I can't go back. We're going to spend this week together, too. We have to. Don't we? The last page.

Oh, I'm going to start crying. I don't want to do it. It's the best song ever. The best song ever. I just remember the marketing of that album. so harsh and like very because it was. You have to pay for the rights for that? No, no, no, no. The marketing of reputation was very much like, like,

like, harsh and volatile and like she's like angry. And then you have this beautiful love story on the album being told through this anger and it ends in that song. And it's just, it's one of the best albums of all times. That song crushes me. We got, we got our song and. Oh, so we were on the same night. I was on, I was there for our song.

You get in our song? Yeah. Is this love, I think? You are in love? You are in love? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't get you are in love. I'm so jealous.

That was a good one. That's a great one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, my favorite line in that song? She says, she says, you understand now why they lost their mind and fought the wars and why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words. That was like a monologue. Yeah, because everything she does is a monologue.

She's perfect. She's perfect. What was your favorite episode of New Girl to film ever? I mean, the Prince episode was cool. Outside of the guest stars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was one we did season one called Control. There was a director named Jesse Peretz who did it,

who I love, who, by the way, did a lot of girls. Oh. Which I know you love. I love girls. But Jesse's like a phenomenal director, and he directed this episode and it was called Control, and I loved it so much, and it was like where Schmidt and Jess go on the,

I break some furniture in the episode, and you can see that I have, like, control issues. And she's like, you got to lighten up, and she takes me to the beach, and I end up, like, integrating with all these hippies, and, like, all of a sudden, like, you know, and getting lost, and then they're like, we need Schmidt back, he's lost his mind,

and I was like, I'm not coming back. And then finally, I think, like, you know, it resolves, where I'm in the kitchen and I'm cooking and cleaning and they're like, is he, is he back? And I turned to them in some way and I'm like this. Yes, I understand my role here. And they're like, and they're like what I was like, I'm the mom. You are, you were the mom a little. I am the mom, yes.

Yes. Did you ever live with anyone like this? Like, did you relate to the show at all? No. But the writing was so great and so funny. And I, we loved making it. And Jake and I were, we would shoot these, like, crazy hours. And we would do so many takes and, like, so much of what ended up in that show,

like what you just described to me, I have no recollection of. Right. Do you like to improv? Yeah, you do. Sometimes. Jake was like, Jake is very good at it. Uh-huh. And so he would push, he could push it in different ways.

And when I'm with somebody's good, I like to do it. I'm not as good at initiating it and guiding it. I disagree. Thanks. I think you're really good at guiding it. Thanks. Because when we were taping yesterday, you wouldn't let me stop, and you kept pushing it, and you kept going.

Well, you needed some extras, but you were very good with it, and it really added to, especially that. I love improv. You were very good at. I love making stuff up, but I don't like lying. Do you lie? I mean, it's my job. Well, no, do you lie?

In real life? Yeah. No. You're only sick as your secrets. You're only sick as your secrets? That's right. But I'm so sick all the time. I'm like actually ill all the time.

My belly hurts. My belly always hurts. What's your biggest pet peeve? My biggest pet peeve? Oh my God. I have so many of them. Right now. Like what do you think?

Oh, what are you therapists about this week? My issue has been that it's very hot out. It's very hot out. It doesn't look at. Yeah, but that's fine. I like it when it's hot. It's fun to walk. It's nice.

I like it. You love to walk. But then you will walk into anywhere that's inside, and the AC has turned down to what feels like 50. And it is a shocking environment to put your body in after having been outside. I've never. I can't even. explain to you

the ways in which I disagree with you right now. That is what you're upset about. I'm sorry, I've never, you're upset that there's air conditioning? Well, I feel like I have to layer. No. Because all of a sudden I'm outside, I'm in shorts and T-shirt,

and then all of a sudden I walk inside and I'm like, if I'm here for more than 20 minutes, I'm going to need a sweater. Or a blanket. Yeah, where the fuck am I going to get a blanket? Thank you. That's where. If this blanket was available for me everywhere I went,

I'd feel great. Do you sleep hot or cold? Well, what do you mean do I sleep hot or cold? Do I like the room cold? Yeah. I like the room at about 70. Do you really want this blanket or I feel like I forced it on you? It's not uncomfortable.

Okay, so you can eat. But I'll do this. I sleep at like a 71. Whoa. Where are you at? 62. You're going to break the. the air conditioner.

I know, it's at 62 right now. Are you cold? Are you chilly? I'm freezing. That's why I wore a sweater. I know. It's cold in here, right? It's awesome.

Sometimes I wake up. This is why you're sick all the time. Well, yeah. I can only picture my wife right now going like, did you and Jake talk about your stomachs? My stomach hurts all the time. Does your stomach hurt all the time too? All the time.

To the point where... I have to be so careful with what goes in. What do you think it is? because we're both Jewish. I know. It's the lactose. I know it is, by the way. It's the lactose and it's the gluten.

We need to stop. I don't know. I don't know what it is. It's the lactose and the gluten. You're not a scientist. Are you a scientist? No, but I'm Jewish. What's the science?

It's that you're Jewish. It's not you're Jewish. And it's the lactose and the gluten and the red meat. Like, Jews are just like delicate creatures. Well, our stomachs are. And our minds. And our bones. And our bones.

by the way. Yeah, we're delicate. I'm literally, I'm gonna get hypothermia from this fucking room. Please. You don't understand how hot it gets

in the therapist room in L.A. I'm gonna have to go directly to the hospital after this. Please. Have you ever gone hypothermia? No. Or been close to it. Have you?

No, I wish. Have you ever gotten frostbite? I wish. Why do you wish that you had frostbite? I love being cold. I say, I always say, you can always add more layers if you are cold.

If you are hot, you cannot rip your skin off. Do you think, have you ever seen that movie alive? About the soccer team that gets stranded? No! And they eat each other? No!

You've never seen it? No! You gotta watch it, but they get, they're up in the... How cold are they? Freezing. Is it based on a true story? You would love it.

Yes. Oh, I'm so sorry to them. It is. You would love it. Is it like yellow jackets? Well, they don't eat, like, each other, like, alive. Okay. They have to eat the dead bodies to survive.

What do you watch on television? I watched the Knicks. That was my, like... You know what was at Game 4? I know you were. By the way, that was like, my daughter comes running down the stairs as I'm watching the game. And she was like, Jake, Shane is there! And I was like, okay.

I need, like, this is... I was excited, but I also was like, it's not about that right now. No. You were at the good game Dude, I was at one of the best Walk me through that Did you have you talked about it on the show? I don't have I?

A little bit Okay, so Tate invited me She was like, I have a plus one Do you want to come with me? I'm like yeah, please Like everyone's talking about the Knicks right now That sounds amazing

Like I grew up in New York Like it's the Knicks You felt great I felt great I was drunk And then you're at this game And they were Lusane And they were Lusin

And I was stressed as fuck And the guy serving the drinks Was like I'm from the Bronx Trust me, all that needs to happen is Jalen Brunson needs to start throwing a few threes. And the second he does that, everything will switch and will win. Was there ever a moment for you, we were like, should we get out of here? No.

Good for you. No. I know, but there was a lot of people who were like, man, they're down 30. I know, but like, that's disrespectful. I'm from New York. Yeah, totally. I'm not going to leave the Knicks when they're down. And I'm so happy I did it.

And then all of a sudden it started to roll. I was in the bathroom. And I heard. And I said, I looked at Tate and I said, and we ran outside and they were coming back. And it was like, I mean, watching, who put that last tip in? O.G. and O.G. and O.G. and O.G. and O.G. Nobby put the tip in when, because he tossed it and then it didn't go in and it went, boom. I can't describe to you. Like, I've never experienced. Like, it's like a bomb of joy went off.

And like the entire stadium erupted. Everyone had full body chills. Everyone just immediately started drinking. Like pouring shots drinking. We were like, we're going out. It was the best night ever. Make sure you clip that out. Watching OG Anomi put the tip in.

But he did. He put the tip in. Or he tipped it in. Sorry. And then, and then, And then, and then I did talk about this on my podcast, but when it was their next game, it was my best friend Cassidy's birthday, and he were three hours late to her party because the Knicks were playing.

Yeah, you got caught up in it, right? Yeah, beyond. Look, he's the king of New York. He really is. He is the king of New York. Is he your favorite? Do you have a favorite? Oh, yeah, it's him.

No, and I really like Carl. Isn't Carl fun? I like Carl because I love Jordan, and I love her lucky bag. I love her lucky bag. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. She literally only didn't bring the bag to one game and they lost. It's the lucky bag. And she just didn't add with the lucky bag for Spider-Man and it's really funny. Do you have a lucky bag? Like I have my bracelets. I have like my OCD. Your things.

You have my things. You have your things. Do you have anything? I don't have my thing. Because you're, because you get. too caught up in it. I try not to get attached to the things. Why?

Because you'll get... I don't know. I just like... You know, honestly, like, I'm afraid I'm going to lose the thing. Totally. I... Dude, do you know how much I lost this vacation? I lost my diary.

I lost my camcorder. I lost my sunglasses. I lost everything. I lost who I was. Like, I literally, like... I... And you don't understand. Like, I'm like, where could these things be?

I've called... Because, you know, like... When you're an adult, you realize you can't really lose things. Like, there's always somebody to call. There's always a loss and found. People don't steal things. As a kid, like, you're like, do you know what I mean? You're like, oh, like, things are like, I'm going to lose it.

It's gone. It's stolen. Like, you're like, no, I was at the restaurant. Let me call the restaurant. Everywhere. Oh, my God, I never called the restaurant. Is your diary at the restaurant? My camcorder is.

This restaurant. Should you call them right now? Yeah. To continue, please hold. Hi, I've been your guy speaking. How am I helping? Hi, I have a question. I left a video camera in your restaurant like a week ago.

Did you guys end up picking it up? A camera. Yeah, there was like a little camcorder I left at your restaurant. We didn't see nothing. Oh, shit, okay. No, I'm so sorry. with us, we didn't say. Okay, thank you.

I left in the Uber, for sure. So they don't have it. Now when I, she was so done with me. Like, I, like, I just, I wasn't going to push it. If it's gone, it's gone. I like that you said. I have a question. And then paused for two minutes.

Because I wanted her to be like, yes. I know. She was like, we're going to ask it. Yeah, like, I miss my camera. I'm sorry. I mix it. I miss mix. Mix it.

Was there good stuff on there? Yeah. I was going to make a year-end video. I have right one. I mean, it's also July. Yeah, but I've been taking video since the first of January. Well, yeah, talk it out now.

The video's gone. The camera's gone. If you find it, please burn it. Like, I don't want to know. I'm like honestly a little stressed out about it, to be frank. What is your favorite album of all time? Oh my gosh. Music?

Yeah. It changes. It changes. Like, depends on where I'm at right now. Where you are at right now? Sometimes I go through a Grateful Dead phase. Like, that's a summer. I've never gotten into that.

Oh, my, it'll happen. Really? And it'll be great. You think it'll happen for me, the Grateful Dad, you think? But, like, I have a whole thing. I'll give you a playlist right now. Oh, I'm so excited. What you got on there?

Okay, here we are. It takes me a minute to find it. You know I'm slow with technology. All right. Be kinder to yourself. There's a Mac Miller song on there. Oh, Nolan. Which one? Which one?

Weekend. Yes. I like Miss Calls by Mac Miller. I have Rockman by McGee or McGee. You listen to McGee? Yeah. I have a live version of Close to You by Gracie Abrams. Oh my God.

What? I like the new album, by the way. None of that's on there, but I'm discovering the new album. You've gone into Minibar? Yeah, I do like Minibar. Mini Bar's a jam. Mini Bar's a jam. Jam.

Yeah. There's a lot slow jams on there, and then all of a sudden, Minibar comes on here, like, okay. Or look at my life. I have some Olivia Rodriguez on here. I mean, that album is just no sense. This is not from the new one. This is from the old one.

I got a little arcade fire, common. Prince and the Revolution. Lord. Commons in Silo. I swear to God. I swear to God, common is in all three seasons of Silo. Is your favorite character? No.

Okay. He was the bad guy in season one. That's it. Okay. You would like Vampire Weekend? You don't listen to Vampire Weekend? I like Vampire Weekend a lot. You like The Strokes?

I do. Have you heard their new album? That was exciting. They were at Coachella. Were you at Coachella? Was I at Coachella? Did you see the strokes at Coachella? No.

Lily went, though. Did she go to the strokes? I think so, yeah. It was one of the genuine, probably one of the best experiences of my entire life. Really? Yeah, because I'd never seen Someday Live in Someday's one of my favorite songs of all time, besides The Archer by Taylor Swift. Have you ever heard The Archer by Taylor Swift? Yes, of course.

I've heard everything by Taylor Swift. Obsessed. What era, what era like is your era? Evermore. I know. Oh, my God. I have a vinyl of it. No record player, but I'm collecting.

The best. Do you love Evermore? You want to know why I love Evermore? I listen to it with my mom for the first time. So we were at, that's really sweet. She said I like this one. It was Willow. We were in like this little box at the concert and it was myself, my wife, Lily,

and her friend Sarah. And then with us in that same box was Hunter Schaefer and her two sisters. Oh my God, her sisters are the best. The. Her sisters are the best. Best people of all time. Hunter's the best. Her sisters are also the best.

The best. And I forget which one, but I was talking to them. And she was like, and like, she got into the Evermore and she goes, this is my shit. Yeah. And I go, oh my God. And she goes, I go, why? I go, why? I was like, why is Evermore?

He goes, because it's sad and I like it that way. It's sad. Well, first of all, you missed the Erosaur when she, she used to do Tis the damn season. You don't understand, like, how. How, oh my God. You know that's one of my favorite Taylor's show songs of all time. Because when she, when those opening guitar strings start to tis the damn season, I literally smell Hastings on Hudson.

I like, I like, I smell Westchester. Like, I literally, like, I smell a town. It's so good. It's so good. When's the last time you've been back to Dopsbury? It's been a while. But you know Jack Antonoff? Yeah.

Who produces all of it. So you'll like this story. So we were doing this movie Hello, my name is Doris. Michael Showalter directed it and wrote it and was amazing. It's done, you would love him. It was Sally Field and I.

It's Sally Field's movie and she's at this place in her life where she gets this job in this office and she falls in love with my character and she fantasizes about my character and we have this like, well they won't they kind of relationship. And I take her to

like a concert and it's supposed to be a young hip concert and so Michael and I were like talking about who we're going to get to be you know the act on stage and we were like and I was friendly with Lena at the time and and she was dating Jack Antonoff and he was out of and so I Michael and I emailed Lena and we were like is there any way that Jack would come out and do this and be like the lead singer of this fake band. And he, like, Bleachers was pretty new at that point. I don't even know. I might not even have existed.

Well, because, you know, he was in fun before he was in bleachers. It may have even, like, it was around then. And so he came out and he was the coolest. He's the coolest. And wrote a song for the movie and is so good in the movie and has, like, a full scene in the movie. And we had so much fun. And, like, Sally Field was, like, in love with him as we all were. He's made some of my favorite songs of all time.

Those are like the best produced albums. Ever. Ever. Should we get into The Tell Me What's Wrongs? Oh my God, I never want to leave you. I know. Well, okay, let's do it. But at some point, we should have like a proper...

I can't, Max, I can't. Well, you're going to go back to Paris until what? November? I don't know. It's going to be a while. Do you like my outfit, by the way? Because it's so cute. Did you write me a letter?

No, it's the Tell Me What's Wrongs. Oh, shit. But I would write you a letter. I'm going to send you a really long text later. And I'm going to mean every word. I hope you write me one back. Yeah, if you open it. I'm going to send you a text.

It's going to be really long and meaningful. And then I'm going to send you a few songs to listen to for the plane. Oh, I love that. You guys, I'm sad. Oh, my God, you want to know what I've been doing lately? Opening envelopes? my wrist like my forearm is so tight because I didn't work out for so long and I don't you have arthritis in there no I have de quervin's tendinitis okay and so my favorite thing to do that I've discovered since I've been 26 is to get like knots out of myself or get like loosen up muscles on my own without having to get a massage and the easiest one to do that at like something Like, you know, when you have a knot there and you, like, go, and you're like, you feel it and you go over, and you go over it.

My favorite thing to do now is, like, scrape, muscle scrape my forearm. Do you get a lot? See, like. Oh, yeah, yeah. Does it happen a lot more now that you're jacked? Mm-hmm. But I'm not jacked right now. I need to, you know, pick it back up.

My trainer said, you could work on the chest. He said, you lost a lot of weight, which. I know I did because in Europe, everything is like very clean, despite I like ate bread every day. Like, doesn't matter. I know. Doesn't matter. I know, but I was going to say it affects our bellies, though, but it's fine. What affects our bellies?

Everything over there. But everything here hurts my stomach. Like, I'm going to get Mediterranean food tonight. It's going to hurt my stomach. Oh, oh. I'm so pumped, though. I'm so pumped. I'm going to go home, smoke a joint.

My stomach, I'll feel nothing. I'm going to put on New Girl. You know, that's my new nighttime show. I'm going to put on New Girl. I'm going to scrape my... Yes, I am. I'm going to scrape my knot, smoke a joint, and watch New Girl. What a night. Who's that girl?

Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Jess. It's a good one. Hey, girl. Where you're going? Watch. Please.

Are you ready? Yeah. I actually need your help so badly. I've absolutely no clue on how to text people. And when I do, it genuinely scares me so much. What? I'm worried everyone won't understand how I'm saying something and spiral and spiral. Well, that is the basis of texting.

So recently, I've been doing the voice notes, but everyone makes fun of me for that, LMAO. What's your take on the voice text? Do not voice, do not voice text me. The only time I will ever accept a voice note is if you're telling me, like, if we were writing something together and we were like writing stuff back and forth to each other like and it's just like your word vomiting like that's an acceptable voice note i like if you're telling me a story fucking text me i like to read sometimes on my phone i like to read text what is it though about because i i don't love it either unless someone's like listen i'm driving and i need like i can't text i don't listen to them

i read the transcription i know it's i don't i'm the only person in the entire world who i will listen to voice notes from is alicia carmandy from from the real housewives of Rhode Island. Why? Because she is the funniest, the voice notes she leaves me are genuinely hysterical. Like, I look forward to listening to them.

I'm going to need an example. Okay, I'll play you one. I'm going to ask her if I could put this in. I asked her how the new season was going. Jake, these motherfuckers have me working. That's all I'm going to say. I've never worked so hard. I said, this isn't housewife life.

I thought being a housewife, I was going to get paid to stay home, get a dinner. you know, maybe get my nails done. But this is going to be a good season, trust me. It's, it's wild. I am so excited. I can't wait to F and see you again.

Germany people say, oh my God, I watched that podcast with you and Jake Shane. Like literally today I was in Boston going shopping and people are like, I love the interview of you and Jake Shane. I'm like, oh my God, this is wild. People are obsessed with you. You're epic. I know it's late. I just wanted to get an end before I just got

home. So I'm so sorry. I hope I don't wake you up, but yeah, people are fucking obsessed with you, Jake Shade. It's wild. Like, those are the voice notes I listen to. That's a kind message. But so, but I'd listen to a voice note from you. I'd listen to a voice note from Tass.

I know those would be entertaining. Oh my God. But I don't like listening to voice notes. They really bug me out. Yeah, you know what I've been doing. Talk to text. Don't play with me in my talk to text. No, no, no, I know.

I used to really shit on people for talk to text. Uh-uh. I love it. Yeah. I got to get, it takes me a minute to figure out. what words I want to use. Well, I'm just like, it catches every word. It's so good.

I don't know how it does it. So maybe you should talk to text. That's a good, I think that's really good. And then if you're worried about them not understanding you, you just say sorry, talk to text. Moving to NYC and worried I'm New York chopped. Like, help. I fear I cannot compete with these New York guys. And if I don't get a boyfriend, I'm dead-ass moving to Ohio to Ohio becoming a farmer.

Any tips for my confidence? You need to just like fake it. Like if you radiate, like, sex, people want to have sex with you. Oh, for sure. I don't do that, so I can't relate. But, like, if you just like... Are you kidding? What?

Jake, we have spent this whole week together. And the two of us, everywhere we go, I can tell people like, those two guys radiate sex. Really? That's the vibe I get. Okay. See? Fake it. Like, you got to fake it.

it till you make it. I don't think you're faking it, but I am. The two of us are out there. You're not even fit. You just have it naturally. People say I look really angry all the time. Like when I'm walking around. People say I look angry. Yeah, I know, but that's also like

it's also like sexy angry. It's like, I'm hungry. It's not possible to be New York chopped because there's so many fish in the sea. Like, there's no one to compete with because there's no competition. Like, there's so many men here. Everyone's It's fucking gay in the city.

Everyone. I've never met a non-gay person in the city. Is it only New York or is it everywhere? It's only New York. There's literally like every apartment building is a gay person. Wait, hold on. Every apartment is a gay person? Yeah.

Knock knock. They're gay. I swear. Everyone's like, I've experimented. I'm like, really? Damn. I'm like, where do you live? New York, knew it.

I was in Paris with these people. I was like, are you gay? And they were like, no, but I could be. And I was like, you know, everyone's experimented. I was like, where are you from? They're like New York. I was like, New York. I was like, New York. So if anybody's from New York, it's automatically about.

Like, you'll catch a dick, honey. Don't worry. Whether it be on Grindr, Sniffy's, Hinge, Raya, whatever you need. Like, you'll catch one. It might not be the one you want. But sometimes. It's the one you need. It's the one you need.

My husband and I despise each other's favorite and ongoing shows. It's almost comedic at how we can't find any common ground on what to watch together. He hates all reality and game show TV, which is my favorite game show. Oh, like Survivor. And I hate his dark drama action shows and sitcoms. Oh, honey. You're going to take the guy's side. So am I, though, because I like dark action shows and sitcoms.

Well, why does it have to be a side? I mean, can't there be a compromise? It didn't used to be a big deal, but we're in a brand new marriage and are having a tough time finding a way to wind down at the end of the night together. You know what I would watch? I would prescribe the show unreal

because it's about behind the season of The Bachelor, so you get a mix of drama and reality. Beautiful. That was some of the best advice I've ever given, by the way. It's one of the best shows ever made. I would just do like, you know, random. What about the 100? on the CW.

Oh, how about this? Silo. Yeah. It's fucking great. Well, actually, it's okay. It's really okay. You know what you could do now, though? I like this random idea where, like,

there should be a button on, like, the remote where it just goes, and you hit it, and it cycles through everything that's on whatever streaming service that you're on, and it just picks a show for you, and that just starts playing. They have it on Netflix. Did they have that?

Yeah, that's on Netflix. Nolan, tell Max, how many times you've watched New Girl? I've seen the entire show like six times all the way through it. I love it. It's my comfort show. Do you have a favorite episode? Background check, probably. Okay. Do you have a favorite character?

Thanks. Come on, man. Come on, man. He said he's never been so excited for anyone ever on the podcast. Well, can Nolan sit next to me for a little bit? Has that ever been done before? I stay my fucking life. No, he's never.

I don't think Nolan's ever made an appearance. I'm not even letting you tell me not to do. Just, yeah, produce from here. Okay, read the next one. I can't believe it, Nolan. Nolan reveal. Hi, everybody. I've invited Nolan on the podcast.

Hey there. Big time new girl fan. Big time. He's six times through. Six times through, all the way. And I love Jake Johnson, and I love Nick. I relate to him the most. Not me, but you're my faith.

Well, come. I relate to Schmidt. Actually, I relate to... Yeah, Schmidt. Thanks. Schmidt's a bit delusional. And I relate to it. He's a bit of, like, a control freak.

He's a bit delusional. He's got some issues. But he's needed so deeply. Thank you. And I know my friends need me. Like water. That's right. That's exactly right.

And air. And I know they miss me every time they're... not with me. They're on a visa right now. So, without me. So I've never had any sensory issues before anything like this, but recently I've been really irritated by my feet.

It's like, I constantly know they're there and it really want, oh my God, please, I can't. Yeah, that's my life. No, that one's going to ruin my life. Because I can't think about that. I don't want to think about my feet or anything or like feel sensory issues to my feet. Hey, Jake. And special guest. No.

Me and my boyfriend never argue and have been together for just over two years. Is this a red flag? or a green flag or a beige or what. Sometimes I need a bit of drama, and I'm just not getting it. You read that so fast. Did you get that? I did not hear a word.

She's a boyfriend. I don't argue with the boyfriend. She's a boyfriend. They don't argue with the boyfriend. She's like, is it weird that we don't argue? I'm weirded out. I put this in because of an episode of New Girl. Which one?

I'm fully locked in. Remember, Jess is dating. Oh, God. Justin Long? No, no, no, no. No. Silver Fox. on, who is it?

German Mulroney. Was it? Yeah. What's his character's name? Six times, Nolan. I know. I'm playing you. I've never been on the camera before.

Are you nervous? Not as nervous. We call them the big D. The big D. Yeah. He called himself the big D. Russell. Russell.

Fucking Russell. Fucking Russell. And they never argued? No, so Jessica and Russell had a very healthy and happy relationship, but then Jess realizes that she needs a little bit of argumentation in her life. And then she gets a little bit of argumentation in her life. goes back home to the apartment and her and Nick fight. Ah!

I know. I want love. You have love. No, I don't. Everyone in this room loves you. You have so much love in this world. Okay. I guess I do feel that.

Look at Nolan and I. Look how Nolan and I are looking at you right now. Oh, I thought I was going to finish the heart with me. There we go. Love you. I know, but okay, we have. have to move on because everyone on Twitter is going to be like he won't shut the fuck up about how he like please we have to move on because this happens every week I can't I see another tweet

about how it's putting like these celebrities through humiliation rituals about hearing like how I like can't find a dick this wasn't about you know like just trust me I'm on Twitter I see it all I see it I hear you I'll stop X now I think the Gen Z socially revolted I know we're still calling it Twitter okay I feel like that's right it's okay we're the next one. We don't love you. It's fine. Well, honestly, if you're having a, if you never argue with the guy, it's like, yeah, that is a red flag. Like, you should probably argue. You don't think? If I never

argued with my boyfriend, I'd be like, I don't like this. We don't know how to answer your questions now that we were scolded for answering that before. No, I wasn't scolding you. I appreciate the love. It felt like a scold. Well, I'm just saying, like, people are going to be like he needs to stop playing the pity party game that he always plays because I do I'm like a walking pity party why are you yelling at us you've put you've put two celebrities Nolan and I that's right in a position where we don't know how to because like we don't want to we don't want the audience to now feel like that you've put us in a weird

position and that Twitter is going to say all these things and about me or Nolan and I which would be real bad I'm 20 so my god you want to know what I've been doing lately to calm myself down like a baby so I realized that when you tense your muscles and untents them it like calms you down so lately I've been going hold it and it really you do look more relaxed I told you between that and your yeah it works I swear I'm in love with my boyfriend but it seems like every time a guy around my age walks in the room my head is always turning sometimes even when I'm with him I hope he doesn't notice he does is this normal or am I falling out of love?

You might be. Which one? Falling out of love. What do you think? Well, I think a new girl. Schmidt dated two people at the same time, but was not falling out of love with either of them. That's right.

Twitter did not like that one. Wait, really? Yeah, it was bad. What was Twitter saying about that one? It's X. What did they say? Well, what happened on the show was, is I reconnected my

Schmidt reconnected with an old girlfriend from college and you were dating Cece at the time and I had not yet broken up with Cece and but or like no you were single then you were dating Elizabeth and then the wedding happened and then Cece pronounced her love for you

yeah and then you broke up or you didn't break up with Elizabeth but you told Cici that you did yes and I and and he was caught in the predicament of I'm in love with both of these people and I don't know how to move forward and I can't break their hearts. Well, I've never experienced that so I don't know how to help this person. Well, apparently we're not to tell you, we're not supposed to tell you that you're loved, so I guess sucks for you.

Is this what it's like to be on the podcast? Okay, well, everybody give it up for Nolan. Nolan, this was a really special experience. It really was. glad we got to do this. It was the perfect Nolan reveal for a perfect episode so far. Truly, my. Are you having fun?

Hold on. Can I give Nolan a hug? Go give Nolan a hug. Can we have a moment, please? I love you, no. Our earlobes just touched. It was very intimate. Like, in terms of press that you do, like, where would you rank this?

At the top. Shut up! I believe you, too. I told you, I don't lie. You're only sick as your secrets. Anytime I watch your podcast, I get FOMO because I love your relationship with your college friends. I had a group of tight-knit close friends

slash roommates in college, but I'm only close with one now. How do I get the gang back together? We're all spread out, so it's really tough. This is emotional for you. Because I know how to do it. Just shoot a text. And you start sending old photos.

And the group chat will just go, and you're back. Do you do a photo first, or do you a text first? Photo, and you're like, oh, my God. You're just, like, you sent a photo, be like, we were so ugly. Like, that's what I would do. Like I'll send it like sometimes like I mean like it's not the same with me because I'm so close with my college friends But like I'll send a photo of Julia and I'd be like we were so fucking hideous like who let us out of the house This is actually good this is good advice one time

Peyton and Julia wore the they will kill me for bringing this up but I don't even care They wore the most hideous Halloween costume they've never in their lives looked worse Do you remember, first of all, I'm with Max. Where are you? Still? Or no, you were my own. Still. Sick.

We're talking about how fucking ugly you guys looked at Halloween that one year. On camera? Please. What were you dressed as again? No, Jake. No, we promote. We told Jake not to do it, but... We took mirror selfies before we...

Like, we took pictures in the mirror in our crossroom. before we went out and said, what the fuck do we do? We can't leave the house looking like this. No, I know. Jake showed him to, he had him. He showed it to everybody.

Oh, perfect. Thank you, Jake. He's lying, which he said he never does. So can you please find the photo? I'm finding right now. Oh, my God. I was all for me, bro. You guys were also done.

Please. Please. Please. Please, please. Please come back. Fuck, I was fat for multiple holidays. They're like, did you, did Jake? Did you not tell him?

what you dressed up as that year? Oh. Yourself, you loser. I dress up as myself. Bye. Wait, sing the theme song. I love you guys. Oh, you missed the third.

The immediate reaction or realization, which was horrifying. You don't understand, like, the mermaid costume was the most tragic thing on planet Earth. But then she went, oh my God, I was fat for multiple hardware. Because I forgot about the mermaids, the mermaids was. so bad. You should reconnect with your college friends. It's really fun. I think that's why, like, school uniforms are a good thing.

Oh, really? Yeah. I used to show up to school and, like, oh, my God, I had a unibrow. I was like, sweatpants. But I think if everybody, I think when you go to a school with uniforms, everybody shows up and they're like, this is not great. But, like, everyone's doing it together, and it levels out, like, the plane. You're right.

Does Lily wear a uniform? They have uniforms, but it's like a loose uniforms. Yeah. Jinks. I knew you were going to say, so it doesn't count as a jinx. Okay, well, what happens now? I have super bad OCD and anxiety when I fly, and I'm running around undiagnosed. So do you have any advice or similar experiences, especially since you're usually flying?

I'm going on two planes tomorrow, and low-key am freaking out. Okay. I don't get stressed out on planes. I get stressed out on everything else because if a plane is going down, it is my time to go. I agree. You know what I mean? They're turbulence. What am I going to do?

Fly the plane. I don't know how to fly a plane. I'm going down. I'm dying. You have to just accept fate. You can't cheat fate. You should watch Final Destination, honestly, to make yourself feel better.

Because they tried to cheat fate when they went on the airplane, when they get off the airplane and then they all fucking die anyway in horrific, horrific events. I'm with you. If you get on the plane, the plane takes off,

we're doing this. Right? You know one time I was on a plane, they tried to start it twice. It didn't work. third time at work, they said, all right, here we go, and they took off. Can you imagine? Here we go.

Here we go. I think that's the right advice. It's not simple to see that most days, I don't recognize me with these shoes and this apron, this place and its patrons. You don't know the lyrics? Well, I don't know that. more than I've gave them. I don't, by the way, I like that both of us sing very low. It's not simple.

I like the, I like one that goes, what's the one where it's. Tension sweet center. No, the one. I still remember that girl. Sounding so good. She is perfect. Keep going. But she's kind.

There you go. She is smart. She is hard. hard on herself. She is broken and won't ask for help. She is messy, but she's kind. She is most of the time. She is all of this baked up made and a beautiful pie.

She's gone. But she used to be my. Used to be my. Oh, we sounded good there. Yeah, we are harmonized for her five seconds. Thank God you weren't here for this, Nolan. Because you were ruined it. Max.

Is your real name Maxwell? No, that was so nice. Maybe that was the goodbye. I think that was the goodbye. That was nice, though. I've had a lovely two weeks with you. It's been a really, it's been a really special time. And I'm really grateful for it.

I'm really grateful too. I'm going to cry later when I write you my note. I hope you cry too. When I write you back. Okay. And then I'm going to need some space. That's fine. Yeah.

And then I'll send you just like a picture of our time together just to remind. We have a lot. And that'll bring us back together. So many photos. We have so many photos. And we have self-tapes. We have self-tapes. Well, Max, what did we learn today?

How to use a microphone. Okay. And I learned that we're real best friends. Yeah. And that's right. I learned that I have a brand new best friend. Okay, well, now you have to say, bye, pussies. Bye, pussies.