Therapuss with Jake Shane - Session 89: Countess Luann

Episode Date: August 15, 2025

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Surprise pussies. Friday. Even Louis Vuitton makes mistake sometimes, and that is exactly what our guest today is here to teach us. I present to you, Countess Luann, from the Real Housewives of New York City. She's one of the greatest housewives of all time on the original Real Housewives of New York. She is exactly who you would think she is, just as charismatic, just as funny, just as incredible. Happy Friday. Enjoy the episode. I love you, pussies. To submit, tell me what's wrong. Go to pass that post.com Click, tell me what's wrong. Leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy.

Love you, Pussies. Hi, Pussies, and welcome back to Therapus. And reminder, never count out the countess. And today, we have the one and only Countess Luanne Deliseps here with us. Hi. Hi, darling. I love the way it just rolled off your tongue. People have a hard time with Deliseps.

Delisps. Right? But it's like Delisps. Let it roll off. It's like Durala. You know, people get rock all the time. All the time. Well, welcome to Therapus.

I am so elated to have you here. Thank you. Are you, how long of you, but you're on this tour. You're on Countess Cabaret. Countess Cabaret. This is my kind of greatest hits tour. Right. Last year I did Mary F. Kill.

And had a great time. And so, you know, every cabaret is different. Right. You know, like I played L.A. last year, now I'm back at the Willtern. But this is greatest hits. It's new music and new stories. And, you know, of course, I'm going to talk a bit about the love hotel. Right. And how was filming the love hotel? You know, it was great. I had so much fun.

They called me up and they're like, hey, Lou, we're going to send you on vacation for three weeks. We're going to pay you, of course. And we're going to find you guys. I'm like, yhabi B. I'm in. I am in. And so, because I've been single for quite a while now. So I feel like, I feel like right now, I know exactly what I'm looking for. So the timing was absolutely perfect for me. What are you looking for? well tall handsome funny classy um rich yeah as always exactly um i have been so excited and kind and kind is you know kind is really first on the list you know right a man who's got um not not afraid to be vulnerable and and show his real feelings i like people who are in touch with themselves i'm big on spirituality and you know and people that are connected to you know they're in

or child. Have you always been connected to spirituality? You know, I found spirituality really after I divorced the count. It was a rough spot for me. And so I went to Deepak Chopra. And I realized, oh my God, there's an actual being in here. Right. It's just, you know, because we all wear our masks, right? Like I was a TV personality, you know, back in the day when I lived in Milan, I was working for Italian television. You know, I was a model before that. So it's always been about, right, the face.

And so I discovered, you know, there's much more to me that lurks underneath the face. Right, 100%. When you were doing Love Hotel, did it remind you of your days on Real Housewives of New York? Or was it a different experience? Oh, totally different. You know, in the houseways, it's all about let's take her down, you know what I mean? Let's find a way to get under her skin. And, you know, Love Hotel was really, we were each other's wing men.

Right. And that was refreshing for me. And I, you know, I wouldn't, you know, for me, housewives, you know, unless we're going on an ultimate girls trip, you know, I did for 13 years. And God knows, you know, I had to deal with Bethany. Good luck with that. I mean, it's like walking on eggshells. And so it was really a refreshing show for me to do because, you know, we were there for each other. We were there to give each other advice, support each other.

And really the drama lies with the guys. Right. Do you, so you don't talk about it. Anthony anymore, or do you? No. Not really. Right. Not really.

We were quoting that earlier today. I love that moment, which is, I think, better than even be cool, don't be like all in cool, is the, would you care if there was a naked guy in the bed next to you? I'm like, not really. I'd be taking selfies by now. Yeah. You know, look, there's a naked guy. Here I am.

That felt so, to me, unfair of Heather to get mad at everybody during that. It just felt like she was looking for Boblots. Well, you know, what people miss is that Ramona pulls the sheets over her head and goes, go and talk to Lou. Yeah. So she punts the ball to me, right? And it's actually her guy that's upstairs and not mine because my guy left at 3 o'clock in the morning because I said, you have to go because I have to film tomorrow.

Right. So you've got to go. And he figured out how to get home. Right. Well, Ramona's guy, he wasn't that clever. Yeah. So, you know, Romona probably said, just go and sleep because Bethany left the night before. Right.

And that situation was that Heather and Carol had a room next to Bethany, and it shared a bath So when they went to the bathroom, they saw a naked man's ass staring at them. Yeah. I mean, so, and it wasn't even my guy's ass. Right. It was, it was. It was Ramona's guys' ass. Do you still talk to Ramona?

Of course, yes. You know, Ramona's doing great. She has a boyfriend now. Oh, amazing. And so she's very happy, and she's living her best life over in Palm Beach. Do you still call her the singer-stinger? Well, no, our relationship has changed so much. I mean, you know, I actually play a scene during my.

shows, which is the moment she tried to blackmail me in, we're in Central Park. I don't know if you remember that. She's like, but look at my nails. Aren't my nails fabulous? And I'm looking at her like, are you crazy? You're blackmailing me? You want me to look at your nails? You know, so, you know, but she's changed. She's, you know, she's happy now. Right. She's not, you know, because I think a lot of the problems were that there was a certain amount of trying to take down the countess. Right. Right. And, you know, and I talk about this also in my show, which is, you know, they always gave me a hard time about that. What they didn't know is that the De La Ceps, you know, were

responsible for the Suez Canal, the Panama Canal and actually gave the Statue of Liberty to the United States of America for the French. Did they really? Yes, they did. Oh my goodness. You go to the Statue of Liberty, it's Ferdinand Deliseps. Oh, wow. He presented it for the French. That's how important he was. So the title does not come

from a cracker jacks box. It's real. You know what I mean? Yeah. And what I'm very proud of. You know, my children are born from this family and my husband. My My husband's father was the ambassador of Monaco for 40 years with Prince René, you know, and this was my life. Right.

And they were always not happy about that. No, yeah. They didn't like that I had this aristocratic background. I'm just a girl from Connecticut. Of course. Who ended up marrying into French aristocracy. Now, we married two weeks later. Right.

So when he said, I'm a count, I go, like Count Dracula? How does that work? I mean, so, you know, whoopsie, I hired a French aristocrat, became a countess. Titty! Right. Like I say. Like I say in the show. Who do you think out of all the Rony girls were the most jealous of your countess title?

Bethany. Really? Yeah, probably. Well, let's think back. When Bethany started the show, I'm married to a French aristocrat. I have two gorgeous children. I've got the house in the Hamptons with a sewing bowl. But not like to Alex and Simon with a blow up pole, right?

Right. And I've got everything that she wants. Right. Isn't it? Yeah. So who wanted to take me down the most? It was she, for sure. It was her.

Was it ever hard? Were you ever able to separate your relationships with the girls on screen versus off screen, or was it all just very real and very in it? Well, it was also very real, and I was in it. But, you know, like Jill would get an episode and go, oh, let's watch it. And I'm like, I want to sleep well tonight, okay? I'll watch it in the morning, but I'm not going to see it before I go to bed. Because, you know, there's always something you wish you said or you wish you didn't say.

Because, you know, you're flying by the seat of your pants. Right. So you better be fast, right? So, and I think that's what makes a good housewife, you know, is like, and for me, I separated my family from the show. You know, you won't see my kids a lot on the show. You won't see the count a lot on the show because, you know, it's really was our decision as a family to do the show. But you go ahead and you do you. Right.

My kids are artists. They're not fame seekers or fame mongers. Otherwise, you would know more about them. Of course. But they are successful artists in their own right. And I respect that. And they respect me for what I do. But, yeah, no, I always tried to keep my family separate.

Like when we started filming, I mean, I literally said to production, you see that door? That's my master bedroom. Don't go near it. Yeah. And did production ever? No. They never crossed that. They respected you and all that amazing.

You know, people think that they show up with cameras. No, it's produced and edited show, right, with the schedule. Right. So I would say, you know, no, you can't come and tell. 10 and come at 11. And so, but we used to get away with a lot more of that. Like, for example, Scary Island, I didn't go on that trip, right? So it was Victoria's birthday.

So I said to them, I'm sorry, it's my daughter's birthday. I am not going on that trip. And I didn't. And you know what? It's better I didn't because if I was there, scary island would not be the same. Right. Because I would have been there for Kelly. Oh, you would have been there.

When they were all bullied her to the point where she went, you know, off the deep end. Is that, that's what you think happened? A hundred percent. Okay, got it, got it. And do you still talk to Kelly? Yes, I do. She finally brought me to a Rangers game. Oh, amazing.

Do you think that when they, did you understand the severity of scary island once they all got back, or was it only until it aired? No, I think it got picked up in the press before that. Oh, really? Yeah, because, you know, she traveled back earlier. You know, she had to leave because they were scary for her mental health. rightly so because you know

so yeah I heard of course about it and you know Jill wasn't there either so Jill and I so I said to Kelly don't go right because I knew she wouldn't be able to handle them

you know but you know but she gave a scary island so we will forever be grateful to you Kelly yes thank you Kelly Ben Simone um

Jill and Bethany's fall out do you have any like who did you do you think both of them were wrong or did you think one side was leaning more correct. I don't even remember what the feud was about to tell you the truth.

Do you? Bethany was, I think, gaining more traction and not calling Jill enough. And Jill got very upset. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, Bethany was there to build herself up, obviously, right? She, you know, Jill also, you know, she had Bobby. You know, Jill's got money.

You know, Bethany had nothing, right? So she's climbing up that ladder, isn't she? And she doesn't care how many stairs she breaks on the ladder, does she? So, you know, Jill is kind of hearted and a good girl, girl's girl. And, you know, I think Bethany came in and took what she could and, you know, and it behooved her to get rid of Jill. Ooh. Do you have a favorite memory from the show or a favorite trip you ever went on?

Oh, I have to say Marrakesh because, you know, that was really my trip. Yeah. You know, they were like third world country. I'm like, are you kidding me? This is Marrakech. North Africa. Hell. Anyway, so,

you know, that trip, you know, between this is not the Plaza Hotel, Ramona, okay. Right. Almost getting killed

on a camel and seeing Jill in a fanny pack in the souk is just, I will never go out of my, on my memory. And, of course, you know,

that's where, you know, Herman Munster, shoes came along. Buffalo coming down the stairs. Even Louis Vuittal makes mistakes. There's so many, so many good things happening.

on that trip, including her interrupting our Hena session. Yes, yes. And do you don't talk to Alex anymore, do you? Well, she lives down under, so we don't get a chance to, no. No, no, but I don't have anything against, you know, Alex. What was it like, though, filming

with Simon? Because he always wanted to be involved with the girls, right? Yeah, he did. He was just another housewife. Simon, you know, he's actually an interesting guy in many ways, a little too into, you know, the show. Right.

Right. And, you know, he's not my type, you know, kind of in terms of guys. To be quite honest. And, but, you know, it was always odd because it's like, why don't you stay home, right? It's like, I don't bring my husband everywhere. No, well, you stay home and let your wife do her thing. So he's always, you know, trying to get in on the scene. and so, you know, it's like having, you know,

an extra housewife along that you didn't quite invite. Right, right. So you agreed with Ramona when she was like, I don't want him here. Right. Yeah. This is girl talk. You know, you can't really, you know, talk about certain things when your husband's hanging around.

Right. Right. Were you guys as like a cast expecting the show to kind of blow up the way it did? Or were you all pleasantly surprised? We were, you know, first of all, the first season we, I got paid $10,000 for the entire season. No. Yeah.

Because it's a pilot. Right. It's a pilot. Well, 18 episodes later. Yeah. So, no, we were not expecting it to blow up the way it did. And, you know, I think it was, the timing was right. You know, sex in the city was over.

Desperate Housewives was over. So we kind of fill the void, you know, in that space, which was kind of like sex in the city. Right. And by the way, Candace Bushnell is one of my best. friends. I love Candace. Oh, wow. Yeah. Love her. Do you, was there ever a moment during, because you were, you were on the show that entire run, was there ever a moment where you were like, I can't do this anymore? I'm done. Every season.

Am I going to do this again? Right. But, you know, listen, there's a lot of drama going on. There's a lot of, you know, positioning and all that stuff. But we really had a great time. You know, you get to go on vacation with your girlfriends and get paid, right? So the benefits, I always. weighed the negative. Right, of course. For me. And do you feel as though the new Roney cast is doing it justice at all?

They're not us. Let's just put it that way. You know, and I think a more diverse cast, yeah, maybe a little younger, but, you know, they're successful. They're beautiful women, you know, but they're just not us. It's not the same story because, you know, friendships are so important. You know, we were really friends. And I think that that is the problem that new casts have is like they're kind of thrown together.

and they don't have, you know, the, let's say, they don't know where the skeletons are buried. Like, we know where all the skeletons are buried. And, you know, it's like, you better watch it because I got, you know. Yeah. I remember, you know, we used to dig stuff up on each other. Like, oh, I'm going to put this in my back pocket. I'm going to use that for later. You know what I mean?

We were very, you know, we go way back. Right. Like, so, you know, we just go way back. And so I think that's, it's really hard to duplicate that kind of relationship. Who do you feel was the one in the group that was the most out of place during your filming? Like the one that, like, wasn't really a part of the friend group and didn't really fit in? Carol, I mean, Carol, you know, I know because of her association with the Kennedys, I mean. But Carol's not a housewife.

Carol's, you know, single living in a small flat downtown, right? Right. So there was always, you know, but Carol, you know, Bethany embraced her until she didn't embrace her. Right. Why do you think she stopped embracing her? Because... Well, I think that...

I don't want to get into it, but... Aviva was not wrong. Got it. Understood. So we don't like, you know... I don't like people that are not honest. Right. Ooh. Okay. Was there anybody in the cast that would leak stuff to the press a lot?

Bethany. Really? Oh, yeah. And how did you guys find out? Well, when my name is on page six, I know it's Bethany, who called them. Wow. And was it? Sonia, too.

Really? Oh, Sonia Rita. Would she own it? I love my Sonia Rita, but... Would Sonia... She's friends with everybody at page six. Would she own it, though? Would she be like, yeah, I did that?

Probably not. Right, okay. Or would Bethany? Right, right. And who... when Aviva threw her leg. Did you see me? I'm cracking up.

You know why? Because the woman's leg is on the table and I'm like, her dirty shoe is next to my silverware. That's what I'm thinking. And I'm laughing about myself, really, and how ridiculous the whole situation is. What about her leg on the table? Like, was that, was everyone like, well,

oh my God? That scene is just epic. I actually used that scene. when I talk about the housewives in the show. And my reaction, you know, the audience is laughing their asses off because I am like sitting there with my turquoise necklace on, like giggling like, like, p, I was cracking up. I think, you know, it was just once you throw your leg on the table, what's left? Right, right. Who is the worst?

Who is the worst person to film with? And who is your favorite to film with on the flip side? So both. Okay. Well, I love filming with Sonia Rita because, you know, those scenes where I'm staying in her townhouse. Right. I'm in between boys, in between homes. And so, yeah, Sonia Rita. And gosh, the worst, you know, I don't have a worst, really. Right. You know, I enjoy all the girls for their personalities. You know what I mean? Tinsley, I had fun with. I had fun with all the girls, really.

You know, I was always the one trying to navigate the negative energy coming my way. Like, where are the truffle fries? I'm like, admiring my poster in Miami. Yeah. And they want truffle fries. And they're mad because they went swimming. Really? Right.

You know what I mean? So I'm always trying to defend myself most of the time. I'm not the gaslighter of the group. Yeah, you were never really the instigator. No. You were always trying to defend myself. Yes, exactly. Um, do you think in that scene where Bethany didn't call you the countess before you guys entered the car, do you think she did that on purpose?

No, no, no. It wasn't, it was Mrs. Deliseps. It wasn't countess. It was because, listen, I lived in Europe for a long time. Right. Right. So I was not used to first name basis with any, you know, what I mean? Somebody I don't know, right?

So, um, it was just a kind of a carryover from the lifestyle that I lived. Right. Right? So, yeah, I'm Mrs. Deliseps. Hey, hey, Joe, this is Lou. I mean, no. I'm sorry. I know it looked like, you know, oh, God, she's such a snob. That's not who I am. I mean, in Europe, I'm Countess Delisps. Right. Not Mrs. Delisps. I'm Countess Delisps. So, you know what I mean? I was not used to this familiarity just coming back to the States, you know, which is basically what happened.

And you spoke about, obviously, not including your family in the show, but was the Count and your children, like, were they so supportive of all of everything you were doing? They were. They were. I mean, you know, Noel did his little break dance number. Yes, of course. Which he still regrets today. You know, we got Aston, our dog on the show, you know, so, yeah, the kids have always been, you know, they played along.

Right. But I didn't put them in harm's way. Of course. And the count was like, if he showed up, it's like a miracle. Right, right. So, and, you know, I didn't want, I didn't want them to be on the show, really, because, you know, it was really about our relationships, you know, with the women. Right.

And who, so you guys... Well, my relationship with the women, I should say. Of course. And so you guys, you guys were all a friend group before filming started, or did, was any of them added, like, how did that the dynamics work? So how the show started is that I was at a party. Actually, it was the movie premiere of Sicko, with Michael Moore's movie, and I was with Tommy Hilfiger, who's a friend of mine

because he married a girlfriend of mine who's from Monaco. And D. And so anyway, so I'm with D. And then I see a guy buying shots, and I brought my niece with me. She's like 23 at the time. He's buying a shot for my niece. So I go, I go over there. I go, you're buying a shot for her.

You have to buy one for me then. So, and his name was Bobby Zarin. And then he said, then I see a redhead coming my way. Hi, I'm Jill St. Darren and that's where I meet Jill. Yeah. Right. And so Jill and I hung out like the whole time.

I was fascinated by her because I never met anybody like that in my life. Right. First of all, she's not just Jill. She's Jill Zarin from Long Island. And I just, I was like, whoa, she's incredible. And I just loved her personality. She's bubbly, full of life. She doesn't stop talking.

And so not me. But I like people that are authentic. And Jill is authentic, right? So she then, I, you know, after we part, I had a card because I was like working on trying to build my television career in the States.

I was doing some specials for like CBS morning shows and things like that. I did the Royal Windows at Bernies with Simon Dunin. And so I did some spots for CBS and I was trying to get my way back into television because I used to work for Italian television years ago. And so I give her my card

and Jill reaches out and she says, I've got a TV show. I think you're going to be perfect come, come. So I meet the producers, and that's how I got on the Housewives. Oh, wow. So it came to me, really, you know, just happened. So Jill kind of had her hand in forming the OG cast? Yeah, and then I, you know, but I knew Ramona, kind of socially a little bit.

I would see her here and there. Uh-huh. Bethany was brought in by Jill. Got it. Okay. She found a way in, Bethany. Alex and Simon, I think they found online. Yeah.

It's true. That is true. Right? Kind of your wannabe couple. Yeah. Right? And then they rented that shitty house in the Hamdas, remember? Yes.

And do you remember? Of course you remember when they were doing that. Trying to keep up with the Joneses. Well, it should work out so great. Do you remember they? Remember? And then they go into the opera or whatever they go to. And they're waiting for the photographers and nobody's there.

Nobody cares. It's just too funny. And who else am I thinking? Who else are we missing? I think it was... Sonia. Sonia took three years for her to get home. She was terrified.

Oh, she was asked initially. No. No. Sonia, well, maybe she was asked, but she didn't want to come on because she was scared. And she saw how well it was going for us, and she jumped in in season three.

Right. That's where Sonia Rita came along. And do you remember Alex and Simon's house that was under construction and they kept having people and it was like a literal construction hazard zone. Right? It's like this is why we go to restaurants in New York, you know?

What's your favorite restaurant in New York? You know, it's really around the corner for me because I love Italian food because I used to live in Milan and it's like the closest things to Italy is called Bella Blue. I love Avra. I like Bill Bouquet. There's, you know, I've got my little circle of restaurants that I love. Of course. Mm-hmm. Okay, you wrote a book on etiquette in 2009.

If you had to rewrite that book again today, what would be different and what would be the same? I think everything would be the same. I would add a chapter for dating at this point in my life. Okay. Amazing. And I'm working on an audiobook. Can you believe there's no audiobook for a class with the Countess? No. It's shameful.

We're working on it. Are you excited? I'm excited about that. And I'm going to add a little chapter, which is about dating at this point in life. Do you feel like all the rules still hold up? Absolutely. Which one do you think is the most important? Money can't buy you class.

Cheers to that. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Eyes. You know, eyes. Eyes. He knows when you toast.

You have to look someone. Yes. What, if you, if I said, teach me how to be, how to have proper etiquette, what would be the first thing you would teach me? Hmm. Well, you know, etiquette really is about respect for others, right? Right. And I think the most important thing is being comfortable in your own skin. Right?

Because if you're not comfortable, other people are going to feel your uncomfort. Right. You know what I'm saying? And that's, you know, when you walk into the room, you know, have a smile on your face and be comfortable with who you are. 100%. I think it really starts with you, right? And being comfortable. And so other people are comfortable.

Right. Right? When you get to somebody's house, they're not, you know, everything's everywhere. They're not prepared. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. They're discombobulated and whatever. So, you know, that's not comfortable, right? So a good host, they're ready for you to give you time, respect your time, right?

Which is to have a glass of champagne in your hands and, you know, and the music going, because music sets the whole tone of my life. Right. That's for me, I love music. It makes me happy. Did you always know that you wanted to go into music or did it just come to you? You know, I've always been, like I recorded some cover songs years ago when I was even in Switzerland, married to the count and kids were young. So I was always like recording music, wanted to do stuff with music.

In fact, when I did Money Camp Buy You class, I went to producer, I was introduced to and he goes, what do you want to sing about? I said, I don't know, but I just wrote a book. He goes, can I see it? So I hand him the book. And if you know my book, there's takeout lines. everywhere. Right.

elegance is learned, you know, money can't buy a glass. So he starts taking out these lines, and that's how money can't buy your class is made. And that, I'm not the divot in it. is that one of your favorite songs you've ever written. Yeah, because who's the biggest diva of the mall? The statue of liberty. Oh my God, that's amazing. Darling, I could teach you so many things. Please, what else do you have to teach me?

I'm here to learn. I wish I had more, you know, I wish I knew more back then that I know now from, you know, years of experience, right? People and television and, you know, knowing who to trust and not to trust and knowing, you know, who you want to have around you, right? What is the one thing you really did, which you learned, starting out, when you were on TV on the first season of Housewives to now? Like, what is the one thing, if you could go back and be like, I wish I knew this back then? It's a good question.

I wish I knew. Well, I don't know. That's a good question. I have to think about that one. Let's circle back on that. Okay, we'll circle back. Let's circle back on that question. Well, I have another question for you.

Who do you think had the worst etiquette on the show? And who do you think had the best besides you? I don't, you know, I'm going to plead the thing. feth. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I don't like to, you know what I mean? You see, that's what I'm talking about. That's why I've been around for so long. Right, pleading the fath. You know, that's you know, nobody likes to hear that they're not classy, right? Right. And, you know, and then I wrote chic. Right. To follow up on classy. Yeah. To follow up on money. Let's put that way. You know, if you don't think you're great, nobody else will, circling back to

you know, the housewives is the beginning. Right. You know, being in the position of whatever they say is their problem, not mine, right? So, you know, maybe being affected by what others think of me. Now I'm not as affected. You know, it takes time to get a thick skin. Right. And was it hard to get adjusted to that at first when you, like, where you guys weren't

prepared, right, for the onslaught of like Bravo fans to come in, right? With like every opinion under the sun. Yeah, exactly. You know, we used to blog back then. We used to write blogs. Right. I remember it was like a big thing and people were like writing blogs and writing back at us. And, you know, it was like a whole whole thing.

We never expected. You know, we, how could you be prepared for that? It's like, it's like somebody having a child. You can't tell them how to prepare. You really can't. It's very hard to, to school somebody on something that they've never experienced, right? Same thing with housewives. You know, we learned as we went along.

We had no idea that this was going to take. off into a high-speed train. Right. What do you think are like some of the key elements that makes a good housewife? Someone who doesn't have fear, right? If you have anxiety and fear, it's not a place for you. You know, you have to, listen, I've been at it for a long time and, you know, not being afraid to speak up, not being afraid to be who you actually are, you know, because

and I think a lot of housewives are like that, they're calculated. they're not going to show this part, they're not going to show that part. You know, I think being honest is the most important thing, right? Within reason, meaning protecting yourself and your family. But I think the camera doesn't lie. And I think a lot of people come on trying to be this person when they're really kind of that person.

Do you know what I'm saying? So I think the most important thing to make a good housewife is really being forthright and honest. Was there an arc or a housewife? if you remember, that came on a certain type of way, and you knew that they weren't like that, and you were just waiting for the cameras to show who they really were. Do you ever remember a moment in housewife history that happened?

Well, I think Kelly, you know, I think Kelly, I don't think Kelly understood how to manage Bethany for sure or not. Right. Because then we don't say, I'm here and you're there. Right. To somebody who's trying to get there. Right. Right. So, you know, I think that Kelly, you know, it took her a while.

That's why I wanted to bring her back. on Ultimate Girls' trip. You know, I blew her up. Andy said, you know, wow, she's really doing great now. And, you know, she got her real estate license. She went back to school. Very proud of what she's accomplished since the show. And so I wanted for fans to get another,

I wanted to give Kelly another chance to redeem herself. Were you upset when she initially left the show? Was I upset? Well, you know, I think it was, it would have been better to keep her on. Right. But I guess they, you know, maybe we're worried about how she would, you know, move forward. Right.

Of course. Of course. And so you... And that was like 10 years ago. I mean, that was 10 years ago. I mean, she left after a couple seasons. Right. Yeah.

I think she left after Scary Island, right? Yeah. I mean, that was the breaking point of it all. Mm-hmm. Of all... And you really do feel like they bullied her on that trip, right? Yeah. What makes you say that they bullied her?

Well, I don't think anybody really had her back. Right. So, you know, when you have five girls, they're going, you know, it's, it's tough. We don't have one who's going like, hey, you know, she had nobody to talk to. Right. Right. So she had nobody to help her through it, navigate. And so I think it's very hard, you know, when you have five kids coming after you, right?

Yeah. And kids can be cruel. And do any of them acknowledge now that what had happened was cruel? Like, no. I don't think so. I think that they're used to each other's banter. You know, Kelly, Kelly was just unprepared, you know, and who is prepared, right, for that kind of, you know, for jelly beans. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Jelly beans, marshmallows. I don't know. What did you say jelly beans? I think it was jelly beans, right? It was jelly beans for sure. Okay, well, Mrs. Telesaps, I am so excited. Mrs. Tell us up. You can call me Luanda.

Okay. Or, you know, most people like to call me Countess. Okay, Countess. Because they just like throwing the title out there, right? Which is, you know, so you can call me Luanna Countess? We're up to you. Countess. What is it that you are therapist about today?

Looking at all your wards over there. Oh, well, they're all fake. They're all fake. Is that Puss University? What? Yes, that's Puss University. So this is, this is, uh, Oh, oh.

Oh, that's where the little octopus comes in. Yes, this is Pasandra. That's Patrick. Oh, hello, Patrick. Yes. That's Aquarius behind you. Oh. Yes.

Oh, and there's another one. Yeah. You can name them. I don't think they have a name. Oh. Okay. You've reinvented yourself so many times. What is your advice for someone that is wanting to reinvent themselves or go down a different lane in life?

Well, we only have today, right? there's no yesterday and there's no guarantee of tomorrow right so you go out there and get it whatever it is you know you got to grab life sorry you have to take life you know by the horns right

and just you know I like I say that because you know I like to live life one moment at a time and you know I I don't really care about time I just care about having a good time

well yeah And what has been your favorite project that you've ever done, whether it be cabaret or the book or Housewives? Cabaret. You know what I love about cabaret? I get to do anything I want, meaning creatively. Right? So I can sing whatever I want.

I can say whatever I want. And I love that part because I pick music that I love. And then I go, okay, how am I going to get into that song with a story? Because cabaret is about your story. It's a personal story. Life is a cabaret. Say that because we write our own story. Nobody writes it for you.

It's you who writes it. So I pick a song that I love and then I write the story that gets into the song that brings you in. And then I pick the perfect Giovanni dress to go along with it. Of course. Like when I sing Tina Turner, so I sing Tina. What's love got to do? Got to do. So I pick a dress, of course, that's fringy and really short in all legs, right?

So I have, the most fun I have is creating my cabaret shows. Amazing. And what was it like bringing that cabaret to the girls on the show? Like, did you feel as though they were welcoming to it? No, but that's how I got Giovanni. Right. Giovanni, Giovanni. Thank you, Derenda.

Do you still talk to Derenda? Of course. Dee and I are very close. I love D. Amazing, amazing. Was she? I'm due for a visit to the berserkers. Oh, my God.

Without cameras. Right, right. I mean, that house was just the scene of so many. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that scene where I end up sleeping with Bethany and Sonia in the same room. Yeah. I'm like, water.

We had crazy night. Water. We had such a crazy night. We were, like, dancing on the pool table. I mean, we had such a crazy night. And, you know, and Dee always trying to make it nice. Right. Right.

Those were epic trips, yeah. Those were, those were the trips. Yeah. Aside from Morocco, which was your trip. What was your favorite? Probably, you know, even though I fell into the bushes, I don't care. It was Mexico. Mm-hmm.

You know? Yeah. That Mexico trip was great. So have you thought about what you're therapist about? No. Should I have? Nobody gave me that note. Well, you don't have to.

Is there anything you're angry about today? I'm therapist that I don't have a name for this cutie pie over here. Oh, right. So we're going to think of one. We'll think of one before. We'll think of one before Shosen. Don't you worry, darling. My final question about Housewives just for you was what is, what is the,

the moment in the show that you remember being the most angry at the situation or being the most heated and in the moment during a fight? Well, I mean, I love the scene in the Berkshire is where, you know, Bethany comes in with the same haircut. And then she's like, in my face telling me how many guys that I slept with, which is so untrue. And I go, you need to get laid. And then I say, am I the Kim Cottrell of the family or what?

So that was one of my finest moments. And I think the fight we got into at a fashion show was probably one of the most heated that I've had. And, you know, and everyone going, life is not a cabaret, not everybody, Bethany in particular. You know, that was a terrible moment for me because they were all against me. Right. And you know what? I just sat there and I said nothing. Right.

And I just let her go off. And she looks crazy. Right. And guess where I am? Living my best life doing cabaret all over the world. A hundred percent. What is your favorite place you've ever performed? London.

London? Oh, my God, London. Tilda Swinton introduced me to the stage. That was like, you know what? I could fall down and die. I mean, I was dead. First of all, Tilda Swinton, I met last year at Mighty Hoopla, which is a festival that I do.

And she invited me to go to Scotland, which I did. And we became close friends. And then she sent me flowers. I was playing the Adelphi Theater in London, which is the home of Sunset Boulevard and Andrew Lloyd Weber, the most epic theater you can play. You know, that's like, that's Broadway. Right.

And so she sent me flowers saying, I'm gutted, darling, that I can't come tonight. I get to my dressing room, and there she is with her entire family. Just surprise me. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, you know? I was like this. Yeah.

I was like, and what a surprise, because nobody's ever surprised me like that. Right. I loved it. And, you know, and then she was, would go on to introduce me to the stage. Tilda Swinton in London, introducing me.

I mean, that was epic. That's incredible. That's a pinch me moment for sure. That and singing with Natalie Cole, you know, on the housewise, I was the same with Natalie Cole, you know, and, you know, that's where I really started cabaret after that.

And she passed away now, but I was very fortunate that I got to know her. Yeah. Wow. Rest and peace, Natalie. Congratulations on just everything. Thanks, Jake. And this was so fun.

We're almost, we're not done yet. Oh, I can't go. So my favorite part of the show is the pussies, the people watching. They write in. Is that money? They tell us what's wrong in their life, and we give them advice. Oh, got you. And I think you would just do a fabulous job at it.

Okay. All right. We just found out that one of our best friends was using her parents' credit card to pay for group meals and was pocketing everybody's money for years. That is not cool. That's like all uncle. I mean, that's, you know, that's stealing. You think that's stealing?

Well, yeah. Okay. Right? I'm stealing from her parents, really. No, no, no. So I think what they're saying is she, her parents would give her the card to pay for dinner. Oh, God, you. And then she'd have all her friends pay her back, but just keep the money instead of giving it to her parents.

Well, yeah, that's stealing. That's what I call stealing. Right. Especially because the parents are like, treat your friends, and now she's putting the money in her pocket. That's, you know. Do you think she should say, like, no, keep your money. Like, you don't need to pay me.

Like, my parents are paying? Well, I don't think she has to say anything. Right. Never complain and never explain, darling. Oh, period. Rules to live by. Never complain and never explain. Nobody wants to hear it.

Okay. A guy friend came to visit a girlfriend of mine, but spent the whole night flirting with me instead. called my eyes ethereal and said I changed his life. For context, I'm also a guy. What does this mean? He's gay. No?

Or bisexual. Or bisexual. Yes. Okay. I told a few close friends about a guy I really liked. A little bit later, one of them is now secretly dating him. That's a broken girl code right there. Right.

That's what that song's all about. Yeah. Right? You broke the girl code, right? That's about Heather. That's about Heather? It's about Heather and calling me out for having a guy. Right.

I hate it. You're breaking the girl code. Yeah, I hated that. She did that. It gave us a great moment, but I didn't think it was fair, especially also when she's looking around and she's like, well, have you checked your watches? They were on a manhunt.

You see them running around the house like maniacs because we had dudes over. I'm like, really? Was it that serious? No. I mean, there was naked ass staring at them from the bathroom, but like I said, it would have been taking selfies myself. Right, right.

So do you think Heather had the worst girl code on the show? Well, I mean, I wrote that song based on that situation. Right. Which is, hey girls. You're married. That's your problem, not mine. Yeah. My best friend says she hates my boyfriend,

but flirts with him when I'm not around. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I need her to stop. What is my course of action? So, her girlfriend, is flirting with her guy. Yeah, but says she hates him too. Says she hates him.

Yeah, well, that's just this fucked up situation. Right. Get rid of her. You think just cut her off? Well, well, it's one or the other. Somebody's got to go. Yeah. Either it's the guy, well, you know, if the guy's sorting with your bestie, then that's

a red flag. Right, 100%. So a cut off maybe for one of them. Somebody needs a time out. My boyfriend peed the bed twice and lied about it. it. Insisting. I would lie too.

Insisting it was just sweat. The second time I found out from his brother, not him. He says he's just embarrassed, but is that a reason to lie? It feels to me like a harmless lie. Yeah. It's a white lie. Like the pirate story. It's a white lie. Right. And

white lies are okay sometimes. White lies are okay in order not to either offend somebody, hurt somebody, or make them think less of you. Sometimes lies are a defense mechanism. Absolutely. Right.

So. I wouldn't want anybody to know, right? Right. That I peed the bed. Of course not. Right. I mean, like Sonia,

she wore diapers because she didn't want anybody to know that she shared her pants. After the Cartagena trip. We all got diarrhea. It was terrible. That Cartagana trip nobody knows about. And I talk about that in my show too because we almost got killed on that book. But, you know,

I feel like people don't know that. episode from Kurt Tahina. You know what I mean? That scene where we're all, you know, we get almost killed on a boat and then we all have diarrhea. Ramona's shitting on the floor. Sonny's wearing diapers. You know,

half of us shit our beds. I mean, it was terrible. It was terrible. That trip. Oh. We got food poisoning on the island as well. Not only got killed on the boat, we got food poisoning.

I mean, what a trip from hell. Oh, my God. I had a two-day world-win vacation romance with a guy. that I truly vibed with. We met each other's families. Then, 30 minutes before I left, he told me he had a girlfriend, but that he's still down to text.

I kind of want to, but would that be his fault or mine? Oh, God, what was this story again? She fell in love with a guy. And then after... They were on vacation with their families? It was a two-day world when. Mutual families.

On vacation with a guy. She's dating. And then he told her at the end of the two days, oh, by the way, I have a girlfriend. And she's like, but I don't want to stop texting him. So would that be my fault or his? He says, she says, he doesn't want to stop texting her. She says both, it goes both ways.

It goes both ways. But he has a girlfriend. Well, either you're down that the dude has a girlfriend or you're not. Right. So. I would say maybe she shouldn't and tell him like you need to break up with her in order to. Well, I feel like, you know, when you're, when you're done with her, then send me a text. Yeah.

Great advice. Right. That's what I think too. Yeah. My friend keeps telling me she's, in a manipulative relationship. But when she tells me her problems, it kind of sounds like she's the manipulator.

Should I keep it real with her? Yeah. I also think so. Yeah. I mean, you got to call people out if you're friends. Right. And if you don't give a shit, then you don't call people out.

Because who cares? But if it's somebody you care about and you notice that they keep doing this, you know, it's like people with negative energy. You know, you have optimists, you have pessimists, you know. Right. I have a story. So there's an optimistic and an optimistic and an optimistic mosquito.

They both go to the same party. Okay. And the pessimist says, the mosquito goes, oh, that party was terrible. The food was awful. In fact, when I arrived, people were trying to kill me. And the optimist says, I went to that same party. I thought the food was delicious. In fact, when I arrived, everybody started clapping.

Right? There's two ways of looking at life, right? Yeah. And, yeah, I don't know where we're going with that. I forgot anything. It's a beautiful story. It's a beautiful story. So be optimistic.

And, yeah, go. Yeah. Do you feel as though the show taught, housewives, taught people how to confront their issues instead of hiding it? Or? I think that, yeah, I think a certain way because, you know, you get called out. Right. Right. Because somebody calls you out or somehow you call yourself out.

Right. So I think it's a way, you know, listen, I feel like the housewives, it's a living photo album of my life. Right. I see my children grow up. I see, you know, Aston getting older. I see myself getting divorced. I see my old house, which I don't own anymore. I have a new house in the Hamptons. And, you know, so I just feel like there's, I feel like that I get to learn from watching myself. Right. I can't believe I said that or I can't believe I didn't say that. You know, I should have chimed in. You know, but there's no should of what it coulda, right? Right.

So, but it's, you know, you learn from watching yourself after all these years, like how to be better at it, which is how to be a better human, how to be a better friend, how to be a better, you know, wingman. And that's what you get to do on your new show, Love Hotel. Love Hotel, exactly. And I love that show because it's so different from the Housewives. We're there to be each other's wingmen. We're there to support each other. and, you know, have a lot of fun along the way. And, you know, and this is why I love cabaret is because, you know,

I get to talk about all my experience. I get to share stories that people don't know. Like, I'm sure you learned a lot about me today that you did know. Absolutely did. And so, and that's what happens at my cabaret. You know, people are like, oh, because you never get to see my cabaret on the show. It's always the drama surrounding my cabaret. So you don't, and, of course, music rights.

So they're not going to pay for me to sing, you know, I sing tears for fears. Now I sing a lot of different music aside from my... you know, my classics. And so you never really get to see my cabaret show. So when people come to my show, they're like, oh, m. This is an amazing show. Because I work really hard at cabaret. And I work with the best people in the business.

You know, Richard J. Alexander is my director. He worked with Kristen Chenoweth, Barbara Streisand, and, you know, Bette Midler, to name a few. So I get to work with people who are really talented. My musical director, Brian Nash, my drummers, they've been around since 2018, since I started cabaret. Right. So now it's really, it's a well-oiled machine.

And I love it because I just keep on changing it up because I'm not going to do the same show. No, right? So next season, or next season, next iteration will be more about love in the Love Hotel. But I want the fans to see the show first. And then when I go out back on tour in 2026, it'll be more about what happened in that show. Is there anything you're nervous about people seeing in that show, or are you just excited? No, I'm not. You know, I had a great time.

So I had a lot of fun. I really feel like I was myself. And it turns out great. I'm so excited to watch it. Thank you, darling. Before I let you go, Countess, what did we learn today? What did you learn today is what I'm asking?

I learned that elegance really does come from within, and it comes from how comfortable you are on your own skin. And you can't make other people. And elegance is all about making other people comfortable. Exactly. And you cannot make other people comfortable if you yourself are not comfortable. Exactly. And if you don't think you're hot, nobody else will.

100%. Well, Countess Luanne Deliseps. Thank you, Jay. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, we never named. We never named them. Oh, yes.

I'm going to call her Diva Lou. Diva Lou. Diva Lou. Divalu. All right, well, do you want to... You're the statute of liberty. You just don't know it yet, but you're... Diva Lou.

Do you want to give a little bye pussies? Oh, I'm in the wrong camera. No, that one right there. Oh, buy pussy cats. Cats, no. Bye pussies. Yay. Keep on serving.

50-50 if my zippers up or down anymore. Take my pants off at home. They come off easy. I'm like, I thought it was four hours I was walking around. Netflix is a joke presents. Nate Bar Gatsy, Big Dumb Eyes World Tour. A Special Live. Taping at Into a Dome.

I think it's because I'm peeing so much longer. I watch young people come and go. I'm like, tell my family I'm okay. Nate Bargettze, May 9th and 10. Live at Into a dome. Get tickets at Netflix at jokefest.com.