Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 14: Larray

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Larri and Jake reminisce on old times and address the elephant in the room... Tell Me What's Wrong at ⁠passthatpuss.com Follow Me! Instagram | @passthatpuss TikTok | @octopusslover8 Follow Larri! @larray Listen to "THERAPUSS" Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1BHDdC0OVuHqZ706FobfOF ⁠⁠Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapuss-with-jake-shane/id1723626781⁠⁠ Amazon Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/93117357-1f23-46e1-8f26-88f5182a68b8/therapuss-with-jake-shane⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@octopusslover8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi Pussies. Welcome back to Therapus today for our intro. We have a very special, highly requested guest, Bud Jules. Hey. Okay, so do you want to talk? Yeah, but what do we do in the intro? Do you want to talk? Oh, Jake thinks we've had beef the whole weekend. We've fought the entire weekend.

We really haven't, though. We fought Friday. We fought Saturday. And then we fought Sunday. And then her boyfriend didn't want to hang out with me. I didn't think we were fighting. Okay, well, I'm glad you did think so. Okay, well...

It's hot in here. Okay, well, what are your top three off the Beyonce album now that we're here? Okay, my faith personally is... Should we guess? Each other's top three? Yeah. Yours is just for fun. Sorry, yours is just for fun.

Yeah. With Willie Jones. Yes. What's my other two? Daughter. Yes. And, like, it's the Miley one. Yeah, I would say that's probably my third.

Okay. Okay. Two hands to heaven. Mm-hmm. The Miley one. Levi jeans. Yeah, or protector. They're probably tied.

Okay. I'm glad that we got the right ones. Okay, should we guess our top three off the Casey album now? Yes. Okay. Okay, deeper well. Deeper well is obviously number one for both of us. The architect.

Ooh. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. Ooh. Okay. What's your two then? Nothing to be scared of.

I like nothing to be scared of. I like, what's that other one? Swai. No, I don't love that one. I don't love sway. Give her taker. Give her slash taker. So we have like the same top three.

And then for R. I also like Jade Green. I know you don't like that one though. It's not my favorite. So we need to lose 10 pounds before Tichella. It's in two weeks. Peyton texting me today. Okay.

It's officially two weeks. It's time to detox. I'm like, girl. Well, like we, are we have an issue? We came home from dinner and dessert and made popcorn. And it was like a Sunday roast. And we made popcorn.

I came home so full. You know how shit? In bed last night? Your skin was stretching, right? Stretching. It was stretching and I literally had never felt so bad about myself. Yeah, I felt like that all weekend. This is a proper time to announce that we are doing but Jules' quarter birthday episode.

Yes. We're filming that next week. Yeah, on Monday. On Monday. A week from today. Oh, my God, I'm so excited for that. I know. What should we dress up as?

Cowboys? Okay. Okay, well, do you have a better idea? No, not right now. Guys, Jake outed me to Nina Jobbvre. I did. Because we saw her. Well, first of all, we were in the gym.

Well, no, actually, just continue. We saw her at the Allo Gym. And obviously, I'm her biggest fan. Like, I wasn't going to be weird. I'm Jake's guest. And then we were, like, leaving whatever, whatever. And she was standing there. And Jake in front of everyone was like,

by the way, Nina, Julia's your biggest fan of all time. We dressed up as vampires and drank out of blood bags on my podcast. And she was like, oh. And Julie was like, yeah. Is this what you do in the intro? I've never watched an intro before. I'm honestly really enjoying this intro. You normally, it's very hard for me to do my intro.

Oh, I have my date tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Where are you guys going? Did he confirm yet? Should I confirm today or tomorrow? Well, shouldn't. Did he confirm? That's not how this works in J-Klan.

You said he hasn't confirmed yet. No. And he hasn't said where he's taking you. Absolutely not. So should I text him tomorrow Being like, are we confirmed? Yeah. I was going to say,

if you want to talk about Buck now. Oh, yeah, let's talk about the girls Who made me a sign. Oh, yes. There's a girl. Julia's texting me after my show. I can't believe these girls made me a sign. Da-da-da-da-da-at first.

I'm like, so cute, so cute. And then she's like, wait, so like, do you have higher quality pictures of the sign? Like, I want to post the sign. And I'm like, no, yeah, the show was great. Thank you for asking. And she goes, sorry, I pulled a you. Well, I thought about me for once.

Yeah, that's okay. And they made you a sign. Thank you for being in my intro, Bajuals. Of course. As per usual, Apu, submit, tell me what's wrong,

to pass that push.com, send me your number. And I'll see you guys next week. She'll see you guys. She'll see you guys next week. Mu-a. Hi, Pussies, and welcome back to Therapus. I can do it.

Tents up. Oh, yes, you can. And before we even start speaking, Larry, who is the guest today, who I was going to do a lovely intro for it, but we must switch. sides. Yes, because this is my bad side, and I'd rather die than sit on the side. So get the fuck up, Jake. So we're switching sides. Thank you. It'd be the first time in a long time.

I'm so excited to be here. Oh my God, well, you guys, Larry is like one of my, was probably my first friend in this space. This is true. God, I've never been in, I have never filmed in this chair before. Can we just, okay, before we even continue, let's talk about the elephant in the room and not you because you lost hell away. Hello. Are you serious? Yes. You're on your grass. Even though you've been shaking. I'm not even kidding. My friend, send me a video of you doing Pilates and shaking. She was like, I want what workout he's having. I said, babe, that's Adderall. And you don't play. I don't play. See, the bitches do it for the Instagram story. You're doing this shit because you want a better yourself. Yes. Yes. So what was the elephant in the room? Um, that you look good. Oh, you know,

let's appreciate it. I think you look. Thank you. Loing. It looks like you got dick. Oh, you know what I haven't. Oh. Let's change that. That's what I'm saying. You need to. You need to. You need to some dick. I desperately need it. I need to catch a dick like yesterday. Catch a dick. Wait, that's good one. Can you, what do you do acronyms?

Yeah. Cad, call a CAD. Cod, catch a dick. He needs a Cag. You guys, for those who don't know, before I did this full time, I was the assistant to someone on Larry's management team. Larry had to go on a brand thing to Las Vegas. I did.

So I took my fat ass at the time out of bed and... That ass was fat that day. Yes. Very fat. Oh my gosh. And we went to Vegas together. No, we had a fucking blast. That was like my first intro into this world.

I remember being like, oh, we're influencers. And Larry timing goes, no, no, no. You can't call them that. And I go, what do you mean? He goes, no, they're content creators. And that's what you will be using from now on. Yes, I thank you. Because influencing is a stretch.

Let's talk about the fact that we were drunk. We were hammered. And I was like on the clock. So fucking what? I'm sorry. If you're working for me, you got a drink. That's what I was saying. Like Larry was like just start drinking and I was like

I guess right Like what am I supposed to do? So I started drinking Alright let's get the bullshit Because now we're just Now you're in the chair Okay now I'm in the chair Well you're in the chair

Well you're in the chair Well you're in the way And you know I want to get to the root of the problem Okay Why are you gay? Why? What happened at your child? I'm actually trying to think about like

What my sexual awakening was I don't know I used to bite people Like, were you a bitter or were you bitten? Excuse me? Like, what do you mean by? My mom tweeted the other day, like, mom of one biter here. And I remember being like, oh, she's talking about me.

Dude, that's how you talk about a dog. But you used to bite people? Like, yeah, I was, I bit kids. Okay, James. Let's put it on the flow, Big Lotto. Shit. Put it on the float in, y'all. Like, you get in the fucking chair.

Don't know how to act. Okay. No, seriously, biting kids. Like, when I was four, Like I bit a few kids, like all the playground. I love this fucking studio. You like it? Dude, this is so awesome.

I'm so proud of you. Oh, thanks, Larry. I was just telling them how, like, I almost got emotional just thinking about the fact where you came from and now you're here, congrats. Like, you're getting your flowers and it's you. I love you. What? Okay.

I said it's cute. I love you too. I love you too. Seriously. That's really sweet. Well, Larry's been here since the beginning. Yeah, I've seen you grow. Yeah.

Like, well, literally and physically, I've seen you change. Yeah. I guess like, lose and bro. And how do you feel about it now? What, this world? Yeah, and like you just now, because... I feel I'm learning to... Like, I'm always looking for the next thing and, like, pushing and, like, being more success.

Like, just, like, working and being better. But sometimes it's important to look around and see the view. Dude, but the only... Okay, I have a list of things that I hate. Okay, well, do you want to read them? Do you want me to? I would love to. Oh, God, where's my phone?

Greg, can you call my phone? Oh, it's true. That's actually one of the first things I learned about Larry is that he loses things. This is a lot of things. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I lost my idea at least 15 times. Greg can vouch.

He didn't bring his idea to Vegas. What do I need it for? Vegas. Oh, true. I just got it. No, but okay, I'm in my fucking era. Let me talk my shit. Yeah.

I got a air tag with my wallet. Oh. And I've been keeping up with my shit. Damn. Yeah, I'm so proud of myself. Damn. My mom should be proud. Okay.

This is my list of bitch I cannot fucking stand you. Okay. I made this list about two months ago. Okay. And it was only for my own purpose. personal reasons. Okay. The guy who invented milk.

That's fucking weird. Did you bring this up on purpose? Did you see my skit last night? This is literally so old. That's crazy. But no, this is not why I'm bringing it up. Okay, so, okay, continue. But don't you think that's fucking weird?

And then I have small talk. What do you mean? How are you? I want to kill myself. That's what I literally have. I have that one. And then I have ignoring the elephant in the room. Wait, there was some guy on the Vegas trip that was like,

and then like Larry Who the fuck was that? Larry would I... Where were you? What biggest trip did you go on? I didn't remember that. Never mind. Just continue.

Okay. My bad. And then that's... I have more, but like, it's just a bunch of... Well, it's really... God, you're such a perfect guess because the first thing I was going to ask you was what are you therapists about?

And I guess... I mean, is there anything else more, like, time sensitive that you're pissed about? Honestly, the one... Okay, the biggest thing is, elephant in the room. I'm a type of person where like, you know, as I started this podcast, I talk about the elephant room, I have to address it. So that's what you're pissed about.

Not really pissed about it, but more like, we all should just do it. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, changes the conversation. What's to you? What's you got for me? I don't know. I'm trying to think, what have you been positive about this week? Um, okay, so there's one thing that I've been learning. I have learned that when bad situations happen to me, I used to look at them in like, why is this happening to me? Right. kind of situation thing. And now I've been looking at them as like, what are you trying to teach me or what can I learn from this?

Oh, wow, Larry. Yeah. And it's been really nice looking at it in that lens. I've learned a lot about myself. So, like, that's a positive. That's amazing. Yeah. I can tell you're glowing internally and externally.

I got dick. You did? No. Mm-hmm. No. And let's get to the cards. Tell me what's wrong. Okay, you know how to do this, right?

Yeah, I've watched. How do you do it? You're going to read a prompt and then I tell, then what's wrong? Okay, yeah, period. A guy in prison is in love with me, Jake, and he won't stop. Oh my God, and they gave me their number so we can call them. What?

Hello. Hi, this is Jake. I got your tummy what's wrong. Does she have asthma? Yeah. No, I got, it's Jake. I got your tummy what's wrong. Oh, Jake.

Hi, Jake. Hi. Hi. This is awesome. What's your name? Jamie. Hi, Jamie. Hi, Jamie.

Hi. Well, so you're in love with. or a guy in prison is in love with you? Yes, and it's scary. But how did you come in contact with him? So here's what you never do is go on a TikTok and follow their advice about writing people in prison because they're sad and lonely.

Wait, I'm actually sitting here with someone, and he actually, his name's Larry, and he did that as well. And he is about to give you some advice on what you should do now that this guy in prison's in love with you. Larry, please tell me. Hey, girl. Hey?

Change your name and move different locations because now you're in danger. Oh, no, don't say such a thing. Oh, no. Yeah, girl, he's after you. You're fucked. Larry. What? Give me the phone.

Jamie, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry for my friend. It's really okay. So let's be real here. Run. Is it, are you, like, freaked out? Like, what's the vibe? How do you know, is he, like, addicted to you?

Does he keep writing to you? What's the vibe? We're talking about it. In me. Like, I just be nice. Okay. Well,

how was he getting in contact with you? What's he in for? Oh, what's he in for? Yeah, he stabbed somebody in a robbery. Oh, that's cute. Okay, well, at least it, um, okay. He's about his money. I love that.

Larry says at least he's about his money. He's selling out business. Yeah. Yes, he is. And his drugs, apparently. Oh, okay. Wait, he's a diller? How much?

What, what, yeah, what drugs was he dealing? I think like heroin, Opeot, things like that. Coachella! Oh my God! Yeah, this is lit! Okay, so he keeps writing you. Does he have your home address?

He does. I'm so stupid. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. Jamie. I know. Hang up, Jake. You're putting yourself in danger.

You're liability now. You don't, maybe that. You know what I would do, actually? I would bring it to the cops and just be like, I've gotten myself into a bit of a pickle. How should I proceed? I think you're right. I don't know.

I've not known what to do. None of my friends know what to do. And I don't want to be mean because then I don't want him hunting me down. No, 100%. Go to the cops. Guys, we're talking about it inmate, by the way. Okay, well... On a side note, I love you and I think you're fabulous.

Oh, Jamie, I think you're fabulous. Oh, well, thank you. Where's your accent from? Where in the south are you from? I'm right outside Nashville. Yes! Which part, Jamie? Larry says which part?

Uh... Oh, period. I was in Mount Juliet. Okay. You see me. You see me. I know. That feels better than everywhere, though.

Yeah. Okay, well, Jamie, I'm so sorry to hear about your lover. So sorry, Jamie. Your lover from prison who isn't your lover. Yeah. Well, I appreciate you calling and checking on me and making sure I'm okay. You know what, Jamie? I'll call again in a week and see how you're doing.

Okay, please do. I wish you would. Okay, love you, Jamie. This is why. Love you, too. Bye. What? And also like her saying, oh, I don't want to be mean to him.

He stabbed somebody, Jamie. Like, holy fuck. That was one of the crazier calls I've had. Well, now you're at risk. Yeah, am I? Yeah. Let him see this podcast episode. You're fucked.

Yeah, Jamie, fuck. I walked into my, I walked in my dad's room to catch him having sex with my teacher. Oh, so she did it on purpose. I've seen her in the hallway a few times, and I've yet to talk to her. She's so fucking great. Her dad's fucking her teacher so she gets a higher grade. Yeah. Stop being ungrateful.

Oh my God. My dad used to hit me. Sorry. It is a safe space. We're in therapy. We're right. It was hard. Do you want to talk about it?

Fuck. No, but tell your mom. Dude, cheating is not okay. It sounds like maybe that they're divorced. Oh. Because I think she'd be like anti-cheating on my mom. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Well, honestly, just mind the business that pays you. Why are you worried what your dad's doing? I guess you're right. But like also like take that. See, nobody likes to work these days. That, right there is an advantage. Use that. I would prescribe.

Hold on. It's on the tip of my tongue. Do we prescribe to Jamie, by the way? I prescribed for the police. Oh, okay. Period. Do you have anything else to prescribe to? A gun.

Protection, girl. I prescribe, what is it? Starts dating their teacher. What am I? Is it? Is it? Do they do that in Friday night lights? Honestly.

When the fuck do that? Louise, what am I thinking of? I prescribe Sativa. Sativa. Oh, okay. You know? Mm-hmm. Maybe like she can like really, I don't know.

Yeah. Which one's the chill one? Is that Sativa? Indica. Oh. Fuck it. Hybrid. Okay.

What is the show where they start dating their teacher? No. That's Aria dates the teacher. I'm trying to think like the mom, the teacher and the, what is it? Oh, my God. It's on the tip of my tongue. I'm going to freak out.

Oh. I just saw you flipping shit Like that's crazy What is it okay They get home And then they start dating the teacher And it's like Bad teacher

No EasyA Do you know what I'm talking about Like they start dating Their parent starts dating the teacher And it's fucking awkward And they're like I don't know what to do about this

Like they meet at a parent teacher conference Like the dad You know exactly what I'm talking about Don't you What is it? I'm not going to be able to move on Until I think about this I'm just letting everyone know now

Oh we got all day baby Is it you're not thinking of your But I love DeGrassey. Such a good show. The best show. Who was your favorite? Drake? Yep.

I thought the wheelchair was super inclusive. It was. I loved it. Yeah. Probably couldn't walk with the piece of meat he was. Carrying. Yeah. What the, do you know exactly what I'm talking about, though, right?

Yeah, but I'm on. We can open your phone and try Google, maybe? I'm going to prescribe whatever I'm thinking of. Okay. And I'll prescribe indica. It's hybrid. Hybrid. Yeah.

Okay. Fuck, dude. Yeah, that was hard. I met a guy at a bar and we really hit it off. I went home with him and one thing led to another. I left that morning and we haven't talked since. Three months later, I see this guy at family reunion. What the hell?

I'm really hoping he's someone's date, but we both gave each other a weird look. So this could possibly be her cousin. Yeah. I've been here before. Okay. Have you actually? Mm-hmm. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Vegas. I'm going to say, do we prescribe or do we give our input on this? Both. Both. Okay. My input is you definitely are probably fucking your cousin.

And that's okay. It happens. Okay. It happens. Continue. I know what happens in your family. I would prescribe, I don't know, this is a really tricky situation. This is like a big headache.

So I'll prescribe Tylenol. Okay. You know? prescribing like real meds yeah wait is that I know we're supposed to do no it is I prescribe mean girls because in mean girls Karen thinks her cousin is hot okay okay okay

like they're out of party and then Gretchen weeners just like Karen that's your cousin oh wow so like you might you didn't know it's not your fault it's a little awkward it's actually super awkward but like I watch me girls you feel better about yourself exactly what he said times too and maybe clueless as well I'm pretty sure she like fucks her stepbrother what you've never seen clueless uh yeah but she fucks her What? Paul Rudd, isn't that her stepbrother?

Wow, I'm really like lacking in the pop culture. What have you been watching lately? Like, like mental health videos. Really? No TV, nothing. I don't know. Actually, oh my God, have you seen Avatar yet? No.

So good. Is it? It's really good. Really? I feel like they made 10 different remakes of Avatar and... Yeah, the other one was ghetto as hell, but this one just really hit different. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It was really good. And it's interesting. It's so good. How many episodes? Eight.

Okay, right now I'm rewatching Jersey Shore, so I need to maybe put a pen in that. Oh my gosh, what is it called karma? Yes, and they shut it down. They just bulldozed it. The whole thing shut down. They're stupid for that. I know. Who are you in Jersey Shore?

I'm Snooky. You're Snooky? Of course. Who are Snooki? I am Snooky. I grew up when I was 10 years old. I made my dad take me to meet her at the local Barnes & Noble. Your dad is so awesome for that.

And he took me and waited in line for three hours. Did he know? Yeah, he knew. He just wanted to make me happy. It was my birthday. So amazing. Yeah, and he took me and I made Snooki. Oh my God, wait, my dad's the best.

Your dad is the best. Shout out to Jake's dad. Yeah. Oh, my God, goals. And then I met Sammy and Ronnie at Korean Barbecue. What? And Yonkers. Yeah.

Yeah, I was like, oh, my God, that's Sammy and Ronnie. Yeah. And then I met Jay Wow for the first time the other day. Wow. Yeah. You met the whole cast. No, yeah, and I met Mike this situation. Who do I have?

I have Dina. I have Polly D. I didn't really like Dina. I haven't really like Dina. I haven't seen Jersey. I haven't seen her seasons. I'm not there yet. I'm on Miami.

Still where Angelina is still causing mayhem. So. Angelina was so pick me. She was the worst. The worst. She's evil. She's like a gnat. Yeah.

She was like, oh, she was talking shit about everyone in the house. Everybody. Dudewin Snicky and Jaywell wrote the letter for Sammy. That's what the episode I watched last night. So. It's some of, it's like historical. And Snooky's like I, Jenny and I are scared to go back to the house for the drama that we caused. Yeah.

And I sent it to Julia and I go, that's us. That's you and me. Yeah. Oh my God. She loves you. You have great friends. I do have great friends. I really do.

Louise, you know him and Julia are like besty booze. Yeah, that's my bitch. Yeah. She can drink. Yeah. She can drink down. Julia can drink. That bit, that's, yeah.

And you look at her and you don't think so, but no, she can, she puts it down. She puts it down. Yeah. Tequila is her friend. Oh my God. Tequila's her best friend. Yeah. Damn.

Sats wedding was fun. It was fun. You want to hear the most comp part about the night I caught a dick at Zach's wedding. Tell me about it. I guess we're just really outing the names at this point. The guy hooked up with, his name was . And I left this hoodie from Zach's wedding. That said,

at his house. It was kind of meta. No, wait, that's so Cinderella of you. Yeah, I was like here. This is what you'll have to remember me by. Has he texted you? Yeah, and he leaves me a few voicemails here and there. Oh.

I'm not going to get that way, you got that way, way. Oh, wait, I know you put, I told you. Fuck. Yeah. So y'all keep playing with Jake Shane. No, because when he gets in the bed, he doesn't fucking play. Oh, Larry! You go a fool in a day like a bitch with no teeth.

I want to see you fight. Yeah, I don't think I'd win. You know, we should bring back boxing matches, and I want to put you in the same ring against, um, who would I want to see you fight? I think it would be a such, Jeffrey Starr. Okay.

Jeffrey Starr and his five Pomeranians versus you. I want to see you fight know about it. Oh, you could see that. You can all see that. I think I would beat Noah's app. I'm just kidding. I think Noah would actually kill me. Yeah.

I feel like he's like a... Looks like a cinnamon roll could kill you. Looks like a Cinemona can kill you. That's the best definition of Noah Beck. Yeah. Jesus Christ, it looks like... He's such a sweetheart. He's the nicest person I've ever met from Matt.

But like, that means you're hiding something. What's so nice about you? What's his star son? Torres. He's the best. I love Torses. He's the best. She's a Taurus.

You're a Taurus. I love you. Seriously. But also, I just like love torsies. Y'all are so sweet. They're grounded. They have great perspectives. This is the most L.A. conversation in the fucking world. I mean, I ask everybody what their star sign is.

My brain's rotted. I'm like, wait, I'm best friends with my ex-girlfriend. I'm a lesbian. Don't even blame me. And she keeps telling me about her new boyfriend. He's so sweet, but I kind of miss her now that she's taken again. Okay. I just don't think she can be friends with her ex. That's really toxic.

That's so toxic. Are you friends with any of your exes? No comment. So no. Text me back. I miss you. Personally, I think being friends with your ex is just the worst idea known to mankind.

Uh-huh. You're just asking for just like... Trauma. Yeah. And just a lot of just fucking unneeded fucking drama, basically. Right. Are you on Hinge?

I try to. You don't like it? You on Raya? No. I'm afraid of dating apps because the thought process of someone to screen shutting my profile and tweeting it. Yeah. But also, I'm so afraid of like, matching

with somebody and then they match you for the wrong reasons. Yeah, see, I don't care about that as long, like a dick is a dick. That's how desperate I am. Don't use that word. You're not desperate. Do you want to have you heard about my date? Did I tell you about my date the other week? This is, I'm the perfect person to talk about this.

I was talking to this guy for like a year and then we finally go on a date or he's like, finally like, let's grab a drink. And I meet up with him after I went to that Tommy Hilfiger fashion show. And so I was in denim on denim. And I was like, amazing, by the way. Thank you. I literally said that today. Thank you.

And I said, I'm in denim on denim. Like, I think I need a change. And he responds hot. So I'm like, oh my God, this is already the best night ever. I'm just going to. I'm like, okay, I'm going to come to the date dressed in denim on denim. And then we're like one glass of wine in. And he's like, and I'm like, da-da-da-da.

And then I came to this date. And he's like, wait, what are you talking about? This is in a date? I don't want to hook up with you. And I was like. So you're telling me he's a fucking psychopath and we need to kill him? Yeah, maybe. and he was like, and then he pitched

to be the producer of my podcast. I was like, you have to get through Nolan first. Wait, so this motherfucker took you on a date. Took me. I took him. What? The check came. I put my card down and he goes, thank you.

Wait, what? After he told me he didn't want to date me or hook up with me and wanted to be the producer of my podcast. What? It was wild. Wait, so how, hold on, we got to debunk this. Yeah. Where is he now?

Do we still talk to him? He's in New York. He texted me the next day, commented on my Instagram. Are you guys still friends? Can you- No. Okay, you're fucking idiot

and I hope you fucking stub your tail. Maybe get hit by a car, you fucking dumb ass. Now back to you, if you ever let a guy do that to you again, call me. I swear to God,

I'll fucking show up with a shotgun and I should have been in his fucking throat. That's fucked up. And I was like, am I being outlandish? I called Louise. I was like,

am I being crazy right now? Not at all. Like, that's fucked up. He needs to fall in the tectonic plates and die. Right. That's fucked up. Yeah.

You deserve better and better will come, but just not on Grindr. Not ungrinder. You meet him on Grindr? No, I met him in person. That's the worst. And then we like had a flirty conversation for the year. Oh, so fucking annoying.

Just love it in real. Oh, what do I prescribe this girl who's still friends with her ass? The real question is, what do we prescribe you? At this point, I'm like, I don't know. What do we prescribe me? Maybe new meds. I've been saying I need to change up my meds these days. Are you on meds?

No, what are you on? Prozac. Should I get on that? It's amazing. Is it what? Do you suffer from anxiety? I used to. Do you not anymore?

No, because I don't leave my house now. That's anxiety. Oh, maybe I need. Well, thank you, doctor. Let's get them over here, yeah. Do you want my psychiatrist? She hasn't asked many questions. Can I do a story post for it?

I'm not trying to pay for that shit. You're telling me I have to go through mental health and pay for it. No, I like, they can take your insurance. I don't even think I have insurance. Greg, does he have insurance? Oh. That's crazy that I have to ask. No, I honestly don't know if I, I mean,

I think I have insurance. Louise, do I have insurance? Okay. Do you have insurance? Give young adults a platform, everybody. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Oh, God. I prescribe insurance. I'm a single girl in college, and I feel like every time I go out, guys always go for my friends, but never me. I'm happy for them, but it feels like always the bridesmaid,

never the bride situation. Oh, I feel that. Do you actually... Yes. I don't even talk about a fucking cry right now. Oh. I used to feel that way, too. really and and to her I'm so sorry that you feel that way

I have no advice for you you have no advice even though you've been through the same exact thing and saw the other side I have to change a lot of myself so tell her um do you just want to know for yourself yeah um going well honestly going out why are my legs like this wait you look like this chair is like I'm so sorry to every you got to ever you know what she looked like what You're going to walk, like, you have you seen those single words like, Faza, I want the maid's head.

No. You look like that kid that would be like, you yank out to your dad's sweater and be like, Faza, I want the maid's head removed. Wait, what is this? Anyways, back to this conversation. Wait, so I want to hear your feelings on this so then I can give her some input. When you go out, do you feel as though, like, the duff of the friend group? Like, it's different because all my friends are girls. Okay.

Which you can never compare to, by the way. Right. So it's like I can't really compare her. I just started hanging out with my two gay friends. I finally have like some gay friends. So I haven't really experienced it yet, but I'm sure I will experience it because they're considerably more attractive than I am.

It's just objective. And I think, I don't know. I would, I don't know how I would probably get really upset. But the thing I would do is like, maybe reevaluate the reasons while you're going out. yeah thank you okay you answered it yourself right like I would re-evaluate like you're not gonna meet the love of your life

in a bar exactly I mean maybe you will but like the last time I thought I did we went on a date and he told me it wasn't a date see so I'm glad you answer that question yourself and like also I feel like one night stands or drunk hookups seem so much better

um like from far away than they are in person because then you're like oh why did I do that yeah well I am sorry that you have to feel that way. That's honestly, I know that feeling and it's terrible. It's terrible.

It's terrible, but I definitely think going out with your friends and just kind of changing your motive and going out. If you're going out with the purpose to hook up with people, then your chances of getting let down are high.

Right. Also, the chances of getting your feelings are also higher. Also, can I say something horrible? That's up. People can smell desperation and insecurity from a mile away like a dog that sniffs drugs. That is true. That was a good one.

It's true. It's true. It's smell it. It's like how I can smell. Like, I can smell like a, like, what was I saying the other day that I was like, I can read was like a mean girl. Like I can smell it from a mile away. Easily. Like, it's the same shit.

People wear their emotions on their sleeves, including you, even if you don't realize that. Yeah. So sometimes you really just have to fake it until you make it. I know that's horrible to hear, but that's the only thing I can say. It's horrible. But it's honest truth. And I think the internet is so full of sugar-coding things where people can feel better about themselves and just comfort themselves with like hearing. stuff like, but I genuinely think faking it,

because that's what I did. And growing up and being the ugly friend and only being known as a funny friend friend was the most traumatic thing my entire time. It's the most traumatic thing of all time. And I deal with it now where like, now I still see my younger self. So when guys do flirt with me in person,

I turn them down because I'm like, why are you into me? There's no way you're actually into me. Or you're going to make fun of me later. This isn't real. Exactly. Yeah. So it's kind of one of those things where you have to find comfort within yourself

before you start, you know, you can't really point the finger to anybody else. you have to just find internal beauty within yourself. Then you're going to be able to be like, I can go out my friends and have a good time and not go like the ugly dumb friend because that's where I'm at now. Right.

Now that I'm subjectively attractive to some people, it's still like I have that battle with myself of going out and being like, okay, like, do you really think I'm cute or is he just fucking leading me on? Right. So. Right. No, I agree. I think I prescribe to her.

Good luck. I think I prescribe to her. Self love. Self love. What's like a movie or TV show about that? Like the awkward girl that... I'm gonna prescribe maybe the film The Duff.

Good one. Ugly Betty. Ugly Betty. Or the episode of actually, never mind, I was gonna say, Victoria's freak to freak out, but she was bomb and pretty as fuck before that. Right, okay. But then they, just because it,

I'm going to prescribe self-love. Yeah. That's how far we're going to get with that. Jake help. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months now recently. He's been lying about dumb, irrelevant stuff, I think, just to get a reaction out of me. We had to talk about it this morning, but I'm honestly really frustrated still. I feel like he hasn't been putting in as much effort as he used to lately.

I don't want to end things with him, but I know I don't deserve this. Okay, it sounds like you must end things with him because she just spiraled about two different, completely unrelated things in the same. Tell me what's wrong. And she's just like, freaking out because she feels that the end is near. So you know what I'm going to prescribe to you? What's that song by Phoebe Bridgers?

Is it the end is near? The End is here by Phoebe Bridgers. That's a song, right? Yeah, it is. I'm going to prescribe to you, The End is here by Phoebe Bridgers. That's not the song name. I'm going to prescribe. Yeah, it is for sure.

I'm going to prescribe to you, I know the end by Phoebe Bridgers. Because that's about the end of the world and it sounds like your relationship is also headed in that direction. Larry? What happened? Got it. I feel like. I no longer have a friend group, just a bunch of

separate friends, and it kind of sucks. I don't think that sucks. That's... Oh, okay. You think that sucks? I felt that. You felt that? Yeah. That gives you so much time to work on yourself.

I know, but it sucks. Being alone, Jake, and having to sit with yourself at nighttime, I start crying. No. But, like, it does suck, but, like, girl, fucking focus on yourself. Damn. It's just, like, you'll never... You go through so many different things.

phases in life that you will, the chances are you will have a friend group again. And once you have that friend group, you're going to reminisce on the times when you had all this time to work on yourself. Yep. And you're going to be regretful if you've spent it worrying about why you didn't have a friend group. Yeah. I think take it and work on yourself. And I think a friend group is just, it's very time consuming. So time consuming. And it's also just like kind of pointless because there's just so many years down the line in your future where like you're going to have. And have a realization where, like, people that you're friends with in, like, high school are no your friends.

Right. To people that I was friends with when I was 20. I don't speak to no more. Yeah. And even the people now, I'm just like, where we're going to go, you know? How old are you now? 25. What?

I thought you were 24, like me. You're 24? Yeah. I thought you were younger. Oh. How young did you think I was? Like 21, maybe, 22? Are you serious?

Yeah. No, that's Nolan? No one's 20? Oh, you're 20? Yeah. He's 20. But I describe you, like, I don't know, Take your time.

You know what I prescribe you? The movie The Click and the movie Mean Girls again, just to show you that maybe sometimes having a friend group is not all that. Exactly. That's what I would prescribe. Yeah. Wow. He's good at this, y'all.

Thank you. Oh my God. We have another caller. Is today February 27th? Oh my God. It's her birthday. Jake, it's my birthday, February 27th. And I've been a pussy since 2020.

Did I have this account 2020? Whatever. Call me. I don't think you did. Did. Her lying for fun. Yeah, honestly, I respect it. This is triggering.

Hello? Hi, happy birthday. It's Jake. Oh, my gosh. Hi. Hi, happy birthday. Oh, my gosh. Literally, I don't believe this is real.

Wait, I got... It was an Atlanta number, and I don't know. I go to school in Georgia, so that's actually, like, I answered it. That's so funny. Oh my God, wait. I literally can't believe this. No, yes. I've literally followed you since literally 2020.

Thank you. Thank you. What was your name? Estella. Estella, how old are you turning? I'm 20 today. Happy birthday. I remember when I turned 20.

Thank you. Enjoy it and enjoy school. Are you recording your podcast? Are you just... Yeah. Do you want to say hi to the pussy? Oh, my gosh. I listen every day. Oh.

Well, Estella, have the best birthday. I love you. Happy birthday. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. Of course. Love you. Bye.

Love you. That's so cute. Oh, I'm obsessed with her. Jakey, that's so cute. I love calling the pussies. When you walked out of Tommy and everyone was screaming, that was so, you're cut. That was the best moment in my life. That was literally iconic.

You were like the modern day Cleopatra. You know what? It only would have been better if Louise was there. The videos were iconic though. It was the best, when I tell you, that was the best moment of my entire life. And, you know, right after that, I sat my ass down at that date

and got told otherwise. Mm-hmm. I was talking to this guy every day, and when I finally talked to him about us, he told me he had just gotten out of a relationship. However, when we first met, he fully told me he was single and asked me for my socials.

He sounds like a liar, just don't proceed. Yeah. Thoughts? You should kill him. Okay. Also, how does you read that stuff? I don't know. I went to school.

Oh. You think you better than me? No, I'm just saying. Is that a fucking low blow? I was like one of those kids like in second grade that like could read. Oh. Some kids couldn't. I couldn't read at second grade.

Yeah, a lot of kids we'd go around the room and popcorn read and a lot of kids were like, bu, blueberry. Like, that gave me trauma. You were a bully. No, I was. That's how I read now, bitch. Damn. This is funny.

I don't know what to give advice to this girl, but this is funny. I once accidentally took a laxative on the plane ride instead of a pedigril. I shipped myself on the plane and I couldn't get up since I was in the window seat. Did you confess that? Me? Is that you? Oh, I wish. Well, Larry, what did we learn today?

We learned that, um, oh my gosh, I've learned a lot today. You know, some girls are sillier than others. Always important to address the elephant in the room. Always important to address. Yes. That. Yeah. Yeah.

I've learned. What did you learn, Jake? That people can tell that I've been working out. That's true. And it's making me feel really snatched and really good. You know what else I learned today? What? Never to go on a date with a stranger that I just met.

I met him a year prior. Oh. Never go on a date in general. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Larry, I love you so much. I love you too, like so much. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for coming on. I love you. Pussies, I will see you next week. Bye, Pussies. I have to do it. Okay, come on. Tense up. Bye, Pussies.

Tense up. Put your tense up, tense up.