Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 81: Goodbye Girls!

Episode Date: July 6, 2025

This whole episode is going to be a bleep... Tickets on sale now for LIVE WITH JAKE SHANE at passthatpuss.com! Tell Me What's Wrong at ⁠ passthatpuss.com Follow Me! Instagram | @passthatpuss TikTok | @octopusslover8 Listen to "THERAPUSS" Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1BHDdC0OVuHqZ706FobfOF ⁠⁠Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapuss-with-jake-shane/id1723626781⁠⁠ Amazon Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/93117357-1f23-46e1-8f26-88f5182a68b8/therapuss-with-jake-shane⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@octopusslover8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

50-50 if my zippers up or down anymore. Take my pants off at home. They come off easy. I'm like, I thought was four hours I was walking around. Netflix is a joke presents. Nate Bar Gatsy, Big Dumb Eyes World Tour, a special live taping at Into a Dome. I think it's because I'm peeing so much longer.

I watch young people come and go. I'm like, tell my family I'm okay. Nate Bargatsy, May 9th and 10. Live at Into A Dome. Get tickets at Netflix is a jokefest.com. Happy Sunday Pussies, happy Junday. Surprise. It is an episode with me and my girl.

These are my favorite episodes in the entire world. And Julian Payton are moving. So we thought we had to do this before they left. But yeah, you know, if you are recovering from the weekend, if you're just chilling in your bed on this Sunday, I hope this makes you laugh and you enjoy it because we had so much fun filming it. You can kind of see us get progressively hungry. I'm angry throughout the episode because it was so late.

But it's really, it's a good one. And I'm so happy that I have my friends that can do this with me. It's so cool. And I'm so happy that you guys love it too. To see if I'm coming to a city near you, go to Pass That Pust.com and click live with Jake Shane. And to submit it, tell me what's wrong. Go to Pass That Pust.com and click Tell Me What's Wrong.

Leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy. All right. Enjoy the episode. Love you, Puzzies. Number one is, it's been Crash Out Central. Yeah. I mean, it's crash out motherfucking spring.

Are you, like, comfortable to talk about it? I mean, I don't know. I'm still recovering from my crashout. J-Cad-J Shetty on the podcast, and he was here as I was, like, mid-fucking crash-out. I came and sat my ass on this floor

barefoot, grounding myself. Just hoping some of his wisdom would seep into my skin. It didn't. No. Wait, I think, kind of on it did. Oh. I taught him what a crashout was. Wait, I feel like I've been doing so good now.

You've been doing better. Yeah. I haven't spoken about it in like a week. What? What? I do feel like I heard about it two days ago. You want crack? I haven't spoken about it in at least a day.

Yeah. We haven't really been doing much speaking today. We woke up at one yet again. Yeah. Well, Julia got the ick the other night. Did you see the photo of the food? that the guy she was talking to sent her. No.

I didn't see the photo, but I heard about it. Diabolical. It was disgusting. It was diabolical. She said, what are you doing for dinner? And he, oh, my God. Okay, I had to cancel a date because I was sick. And then I was like, oh, let me just throw my bone because this is the second time I canceled on him.

So I was like. And he's like objectively really hot. He is so, so, so hot. Let me just say. Besides the point, I was like, oh, let me throw my bone because, like, he, like, obviously. obviously is a, like, he's very interested, and I'm, like, being rude. Let me wrap this story up. So I'm like, oh, ha, ha, like, what are you doing for, because you're supposed to go to dinner?

So, like, what are you doing for dinner now that our date is canceled? He said, not my prettiest meal ever. Want to see? I already ate half. I intentionally didn't respond. So just out of, just out of curiosity. No, no. Just out of curiosity.

Can you let me speak? How was this half eaten already? No, I know. That's not. My weight is full. Can you know. Just. Just wait

You didn't have me fucking finish He said want to see The plate's fault And I said nothing I said nothing intentionally Because no I actually don't want to see I'd rather do anything but see

I already knew it was going to be nasty Disgusting Look at that steak It's like actual mangled meat I didn't eat I didn't reply I didn't reply on purpose Three minutes later

I got to picture I get a picture of egg steak and rice on a plate. So then Julia doesn't answer for 24 hours. I replied 24 hours later because Payton's like, hey, did you ever answer the steak and eggs? I said, no. And it's not like, it's not like, like, I'm all for like scrambled eggs and steak. Like, I actually think that like steak and eggs is good. Eh.

I don't know. I can not get behind. I just don't want to know about it. Like, keep it to yourself. Do you also eat your steak well done? No. No, Brett doesn't. Brett's on the wall.

Yeah, we get you, we get well. Okay, continue. Hey, so sorry. I needed a full 24 hours to process the fact that you just sent me that disturbing. And I said the most nasty thing after that. What? I said his farts probably smell. Ew, I hate when you say stuff like that.

I hate when you like, you're a full boy. No, because you know, like that's a gassy meal. Ew. Right? Well, also my thought is like, it comes in all forms, you guys. And I'm getting it. I'm getting hit. with the yick.

It is crash out spring. Yeah. Should we talk about Lord? That was so cool. Okay, so Jake had Lord on the podcast. And like, I want to say, like, for you. Yeah. Thank you.

Yay. I want to say we don't really get, like, too frazzled over, like, the guests that, like, Jake has just because he has so many awesome people coming in and out. So it's awesome. But then. Ella, Lord. No, that was. That was a moment in time.

Walked into our living room and she said on our couch. On our couch. She's my phone charger. I'm never getting a new phone. You can't ever get a new phone. You can't ever get a new phone. My ass came home for Lord. For Lord.

Because it's Lord. It's Lord. Max was like, do you, like, are you going to meet her? I was like, I don't want to stress Jake out. But like, I'm going to go home because maybe. And then you did. Everyone met her. We were sitting on the couch.

We got a picture. I'm going to frame it at my wedding. We were sitting on the couch and we obviously got word that she was coming in the house. We pause our show and we're like, okay, so what should we do? Should we be talking? Should we be playing music? Should we be watching TV? We were like readjusting?

And then she comes in and she was like, wow, you guys are really just waiting. She picked up on it right away. She was so nervous. I was shaking. I was shaking. I was shaking. She's everything. She's everything.

Gorgeous. Dropped out. I was, I couldn't breathe. Sometimes when we sit here, I get reminded that we talk a lot of shit. Because like everything that's about to come out of my mouth is shit. I feel like we just need to like. say everything and then we can like splice. Okay, so should we talk about,

well, Peyton's been going on dates with this guy that she doesn't like. Um, yeah, our third dates next week. And guess what? And guess what? I'm coming. I mean, he doesn't. Oh, is this the double date?

Yeah. And I was telling to Julia, also it's like, he doesn't even follow me on Instagram. I'm like, but he said he's a fan of you. I mean. So, baby, he's gonna hear this. So I guess there's not going to be a fourth date. But, oh, there probably will be because this isn't going to come out for a minute.

He's going to be like, this is my girlfriend. Okay, so I have a third. Tell them about the first date that you went on at the worst restaurant in Los Angeles. Oh, good God. He messages me. We met him in the wild, which I like love. Julia and I were at dinner before we were going to see, oh no, are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay.

Julian and I met him at dinner before we were going to see like my actual crush. And is that rude? No, it's just like. What do you say? I said tisk, motherfucking tisk. Tiske, motherfucking tisk. Like, he doesn't give two motherfucking fuchs about me. He couldn't care less.

He could not give less but fuck about me. He's not losing a wink of sleep over you. He hasn't even batted a goddamn eye. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he showed me. Yeah, but we went on like, we went to the worst place ever. It is notoriously the worst restaurant in Los Angeles. It tastes like they made it in like a microwave.

I mean, thank God we didn't eat because God forbid we're sharing a paella. It's good when I make myself laugh. Okay, I have tears. Holy fuck. I'm going to be sick. I have tears running down my face. I can't fucking breathe. Wait, but we're getting drinks at this place.

Thank fucking God we didn't eat. It's a Sunday. Like, oh my God, he was like, should we do Friday? I was like, what about Sunday or Monday? You're not getting a Friday. You're not getting a Thursday. Exactly. That's literally words out of my mouth.

You don't even deserve a Wednesday or a Thursday. I would be a Friday or a Saturday. Any day. Any day. Maybe he could take the whole. weekend Thursday through Thursday through Sunday. If he texted you right now. Picking that into the universe because we're manifesting.

Peyton almost bought a Nazi witch. Yeah. I was casting spells over my Joe Malone kind of. This guy was obsessed with me and then I went to Coachella and then he was like, oh. Maybe it was my jersey. Maybe it was my camouflage pants, my neon green nails. I don't know what drove him away.

It was something. Wait, I have to keep telling about my dated... It's a Sunday. He gets us spritzes. I was like, okay, like, that's fine. And we're having our sprits. We get a second... We get a second spritz.

Oh, that was good. This man's glass shatters in his hand. The drink goes all over the table, and he starts heaving, laughing out loud, like, ha, having so loud. And I was like, holy fuck, like, get me out of here. So then he goes, I think we need to take a shot. I was like, I'm pretty hung over.

It's a Sunday. He goes, we'll have two shots of Tito's with the side of Sprite. I was like, fuck, that is my order. Did he even know that was your order? Well, I said I like Sprite. He's doing all the right things. He's doing all the right things. I honestly am an apologist for this guy.

I like it. Brett is obsessed with him. She keeps texting me. He's hotter than the guy that's been treating you in dirt. Yes. I mean, the kiss was fire. Yeah. He has huge lips.

That's hot. Yeah. Oh, anyway, but the second date was better, I guess. Went to dinner. You had fun. We split a pizza and a bottle and a half of wine. It was pretty, it was fun. I had a good time.

Well, our third date is this week, and it's a double date with Julia. Yeah. So it's like, we're going to get there. He's thinking, like, this is my third date. Like, we were making out for, like, 30 minutes. Last time I saw her, like, good. vibes like oh my god you made up for 30 minutes 15 in 15 yeah wait just like sitting in his car in the car after dinner and then in our driveway

wait in the car before dinner it seems like there's like a lot of sexual attention it's like hannah from girls i can't believe you guys have never seen girls i know we need to watch it maybe you guys should watch it on the way to paris oh yes oh well that brings up our next topic europe europe we're all going to europe together take a moment and keep us in your thoughts and prayers because god fucking knows what we're doing yeah probably Knowing me, I'll probably be in bad. I hope I'm with a French man. I hope I'm with a French man.

I mean, I hope I'm not. Why? Oh, God, you guys. Me and Peyton were in Paris for one night. She met this boy when she was there on my episode. Oh. Oh, you didn't? I went on the day.

And he smelled that, right? He smelled like shit. He walked in and I said, I cannot believe I have to sit on this date with her radio. Well, I knew immediately I hated him. He was guzzling Moscow mules like it was nobody's business. And I said, we have got to go. insane so yeah so what should we talk about

well we're going to Europe we're going to Europe and you guys are moving Brett and I are going to Paris for the weekend this is freshly convinced Brett decided about an hour ago she's having second thoughts though like I already talked to her about it seriously no I'm not actually having sex I mean like I'm just a little bit overwhelmed

I guess that's valid because it's like it's really soon yeah I mean I'll figure it out it's one week Brett I do think though to like minimize my I mean, I don't know. I'm going to play it by air, but I'll book the one way. Good, book the one way.

I don't have a return flight either. I also don't have a return flight. There are three of us need to decide where we're going after. We'll see, that's what I don't know if I can do. Well, so why don't you commit to Santrapai? I don't know. I'm committing to Santerpe.

Great. I don't know if I can commit to a second location. That's fine. Only because my anxiety is just like, that's a lot. Also, also, flying out of Nis is like easy. So easy. Really? Nisa Paris.

Are you fucking getting Nisa? There's a million flights. There's no easier airport. Yeah, I'm committing to San Trope. Great. France is so easy. You heard it here first. There's in San Tripai.

Okay. Because I need to go to Europe. Yeah, we're going to go. It's going to be great. We're going to be in San Tripay. We're going to go. And I've never been. I've never been either.

We're just having a girls trip. We're having a girls trip. We have our girls there. We're going to be with Al. And then we have one more month together and then you guys are moving. Yeah. Do you know, like, where you guys want to live? Yeah, I was about to ask.

You're not feeling too good. about it, are you? You have no idea. No. We're feeling, I don't know. We're feeling fine about it. Yeah. Like, it's time.

Yeah. I'm ready for a new chapter. I mean... Julia and I have lived together for seven years. Right? No, six years. That's insane. Yeah.

Because we count junior year. Yeah, because we did live together junior year. Yeah. You did. Do you think you're going to cry? I mean, it's just so weird. Like, I don't remember, like, life before living with Brett. Yeah, it's just the end.

It is the end of a chapter. But, like, we're growing up. Yeah. We're all, like, we're all so busy. We all have so many things. Don't make me regret resigning this. Yeah.

No, I'm saying, like, I'm gone all the time. Well, yeah, that's what I was going to say. I feel like I don't. That didn't help. I feel like we'll be back here, like, a decent amount. Yeah. I mean, realistically, like, there was nowhere else for us to go. No.

There was literally nowhere else for us to go. No, I'm glad. So I've been getting a, A lot of people have been wondering what I'm doing. Jake and I are staying. Yeah. We're staying putt. And we're off.

The big apple. Are you excited? I'm so excited. New York is just like so much more fun. It is so fun. It is more fun. Objectively. Yeah.

We're both single. We've been going out, honestly, a lot. We've been having fun. Ever since I became single. Yeah. Yeah. I've been going out. We've been like being pretty feral.

You have. What did you guys do last night? I went to this like random party. House party. We're the last people there. Of course. One thing about me is like I don't know when to go home. Yeah, I get that.

I also don't or you're better than I am. I'm better. You're way better than anyone else. Brett's the best. But yes. So I'm not going to get into it too much. I did overstay my walk. I'm at a party a few weeks ago.

Which part? The crash out party. You know the party. The party for you. To which? They're not going to know, but Julian and Peyton went to a party. They got, they... How would they not know?

Everyone's going to know. Just but tell. They were going to see both of their guys there. Which was like weird because it's like they're not... They're not saying to do with each other. They're not at all in the same circle. That was God. That was God saying, get over it.

And they got there. blown out for the party. We got it more than blown out. I got it waved. I got a new outfit. I hope none of you ever have to experience, but I'm about to tell you. I don't even think I've told either of you this.

What? Knowing when to leave is a gift, okay? And I pray that each and every one of you never has to experience being signaled to leave the way I was signaled to leave. You didn't tell me this. Who signals? In which the boy that,

that I thought I had a vibe with, played closing time. Yep. Yep. Holy fuck. I kept it quiet because I like wasn't ready to talk about it. And I also was like, I also was like, okay, to be fair, let me backtrack for a second. There was about 25 people in the room when this happened. You were one of them.

I was one of them. Yes. I was another one of them. And I looked at Willis. and Peyton and I said I think it's time to go as that those words left my mouth closing time starts to play and so I'm in the car saying hey I should have left so long ago I'm freaking out and will was like no he heard you say like we're leaving and then he played closing time oh that's not what happened that is honestly what I thought to I will say what is the how do you get from A to B

because he did get up and immediately say to me like are you out doesn't make it better it was really bad like it made me really upset I mean, that night, I also texted the guy that was at the party. He, we had the good interactions, I thought. And then he left and was like, let me know, like, when you're leaving, what your vibe is. I text him. He answers once. And then I text him, so should we hang out?

He doesn't answer. What did I do? Emphasize to myself. Yeah. I told her not to do that. Here, let me play you my favorite Peyton quote of all the time that I received that night. Speaking of funny quote. Oh, my gosh.

Cassidy Brown. What did. Hold on. Please hold on for one second. We were driving from Hollywood on Sunset Boulevard, okay? Oh, I saw that. From Hollywood. We were passing, like, Ripley's believe it or not.

Cass starts playing, like, good girls gone bad. It goes, are we on PCH? Did she get drunk last night? Yeah, obviously. Was it funny? She was like, there was this guy that was actually despicable following her around. And she was like, I think I kissed him. Oh, Cass.

It is college graduation right now. Right now we're filming this. So we graduated three years ago. Crazy. That's why. Three years ago? That's the same time between freshman year and senior year. Is that not crazy?

That is crazy. That's insane. I know that's how time works. Yeah, I love college. I miss parts of college. I don't miss it as much anymore as I used to. I miss you out so much right when we first graduated. I would like, I mean, me and Brett were like every day.

how and why. We were not okay. Yeah, we were not okay. I feel like post grad's really hard. It just sucks that we can't go back for homecoming anymore. It's like officially weird.

It's a really hard transition into like normal life. And like it also sucks that like for two years after we graduated. Like we got to go back for homecoming and like cosplay like being in college and being at a tailgate and like there's nothing better than a blackout tailgate. Also did USC get more fun when we left? Like they were allowing more parties like what just went on. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. Also like COVID is like hard. I don't know. We got fucked. It's like we missed like our like majority of college. That was a fun. Senior year was my favorite year. But by far.

And freshman year. Like our freshman year, we will go down in history. Yeah. In history. Also it's kind of crazy because we all met besides Jake and Julia who knew each other like senior year of high school. We all met like our first week of college.

Yeah. Yeah. I remember Peyton tried to get me to come up to her room because she said she had snacks. I had to get friends somehow. Yeah. I came. Yeah. I met you guys both on like the first day of freshman year.

Yeah. Well, we met in April. Oh, yeah. We met in April. Julie, I have a photo from a mid-students' day. Oh, it's cute. Were you not at that dinner? I wasn't invited to any of the pre-shit.

And don't blame us. We had nothing to do with organizing that. I'm not blaming you. I was at the party just with other people. God. Freshman year was just the best because did you get, I didn't get hung over a freshman year ever. No, never.

Never. We would get sick. Yeah. There was this bar that we were obsessed with, banditos. And the main girl, Annette, the owner of the bar, Jake would text her.

because they weren't open, like, Monday Tuesday or something. Jake would text her on Monday. Hey, Annette, we have a group of about 60. Would you be willing to open for us tonight? She would always say yes. I'm going to get really upset thinking about banditos. I can't lie. Like, that was really...

Like, we were... Banditos left with us. Yeah. Yeah. No one else. We were banditos. There was no people before us. There was no people after us.

It really, really, really... I think the grade below us might have gone a few times, but nothing like we went. Like, we... Because we were the first year to rush second semester. So we had to go. Create ours. Like,

Yeah. That was, Banditos was seriously, like, I never had that type of fun at the Nino ever. Me either. I never,

like the way people talk about the Nino that, like, went to USC, like, I never experienced it. I didn't experience that. My thing with Banditos was like, it genuinely,

it was so, it was a playground. We could, we played whatever music we wanted. We took control of the bar. They had food. Yeah. Like,

it, their food was unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Why do I not remember ever having food? Yeah. They had the cascadias. They had Ksdias and they were insane.

We had them at before. I don't think I ever had anything else besides an AMF there. The AMFs were, is this like a known thing? Like, do they have AMFs like at bars? Yeah. Yeah. The blue drinks. The blue AMFs, audios motherfuckers.

Like they were, what was your favorite banditos night ever? I don't like remember things from freshman year. Same. Senior year I remember every second. Honestly, one of, your year was like so special to me. I'll remember my least favorite. Andidos night ever. Well, can I say favorite first?

Yeah. Oh, when I had to pick you up. I think it was maybe. Picked me up from that. Okay, you first. Well, I was just gonna say, this is just one of them. It was an invite pregame. And we just got.

My nipples are hard. I know exactly what you're talking about. So fucking shit-faced at the pregame. It was so fun. Yeah. We literally, it was there. That's my favorite now. We literally went to the invite

already, like, so fucked up. Already like, where? like the boys jackets. We were like, this is our night. That was the best end of my life. Actually, straight up,

that was the best night of my life. What's the, what's the song? The T-Payton song that played on the party. And you like, that played on the party bus. And I was like shaking my like,

non-existent ass and I can't dance. And I thought I was like the coolest bitch. I have the videos. We have to put one of them in. The videos of us on the party bus are electric. What was I going to say? Your least favorite night? My least favorite night of Banditos, I will never, ever, ever forget it.

It was sophomore year. It was the first night we got back. And it was when all the freshmen came. And we were sophomores. I remember. And I just remember being like, oh, things are different. Yeah. And it was like a rough realization.

And then we were like. Like, because college was like reverse high school. Like being a freshman was like the coolest thing in the world. Yeah. It was. That was my least favorite Pantitos night. And then they got rated like multiple times. Yeah, he did.

stabbed outside of it. I mean, like, Annette literally, like, got, like, taken by the FBI. Where is she now? I don't know. We should look it up. I hope she's doing so well. And then we went back, was this, like, junior or senior year? We went back one night and there was just, like, a big poster board that said, no USC

fake IDs. No USC students allowed. It was our sophomore year. It was our sophomore year. It was our sophomore. Because we didn't go back ever again. I don't think we went back senior year. Well, it closed.

It was closed. It closed when we were so softwa. There was just, like, a few nights of, from. freshman year. Well, I would say my favorite Banditos nights were second semester

because that's when we got comfortable at Banditos. So that's when we could like show up and just drink. Yes, right. Like first freshman year was like, well,

is everyone going there tonight? What's the deal? And then sophomore, the second semester it was like we knew a net. Like we were like in and out. And also like sometimes some people like wouldn't get in

like if they were being like finicky about our fakes. Right. But then that didn't happen. Where was everyone's fake 80 from? I'm with Delaware. Connecticut. Pennsylvania.

Michigan. Smart. And mine was like my real address and everything because I, heard that like, if you do it like that, then you can't get in trouble for anything else. Because if it's like your real name, your real address, it's like, yeah, that is my house.

Oh, I'm not impersonating anything. I know a favorite bandito's night. When we texted Annette to open the day we got back from spring break. Yep. Yeah, that was my favorite. Yep. I remember what I was wearing.

Me too. And I had like a little clover on my face and I was wearing, maybe was it like your fear roochie like. Yep, it was. T-shirt with the pink and yellow. I think it was yours. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There was some pretty, everyone had like that one shirt that they wore over and over and over again. What was yours? You had that one. It was like kind of cropped. Probably like the Colenziaga one maybe.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Holy shit. Also your Balenciaga T-shirt that like everyone wanted to borrow. Yeah. Jake wore it one night and was like, yeah. You wore it to the hype beast party.

Yep, I did. I wore it to the hype beast party. You wore it to the hype beast party. The Thunder. Yeah. What was everyone's favorite, like, least, least favorite, like, mixer that we had? Mixer?

I'll tell you mine right now. That was true. That was just the night that we realized. We have to tell this story. Have we not? We totally told, maybe on tour. Yeah, maybe on tour. That was the night.

Wait, have we? Have we? Maybe we have. That was the night when I was in love. In love. He wanted nothing to do with me. You were in love with you. I was in love with anyone. Common theme.

A common theme for us is obviously crashing out. Do you remember when I was crashing out so bad, probably my worst crash out ever? And Brett had her car and her car was just like the most sacred best place ever. Like if you're having a problem, like you want to go on to drive with Brett. I was so fucking upset over this guy. And Brett was like, let's just go on a drive. So we start driving We are driving for so long

One of our friends Texts Brett and I Hey are you guys going to San Diego Santa Barbara Santa Barbara? Hey are you guys going to Santa Barbara And we were like We should probably turn around now

Oh I loved those drives Those are the best Those are the best I haven't had a drive like that We had one of those On like a Friday night Junior year And we listen to

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Brett and I once drove To Ventura County Yeah we did And I Fucking so much traffic

Yeah Brett and I also almost died once. I think that was the same drive. Me and Brad have driven so many places. So many places. Home from Vegas at 3 in the morning. Okay, what was everyone's biggest COVID scare? What do you mean?

Because you didn't have to worry. But like when we would go to Xer. Oh, yeah. Why didn't I have to worry? You had it so early on. You got it. Oh. Is it that you can't get it again?

No, but like she had like everyone was like, okay, like you paint and out six months. You have antibodies. Yeah, like you know. Right. That word just triggered. God, the antibodies. I haven't heard that word in forever.

Well, mine was when... You actually got it on my birthday. I got it on your birthday, yeah. That was... I don't remember. Do you remember, though? I remember. I'm standing at the pregame, and I get a text from Julia.

Walk to the bathroom. I said, give me 30 seconds. She texts me, I have COVID. I go, oh, no. The pregame's ready. For Jake. We're waiting for the surprise. One thing about Jake, every single year, he is like, okay, who's planning my surprise birthday?

It's like, at this point, you have planned it. Oh, well, do you remember when I got COVID and I told you guys and you were in the Cabo Airport? Oh, I was so mad. No, we were on our way to Cabo. That Cabo trip was electric. So fucking fun. Yeah. Ever.

So fucking fun. That wasn't, those were the need of two different trips. I was talking about our senior year combo. No, we're talking about, well, which was so fun, but we're talking about what. Oh, yeah, that one. Oh, that was a really fun trip too. I think we had fun. Yeah, I had fun.

We got the master. Yeah. Me and Brett made that trip our bitch. We said, everyone else figured out. We're going to take this room. Yeah. Oh, we had so much fun. Is that Alice?

Yeah. We had a lot of fun. How? Wait, I loved that. Me too. I'd be excited for Europe. So true. Alice.

We've been together in so long. So long. Alice, pull up a chair and pull up a chair. Hey. Hi, Al. La Boo, boo. What is this? Yay!

Yay! Yay! Al is here. Yay. With your piccadilly. Hello, boo-boo. We were talking about COVID, Alice. Oh, well, that's something I don't think anyone knows about me.

No. Tell. Jake's COVID era in Washington Heights. We would see him in his little library We'd call it the bookroom The only place he could FaceTime Because I shared a room with my brother And then all of a sudden

And then all of a sudden he'd go on mute And we'd see like frantic moving He'd be in the green bedroom With the bed with the railing And then after about an hour Like his mom would take him out And say I'm going to bed Yes

Yes Yeah Do you remember when then I would have to talk And Luke would be like Shut the fuck up You'd get a call You'd get a call from Jake He'd be sitting on the floor whispering

Being like To remember when I would go to the bathroom? Yes Yes Sorry my family's asleep That's what I learned you on a dog That's also That's also what I would do

Anytime I face time at home Will you always The one thing about Peyton is her chandelier In her room is like very close to her bed It's literally right there Why is it so close? I don't know You know you have a dog

Two Poodles, right? Poodles Two poodles They once ate Peyton slippers Did they? Yes Which ones?

Duke ate your slippers Yeah Okay, what do you guys Therapist about today? Well, should we talk about your new boobs, Brett? Yay! How are you feeling? I honestly feel really good

They look so fire. They look really good and I'm really happy But what's annoying is that my surgeons said I have to stay in the surgical bra all the time for the next two weeks. That's fine. It's like a cast. Now week.

Yeah, that's fine. It's just like annoying. And like... How bad did it hurt the day you got them done? So bad. It looks like you got a lift. Like they look really good. They look unbelievable.

I think gravity will like let make them fall a little. But I do think like you guys know like my boobs were always sitting nicely. So... Brett has. has the best hits on the planet. Do you remember what? It's not right. Do you remember?

When we, were they always like that in college? Always. We were all not freshman year. Freshman year I came and I was like a good C, which was shocking given like I hadn't hit like the second puberty yet and I was like a runner. And I remember vividly like Olivia Abrams

in a core power class was like, wait, you have boobs. And I was like, really? Like whatever. And then they exploded. But they were always like sitting. Ting. No, do you remember the Cabo picture, though? Yeah. Yeah, me and red. In the blue suit. I posted, like, a bikini photo.

And it had, like, a gazillion fans. In Cabo. It literally broke the internet. It broke the internet. It's like... Do remember how hard it used to be to make TikToks before they, like, updated their interface? We, me, too. You don't remember. You remember. Remember, it would take you, like, a day to edit, like... Well, Brett would have, like, she would use splice. Yeah. And she would post, like, the aesthetic ones. I still, yeah, I was really... I was in the trenches on TikTok for a while trying to, like... Find my... Do you know, do you remember when you would have to write it out and then like put the duration?

What? I don't really remember. I still use Splice sometimes but yeah. Why'd you bring that up? Just because it reminded me of it for some reason. Do you remember how hard it was to edit? Yeah. But I'm still like recovering

and like it's just like a little bit annoying. Yeah. It was a big surgery. It's a big surgery. You've handled it like a champ. Thank you. Are the scars under the tit? Yeah. So it's like a Right under. Yeah, it's like this and then right under. Like a line down and then just like a little under.

Yeah. Are you excited to show up your new tits in Europe? Yeah, I guess. I'm super excited. I'm so excited. Alice is coming to Europe as well. Yes. We are having like a full-blown girls trip.

Yeah, I'm really excited. We've never done this before. How many mental breakdowns in the span of one week? I mean, I don't know. Tears. You want to sit? Wait, come. Please chime.

It's going to be tears. That's what we always say with Alice. Well, it's tears. See, I want that sweatshirt. No, it's tears. No, it's tears. Okay. Well, it is always...

Well, did you order me my stripe set? I order it for you now. Okay, thank you. Our Coachella merch was, it's tears. And let me tell you one thing. Tears, it was. It was tears. Me and Peyton woke up hysterically crying.

Oh, yes, you know that they woke up hysterically crying. It was the worst. It was the worst. worst day ever. Hysterically crying. Julia looks at me and goes... Julia said Peyton flipped her eyes. And she had tears running out of her face.

And Julia looks at me and goes, can we just talk about it? And I go... We can't... And when Julia and I can't speak to each other, that's when you know. Oh, God, that was just... It was bad.

It was just. But seriously, like, I'm thinking, like, it's really just... out spring and like we can't we can't have it be crash out summer no we're getting all of our crash outs out yeah it's a good pipeline we're getting it all out you too alice you're getting all your crashouts now are you going to go on another date with staking out guy yeah they have plans on wednesday to go where alba he is so hot alice thinks he's hot too so hot yeah so hot you know what you know what have you guys ever watched anything about Amanda Knox?

Yeah, wait, it's killing me the whole plot in overcompensating. Oh, yeah. Have you seen overcompensating, Nolan? Wait, where's the- How good's the girl where she's just piss me off? Piss me off. Oh, that was the best. Okay, what do you guys therapists about today?

Okay, I'm therapist that I'm really fucking hungry. What time is that? I'm hungry too. We have 50 minutes left to this. 5-0? Yeah. So make it fucking work. I'm so hungry.

Our dinner's going to be fire. I don't. After Allison, I had the dumpling, she looked at me and said, bleh. I'm therapist because I have not eaten all day. Actually, I lied. I had some of that bagel. You did rip and dip.

What kind of bag. I didn't dip, I ripped. We got Daniels, but they didn't have salt or anything. What? You guys went to the farmer's market this morning? Did I even eat my Daniels last week? Oh. What?

Did anyone eat my Daniels last week? No. I think they got thrown away. I wish. Yeah, I also wish I had that. What do you do? therapist about. I'm therapist that Max got sick. Oh. When? Well, he's not like sick, sick, but like his throat hurts. Wait, my throat hurts

too. And basically, like, last week, Max and I live, like, very separate lives. Like, we were very balanced in that sense. But last week, we were both just, like, really busy. And I didn't see him all week. So obviously, I was, like, mad, even though it was partially my fault. Not, like, mad, but, like, So we didn't really see each other all week. And then I had like plans Friday night. So I didn't see him Friday night until like 10. And then we wake up on Saturday. And he's like, I feel sick.

And then we're, so he's like obviously like scared to tell me this. We're going up in the elevator. And he's like, okay, in his apartment, it's like 4 p.m. It's after we got Bay City's yesterday. He goes, so there's. I go, what should we watch tonight? And he goes, well, like, there's a 50, 50 chance that like I might want to sleep alone tonight, like based on how I feel.

That hurts. And I was like, that hurts. Okay. Piss me off. It pissed me off. But like, I understand he's not the best sleeper. So like, whatever. But anyway, that's what I'm therapist about,

that he's sick so that I didn't get to like, I mean, we did still spend a lot of the weekend together. I'm just crazy, but. What's you, what I'm mad about? What are you therapists about? I walked in on Saturday night. I was like, what's wrong? I'm just like, I had to leave.

I'm really. hot. I'm sweating. We're like, okay. You want to turn the hair on? She was like, yeah, I'm just, I'm really hot. I got to go, you guys. I was pretty drunk. Where was Friday?

They had like a birthday party. We got drinks on, yeah, birthday party. What are you therapists about? I'm thinking. I guess, like, I was maybe expecting a text from this guy this weekend and it didn't come, so. You were expecting a text? Like, yeah, I was definitely expecting him to text me. So I could not answer.

My best friend of 15 years Asked me to be her maid of honor But she didn't invite my parents Who have acted like her parents for 15 years I mean that's weird Do I confront her or because I get that it's her wedding Or do I confront her or not Because I get that it's her wedding

But it really hurt my parents' feelings and thus mine It sounds like it's a wedding Where the parents should be invited And like I want to say that like invitations to weddings Are super subjective Because like weddings are like That's crazy, though. Expensive and, like, the more people, the more expensive.

But it sounds like a wedding where the parents should be invited. 100%. In which case, say something. That's like if I didn't invite her parents to my wedding. I'd be like, what? Yeah. I think you can say something. But if, like, for some reason, you're, like, not wanting to say something and you don't,

then you go to the wedding and you see who's there. Smart. And if there are random people there, then you, after the fact, say, like, listen, like. It's weird my parents weren't invited. And I'm assuming then you'll be like that like negatively impacted our friendship. And like then you can decide how to move forward. Which is like being a maid of honor so much work too. So to like ask that and like not throw a bonus is a lot.

Yeah, that is a lot. I feel like if you're someone's made of honor like you should be that level of closeness where you can say something in like a very respectful way. Like is there a reason my parents aren't invited like just wondering? Yeah. I feel like if I had a wedding and none of your moms were invited like you. you, they would be offended. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, imagine. She's saying that they have like a close relationship, so it's like the parents probably should be invited. I mean, they said, she said they acted like her parents. So why the fuck aren't the second parents invited? That's weird. I think it's weird. That's fuck.

And rude, honestly. Like, maybe it is rude. Maybe it's like a 50-person wedding. How do you not know as the maid of honor what the cap is? In that case, if like the wedding is tiny, obviously. Yeah. But then I'm saying, like, maybe, I don't know. Can we move on?

I don't love that one. Oh, okay. I've been friends with this girl. for years, but she acts completely different with me when I go to school. She barely talks to me and ignores me because she's with her rude friends. I don't know if she realizes it, though. IDK, she does. Even if I want to be friends with her anymore, what should I do?

Probably say something. Like, why are you a bitch when you go to school? That's the worst, though. That is the worst. And I haven't experienced that since, like, high school. So I found out I was talking to this guy online. So I found out I was talking to this guy online who ended up being So I found out I was talking to this guy online

Who ended up being my soon-to-be step-brother I did a little digging and found out literally what What the fuck do I do? My dad gets married to his mom in a month. Hot. That's my favorite trope. I mean, you're living our fucking fantasy. I don't think it's that serious.

What? Fuck. I just said that's my favorite trope. It is. It is my favorite. trope it's just these words and it's like oh you paid attention in that class hall well trope is like a book word your vocabulary has gotten so much stronger since you started reading you guys i texted in our chat the other day we were talking about something and i responded like using a few bigger words i guess

and jake was the word jake responded it was talking skathed unscathed no it was something I think it was unscathed and something else. Yes, it was. And Jake, all he answers, he doesn't acknowledge what I said. All he says is, Peyton, did you just pick up a dictionary? Because actually, what are you talking about? I mean, also, this is my favorite trope. Honestly, you're not related.

Stepbrother. Why do you hate all of the tummy what's wrong? Because they're not funny. This is good. It's literally about culpamia. My situation ship recently hasn't been able to get it up for the life of him. This is the same question? No, it's different.

Oh. I'm trying. I'm trying to be sensitive, but it's loki kind of offensive. I asked him about pills and he's super anti them for some reason. Any other alternatives, King? I mean, it's super offensive. I would be so fucking offended. I should prescribe.

Maybe he's watching too much porn. I prescribe. Can I not say that? So that's what you said to? Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. Right? Like, if you can't fuck your girlfriend.

Well, maybe he's just not that into you. But, um, there's, guys are so horny. It's, ugh. None of you guys watch sex in the city. I can't, I can't. When try, like, he can't fuck Charlotte. She has to divorce him. She divorced him. Yeah, she, like, wanted to, like, wait and, like, become, like a re virgin.

She, like, married her husband, but, like, wouldn't fuck him. And then, like, the night before the wedding, all the girls were like, hey, like, what? You've never had sex with your husband. Maybe he's just nervous, though, because you remember, like, I'm not going to say which one of you it was. Do you see how you don't let people finish speaking? It's wild. Okay, continue.

No, it's like, the moment's gone. But like, you don't even think about it. Hey, Jake, I love to throw in white lies. Wait, we're not over the other one. What were you going to say? My? Yeah. Like, maybe he's just nervous.

He's not nervous. How would he be nervous? Well, how old are these people? I don't know. He might be nervous. Remember, I'm not going to say which one of you it was, one of you was hooking up with a boyfriend and the first time you guys ever fucked, he, like, couldn't get it up and you were so upset, but he was just nervous.

I feel like it probably depends. Get him on some Viagra. She said that he's not open to taking pills. I understand that, like, that pills bug me out like that. Well, I feel like it depends how long it's been because it's like if this is going on for like a few months, unfortunately, that's not your man. Yeah. Okay.

Hey, Jake, I love to throw in a white lie to make my stories more interesting. Ooh. I don't love that. I hate that. I hate that. You're a quote injury that didn't really hurt. I'm now faking a broken leg with crutches and a mood mood. I mean, what's wrong with you?

Okay, so you're a pathological liar. How do I backtrack? I'm so anxious about it. You should be. You should be because that's just weird. That's really weird. There's such things like lying rehab. You could go.

There is, I think. Sounds like you're a pathological liar. That doesn't sound like a white lie. You have crutches. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, I don't fuck with that at all. I really do enjoy the fact that we don't lie.

Yeah. Yeah. We don't. No. We're too honest, baby. We're too honest. Lying is just like not a vibe. And then you-

But we know people that are liars. Yeah, and you can't keep your facts straight. No, it's bad. It's bad vibe. It's just awkward. I just feel guilt when I lie. Like if I tell a lie, it like eats me up. Like, it like eats me alive.

I'm like, I can't believe I, I, maybe it's my OCD, honestly, but I'm like, I can't believe I said that and it wasn't true. And like, they are sitting with that fact. It's also just like, why the fuck are you lying? Yeah. It, like, makes me so. So anxious.

Stop lying. Also, nothing ever good comes from lying. Like, you always get caught. Telling the truth. Yeah. But I almost think, like, well, T, T, T, T, T, T, tell the truth. Big lies are bad, but, like, well, and this is a big lie. This isn't white lies.

That's not a white lie also. White lies almost pissed me off more, because it's like, why are you lying? Right. If it's so small. Why are you lying? And if it's about something that's, like, so small, like, why are you lying in the first place? Like if it's something that's dumb and doesn't matter,

just tell the fucking truth. I just got, like, hit with a really bad hangover. Oh. Oh. I'm a sweating bit. I was drunk at a mechiscan restaurant, tried to do a cheer jump, tore my ACL,

got so high in the ambulance and flirted with the EMT. How do I explain this to my parents? You don't. I mean, sounds pretty iconic. Yeah. Yeah. Also, like, your parents don't need to know about, like, the steamy EMT.

Right. You should probably get his number if you haven't already. Right? Also, like, an EMT. Like, hello, lifesaver. I'm down. Right? Payton's up with a firefighter once.

Yes. Who? So he tried to buy me my drinks at the bar. No one's listening. I mean, I know the story. I wish we could bring the... You don't even care. No, I did.

What is that? I was at the bar with a firefighter during COVID, and he was obviously a first responder, so I wanted to show my respect. He tries to buy me drinks, and I said, no, it's my treat. You're a first responder. My body strikes the entire night. And did you kiss? Yeah.

Did you bang? Absolutely not. I, yeah. Okay. What? I hate when you respond to things with that. Because it's like you just so clearly don't care. Wait, what did he say?

He says, yeah, okay. You don't give a fuck about my firefighter. It's so invalidating. Like, she just bored her heart out. I've heard that first responder story. Do I have a stutter? No one else has. I have a stutter.

Okay. Do you? Yeah. You have a whisper. I am not whispering at all. Right now. Shut up. Jake, I think I'm psychic and can feel when my boyfriend is annoyed at me.

He always gets a little ticked off when I bring it up because I can't really prove it, but it's just the vibes. I mean, it doesn't sound like you're a psychic. What? You're not a psychic. Like your boyfriend's being rude. Yeah. Social cues. That's, yeah.

Do I back off a little or pursue the psychic? girlfriend in me. I mean, you're not a psychic. Yeah, you're not a psychic. But, like, maybe just if he's being off, you should totally say, like, hey. Why are you being an asshole? Right.

Have I done something? You're acting XYZ way, like, figure it out. We can talk about it or stopping bitch. Yeah. Jake, please. There goes again. It's like, you don't give a fuck what we have to say. That was you, you said.

There was no other advice to give. Yeah. Maybe break up. Like, yeah. Jake, Jake, please help. A scammer pretending to be a celebrity wants to date me. And I know I should block him, but I fear I've been playing into the bit too much. And now we're Loki getting along.

I kind of get it. Please help me wash my brain. That is fucking epic. I kind of get it. Well, what if you, like, just try to FaceTime them and, like, see if his real, like, his real, like, looks is a vibe? One time I was talking to somebody on Hinge, and they said, is this actually Jake? It can't be. Jake's funnier.

There's no way Jake is this boring and unfunny. Oh, I mean, whoa. First off, I'll go into jugular. And then somebody said, you're a catfish. I need to get off hinge. That's rude. Yeah, I don't know. Do you still pay to boost?

Once a week. No. Do you ever do skip the weight? I've never skipped the weight. Me either, because like that just feels desperate. We need to get you on dating apps, Julia. I'm not ready yet. I love the apps

Yeah I feel like that's allowed Like you're still like freshly single Like I just like I don't need it Enough to be on an app right now Yeah Like it's not like I'm like so actively like looking for a relationship Where I'm like I need to be putting myself on an app

At this current moment in my life But I didn't get on hinged to be in a relationship I got on hinged to go on dates Right used hinge like social media It was so fucking up Hinge is awesome I've had a hinge before I'm just like I don't know Never forget, Brett.

We were at Alice is in Coachella, senior year, and Brett's one hand on the golf car driving, the other hand, swiping left and right on a hinge. I also remember that. How many hinge dates did you go on? Honestly, like, not that many. Like what, like maybe four or five? Four or five.

Yeah. Oh, my God. We have to cut everything. What? Why? Who, you had, like, a moment with, like, a soccer player. Do you remember? I don't think we don't have to cut that.

We don't have to cut those, but we just shouldn't say his name. Yeah. Yeah. We'll bleep. This whole episode's gonna be a bleep. You had a good, sorry, we just have, like, so much. Shit, so, yeah. How many dates did you go on?

Three? Three. Yeah. What happened again? Good vibe. It just, like, fizzled. It just, like, fizzled, and then, like, I was, like, leaving for, like, summer and, like, my sister's wedding.

And then he involved me when I got a boyfriend. That's super weird. That is weird. And I forget. Really? I feel valid, maybe? Wait, what? I feel like that's weird.

But, like, we, like, had mutuals, but, like, not enough, I guess. I feel like that's weird as fuck. I don't know. Have you guys unfollowed people for getting girlfriends? No, but I should start. I guess, like, because we only met, like, in, like, a going-on date setting. That's why I'm thinking. We went on, this was my first, first date post-breakup of my longer-term relationship.

This was, this was your first four-A. And I was really nervous, but it was what I needed at the time. Yeah. Three nice dates. I remember you went to a rooftop in downtown L.A. Yeah, that was after our first date. Pretty crazy. I remember that.

We did a second location moment. We were living at Orchard. Yeah. Yeah. And remember we had the whole discussion like should you bites at the date? Yes. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Well, I was never gonna whip out my phone and take pictures of the food on a first date. I never did that. No, not first date. But we did talk about bites and like that's when I, this is what's like so crazy and same with Max. I was like so confident in that like I would have success one day with Brett's bites that like I was talking about it. Right.

On my first day. No, you were, you went, you went, you went, you went full throttle at it. Yes. So, I was like, since we've known you. I was like, I, no, she stopped for a second. No, like, it's always been a part of her. Oh, yeah, always. I was like, I know this will be something someday.

And it is. And it is. I feel like even senior year, like, you were slaying. Like, you were doing a giveaways and orchard and we were like, I was, but I had like 5,000 followers. And I thought it was like so sick. No, but like, it was at the time. It was at the time.

I'm not down playing it, but I'm just like, I was so confident. I told him and I took math. That's manifesting, by the way. A hundred percent. Bytes on first eight. Yeah. But I remember COVID was when it really started to kick in the high year.

COVID is when I, like, revamped it. Yeah. I remember the, I remember when she dropped the, it was like so, like it was such a thing when she would drop the LA bites Rex to LA. Yeah.

I literally will, I literally text did Brett maybe two weeks ago. Hey, where's your Florence Rex? I can't find them on your highlights. They are iconic. The wrecks are. So good. I'm so excited for Europe, speaking of Europe. Same.

I can't stop thinking about it. I can't believe we're gonna. We need it. I can't believe we're gonna be there when this comes out. I know. What do you think we're doing right now? Oh, that's so fun. What do you think we're doing right now in Europe?

I hope I'm dancing on a table with no clothes. We are shit-faced at this very moment. On a table with a bottle of rosé. I hope I'm taking pictures of Brett with her new boobs. Same. I think we are. That'll be a good answer. I hope I'm taking pictures with Brett with her new boobs.

I say, I want to be in the pictures too. I think we're going to be shopping a lot. Is Sandra pay good for shopping? Yes. There's an Arames just for shoes. What? There's an Aramaz just shoe store. Oh, I'm excited.

Yeah, it's epic. Oh my God, we didn't, we like haven't even gotten sentimental about moving. Does anyone care? I mean, I care. I just doesn't feel real yet. Yeah. But, yeah, I've lived with Brett for six years. It's like, this is going to be weird as fuck.

Yeah. I just feel like I'm hoping it doesn't feel too different. Like, I'm hoping we're here, like often. I don't think it's going to feel about different. I don't feel like it's going to feel about different. I don't feel like, I don't feel like, It's going to be that different.

It doesn't really feel like anything. You travel every fucking week. I never fucking see you anyways. It's also, it's like at this point. I don't think you guys see me very often ever. No. We don't. But like I will say, I will say, I've been clocking recently, like the moments that we have the four of us in the house.

Because we don't get them that often. And like every time like the four of us are just like sitting in the house, I'm like, ugh, like. That's really sweet. There's like not that many more of these. Well, we should plan trips to both places for things. Well, 100%. Well, we're going to try to get a three-bedroom so you guys can always stay with us. That would be perfect.

And also, I feel like at this point, it's like we have been best friends for so long. It's like we're not getting ready of each other. Right. We are here to fucking stay. We are stuck. Like, I think we should go. I also feel like it's not going to be where it's like, oh, like I have like my New York friends where it's like, oh, when I'm in town, like I text them. But it's like not like we talk that much otherwise.

Like, I rarely think we're going to talk more. I don't even know if it's, I don't even know if it's possible. Yeah. It's not. But like, I just don't. feel like it's going to be like that with us because like the four of us have just been together for so long like I'm excited it's not going to be like oh jakes in town so like let me text julian peon it's just like wait hi it no it's gonna be like oh let me text my girls who i texted

eight times already today like i'm gonna be like oh like do we go to new york for hollinois yeah like what do we do do we come to l a for hollum yeah like do which one do we do we do probably la for the fuck like you'll go for fashion week so you'll be there all, all, a lot in September. Yeah. And then Julia's birthday's in January and then. I'll probably come here for that. I'm, I'm probably going to do something big for my 25th.

Oh, can we talk about it? What do you want to do? I don't know. And you too. Yeah, I'm having a party. Okay. Yeah. I think I want to rent out a club and do like, just like a Clayton Club Payton.

I feel like it's so me. It's just like. Let's do it. And we also need to do our going away party. Yeah. What do you want to do for your birthday? I don't know yet. It has, is it 25?

It's 25, and I haven't had, like, a party, like, ever, so. What if you got, you, you've never? And your parties in college, like, those were my favorite birthday. That's birthday. Always. It was, like, the first day.

Yeah, always, like, the first week of school. Yeah, I'm, I'm gonna think on it. And I'll probably also be, like, renting out some sort, but, like, it won't be, like, a club, because, like, I don't do that. Yeah. Like, a really amazing, lavish dinner.

No, no, no. No, something more fun than that. Yeah. What if you did? I don't know. We'll see. We have time. We have time.

What if we did like a house in Santa Barbara? No. No. Because I want like all my friends there. Like all Max's friends. No, yeah. But somewhere that they could drive up. Oh yeah.

Well, we'll see. Yeah. We'll see. Should we do the new tell me what's wrong? Oh, yeah. My ex has only gotten hotter since we broke up. Like a total glow up. This is killing me.

I need a prescription. I don't know how to help you because that just fucking sucks. I mean, that hasn't happened to anyone. No, but like that does suck. That really sucks. Like that's like the last thing you want to happen. That's the worst. Can you hook up with one of his friends?

Oh, yeah, or like, go up yourself. How tired are you right now? Huh? How tired are you right now? I'm tired. I'm just like, I haven't eaten. My stomach is grumbling. Am I acting not okay?

No, you know, you're pretty lively. No, I'm fine. I'm sorry. I didn't see very well last night, though. Brett's like, yeah, that sucks. Well, it does suck. Can she go up herself? Good question

Yeah Or like hook up with someone hotter And make sure he finds out Yeah that's what I was saying Like hook up with one of his friends Next Also it's like if you have a friend That make them post really hot stories of you

We do that Yeah and does it work? No But one day it will I thought My roommate choose so loud It's like loud chewing and smacking sounds That is nothing like anything

I've ever heard from anyone before Does anyone feel that way about anyone in this room Be honest We are good friends but she's a bit sensitive and I don't know how I could ever mention it to her because I want to know if my chewing bothers people. No. No, my chewing is bad.

You're like, because you like, because you breathe while you chew and you're like, yeah. I wondered why my fucking texted me back and then I remember we ate on our date. Chewing doesn't bother me. I don't really know. Maybe don't say anything, honestly. Just like leave the room when she's eating. Yeah, just don't eat with her.

Hurry. Everyone has their little sounds And their little things. Drew had like really weird things about chewing. Brett's sound is Yeah and like when do I do that? Like I know I do. Every day of your life.

And also something you do that I'm addicted to that I'm going to miss when I move That I won't be able to hear is I know when you're hydrating yourself Because right after you take a sip of anything Ah Really? So good. And Julia, Julia's thing is that

She'll go like Like that's what you should No like you like make a little face Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? No I have a Twitch No you don't have a Twitch you just You're like like I don't know

I can just And then we all know we all know pants What Everyone notices huh Baby we notice this huh Baby we notice We notice hard I'm constantly fucking congested

This episode tears. Do you remember when Julia kicked you out of your... When Julia kicked you out of your room because you were coughing. Oh my God, we have to tell this story. I had a chronic cough. Well, also like, we're sick right now. Have we told this story?

I don't think so, have we? Well, let's tell it. Payton had a chronic cough in sophomore year. Her cough, like, it does something to me. Like, it's similar. Like, like, sometimes, like when people, I think it's like a form of misophonia. Like, sometimes when people sneeze, I'm like, oh, stop. Like.

I was so angry. When they sneeze? Like, I hate, like, bodily function sounds. Yeah. And Peyton had this, like, cough. Fucking cough. Like, sorry, we're drinking six days a week. Yeah, my health isn't the best.

Those were also the dark ages of T. Bell. And she, like, would not stop fucking coughing. Oh, my God. It was so dark. Like, she wouldn't stop. And one night, I already... I literally think I had strep this night. No, you didn't have strep.

You just had your cough. She said, If you were sick, I wouldn't be sleeping in there. I'm like a fucking crazy person. No, you said, pay in,

stop fucking coffee. And she said, I can't control it and walked out of the room and slept. And I stopped on the couch. Jacked her duvet. With my duvet.

I woke up. It was four in the morning. I said, stop. Fucking. Do you remember? The hoodie peat and would sleep in? No, which.

Of course. The green one. Fuck. You slept in that hoodie and must have been every day. Yeah, you were. Do you let's hate me?

No. No. No. Do you remember that hoodie? Of course. That hoodie wouldn't come off. West 20s from LF. Do you remember it would be 105 degrees out in Bainwood's back?

It was walking. In the hoodie. Tripping it would say I'm so hot. Yeah. West was dark. I literally can't stop laughing. Okay. My crush.

God forbid we hope it. Oh, pants over a... Do? Are we as funny as we think? Yes. Okay. My crush shaped his mustache. And he looks awful.

Like, I've never seen him shave before. I seriously feel like I'm looking at a new person. Remedies. I don't know. If it's just your crush, who cares? Right? It's like, that's not your man. You can't say anything.

Take it as a blessing. Oh, my God. You don't have a crush anymore. Bye. We're done. Yeah. Like, as I've said, I beg for the ick. Oh, when you get it, though, it's so.

fucking miserable. Like when I got it the other day, I was like, I, why? Why do I have it? Why? Why do you give it to me? Like, I was so happy. Sorry, I wasn't listening. You're gonna have a good thing for this. I know it. Help! My boyfriend still won't call me his girlfriend and we've been together for two years and he's my neighbor. We see each other every day. First off, like, why are you calling him your boyfriend? He's clearly not your boyfriend. Hey, what? But it's like, why are you calling him your boyfriend? He's not your boyfriend. He just wouldn't say it back. So true. Yeah. You did do that. I said this is my boyfriend. I guess when this airs, we're going to have updates on your double date. Peyton, why do I feel like you are going to date this guy?

What? He is not my man. I don't think she's going to date him. When were you saying, my man, my man, my man. And that's what I get for screaming, my man, my man, my man too loud. That was me. Yeah. Yep.

You tried. I tried. Yeah, this guy is not going to be my boyfriend, but Julia was saying, like, you're going to ruin his life. That's nice. No, and it's like, I want to be able to, like, crash out about, like, a guy not texting me. Like, I, like, that's, like, fun. Yeah.

Then, like, waiting for a text from someone and then the text comes and you're like, wow. I'm never fucking getting that text. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. Where should we do that? They're going away. Party, should we do it here? I think here.

During the day. We get, like, vendors. Just get, like, bartenders. Dardy. Dardy. It's a summer. Are you down? Yeah.

Or maybe like night is chieker. And we'll get like bartenders. Tears for who? All of us, yeah. We're going to be emotional or just like shit's going to hit the fan. No, Alice is going to strap herself to like the front of your suitcase and not let you leave. Yeah. We're going to be, I'm going to be back here like once in a month.

Same often. It's like we've lived here for so long now. It's like LA is like home 100%. So it's like. Damn. Like what are you guys going to miss? Oh yeah. What are you going to miss the most?

I'm honestly going to miss like I'm going to miss driving. Like I feel like I like getting in my car. and like going places. Yeah. I'm going to miss everything. I'm going to miss the restaurants. I'm going to miss. Like,

specific. Like, just like the things I eat here and the things I do here, like, it's like, I can't go to the country mart. Like, you know, it's like, that's a loss. Yeah. You know, it's like, just like the little things. Like, I'm going to miss our house so much. I'm going to miss waking up and having like.

Be outside. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I'll be outside a lot. I think you actually might be outside more. Yeah, but it's a different type of outside. Well, it's just like we have like a patio here. Like,

We can feel outside. Like, I think, I think you're going to miss, like, I don't. Yeah, tell me what I'm going to miss. There is something to say, it's at about, like, a 30-minute Uber to a party. Yeah. Nightlife in L.A. is so different because it's like, you've got to get in the car and it's like, okay, you got to play music. And it's like, in New York, everything's like five minutes. Yeah.

You know, L.A. is so big. Speaking of. I'm going to miss the food here a lot. The food here's so good. Sorry, but speaking of Uber's to parties, we were the party that we keep referencing, we literally made a playlist for the car ride with songs that would like make us feel like bad bitches.

Pretty girl rock. We said that we wanted you guys to walk a fake wreck carpet and I wanted Peyton to be posting like this and Julia to be taking an interview. We did one interview just like didn't hit because I was like trying to be confident. Yeah. Wait, never again.

Never again. Fuck confidence. Never again. We also before this party we drank buzz balls. Did you guys get drunk? What's that? I was wasted. Also buzz balls. They are like little, you've definitely seen them. There's like so much alcohol in them. It's like insane.

Oh, okay. How hungry are you? So. My stomach is grumbling. I am so hungry. Hot and hungry. Because you know that I like an early Sunday dinner. Oh, okay.

Oh, that's what you're tweaking out about too. I want to go to bed. Okay, okay. We will go. Okay, I will say like this felt like a therapy session. Like I'm leaving my crash out. Yeah, we can leave our crash outs. I'm not, but.

Wait, I'm obviously going to. crash out again, but it's like I'm leaving, like, spit it out. I guess I already said it. I'm about to pee my pan. Okay, bye. Okay, wait, wait, this is our last time. Well, actually, like, no, it's not. Yeah, what?

It's not our last time to do anything. Okay. Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you. Brett wants to go. I got to pee. Yeah, we got to go. I'm so fucking angry.

Love you guys. Bye, pussy. Bye, pussy. Bye, pussies. Wait, you didn't do what you learned today. Nothing. You can't reason with the sun. Trust us.

We've tried. This summer, it's time to put that angry ball of fire on mute. Columbia's Omnishade technology is engineered to protect you from the sun's harsh rays that can burn and damage your skin. The sun is relentless. But so is our gear. Level up your summer at Columbia.com to spend more time outside and less time slathering on alolotion. You're welcome. Columbia.

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