Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 19: Mary Beth Barone

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

Mary Beth joins Jake in the Therapuss office to share her wisdom on Raincoats, New York, and much more... Tell Me What's Wrong at ⁠passthatpuss.com Follow Me! Instagram | @passthatpuss TikTok | @octopusslover8 Follow Mary Beth!  @marybethbarone   Listen to "THERAPUSS" Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1BHDdC0OVuHqZ706FobfOF ⁠⁠Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapuss-with-jake-shane/id1723626781⁠⁠ Amazon Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/93117357-1f23-46e1-8f26-88f5182a68b8/therapuss-with-jake-shane⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@octopusslover8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi Pussies. Welcome back to Therapus. Today for the intro, we have a special guest that goes by the name of Bejules. Hey. So usually for this intro, I guess we usually recap like what we've been up to. So how would you say our weekend went? Horrible. Actually, worst weekend of all time.

Why? Like one of the worst weekend of all time. I was really depressed. I can't lie. Like, that was a really bad weekend. All right. So Friday night was pretty fun. Friday night we had a great time. Friday night was a same.

solid like seven out of ten maybe maybe a six out of ten right but i couldn't drink which made it not fun yeah that's what i'm saying it was a six out of ten right um it was on track i took a turn for the worst in every single way like it was it was that bad we went to uh lunch lunch and let me just say something you need to like let us know before you see that's like if you're offering a buffet and if that's the only option because that was the only option and we so i'm I actually had every single thing at the buffet. I took a bite of every single thing they offered at the buffet. We had sushi and an omelet.

I had sushi and an omelet in the same meal. And needless to say, you have a shrimp cocktail. And fried chicken, shrimp cocktail, fried chicken, sushi, omelet. I think, what's your omit? And Peyton had funfetti cake. We had chips and guac.

I had mozzarella. Do you remember I spit into it? Copt up from inside of his throat and landed into it. And landed into the. salsa. So I went and got a whole new plate. Yeah, I walked back and the sauce was gone and I said,

I got a whole new plate of chips and guac. And he kept asking if you could have some of it. I said, no. Okay, so anyways. It was really bad. Like, I don't know how to

emphasize just how bad it was. Yeah. It was, it was a whole. We left that lunch. It was horrible. The whole day, we kept saying, I'm queasy. I'm crazy.

Johnny. He thought it was free. And I said, guys, good news like it's free for me but it's not free for you two at you three and you said looks like it isn't free and john went and then and then when i told no when i told the waiter that he didn't end up getting anything he looked at me like this okay so anyways because he like didn't get anything no he had like a few pieces of sushi he did yeah oh that's why he made that face i lied on his name or he had a few

pieces of sushi anywho we felt so sick the rest of the day and oh pain and wanted to do was go out And we had no plans. Oh, she wanted to do is go out. We had zero plans. Like, she kept saying, like, what, like, let's do something. We're like, we're like, we have no friends. What are we going to do? We have.

And any friends we did have, we're gone. Everyone was why. So then we ended up seeing a comedy show, which was, like, pretty good. It was, okay, here's my thing. I had really bad gas. Like, if we're just going to be honest during it. Like, do you know the type of gas that, like, you're not farting, but, like, it hurts. Like, you were having gas pains.

Yeah, I was having gas pain. and it hurt really bad. Like, especially because, like, it was just, like, an intimate room and, like, nothing obviously could happen. And Julia felt really nauseous. I was sick. And one thing about Julia is when she feels the type of way, like, she'll let you know. Like, for example, when she couldn't sleep, couldn't sleep.

I put it in quotes because, like, I'm sure you shut your eyes. No, I, like, didn't sleep for three days. Like, my eyes were closed for sure, but I was afraid. Okay, so Julia felt nauseous. And honestly, like, you were, like, you were, like, being. a trooper, you're like, we can stay. But like, after, okay, so basically, like, I find women very funny. Like, I was laughing really hard.

Just, like, every time I laughed, I thought I was going to throw up. Every time I laughed, I thought it was going to fart. So, like, that's, like, I guess we can relate on that. You did look uncomfortable. I was really uncomfortable. I'm like, what did we have? Oh, and we said we weren't going to have dinner because our lunch was so bad. We had dinner.

And we had dinner. But the waiter, the waiter comes, he starts bringing the bread over to the table. We go, no, no, no, no, no. And he goes, But, okay, so anyways, the comedy show was like fine. It was funny. Actually, there was one comedian who was, like, really, really, really funny. Yeah, we were dying.

I forget her name. I'm going to figure it out and put it right here and her photo right here. We were. We were crying, laughing. I was belly laughing crying at her. She was the funniest person I've ever seen. Ever. So, the comedy show was fine.

But then we, it was like midnight when we laughed. It was the comedy show was at 10.30, so we were leaving at, like, midnight. The car ride. And so the car ride is what sent me over the edge. We took sunset, like, pretty much the entire way home, and it was just, the road is so windy. And I was sitting there like, whew. And I obviously was, like, holding in my gas because I didn't want to, like, make anything bad. But, like, I was also in pain.

And we got home. Which, we went right to our rooms. Respectively, we went right to our rooms. We didn't say good night or anything. We walked through the front door and we didn't even say anything to each other. We just departed. I don't even think I smoked a joint. I tried to get ready for bed like so quickly because I was so nauseous.

I couldn't stand you guys. Like I literally was like having trouble standing on my own two feet because I was like spinning. Like I actually thought I was about to blow chops. And like let's just be clear. Like she was the only one who had the shrimp at lunch. So there was cause for concern. Like she is the only one. And that's where we were like, okay, bitch.

Like maybe you shouldn't have had the shrimp that's been laying out at the warm buffet. table for four hours. Also, like, let me just preface, buffets are awkward because you have to, like, mingle with people as you pick your food. It was so awkward. We're like, excuse me. When we were waiting,

we were waiting for the omelets, station, the girl next to us, like, that was awkward. Oh, that was awkward, especially because the person making the omelets was like, hey, like, your food's ready and she was typing away. And I was like, no, your food's ready.

Like, it's ready. And she wouldn't listen and we were like, we just want to get out of them. We don't want to talk anyway. Like, and the fact that you're making me do this right now because you're not paying attention. It was just like, awkward like we all sat down like back to the buffet sorry we sat down and we all looked at each other

and we were like oh we've like fucked up we made a horrible mistake horrible mistake first of all like john wasn't eating at all obviously he ate before i switched so rude so rude he does it every time so i'm trying to get ready for bed like so quickly and i'm like all i need to do is get ready like so that i could just lay in bed and go to bed because like the world is spinning for me right now so i get ready and I lay in bed and I'm like oh my god I can't lay here because like there's chunks like coming up and you're obviously texting me and I'm like half responding like half watching TV and I'm like no like Jacob I'm really not okay right now and I was like he was like ignoring so then I was like Peyton's probably asleep but like let me just like give her a ring I'm over the toilet also like something about me is I have a really hard time throwing up like when I need to throw up like I don't throw up like I'm not a thrower up ever but so it's like when I need to throw up it's extremely uncomfortable. And so I call Payton and she's on TikTok, of course, stalking the F1 voice. Yeah, she's on F1 TikTok. And she's like, hey, what's up?

Whispering? She's home alone. She's home alone. And she's, what's up? And I'm like, Peyton, I really don't feel good. Like, I'm, like, I'm going to throw up. So she's, like, looking up all these remedies for me to throw up. She's, like, drink warm salt water, like, whatever, whatever.

30 minutes goes by. I end up actually projectile vomiting to the point where, like, the toilet was overflowing. And then Peyton delivered Peyton sent to Uber packaged me like special prescription Zofran Yeah Zofran Which by the way

It's really wrong that you can't get that over the counter It is It's wrong It's a necessary job If you had gotten that 10 minutes before you wouldn't have thrown up No yeah I would have been fine And Julie said the toilet seat was filled To the brim with throw up

With throw up And I was like, oh, great, I'll feel better the next day. I woke up, still nauseous. Yeah. If you, like, would think our Sunday would be better, it was, in fact, so much worse. It was the worst. It was one of the worst Sundays of all time. I can't even call it a junday because that's offensive.

It wasn't a junday at all. John didn't come over until 830. 8.30. What did we do all day? You know what? We had a great dinner. Yeah, the dinner was amazing. However, yeah, we're actually getting the same dinner again tonight because that's how much we

loved our dinner last night. And then Julia finished Daisy Jones. into the six. Oh my God. And the six. So we've been singing all day. Not okay. Baby, baby, baby.

Tell me why. Tell me why. Do you know who I am? Did we enravel a long time ago? I don't know the rest of the words. Of course. But what else happened? Well, John finally came over.

Which was like seeing a fucking Messiah figure at the end. Then we did a self-tape. We did a self-tape. All of us did it together. That was really fun. And that's really fun. Yeah, it was a horrible weekend. It was a horrible weekend.

Like one of the worst of all times. And the sad thing about the weekend is Friday night had the potential to be everything. It did. Everything. And it wasn't. And it wasn't just, like, I'm sorry. Like, I'm just going to be like, look, I totally respect if you could have sober fun. I can't.

Mm-hmm. So, like, I had to be sober. And, like, I was literally just like, like, my mouth is dry, you know? Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, Julia, thanks so much for recapping your weekend. Are you, like, already getting ready to leave? Yeah.

I am. Before we leave, Julia and I never together watch, because I have to go back and edit with Nolan the episodes of Therapus. And I hate watching. Oh, is this the MBB? Yes. Oh, okay. This was Mary Beth Barone.

And I usually hate hearing the sound of my own voice. And, like, nothing can help me with that. But the sound of Mary Beth's voice, really. Jake watched it, like, the first cut with me. And he never does that. And, like, we seriously, like, I couldn't breathe. Like, I almost, I almost, like, was laughing so hard that I, like, was snodding. Yeah, Mary Beth's.

Bradf Broan is, I think, one of our favorite comedians right now. So we're really excited for today's episode. Anywho, we loved this week's episode. Oh, yeah, it was the best episode ever. We're really excited for you guys to see it. Amazing episode. And we have an Italy-themed one coming up. Mm-hmm.

Dick said he's going to throw mozzarella. I said I was going to throw mozzarella at her the whole time. Okay, well, Julia, thanks for coming on. Of course. Love you. Today, we have one of my favorite comedians in this space, Mary Beth Barone. Hi. Thank you for.

being here. It's so good to see you again. Yes. We were in the same place this past weekend. We were. I actually heard some some people next to me kind of freaking out saying, oh my God, that's Jake Shane on the floor. And they were taking videos of you. And I was like, whoa, whoa. I was like, I mean, I could DM him right now. It's not even a big deal. I'm just kidding. I didn't say, I just let them have their moment. I did DM you. But you were great. Like, you were not on your phone at the concert. You were at the concert. Thank you. I really actually pride myself in that. It was, It was pretty cool to watch. Yeah, I'm pretty, and I was on a date too, so I like couldn't be.

Wait, because you were asked. Yeah. You were on the JumboT. I was on the JT. Which many people don't know. Yeah. But you were on the Jumbotron, you got called up by name. Thank you.

I tried really hard. And you were with your nieces, right? I was in my nieces and my sister. And did they have fun? Wow. To be with two teens at an Olivia Rodrigo concert is so, like, it's so pure. Yeah. And they had the time of their lives.

I saw someone post. They were like, thank God for teenage girls after going to the Olivia Rodriguez concert and I was like so true. No, they had such a good. Also, like, being at a concert that's mostly women, it's just such a calm space. Yeah. It's, it's, no one's pushing each other. Everyone's having fun.

Everyone had such cute outfits on too. Yeah. Okay. Speaking of that, such a great point. My first concert was with a lot of gay men and I was 14. I'm just going to say it. It was not wearing deodorant. No, it was not a safe space.

No. It was an Azealia Banks concert. Whoa. Yeah. Oh, sorry, I need a second. I was 14 years old and I was like, gay people are mean? They can be. I was like, wait, like, did I hurt someone?

Like, no. You don't have to. You don't have to. I looked at my British friend. I said, what happened? And she said, I don't know. Well, there's a lot of pain. Yeah.

I think there's a lot of pain. But it's good they have spaces to, you know, really some of that. With Azealia Bix. I went to a Charlie X, X, X, X, X, during the crash tour. and I saw a tweet the next day that was like, y'all need to crash into some deodorant. And I don't know who tweeted it. And if you're listening to this, thank you for that. Because I think about it all the time.

And I feel like, yeah, there's a lot of healing to be done with gay people at concerts. Deodorant. There's, yeah. But I think it's good. I think it's great that they were out to support Azalia as well. I mean, I was there to support her. Where? What city was this in L.A.?

It was New York. What's that one? You know. Terminal 5. It's nothing but the classics at Terminal 5. I've been to so many concerts there. It's the only one I've ever been to. Which concerts have you been to there?

I saw Tovla there. I saw Charlie. I want to say like bass nectar, which is like dubstep. I know who bass nectar is. They were at Gov Bowl one year. A govall. I mean, I could go on for days about my Gov Ball experience. But I've been to Terminal 5 so many times.

And I'm glad there's some more venues that size popping up in New York. for like, you know, people that are sort of in that, like, mid-size range. But that'll always be one of the greats. Yeah. Oh, hoodie Allen was there once. Wow. I remember all the girlies were posting their Facebook albums to him. Oh, my, the Facebook, yeah.

There was a Facebook album of the Bass Nectar concert. Was there really? Yeah. What'd you call it? I'll have to look it up. Do you remember any of the names of your Facebook albums? I, one of them was called insert over played rap lyrics here. I remember that one pretty distinctly.

You know, you had to be a little cheeky, a little sexy. Of course. A little mean. I was at the end of the Facebook. The end of the Facebook era. And it has ended, which is really cool. It's over. I feel like it's over.

But it's not because they own Instagram. Yeah. But that's like, I don't think about that. You know, it's like how Disney owns Marvel. They're just so separate to me. I'm like, that's not, but like, yes, technically maybe. Right. But they're so different.

Like when I'm looking at Disney stuff and a Marvel thing pops up, that feels wrong. Yeah. It's not the same thing. Do you like Marvel? I like Spider-Man. Okay. I'm a purist. And I think the other movies, I'm so happy they exist for those that want to consume them.

I just have, I don't have time. Yeah, I did. You did. I did. I spent two weeks watching every single Marvel movie in order. And it ends, and I recommend it, it ends with endgame. It goes pretty much downhill after end game. And it will change your life.

Really? Yeah. Okay. It's straight people culture. Well, they tried to get me by putting Gwyneth Paltrow in one. Of course. In a few, really. They threw out a line for me and I said, no, I can't do that right now.

I don't have the space for it. You know. I think Gwyneth Paltrow, like, forgot she was in Iron Man. I know, which is so fucking sick. Sorry, can I curse on here? Is that I don't know, like, there's probably kids listening. No, of course. It's a curse word.

Don't say it at school. You can say it privately with your friends. Yeah. Don't get in trouble. Don't get sent to the office. I'm so excited to ask you that. So I ask all of my guests this, but is there anything you're therapist about today? What am I therapist about today?

Or this week? I don't want to get too political, but I'm really scared about just like where things are going. Oh, same. I'm pretty scared. But I'm not ready to give up yet. Like there have been moments where I was like, fuck it, whatever. Like I'm just going to, I can't be stressed about it. But I'm actually, I want to keep fighting for what I believe in.

It's stressful. as fuck. It's really stressful. Because, you know sometimes, like, you read it and you're like, ha ha, but it's real. It's real. It's not a simulation. It might be a simulation, but it affects people in a real way. I think what's been really on my mind, what's been plaguing me is the mayor of New York City.

Is it DeBlasio still? I wish. Is it Eric Adams? It's Eric Adams. Okay. Yeah. I didn't know I would wish for the de Blasio days or the Bloomberg days, but it is, it's tough that he represents us on the world stage.

Wait, why? But I'm not knowing about the mayor. Okay. If you get on to Eric Adams' TikTok, does he make TikTok? Set aside some time. No, but he gets featured in many TikToks. He's featured in many TikToks.

He says a lot of outlandish things. Like what? Well, he was on a morning show in New York, and someone asked him, if you had to describe New York in one word, what would you say? And he said, New York. And then he said, which is two words, kind of famously. And then he was like, you can wake up one day in New York and planes will hit the Twin Towers. Or you could wake up another day.

And I don't remember the latter part because I was so distracted by that first bit. But it's like, I mean, that happened one time. It's not like it's like a common thing. I mean, it was the one time. It was the one time. And it did happen. I'm not here to deny that. No.

It just felt like you have a, you're on a show. They don't want to talk about that on morning. Like, what? Talk about your bodega order. Yeah, have fun with it. Yeah. But no, and he's putting the National Guard on the subways, which I just think. What?

Yeah. What the fuck are they going to do on the subway? I don't know. I actually think they should send the entire military down there. Just to keep them busy. Just send the whole lot of them down there. I don't know. I guess it's like, and also crime is down.

So I think it's just a fearmonger. I'm really into this new term fear mongering. Wait, that means like, what does that mean again? It's like you're trying to perpetuate. idea that like people should feel unsafe but but they're actually not right I don't know if you guys have that in L.A you're all in cars I'm sure we do I'm sure we do I wonder what they would fear monger for here um like whenever it rains yeah when it rains that's true when it rains but I just bought a new rain jacket it's crazy what clothes can do because like I hated the rain like I made it my entire personality

I was like when it rains it fucking pours and like I'm not leaving my room well it's not okay it's not okay with me the city shuts down I don't want to go anywhere I don't want to do anything and then I bought a rain jacket and it stopped raining and I'm like okay like I wouldn't complain about like one more time you know right right well what's the rain jacket situation do you want to describe it do you want to name drop we love brands it's okay well no wonder you love the rain don't act like it's something anyone could do you're like I'm making rain fashionable no like it's really kind have you ever seen the show dark no okay so it's this german show okay and it's about a Sinophile.

I know. Culture. I love it. And it's about this guy who lives in a German town and it rains all the time. And all he does is wear of this not Prada, respectfully. Sad. Yeah. Sad.

Yeah. So it's a drama. It's a drama. Yeah. And he does want the Prada Rain jacket, but it's actually about time travel to show too. So he like can travel back and get at a cheaper price. Totally. But.

Which I want to talk about that. Yeah. Because these brands are getting a little crazy. Oh. They're getting a little crazy. They're getting crazy. A bucket hat I purchased two years ago has almost done. doubled in price.

From what brand? Prada. So, apparently Prada's like the in brand right now, which aligns. Yeah. Well, now that you're freaking promoting it. No one listening's ever heard. Yeah, we'll gate keep.

I mean, gate keep luxury brands for the love of God. I am really trying to be like quiet luxury. It's hard with some of the brands now, though, because their logos on everything. Everything. And I do love, I like to showboat sometimes.

You know, I want to have that sometimes. But I try not to wear two logos at once. And it's really hard with, everything going on right now. Are your earthquake? I know. Whoa.

Well, there was one in New York. I know. Didn't feel it. Didn't feel it either. Too narcissistic to feel it. I completely agree. Like what? Earthquake.

I'm not thinking about that. No, I was outside walking. I was just like, whatever. Did anyone else feel it, but you know? I think a lot of people did, yeah. Oh. Most people did. Yeah.

I like, someone was like, can you mark yourself safe? I was like. On what? Like, you remember when people used to do that on Facebook? But Facebook is over. I know, but someone was like, go mark yourself safe from the New York earthquake. How about this? Yeah.

I'm safe. Wait, so the show, it takes a citizen in town, it rains all the time, and he wears a yellow rain jacket. And I put it on and I was like, oh, I'm Yonis. Yeah. His name's Yonis. I figured. That's so cool. I'm really glad that you're figuring out a way to, like, bring rain into your life in a positive way.

Yep. And now all I want to do is, like, take a really subtle photo in the rain in my Prada rain jacket, but, like, swipe to it. So, like, the first slide is from the back so you can't see it. And then the second side you see the logo. So it's not like in your face. Totally. I didn't pay all that money for nothing.

Right. No. It should, you should definitely. But second slide feels very classy to me. Mm-hmm. It's quiet luxury. It's stealth wealth.

And I also bought it from the real real. Wait, I shop on the real real all the time. I love the real real. I love it. Except I bought a hat that was in pristine condition the other day. Never before worn. Sure.

And the letters were falling off. Who wore it? Did you email? No, I'm too scared. Okay. If there's one thing people should take away from it. Advocate for yourself. Okay.

Email the brands. The person emailing, or yeah, the real real, like the person emailing you back, it's not going to come out of their pocket. And they should like not sell stuff that's defective. Well, it's just the whole story is a bit embarrassing. Like, I had the hat. I can't imagine what it is. Like I had this hat and Beyonce has this song called Most Wanted and my favorite song

on the album, if I may say. Really? And so she's driving. down the 405 and so I was driving down the 405 and my best friend julia was like let's make a tic-tok out the window to the 405 so I and my hat flew off and it was like so it's gone it's gone and I had to I go julia like my real real account is broken please buy this for me I need a new one it was very special to me it's at summerland and that's like what I where I like to live I that is a really sad story yeah I don't know if the people listening are prepared for a story like that I'm being

That's like that's really scary. I know I need to put a fucking trigger warning on it put a trigger warning on this episode You might be you might be upset by what you hear I feel like yeah replacing that hat is it's my boyfriend calls it life tax when something like that happens if your hat flies off When you're making a TikTok and sometimes you just have to replace the thing and act like it never happened That's what I did but I can't act like it never happened when the letters are falling off yeah That's my issue I'm really sorry it's okay and I honestly think that's what I'm therapist about today. Okay I'm glad you got it out. I'm glad you know what I'm not, but I'm there pleased about.

What? I got a tracking number today for my package. Whoa. Yeah. Okay. So you're riding high right now. I'm riding so high. Like nothing could get you down right now.

I keep refreshing and it's like at the pace of tracking the package where it's going really fast. Yeah. So it's like updates. Yeah. Updates are happening. Label scanned on the plane. Land day and like.

Oh, well don't do not gloss over label created. Oh yeah. That's a really important step in the process. It's the most important, but it's the most like, I don't know what I would refer, like, oh my God, what's the word? Relate it to, God. I think I would relate it to like a movie preview. Yeah.

The idea is there. But you know when it says label created, this does not mean the package has arrived yet. Oh, no, definitely not. But then it says the package has arrived at the facility. Yeah. Oh, when the package arrives at the facility, I'm just like, I'm happy. Yeah. Isn't it crazy that in this capitalistic world, like, we just derive joy from looking at tracking numbers.

It might be the most pure form of entertainment that we have. It's the only thing that brings me joy. And like, okay, what's your favorite, favorite corporation to track? Okay, so there's FedEx, there's USPS, there's Amazon, and then there's shop pay. I have a crazy one to throw out. And this is because my boyfriend's British, so I'm ordering things in Europe sometimes, DHL. I knew you were going to say DHL. The colors are so deranged.

To have red and yellow and not be McDonald's is crazy to me. But you know what? I think they take what they do really seriously. So seriously. They're not like they're like they're kind of like they're hard asses. Yeah. And it gets their fast to the point where I'm concerned. No, I'm like, did you know I was going to order this?

How did you do that? But it's pretty, I like it as far as commerce goes. I want to get things quickly. It also like shows up and it has like a little like glossy like red and yellow on it. Oh yeah. And you like get your package and everyone's like, oh, they got something expensive. They got something expensive. It was shipped from abroad even potentially.

and wait, can I ask what the package is that's on the way? Are you allowed to say? Oh, it's bagels. Okay, wow. Okay, let's talk about that. So the other package I'm tracking in addition to the bagels is the rest of my Coachella outfits. Okay, you're hitting you with so much. You're going to Coachella.

Let's talk about that. What's the plan? What's the outfit? Okay. Did you get a stylist? No, no, no. What's the vibe? Oh, well, my best friend Julia styled me.

Of course. Because like, why wouldn't they? because I would do the same. And she styled me and it's all coming today and tomorrow. The plan for Coachella is, I am too cool for Coachella. Right. But not cool enough to not go. Right.

So I'm still going at 9 p.m. every night. Okay. So you got the day to yourself. Yeah. Because it's like, oh my God, like what? Like I didn't even think I was going to end up here. Right. It's like you actually got dragged there, if anything.

Yeah. It's like, oh, like I don't want to be here. I'm here to watch a set. Right. You know, like. Yeah. Well, it's like, oh, yeah. I'm just.

Just here for the set. Yeah, and then I'm leaving right after. And I'm going to go back and, like, just chill. I think that's really cool. Yeah, that's my vibe. Because I saw Haley and all them did it last year, and I was like, oh, that's cool. They wearing, like, jean jackets and stuff, and they, like, looked like they really didn't want to be there. I think what people in L.A. don't sometimes understand is that the coolest thing you could do is not do something.

Yes. Many, many times. That's why I love L.A. because I dress so slobby, but not because, like, to be cool, just because, like, you know, I put on a few pounds since I bought my last jeans. You know? And you shouldn't be like punished for that. No. And so I'll wear sweats. These sweats are the only thing that fit me right now.

And it's more of an homage than anything I would say to Miss Regina. It is. What are you thinking about the low hanisance? So I'm happy for everyone involved. I feel like I don't know if again, I'm always going dark. But I watched the Nickelodeon documentary. And I just feel like justice for child stars is so important. Like the industry really like chewed them up and spat them out.

So I just, I'm happy if she's happy. But can I say, I think it was the industry, but I think it was her own family, too. That's what's kind of really scary about it. Yeah. In so many cases, I feel like it is due to that. And like, but she's still hanging with them. Like they're going to every event of her. It's like I'm, because I'm watching every pop shot of her.

Because I love, I love Lilo. Of course. Yeah, like she was my 2000s girl. Yeah, she was such, I mean, I'm happy she's found her way back. And I do wonder how people navigate those relationships with their family. Yeah. But I, my family. my all his hearts of gold.

So I can't really relate. What's your star sign? Gemini. Yeah. What's your rising in moon? I'm Gemini double sage. Okay. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Louise. I am so fitting we're having this conversation right now. I'm Scorpio double Gemini. Well, and that might be one of the craziest things I've ever heard. I know. It's bad. I kind of just lifted in there so we could like hump over it.

Yeah. It's pretty bad. Barry that in the media. And so, but we were having this conversation the other day with someone and he was like my entire. friend group is twin rising and moons because you want to know why I need yourself aware because your rising is how people view you and your muse is how you view yourself so if if you view yourself the way other people view you we're better we're better we're better than others and what's your son

like my main one yeah Gemini Gemini right yeah so your sadge buries your Gemini interesting because like that's who you think you are but really you're a Gemini I think it's also like being a Gemini is There's a lot of, like, facets to it. And it's good to know that I'm aware of all of them. I think, yeah, I think Gemini is the most discriminated against star sign. I mean, it is. It is. It's really hard.

It's really, they have, like, a bad rep, but it's like, in the same way that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, like, your star sign's in the eye of the beholder. Like, why do Gemini's have a bad rep? Maybe you're projecting onto us. I don't know. It's like, yeah, and it's like almost feels like a media take down. Also, I feel like, well, I don't want to say everyone's jealous. I didn't say that.

So I actually didn't say that. And if you're thinking that, then that's because of you. Yeah, that's my own issue. Yeah. But who would you want as a friend? Who would you want to go to bat for you?

Gemini's. They fucking ride. They ride and they, they're fun. They're your sisters. You have a good, it's what we do. It's what you do.

It's what we do. By the way, that is my favorite moment from your podcast of all time. Finding that was a really cosmic experience. Speaking of the cosmos, that was a cosmic experience. Like what was your,

Like when you saw that, like, did you guys look at each other? Like, Kismet. Well, I knew, I remembered it from, because I did a rewatch a few years ago. Okay. And then Beny was like, there's this insane line delivery. Like, I have to show it to you. And he knew exactly what episode it was. We were in a hotel.

We were touring. And I was just like, we could not stop laughing. And then we came back to L.A., we showed Terry at Terrence O'Connor. And I don't know. We were a little bit drunk. And so we just were like, well, this is the funniest thing that's ever been, like, captured on TV. And I, we just, we want to get in. the minds of the editor that said like that's the take i want to i want to know what the direction was

to say just like do you know what do something do a fun take do something totally different for this one like totally out of character and then you know it captured the hearts and minds of america america and the world i would say and dan humphrey and dan humphrey wait have you so that was what's the last show you've rewatched i rewatched it's been a busy few months for me i rewatched gossip girls sex in the city and girls sort of back to back. I just rewatch girls. I think it's better than gossip girl and sex in the city. It's well okay. So I have this thing. There's certain pieces of media that are actually more relevant now than they were when they were made. Girls. Girls is one. Her with Joaquin Phoenix is another one. I need to see that movie. You have to see it. It's like it's the fact that

it was made several years ago, it will blow your mind. I would say ex Machina falls into that too for me. But it's just it's so it's crazy when media just like really can do that. Yeah. And girls is about like AI, right? And like isolation and stuff. Yeah. My mom's like it's one of the best movies about isolation ever. It's really good.

I need to see it. That's crazy. I think I'm going to watch it tonight before Coachella. That's a crazy pregame. Yeah. You know what? It's going to give you the right mindset. I couldn't agree more.

That's so funny. You showing up to Coachella just being like, I don't want to fucking be here. Yeah, I don't. I don't want to be here. But also. Yeah. Lana? Who's it?

Oh, okay. Fucking Lana. Who else? headlining. Tyler. Oh. Tyler, the creator. Doge Cat.

Ice Spice. Wow. Sabrina Carpenter. Chapel Rhone. Oh. And all I want to do is see Chapel Rhone. I have a story that will make you feel better. I went to Coachella in 2011.

I went with a boyfriend. Whoa. Yeah. This was before it was two weekends, before it was like crazy celebrities everywhere. It was like, this was like grassroots Coachella. It was Gov ball. It was Gov ball. And anyways.

I went with a boyfriend who was older than. than me and all of his friends. Okay. All I wanted to see, the only, the only act I felt really strongly about was Lauren Hill. I really wanted to see Lauren Hill. And I, unfortunately, was at the behest of these men in their mid-20s. And I was like, can we please see Lauren Hill today? And already my boyfriend was giving me grief because he's like, I'm here with my friends.

Like, I had to do stuff with my friends. We went to see duck sauce. Instead of Miss Lauren Hill. Wait, does duck sauce do Barbara Streisand? Yeah. So I just, whatever happens this year at Coachella, just know that what happened to me was worse. That is so much worse. Yeah.

You saw duck sauce instead of Lauren Hill. Yeah. She like doesn't perform that often. Oh, I know. And I was, I had to really sit with that and say, do I want to be just a cog in a man's machine? No, you don't. Or do I want to exist on my own? How soon after did you guys break up?

That was April. And then I think we stayed together until the following February. We broke up like right before the Super Bowl. So you were like, I can't do this anymore. I was like, God, too many holidays coming up. Like we have the Super Bowl this weekend. So yeah, we did end things. And it was a, you know, I was younger.

He was older, long distance. So. But Coachella, I was in, I was at BC, actually. I was still in college. But I did LSD at that Coachella and I decided to drop out of school and it's the best thing I ever did. Wow. Yeah.

So some people have great experiences with LSD. There's highs and lows. Like a, I just my fear is like on that. get out of the trip. It's not that intense, I would say. But I don't want to also be like, do it. And then if like you, I don't know. Yeah, I'm like, like in the hospital, Beth.

Yeah. Like, if you die, then like it's blood on my hands. Yeah. No, you would be like, cut it from the podcast. Cut it. Cut it. Yeah. Censor that.

Oh, okay. Well, I think this is a perfect segue into our tummy what's wrong. Do you know how they work? I think you read them and then we say what people should do. Yeah. And they have to do it or we can sue them. Yes. We can sue them.

Seasons to cease and desist. And also I think you're going to be good at this, the prescribing, like, remedies. Yeah. Because it can be anything. It can be going to Lauren Hill in 2011 of Coachella. It can be inventing a time machine. Yes. Find a yellow raincoat.

Oh, yes. The yellow vane coat. The luxury brands. We got a lot of good tips here. I was working out and drop the, I was working out and drop the dumbbells on my penis and scream. Oh my God. What the fuck? I was working out and drop the dumbbells on my penis and screw.

screamed and creamed and cried all in front of my crush. Do I kill myself or ask for that number? I think this person needs to touch grass and find God. How do you even drop a dumbbell on your penis? And how does that? What weightlifting are you doing in that position? I mean, I'm not a bodybuilder by any means, but I'm curious of the physics of that.

I'm also curious about the physics of climaxing after a weights dropped on it. I guess it's like pain kink maybe, but that feels like a lot to happen in a really short amount of time. Okay, if he has a pain kink, I'm going to prescribe all the saw movies in order. Yeah, that's really good. That's good. That's good.

I know why people come to you. Yeah. Also, if people are submitting fake stories, that's really fucked up. And that was giving fake. If it's fake, just know that like we are licensed therapists. And we're on to you. And we're on to you.

And don't waste our time. Because that was a waste of time. And yeah, you should ask for his number still. But also, does your dick still work? Yeah, like, I have a lot more questions. I was going to say maybe start from the top, because the reason that one was at the bottom is because those were like the, in case we need extra.

Oh. So that was like last resort. That's why it was at the bottom. That makes sense. I'm like, wow, they're pranking me. They said there's a comedian on today. Let's fucking, let's give her a show. No, I was like, that's a wild one to put first.

Whoa. You fire everyone. Yeah. The podcast is over. Do you see the video of Nikki Minaj screaming at her hairstyle at Sontor? No. Oh, it's the funniest thing in the entire world. The way he's bobbing and she's screaming.

She's bossed up. She's boss up. And she taught us a lot with that, so. I love Nikki Minaj. She's so fabulous. Have you seen her bit where she makes them sing the night is still young and then drips the microphone out of their hand? No. Because they are bad.

Who are they? Like her barbs. She gives them the mic. She goes, can you sing? And gives them the mic? And they go, the night is still. And she goes and grabs it before they can even finish. Sometimes they go, no, please, please.

And she says, no, you blew it. Yeah. And someone once saying, Nikki is still young. She let them sing for a little while. Well, it's flattery. Yeah. And it will always work. It will always work.

The pop girlies. My best friend. has been on and off with her ex for literally two years and he literally came back to me with a new girlfriend. Wait, what? I just dyslexia. My best friend has been on and off with her ex for literally two years and he literally came back with a new girlfriend and they literally got matching tattoos that say no sleep. I kid you not. And now she's not allowing any of our friends to say anything to him, but I just want to tell him how much of a loser he is. He's literally known this girl for five days.

I think, okay, first of all, that's so annoying. And like, stop having main character syndrome to the girl, the friend who keeps on and off. People who are on and off, you need to make a decision. So my, like, my prescription for them is to just, like, grow the fuck up. Right. Like, be together or don't be. That's insane.

But he's with a new girl and he got no sleep tattoos. And they all want to, like, ride for their friend. But she's like, just please stay out of it. I think you should all chip in for a cameo from a random celebrity saying that the guy's a loser and send it to him. Wouldn't that be so fun? Wow. Like to receive that like I mean they probably don't have like Snoop dog level funds but like if Snoop Dog was just like your tattoo is stupid and like leave my friend alone. I think that'd be kind of cool. That was sick. Also like if he's getting a tattoo that says no sleep. I think he knows he like that's a nightmare also. That's a nightmare. Sleeping is my favorite thing.

And Dakota Johnson stole that for me. Really? I've always said I could sleep 14 hours a night. Well have you ever seen the movie awake with Gina Rodriguez? No. Oh, girl. It is your worst nightmare. Oh, no. She's not sleeping. No, no.

Not only her, the world isn't sleeping. Have you ever seen Birdbox? Of course. Okay, so it's like Birdbox, but instead of seeing things, no one can sleep. And everyone in the world starts to go crazy. And she's like making her way through the world, like ripping her hair out and to find a cure for this paranoia. How did this miss me? I have never heard of this.

movie how recent is it like two years okay wow i gotta i gotta i gotta get my shit together i honestly think i might rewatch that right after her a double feature they call it they're calling it a double feature yeah it's not it's not uh what is it up and barbie oh barbenheimer barbenheimer which by the way we listened we were listening to your season finale and we couldn't agree more of that it's time we're done the press store barby has what it's two it's two years i we had such a good time didn't it was so fun and now it's time for different stuff right think which is awesome yep you know what i'm happy it put feminism into so many people's minds i think in that way it's already i don't know i don't know because i don't know they're not people i only hang out with coastal elites so i don't know

i don't know what they're thinking right but i think it's good to have discourse sometimes except if it's in my comment section then i don't really care no i don't want that keep it away from keep it away just agree with me yeah or don't say anything nothing at all about this screenshot send it in a group chat. Yeah, I would prefer that. Not, not my problem. Yeah. And not my business. In the comment section almost feels like they're like talking behind your back in front of you. Yeah. I'm like, you know I'm getting a notification. Right? My friend is in a really toxic relationship. They have broken up probably five times, most because he cheated. Oh, damn. She will get so mad when we tell her she deserves better that we gave up. I don't think there's anything they can do it,

to be honest with you. Yeah, I guess just keep trying and eventually she'll be fed up most likely. Yeah. I think, what should we prescribe? What should we prescribe? Toxic relationship on and off again. Maybe watch, maybe have a group session of watching. He's just not that into you. Okay, yeah.

Because that is a lot of really good stuff in it. Or like I'm trying to think of like a reality show where they break up and get. Oh my God, Jersey Shore. They give up on Sammy. me and they write that note they and you know what sometimes we can learn from tv yeah we can learn from both jenny and snooky did you watch chrisie shore i did i watched like the first three seasons probably oh it's some of my favorite also one time j wow was at a bar in my hometown really she's lovely yeah she you know i met i met i met a lot of the cast i met snooky i was 10 years old i made my dad take me

to a book sign in she wrote a book yep how to be a guidette i made my dad take me to a white. That's actually on the shelf. There's multiple copies. We should get that for the shelf. I made my dad take me. I was 10 years old. She took me to Barnes Noble for a meet and great. And then after that, I was at Korean barbecue and yonkers. And I ran into Ronnie and Sam. I said, mom, that's Ronnie and Sam. I was 11. What a huge day. I know. Then I've recently met J. Wow and Mike the situation. I love Mike the situation. Like the name is so cool to me. Right. Like it was like that's the name. That's the name. I'm still waiting on meeting Polly Dee, though. Wait, you know what sticks in my head to me?

me all the time I'm thinking I'm the sweetest bitch she'll ever meet. Yeah, because, right? That's like so fucking sick. It's sick and it's like the OG housewives tag on. Also, after I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off. And that's page one, how to be agreed at. How to be agreed at. And then what Snookies again?

And then it's parties here. And then Angelina says, um, hello? That's cool too. It's so simple. Yeah. And Polly D's is. No, Vinnie says, go Vinny, go Vinny, go Vinny, go Vinny. Mike says, all right, we got a situation.

And then, um, Polly D's is, I don't know. And then Ron says, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. So in that, from that, I'm taking Polly D should have done more. I, because we can't remember. For the life of me. Clearly that's a core memory for you, burned in your brain. He's like smiling at the camera. I get crazy.

I can't remember it. Sorry, Polly. Sorry. My roommate and friend just got engaged to someone I hate. It happened over spring break and the wedding is set to be this August. I am afraid she is rushing this and it will end in disaster. And they gave me their number to call them. Whoa.

And I think you're going to give really good advice over the phone. Wait, why are so many people hating their friends' partners? I don't know, but that's supposed to be the real epidemic. Yeah. COVID's over. COVID is fucking over and it's the roaring 20s. The roaring 20s. Okay.

they have a butler. You better keep this in. When you have finished recording, you may hang up. Okay, should we leave a message? Yeah. Okay, hi, it's Jake Shane. I'm with. Mary Beth Barone.

Yes, and we are here to tell you about your friend who just got engaged, whose partner you hate. So Mary, I'll let you take it off. So I would say it can be really hard in this situation. Honestly, most of the questions we've gotten today are about people who do not like their friends' partners. My advice would be, I think you can say something respectfully, just so that you've kind of set your peace.

And if it does go up in flames, you know you can sleep easy at night, which we know sleep is so important. I would also say just like... Stream awake with Gina Rodriguez. Exactly. Stream awake with Gina Rodriguez. And I would also say,

just be prepared that if it does end terribly, you just have to be there for your friend and leave the I told you so at the door. Just be supportive. And unfortunately, things end sometimes. But hey, maybe she'll come out stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? And Kelly Clarkson said that.

Yeah. And if Kelly Clarkson said it, then you know it's true. Okay, we don't even know your name, but I feel like I know you and your British Butler voicemail. Anywho, we love you. Aw.

How fun for that person. I know, she's gonna get an awesome voicemail. Yeah, oh my God. I posted something very specific about a guy on a private story that I thought him took, I thought I took him off of. Yeah, comma, he saw it.

He started typing but didn't say anything and sent me a snap. I haven't opened it. posted on my story, I'm so done posting things for a dare, but I'm dying. That's a great cover-up. I'm obsessed with this being written by a 13-year-old. You have a lot of life left to live. You will not remember this in five years.

I would say weaponizing private stories and close friends, it's a risky game. It's a risky game. Screenshots exist. You never know who's going to see it. So I would say, just presume the whole world can see it. Yeah. Private stories were never that private, ever. No, they've never been private.

I mean, I'm screenshotting them, especially on Instagram because it doesn't tell the person. Have you ever gone? Oh, yeah, that's fucked, by the way. Oh. Okay. Well, there's a part two to this story. This is the sequel. Hello?

Shut up. You're lying. Wait, no, I'm not, but I do want to hear more. Wait, first of all, what's your name? My name's Ainslie. Okay. I'm sitting here with Mary Beth Brone. Say hi.

Hi. We thought you were going to be brink. British. Are you kidding? No, your voicemail is a British man. Oh, my God. Sorry. Yeah, it is.

Okay. I'm not. Okay. Well, so your friend just got engaged and you hate them. I love my roommate and I love my friend. Not a huge fan of her now fiancé. Oof. Like, does she watch this podcast?

I'm scared now, but like, hopefully not. Well, we can always like mask your voice. voice. Okay, cool. So can we do that? No, this is a great way to start the conversation. Oh, Mary says this is a great way to start the conversation with your friend. Oh, oh, yeah, you're right. It might be. Do you want to tell her? I don't know because she's moving away, so I'm really scared that, like, if she moves and then maybe like something bad happens, but she won't have someone to talk to, you know, and like, I need her to come to me. Yeah, I think you should keep it like such an open dialogue.

And something that is raising red flag to me is so they're engaged, but they haven't lived together yet? No, they haven't. Well, hey, you could be totally safe because it could all fall apart. If he's a mess, he's not replenishing the soap. He's not buying snacks for her. He's living like a pig. You could be in the clear.

Right. And then you wouldn't have said anything at all. And then it's fine. And then you can just kind of like nod to yourself like, I told herself. Exactly. You and your other friends can start a group chat without her to talk about it. But I think, you know what? Just be there for your friend and make sure she knows that if it's not working, she should say something.

It's okay. She can change her mind up to saying I do. That's what a lot of people forget. So true. Yes. Thank you so much. That's a great advice. It really is.

Right. And it seems like you care a lot about your friend, which we can hear and you want her to still come to you. So yeah, maybe not saying something is the right move. But then, you know, if she's ever. having a problem, you could push her in the breakup direction. Yes. You know what I mean? Be a little, you know, you know what?

We love you. We prescribe. What? I'm speaking. I love you so much. Oh, we love you. Ankely, right? Anzley.

Anckley? It's British. Sorry, I thought it was Angley because of the British of it all. No. Ainsley, I love you. I love you. We prescribe. I prescribe 13 going on 30 because she breaks that engagement off.

You're right. Such a good prescription. Can I say hi to the pussies? Oh, yes. Say hi, pussies. Hi, Pussies. Okay, Ansela, we love you. Love you.

Be well. Ankely. I don't know. Because I heard Ankely and then I panicked. No. I was making me laugh at one point. That's my fault. And blame the woman in the room.

I've always said that. As a gay man, you can blame women for anything. Really? And not enough gay guys are doing that. Okay. Or actually, maybe they are. I think they're doing it a little too much. Ooh.

A friend is literally copying me. Oh, fuck no. I hate that. That's fucked up. I noticed this a while ago, but didn't tell anyone because they would think I was narcissistic. But she would constantly ask me where I got my clothes and buy them. You know what I say? Buy more expensive shit.

Put it on the plastic. Go to Prada and say, oh, you want to know where my raincoats from? It's from Prada. Yeah, and she'll be like... She'll start shaking. You know that's in a ridemaids where it's like, oh, eat an almond. And she's like... And she's totally shaking.

She's like, so good. That's what you'll tell your friend. No, you know what? That is really tough because it's hard to, it's hard to like broach that. But I think there's a way of saying it where you could just be like, I totally love that I'm on the mood board. But I feel like, you know, it's important to have our own distinct stuff. style. Go shopping together maybe and you can buy different things. But obviously she sees you or he or they see you as someone who is very stylish. So you don't want to offend them. But I think there's a way of just saying like, hmm. But like then she'll be like, oh, well, you're so narcissistic. Why would you ever think that? That's not a good friend. Yeah. And you know what? When you know what I say to that, photo evidence is your best friend. Oh, yeah. So start snapping picks. Start get your fit. Build the case. Build the case. Build the case. Because no, a prosecutor can't just.

be like you're arrested right you need you need probable cause yeah probable so i think my my prescription would be to watch erin brocovich the movie about the lawyer single mom who works a law firm that's a movie that's a movie who's erin brocovic julia roberts you got a lot of movies to watch before cocella okay so it's a triple feature that is that is a sacred text erin brockish i believe she won the oscar oh really yeah okay so it's her what was the next one single mom no she no No, no, no, it was, what was my triple feature? It was her. It's, it's, it's, her.

I thought you were saying it's Julia Roberts. And that's what's tough about naming a movie a pronoun. It's her, it's Aaron Brockovich, and it's awake. Right. And should we finish it off with a wake? I guess, because you'll want that energy. Yeah. Or like a wake to start it off.

Maybe. So it's like, you'll have it in your head, like, I can't sleep. I think what could really work is awake, Aaron Brockovich, and then her. Okay. And then you go watch Lana Del Rey. Yeah. Oh, good pregame. Good, really?

Are you a Lana girl? I am not. Whoa. Yeah. Really? Yeah, which is interesting and I know really unique, but I guess I'm just quirky. I'm a Katie Perry girl in my heart through and through. And so.

I heard she's having to come back. You know, she never left. And that's what people won't tell you. Yeah. The woman never left. You listen to witness? I listen to witness. I listen to smile.

So. Harley's in Hawaii. Don't come for me. Don't come for me. Daisy? Daisy has got me through the pandemic. Daisy's a sick song. I don't know why.

It's almost like people shunned her. She was like, I'm releasing new music and only the Katie Cots cared. She's had a target on her back for a long time. And despite the fact that she has the best Super Bowl halftime show ever, I would venture to say. Ooh. And five, number one. Look, we're coming from different walks of life. Okay.

For me, it's Katie. Okay. I think it's cool that Beyonce has done multiple. She had them multiple. And she's definitely in the top three, I would say. Who's your top three? Katie. Honestly, and this is crazy, but I think it's so cool that Aerosmith Insink and Britney Spears did it.

Because Britney Spears was dating Justin Timberlake at the time. Can you imagine playing the Super Bowl halftime show with your boyfriend? She did it with Justin Timberlick? Yeah, they all three of them. Aerosmith brought both of them on as guests, I believe. Don't fact check me. We don't fact check on my podcast. No.

So if that's just true, what I just said is true. But isn't that cool? What does Aerosmith have besides, and I don't want to miss a thing? I think they have other, live Tyler, obviously, daughter of Stephen. But I think they have other songs, I've been told. You know who Stephen Tyler reminds me of? Who's the guy that did Rock of Love? Oh, oh.

Brett Michaels. I get them confused. It's the aesthetic. It's a big aesthetic. I used to watch Rock of Love. And I watched Charm School. And I watched Flav of Flav. Flavor of Love.

Yeah, Flavre of Love. and I watched Tila Tequila takes a shot at love. So you're highly educated. I'm very educated in the reality TV space. Yeah. Like everything, VH1. That's currency. That's currency.

I'm not educated in like the really like intelligent, literate movie scene. Like I just watched The Godfather. I still have not seen it. Okay. So it's you know what? And you're going to watch it and you're going to agree with me. It's a coming of age movie. I love that.

I love that spin. Yeah, because I'm not going to spoil it. I love spoilers though. Oh, okay. So basically. It's about this guy named Mike whose dad is... Mike the situation. Yeah, but it's about Mike the situation and Snookie.

And his dad's the godfather and his dad, you know, sustains injury. And he has to come of age to become the godfather. That's coming of age. It is by definition coming of age. Like whether you would like to believe it or not. I think sometimes straight guys put movies into a box. And then until it's seen by a queer and female audience, it's like it's just one thing. But you know what Katie Perry once said?

What? I'm not just one thing. Not a lot of people know that. A Katie Cat. She's a Katie Cat. I love Katie Perry. Me too. I mean, it's one of those artists where it's like, where were you when?

You heard them for the first time. I remember when I heard a kiss to girl. Yep, that's me too. It was a huge track for me. And a lot of people come for that song because it doesn't represent like everyone's queer experience. But as someone who was raised Catholic and I was like, oh, kissing girls is fun. And then later would come out as bisexual.

That song was important to me. Yeah. Yeah, that song's amazing. It's a really good song. Yeah. And then what else does she have on there? She also was like, you're so gay on the same album. Oh, my God.

One of the boys. Yeah. She has hot and cold. Hot and cold, I think, don't quote me or fact check me, but I think waking up in Vegas is on that album. It is 100% on that album. And then I also think it's not the one that got away thinking of you. With Kyle X, Y in the music video. Yeah, and he's like a war hero or something.

A soldier. Yeah, that song changed my life. He's fighting for our right to freedom. The last great soldier. The last great one. It's crazy how Katie and Lady Gaga, like, kind of just blew up at the same time. What, God. What an amazing time to be on earth.

I wonder if people at the time were, like, that, like, were, like, I was young, but I was a big little monster. But, like, people that were, like, 20 were like, what a cunt time this is. We knew. And I know that, I know this for a fact because I was on Tumblr. I was a Tumblr girl at the time. And people were, we were rejoicing. Like, we knew we had it so good and we knew it would never be that good again. It's never, ever.

And it never has been. Katie and Gaga? Gaga, no one was doing it like Gaga. And the Gaga Madonna beef of it all. Oh, it's all just so fabulous. That's culture. That's culture. Oh, God.

And then she was on Gossip Girl. We had a lot. We weren't, I will say we could have been more thankful in looking back. I have a lot of gratitude. Yeah, and it's in the moment. It's hard. It's hard. Okay, I think this is our last one.

Or maybe I'll do another one of the. Cuckoo ones. Ooh, I like this one, I think. That's my last one. I had a sugar daddy that flew me out to Florida where he lives. He paid for my flights and all my food, and I even stayed with him for free. I mean... Well, that would be insane if you charged you for room and board.

My problem is he's almost 70 and refuses to let me drive. I'm 23. He is not a good driver, and all week I felt like I was going to die. He argued that he would rather drive because he wants me to sight see, which I guess is kind of romantic, but still, my life is more important. This is such an important issue for... people in their late teens all the way into your early 30s, advocate for yourself in the car. Yeah.

If someone's driving in a way that makes you feel unsafe, it is so fucking scary. It is so scary. And I would rather be a little annoying to someone and not die ultimately than be like, oh, man, I wish I said something from up in heaven. Right. One time, though, like my friends that kind of have like anger issues with that, like I was in the car with someone and I was like, yo, like the phone. The phone drives me insane.

The death stare I received. I was like, look, I'm sorry, but like, I'm just having a moment of anxiety. I know. Normally, I don't care, but like right now I'm like, you're tapping away and like the light's great. I know that person doesn't have a double sign in their chart because they are not aware. They don't. They're not self-aware. They don't.

And you know, apparently it's for people that have double signs, they really click. And like, it's hard to be friends with people that aren't double signs after you start becoming friends with people with double signs. You should not get behind the wheel. Ask for someone's chart. Forget on dates. Before you get in a car with someone behind the wheel, ask for their chart. That is so scary and disrespectful.

It's also illegal. It's not like we're being like prudish. Yeah. Like it's illegal. Because people get in accidents all the time. All the time. I got into an accident in an Uber once. But it was an insurance scam and I'll tell you why.

Tell me why. So I'm in my Uber and suddenly the car stops once and then stops twice and on the stop twice like obviously it and it like crashes. Impact. And I'm like crying. Like I run out of the car with one flip flop on like sobbing my eyes out. Okay. So you're down bad. Yeah.

You're freaking out. And we were across the street from, we were across the street from a hospital. And I was like, oh, just my luck. And so I'm on the phone with my dad hysterically crying. Just my luck. And this guy taps me and he goes, hey, can I talk to your dad? I'm an insurance guy. And I'm like, double luck.

What the fuck luck is this right now? And he's like, hey, to my dad. He's like, I got you. I actually represent people that get an Uber car crashes. And my dad was like, oh, okay, thank you so much. Can you give the phone back to my son? And then I'm like, dad, how fucking. Great. Like, kismet. What luck. It's kismet. And he's like, no, Jake, that's a scam. So it was a scam. It was a set up scam.

They're not, they're not unheard of. They're not. And so that's why I can never drive because every time now, that's why you can never drive. I pull up to like a T-bone section. I clen my body clenches. That's really scary. Yeah. But you didn't sustain any injuries. No, I mean, I had a little bit of like seatbelt burn. Yeah. Wait, that does really suck in. It's really scary. I think road safety is like so important. And it's not even, it's like not even a joke. Like, you are, like, driving is community based. And you're only on, the road is only as safe as the least safe driver on the road. How? I just, like, I just, that's an analogy from you're only as happy as your least happy child,

which my mom says sometimes because she has six kids. But yeah, the road is only as safe as the least safe driver on the road. Did you just come up with that? I just did, just in the moment. That was fucking crazy. I told you having an old lady on this podcast would spin gold. Right. So I hope I didn't disappoint.

You've spun platinum. Like, actually. But yeah, please drive safe. Like, seriously, it's scary. I prescribe, I think, clueless because remember she can't drive and gets on the highway? Oops. Sorry. Yeah, like, she's a virgin that can't drive. Yep.

Sounds like this 70-year-old guy is too. But you know what I say? I'm so happy that she's profiting. Okay, and I think I have one more for us. One more. I found my stepmom's dildo and vibrator. I want to kill myself now. Please hunt help.

Girl, stepmoms need to get an into. Why were you snooping? Why were you snooping? Mind your business. Mind your business. And for that, and my prescription, the song Mind You'll Beet by Britney Spears, Britney Jean Spears. I need to listen to that song. Mind you'll be, man Joe beat.

It's recent. It's a recent song. Yeah. You know what I prescribe? What? You know the movie with Shia LeBuff where his next door neighbor is a serial color. Oh, I'm sorry. Are you talking about Disturbia?

Yes. Yeah. One of the greatest horror movies of our time. And he shouldn't have snooped because then it would have been all fine. If he didn't snoop, he would have never been in that situation where he was almost murdered. So that's what I prescribe. You know what else he did? He was on house arrest.

Yes, he was. God, Shilov was hot back in the day. There's also a big car accident scene in that movie. Whoa. So this is very topical. It opens on a huge car wreck. This is one of the best episodes of prescriptions I've ever had. We're just out here to help people.

I'm all about helping people. Me too. I don't know about you. I don't know if you started this out of. self-interest or because you want to help people. But, you know, it's a mix of both. I like hearing myself talk. You're really good at it.

Also, you're a great, like, podcast hosts. You keep the conversation going. And you're like, I've definitely been on some podcasts, which I'll tell you offline, because I love naming names. Sometimes it feels like it's my podcast. Oh, I hate that. And I don't, I like when it, I'm, I'm a guest in your home. Oh.

I mean, you've got this. You've got the bar card. We're in the office. It's like I want to feel, I want to feel like I'm in your space. You are, but I almost feel like I think you're such a star that I'm in your space to. Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, speaking of endings, what did we learn today?

I think we learned that people do not like their friend's partners, and that's a huge problem. And much like safe driving, I think it's always okay to express concern about a partner's behavior. Yeah. But you never want to come from a place. You always want it to come from a caring place because you don't want to damage their relationship. Because the worst thing that could happen is your friend is with a bad partner and they have no friends. And it's like you don't want to come off It's like I just hate the partner

Because then that friend's going to be resentful It's like no, I care about you Yeah, I think also interrogate Whether you don't like the partner Or whether you miss the friend being Like you miss being that friend's number one priority I agree Sometimes I think it's both and that's okay

But then it's like are they really a bad partner Or they're just not someone you would date Right Because that's a great point And you know what else I think we learned The road is only as safe As the least safe driver Dash Mary Beth Barone

And I dropped the mic and break it I smashed the bar cart Yeah I totally leave this place In shambles, sorry Honestly like I think it would be okay Louise would be like it's fine Yeah

As long as the cameras are rolling Yeah Thank you for coming on therapist Thanks for having me You give a little tense up Bye Pussies Bye Pussies It's this

Yeah it's one thumb down Four Bye Pussies Bye Pussies Bye Pussies What's up?