Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 47: Matt Rogers

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Mama, a Matt Rogers behind you… Tell Me What's Wrong at ⁠ passthatpuss.com Follow Me! Instagram | @passthatpuss TikTok | @octopusslover8 Follow Matt & Stream “Santa Boy” Out Now! @mattrogerstho https://www.mattrogersofficial.com/ Listen to "THERAPUSS" Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1BHDdC0OVuHqZ706FobfOF ⁠⁠Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapuss-with-jake-shane/id1723626781⁠⁠ Amazon Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/93117357-1f23-46e1-8f26-88f5182a68b8/therapuss-with-jake-shane⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@octopusslover8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Solving your problems with the famous person on the couch. If there are buddies shook. It's me, Jake Shane. Hi, Pussies, and welcome back to Theripus. Sorry, I have a little egg on my jeans because I just filmed a skit, which I've actually realized doing those, like, improv skits is so, so, so, so sorry, that is my Hatch Restore breathing alarm. As you guys know, sleep is imperative.

to my mental health and who I am as a person. So using the Hatch Restore is just very, very vital to my sleep routine. It wakes me up very peacefully and also puts me to bed very peacefully. But you can also wake up with like really fun alarm clocks too. I choose the morning rave, which says, it's like a DJ set and then it says, thank God it's Monday. And even if I hear it on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday, it still hits the same. Hatch is a sleep smart cock.

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And it makes waking up so much more enjoyable. You can customize your like nighttime and morning routines with like different lights. So like you can turn this purple or blue or green and you can have it do ocean sounds or you can have it do a morning rave like I enjoy doing because it really gets me out of bed in the morning. Or you can do the meditation flute, which is what you guys just heard. Hatch is currently offering $20 off the Hatch Restore for Theripus Listeners now as part of their Buy More Save More December event. You can go to Hatch.com slash therapist for $20 off your Hatch Restore. And free shipping. There is something to be said about relaxation, not being prompted by something on your phone,

and instead being prompted by an external device or an external thing. I think your phone inherently isn't relaxing. So for my breathing alarm to go off in more of a peaceful way on like a smart alarm clock as opposed to a phone, just makes it way more relaxing to begin with. and makes me just put down my phone almost immediately. I don't have to click anything on my phone. Like, it's just I can breathe and relax. So thank you, Hatch, for sponsoring this episode.

Today's episode with the one and only Matt Rogers, who co-host Los Culturistas with Bowen Yang. He is a hysterical, hysterical comedian. He's an artist. He's released a Christmas album. He's a podcaster, Las Culturistas. He's an actor. He was on Fire Island.

and he's a comedian. And now I think I can call him a friend. This was one of my favorite episodes I've ever filmed. He is so exceptional. He is so fun to talk to and he's so, so funny. I'm so excited for you guys to hear this episode. So without further ado, Matt Rogers. Are you Jewish?

No, but you skibed you. Are you fearful of not being able to be buried in a Jewish cemetery? No, because I want to. I give Jew? Yes. I love that. Major. I am not fearful of it.

I'm going to be cremated. We got to turn that AC back on. Really? Are you? I'm schitzing. Speaking of Jewish. Are you actually? Yes.

I'm schfitzing. Okay. Are we rolling? Okay. So I am not fearful of not being able. Like, I was told that as a kid. And like once you tell me something like that, like I'm never going to forget it. It feels like a scare tactic.

You know what I mean? Now I'm like, if I get a tattoo, am I going to get bad luck? But is it actually in like, the Torah? The Torah. Did you see me for a second, like get really nervous that I was going to call it the wrong thing? It's like, have you seen that video of Jimmy, was it Jimmy Kimmel calling RuPaul a drag queen? A drag queen? A drag queen.

Where does he come from? S&L? Jimmy Fallon? Yeah. Very much so. Oh, okay. Yeah. Excuse me more.

Well, see, that's like, I guess, like, see, when I was growing up, Jimmy Fallon was so. from SNL. And so now I guess he's like very much from the Tonight Show. No, he's very Tonight Show. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 34. Wow, you look so young.

Do I? Yes. You think I look so young and also I give Jewish? Yes. Yes. You do give Jewish. This is major. I'm learning a lot.

What are you Italian? No. Do you want to guess what I am? I guess you just did. Okay. Is this the episode? Are we going? Yes.

Period. Right? Okay. Okay. Okay. So you're not Italian. You're not Jewish. Yeah.

Are you like Irish? I am, but I don't think that's the part you're picking up on. Greek? Okay, get this. So I live my entire life thinking I'm almost 50% Greek.

All right? Because I'm when I'm told. So this is what I'm told all my life from my grandmother, who by the way loved being Greek. Of course. It took us to go see my big fat Greek wedding, the whole thing.

I remember. I do the 23 and me. I like spit in the two. Send it in. They come back. Why did you do that? You're not supposed to do that. Well, I did it.

Too late. Where were you in my past? I'm Turkish. Full-blooded. I'm Turkish, too. Really? Yes. You don't give Turkish the way I give Jewish.

What do I give? White. And it's okay to say. I'm Russian. Are you Russian? Yeah. Really? Is Shane your actual last name?

Rosco. Did they know that you have a stage name? Yeah, everyone know. I think, like, people seem to be pretty jarred by it whenever they find out, but, like, most people do know. I love that. Jacob Jane Rochko. Okay, so you're like, you refused to, like, do the Nicole Scherzinger route of, like, I'm sticking with my heinous last name. Right.

They will learn it. You know, I think, I think that that... You love her on, what is it, off sunset, before sunset? Sunset Boulevard. Wait, we talked about this. Yes, because I swiped up. I'm like, because I feel like you've posted this like 40 times. Like you've got to go see it.

Okay, get this. I went to the Sunset Boulevard first night, opening night. This is how- Jesus fucking Christ. I know. How many times have you seen this musical? Okay, literally I saw it once on the West End. And then I saw it once on opening on Broadway and that's it.

And how good is she in it? She's literally phenomenal in it. Like to the point where she was winning the Tony Award, it was not even a question. and then she said on Russell Brand's Instagram, like, where can I get that hat that make Jesus relevant again hat or whatever the fuck it was? Not that Jesus is irrelevant.

No, he's never irrelevant. If Jesus did come back today, huge on TikTok. Huge, huge. With the tricks he was pulling? Well, because Jesus was like, you know it's true. The OG.

The OG influencer. OG influencer. He had the biggest following when he had disciples, bitch. Like, forget about followers. My guy had disciples. And he got canceled and came back from it. There you go.

You know what I mean? He'd your man's warning. Yes. You can do it. Nicole can do it. When's the last time you saw Wicked on Broadway? Okay, this actually is funny. I saw it a couple years ago, like really close to Christmas.

I was, so I usually like my December's are like booked up because I do like a Christmas tour. Yeah, you're like Mr. Christmas. I don't know why I thought you were Jewish. Yeah, I know. sort of have like a whole Christmas thing. But I guess that would be kind of funny, right? For comedians make their brand Christmas and they're Jewish is kind of funny. But like I have a Christmas song coming out and it's called Santa,

Can You Pay for Me? I forgot my card. And I'm Jewish. I like this though. Right? Well, here's the thing about Christmas. It kind of like is for everyone because they force it to be. That's what I'm saying.

That's the whole thing. So I saw a couple years ago when COVID decided it was like back bitch. Yeah. Remember when COVID went away and then there was, we made it like halfway through the holiday season and it was like, I'm back, bitch. Yeah, how could I forget? How could I forget?

Everyone was like, stay inside. I was like, we just, we just did that. Yes, I believe it was Omicron. Yeah, it was Omicron. Conti little name. And Omicron took Populus in, is that a word? Took Populis? I like it.

I don't know if it's a word. See, can I say something to you? And this is going to be, like, everyone listening to this is going to be very, like, I knew exactly this is what this would be because I changed my train of thought every, like 15 seconds. Oh, I do. Yeah. You are my little brother. Did you know that?

Oh, That was so nice. You are. I watch you. I watch you and I'm like, that's, that, I see myself in you. You know from 30 Rock? Of course not. This is where I have to come in with my brotherly shit though.

I know. You have to understand 30 Rock. Well, I did watch 30 Rock as a child. Jenna Maroney looks in a mirror. Who's the blonde one? That's Jane Krakowski, aka Jenna Maroney. Right, right. She looks in a mirror and it's the stupidest joke ever, but I think it's so funny.

She just looks in a mirror at herself and she goes, I see myself And you And that's it That's the joke She sees herself in the mirror I feel like it's like You had to be there

Right Not my little brother dragging me After I just said I see myself in him No I And I but I've never been so honored Like I'm gonna talk about that

For the next week I just feel like I see you out there And like you like me Two things Can't help it I can't help it Bitch I can't help it

And two you do know your words. No, you don't know your words, but you do know your heart. What does that mean? Like, you don't always know your words, but you always know your heart. But what does that mean? Like sometimes the words, like, it took populace. That's not right.

Right. But I know what I mean. But you know exactly what you mean. And you know where you're going. Right. Omicron was in Miami. Period. Right?

Whatever that means. The COVID variance. It was all over. It wasn't just in Miami. No, but like it was in Miami. But it got you in Miami? No, no. Well, when did you get COVID for the first time?

I actually got COVID for the first time. It was Omicron. Shut up. That was a gnarly one. I heard that gave you that. What did it get? The long COVID? No, I heard it gave you that.

What is that? The shits? The shits? I don't remember shitting. I remember having very COVID-like symptoms. Did you lose taste and smell? Okay. No.

But I had like the chills and the shakes and the, The fevers and the... Nothing until you lose your taste and smell. I lost my taste and smell. Guess what the first meal I had was the second I lost it. Pasta. Pokey. Did you...

So like, do you love pokey so much? Yes, I was like, please, by the grace of God, let this, let me taste this right now. Let me just have my pokey. It tasted like someone took my lip, cut it up. No. Because that's the texture of raw fish. This is like the substance. Yes.

And then, and then I, and then this sounds, this sounds very, like not anyone else's problem but my own, but I could not taste truffle for four months. Oh, no, not truffles. Truffles. But I, over Mother's Day, 2021, I began to taste truffle again when I had a delicious serving of truffle fries. Period. To answer your question, the winter of 2021 is the last time I saw Wicked on Broadway. Oh, okay. See, that's my thing is I'll find the thread.

Yeah, I just had to do math. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, you did just find that thread. I was kind. It's hard, though. Sometimes you forget what you're talking about because you get up on another thing, and oftentimes you can't find the thread. I never find the thread.

It goes missing in the haystack. It's okay. That's okay, too. But you, as my older brother, find it for me. I'm just trying to thread. Why does it feel like we're from different cultures, but we're from the same culture? We are. Where are you from?

Long Island, New York. New York. Well, I'm also from Washington Heights, New York. Oh, really? Yeah. Because I would think you, I would think you grew up around here. No. Washington Heights.

A city boy. City boy. So do you feel really comfortable on the subway at a young age? Would you walk on it? The subway was, I was about to bring up the subway. But yes. What were you going to say about it? That I've had like weird experiences on the subway.

Like my life has been threatened, but I was 13. So think about your life. being threatened when you're 13 on the subway. That's horrible. I don't know that I would be able to get back on there. I was like, whatever. Like, I like, you know, like, I, like, it was scary in the moment, but my mom always taught me that, like, it's so fine.

So, like, I was just kind of like, oh, it's fine. I think about the things I used to do on the subway back when I thought, like, nothing bad was ever going to happen to me. What'd you do? Just, like, fully sleep by myself. That's crazy. Like, what, I would, I would, so I used to wait tables, like, that was, that was, you my whole gig all throughout my 20s in New York,

and I would get on the subway, like after my shift ended at, like, truly 3.34 in the morning. Where did you wait tables? It was in the financial district. It was like way down time. I was called Ulysses. It was like an Irish bar. Irish.

Yeah. Well. Almost. I was the only gay waiter. I was a tokenized gay waiter. Do you know I wrote for the second season of the other two? You wrote for that season? Yes.

That is one of my favorite shows ever. Thanks. I feel sometimes. So I wrote for that show and then I didn't end up writing for the third season because other things came up. But sometimes I felt like they were making fun of me in the third season. I was like, I know it. You doubt you were Carrie Duback? No, it was just that I remember I got the job writing on the show and they liked that I was also like trying to make it as an actor and like worked my jobs and everything.

So they were using you for InSpo. So a lot of times I would pitch real things from my life. Like one time I did like, like they did this whole bit where it was. It was like carrying like, it was like carrying an ethnic woman playing like, is this food? It was like, it was like a white gay guy and an ethnic woman being like, I don't know if a hot dog's a sandwich or not. What do you think? And it was just like a very like chuggy millennial like back and forth. Like here's diversity.

And I remember I pitched that and that made it into the show. And then like as I was watching it, like I was, I remember feeling like they're just going to drag me to hell for the rest of this show. That was at you. Kind of. What about, do you have like a favorite other two episodes? Well, the one that I was like most, I guess, quote unquote, responsible for, like the one I pitched the most for was when they went upstate and they met the instigays. Seriously, we are so aligned.

I'm like, if he's responsible for the instigays, I will. Miner and Bress was me. Shut the fuck. That was me, babe. The instigays? I was like, a gay person had to have written this because this is true. Definitely a bunch of gay people contributed to writing it and the creator's names are on the episode, but that was my name.

That is that is Instagram gay culture. Yeah for sure. No, absolutely. It's crazy. It's like what happens when instigays grow up a little bit. They sort of like, wear like matching white tanks with their partner and they pose barefoot in front of a fireplace and have like, they're like, I'm a slithering. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like that's like the vibe. Do you ever go to Fire Island? Speaking of Instigays? I go to Fire Island almost every year. I was in the film Fire Island. Okay, well, I knew that. And we shot it there. It seems like you didn't know that.

You go, well, I knew that. It's okay if you didn't know that. What's your favorite real movie on three? One, two, three. Well, that wasn't part of it. Okay. I said one, two, three. Okay, favorite real movie on one, two, three.

Can we say at the same time? Yes. Maybe it's the same. One, two, three. The Devalu Blonde. That's like really close. Yeah. Okay, should we?

I love DeVilleur's Prada. I love Legally Blonde. Girl. We can watch them back to back. and it will be an amazing time. I'm down as fuck. And then what do you feel about the Devil Wars product sequel and the Legally Blonde sequel? Well, there was a legally, do you ever see Legally Blonde 2, Red, White, and Blonde?

No. Because that came out fully. And it wasn't that great. Okay. And The Devil Wears Prada sequel, I guess I am interested, but Ann Hathaway is not going to be in it. What? I don't care then. It's, you know what the storyline is?

What? So the storyline is, I guess, years and years have passed. and Miranda Priestley is like, her company is like out of money or something. And so she has to like go to Emily Blunt, who's now like a big fucking deal on her own right and has to like get money from her or something. And they have to do like a bad bitch team up.

And Hathaway nowhere to be found. But that's not Miranda Priestley. She'd quit before that. I don't know what to say. You got to talk to the writers. Why isn't Anne Hathaway in that? She, oh, she's going to do a stupid cameo and that's going to be it. She probably is going to come in at the end and be like,

hey, it's me, Andy. That's me as Anne Hathaway as her character. Hey. That work. What do you feel about speaking of Andy? It's very like, meep. You know, you know this culture? Meep.

Yes. When instigates go, meep. Dick couldn't be smaller. Yes. When they're wearing like a wool hat and like no shirt and they're like, or like, you know what? Yes, it's fall. You know what they'll do like the zoom in?

Like, what? And they'll like zoom in. on TikTok. Do you know what I mean? Okay. The millennial Zoom, people dragging for the millennial Zoom. I go on TikTok for two seconds. I swear to God, wasn't bothering anyone just with being myself. I get in so much trouble for the millennial zoom. You do,

do it. No, I don't do. Yes, you do do it. I'm like, I am a millennial, though. What am I supposed to be? Not myself. Like, not, like, I'm Gen Z. That doesn't mean I have to say, like, Mama, a Matt Rogers behind you. Like, you know what I mean? Like, is that a Gen Zee thing?

Yes. That's like, and do you guys know what I'm talking about? Wow. Or like skibbitty toilet. What is this? Oh, skibbity toilet I do know about. Because I can't fucking believe it. Sometimes news does reach my millennial desk and I let that go right across my desk. I was like, no, I can't deal with that.

Skibbitty toilet was actually too much for me. What is it? Skibbity toilet and then there's do you know the Costco guys? You know the Costco guys? Who are they? The Rizzler. What do they do? The Rizler. Is that someone with Rizze? It's the, what do they say? Nolan sing it.

Oh yeah, we bring the boom. And they rate stuff from Costco, right? You know, chicken bake. Back in my day, the Costco guys were the people that held out the samples. Okay. Justice for them. Justice for them.

You know they're not paid well enough. Not to drag Costco. But also not to not. So, Matt, what are you therapists about today? Okay, wait, there's actually two things. Okay, I'm really excited because I actually, for the first time, wait, I asked you a question and then I started speaking.

Go. Now, did you do that because it's a note that you've been given so I get that note all the time. Don't talk over people, but can I tell you something? Release it. Okay. Why?

Because. What are you going through? I will just, I never come in with a thing that I'm therapist about and today I was like, I have something. Do you go first? I always need a battle to fight. And then,

right? Did you just? What? Oh, ditto. It's like an Alabama sorority thing that she knows. Oh, okay, cool. I always need a battle to fight, and that's what, and the thing is I'm such a good fighter.

Yeah. I'm so good at it. And you don't have a battle to fight today? But then it's like, why fight a battle that's not even real? 100%. I always have a battle I need to fight. Yeah. And then my real battles, when I'm actually being attacked,

mean nothing. Okay, yeah. So that's what I'm pissed about. You're pissed about that. I'm pissed about that. I'm pissed because my apartment is a fucking mess. Oh. And this morning, my foot was hurting and I didn't know why.

And last night, wait, those are my two things. Last night, too, it was hurting really bad and I didn't know why. The bottom of my foot. Oh, your arched. Your arch. 100%. But then I woke up this morning and I started to go away. So to be real, I got pissed because the thing I was therapist about started to go great.

My foot's amazing now. But then I looked around to my apartment. I'm like, this is a fucking mess. And is a reflection of what's going. on up here. How messy is your apartment? Bad. You want to know what it was.

I did retail therapy for the election. Oh, needed. Needed. Like the day before, the day of, and the day after I did retail therapy. And now I have more clothes than hangers. Does that ever happen to you? Yeah. Well, yeah, I have no space in my room for anything.

Yeah. That's very much what I'm going through. Retail therapy actually works. That's the thing about retail therapy is it works. It works. Like, I'm like, oh, I feel pretty good. Like, I got. two new things today.

I'm like, I didn't pay for them. They were birthday presents. Mm-hmm. Wait, I actually got four new things today. Today, just said it. Is it your birthday? It was two weeks ago. Oh, okay.

Happy belated. Thank you so much. And let me emphasize belated. No, I, thank you. But I got all my presents today. Oh my God, I got five new things today. I actually got this on retail therapy. How cute?

Where is that from? This is from, well, it looks like it's from Percy. Okay, but where did you got it? But I got it on Melrose. I actually, it was like, It was one of the, it's like half vintage shore, half like not. Yes. You know what I'm saying?

It's like a larger store. Oh, no. Well, you know what I'm saying. It's like that little run of, it's right by that restaurant, Jesus Christ. Oh, God. What's, yeah. Yes, I got this in American rag. Oh, it's really cute.

Yes, I got this an American rag. Thank you. I, sometimes I can't stop myself. I'll put one thing on. And also, do you have a color that no matter what it is, you'll buy it if you see it. Yes. my color is a shade of red. Case in point.

Well, this was one of the gifts I got today. Oh, period. Right? Mine is blue, even though this is green. This is like a secondary good color. Okay, mine is like, yeah, a green. I like a green. I think red just like, I don't know.

Yeah, red is good for you. Like I saw this red jacket on someone yesterday, and I was like, if I was looking at that right now, I'd buy it. I mean, you know, I actually have to say deeply, thank you for wearing the red because I'm in the green. You're in the red and we're Christmas. We're Christmas. Miss.

Sure. Sure. Tap. Sure tap. Sure tap. What's your star sign? Pisces. That is why I love you so much.

Yeah. What are you? Scorpio. Scorpio and Pisces. So, you know, my best friend, Bowen, is a Scorpio. He is. He is a Scorpio. Well, what's his rising on his moon?

So, hmm, that actually, I have to get clarification on that, but... Do you know yours? Yes. I'm Pisces. Pice's. rising cancer moon. Like, I'm, like, deeply... Do you cry a lot?

All the time. You know what? I cried this morning. No. Yeah. I was in the... I was literally... So I have my tour coming up, so I've been working with the vocal coach.

Congratulations. Thank you. And I got three lines into one of my songs and I started crying. No. Yeah, I was like, wait, what? And it's like a comedy song. And I was like, but I just like, was like feeling the melody and like... Oh, like...

I was like, wait, hold on. And then I did that stupid fucking actor thing of like, stop everything I have to honor this emotion? Oh my God. Welcome to Hollywood, Jake Rushker. No. Can you handle mean people? No.

Neither can I. I don't like it. It hurts my feelings a lot. Well, mine are like, you can call me ugly, you can call me fat, you can call me whatever. You can't call me those things. Oh my God, you can call me whatever the fuck you want to call me when it comes to my looks. I literally, I mean, like, it'll hurt my feelings, but like I don't give a fuck because, like, at the end of the day, I am doing better than you. there you go.

That's actually a huge thing. Do you know what I mean? When you insult my character, you're like a real housewife. If you insult my character, you owe me an apology. No, but that's because I've said whatever you're saying about me

and my character, I've said to myself already. So I believe it's true now. You know what it is to, what's crazy is like, and this is what I say about you about you can't help it because I can't help it either

and we're very vulnerable and we're water signs and we show our heart and everything. And so then people who don't have that chip working know that about us and specifically tailor comments that they make to hurt us. You know what I'm saying, right? Like they'll find out what it is you don't want them to say, and they'll say it because of this.

So that's like the bad side of the coin. It's like the good side of the coin is like you are who you are. Right. It's attracting all the good things and nothing about you should change. But the bad thing is you are sensitive. It's a part of who you are. And a lot of people out there are just mean and want to come for you with that. I'm so sensitive. I get it, boo. I am too.

Do you know what my rising and my moon are? Are they also all water? Girl. So much worse than that. My God. Gemini rising, Gemini moon, Scorpio, Sun. Oh, no. So did you get a lot of people assuming you can't be trusted? Well, I used to not be able to be trusted, yes. Wow. In what sense?

I said a big mouth. You had a big mouth to talk to a lot of shit. And then it bit me in the ass very, very, very hard when I was 20 years old. Yeah. So much so that it, like, ruined my life for three months. And from that day on, I was like, I can't never again. So what was it? Was it that, like, someone that you, like, really loved and trusted, told you something?

No. It was just like, I was being a bitch. And, like, I was being, we were all, like, we were all being bitchy, but, like, I was a little too. You took it too far. I took it too far with the people I was talking to. And then I was like, you know what? Like, I just need a smaller circle of people. And then we can all shit talk together.

Right. Like, I just, my circle is too big. That's the thing is it's like, you kind of have to assume, like, this is something that's worked for me. Assume you're talking to yourself. Would you repeat it? Yes. There you go.

Then don't say it. I saw you lifting in the gym. You'd be working out. Thank you. Girl, I see you. Were those 40 pounds you were? I'm 45. Period.

Yes. And I did 50, but they fell. I do Barry's boot camp six days a week. Wait, can I come? Please. Wait, I'll come with you. I'll come with you to Barry's. Let's do it.

So I go to the one in a shit, which is far from here. Fuck that. But that's like, that's next to my apartment. We will figure this. No, no, no. This is not interesting to them. But it's scheduling of the locations. No.

So everyone comes on here and they say shit like that. That's not true. Now he's got a battle of fight. They, the pussies like, love just hanging out. They just love logistics. I have this very intrusive thought. Are you scared of needles? No, but I can understand.

Okay, just wondering. Well, it's your intrusive thought. I had an IV. Like, earlier, I get, I, like, I'm addicted to IVs. They do. Have you ever gotten it with magnesium? Yeah. Dude. Have you gotten the NID Plus? No. Bitch.

Have you ever gotten the thing in your IV that, like, when they put it in, it, like, puts pressure on your veins. What hurts? Yeah. Don't love that. So I actually got magnesium when I was in a room full of people for, okay, so like you, I do, maybe we are, we really are maybe related in a past life. I made a comedy album. You did? It's called Puss and Poems.

Puss in Poems. I love that. So I have a song called The Hangover song and I was recording my music video for it. And I scheduled an IV for the same time that the music video was being recorded. So I got it in the music video. It's so funny though. It worked, but so they put magnesium and they put so much in it at the same time that I got a high. throughout my body and it felt really

I felt like I peed my pants. Oh. Because I lost control of my bladder. Yeah, my bladder. My word. I know, but I, and I couldn't do anything. There was 10 people in the room. Did you pee?

I thought I did, but I had no idea until after it. And I was like having a panic attack. You were not okay. I was stressed. I was really stressed out. I do swear by those things, though. I just got one. If you have a hangover or whatever, do you drink?

Yeah. Yeah. Do you? I do. It's kind of like, I grew up in like the culture. Like, Long Island people drink a lot. Yeah, I broke my wrist on a Long Island iced tea.

You're kidding. Wait, what? Yeah. You broke your wrist on a Long Island iced tea? I drank Long Island iced teas all night because the place that I was going to serve them, and they weren't carding, I was 16 years old, and I got on my friend's shoulders on this concrete sidewalk, and I fell on my wrist. Baby.

Long Island Ice Se is not a glamorous drink. But they taste good. No, they do. They definitely do. But I will say, it wasn't until college that I found. my actual drug of choice, which I believe we also connect on, which is marijuana.

Do you want to smoke right now? Yeah. Oh my God. Can you please go grab my pen? It's on my bag. Wait, literally. Like, are you guys, like, have you ever smoked on the episode?

Every single time. Okay, great. I was just like I thought that would make me nervous. Like, I love weed more than life itself. When you were on your Instagram story being like, I have to stop, that is so me.

Right? That is so me. Like, no, no, no. I didn't even understand. Yesterday I got off a very long flight. Uh-huh. It actually wasn't a very long fight. It was just New York to L.A., but it was like, it felt long.

You know what I mean? Like when they feel long? Yes. I get back. I touch down. I'm in L.A. I drive home in rush hour, like, not good. Um, and I get home and I'm like so exhausted.

Still, I rise. I dragged myself by foot. To the dispensary? With my foot that hurt. Oh. To the dispensary. Like, hanging out with all the talent, like, looking around, like, trying, like, hard to get weed.

I finally did. Got home, smoked it, watched Real House of Salt Lake City. I had the best time in my life. And Survivor. Do you watch Survivor? Period. Wait. No, I don't.

What? I don't. But it's funny that you mentioned that because yesterday I was doing something and I was like, I feel like I should watch Survivor. I'm dead ass, not even kidding. You should. So I'm starting with Heroes vs. villains.

Okay. Can I? Can I make a suggestion? Yeah, please. So don't start with Heroes vs. Films, just because Heroes versus Villains is an all-star season. So what I feel you must do is I have a literally like a syllabus that you should do. Will you send it to me?

This is what it is. Season 7. Okay. That's Pearl Islands. Okay. Which is the one Mike White is on? That's much later. Okay.

So Mike White was amazing on Survivor. Let me not Bogart. What's a Bogart? Bogart means like when you are holding something. for too long like you're bo-gardeing. Oh, you're for fashion. I try.

You succeed. Thank you. You don't need to think of me. Can I ask you a question? Like, so you get really popular, really fast. Oh my goodness. Thank you so much. But that's a lot to adjust to when all of a sudden,

like, you're someone with a big mouth who's gotten trouble with for it before, and then you have a big platform suddenly. Right. And people respond to the authenticity. Right. So that's hard. And I'm telling you, mine was over a long period of time, but I wonder about your experience as someone that that happened to very quickly.

Okay, so it happened over the course of like a week, basically. But like I think I behaved like I was had a platform like before then. Like I thought I did. Like you remember Louise. Like I thought I was an A-List celebrity. And I had like 20,000 followers. But then like when it happened over the course of a week, like, yeah, I guess it was. But no one really came.

cared. Like I wasn't really, and I would say it really popped off when Therapus started. Yeah. So when Therapest started, that's when it became more zeitgeisty. And that's when I was like, oh, maybe I should be a little more careful of the things that I said. Yeah, I guess it's like, it's two different things. It's like, oh, all of a sudden people care. And then, oh, all of a sudden, that thing that made me like successful and that thing that's like really working for me is a little bit biting me in the ass. Like that's what they say about Las Culturistas. Like our holy fuck, you've been doing Las Culturalistas. Rista since 2016, right? Nine years. See, bitch, I might not know that you were in Fire Island, but I did know the year you started Las Coleristas. Can I tell you something? I don't care that you didn't know about Fire Island.

Look, I've never seen it. But like, yeah. Have you actually never seen it? No, I've never seen it. I'll watch it. I'll watch it. I'll watch it. But the reason I brought up Fire Island is because I feel like that's a pinnacle of gay culture

and I'm so not involved in gay culture. You have no idea. And I want to be. But I'm just not. Can I tell you something? That's another thing I identified with you saying. Okay. Because I think it's sometimes is like perception is also not reality.

You know what I mean? Just because someone, like, seems like, they have a lot of gay friends or, like, seems comfortable and all that stuff, doesn't mean that, like, you're popping off in fucking Fire Island. Like, I go to Fire Island and I'm, like, I don't know, bitch. Like, I simultaneously feel, like, too old for it and not cool for, and not cool enough for it. And, like, also, like, too, like, I should be enjoying it more, et cetera.

It's, like, so many different emotions at once. Right. That come with, like, gay vacation and gay destination and gay party. Right. First of all, even if people seem like they're having the time of their lives, they're also still feeling this way. You know what I mean? That's why I think when you watch Fire Island, and again,

I'm not like doing an ad for the movie. It's been years. But that's one thing I think it actually gets kind of right is there's a universal feeling of like summer campiness to it, which comes with the positives and the negatives. Because it's like, yes, there's a feeling of community and a feeling of adventure, but there's also the feeling of like anxiety and feeling really isolated and also comparison. Comparison is the worst. I compare myself to everyone and everything.

Sure, you're human. It's like I see someone with its shiny toy, I want that give it to me. Why don't I have that? Why wasn't an offer to me? Why didn't I have the toy first? Yeah. Why wasn't the toy, like, why would the toy go to them first? Why, like, why do I have to ask for the toy?

Right. So can I ask you a question? Yeah. This is going to sound weird, but I feel like you'll get it. Would you rather, if invited tomorrow, go to the Golden Globes, or go to Fire Island? Am I nominated? No.

You are going as a nominees plus one. Higher Island. You'd rather go to Fire Island. Absolutely. Okay. For the underwear party. What underwear party? There's an underwear party at final.

I'm just trying to make a comparison between situations that like could drive you nuts in terms of like, you know what I mean? What would you rather do a plus one? I don't know anymore. Really? Like the industry of it all like does scare me sometimes because people. You want to know why? Because it used to mean so much to me when I was little Because I remember being the same way

Like I remember when I was little I watched the Oscars And like you see everyone in their like gorgeous dresses And like they win they go off stage And then you actually go and it sucks. And it's kind of crazy and sad how different it is from that It's really disappointing When I did the I think I have a bugger Do I have a B?

It doesn't look like you have a Boker Okay, I feel I you know what And I've been thinking about that for the past two minutes And I was like oh my God How am I going to handle this? like how am I going to get it out? But as long as you guys don't see it at all. See, like I'm just being open and honest.

100%. And can I say? Yeah. This is how actually how Piscius Scorpio we are and big bro little bro. Because I actually knew you were preoccupied for the last two seconds. And I thought, is it something with his nose? It was. It was.

So, okay. For now, I'll just say whatever I'm thinking. You're literally killing it. I'm killing it. Do you do this? No. I think I do it because it's funny. I do like, I don't think I make hand gestures.

You don't? I do that sometimes. You come on. You love it. That's the thing about it is it's like, it's too good. People are never going to stop doing. They're not going to stop throwing up the juice. I do tense up. I do love that.

Okay, should we get into the tell me what's wrongs? Yeah. Okay. But this has been, I'm like dying. I adore you. I adore you. I think this might be one of my favorite episodes ever. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. This is like a real... And thank God you said that there was marijuana allowed because... Oh my God. Are you kidding? This is like why I like it though. Like honestly like my favorite thing to do when I first discovered weed was like actually just jam out with one person. Yes.

And like actually get into it. Yes. And then I remembered like years later it become it honestly nowadays has marijuana has now become for me like exclusively a thing to fucking calm myself down. So it's interesting you say that because I get very calm down. Like when I smoke a joint, I get very calm down. Yeah. And then like shortly thereafter, I'm like very, very anxious and very paranoid. Gotcha.

So I've actually had to like slow down a bit because, well, just until I put this comedy album out. Because if I smoke and I listen to it, I don't want to put it out anymore. Literally last night. Uh-huh. Okay. I'm so happy. said that because now in my show in my tour for the Christmas thing and I put

it an album out last year and I've been doing the Christmas show for years but I have some new songs that I'm adding and last night I got a little too high and a thought crept in my head like don't do it a little thought was like they're embarrassing. They're not as funny as the rest of the thing and also like you look stupid

doing it and I was just like no you know what I know this is the marijuana because it has become another release I'm in. I've allowed it to become a thing that I rely on. And I'm like, no, because now it's giving me an intrusive thought. And I don't want that.

So it's officially, at least today, not a good relationship. It's not. Now it is. Well, now it is. This reminds me of what I liked about it. Right. It's been bad for me lately. I'm going to be honest.

Because of anxiety? Yeah. Like, it really has been really rough for me. Because I smoked when I was on tour, I would smoke before. we're going on stage and every single day it like gave me stamina almost. But if my thing with marijuana is it has to be the perfect storm.

So if I'm getting the energy I need while I'm high, it's like, uh, uh, uh, like you know, I could keep going up. Yeah. But if you don't match my energy instantly, it's, it's,

it's weird. It's bad. Like I got high on a show once and it wasn't like perfect. And I was like, oh, so, someone here? A ghost? No, but there was the sound of a ghost. You heard that, right?

No, for sure I heard the ghost. Tell me what's wrong. Yeah, let's do it. No, but like you were in the middle of a goddamn thought. Honestly, though, perfect. Like, what? It was, yes, no, I can but to get it. Sometimes there is literally just getting too high.

And that's the thing about weed is it's like, just because you, like, really smoke a lot, doesn't mean that you don't get too high a lot. Like, it happens. And it's also like I need to protect my piece with which shows I watch while I'm high because, like, I'm pretty sure I tried to watch slow horses when I was high the other day. Girl. And it just, like, wasn't it.

It's got to be funny or the housewives. Dude, I watched industry the other day while I was high. No, you could, you could understand it? No, but I don't understand it. That's not the point. Like, that's not the point of industry me. The point of industry is like... That's so true.

Yeah. The point of industry is like, what is yes up to? Yeah, 100%. Like, wait, the girl's on that show? Cuts. Do you finish season three? Not yet. I'm going to watch Fire Island tonight with my girls.

Actually? Actually, you know what? Maybe I'm going to watch it alone. I think it's an experience I need to take alone. You can definitely be high for that. But I think, like, in terms of, like, gay culture and stuff, like, I'm going to want to take that journey alone. Really?

Maybe. Maybe I'll watch it with my girls. I mean, the last time I did that, it was, you know what? I'm going to watch it with my girls. Because I watched call me. Watch it with your girls. Because I watched Call Me By Your Name Alone and it ruined my life. You know what?

Oh, call me by your name was stuff. I was like, I want that. Well, it doesn't. and well. But you want that emotional, I 100% know what you're saying. I want that. I want to cry in front of the fireplace.

I want to feel like that. I do too. Oh my God. Holy fuck. The first thought I had at the beginning of this episode, I'm just now coming back to. Remember how you said you cried this morning? Yeah.

I haven't cried since 2019. Are you one antidepressants? Yes, but only since 2020. Oh. But I only cried once a year before then. You know, Wow. What do you think that is?

Is that OCD? Is that you managing your emotions? I don't know. I just, every time I'm like, every, I thought I was going to cry the other day and I was like, let's go, let's go, let's go. I thought you cried a lot. Well, I tear up and I'm like really emotional. And then they don't come out? Like, I get one.

I cried. Like, I'll tear up. And I'll feel like a little, like, you know, right there. No, I let it go. But I have it like bald since 2019. Okay. Well. Like I think, but I think you're an horse ending.

I am my own worst enemy, dead ass. I really am. Yeah. I think we all are. And I also think, like, once you cut out the internet thing, I slay. You slay. But the internet is how...

The internet's how I slay. They're always like, delete Instagram, and I'm like, how am I going to get anyone to see anything I'm doing? Are you kidding? How am I supposed to do anything? But that is also why I'm really trying hard to book it. acting jobs. I just booked my first.

Yes, and what? Fuck yes. Yeah. Yeah, I'm very excited. I'll bleep it, but... They're gonna read your lips. Well, no, he'll put a... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, good, good, good for you.

And I, and you know what? She comes with me to every single thing I do, and they're like, this is a close set. Like, you can't have your babysitter with you. Like, get the fuck out. No, no, no, no, no, it's okay. And... Because your energy is like, you want her around. No, all the time, but I looked at Louise.

And anyone who's anyone on set should know that. No, but I said to her, I said, go home. Go home, I got this. And I fucking got it. Yes. And I did it. And I did it alone. I'm proud of you.

Now, you know what? This is the thing. Just keep booking acting work to become an actor. That's what I want to do. Oh my God, this is the best episode ever. Work. You know why I love that. Content McGee.

Content McGee. Were you calling that me? Both of us. Because someone once called him, Robin. My friend Robin called him Egg Salad McGee. Now, were you eating egg salad at the time? No, I just am a supporter of egg salad. I am the same way I don't understand these people.

Do you like hard-boiled eggs? No. Like, if you eat one in front of me, die. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, and... Like, I'm like, so because you don't cry, how do you express emotion? If you eat in hard-boiled out in front of me, die! No, because they are so disturbing.

They're disturbing. They stink up the whole room. They smell. taste and are awful. You know when they're cold, too, and in a salad? I don't want to talk about this anymore. Get it out.

I don't want to talk about this anymore. My ex-boyfriend didn't pay rent for about a year because he was in between jobs DJing. No, no. No. But I guess keep going. And I had to cover for him. He's really sweet,

but it is maybe time for me to move on or encourage and stick with him till the end. We haven't heard anything about how the dick is. I have no idea how to gauge this question. It sounds like, It's fine. It sounds like the dick is fine because she would be like, girl, the dick is so good. I mean, she said he's sweet.

Yeah, I think she's going to feel like a bad person if she leaves him or deep down. She's like, what if he does become successful and then I leave him? Honestly, dump him, prescription, immediate fun fuck boy. Immediate fun fuck boy. Or prescription, what's a show where there's a really unsuccessful DJ? What about Abbott Elementary, where Quinta dumps the boyfriend who's, like, trying to pursue music? Abbott Elementary in general, it's a great pick-me-up. Right.

But do you know what I mean? Doesn't her boyfriend, he's pursuing music and she dumps him? Yeah, also, this is a little bit the other two-ish, too, when he has that, like, what is it? Like, is a sneaker company? Who? Carrie? No, not Carrie. Brooks boyfriend Lance.

No, but we love Lance. Oh, yeah, don't watch that. We love Lance. Because then you'll stay with the DJ forever. Because Lance is the good guy. I remember she, do you remember she tries to make in the back? I remember Lance. So watch Abbott.

Abbott Elementary and I would look for someone else, honey. Do you ever believe in fate? Yeah. All the time. You ask me, do I believe in fate? Bitch, I'm so crazy. My boyfriend hates hard-boiled eggs so much. Was there a ghost earlier?

That's what I'm saying. And I don't read these. I believe that you don't. Who does? Egg salad McGee. Something about that guy. I, yeah, egg salad's despicable, but I do love an egg fried rice. Oh, girl.

Nothing wrong with eggs. Just don't have that hard boiled around it. You know what I'm saying. You know, they chip it away. I don't like talk about this anymore. My boyfriend hates hard boiled eggs so much that he practically refused to kiss me goodbye, as he should. When there was one in the wrap I had for dinner. Completely understandable.

I agree with him, honey. That's disgusting. I would never ever, if you ate eggs out, I would not even exiled, a hardboiled egg, don't come fucking near me. Yeah, prescription toothpaste, prescription gum. Prescription, whole other food. Whole other food. Stop eating it. Prescription, yeah, honestly, allergy to hard boiled egg.

That's what I hope you get. But do you ever have like a weird, like, shit I jest? Can I tell you what I sometimes do eat? What? Della legs. Okay. Because you get that mustard in there, period. And no, X-Sallad McGee is lit.

You're horny as hell over there, raging rock. It's giving, it's giving anchovies in my Caesar salad. I, can I tell you something about anchovies? Bitch, I'll be saying extra. And my God, there is a place. I won't eat a Caesar without him. To say nothing of Greek salad. Oh.

Put them in Greek salad. You will love it You will You have a fantastic, beautiful Show-stopping voice Well, can I tell you something? I did release that whole ass album And it is music

And singing is what I like to do the best But it's very vulnerable And they'll get you. Okay It's hard. But you are very, you should sing. I thank you for saying that Because I do.

Okay. So if I was out here sounding really bad That would kill my ass. You're listening to Defying Gravity? Can you remind me like what ends up happening in part two, the second act? Okay, spoiler alert for people that are, but it's a full-ass show. So basically it's like, not me giving the synopsis. Like what happens is like...

What's her name? NASA. Nessa Rose becomes evil. Nessa Rose basically becomes like, she's the wicked witch of the east. So then she, like, something happens where Elfaba is able to make her walk. So she starts walking and she says to Bach, the, um, Ethan Slater, like, she says to him, like, we can be together now. Like, I can, I can walk and, and he goes, no, you can walk so you don't need me anymore.

Because he's been like her servant. So she kind of goes crazy and like, Blamed Alfie. Does a spell that like starts to kill him. The Wicked Witch of the West saves him by turning him into the Tin Man. So then the Tin Man is Bach. That's his ardent story. Meanwhile, Fierro has left Glinda, who he's.

now engaged to for Alphabah because like it's like crazy. She's like seen as a terrorist in their eyes. Right. And he goes and joins her, dumps Glinda. And so Glinda's like, fuck you bitch. She's like, fuck you bitch. Shit goes down.

Dorothy comes. Like, they, Glinda. Dorothy comes in Wicked? Yeah. She comes at the end of Wicked. Go. No, you're about to turn up. No, I forgot because I saw it in third grade.

I'm not even saying anymore. And for good. I have been changed. For good. I mean, that little riff, she goes, And I don't know if I, but, uh, uh, uh, Like, you know, it eats. Oh, do I love!

Wait, you're a swifty. Yes. You know, I'm not gonna say how many times I saw her. No, don't, because I've only seen her. Blur this out like it's his acting credit. Oh, I've seen her four. I did it three nights in a row once. You did in L.A.?

The Olivia Rodrigo concert was crazy loud. Anyone who ever doubts Olivia Rodriguez, go to Guts life. First of all, don't tell it to Lerner. Have you ever seen a room of people saying traitor? Wait. If Guts isn't, not gut, wait, is sour isn't the modern day jagged little pill? I literally just remembered another thing I'm pissed about. What?

I'm seeing Sabrina Carpenter in a matter of days. What day? I think Monday. Me too. Fucking hell. Yes. Where are you going to be? Do you get a seat because I go on the floor?

I think I'm going to be on the floor. It depends what seat. You have to hang out with me and my friend Jared. Wait, I will. And this is why I'm pissed. I bought merch to wear. It's in my apartment in New York. You can't have like Bowen send it back for you?

Hey, Bowen. I know you're at Saturday Night Live. It's musical guest and host Charlie XX. So probably going to be a light show for you, Bowen Yang. I'm sure they're not going to utilize the gay guy in this one. Hop over to my apartment. You know, just tell the guy who you are.

Can't bother him with that. Not during Charlie. You know what? That's super valid. I bought the. the crop top jersey. And I was like, my stomach is in a place

because I've been working so fucking hard that I actually could wear it. You have? Arms are giving. Thank you for that. And I was like, I was gonna say it at the very beginning because it was like one of the first things

I noticed straight up. I was like, oh my God. Like, because when we were talking about retail therapy, I was looking at the shirt. You want to know why that's a good shirt? Because I feel like, this is, There's veins.

Thank you. But the reason you noticed them, I believe, is because a ringer situation is always good. Give yourself something that gives you an arm. Be mindful when we buy our shirts. Mine is kind of like, my arm like waves back at me. We're not there yet. Like, I don't know why. Yeah, but you keep pumping those 45s.

I know. It's going to be quick, really? Yes. It's going to be quick because people don't realize, And I used to, because all throughout my 20s, I never liked my body at all. In fact, I didn't go to, I didn't go to Fire Island. I hate my body. I've been there.

And that's why I wouldn't go to fire. And that's why I wouldn't go to these gay things because I hate my body so much. And it's such a naked, driven culture. I literally, 100%. It's very hard. At a certain point, two things happen. One, you just get to a place where you feel like you've changed a thing where it's like you lift a little bit more or you eat something a little bit less so that you,

You see a noticeable difference and you're okay with it. That's one thing is you actually work to make a change or two, you just get older and stop giving a fuck. Okay. Because another thing I always have to tell myself is literally, literally, nobody cares as much or at all what you actually are picking on about yourself except you. Right.

Literally. Think about any guy you've ever hooked up with. Are you picking apart their bodies? No, you're just like trying to fuck. Right. People are attracted to you, they just are. And if they're not, literally whatever, they're not looking at you being like... I'm picking at this part.

Like, ew. Yeah. And if they were, I don't fucking know them. And also, I wouldn't want to. Right. Wait, that was incredible. That's honestly something I learned. And then all of a sudden I was just like, you know what?

This combined with a little bit more self-esteem because I'm not eating fucking McDonald's every day in my 20s in New York. God, I love McDonald's though. Me too, bitch. What's your favorite? Do you remember the suede meal? Number two large with a Coke. No, number two large with the Dr. Pepper.

Okay, what's number two large? Two cheeseburgers. Fuck, I want McDonald's right now. I'm not even kidding you. The unfortunate truth. I wanted to stay back. I ordered it last night. Did you mean?

That's the unfortunate truth. What'd you got? You know what I said to myself? What? No, I'm not really doing it because it's nuggets. Wait, like. That doesn't make any sense. That was, no, that was like biblical.

Girl. That was biblical. It doesn't really make... It doesn't really count because it's nuggets. It... Yeah, me and Louise once had the worst McDonald's ever. Where? In France.

Well... But then they're supposed to be good McDonald's. That's Boen-Yang's favorite thing, by the way. One of my favorite things about him is that his passion is going to international McDonald's. And by the way, like, they sometimes do give. Like, they will give, like, a parfait. Yes. Or like you go to the one, you go to the McDonald's in like Quebec and Montreal.

And they turn up. They have snack wraps. They do. They do. I fuck with a snap. I can't believe I ordered me thought is last night. Wait. 10p.

Spicy nog. Don't get me started on the spicy nugs. Like those are my. That's what I had in France. But what did we have that was so bad? Yeah. It wasn't giving. what a snack wrap should give.

Well, I mean, that's the thing is it's like cheeseburgers. Well, the cheeseburgers are better at Burger King. Dude, chicken fries, don't talk to me. No, don't talk to me. No, no, 10 piece. Nine piece. Is it nine piece? Nine piece.

Burger King? Fucking slap. No. The burgers are fucking. Is that the Whopper? Mm-hmm. Yeah, the burgers at burger. Personally, like, it's up to par.

Like, I could go either way. Do you know what else I just discovered? And this is bad. Jack in the box. Del Taco. I don't want to talk about Del Taco. I don't know if I love Del Taco. What?

I hate Taco Bell. Okay. You're being disrespectful. No. I'm not. You are. You're being culturally insensitive. Like, I just...

Not to any actual culture, to the culture of Taco Bell. Look, I would like a Baja Blast, but like... Like, that's the one thing I could do from there. I hate... I just don't like it. I don't like the meat from there. Okay. I'm still really young, like, in that regard.

Yeah. Like, you have years on me when it comes to Del Taco and Taco Bell, I guess. Well, Taco Bell I've known since I was... Girl, I'm from the culture of Kentaco Hut. What the fuck is Cont Taco Hut? Let me explain. It's a Kentucky fried chicken, a Taco Bell, and a Pizza Hut in one big room. Okay, I hate KFC.

Or do you like Popeyes? Yes. Okay. I love Have what about I know this isn't fast foods Friendlies Girl

I'm gonna start crying And I don't cry Do you remember ground round Okay never mind Friendlies put me on the map How do you mean? Like is that what you started Like no

Is that where you started out? Friendlies is like my first memory of joy Like yeah What would they have? They have these like A gorgeous family restaurant And it was half dinner half dessert.

Yes. And what were the, what were the, there was like this M&M milkshake smoothie. Yeah, there sure was like a, like a, like a McFlurry,

but not. Yes, it was like a, it wasn't like a friendly. A frozen friendly? No, it was a friendly maybe. And then they have these like blue drinks.

Yeah. They have these like blue candy drinks. Yeah. And the fries and the, and the tenders. 100%. So wait, you love,

you're like a fast food type of girl. Yeah. You ever go to Epcot and pop off. What's? Epcot. Epcot is the park in Disney World, which is like the different countries. Never.

I've never been to Disney World. You gotta go there and just have appetizers, bitch. No, I know. I've never been to Disney World. And I've also never been to some fast food staples or like fast casual or just like chain restaurants. And what I mean by that is I've never been to Chili's.

Oh, you got to go to Chili's. I've never been to. Fridays. Never been to TJ Fridays. Never been. Girl, even with that one at Union Square. Yep, never. Never.

Never been to. Never been to. What's it? Red Lobster. You know, Nikki Minaj worked in the one in Times Square. How could I forget? So then why haven't you been? I don't know. I've never been to...

You'll have to go at least see history. I've never been to Golden Corral. Whatever. You're never seeing anything with that. Thank you. Never been to Sonic. Oh, yeah, that's just a lack of fun in your life. Never been to Dairy Queen.

I've only been once. It sounds awesome. It's very Midwestern. Okay. I went with my ex-boyfriend and his parents. We sat in the Dairy Queen and just ate ice cream with a I think Eminem's in it. How was that?

Fine. You know I've never had a boyfriend. What? Let's okay. Is it, though? Yes. When did you get your first boyfriend? My first boyfriend I got when I was 25.

Yeah. This episode has healed me. You are so like, this is so patronizing. You're so young. Okay, that makes me feel better. I felt old lately. Jake, no.

You're so young. And honestly, I say that as someone who's like, you know, know, 34 and realizes, I'm like, what, nine years older than you? Something like that. Yeah, nine. So I feel like I'm just now getting to the point where I think I should be saying, like, oh, I'm getting old, but I'm not even saying it.

Like, because I still feel young nine years after where you're at. So just- You are young. You give young. All you have to do is give young. You do give young. I thought you were in your 20s. That's actually so kind.

I wonder what it is. I farted in front of my hair client today. It was so awkward. I choked and pretended like it didn't happen. How do you and your bestie guest mask your embarrassment? Um, how do I mask my embarrassment? I own it. I actually do too, but I'm trying to put myself in that situation.

I think honestly, the best thing to do if you fucking farted and trying to like your hair client and then you tried to choke and cough to cover it up is to just call out the whole thing. Yes, yes. Like prescription truth serum girl. I hate me. What are you going through? Wait, can I say something? I was thinking how much I hate this.

I hate this. Throw it, please. Oh my God. This is so much better. What the fuck? Wait, can I say, and this is like not your brand, it's my brand? I don't think so honey, this. Whatever that is.

Okay, so when I don't think so honey, I've always wanted to do one, but I always feel like given the. chance I would flop. Do you give your guests preparation? Like they, like, we would know. We tell them like, if you're coming on the show or you want to come on the show, you probably know one of two things. Like you have to do and I don't think so.

You do it I don't think so, honey. And like you should have ready, like when you come on, which should be soon. That would be my dream. Well, that's definitely put it on the schedule like in the new year. Louise? Well, no, that will be so fun. Bone will die for you. Wait, I, that's my dream.

so we'll do it um but you'll come on and you'll know like you have to come with like the culture that made you say culture was for you and then you come with it i don't think so honey and usually people have one thing that they know they can fucking pop off about that like you will slay that's the kind of the thing about i don't think so many is it's kind of impossible to really fail unless you're like saying something fucking insane or problematic or out of touch have you ever had that i've had a couple that i haven't liked i guess have done yeah what was the best i don't think so honey of all time. Definitely.

Marias. Marias was incredible. And it was so on brand for her. Yeah. But I think the best, I don't think so honey of all time, there's a couple that come to mind. Tina Faye came and did one.

That's my favorite, quiet luxury. Yeah, authenticity is dangerous and expensive. This line that she said about, I don't think so honey, Bowen Yang saying his real opinions about movies because this is what I was saying earlier about the podcast. It's like, yeah, we used to fucking pop off.

Whenever I try to get close to, a guy as friends, it feels like they're always looking for something more. Should I still spend time with my guy friends who give signs that they have feelings for me or just avoid it so I don't hurt them? I wish I had that problem, honestly. No, you should keep hanging out with people. Honestly, if I feel like if they have the problem, then they have the problem. What are you going to do, not spend time with people that you like love being around? If they can't handle it, they should be the one to tell you.

I door dashed loop before a guy came over and accidentally didn't owe my mom's door dash. So I have a worse story. go ahead i once charged grinder to my dad's card and he texted me and emailed me the receipt for grinder premium and said he knew you were getting top dollar yeah he said i don't have any probably see this one i'm saying about them being accepted like they always preface it they're like wait i have no problem with what you're doing just not on my card but it was embarrassing i listen to hear listen to you talk about like oh my parents were so accepting at like like 10, right?

That's why I came out. And that born this way was coming out. And I'm like, oh, so, like, that is the difference, like, between those generations is it's like, for me, it's like, I would not have been safe coming out at 10. Like, it would have been a very hostile environment for me. And that's to say nothing about my parents. They were great. Ultimately, they were very accepting.

But, like, when I was that age, like, there was no one, like, on TV that was gay except like Will and Grace. That was like it and like kind of Ellen. Or was it Marco on Degrassi? We didn't even have Degrassi like where I, like it wasn't part of the conversation. If it was like I vaguely know about it. Like I remember when Neil Patrick Harris came out as gay. It was huge.

Yeah, it was. It was like cover of People magazine. Huge, huge news. And like not to say like anything like it was easier, but just to like notice like how much the world can change. No, I mean, I remember at school it still wasn't like normal. and like I only came out to my parents and then I came out when I was 16 at school. Ah.

So, yes. So, but it was to my parents. Like, I just, like, my parents were great. Yeah.

I was very lucky. And I think that's why I was like, like, like, I was like, okay, like I have a home to go back to, which I understand a lot of people

don't have that luxury. It's just funny because now, I think about like, queer kids are like, ready to go locked and loaded at four. It's, they're gay as fucking have an attitude in things they want you to know about their identity. I like four.

It's, when I hear about how middle school and high school is, I am so jealous. I didn't have that experience. Well, you know, it's funny. Like,

yes, it's great that like, you know, we can have, like, kids going to prom together or whatever. I will say there was something hot about the repression. Yes.

There was something really hot about, like, secret. No one, I remember, like, after I graduated, I went back.

for some Christmas break, and this one guy, his name was Shane, um, was also out and he was really attractive guy. And like, we ended up, like, making out hard outside of like,

my hometown bar. And it was sort of like, Tis the damn season. It was tis the damn season. It was so, by the way, that song is everything. That song is my top three.

I want to be loved so badly. I've, I'm not. The way you read it too. I want to be loved so badly. I've never really known if a guy is interested in me or not. I've only had my first kiss and I feel like I'm behind. I also feel like I'm behind.

It's okay. It's okay. It's literally not a race. It's not a race. And also like watch. Like sometimes I look back because I felt extremely behind until I was in my like, honestly like 27-ish. That's really good to hear because I feel very behind. Oh God.

But then, trust me, there will come a threshold moment where you cross over and you'll make up for it. Okay. You'll make up for it. Okay. I see what. I'm picking up what you're putting up. Prescription. Time.

Okay. Time. Give it time. And yeah. You will have moments you question yourself in other ways. You're like, wow, I'm a big whore. Okay. I want to feel that way.

You will. Okay. Two questions. Before we get into the time, what did we learn today? Okay. Just because I'm curious, what are you watching right now and what do you live? listening to right now. I'm listening to, that's a really, what am I listening to? You know, I do tend to be that person that repeats a lot for a long time. Like, do you know what I listen to in the car in the way

over here like it was the first time? Espresso. And you were like jamming? Wildly so. Yeah. And I listen to Juno. Oh, Juno. I mean, I, like, I listen to Short and Sweet a lot. Short and Sweet is amazing. What's your album of the year out of the Grammy nominees? It's not in the Grammy nominees. What is it? Eternal Sunshine. Which I've also been listening to a lot because she was just on. That is the album.

Yeah, it's so good. For me, Louise is not here. That's our album. Yeah. That album for me. That was my album of the year. It's my song of the year. It's my record of the year.

We can't be friends. And it's my album with the year. That is an album I will listen to again and again and again. Like, it is the first time every single time. They did her dirty in the general field. I was super happy with the nominations. she did get, but they did her pretty, they did, we can't be friends especially during the song of the year.

We can't be friends. Eternal Sunshine. I was, okay, the competition was fucking hard. Fierce. I think Brat should win. Undoubtedly. I mean, come on. Yeah.

It was the album. It was the album of the year. It impacted fashion, culture, politics. Politics. Yeah. Like, she's going to be in films now. Like, it changed her career, like, and was, which was already big. Brat showed you that dance music can be vulnerable, and I think that was really

beautiful. and she crushed. She crushed. She absolutely crushed. She's true artist. In my opinion, I'm like putting my money and hoping for brat. Yeah. But Eternal Sunshine, I would have liked to see in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have liked to see it in there. Like, it sucked. This is what I think should happen. Eternal Sunshine should win pop vocal album because it is nominated there. It has to now. For me, here's what it is. Best New Artist, Chaperone.

Of course. Record of the year, espresso. Song of the Year, Words of a Feather. Yeah. album of the year brat Okay, but Good luck, babe, also could be song of the year But song of the year is based on writing, right?

The songwriting. I prefer Fortnite. I love Fortnite. Fortnite's one of my top songs of the year. I just listened to it again last year, last year, last night, and I was like, wait, hold on, because the definition of a grower too because the first time I heard it, I was like, okay.

Her pen is so fucking lethal, bitch. Like, what did she say the other day in the car? listen to that line and I was like, damn. Like everything. It always happens. Everything she says, like, it must have been in Tiss the damn season. Oh, it's, it's, and I won't ask you, I won't ask you to say, what is it? I won't ask you to say if you don't ask me to wait.

Yeah. Or something. Wait. I won't ask you to wait. If you don't ask me to stay. Yes. I won't ask you. And how, that's just, that's the song.

That's the song in a sentence. She is not going to ask her lover to wait around for her as long as long as. is he doesn't ask her to stay for him. That's very similar to, oh, God. The lyric that's in a song about, oh, from treacherous. Treacherous. It's, um, follow you, follow you home. Nothing safe is worth the drive.

Nothing safe is worth the drive. So I will follow you, follow you home. Right. Right. Ugh. But. Or she's, when she's like, we're slipping so much, it's friction. Yeah.

Oh, no, treacherous is. And I want to tell you. Taylor Swift is. There was a moment. There was two moments in my life where I felt truly, three. Adele Dazim was the first one. I felt truly euphoric. I felt what it truly meant to feel alive.

Right. The other two moments were these. Actually, it was three. It was when Taylor Swift at the New Jersey show played clean as a surprise song for the second time. I left my body, immediately broke down into Bowen's arms and sobbed. Really? And then. Surprise song.

I think it was L.A. Dress. Death by a thousand cuts. Fuck you. I didn't get that. Death by a thousand cuts. And I went to Amsterdam. Guilty as sin.

Fuck. You love guilty as sin. I'll tell you mine. Guilty as sin is. I mean, but mine off that album is but that. He sent me down to lie. It's so good. middle of what?

But Daddy, I love him though. Oh, period. Don't fucking play with me. No, Daddy. Don't fucking play with me in that fucking song. Have you blasted that song in the car? Jake. I'm just wondering.

Yes. Can I give you my Taylor moments that changed me? Yeah. First. First. Oh, okay, so she gave us dress as a surprise song. I love dress. And she said, and dress was never my favorite, but she said something like, what is it?

say my name and everything just stopped the entire stadium yep silent silence no one had to tell them nope why would you have silence we're not amateurs here and i looked around and i was like oh wow and then it's so satisfying when it comes back i don't buy all i got my best friend yes that was the first time that taylor fucked on a track it was well that will always stand the test of time for me because She said, when she said, say my name and everything just stops and sucked all the sound out, that was her. Like, I could see what she was implying. Yes. About how fucking horny she was.

Only about the dress so you could take it off. Like, that's kind. The amount of times I've replaced the word dress with the word suit in my own mind for myself, like I'm a slut walking on the street. I love that, though. That's what Taylor Swift is all about. Yes, embodying. She, okay. She's an avatar for us.

In Downbat. Have you ever analyzed Down Bad? I was love bombed so badly. Tortured Poets is about my life. She's comparing it to an alien. Because she's like, and how beautiful she's like, this happened to me, but no one's believing me isn't even real. I'm convincing myself that it wasn't real now.

Yeah, Down Bad is great pop-off. You can't play with her pen. No, you can't. You can't play with her pen. To say nothing of also on that album, like, oh, this song gives me everything and people don't always respect.

I look in people's windows. Oh, I love that song. I look in people's windows. I do that. Emotionally same. Yes. I also love Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus. It's good.

And I love... The Albatross is so good. Wait. Goes so hard. The Black Dog. Oh. No. Black Dog.

Top tier. Top tier. Top tier. Like that. Because also referencing the starting line was so my culture. She really came out as an unrepentant millennial in that moment. And she's like an unapologetic millennial. She's the millennial. What about the in Mastermind?

Don't talk to me. I'll never forget. Midnight's is about my life too. Midnight's is one of my favorite albums of all time. I will never forget, hearing for the first time, no one wanted to play with me as a little kid. So I've been scheming like a criminal evidence. To make them love me and make it seem effortless.

When it's not. I'm the wind in your free-flowing sales. I have full-body chills. I am, you think your saleship is free-flowing? No, I'm the wind pushing it. When people say anything negative about midnight, I'm like, oh, it's just not about your life. So go somewhere else.

The people whose life this is about Are actually hanging out right now. Dude, fucking... We're hanging out right now. We're smoking weed together right now listening to Lavender Hayes. You're not. So go somewhere else.

I love... And Maroon. Don't play with me. Anti-hero? No. Not Lavender Hayes into Maroon, into Antiharo, into Snow on the beach. Only flaw with the album that the Lana version wasn't the original version.

Yeah, that's what I was about to say. That is a Lana song. That's a Lana song. Lana makes it so much better and it's already great. Snow on the beach snuck up on me. Like months after the album was out, I was like, wait, hold on. Where was your losing me on the original?

Because that's a good question. That fucking song. Oh yeah. I was in Singapore when that song dropped. Yeah. And I had to listen to it on a file. And I walked around. A Singapore mall for hours listening to that song repeat.

Yeah. A path. You know, I just. She just bought a hat from her website that says pathological people please her. I didn't know she had that. That's good. You know, I think I might buy your shorts.

We have them for you. Really? Yes. Look at that. We have everything for you. Okay. Instead of asking what you learned today, give me your top three Taylor songs.

I think that's more fun. Do you agree? My top three Taylor? And maybe what we learned today in addition to that. What I learned today is that you're my girl. Wait, you're my girl. I learned that like you see me. I do.

And I always have. And I was excited to come here. But you really see me. Period. Like, I learned that. And I really appreciate it. No, I love you. I hope our relationship continues to foster after that.

It will because you're definitely jamming to Sabrina with us, me and my friend Jared, who you'll love. Okay. Top three. My top three, Taylor. Honestly, this is, it's so hard. You know what? Top three right now. I do have to give it up to.

I have to give it up to the all too well 10 minute version. How could you know? I have to because the thing is like to revisit something that wasn't even a single because of the not just impact like on her fan base, but like cultural impact that song had just from existing on that album. I think it made track five what they are. Are you absolutely? Like I think it did.

It caused people to be like, that's the song that caused people to look back and be like, what like you because like you know when you're in the Swifty fandom like you look at like what's your favorite track nine what's your favorite track six and everyone was like oh wait all the track fives are sad and then it became a thing

I mean she also could have flopped she could have been like we're doing a 10 minute version of this and it could have been way worse it could have been too long like but then she went on SNL and did that don't fucking play with me and that performance

in that body suit in that body suit and she stood her ass up there for 10 fucking And gave it. And what she goes, what she goes, she does this at some point.

I forget how, what part of the song. The most cunty part of the whole performance is, I get older, but your lovers. Stay my age. Don't talk to me.

And then, and then what's your favorite? And also the lighting change in, there we are again in the middle of the night. Dance around the kitchen the refrigerator light. I love refrigerator light.

Wait. Refrigerator light. Refrigerator light is giving grocery store receipt and marjorie. Yes. Marjorie all time. No. So all too well-time interversion

For all these reasons and more. This is where I'm going to out myself As kind of liking one type of song. Wildest dreams. Wildest dreams. That's a crazy top three. To me. You know what?

You know what? This is a no-judge zone. Please. It's just... Okay. Because I feel like I needed to have something on 1989, Wildest Dreams is the one I listen to the most. How about this?

I'll take Wildest Dreams out. that'll get honorable mention is one of my favorites and I'll put in there blank space because blank space is one of the best pop songs ever written. It is the best. It is one of the best. And it's also one of the smartest and like the hook is so crazy.

The choices, the musical choices in it are just wild and so singular to her but feel like everyone like can feel themselves singing it. Blank Space is for all time. Also, you, blank space doesn't matter how old you were. Like you knew that Taylor's, Swift's clock on the general public was ticking in terms of how people viewed her. Yeah. And people were really, that was the height of people really accusing her of dating around.

And blank space came out. And it was so simple to understand what she was doing that even at 14 years old I picked up on it. And I was like, that is cunt. And I want you to know that all that is true and I'm feeling self-conscious as I'm about to say a third single. That's fine. That's fine. I don't want people to, like, think on basic because I'm saying singles.

I think that these songs are just this good. The last song on my list is from my favorite album of hers reputation, and it's delicate. Delicate is that song. Why would you ever feel weird about saying? Because I just didn't want to say three singles. No. Is it cool? I remember the first time I heard it.

Is it cool that I'm thinking about you? Is it cool that you're inside of my head? I just want to make sure that it's okay with you because that's how much I like you. First of all, no better start to any song. Like, then. Daba on that. East Side where you at. Oh, that's Julia.

My best friend in the entire world. That is her favorite song of all time. Of all time. Well, she's right, and she should say it. And when she jumps on that stage in the Eros tour, and it cracks because the relationship is so delicate. Forget it. Forget it.

That's an incredible top three. That's how I feel. Okay, so my top three. Go. Number one, it will never change. No matter how much I enjoy listening to other songs over it. The Archer. Archer is a significant one.

I will never forget. I was waiting for the B or the C train on 1006th Street going home. And the Archer came out and I listened to it. And I remember being like, okay, I fuck with this. And then she said, all of my enemies started out friends. Help me hold on to you. Yep. Help me hold on.

Yep. All of my enemies started out friends. You can only hate someone if you love them. Yeah. And I'll never forget. And I also am so like, am I a good person? Am I a bad person? And so that song really did that for me.

So that was that. The Archer. Number two, right now, you know, daylight. Wow. Daylight really, really came into my life. Not when that album first came out, but the summer. Lover has two of your top three right now. Yeah.

The summer, COVID started to end. The summer, like summer of 2021. This was like the warm up of Brat summer. Like that's when everyone was like starting to get back into it. And I remember listening to Lover. And I remember listening to daylight And I just remember her saying I used to believe love was burning red

But it's gold and it's daylight And I'm like, she really fucking did that That's it. That's the song like It's just great Like daylight's just great to me Yeah Number three

What takes the third spot? So this goes into this interchanges Okay I want to give it I think I'm gonna give it to test the damn season Okay I really think I am Because I get it

I think it might be in my top 10 top 15. There's no other song. I feel temperature-wise, cold air when I hear that song. That's how powerful she is with her pen in that song. Yeah, it's an atmosphere-changing song, for sure. And Evermore is my favorite album of all time. My top three is Reputation Evermore in 1989.

Mine is 1989 Taylor's version because is it over now. Evermore and Lover. And, um... Lover... Lover's a sneaky. Lover grew. Because you know what? Cruel Summer.

That is the Taylor Swift song. It used to be love story. That was cruel summer. And then for a second, shake it off was kind of threatening, but I was like, I don't know. Like, I love shake it off for what it is, but I don't need it to be like so synonymous with her. Right. And it's so wetting that it sometimes threatens to be. But then fucking cruel summer after Arestor.

I think it. You see Taylor Swift, you start hearing that song. You do. Yeah. And my third, yeah, so I said to the M-season, but what I was deciding between was that or call it what you want. Call it what you want I want to wear your initial On a chain around my neck

Not because you own me But because you really know me Which is more that they can say Because they don't know me I also think call it what you want Is the more tame Tamer but daddy I love him That's interesting

I don't listen to what is it These vipers dressed in empath clothing Empath clothing Like when you're You hear Taylor Swift and you hear her spit, like you can't help but make like a stank face. Yeah. Like an anti-hero. What does she say?

Love. Oh. My own devices. They come with prices and vices. I end up in crisis. Taylor's. See, my favorite is, um, covert narcissism. My disguise is altruism like some kind of congressman.

I'm like, I mean, where were you? A lot of people think that writing is, that writing is annoying. I'm like, fuck off. Fuck? All the way off. Like, I think some people are sensitive to when she sounds like she's too clever or or pleased with herself, but I'm like, okay, then you be clever.

Maybe then you be pleased with yourself. You wouldn't have to be here taking out my time. We're hanging out, smoking weed, talking about Taylor. If you're not, go over there now. And say, say, like, why? I never understood why people, it's like people see something

that everyone else is enjoying, and you know what, I'm seeing it with Brat on Twitter right now. Yeah. I'm seeing it with Brat on Twitter right now. Are people being fresh about Brat? Yes. Oh, that's not cool.

It's not cool, but because they see that everyone enjoys something, they're like, let me be contrarian. Yeah. Taylor Swift has proven time and time and time and time again. You can't play that game with her. No. Because she will come back swinging and that swing will hit you in the face. I think it's fine. Like if people are like, I just don't like when people are like talk about her.

Like she's not good. I'm like, you might not like her. She's the best at what she does. It makes me really angry. I had someone once not want to play her because it would, quote, fuck up their Spotify. Huh. They might be right about that. I mean, if they don't like her, if you play her two, three times, all you're getting is Taylor.

But why don't you like her, I said. Why don't you like her? Like, I just don't, I don't know. For me, it's like, it's okay if you don't like her. Just don't try to jam with me about it. Like, I'm never going to be like, you're right. Right. Can you imagine, like, people that are like, well, let me try to talk you out of this thing

that you really like because they like, I don't know, like, like pretend to have better taste than you or something. It's like, give me a break.

My least favorite thing about people is when they're superior. Like when they act better than something. I hate superiority. Right. Well, people have that with Taylor Swift, which is funny because she is the Supreme. Yeah.

Yeah. So she's like, and you know, Tevudu is real. So watch it. Stay mad. Stay mad. Stay mad.

it'll continue. It'll continue. It will continue. The matter you get, the more famous you will become. And we'll just become the cackling, like, like, cackling hags behind Taylor. Like, you fucked around and found out, didn't you? She never left. She didn't.

I mean, oh, God. We would be such a good flotsam and jetsam for her. What's that? It's like a little mermaid, her eels. Got it. That is my cue. I got to go to dinner. Matt, I love you.

I love you back so much. Thank you for coming on. Can you say goodbye to the pussies? Bye, pussies. Wait, hold on. Bye, pussies. This has been so much fun. This is the best.