There Are No Girls on the Internet - Should EVERYTHING be “content?” What happens when parents overshare their kids online? (with Mom Uncharted)

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

Everyone deserves privacy online, even kids. So what happens when parents make entire social media presences built around sharing their kids' most intimate or sensitive moments with the internet?    Sarah Adams uses her TikTok platform Mom Uncharted to explore what she calls "Generation Shared," parents who share intimate details about their kids on social media for views online.   FOLLOW SARAH AT MOM UNCHARTED:  https://www.tiktok.com/@mom.uncharted   Join our newsletter: Tangoti.com/newsletter Want to support the show? (thank you!) Subscribe, tell a friend, leave a review, or buy some merch at There Are No Girls on the Internet’s store: TANGOTI.COM/STORE Say hello at [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Another podcast from some SNL, late-night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer, Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter.

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business. Call 844-844 IHeart. Hi, everyone. I'm Cheryl Stray, author of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things. I'm excited to share that I have a new podcast called Mind Over Mountain. In each episode, I interview athletes, adventurers, and adrenaline seekers to discuss the inner landscapes that informed and inspired their extraordinary feats. So we too can better understand how to face our own seemingly insurmountable challenges. Listen to Mind Over Mountain every Thursday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and IHeart Podcasts presents soccer moms. So I'm Leanne. Yeah. This is my best friend, Janet. And we have been joined at the Hips since high school.

A redacted amount of years later, we're still joined at the hip. Just a little bit bigger hips. This is a podcast. We're recording it as we tailgate our youth soccer games in the back of my Honda Odyssey. With all the snacks and drinks. Why did you get hard seltzer instead of beer? Oh, they hit a bogo. Well, then you got it.

Listen to soccer moms on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It all just became normal, like moms pee on a stick and a child's digital footprint. begins. There are No Girls on the Internet as a production of IHeart Radio and Unbossed Creative. I'm Bridget Todd, and this is There Are No Girls on the Internet. We talk a lot about the ways the Internet can be a not-so-safe place. It's true for adults, and it's also true for kids. And when well-meaning parents post content of their children to social media

or make entire online platforms solely around their kid, it raises a lot of questions. Is it safe? What about privacy? Or what about consent? Technology moves so quickly, and pretty much before we knew it, it kind of became normal for parents to share everything online. Even things that were once reserved for family and close friends,

the most intimate moments, or even content about times where kids are sick or injured. So in our increasingly digital world, shouldn't we pause to ask if this is safe or healthy for our children? My name is Sarah Adam, and I go by mom.uncharted on my social media accounts, mainly TikTok, and you can just call me Sarah. Sarah uses her growing platform on TikTok to explore what she calls Generation Shared. And she was inspired to start, in part by the experiences of parenting during the pandemic.

I became a mom in late 2017, and I naturally followed a lot of mommy bloggers and a mummy influencers, mainly over on Instagram. And as the years went on, specifically kind of during the pandemic when we all move towards like this online world, I just noticed the amount that parents were sharing was getting more frequent, was getting more detailed. And I started to feel uncomfortable with the amount I was seeing other people's children displayed on social media and the stories they were sharing and the intimate details they. were sharing and I just couldn't help but think does anyone else feel this is getting a little out of hand? Does anyone else feel that like maybe we're oversharing, uh, details about our kids? And so I eventually just downloaded TikTok and thought, you know what? Maybe I'll ask. Maybe I'll start talking about these things. See if, see if there's a community out there of like-minded

people who feel like, yeah, you know, this is getting a little weird. This is getting a little strange. And did you find that community? Is there a community of like-minded folks who are interested in having those conversations? Yes, I did. So when I first downloaded TikTok, I did kind of like the mom stuff, the trend stuff. I had a pandemic baby. I talked about that. I talked about things going on in my area and was just trying to like learn the app and figure out who I was. And I noticed that whenever I integrated the concept of or the topic of sharenting or child exploitation on social media, that people were pretty engaged and liked that stuff and wanted to talk about it. And so, yes, I did find a group of like-minded, mainly parents, but generally adults, who feel that

like we need to think longer and harder about the way we are sharing and utilizing our kids on social media. Yeah, I know that you talk a lot about some of the harms and the dangers of sharing kids on social media that I definitely want to get into, but something that you said that really struck me was, yes, that it can be super harmful, but also, I think the question of like, is it okay for strangers to see certain moments, something that comes. Something that to mind as like a video I saw where it was like an influencer and she was made a video and it was like the moment you've been waiting for my my newborn's first bath and it is sort of like that's an intimate thing like I don't I'm not a parent myself but I just became a niece and I my my brother and his

partner they had their first like skin to skin and it was this incredible like intimate experience Isn't it not great that strangers would feel entitled to be a fly on the wall for the intimate, most deep, special moments between a mother or a parent and a child that they don't even know? Yeah, it feels like social media has made things less sacred, almost, like these moments that you used to really be present for your children, you know, the first back. the first skin to skin, there's like a camera there and it's being filmed. And it just makes me think like, is anything just private anymore? Are there anything that parents just want to keep to themselves and hold near and dear and close and, you know, put the phone down for, right? Yeah, to me, I think it's strange. I think it's strange that parents would want strangers who they have not vetted to be privy to these intimate moments with their children, right?

That these strangers can save the videos and develop potentially like parisocial relationships with children. it just feels strange to me. Yeah, a real new normal, where I think you're right, I wonder if anyone has thought to pump the brakes and say, hey, is this really the future that we want to have? Is social media getting us to a future that we want or to a future that doesn't feel great in some ways? I'm happy that someone is out there forcing the question

because with technology, things move so quickly, and you can get to a new place without ever really, thinking how did we get here and did we want to be here in the first place? Well, honestly, Bridget, I think that's kind of how we got here with the sharing, right? With the oversharing of our like children in our lives is that technology moves so fast and it all just became normal. Like mom's pee on a stick and a child's digital footprint begins, right? And we weren't talking about it.

So we weren't reflecting on it as parents or really critically thinking about it because it's what we were continuing to see. And what I want to do and what I try to do is just bring a different opinion, a different perspective. I want to engage in these conversations, right? I'm not trying to like attack. I'm not trying to shame. I'm just trying to say like, whoa, guys, have we like reached a point where we need to just pause and reflect on this and think critically, think about their future, not just the present. It's really about just having parents pause before posting, thinking about their own sharing practices,

as well as the content they are consuming online. Yeah. What are some of the dangers that you've seen in terms of like maintaining an account that is solely based, like a parent maintaining an account or a social media presence that is solely based around a child. Yeah, I've seen some of the strange parasycial relationships that people are like waiting for these kids' videos to pop up in their feed

that like, you know, they make their day and things like that. A lot of predatory people also, depending on the type of account, like specifically mothers who are exploiting their young daughters, I have noticed. There's a lot of predatory people following those accounts. And like, sadly, we live in a world where images can be saved and altered and digitally manipulated and put in scary places of the internet. And it's just so much to think about and consider, right? Yeah. Your content, I mean, take this whatever way you're going to take it. I maybe was a little bit naive about, like, I know the internet is a scary place and I know

there's weirdos and creeps out there. Of course. Your account really made me realize what an organized network of creeps exist on the internet specifically to target content regarding children in ways that I never would have thought. Like, like, it's, It's almost like so dark, it's tough to talk about. But there's like a marketplace for people who don't have great intentions with materials surrounding children. It's like very upsetting. And I understand that people might not want to, like,

I don't want to talk about it or think about it, but it doesn't mean it's not there. Well, honestly, sadly, it's a massive marketplace. Like the things I have come across, it's terrifying and it's scary. and it's dark and it's dangerous. But the safety element wasn't even really on my radar when I first started thinking about these things. I was coming more from a like, don't our kids deserve privacy?

Like, we're choosing to put ourselves out there. We, you know, consented to be public in public figures, whatever you want to call it. And they didn't. So I was always coming from that kind of place. And it wasn't until I dove into it that the real. the real safety concerns kind of came out. And as I was learning more about these dark corners of the internet and the people on these apps and things like that, I just felt like, well, I got to share. I got to tell other parents that this is happening. And these are like, you know, the tags they use

and what they're looking for. I felt if I was accumulating all this knowledge, I had to share it with other parents, right? And you're right, it is hard to think about. But as I always say, we have to remember that when we post images publicly, we lose the ability to control them. And sadly, some of the worst people in society are on these social media platforms. And their intentions are not good. And the FBI has stated that there's over 500,000 active predators online each day. And I don't know if that's like an American stat or like a worldwide stat, but like that's enough as a mom to be like, whoa, whoa, that's a lot of predatory people. Are there red flags that might indicate that creeps are interested in a certain kind of material

that you're posting online? Yeah, like, you know, there's such an anonymity with the internet that creeps can be very blazing and bold, right? They can just hide behind these troll accounts. They can say terrible comments. They can private their account so you can't see their followers list and what else they're doing out there. But I've noticed a lot of them aren't as sly as others. And if oftentimes you click on a user's name who maybe made an inappropriate comment on a video of a child and they are public, you can see their followers list. And usually that gives you an insight into the type of individual that might be. I feel like most parents, most good parents, would never knowingly put their kid in danger, right? Do you think that there's something about

the internet that blurs the actual, like legitimate danger? Not just the privacy invasion, all of that. Like all of that is important as well. But the, the, the legitimate danger that some of these parents maybe unwittingly are putting their kids in. Do you think the internet makes it difficult to see it as dangerous because it's happening on the internet? Yeah, 100%. I feel like there's an element that it feels like not real, like less scary because they aren't physically able to like touch you or get to you. that it give, yeah, but then I think about, like, stories like Ava Majury who had a stalker show up with a shotgun at their family home.

Let's take a quick break. Another podcast from some SNL late-night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Street. Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes.

Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and friends on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Run a business and not thinking about podcasting, think again. More Americans listen to podcasts than ads supported streaming music from Spotify and Pandora. And as the number one podcaster, IHearts twice as large as the next two combined. So whatever your customers listen to, they'll hear your message. Plus, only IHeart can extend your message to audiences across broadcast radio.

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Somebody! Please! But there's so much more to me than me. I'm an actor. I'm a comedian. and recently I've become quite the helper myself. And on my new podcast, hope from a hypocrite, I'll be changing lives,

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the worst advice from the dumbest people you know. Listen to Help from Hypocrat as part of the MyCultura podcast network available on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, fam? It's Isaiah Thomas.

And I'm CJ Toledano, and our podcast Point Game is about defying the odds. Like LeBron heading into the playoffs without Luca and Austin Reed. And finding ways to win, no matter what. He's the smartest player to ever play the game. His IQ is at a level that we've never seen before.

And he knows. Without Luca and Austin Reeves, I got to manipulate the game. We get a player's perspective on the challenges of the playoffs. I think Joker's going to be exhausted this series because when they don't have Rudy in the lineup, he has to really guard guys like Nas Reid. He has to guard Julius Randall. And then he has to give us everything he gives us on the night-to-night basis on offense.

And when IT's friends stop by, like Quentin Richardson, we dive into some playoff history too. Steve Nash will get that thing. That man, hell get the flying. He running up the court, licking his fingers why he got the ball. Like, you go through a training camp with that, Isaiah. You figure it out real quick. Get your ass up and down the court, and you're going to get the ball.

So listen to Point Game on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Ava Majury started using TikTok two years ago when she was 13 to stave off pandemic. boredom. Since then, her platform has grown to over a million followers. Last year, after months of harassing Ava online, 18-year-old Eric Rohan Justin traveled to her home and shot a hole through her bedroom door before Ava's dad shot and killed him. When he was killed, he brought two cell phones with him that were filled with thousands of pictures and videos of Ava. And just this spring,

Ava was being stalked by a classmate. Ava's parents talked to her about leaving social media after the incident with Eric. But Ava said that she liked the platform that she had built, and she thought it could help her get into a good college. So she continues making content. Now, young people like Ava should be able to make the decision for themselves about how they show up online, not be forced into it by their parents

before they're really even old enough to understand it. Because the dangers that can come with showing up online are real. The people online can and do turn up in real life, Right. So we're seeing more stories where, like, they're intersectional, right? You know, the online world and the real world are starting to come together. But I definitely agree. And I think maybe because parents are posting the images and videos, like the parent feels like in control, right? And that they would not put their child in danger. And it's just thinking deeper into it. right? Yeah, that's something that we talk about on this podcast. It seems like endlessly getting people to wake. Most people are, a lot of people are there, but to wake up to the reality that the online harms don't often stay online. Right. And so, you know, we had this attitude a while ago where it was like, oh, it's just the internet. Who cares? But the internet and the real world, there's much more overlap to the two than you think. And there are so many instances where, whether it's harassment or violent behavior, it might start online, but it does not end online. 100%, right? And that goes back to, you know, another element I discussed in regard to like posting photos and stuff is, you know, embarrassing content of your children, low moments of your children,

and the potential that it could be used as like bullying fodder down the line, right? To your point, and then these bullies have access to all of this content, and it doesn't end in the schoolyard like it used to for these kids, right? And for the teens online and things like that. It's all with you 24-7, right? Another thing that we have to think about. Yeah. Sometimes on your page, you'll have this like, oh, it just breaks my heart.

this content where it'll be, I am fostering these kids with disabilities. And it'll go into these, like, very specific, detailed retellings of the issues that these kids have and the circumstances that they came from. And I just, and I understand that the content is supposed to make you feel like, oh, how nice. Or like, oh, heartwarming, blah, blah. But it just so clear to me that the kid, the child,

the person that you should be really focused on, that no one is really thinking about, like, well, how is this going? If they're in school and you're showing their face and using their name and talking about their history and their background, is this going to be good for them? Yeah, I'm not an adoptive mom or foster mom, and I'm not adoptive or foster child. So, like, I can't speak from that experience,

but I have talked to a lot of people in those communities. and my thought on it is that that's their story, right? We have to remember that these are individual humans. They may be little. We may be in charge of them, but they still have their own stories and their own experiences, especially when we're thinking about like foster and adoptive children, who could come from a lot of trauma, right?

And to have their trauma publicly shared without their not, their knowledge and consent feels like they can't be the author of their own story and they don't get that back, right? They're not going to be able to reclaim that story as theirs. Like, what if they didn't want that information public? And now forever it is public, right? It almost, I worry about, like, them being re-traumatized by having their stories and their experiences shared publicly online. Oof, I have a, I mean, you might agree with me. I have what might be a controversial opinion. We don't care, we don't see a society, we don't see kids as human.

Like, we have a, I think that sometimes it can be, adults can be so removed from the experience of being a child. that we almost dehumanize them and we don't give them, we treat them as if they don't have any right to privacy or the right to be authors or to give voice to their own experience. And we kind of have this situation where it's like, the adults know better and are allowed to, you know, make whatever choices that they want for the child. And I think that we really don't always treat children

as if they are little humans. We treat them in this way that I find really dehumaners. humanizing. I think a lot of people would agree with you. A lot of people feel that kids right now, especially on social media, are kind of being treated like property of their parents. So like their parents have the right to do whatever they want. Or I often refer to things I'm seeing like treating your child like a prop or an accessory to your content rather than a little human. And that's really hard and we don't know the consequences and ramifications of all of this down the line. But to your point, this is a real human lived experience. They're not actors playing a role here,

right? This is their life and we are putting it all out there without their knowledge and their consent and being the authors of their story and not giving them the digital. autonomy that we have been given, right? Like, I'm a later millennial. I didn't have Facebook until I was 21 years old, an adult, right? And let me tell you, at 21, I felt like an adult. Let me tell you, I was not an adult, right? Not an adult, right? But I signed up. I consented and I said, whatever I do, like, this is on me, right? And they're not getting that choice. They're going to sign on when they're, you know, 13 or whatnot and have a very lengthy, detailed digital footprint already created for them that explains who they are, that maybe that's not who they are or want

to be perceived as. Do you ever hear from children who have now gotten a bit older, or I guess they were like, you know, young adults who were the subject of a mommy blog or a, you know, mom run account about what that experience was like for them? There is an individual Cam, Soft Scorpio on TikTok. She, I don't think she was used as like in a mummy vlogger form, but she grew up with a chronic oversharer. And she shares her details on the public platform about how she deals with all of the, trauma that her mom put her through by sharing her life publicly online. And there is another, recently a video has gone viral from Caroline Eastman, a comedian out of Chicago where a child vlogger got in contact with her anonymously and let her share a letter about her experience,

being a child in this, you know, family vlogging world. And it's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. So I haven't like no one's directly reached out to me but again all these vlogger children are kind of just coming of age now many of them maybe are like in their later teens and I think sometimes it takes a little longer to reflect on things right I wouldn't be surprised if it takes until 2530 for these children to really reflect back on their childhood and see things different Because right now, if you're 17, 18 years old, you might think it's really cool, right? You're still very much in this world, right? But as you age and look back on your childhood, as we all do, you might see things very differently. Yeah. And I also think if you are, if you grew up in a household with a chronic online oversharer or a mom or a parent who was like, you were their content, you might not realize how, harmful that was until you're out of it. Like that might just be your,

you might not have a concept of the fact that like that's, that's not everybody's normal circumstances until you're like out of it, several years removed. Because it was your lived experience, right? You learn what you live. If these children are living in a world where they are constantly being filmed

and everything is content, then that's what they learn and that's what they feel comfortable with and that's just their existence. maybe they're not aware that that's not how the majority of kids grow up, right? So I think it's going to take a little time, but I think they're going to come, right? Like you, there's often the comparison between like child stars and influencer kids, and there's a lot of differences, but I feel like we can take a little bit from the child star experience

and think that maybe some of these kids have the potential to have similar traumas. Definitely. So I just finished Jeanette McGurdy's book. I'm glad my mom died, which like, she's what a gut punch of a read. That was, my God. But, you know, when it comes to child actors, I mean, I have no idea about the business, but I do know that there's laws. Like there's like,

there's like certain laws about how long they can work, what their schooling looks like, all of that, where the money goes. Influence, like influencing and content creating is such a new field

that we don't really even have a, have a body of laws that I'm aware of that speaks to that because it's such a new field. Do you think this is a place where our technology has progressed quicker than our, than our,

like, societal and legal understanding. Like, do you think that there should be laws in place or at least norms in place for how children can show up online if a parent is like monetizing a content page dedicated solely to them? Yeah, I definitely think that there needs to be rules and regulations put forth to protect the kids and like their labor and the money that they are essentially making. I don't know when that will come.

you know, there's a lot going on in the world. And I think a lot of one aspect is the people usually in charge of, you know, government and making regulations are quite older than the people who are like in the depths of this fast-moving technology. So I'm not even sure if lawmakers really understand the problem that is happening online, right? completely more after a quick break. Another podcast from some SNL late-night comedy guy, not quite on Humor Me with Robert Smygel and Friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman

help make you funnier. This week, my guest, S&L's Mikey Day and headwriter, Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the eye Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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I'm a comedian. I'm not qualified to give good advice. Join me and my comedian friends as we riff, rant, and recommend some of the most legally dubious advice known to man. If I'm calling you, even if you're on your phone, let it ring twice. One ring is too scary. Oh, cream a chicken suit. Hey, cream, cream a chicken suit.

This is Help from a Hypocrite, the worst advice from the dumbest people you know. Listen to Help from a Hypocrite as part of the Mike Coutura Podcast Network available on the I-HartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everyone. I'm Cheryl Stray, author of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things. I'm excited to share that I have a new podcast called Mind Over Mountain. In each episode, I interview athletes, adventurers, and adrenaline seekers

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Let's get right back into it. My 9 to 5 job is around like platform accountability and sort of trying to nudge platforms to do the right thing. And some of that work involves lawmakers. And I'll just say sometimes I'm like, oh, the people making the laws for our platforms. I don't know how innately familiar they are with them, but yet they are in charge of them. And then also I would say I have this theory that, you know, when I look at like influencers, for so long, influencing was something that was mostly like dominated by women. And so I think that it gave it this idea that it wasn't serious and didn't need scrutiny. And I think that when it comes to children showing up online via their parents, I think a lot of that is also dominated by women.

And thus it has avoided the same kind of scrutiny. I just think that when something is like, has the impression of like, oh, it's just something that women are doing on the internet. It gives a, it has an air of it's not worthy of scrutiny or a real meaningful attention. And I think nothing could be further from the truth. I think you nailed it on that one, Bridget. I completely agree. When you make your content, do you ever get accusations of like that your mom shaming? Like, oh, why don't you leave her alone?

It's not your kid. If she wants to put her, if she wants to put her kid on her TikTok or social media like this, who are you to say anything? Do people ever accuse you of shaming moms? Occasionally, it's definitely died down recently. Like I get a lot of like mind your own business or not your kid, not your problem. But I feel that the mom shaming has died down a little. But I've also grown with my platform.

So I try really hard to, you know, inform and educate and offer a difference of opinion and use examples that aren't, you know, stitched and duetted and usernames are hidden and identities are hidden. You know, some of these people have millions of followers. So like, you know who I'm talking about. But I want it to be around the conversation versus trying to attack somebody. So I think as I've grown with my platform, it's it's died down because I'm really trying to I don't want to mum shame I don't want I don't think any if a mother's making a different choice than me I don't think they should be attacked for it and ridiculed for it because I don't think it's a black and white issue I think

there is a lot of gray when it comes online sharing I've said multiple times that I'm not against all sharing but I am against parents making their content, their kids. And, you know, 90% of their content is their kid or their whole account is solely their kid is very different than an influencer who sometimes does a dance with their kid or shows them at the park occasionally, right? Like, there's gray. There's a spectrum. Yeah, I agree. Because, I mean, I'm going to be honest, like, I, when I'm scrolling TikTok, I love children when a cute kid doing a dance or a cute kid doing something like, you know, making food in their like pretend kitchen. I love that.

I love that stuff. But honestly, it's made me take a more critical look at my own role in the content that I am consuming and thus incentivizing. You know, we all love cute kids. Yes. If I'm seeing a content where it's like, this kid doesn't look happy or this kid looks like they, they've, they understand that they have to perform at a certain way to get validation and maybe they don't want to and they're doing it anyway. It's made me take a much more critical eye to the content that I am consuming and thus incentivizing and, you know, incentivizing them to keep making it.

Yeah, totally. I, and that's one of the things I've always hoped is that parents and adults will reflect on the content they are consuming. And if they were consuming these like kids, centric accounts that they don't look at it as a place of entertainment. They look at it from a place of personal lived human experience of that child, right? Like that child is not a knowing or willing participant, right? Because they can't, they can't consent. They don't know what social media is. They don't know they're being blasted to a billion people on TikTok. So just to be able to think more critically of how we are seeing kids and interacting with them online is a big part of what I talk about too. I've noticed there are content creators who are talking about how they are

no longer going to be featuring their child on their social media content. Do you feel that the tides are sort of turning? I feel like the tides are like I feel like there's like a little ripple, right? And you never know the ripple might turn into the wave or it might just not go anywhere. But I've seen like really big creators recently, some who are, you know, pregnant or trying to conceive, announce that like they won't be sharing their child on social media that like, you know, maybe from the back or something like that. But they firmly believe they can't give informed consent. And when they have platforms of millions of people and stuff like that, I guess you would know how dark and scary and weird it can get, right? So you maybe wouldn't want your kid involved in that. And every day I have parents reaching out to me just saying that I've changed the way they've thought in their own, within their own family and the way they share online and the content they consume.

So I do see a little tide, a little ripple in the water of change. Because again, like my goal isn't to like get rid of kids on the internet or anything like that. it's to really think about, like to treat them as humans. And we wouldn't want pictures and videos of ourselves circulating online without our knowledge and consent. Yet we're doing this every day to our kids, right? It's just these things we have to think about. It's important to think about these things.

Yeah. Oof. My mom has this picture of me framed in our house from when I was a toddler. And it's an unflattering picture. I'm doing something very unflattering. And I always think, thank God that we didn't have social media. If like that, as an adult, that was the image that people associated with me still. Like, you know, if that image went viral, oh, it will be a nightmare.

Well, we say like also, as a millennial, one of our biggest things is, well, I'm so glad that my teenage years weren't blasted on the internet or my childhood wasn't blasted on the internet. yet we are some of the worst for doing it to our own children. So it's just really interesting sometimes how people aren't connecting that, right? Like you wouldn't want it done to you. You're glad it wasn't done to you. Yet you're actively doing it to your children. You just need to self-reflect on that. That's so interesting.

I hadn't thought about that, but you're so right that we are the ones doing it. And we were always talking about how we're happy it didn't happen to us. And we're turning it around and doing it to the next generation. Exactly. Right. And I think I worry because some people are like, well, you know, your kids aren't here. Why do you care? Well, I care because I care about kids.

I care about the generation of humans. My children are growing up with and around and amongst, right? And right now what we know to be true is that the, teens are really suffering. They're becoming increasingly addicted to their smartphones and their screens, rates of, you know, anxiety, depression, suicide, mental health in general have skyrocketed since the advent of social media over the past two decades. And my gut as a parent says that if this is where our teens are at now, why would we think it's going to be better for the next generation? Why do we think having our kids online and plastered on the internet at such a young age is going to benefit them down the line?

Right? Yeah, I'm right there with you. And I firmly believe that it's time to take meaningful, intentional steps to make sure that technology in the Internet is not creating a generation that is worse off than the one before it. I think that we're just moving very quickly. You know, I think it's partly because it's our experiences are making wealthy tech bros, lots of money. And so those experiences are like lining somebody's pockets. And thus we are not stopping to be like, well, are we creating, are we enabling the internet to provide healthy experiences for the next generation or more fucked up experiences? And I deeply believe that young people deserve an internet that makes them feel safe and not exploited.

Yep. And I, yeah, it's just there's so, there's so much. There's so much to talk about. Yeah, it's like one of those topics is like, wow, that's a real ball yarn. Yeah, I just, I just want parents to think, right? That's why I call myself Mom uncharted because I don't have these. answers. No one does. This is uncharted territory, but it is a massive element of parenting today. So we need to talk about it. And let's just have these open conversations. And you can

agree or disagree. You can use your parental discretion and do whatever the fuck you want. But you need to just listen and reflect because you can't go to the library and get out a book and learn about how this is all going to turn out. Right? We don't know the consequences in Rambor. to all of this and we're navigating it together. And so at least we can talk about it. At least we can, you know, talk and have people just, you know, have a few lightbulb moments, change a few things. It's just about opening a dialogue and having a discussion about something that is literally

like a massive aspect of parenting these days. Yeah. One of my last questions, do you have tips for maybe somebody is listening and they're like, I want to be more intentional about how my kids show up on my social media feed. Do you have any tips for that person listening? So for me, what works for my family and what I believe is the safest option to protect your kids online as well as respect their privacy as an individual is to just not post. That's my go-to.

However, if you feel like you want to share with trusted family and friends, the best option is to do so in private mode and really curate your followers list, really know and trust those individuals who are following along with your children and your family experience. Those are always my go-to tips. So I want to know what you think. If you're a parent or a caregiver to a little one, what is your philosophy about how you're a go-to? how those kids show up on social media. And how did you come to that decision? Shoot me an email at hello at tangoati.com because like Sarah says,

we're navigating pretty uncharted territory here when it comes to parenting, children, and the internet. And I think that we'll only really be able to figure it out by talking about it together. Got a story about an interesting thing in tech or just want to say hi? You can reach us at hello at tangoati.com.

You can also find transcripts for today's episode at tangoity.com. There are no girls on the internet was created by me, Bridget Todd. It's a production of IHeart Radio and unbossed creative. Jonathan Strickland is our executive producer. Tari Harrison is our producer and sound engineer. Michael Amato is our contributing producer.

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